Portishead: Dummy (1994)

[00:00]in 2020 four friends decided to listen to every one of the greatest 500 albums as decided by

[00:07]rolling stone magazine this results in a text chain that celebrated the music excoriated the

[00:11]order and led us to making this podcast we are far from experts we promise to do almost no research

[00:16]all opinions are our own unless you disagree please sit back and enjoy back did it better

[00:22]we are all the way up to album 131 and that's a palindrome my friend okay thanks a lot obama

[00:28]for all those palindrome strikes boob they went and said a boom okay that's a english joke slash

[00:36]kind of a zero res get your carpet cleaned by zero res

[00:41]we're up to album 131 backwards and forwards we are up to album 131 and from 1984 it's the album

[00:49]that goes like this what's there was this boy who wait a minute we're doing dummy by portishead

[00:57]okay guys i need to take i need to take about a 49 minute break before

[01:01]oh boy we start recording that's my bad i listened to the wrong album

[01:05]just you're playing that crash test dummy song you're like all right i love this song

[01:11]skip skip skip skip skip skip uh what if they wrote like the national anthem what if they wrote

[01:20]one of the greatest songs of all time and nobody knows because the other song is so good you know

[01:25]what i mean like the second song on crash test dummy's album is like super good you'd never know

[01:29]right editing already sad are you are you implying that francis scott key wrote i was just trying to

[01:40]figure out the math on that how's that work i mean it feels like you would know because it's

[01:46]yeah let's move on well i think when they asked him what key is the star spangled banner going

[01:50]to be in and he's like yep all right there's been friends yes

[01:55]yeah it's me uh in the key of francis scott it's me you son of a bitch i'm ready to know how i do

[02:01]hey i i really want america's national anthem to be something that's really hard to sing that

[02:06]most people can't even sing that would be really cool if we could do that that'd be great thank you

[02:09]oh america the beautiful no thanks uh think of another song about america um american woman

[02:15]nope american woman god that would be a great national anthem we're just all before we're like

[02:21]just everybody's like we're like goddamn those american women

[02:25]really makes you love this country listen aaron stop wasting my time okay we have to get into

[02:30]uh the the podcast and of course we start with a real real song on a very real radio station

[02:35]in fact it's so real that it has a call sign and it's k-rob so let's turn it on

[02:40]right now and let's remember what album we're doing ah here we go

[02:44]what's up everybody welcome to k-rob k-r-o-b you know i think all we want

[02:54]as a species is to be loved we want to know that there's somebody out there who treats us

[03:01]like the apple of our eye like the last slice of pumpkin pie like they're a person who's willing

[03:09]to share fries with us like it's like a hamburger with cheese inside i just think we want somebody

[03:18]long intro to treat us with the respect that we deserve

[03:24]you

[03:24]and there's no better way to find that and i see it every friday night

[03:30]when aaron starts talking about his breakfast his lunch his dinner oh he loves his food oh yeah

[03:41]i just want to be loved i want to be appreciated but then i realized aaron's who i should have dated

[03:54]I had a thought down to get someone to love you like air in a love spoon.

[04:05]For me, it's a few things.

[04:10]It's like shrimp and grits, hamachi crudo, catfish.

[04:14]Any of those are on a menu.

[04:15]I got to order them.

[04:16]What is it for you guys?

[04:17]A taco or some barbecue.

[04:19]Imagine that's how he loved you.

[04:22]When he looked into your eye and said you're like a truffle fry.

[04:27]He treats you like an appetizer.

[04:31]I want someone to love me like Aaron loves good cheese.

[04:42]When you want to hear about the latest albums of all time.

[04:47]Can I tell you a sick confession, Aaron?

[04:49]Yeah, I want to hear it.

[04:50]You're just too lazy to look it.

[04:52]I almost exclusively buy American singles in the plastic wrap.

[04:55]And that's my cheese I use.

[04:56]Hey, listen, I got American singles in the fridge right now.

[05:00]Yeah, buddy.

[05:01]Here's room for all of them.

[05:03]All God's creatures have a place in the choir.

[05:05]I told that to somebody I work with and they almost passed out.

[05:08]They're like, oh, what?

[05:09]What if you want to make a burger or a tuna melt?

[05:11]You have to.

[05:12]I don't know.

[05:12]I don't.

[05:13]Yeah, it's like, oh, yeah, I'm going to put a manchego on my burger.

[05:17]Get out of here with that.

[05:18]I put it on one of those.

[05:19]Forget it.

[05:19]I put it on one of those slices that seems plasticky until you.

[05:22]Melt it.

[05:22]And then it seems really plasticky.

[05:23]That's how you know it's good.

[05:24]I love that shit.

[05:28]Listen, guys, listen, we do love Aaron just like he loves food.

[05:32]I've got three guys here.

[05:33]They want to talk about Portishead dummy.

[05:35]Let's get right into it.

[05:36]I've got Russ in Minnesota.

[05:39]Russ, how are you doing?

[05:40]Guys, I can't understand myself anymore because after that limo ride home from the legal brothel,

[05:45]for some reason, I'm feeling very unholy.

[05:48]I've got Matt in Minneapolis.

[05:49]Matt, how are you doing?

[05:50]Good, Rob.

[05:52]This podcast that just won't leave me alone.

[05:54]It's true.

[05:55]Every man, every man's one is getting more and more surly.

[05:58]I think he's he's trying to tell us something, but we ain't listening.

[06:01]And I've got Rosie out in California.

[06:03]Rosie, I heard.

[06:04]Now, this is what I heard.

[06:05]Rosie, tell me if I'm if I'm wrong here.

[06:06]This is what I heard.

[06:07]I heard that you are working at an Indian buffet.

[06:10]We talk about how much you love the Indian buffet.

[06:12]You can't help it.

[06:13]You stop every time you see it.

[06:14]Take a nap afterwards.

[06:15]You love it.

[06:16]I'm definitely not listening to old episodes.

[06:17]But Aaron agreed if to work at this Indian buffet.

[06:21]He could not share.

[06:22]They're flatbed recipe.

[06:23]Flatbed.

[06:26]Yeah.

[06:27]So a little story about this owner of the Indian buffet.

[06:29]He did drive a semi truck.

[06:31]He had a flatbed.

[06:31]And on that, he would carry flatbread.

[06:34]And that is the recipe that Aaron said he would not tell anybody.

[06:37]It's the flatbread recipe.

[06:38]Russell, it was your standard non-disclosure agreement.

[06:43]Non-disclosure.

[06:44]Non-disclosure.

[06:46]I nailed it.

[06:47]Have I ever told you, Rosie, have I ever told you guys that, you know, whenever we go out

[06:51]for like these business trips, like, well, what do you, we're going to go out to you.

[06:55]What do you like?

[06:55]And my standard line is anything but Indian.

[06:58]Anything but Indian food.

[06:59]I'll go anywhere but an Indian restaurant.

[07:01]That's my standard line.

[07:02]Everybody laughs.

[07:05]Well, of course, we're not going to an Indian restaurant on a business night.

[07:07]Yeah.

[07:08]So on the subject of flatbeds and Indian food, did you know there's an entire network of

[07:12]Indian restaurants around mostly around the American West due to a certain influx of people

[07:19]at a certain time?

[07:20]And then some restauranteurs.

[07:21]Some restauranteurs decided to get off the road as truckers and start creating truck

[07:25]stop Indian restaurants.

[07:27]Indian food.

[07:27]I had no idea.

[07:28]I've still never been to one, but I see the signs a lot.

[07:31]And one of these days I'm going to try one.

[07:33]Listen, this is already going to be a long episode.

[07:35]I can tell.

[07:35]But let me just tell you guys right now.

[07:36]I was recently on a bus back with a team.

[07:39]I was coaching.

[07:39]I'm just going to put it that way.

[07:40]And I was sitting up front and I just was talking to the bus driver as I always do.

[07:44]I always talk to the bus drivers.

[07:45]I just see what's going on with them.

[07:47]And I always get a great story.

[07:48]And this guy was telling me this is a bus driver.

[07:49]So I am on a bus.

[07:50]Let's just picture it with like 24 middle school age kids coming back on a Saturday

[07:54]at like eight o'clock at night.

[07:55]Everybody's exhausted, right?

[07:56]This bus driver goes, yeah, I used to be a long haul trucker.

[08:00]And I was like, he's like, yeah, I'd go down to Miami.

[08:02]I'd come back up.

[08:03]And I was like, oh, that sounds true.

[08:04]What was the best part?

[08:05]He goes, women would come and see your truck and then you could fuck them.

[08:11]I was like, what?

[08:13]And he goes, man, you wouldn't believe your wife doesn't know, but you could fuck so many

[08:17]women in your truck.

[08:18]And I was like, I was like.

[08:20]Wait, what?

[08:21]I was like, no.

[08:22]Who's behind you?

[08:23]Oh, yeah.

[08:24]Who's behind you?

[08:25]Listen, she's heard the story already.

[08:27]She loves it.

[08:27]She thinks it's great.

[08:28]But he would say that.

[08:30]And I was like, ha ha.

[08:31]I was like, oh, yes.

[08:31]But what do you, what else was a good part?

[08:33]And he was like, you could, they're freaks.

[08:35]You could do whatever you want.

[08:36]I was like, we are driving a bus full of middle schoolers.

[08:38]You cannot tell me about your freaky trucker escapades, please.

[08:41]I think it's not even the bus.

[08:42]You got your daughter right behind you listening to this.

[08:45]And the dog.

[08:50]My dog.

[08:52]Everybody, wait.

[08:53]Don't spoil my rolling going.

[08:54]Okay.

[08:55]I'm going to talk about the dog.

[08:56]She's trying to spoil my rolling going.

[08:57]Hey, Rob.

[08:58]Did your bus driver have any contacts that could get me a job application for one of those

[09:03]long haul jobs?

[09:04]Russ is going to get a class double D license.

[09:08]Hey, girls, go to bed.

[09:11]Don't listen to that joke I just made.

[09:12]Okay.

[09:16]I will take the dog to the vet.

[09:18]Everybody just leave me alone.

[09:19]This is my time.

[09:20]This is my time right now.

[09:21]Guys, I'm hanging out with my friends.

[09:23]Jeez.

[09:24]I am making.

[09:25]Did they hear that double?

[09:27]They don't get that class D license joke because it's like they don't.

[09:30]They think class A.

[09:31]And I'm like, well, no, it's actually depends.

[09:33]Axel's numbers like we're talking.

[09:34]It's still my intro.

[09:38]And I want to let you guys know that I'm coming to you live from my mudroom slash

[09:43]laundry room, a.k.a.

[09:44]The Glory Box.

[09:45]So let's talk.

[09:45]The Glory Box.

[09:46]The Glory Box.

[09:47]That's what we're calling it now.

[09:49]The Glory Box.

[09:49]It's called the Glory Box.

[09:50]The Glory Box.

[09:50]Oh, sounds glorious.

[09:52]Matt, your mother-in-law is not going to ask for the definition of a glory box.

[09:58]Is she?

[09:58]Things are fine.

[10:04]Things are fine at the house.

[10:05]Don't worry about it.

[10:05]Watching Rob trying to parent back there while doing a podcast is hilarious.

[10:08]Rob's children are still awake, bustling around him.

[10:11]Yeah.

[10:12]He's got signs Olympiad in like five hours.

[10:14]This man is a podcast hero.

[10:15]She makes a great point.

[10:16]The dog is annoying.

[10:17]But I'm going to get to that later.

[10:18]So this is all going to get edited out.

[10:20]For that bus driver story.

[10:21]Because it was crazy.

[10:22]And I had to be like, I couldn't be like, stop telling that story right now.

[10:26]I will get fired.

[10:26]Listen, just listening to the story.

[10:28]You need to stop.

[10:29]He was like, oh, yeah.

[10:30]He goes, you know, you just stop wherever.

[10:32]And girls will come over and be like, oh, what's inside that truck?

[10:34]Let me look at the back.

[10:35]And I'm like, I get it.

[10:36]I get it.

[10:37]Stop telling me this story.

[10:38]You have to.

[10:39]But he was like, yeah, trucking's great.

[10:40]And then he would just say, that's what was great about it.

[10:42]I was like, oh, what'd you haul down?

[10:44]He's like, yeah, you know, it was the same stuff.

[10:46]But, man, you could get these lot lizards all up and down the coast.

[10:49]And I was like, okay, I will go fill out a job application.

[10:54]I'm going to go update my LinkedIn because I'm about to get fired.

[10:57]Listen, Aaron, we did your bit already, right?

[11:00]Let's get right into the voicemail.

[11:02]I didn't miss it.

[11:05]I remember it.

[11:05]Let's get right into the voicemail.

[11:07]Right into it.

[11:08]Oh, no.

[11:11]I can't believe I picked this one.

[11:16]Oh, boo, Rob.

[11:17]Boo.

[11:17]That's terrible.

[11:18]I got to make a nice one.

[11:19]I really do.

[11:19]Can I tell you this is the saddest voicemail we've ever gotten?

[11:23]This is from the double M, the double M Magic Mike.

[11:26]If you guys really are the link, I sent an Amazon package in your name.

[11:31]Matt accidentally said your last name in an episode to the front desk.

[11:34]Says it got there last night.

[11:36]Enjoy hard.

[11:37]What?

[11:39]Magic Mike sent us a package to the link.

[11:43]Oh, no.

[11:45]Now.

[11:45]Oh, no.

[11:46]Two things.

[11:47]Number one, Matt apparently has my last name on the episode.

[11:49]So all you little horny Sherlock Holmes out there.

[11:52]Okay.

[11:52]You go look for my last name and I don't know what you're going to do with that information.

[11:55]Not much.

[11:56]Oh, no.

[11:57]We did not say in the link.

[11:59]Has anyone called the link to see if the package is there?

[12:02]No.

[12:03]I.

[12:04]I.

[12:04]What could it possibly be?

[12:06]Magic Mike, can you text us and tell us?

[12:08]It's got to be a sex toy.

[12:10]What?

[12:11]What?

[12:12]It's got to be a sex toy.

[12:13]How did you make that leave, Aaron?

[12:15]Haven't we done episodes about sex toys?

[12:18]Wouldn't he send like, I mean, or maybe he sent us, maybe he sent a CD.

[12:21]It was probably.

[12:22]You know what?

[12:23]I dare our fans to try to send us sex toys.

[12:25]I dare you.

[12:26]They wouldn't do it.

[12:27]Okay.

[12:28]Especially that one with the two things and the one was smaller.

[12:32]The one hole was smaller than the other.

[12:33]Some of us on this podcast were so afraid of Magic Mike coming.

[12:37]Some of us were super excited that Magic Mike might show up.

[12:40]Yeah.

[12:40]And so, you know, just, just to be safe.

[12:43]Some of us said the wrong hotel.

[12:45]We were staying at just in case Magic Mike decided to do something cool.

[12:49]Oh no.

[12:49]Like show up or send us a package.

[12:51]Dang it.

[12:52]It backfired on us because he actually did something cool.

[12:54]He sent us a package.

[12:55]Are we sure Magic Mike wasn't the dauber guy at the, at the carnival court?

[13:00]Oh my God.

[13:01]That would explain why that dauber guy at the dance turned to me and said,

[13:05]Hey, did you get that human head I sent in a box?

[13:07]And I was like, who are you?

[13:08]What are you talking about?

[13:09]The friend desk at the link to your last name.

[13:12]Magic Mike.

[13:13]I'm not going to lie.

[13:14]When I saw that text message,

[13:15]it literally broke my heart.

[13:16]I feel terrible that we did not.

[13:18]Cause getting a package from you in Vegas at the front desk would be the

[13:21]funniest thing ever.

[13:21]Like, Oh,

[13:22]there's a package.

[13:23]What's in the box?

[13:24]What's in the box?

[13:26]What's in the box?

[13:27]Somebody says, Oh sir,

[13:28]there's a package for you.

[13:29]I'd be like, Holy shit.

[13:30]I'm like James Bond.

[13:31]Now this is going to be great.

[13:32]Then I open it up and yeah,

[13:34]it's a sex toy or whatever.

[13:35]Magic Mike sent,

[13:36]but Magic Mike,

[13:37]please tell us what it is.

[13:37]The suspense is killing us.

[13:38]And again,

[13:39]I'm sorry.

[13:39]We did not say,

[13:40]did we say that we did not stay at the link?

[13:42]We stayed at another.

[13:43]Where did we say?

[13:44]I don't even remember.

[13:45]Cause I went,

[13:45]I showed up at Paris and I texted Joe from Woodbury and said,

[13:49]Joe,

[13:50]they don't say we've got a room here.

[13:51]And he goes,

[13:52]where are you?

[13:52]And I said,

[13:53]Paris,

[13:53]he goes,

[13:53]we're at the fucking,

[13:55]where were we?

[13:56]New York.

[13:56]And you know,

[13:57]we were at planet Hollywood.

[13:59]Matt's having a rough week.

[14:00]So I had to walk,

[14:02]I had to walk one casino over cause I got the wrong message.

[14:04]So with your bag humiliating,

[14:06]trust me,

[14:06]I know humiliating in Vegas,

[14:08]absolute full of podcasts,

[14:09]set up materials,

[14:10]absolutely humiliating.

[14:11]So,

[14:12]uh,

[14:13]yeah,

[14:13]guys,

[14:13]have you ever,

[14:14]uh,

[14:14]left,

[14:14]uh,

[14:14]a gift for somebody at a hotel or a notes?

[14:16]I mean,

[14:17]that's like,

[14:17]that's like James Bond stuff,

[14:19]right?

[14:19]That's crazy.

[14:19]I'm so sad.

[14:20]So I hope that someone's enjoying this gift.

[14:22]Maybe it's a CD box set of some kind.

[14:25]I,

[14:26]I have a kind of a story that might have to get deleted.

[14:29]Yes.

[14:30]Oh,

[14:30]we can do that.

[14:31]I promise to delete it.

[14:33]Let's see.

[14:33]Delete button.

[14:34]Oh,

[14:34]it's broken.

[14:35]What does that mean?

[14:36]Okay.

[14:37]Try it.

[14:38]So,

[14:38]so I was dating this lady for a little bit.

[14:41]Nice.

[14:41]And,

[14:42]uh,

[14:42]yeah,

[14:43]I think I,

[14:44]I was out of town for work or something and I sent her something and I had it

[14:48]delivered to her house.

[14:50]I had it delivered to her house.

[14:52]It was like,

[14:52]I don't know what it was.

[14:53]I don't remember.

[14:53]It was a birthday or what it was.

[14:54]It was some sort of gift,

[14:56]if you will.

[14:56]Right.

[14:56]Was it a mirror with your hair on it?

[14:59]So it could see what it looked like.

[15:01]If it was her face in your hair,

[15:02]I just can't see that.

[15:03]Well,

[15:04]maybe we don't need to delete it.

[15:05]If that's what we're doing.

[15:06]So I sent it and then all of a sudden,

[15:11]like we were,

[15:12]things kind of started hitting the skin.

[15:14]She started,

[15:14]kind of not responding to calls,

[15:16]not responding to emails or whatever.

[15:18]At one point we were texting and she's like,

[15:20]Oh,

[15:20]I saw,

[15:20]I got a package from you.

[15:21]I missed it.

[15:22]I'll,

[15:22]I'll go pick it up from the,

[15:23]the place.

[15:24]They didn't just leave it there.

[15:26]You had to go pick it up,

[15:26]I guess.

[15:27]Yeah.

[15:28]And so it,

[15:30]she never picked it up.

[15:31]We never saw each other again.

[15:32]So I bought someone a gift and this girl broke up with me by kind of going

[15:36]ghost style.

[15:38]And so she never picked up the gift.

[15:40]It just was stranded at a,

[15:42]at some post office somewhere.

[15:44]Man.

[15:45]Do you think postal workers at some point just get to tear into that stuff?

[15:48]I mean,

[15:48]are there people that just take stuff home?

[15:50]Right.

[15:51]Right.

[15:51]Just let that sit for years.

[15:53]Right.

[15:53]So here's what I picture,

[15:54]right there at the post.

[15:55]Just wait a second.

[15:55]My dog is fucking scratching at my kid's door.

[15:58]Once you get in,

[15:58]my kid will not let the dog in.

[16:00]I'm in fucking hell.

[16:01]I hate parenting.

[16:02]I hate my life.

[16:03]Don't you have a crate?

[16:04]You got a cool shirt on Rob.

[16:05]You got,

[16:06]you got a cool shirt on.

[16:07]I am going to now put boxes in front of the door so you can't scratch at it.

[16:10]Nope.

[16:11]There's the door open.

[16:12]She's,

[16:13]she's so much like,

[16:14]Jenny,

[16:15]she was so mad at me about everything related to sleep.

[16:18]I'm trying to sleep.

[16:19]I'm like,

[16:21]this is like Jenny.

[16:22]Number two,

[16:22]everybody leave me alone.

[16:25]I want sleep.

[16:25]Just go to sleep.

[16:27]I do.

[16:27]I do all the time.

[16:28]It happens every night.

[16:29]It's not a big deal.

[16:29]It's fine.

[16:32]Everything's fine.

[16:33]Here's what I picture.

[16:35]Here's what I picture.

[16:36]It was a hotel.

[16:37]Here's a,

[16:37]it's a gift at the post office.

[16:39]And it's like,

[16:39]Oh,

[16:39]from Russell.

[16:40]And the post office is like,

[16:41]listen,

[16:42]this gift has been here for a year.

[16:43]It's time to do our,

[16:44]our tradition.

[16:45]We open old packages and they open this one up and it's a hologram,

[16:49]right?

[16:49]It's a hologram of Russell.

[16:50]Yeah.

[16:51]And he's dressed like a sexy Austin powers going,

[16:53]do I make you horny baby?

[16:55]Yeah.

[16:55]They're like,

[16:58]this is the second worst gift I've ever opened.

[17:00]Do you think we could call the link?

[17:03]Yes.

[17:03]Someone needs to call the link and poses.

[17:05]Do you think we can call them like on the air right now and see if they'll

[17:08]open it up for us?

[17:09]Like,

[17:09]do you have a,

[17:10]do you have a package for Rob,

[17:13]you know,

[17:14]and,

[17:14]and see if they call me?

[17:17]It's from,

[17:18]we call them on the line.

[17:19]It's from Wuhan,

[17:20]China.

[17:20]Oh,

[17:23]it's a pangolin scales.

[17:25]What?

[17:25]So if I had a guess,

[17:28]I would guess he sent us socks.

[17:30]Yeah.

[17:32]Do you think so?

[17:33]Welcome to the fuck the whole time.

[17:36]Yes.

[17:37]You're right.

[17:38]Oh my God.

[17:39]I feel terrible.

[17:39]Yeah.

[17:40]We feel terrible.

[17:41]We're pieces of shit.

[17:41]Let's get into rolling going.

[17:42]Sorry,

[17:42]magic Mike,

[17:43]man.

[17:43]I really did feel bad.

[17:44]When I read that,

[17:45]but it is Mansfield as well.

[17:49]So let's be clear on that.

[17:50]Not Rob's.

[17:51]Rob,

[17:52]remember when I called you and said,

[17:53]you know,

[17:54]wouldn't it be funny if we really had magic Mike show up?

[17:56]And I said,

[17:58]it would just be great just to have him come.

[17:59]And you were like,

[18:00]no,

[18:01]I do not remember that.

[18:03]I know what I said was,

[18:05]I said,

[18:05]I think that would be funny until like hour two.

[18:09]And then we're just kind of sitting there looking at each other.

[18:11]Like it would be funny to talk.

[18:12]And like,

[18:13]here's a fan from this dumb podcast.

[18:14]We started for absolutely nothing,

[18:15]but then it's our two.

[18:17]And we're like,

[18:17]so which episode,

[18:19]which episode is your favorite?

[18:20]I think I could talk to magic Mike for a long time.

[18:22]That dude,

[18:22]that dude's got some good taste in music.

[18:24]So I could talk to him for a long time.

[18:26]You know,

[18:27]it might just Rosie,

[18:28]one of these times,

[18:29]now that you're coming for a little bit longer,

[18:31]we've got to get day drunk again.

[18:32]And then just talk about music.

[18:34]Talk through,

[18:34]talk it through.

[18:35]When he's not that far from me,

[18:37]one of these times I'm going to catch him.

[18:38]And when we get up on the Sunday morning in Vegas and he's walking out using Aaron's toothbrush from the bathroom,

[18:43]that's when,

[18:44]but I got really off.

[18:45]Yeah.

[18:46]Magic Mike is sitting at home with nine fingers.

[18:48]Cause one's in a box at the link.

[18:50]He's like,

[18:50]Oh God,

[18:51]I thought they loved me.

[18:52]I should not.

[18:55]I should not have cut off a thumb.

[18:57]That was bad.

[18:58]Okay.

[18:59]In retrospect,

[18:59]that's one of the worst figures that cut off.

[19:01]Definitely.

[19:01]What is the best finger to cut off?

[19:05]Probably a ring finger.

[19:05]Ring finger on your left hand.

[19:07]Ring finger on your left hand.

[19:08]Ring finger on your left hand.

[19:09]Russell's like,

[19:12]not a pinky.

[19:12]Pretty quick with that one.

[19:14]Russell's like,

[19:14]Hmm,

[19:15]cut off ring finger on my left hand.

[19:17]That's actually not a bad idea.

[19:18]Russell's making borderline vulgar gestures.

[19:25]That's true.

[19:26]You could do that a lot easier.

[19:27]Get up into the hilts.

[19:29]They're much easier.

[19:30]I'll tell you what,

[19:31]that's how I knew that my wife and I were made for each other is when I did the shocker too.

[19:36]And she's like,

[19:36]I like that.

[19:37]And that's respectful that that's a sign that all guys know what that means.

[19:41]I mean,

[19:41]can you imagine just guys,

[19:44]everyone knows what this means.

[19:45]It's the rudest,

[19:46]worst thing.

[19:47]Literally.

[19:48]It's the worst thing at all.

[19:49]Guys are like,

[19:50]well,

[19:52]cause all those paintings of Jesus in Rome where he's,

[19:54]he's always doing the shocker.

[19:56]It's wild.

[19:57]When I was in college,

[19:57]I went to the,

[19:58]I studied the Russian Orthodox church in college.

[20:00]All we talked about was how much Jesus was doing the shocker in pictures.

[20:03]I don't think I got the point of the class.

[20:06]I feel like maybe I wasted my time and money.

[20:09]Roland,

[20:11]go on Russell.

[20:12]How's it going with you?

[20:12]Things are going,

[20:14]going good as you guys know,

[20:15]I believe Valentine's day is coming up.

[20:16]This will actually come out after Valentine's day.

[20:19]So there's no harm to me by asking the questions pre Valentine's day,

[20:22]but I thought I could maybe go to the advice corner,

[20:27]see how you guys handle Valentine's day and see if I can get some advice from

[20:30]you to the corner.

[20:31]Russell,

[20:32]I dare you serious.

[20:34]Russell,

[20:34]you're going to ask us for Valentine's advice.

[20:36]I think this is the wrong group chat.

[20:38]Well,

[20:38]maybe Rosie,

[20:39]maybe she just has Rosie.

[20:40]I don't know.

[20:41]I Jack off with my left hand on Valentine's.

[20:43]I mean,

[20:43]what?

[20:44]I switch it up.

[20:45]Just kidding.

[20:47]That would take hours.

[20:48]Can you even imagine?

[20:49]I sit on my left hand for two minutes,

[20:51]not just a minute and a half.

[20:52]Is that where the,

[20:53]have you ever tried it?

[20:54]Sands left finger,

[20:56]left ring finger,

[20:57]ring finger.

[20:58]Yeah.

[20:59]That's the figure I use the most.

[21:00]Actually.

[21:01]It's the perfect size.

[21:03]It's like,

[21:06]I'm,

[21:06]it's like I'm saying,

[21:07]okay,

[21:07]but I've got a series of questions I was going to ask you guys.

[21:11]Help,

[21:11]help me get through the holiday season here.

[21:13]If you will.

[21:14]All right.

[21:14]The first one is actually right in line for Aaron.

[21:16]Um,

[21:17]what type of tote bag do you buy for a gift on Valentine's day?

[21:20]It's gotta be a baguette tote bag,

[21:22]man.

[21:22]Those are the best.

[21:23]They're the best high quality.

[21:25]You got to get the baguette tote bag.

[21:27]Russell,

[21:28]are you trying to be celibate?

[21:30]Is this a choice?

[21:30]Are you going into like a monster or something?

[21:32]Bag is a great gift.

[21:35]I've been married for 18 years.

[21:37]If I got my wife a tote bag,

[21:38]she would divorce me.

[21:39]I,

[21:41]yeah,

[21:41]I have not,

[21:42]I've not tried the,

[21:42]I've not tried the tote,

[21:43]the bag is a Valentine bag.

[21:45]It's going to go.

[21:46]I am not going to a tote bag website.

[21:48]Am I right now?

[21:49]Yes,

[21:49]you are.

[21:49]Yep.

[21:50]It's happening.

[21:50]This is what you're suggesting.

[21:52]I buy for Valentine's day.

[21:54]You ask for a tote bag recommendation.

[21:56]These are good bags.

[21:56]Cross body bag shop.

[21:58]No,

[21:58]listen,

[21:58]a go pouch set $40.

[22:00]It's just four pouches.

[22:02]Russell.

[22:02]This is,

[22:03]Hey,

[22:03]wait a minute.

[22:04]Not a cross body bag.

[22:05]Maybe I do want to cross body bag.

[22:06]I'm telling you 40 bucks.

[22:08]If I spend that much,

[22:09]that'll get,

[22:09]give me at least through this Christmas,

[22:11]right?

[22:11]Oh yeah.

[22:12]Oh yeah.

[22:13]I listen.

[22:14]I think buying a girlfriend,

[22:15]a fanny pack,

[22:16]nothing says I love you like a fanny pack.

[22:19]If you,

[22:20]if you're saying that Russell,

[22:20]I'm not sure.

[22:21]I don't want to cause any trouble.

[22:22]Wait,

[22:25]Russell's got a girlfriend.

[22:26]I really,

[22:27]really like you.

[22:28]The next,

[22:28]the next question I have is what is your flower style?

[22:32]What is your flower style?

[22:33]When it comes to Valentine's,

[22:34]you always do flowers.

[22:35]What do you get?

[22:36]Something big,

[22:37]something small.

[22:38]What's your flower style?

[22:39]Double zero for that pizza dough.

[22:43]I used to like brown flour back as that would be slightly healthier.

[22:49]I'll say King Arthur's.

[22:49]You guys know me.

[22:53]I love flowers.

[22:53]I like to go to the flower shop and just be like,

[22:56]Oh,

[22:56]what's that thing?

[22:57]I like that.

[22:57]Last time I picked out flowers,

[22:59]um,

[22:59]ended up with some kale and then picked out a bunch of stuff to go with the

[23:03]kale.

[23:04]And I think it was nice.

[23:05]It didn't mean like too much.

[23:07]It was like too much.

[23:08]It was too purpley.

[23:09]Like I ended up with a lot of purple,

[23:10]which is,

[23:11]was not what I intended.

[23:12]I should have sprinkled in some other,

[23:13]some stuff in there.

[23:14]Yeah.

[23:15]Yeah.

[23:15]I like to,

[23:16]I like to go to the shop and just pick out some weird stuff.

[23:18]I don't know if she likes it,

[23:20]but I do.

[23:20]I pick out what I like.

[23:21]I was trying to buy some kale and I got home and he said,

[23:24]Hey,

[23:24]I used to play for the Celtics.

[23:26]And I was like,

[23:27]Oh,

[23:27]it's Kevin McHale.

[23:29]I go,

[23:29]I bought Kevin McHale.

[23:30]That's my bad.

[23:31]That's on me.

[23:32]Matt,

[23:33]what's your style?

[23:34]Are you a flower buyer?

[23:35]No.

[23:36]I mean,

[23:37]to be fair,

[23:38]my gal is Rosie would say,

[23:40]no,

[23:41]is that what you say?

[23:41]What do you say?

[23:42]My lady?

[23:43]I say my lady,

[23:44]but Rob's mom.

[23:44]She's not a big flower person,

[23:47]let alone a big roses person.

[23:49]So it's a,

[23:50]she likes getting flowers,

[23:52]but it's gotta be kind of,

[23:54]kind of like what Rosie said.

[23:56]It's got to kind of hit on what the mood is.

[23:58]So something might look great.

[24:00]Great.

[24:00]We'll get that.

[24:01]But it's not just flowers for flowers for her.

[24:03]From what I know,

[24:04]I might be getting myself in trouble.

[24:06]I don't think I am guys.

[24:07]I don't think this feels like a lot of pressure.

[24:09]I've got a flower buying technique that you guys are going to die for.

[24:13]Okay.

[24:13]First of all,

[24:14]I'm not going to talk about when I went to the bird store.

[24:16]Okay.

[24:16]And what I bought there,

[24:17]that's a whole different story.

[24:18]Do you,

[24:18]do you take the sticker off after you leave the gas station with the flowers

[24:21]or you leave the sticker on?

[24:22]There's no gas.

[24:23]I go,

[24:26]I do go to the bodega.

[24:27]I go to the flower place and I say,

[24:28]excuse me,

[24:29]can I have your cookies?

[24:29]If there's no gas stations,

[24:30]can I have your,

[24:31]well,

[24:31]it's at the bodegas actually,

[24:33]or yeah,

[24:34]pretty much everywhere.

[24:35]Actually,

[24:35]there's a,

[24:36]if I wanted to buy a cookie about every 10 feet in New York,

[24:38]I could and do.

[24:39]But at the flower store,

[24:41]I say,

[24:41]excuse me,

[24:42]can I have your third most expensive bouquet of flowers?

[24:45]Like not the cheapest,

[24:46]not the next one,

[24:48]but the next one up.

[24:48]That's a good one.

[24:49]That's a good one.

[24:50]Yeah.

[24:50]I think if it's got,

[24:51]that's how I buy tires,

[24:52]Rob,

[24:52]I go into the shop and say,

[24:53]what's your most expensive.

[24:54]Give me one level down from there.

[24:56]That's what I'll take.

[24:57]Perfect.

[24:57]Yeah.

[24:57]Cause it's not,

[24:58]there's no roses.

[24:59]You know what I mean?

[25:00]But there is some flowers in there.

[25:01]It's not just baby's breath or whatever that shit was.

[25:03]Rob,

[25:04]do you have to specify that you're talking about the third most expensive

[25:07]bouquet of real flowers and not fake flowers?

[25:09]Or could you accidentally land on the fake ones?

[25:12]Well,

[25:12]I,

[25:12]well,

[25:13]I mean,

[25:13]really what I do wrestle and for Valentine's day,

[25:15]and a lot of people don't realize this,

[25:17]you can actually get a really good deal right now.

[25:18]Cause it's off season on corsages.

[25:20]I buy my wife a corsage every Valentine's day.

[25:23]Like we're going to a dance.

[25:24]She puts it on her wrist.

[25:25]We walk around like that.

[25:27]She loves it.

[25:28]Okay.

[25:29]And then when she gives me her garter belt,

[25:31]I hang it on my rear view mirror.

[25:33]Okay.

[25:34]Do you guys want to bet if I had my girlfriend's garter belt from

[25:38]homecoming on my rear view mirror in my car in high school?

[25:42]When you're driving away fast.

[25:43]Oh God damn it.

[25:46]You're right.

[25:46]It is that same girl.

[25:47]And I did,

[25:48]I had that garter belt up and I was like,

[25:51]yes,

[25:52]this rules.

[25:52]And after a while I was like,

[25:53]Oh,

[25:53]that's kind of gross.

[25:54]Yeah.

[25:55]Does it start to smell funky at all?

[25:56]Aaron?

[25:57]It's not.

[25:58]What do you think a garter belt is doing?

[26:00]It's just on her leg.

[26:00]What if she's dancing hard and sweating?

[26:03]What?

[26:05]Wait,

[26:07]I got to go check my parents garage for a second.

[26:10]This is definitely confusing.

[26:12]Used what I should be doing for my flower.

[26:14]So,

[26:14]so I'm going to go with the mat and just assume that this,

[26:16]this Valentine's day date is not into flowers and go no,

[26:19]no flowers on this one.

[26:20]Right.

[26:21]I know.

[26:23]I think some flowers are a good idea.

[26:25]That's the safest bet.

[26:26]Russell flowers for Valentine's Russell.

[26:28]Tired.

[26:29]Cliche.

[26:30]Yeah.

[26:31]Corsage wired.

[26:33]Yeah.

[26:33]Okay.

[26:33]That's what people are doing these days.

[26:34]I would err on the side of flowers,

[26:36]but it's,

[26:36]it's your call.

[26:37]All right.

[26:38]How about this question?

[26:39]Card or no card?

[26:40]Okay.

[26:42]Always a card.

[26:42]Yeah.

[26:43]No card.

[26:44]What?

[26:44]No card.

[26:45]As much as I hate cards.

[26:48]I mean,

[26:48]they're just point.

[26:49]There's just a way might as well take $4 and light it on fire.

[26:52]Right.

[26:53]Like just so pointless,

[26:54]you know,

[26:55]so you're buying cheap ass cards,

[26:56]man.

[26:57]Yeah.

[26:57]Buy nice cards.

[26:58]Three 95.

[26:59]I go to get my three 95 cards.

[27:04]You know,

[27:05]they're just,

[27:05]it's,

[27:06]it's a must,

[27:07]even though I can't,

[27:07]you know,

[27:08]I've,

[27:08]I've worked it out with my mom.

[27:09]I don't know if I,

[27:10]if I told you guys this,

[27:11]but she,

[27:12]she's given me the same birthday card for the last like 13 years.

[27:15]Now I just give it back to her and she keeps it and then gives me the same

[27:18]card year after year.

[27:19]That's what I hate.

[27:21]That's one of the saddest things I've ever heard.

[27:22]A waste of time.

[27:24]I saw Aaron's lunch.

[27:25]That was sadder than Aaron's lunch.

[27:27]Aaron's and Aaron's lunch was sad.

[27:31]But there was celery in there.

[27:34]Just to let everybody know,

[27:36]Aaron did text the text chain,

[27:38]a picture of his lunch.

[27:38]And we all roasted him for about two days.

[27:42]So great discussion on the text.

[27:45]Good content.

[27:45]It was very bad.

[27:47]Uh,

[27:48]I,

[27:48]you guys really get your wives a card for Valentine's day.

[27:51]Yeah.

[27:51]I don't think I've ever gotten my wife a card ever.

[27:54]You know what?

[27:56]I'm going to get her a card this Valentine's day.

[27:58]It's going to rock her socks off.

[27:59]The problem is I'm not going to remember till like Valentine's night,

[28:02]like seven 30.

[28:02]So the only card there is going to be like,

[28:04]I like you.

[28:06]And I'm going to like cross out like,

[28:08]and write like love.

[28:11]How about this question?

[28:12]Valentine's chocolates,

[28:14]your thoughts,

[28:15]you get,

[28:16]do you get any sort of chocolates or some sort of edible,

[28:19]edible surprise?

[28:21]If you will.

[28:21]Ooh,

[28:22]Rob,

[28:23]we want to take that one.

[28:24]I have gone to,

[28:25]uh,

[28:26]where was it?

[28:27]It was a very nice chocolate store in New York on Valentine's.

[28:30]I went during my lunch break and I got her some very nice chocolates.

[28:33]One time much appreciated,

[28:34]but I'm going to tell you that place was packed on Valentine's day.

[28:37]You cannot go into a candy store on Valentine's day.

[28:39]It is the ultimate trap.

[28:41]Uh,

[28:42]but I don't know.

[28:42]I think chocolates are tough,

[28:43]right?

[28:44]It's it's,

[28:44]you got to get like,

[28:45]I would say the perfect number is like six,

[28:47]get her six chocolates anymore.

[28:49]Can't get her the big heart.

[28:50]Can't do it.

[28:51]I bought some chocolate covered dates today.

[28:54]Cause I was like,

[28:55]Oh,

[28:55]that's cool.

[28:56]Like,

[28:56]Oh,

[28:56]could chocolate covered dates.

[28:58]I got you some dates.

[28:59]That's cool.

[28:59]Cause we don't need to go out on as many dates,

[29:01]right?

[29:01]Here's Aaron at the store picking out chocolate covered dates.

[29:03]Hey,

[29:04]this is cool.

[29:04]That was it.

[29:06]That was me.

[29:06]Can I get the third most expensive chocolate covered dates,

[29:09]please?

[29:11]wow.

[29:12]Those are the first ones we've sold in 30 years.

[29:14]I,

[29:15]I never used to be like,

[29:17]it was much more that she would be the one to eat the sweets.

[29:19]And I was never into sweets.

[29:20]And lately I eat the chocolate in the house and she doesn't.

[29:23]So this year I was like,

[29:24]well,

[29:24]I do want to buy her some nice chocolate,

[29:25]but I'm going to be the one to eat it.

[29:27]So that feels like,

[29:28]that feels like not,

[29:30]it doesn't really count.

[29:31]Like I bought it,

[29:31]but like I,

[29:33]I got it.

[29:33]It feels like buying concert tickets for her for the concert.

[29:36]You want to go to,

[29:37]right?

[29:37]Right.

[29:37]So it feels like I still got to do something else too.

[29:39]All right.

[29:41]Next question.

[29:42]Let's say the person you're dating or you're going on a Valentine's day date

[29:46]with this Valentine's day date.

[29:48]Let's say they're much,

[29:49]they're a planner and they went out of their way and they made plans for you

[29:53]for Valentine's day.

[29:54]Is that a bad deal?

[29:55]If you didn't make the plans and the person you're going on a date with made

[29:59]the plans for you.

[30:00]Listen,

[30:00]if they're a planner,

[30:02]it's what they like.

[30:03]It's what they get off on.

[30:04]Let it go with it.

[30:05]They like doing it.

[30:06]If they did it,

[30:07]let them do it.

[30:08]What are you going to do?

[30:08]Make,

[30:08]make concurrent plans,

[30:10]like make,

[30:11]make,

[30:11]make other plans.

[30:12]Russell,

[30:12]have you ever made plans for a date with them?

[30:14]With this one or with any dates?

[30:17]With any dates.

[30:18]Technically.

[30:20]Yes.

[30:20]Yes.

[30:21]Then guess what?

[30:22]Fuck it.

[30:23]Let them make the plan.

[30:24]One time they,

[30:25]they get to make the plan.

[30:26]Russell.

[30:26]I think it's great.

[30:28]Hold on.

[30:29]Russell,

[30:29]can you take your headphones off for a second?

[30:31]You bet.

[30:31]Guys,

[30:33]do you think like this person's taking the bull by the horns?

[30:36]Cause they don't like Russell's date plans.

[30:38]Kind of concerned here.

[30:40]I said,

[30:40]do you think they're giving him a,

[30:41]a message like,

[30:42]Hey,

[30:42]this is what a real date looks like.

[30:44]Or do you think,

[30:45]you know,

[30:46]no,

[30:46]I I'm wrong.

[30:46]I think what it is is Russell.

[30:48]If I know Russell,

[30:49]he's,

[30:49]he does so much planning and he's so good at planning that this person's

[30:53]finally trying to just give it back just a little bit.

[30:55]Say,

[30:55]look,

[30:55]you do it all.

[30:56]You do such a great job.

[30:58]I'm going to be the one on bail.

[30:59]That's that's got to enjoy this time.

[31:00]Do you see that?

[31:01]Do you see that part on the beach where there were only one set of

[31:04]footsteps going to white castle for Valentine's day?

[31:07]That is where I carry this on the date.

[31:11]Okay.

[31:11]I would say,

[31:12]come on back,

[31:13]come on back.

[31:13]I had the phones in.

[31:14]I'm a little suspicious because Russell's telling me before we got on

[31:17]that he,

[31:18]his date was planning a trip to a,

[31:20]a jewelry store,

[31:22]a ring store.

[31:23]So I think that's a bad sign.

[31:24]You got to look out.

[31:25]It would be entrapment legally.

[31:27]That's a trap.

[31:27]Well,

[31:27]they,

[31:28]they sell those necklaces,

[31:29]right?

[31:29]You realize this doesn't help me.

[31:31]You realize this is not what they sent.

[31:33]They,

[31:33]they have those necklaces where it's like two hearts that are together

[31:36]and stuff.

[31:36]So maybe she,

[31:37]she wants one of those necklaces,

[31:39]right?

[31:39]Yep.

[31:40]And you can get a discount.

[31:41]If you get other people's names on there,

[31:42]just let everybody know that you can get this.

[31:44]I think that in this case,

[31:45]if your date made the plans,

[31:46]you go along with it,

[31:48]you enjoy it.

[31:48]You're very grateful and clear that you enjoy that,

[31:51]that they made the plans.

[31:53]And then you,

[31:55]you try to follow up and I'm not a good planner either,

[31:59]but at some point you try to make your,

[32:00]your own plan as well.

[32:01]You try to return the favor.

[32:02]Right.

[32:03]Here's the,

[32:03]here's the next question.

[32:04]So let's say they made plans as a dinner plan.

[32:06]Very nice restaurant.

[32:07]They're doing like one of the preset menus,

[32:09]if you will.

[32:10]And you prepay for it.

[32:11]It's Valentine's day date prepaid for it.

[32:15]Am I obligated to reimburse?

[32:16]No,

[32:18]not monetarily.

[32:20]Whoa.

[32:20]That Russell Russell.

[32:25]I think go for what Aaron says.

[32:29]If Aaron says it,

[32:30]it's gotta be,

[32:30]that's big nuts.

[32:32]Russell.

[32:32]Holy shit.

[32:34]You're not even going to offer reimburse.

[32:35]I mean,

[32:36]keep in mind,

[32:37]I've been married for a long time.

[32:38]So the,

[32:38]the finances have been,

[32:40]have been together for a very long time.

[32:41]I think we call that co-mingling in the business.

[32:44]Yeah.

[32:44]Co-mingled.

[32:45]I know once again,

[32:46]I feel like that you,

[32:47]you enjoy this,

[32:48]you appreciate the largesse,

[32:50]the planning,

[32:51]the,

[32:51]the,

[32:52]the like that you are receiving.

[32:54]I don't know if we,

[32:54]cause I don't know if we say love or not.

[32:56]So the,

[32:56]the life sharing,

[32:57]and then you do,

[33:00]you do that for them the next time.

[33:02]Well,

[33:03]it's better than it's better than what I'm doing for Valentine's day.

[33:06]Russell,

[33:06]you know what I'm doing?

[33:07]Putting a cardboard box in front of your wife's door.

[33:10]So the dog,

[33:11]doesn't scratch against that knife.

[33:13]- That's actually very romantic.

[33:14]- Brilliant callback.

[33:16]Brilliant.

[33:17]- She put a cardboard box in front of the door.

[33:18]I can't even get in.

[33:19]I think it's a bad,

[33:20]I don't know how to get around it.

[33:22]It's impenetrable.

[33:23]- He's just scratching at the door.

[33:25]- No,

[33:26]I'm just eating a lot of pineapple.

[33:27]Hey babe,

[33:29]my gift to you.

[33:30]- All right.

[33:35]So the final question is how many hours in advance of your

[33:39]Valentine's day date should you have this figured

[33:41]out and am I already too close to the date where I'm

[33:43]already fucked?

[33:44]- Well,

[33:46]Valentine's is in three days,

[33:47]right?

[33:48]- I don't know.

[33:50]I don't know.

[33:51]- Well technically three for you.

[33:56]- No,

[33:57]it's midnight,

[33:57]but yeah.

[33:58]- No,

[34:00]why,

[34:01]why fight it?

[34:02]What's it?

[34:03]I mean,

[34:03]when Russell,

[34:04]do you deserve it?

[34:05]Let me ask you this,

[34:06]Russell.

[34:07]Okay.

[34:08]We've had,

[34:08]we've had issues with this before where you say things like,

[34:09]oh, that wasn't very good.

[34:10]Russell, do you deserve to be treated like that?

[34:11]Are you treated?

[34:12]Well?

[34:12]- Yes.

[34:15]- Absolutely.

[34:16]Russell, you're the man.

[34:17]Okay.

[34:17]You,

[34:18]somebody wants to take your ass out and take you to red

[34:20]lobster.

[34:21]Guess what?

[34:22]You get out,

[34:23]you get wine,

[34:24]you get dying.

[34:25]- I think it's great.

[34:26]I think it sounds awesome.

[34:27]- And I would say on Valentine's day,

[34:29]69 guys on top.

[34:31]Okay.

[34:32]That's our promise to you on Valentine's day this year,

[34:33]69 guys are on top.

[34:36]Okay.

[34:37]Switch it up this year.

[34:38]Guys on top for 69.

[34:40]- All right.

[34:41]I'll switch it up and I'll call Rob up rolling.

[34:42]Go on.

[34:43]How's it going with you,

[34:44]Rob?

[34:45]You're up second.

[34:45]- Oh my God.

[34:46]This is so fast.

[34:47]Listen,

[34:48]that's what she said.

[34:49]I went out today.

[34:50]Okay.

[34:51]And I'm just going to tell you guys this,

[34:52]but I'm going to edit it out with a guy.

[34:53]I cannot fucking stand.

[34:55]- Oh, that's the worst.

[34:57]- This guy,

[34:58]I don't get along with this guy so much.

[35:00]You guys know me.

[35:01]I asked for somebody to mediate between us at work.

[35:04]That's how bad it is.

[35:05]Can you imagine me asking for mediation?

[35:08]I said,

[35:08]I will not talk with you anymore until we have mediation.

[35:10]That's how bad it is.

[35:12]So now of course,

[35:13]my now mission is to have him think that I like him.

[35:15]It's a trick.

[35:16]Okay.

[35:17]But we're in the elevator.

[35:17]We're chatting.

[35:18]He's like,

[35:19]Hey, you going out to this thing?

[35:20]And I was like,

[35:21]yeah.

[35:22]And he goes,

[35:22]Hey, you buying first drink?

[35:23]And I was like,

[35:24]and look at the shirt I'm wearing.

[35:25]I'm wearing the hard daddy shirt today.

[35:26]I think it's this shirt where people just want to treat me

[35:29]like a fucking asshole.

[35:30]So I say,

[35:31]okay.

[35:32]I was like,

[35:33]ha ha.

[35:33]Yes, I will.

[35:34]As long as you buy the second and third,

[35:35]we get there.

[35:37]Good joke, by the way,

[35:38]we get there.

[35:39]He takes me up on it.

[35:40]I am now buying him.

[35:41]And guess what he ordered for a drink?

[35:44]- A cosmopolitan.

[35:46]- A Glenlivet 15

[35:49]with a side of pineapple juice,

[35:54]a chaser of pineapple juice,

[35:55]which by the way,

[35:57]when I got the receipt,

[35:58]$7 for the pineapple juice,

[35:59]$7 for the side of it.

[36:01]- How much for a Glenlivet 15,

[36:03]22, 24?

[36:04]- I didn't even want to see it.

[36:06]I would throw up if I saw it.

[36:08]And then as he was leaving,

[36:09]he goes,

[36:10]oh, are you getting another drink?

[36:11]And I was like,

[36:12]no, I've already had like four.

[36:13]I'm not.

[36:14]He's like,

[36:14]I said,

[36:15]oh, you can just give me next time.

[36:16]He's like, oh, okay.

[36:17]I was like, you didn't.

[36:18]Can you imagine telling somebody to buy you a drink

[36:20]and then giving them that drink order to make?

[36:22]Outrageous, right?

[36:24]Like what's your guys' policy

[36:26]on going out with people from work to have drinks?

[36:28]Is it a yay or a nay or what?

[36:30]I used to work at a school where I do it every Friday

[36:32]and now it's just a big nay.

[36:34]It's always a bummer.

[36:35]- My work,

[36:39]slightly bragging here, but not really,

[36:40]but like before I got there, it was complete.

[36:43]Nobody talked to anybody.

[36:45]Nobody hung out with anybody.

[36:46]It was just a Debbie Downer.

[36:48]- Well, you do work at a funeral home.

[36:49]- Of the place, right?

[36:50]'Cause everybody works together,

[36:51]but then they just go their separate ways.

[36:53]And I came up in the world

[36:54]that you can't just work with people, right?

[36:57]Like you got to have a beer with them every once in a while.

[37:00]I've got people that I work with.

[37:02]Sometimes they got to do shitty stuff.

[37:04]And I, you know, I'm the one like,

[37:05]hey, we got to do this report or whatever, right?

[37:08]And so I go and I say, we're having happy hour

[37:11]and I'm going to buy beer.

[37:12]'Cause the last thing somebody wants to do

[37:15]is do some shitty job.

[37:16]But at least if they got to do a shitty job,

[37:18]at least somebody bought them beer

[37:19]for doing it kind of thing, right?

[37:20]So that's my philosophy.

[37:21]So I, you know, once a month, quarterly,

[37:25]something like that.

[37:26]If there's somebody's birthday,

[37:27]it's a big birthday or something like that.

[37:29]I think it's, you got to do it.

[37:31]You got to go out and you got to do something

[37:32]other than just work with the people you're with.

[37:35]But it can't be, to your point, Rob,

[37:37]it can't be an every Friday.

[37:38]It can't be a Friday thing, I don't think.

[37:39]'Cause then it just gets old

[37:40]and it gets sour a little bit

[37:43]and everybody's kind of, some people come,

[37:45]only the really, really desperate, lonely people

[37:48]show up every Friday, right?

[37:49]'Cause everybody's got other stuff going on.

[37:51]So yeah, I'm with you.

[37:52]But no, you got to do it every once in a while.

[37:55]- I used to go out every Friday with Suzanne.

[37:57]- Yeah, in my twenties, my first job,

[38:01]I worked at a group home and the shift was three to 11.

[38:05]And I went out- - Whoa.

[38:07]- I went out- - Yeah.

[38:08]- Four nights out of five with my coworkers.

[38:10]I went to restrooms.

[38:12]So you'd get off between 10:30 and 11,

[38:14]you'd head over to restrooms and then you'd go home at two.

[38:16]Sometimes if you had to work the 7:00 AM shift,

[38:18]you'd come back at seven.

[38:20]But now in the last 10 years,

[38:22]I don't think I've gone for drinks with coworkers

[38:23]more than three times.

[38:24]It's not something I do anymore.

[38:26]- Yeah, I agree.

[38:28]- But you are management though.

[38:29]- That's true. - That's true, yeah.

[38:31]- Yeah, yeah, that's true.

[38:32]It is a weird thing, right?

[38:34]- It is.

[38:35]I mean, isn't the point of a work happy hours to go in, like,

[38:38]complain about your boss?

[38:39]- Yeah. - Yeah, absolutely.

[38:40]- I think if you're a manager and these things happen,

[38:41]you kind of got to go, you got to have one.

[38:43]- You go get one and then you got to hide.

[38:44]- You got to have one and then you got to get out of there.

[38:46]Yep.

[38:47]- Aaron shows up at the bar, "Hey."

[38:48]- You got to pay for the one.

[38:49]- Yep.

[38:50]- "Hey, everybody.

[38:51]Listen, today I'm not your boss, I'm your friend.

[38:53]Okay, let's sit down.

[38:54]Did I tell you guys about when I worked in a group home?

[38:56]I drank every night.

[38:57]Well, see you guys later.

[39:01]- Aaron, I think the move, if you do go for the one,

[39:03]is then you buy like two more rounds on your way out.

[39:06]So then they at least feel guilty when they're trashing you

[39:08]when you're not there.

[39:09]- That's a good point. - That's a good thought.

[39:10]That's a good thought.

[39:11]We haven't done any in-person stuff for three years.

[39:12]I have a couple coming up this year.

[39:14]So I'm going to rely on you guys for advice about that.

[39:17]- Roland, go on.

[39:18]Aaron, how's it going with you?

[39:19]- I don't know, it's going, it's going okay.

[39:24]Kind of up and down this week.

[39:25]Are you guys, you know, like-

[39:27]- Is this your job at the yo-yo factory?

[39:29]- Yeah, it's my job at the yo-yo factory again.

[39:31]You know how we've talked about, like, as we get older,

[39:34]sometimes we're more into sports,

[39:35]sometimes we're more into sports.

[39:35]Sometimes we're less, like,

[39:36]I think all of us on this podcast have been a little bit

[39:39]out on sports at various points in the last three years.

[39:42]I did get really into the NBA trade deadline this year,

[39:45]but then it just, it bums me out

[39:47]because it makes me think of my own mortality.

[39:50]Like, I'm watching the end

[39:52]of Russell Westbrook's career now, right?

[39:55]This guy was an absolute supernova athlete,

[39:58]like nothing we've seen before.

[40:00]And now everything about what's happening with him

[40:03]is a total bummer.

[40:04]He's also not, particularly,

[40:05]particularly nice, which is also a bummer.

[40:07]And it just makes you think about yourself getting older.

[40:09]So I don't know, I might be out on sports.

[40:10]I might just, I might just go back

[40:12]to only listening to music like you guys.

[40:14]It's just, it's too real for me watching this stuff.

[40:16]- And so, so Rosie, you are,

[40:17]you are bemoaning your, your life,

[40:20]thinking about Russell Wilson.

[40:21]Do you want, or tell me, Russell Westbrook, I mean,

[40:24]and not Mr. Unlimited.

[40:26]Can you tell me, what year was he born?

[40:28]I just looked it up.

[40:29]- Oh, he's much younger than I.

[40:30]He's probably born in, like, 1989.

[40:32]- Yeah, he's 1988.

[40:33]He's 1988. - Ooh, I was close.

[40:34]Did you hear that? - He's 1988.

[40:35]Did you hear that?

[40:36]- Yes, I did.

[40:37]You're gonna die way before Russell Westbrook.

[40:38]Don't worry about it. - I know.

[40:39]That's the thing.

[40:40]- He should not be your indicator.

[40:41]- This is the only girl in my life

[40:42]where I'm way older than everyone.

[40:42]- Rosie's probably not.

[40:44]Why are you guys all looking at me?

[40:46]- This is the point in my life where I know that I'm--

[40:48]- It's your show.

[40:49]You're the host.

[40:50]We gotta look at you.

[40:51]- And then these guys.

[40:53]No, it's just, it's just grappling with your own mortality.

[40:55]That's all.

[40:56]And he's just an example.

[40:57]I'm not worried about Russell.

[40:58]He's gonna be fine in his life.

[40:59]- Are we talking about me or Westbrook now?

[41:01]Now I'm getting weirded out.

[41:02]- Both Russells.

[41:03]Both Russells in my life, I feel good about them.

[41:05]- I think about my mortality every time this year

[41:08]because I think to myself,

[41:08]what if I have a heart attack

[41:10]in the Duane Reade on Valentine's Day?

[41:12]That would be an all-time bummer, wouldn't it?

[41:15]Like you can just feel like your left arm goes numb

[41:17]and you look around and you're like,

[41:18]oh my God, these giant hearts everywhere.

[41:20]A nary one to help me out.

[41:22]- Especially if you were waiting for the concierge

[41:25]to come open up the lock and key to get out.

[41:28]- Oh yeah.

[41:29]- The dish or whatever's under lock and key.

[41:31]He stays at the Duane Reade, right?

[41:34]- Can you open up this AED thing to shock me back to life?

[41:36]And he's like, okay,

[41:37]we need somebody to the AED section, please, AED.

[41:41]He also needs small condoms, please.

[41:43]- That would be a pretty crappy way to go.

[41:45]Like, you know, Walgreens or a Duane Reade,

[41:47]like you're the last people you see

[41:49]is the person working behind the counter there.

[41:52]- Oh, can you, man.

[41:53]And they're kind of like annoyed.

[41:54]They're like, yes.

[41:56]I tell my students all the time, I'm like, listen, bye.

[41:58]- Unless you're within arm's reach of the Cadbury eggs

[42:00]and you can grab any,

[42:01]one last Cadbury egg on your way out.

[42:03]- That is true.

[42:04]That is a, you flipped the script on that one, Eric.

[42:06]- Can I tell you guys, I have a Cadbury egg announcement.

[42:09]- Oh, that's so gross.

[42:10]- Okay.

[42:12]I have a Cadbury egg announcement.

[42:13]I now have a Cad buddy.

[42:16]- What?

[42:16]- Egg friend. - What is that?

[42:18]- My Cad buddy egg friend is Suzanne.

[42:21]We are texting each other every time

[42:22]we've eaten a Cadbury egg this Easter season.

[42:25]Anytime we eat a Cadbury egg, we will be texting each other.

[42:27]I have already texted her twice.

[42:29]Okay, I have eaten two Cadbury eggs

[42:31]and they are delicious.

[42:32]I have no regrets.

[42:34]- Love it.

[42:35]And then the one thing I want to celebrate this week

[42:36]is I finally finished a book

[42:38]that I've been trying to finish for a long time,

[42:40]which means that my family can now go back to the library

[42:43]because they've all been waiting for me to finish this book

[42:45]so they can go back to the library.

[42:48]I don't know, every time we'd be like,

[42:49]well, dad hasn't finished his book yet.

[42:50]And they're all like,

[42:51]and shout out the Oakland Public Library.

[42:54]They now automatically renew your books.

[42:56]So the books were all renewing automatically.

[42:58]So we didn't have to go back.

[42:59]So we'll probably hit the library this weekend.

[43:01]- You never need to return that book.

[43:02]Keep that shit at home.

[43:03]Why go back?

[43:04]Why bring it back?

[43:05]Fuck them.

[43:06]- Aaron, it's yours.

[43:08]- It's actually a great point.

[43:08]It's actually a great point.

[43:09]- Was the book called

[43:10]"The Game Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists"?

[43:14]- No, it was not.

[43:17]No, it was "Moon Witch Spider King"

[43:19]by Macalester College Professor, Marlon James.

[43:22]- What was it about?

[43:24]- Matt, how's it really going with,

[43:25]oh man, it's about, it's like, it's about,

[43:27]it's about, it's about this woman named Sogalon who lives,

[43:31]for almost 300 years.

[43:32]She falls in love with a shape-shifting guy

[43:36]who is also a lion,

[43:37]and she is chasing after a magical boy

[43:42]who may or may not become king of this kingdom.

[43:46]And then there's this chancellor named the Iezi

[43:48]who is trying to also capture the boy.

[43:51]And so she and he are rivals the whole way.

[43:53]And at some point she becomes the moon witch

[43:55]and does a lot of work to avenge women

[43:57]who've been wronged by men.

[43:59]And there are all kinds of fantastical creatures like the,

[44:01]the Isha Logu, which is a bird type thing

[44:05]that is a little bit like a dragon.

[44:08]I could keep going, but I don't know.

[44:11]- Rob, you have to have a soundbite for this.

[44:13]Rob, you have to have a soundbite for this.

[44:14]- I'm sorry, honestly, I was like.

[44:16]- Rob, you have a soundbite, right?

[44:18]Like if you don't do the soundbite here.

[44:20]- I mean, really, there's no,

[44:21]there's no like Spider-Man in this book at all.

[44:24]- There's a spider king.

[44:25]Yeah, there's a king who's a spider.

[44:26]So it's like a boy who's also a spider.

[44:28]And sometimes he appears as a spider and there's a lot of shape-shifting.

[44:31]There's a lot of shape-shifting going on there.

[44:32]- Rolling going, Matt, how's it going with Matt?

[44:35]- Pretty good.

[44:36]I heard a stat this week and I was kind of floored.

[44:40]So I thought I'd run this by you just to see.

[44:42]- All right.

[44:43]- I don't know if it's a stat or a fact,

[44:44]but how old were the Golden Girls when the show started?

[44:49]How old were each of the Golden Girls, do you think?

[44:53]So we got Rose.

[44:56]We got Rose, Rose was Betty White.

[44:58]She was the one from St. Olaf, who went to St. Olaf.

[45:00]How old do you think?

[45:01]- Rose was when the show started.

[45:02]- Probably late '65.

[45:03]- Probably late '50s.

[45:04]- I was going to say '50s.

[45:07]- '55.

[45:08]- Yeah.

[45:09]- Dorothy was Bea Arthur, the tall one, her mom.

[45:12]She had the mom there.

[45:13]How old do you think Dorothy was?

[45:14]- I think she was '62.

[45:16]- '54.

[45:19]- '54?

[45:20]- '54.

[45:20]- '54.

[45:21]- All these-

[45:22]- She's supposed to be.

[45:23]That's what her character was.

[45:24]- All these are within my dating age range, I would say.

[45:26]Oh my God.

[45:27]That's hot.

[45:28]- Blanche, Blanche was the one, she was the promiscuous one.

[45:31]How old do you think Blanche was?

[45:32]- '49.

[45:33]- '53.

[45:36]- '53.

[45:37]- She was '53.

[45:38]So we got Rose at '55, Dorothy at '54, and Blanche at '53.

[45:42]I would have thought for sure, I had no idea.

[45:44]I mean, we were kids when that show came out kind of thing.

[45:47]I would have thought for sure it was like late '60s,

[45:49]early '70s.

[45:50]I had no idea.

[45:51]- I would like to see-

[45:52]- Well, and Estelle Getty was the youngest one, right?

[45:55]- Juxtaposed with J.Lo on the most recent Grammys.

[45:58]Isn't J.Lo like '51?

[46:01]- J.Lo was almost the same age as the Golden Girls.

[46:04]- Imagine if you had a love triangle between Blanche

[46:08]from the Golden Girls and J.Lo,

[46:09]like you were playing them against each other.

[46:12]- Oh, wow.

[46:13]- Hey, come over here and sit on my face.

[46:15]No, no, wait, not you.

[46:16]- What?

[46:17]- That's how love triangles go for you, right?

[46:21]- Yeah, it's a lot of me bossing people around.

[46:23]If I had a love triangle with Blanche and J.Lo,

[46:27]it would be Blanche in the closet with a camera.

[46:29]- Yeah. - That would be her role.

[46:30]The love triangle.

[46:32]- So the only reason this was like,

[46:35]this kind of came up-

[46:36]- I'm on top, by the way, 69, I'm on top, Valentine's Day.

[46:39]- Oh, happy Valentine's Day, J.Lo.

[46:42]Thanks for listening.

[46:43]- You gotta watch it.

[46:43]Blanche might have like osteoporosis or some, Rob.

[46:45]You might break her.

[46:46]- Yeah, I'd give her some Activa first.

[46:48]She'd be fine.

[46:49]- So the whole reason this came up

[46:51]is that there's a Sex and the City reboot.

[46:54]- Yeah.

[46:55]- And you know where this is going,

[46:56]but guess how old the three women,

[47:00]there's only three of them, they're coming out.

[47:00]They're coming back.

[47:01]Guess how old they are now in the Sex and the City reboot.

[47:05]- Older than the Golden Girls.

[47:06]- 54 and 55.

[47:09]So the Sex and the City reboot,

[47:11]the characters are going to be the same age

[47:13]as the Golden Girls.

[47:14]- Oh, that's good stuff.

[47:15]- Which just blew my mind for some reason.

[47:16]- Wow, that's great.

[47:18]- That was my stat of the week.

[47:19]That's all I had.

[47:20]- That's a wild one.

[47:21]- That's a great stat.

[47:22]- I watched so much Golden Girls when I was growing up.

[47:25]Like it was just on, it was again,

[47:26]I was just on the TV, so I would watch it.

[47:28]It's a show about four geriatric women.

[47:30]- There is literally very little I could relate to less.

[47:35]And I just, I watched, I was like, oh yeah.

[47:37]Like, can you imagine your kid comes upstairs?

[47:41]Hey, what have you been doing for the last two hours?

[47:43]Oh, I've been downstairs watching the Golden Girls.

[47:45]What?

[47:46]You're an 11 year old boy.

[47:47]Why are you watching the Golden Girls?

[47:48]I don't know.

[47:49]- They probably thought you were using it as like a coverup

[47:51]when you were really watching TLC videos on MTV Live

[47:54]or whatever.

[47:55]- So I freak.

[47:58]Yeah, just like creeps.

[48:00]♪ Been on the down low ♪

[48:02]♪ Let's talk about the album ♪

[48:04]♪ Oh ♪

[48:05]- It's getting trippy.

[48:05]- Yeah.

[48:06]- Oh, it's like, so I, it's like creep,

[48:08]but one of them has a walker.

[48:09]Texas Ranger.

[48:12]Listen, about the album.

[48:14]We are doing "Dummy" by Portishead.

[48:16]Now let me ask you, Matt and Aaron,

[48:18]have you guys ever heard this album before?

[48:20]- No.

[48:21]- Yeah, about a year and a half ago

[48:23]when I listened to it once.

[48:25]- How did I miss this album?

[48:26]This is a totally, I just--

[48:27]- I knew "Sour" or whatever it's called,

[48:28]"Sour Times" or whatever, but I didn't know any other time.

[48:30]I've never heard the album.

[48:31]- Russell, have you ever heard this album before,

[48:34]"Dummy" by Portishead?

[48:35]- I have never heard of it before,

[48:36]and I thought that was kind of weird,

[48:37]especially being this high on the list.

[48:39]Wasn't it mid '90s, or what's the year of the album?

[48:42]- It is '94, which is Matt's favorite year.

[48:45]- Greatest year.

[48:46]- There was part of me that was almost antagonistic

[48:49]when I saw this.

[48:50]I was like, you're telling me an album

[48:52]that is this high on the list,

[48:53]which is right in the prime

[48:54]of when we would have been into music,

[48:56]and I'd never heard of it.

[48:57]So I was originally very antagonistic about this ranking.

[49:00]- It feels like I had to have heard it at a coffee shop,

[49:03]like at Urban Bean or Plan B at some point in the aughts,

[49:07]but I never sat down and listened

[49:08]to the whole thing myself.

[49:10]- That's a great point.

[49:11]So this album, "Dummy," I mean, this really,

[49:14]the number one thing it says all across Wikipedia,

[49:16]all everywhere, is that this is what popularized trip-hop,

[49:19]right, which was kind of this hip-hop form

[49:21]coming out of England at the time,

[49:22]where it's more kind of psychedelic, more,

[49:25]it's still hip-hop, but it's samples,

[49:27]but it's more trippy, more soundscape type.

[49:30]And basically,

[49:30]this album, it's kind of interesting how they did it.

[49:32]This album wasn't recorded digitally.

[49:34]They actually sampled, they have samples on this album,

[49:36]right, it's just like Beastie Boys.

[49:38]I gotta admit, parts of this album

[49:40]gave me a little bit of Wu-Tang vibe

[49:42]with some of the samples they did,

[49:43]because they also threw in-

[49:46]- The haunting jazz kind of stuff, yeah.

[49:48]- I like the track when they were talking about

[49:51]what they were going to do with the hot poker.

[49:53]They recorded their music to a tape,

[50:00]and then sampled that the way they sampled everything else.

[50:03]So instead of just playing it right on the tape,

[50:05]that's why when I first heard this album,

[50:07]I was like, I don't like this.

[50:07]It's not, it doesn't sound very good.

[50:09]It's not very clear, but that's the whole point.

[50:11]They literally took records that they were sampling,

[50:13]and Aaron, this is going to upset you when I say this.

[50:16]They put them on the ground and distressed them

[50:17]by walking on them and quote, using them like a skateboard.

[50:21]That's what they did with the records.

[50:22]- That's messed up.

[50:23]- To make them sound like this.

[50:24]- I don't like that.

[50:25]- Hey, Matt, can we get our pretentious meter out?

[50:27]Can we check that one or not?

[50:30]- I mean, they're English, they come from England.

[50:35]So it's just kind of given.

[50:36]- Are you horny, baby?

[50:37]Yeah.

[50:38]- I definitely don't.

[50:39]I'm just so, I don't like when,

[50:41]I mean, we're going to get into the album,

[50:43]but I don't like when there's vinyl static crackle

[50:46]on digital music.

[50:47]That just pisses me off.

[50:48]And Jay Dilla, who's one of my favorites,

[50:50]Dilla did it on Donuts too.

[50:51]And it just, that makes me crazy.

[50:54]'Cause then when you, if you happen to buy the vinyl,

[50:56]then you're like, why isn't my vinyl making,

[50:58]why is my vinyl clean?

[50:58]Turns out it is clean.

[50:59]They put that on the record.

[51:00]That's their purpose.

[51:01]- So here we have, basically,

[51:04]welcome to Trip Hop, everybody.

[51:05]This is Portishead.

[51:07]And we're going to start out with Mysterions.

[51:10]I mean, when I first played this,

[51:14]I did not know what Portishead did.

[51:16]And this kind of, it kind of blew my mind actually.

[51:19]- I mean, I had an idea for what to expect,

[51:22]but I had never, I had never dug in.

[51:26]But it's, so 94 was Radiohead doing,

[51:30]when is OK Computer after this, right?

[51:33]- Yeah, that's later, that's towards 2000.

[51:35]- Yeah, so this feels like Radiohead

[51:36]must have listened to this, right?

[51:38]- I don't think that's, I think that's very accurate.

[51:40]I think that's a great point.

[51:42]Can I ask a potentially dumb question?

[51:43]Had any of you ever heard of the genre called Trip Hop

[51:47]before this album?

[51:48]- No.

[51:51]- I heard of it, but I'd never gotten into it.

[51:52]- Heard of it, but I couldn't have defined it for you.

[51:54]Yeah.

[51:55]- Who are the other ones, Massive Attack

[51:56]and Tricky or whatever,

[51:58]and that's the only other people I would know?

[52:00]Tricky.

[52:01]- I had an ex-girlfriend who we went to a concert

[52:04]of a band that was like this at St. Olaf.

[52:07]And it was down in the gym,

[52:09]but it was like the secondary gym.

[52:10]And there was only like 10 people at this whole concert.

[52:13]And she got so into this band

[52:15]that she bought like all their CDs

[52:17]and would listen to them constantly.

[52:19]And it was so annoying.

[52:21]It was one of the worst things where I was like,

[52:22]I did not think the concert was that great.

[52:24]And then she bought all the CDs and I was like,

[52:26]she was like, this is our thing,

[52:27]we're gonna listen to this forever.

[52:28]And I was like, oh no.

[52:30]I'm trapped.

[52:31]- You're like, no, catch me on Roosevelt Island.

[52:34]- And then I didn't get her a card for Valentine's Day.

[52:36]So she broke up with me.

[52:37]Sour Times.

[52:39]This is the only song to appear on the Billboard Top 100

[52:42]all the way up to 53.

[52:43]- This one feels like it launched Dido's career to me.

[52:47]- Well, that's the thing is that her voice is unbelievable.

[52:52]- She's great, yeah.

[52:53]Yeah, she's borrowing from Billie Holiday

[52:57]and others for sure.

[52:58]And honestly, like,

[53:00]all those verve remixes of jazz tunes,

[53:03]like this, that feels like this inspired that stuff too.

[53:06]Like this just feels like it spawned, you know, a few,

[53:08]a few things.

[53:09]- You know what I heard with this is I heard James Bond music.

[53:13]This sounded like a James Bond song to me.

[53:15]And that was actually, I started looking at it

[53:17]and it turns out they were using,

[53:18]I don't know if you had this Rob,

[53:20]but they were sampled a song.

[53:22]I think it was called Danube Incident.

[53:23]It was in a Mission Impossible movie.

[53:26]But I heard James Bond and I was actually,

[53:27]I started Googling it and there's a lot of people,

[53:30]that kind of think that Beth Gibbons

[53:32]and Portishead would have been perfect

[53:34]for James Bond music, right?

[53:37]And so I started thinking about it

[53:38]and I thought we could do a list

[53:41]of the greatest theme songs ever

[53:43]in the James Bond movie history.

[53:45]- Wow.

[53:46]- I love it.

[53:47]- Wow.

[53:48]- Wow, wow, wow.

[53:49]- I wonder how many of these I've actually seen.

[53:51]I haven't seen that many Bond movies.

[53:53]- Oh.

[53:54]- I've seen all the Daniel Craig ones.

[53:55]They're all on Delta.

[53:57]That's all I got through.

[53:58]- Yeah, they're good too.

[54:00]I like those.

[54:01]- They are good.

[54:01]They're great.

[54:02]- I will say, I've been doing a search lately

[54:03]of where Bond talks about how old he is.

[54:06]So I type, I'm searching a lot for Bond age,

[54:08]Bond age online.

[54:10]I'm getting a lot of cool movies, actually.

[54:11]James Bond, guess what?

[54:13]Sometimes you think he's in real trouble,

[54:14]but it works out fine at the end.

[54:15]- Do we have any from Moonraker?

[54:17]I've seen Moonraker a bunch of times.

[54:18]- So first of all, recording a Bond song is a big deal.

[54:22]There's only been 24 Bond theme songs.

[54:25]Tom Jones has done one.

[54:26]Madonna, Sam Smith, Jack White, and Alicia Keys.

[54:29]Matt, Chris Cornish.

[54:30]- Chris Cornell actually did a Bond song once,

[54:32]but it kind of got trashed in an article I was reading

[54:35]about the worst parts of grunge or something like that.

[54:37]And I didn't want to bring that up.

[54:39]- Yeah, he doesn't seem like a good choice,

[54:41]but I think, well, we'll get into it.

[54:43]- Sam Smith fucking rocked the Grammys.

[54:45]That was a great, great show.

[54:46]- Yeah, it was.

[54:47]I got to say, it would be hard.

[54:49]Wouldn't it be in a band and be handed a Bond,

[54:51]like you're going to do a Bond song?

[54:52]I think that'd be so stressful

[54:54]because it's got to sound like Bond,

[54:56]which might not sound like you.

[54:58]I don't know.

[54:59]Let's hear what these sound like.

[55:00]- So we're going to start with one

[55:01]that's kind of off the list a little bit.

[55:03]We're just going to start with the original one,

[55:04]but I'm not giving you the original version.

[55:06]I'm giving you the video game version.

[55:10]This is from the video game "GoldenEye."

[55:12]- Oh, "GoldenEye."

[55:13]No, no one has ever played "GoldenEye"

[55:18]on a smaller television,

[55:19]a four-player "GoldenEye" on a smaller television

[55:21]than Russell and me.

[55:22]We played on a 13, was it a 13-inch screen?

[55:25]- It was like a 13 or a 9-inch TV

[55:26]with like a VCR in the bar. - Divided by four.

[55:29]- Hours at a time, hours at a time.

[55:31]- If I gave my kids a 13-inch TV to look at,

[55:34]they would throw it in the garbage immediately.

[55:37]They would not put up with a 13-inch TV.

[55:39]- And I was never any good,

[55:40]and I still just sat there for hours

[55:41]playing "GoldenEye" with you guys.

[55:43]- Slappers, slappers only.

[55:44]- All right, so-

[55:46]- I went to a homecoming dance

[55:48]where we actually slept over with our dates

[55:51]at somebody's house, like my senior year,

[55:53]and my buddy and I stayed up all night

[55:55]and played James Bond.

[55:56]- Bond was huge.

[55:57]I remember- - That's all we did.

[55:58]- Our senior year in high school.

[55:59]- That's what I was doing.

[56:00]- We'll see what you guys think of this.

[56:01]You know, like the senior year of high school,

[56:02]they did like senior week type stuff.

[56:04]It wasn't like college

[56:05]where people were out drinking and stuff,

[56:06]but at the school, they set up in the theater,

[56:09]Bond on the big movie screen or whatever.

[56:12]So all the kids were in there playing Bond

[56:14]up on the big screen.

[56:15]- Oh, that's great.

[56:17]- God, I put hours into that game.

[56:19]I was always terrible too.

[56:20]- Yeah, I never really good.

[56:21]- So that was composed by this guy, John Barry.

[56:24]It was the John Barry Orchestra,

[56:25]and he actually wrote 11 of the 14 Bond songs,

[56:29]seven of the first 14.

[56:30]So this guy was a very big influence,

[56:31]but one of the people he worked with a lot was,

[56:34]is it Shirley Bassey or is it Bassey?

[56:36]Is she the Bassey or Bassey, Aaron?

[56:37]Do you know?

[56:38]- I don't know.

[56:40]No, I'm not sure.

[56:41]- It's Count Bassey, but-

[56:42]- Well, we're gonna-

[56:44]- Yeah, but it's Big Mouth Billy Bassey,

[56:45]so now I'm confused.

[56:46]- We'll go with Shirley Bassey from 1964.

[56:49]The song we're gonna pick from her is "Goldfinger".

[56:51]♪ Goldfinger ♪

[56:53]♪ It's the kiss of death ♪

[56:56]- This is good stuff.

[56:57]♪ From Mr. Goldfinger ♪

[56:59]♪ Sing the ♪

[57:00]- Yes.

[57:00]Oh, the muted horns and the tambourine.

[57:04]It's so good.

[57:05]♪ Where on this heart of gold ♪

[57:07]- I don't know if you can top this, man.

[57:10]This is so good.

[57:11]- So did you know that Shirley Bassey

[57:13]is the only person to sing two Bond theme songs.

[57:17]She's also the only person

[57:18]to ever sing three Bond theme songs.

[57:20]She's done them three times.

[57:21]- What?

[57:22]She's the ultimate Bond singer.

[57:23]- She did "Diamonds Are Forever" and "Moonraker".

[57:26]So "Diamonds Are Forever" is the one that's covered by

[57:29]Bonnie, I think.

[57:30]Isn't that right?

[57:30]- Right, right.

[57:31]Yes.

[57:32]♪ Thieves in the night ♪

[57:34]- Rob, maybe you can go towards the end of that.

[57:35]I don't know if I gave you a time on this,

[57:37]but go towards the end of the song.

[57:38]You guys need to hear the end of this.

[57:39]♪ His heart is cold ♪

[57:42]- Oh, they're kissing it.

[57:43]♪ He loves only gold ♪

[57:46]- Isn't that bad-ass?

[57:47]- Oh, it's so good.

[57:48]♪ Only gold ♪

[57:52]♪ He loves gold ♪

[57:56]- Same composer, John Berry?

[57:57]- Same composer worked with her.

[57:58]- I believe on all three of them.

[58:00]I was reading a review on Billboard of "Portishead",

[58:04]and it was this guy from Billboard, Larry Flicky wrote,

[58:07]"Portishead is typically melancholy mood,"

[58:09]and that Beth Gibbons had a perfect,

[58:12]she had perfected Shirley Bassey's vocal inflections.

[58:15]So they were even saying we were hearing Beth Gibbons

[58:18]in the, from Shirley, what you were hearing

[58:21]in the "Goldfinger" song.

[58:22]- Nice.

[58:23]- Oh yeah, I can see that.

[58:24]That's great.

[58:25]- Next song on the list is from 1995.

[58:27]We've always said anything this woman said.

[58:28]"When a woman sings, it always makes it better."

[58:30]This is "GoldenEye" by Tina Turner.

[58:33]- Yes.

[58:34]♪ Now I've got you in my soul ♪

[58:38]- Oh!

[58:39]♪ Now I've got you in my soul ♪

[58:42]- Oh!

[58:43]- Look at that!

[58:44]- Isn't that bad-ass?

[58:45]- Oh, shit!

[58:46]- I've never heard this.

[58:49]- This was Pierce Brosnan's first movie,

[58:54]where his first movie is 007.

[58:55]Did you guys have a favorite, a bond in all the movies,

[58:58]or not?

[58:59]- I did, it's sick to say, but I did love Pierce Brosnan.

[59:04]I love where he's jumping off the dam

[59:05]and getting on the plane.

[59:06]Like I was like, this guy is my Bond.

[59:08]'Cause the problem with like the Sean Connery Bonds

[59:10]is that they were made at that time

[59:11]where they'd show him like walking down a hallway.

[59:14]So you have like five minutes of him walking down a hallway.

[59:15]You're like, what?

[59:16]We know you're going down the hallway.

[59:17]Let's cut all this shit where you're just walking.

[59:19]And there's that one where Christopher Walken

[59:22]was in a blimp, and he kidnapped somebody in a blimp.

[59:25]- Let's go to make sure I'm right.

[59:26]But I think, yeah, Roger Moore is my favorite,

[59:28]because my best friend growing up had "Moonraker" on VHS.

[59:32]So I saw "Moonraker" so many times

[59:34]that Roger Moore is my favorite Bond.

[59:36]- That's the one where they're like, fuck it.

[59:38]We're doing "Bond in Space."

[59:39]- Yes, "Bond in Space."

[59:40]- Why not?

[59:41]Next song is from 1999.

[59:43]The band is Garbage.

[59:44]The song is "The World Is Not Enough."

[59:47]- Ooh.

[59:48]♪ The world is not enough ♪

[59:53]- I mean, this also has similar vibes to "Portishead," right?

[59:57]I mean, with the strings

[59:58]and everything, but Shirley Manson also good.

[60:00]That's another vibe.

[60:02]- I was reading some articles

[60:04]about some of the best female musicians

[60:06]from the grunge era.

[60:07]Maybe Matt knows a little bit more about this,

[60:09]but some of the names that kept coming up

[60:10]were Courtney Love from "Whole,"

[60:12]Dolores O'Rourdean from "The Cranberries."

[60:16]Is that right, Matt?

[60:16]- Yeah.

[60:17]- Shirley Manson from "Garbage,"

[60:18]and then Beth Givens from "Portishead."

[60:20]So those seem to be a lot of people's favorite artists

[60:23]from that type of genre,

[60:24]but I think they would all hear a Bond song, right?

[60:27]- Has there ever been a male

[60:28]that's singing a Bond song?

[60:29]- There have been a bunch of them,

[60:30]but you know what?

[60:31]I thought we would highlight female artists today

[60:33]because I think they have got the best songs on this list.

[60:35]- Yeah.

[60:36]That would be a male Bond song.

[60:38]Male bonding song would be something like,

[60:41]"Hey, we're actually guys and we have feelings,

[60:44]and let's talk about it."

[60:46]Next up on the list is from 2012.

[60:48]This is Adele, "Skyfall."

[60:50]- Oh, man.

[60:50]♪ In the skyfall, in the skyfall ♪

[60:55]- This is my favorite.

[60:56]- You like it, Matt?

[60:57]- Yeah.

[60:58]- Yes.

[60:59]- I think it won the Oscar for best original song.

[61:02]It was the first Bond song to win the Oscar.

[61:05]♪ In the skyfall ♪

[61:07]- That's great.

[61:07]- Yeah.

[61:08]♪ Only come home ♪

[61:09]- Great song.

[61:11]- I thought the movie kind of didn't-

[61:12]- It was kind of setting up for everything else.

[61:13]It was more of like a filler movie.

[61:14]- Makes sense at the end, but-

[61:16]- You know, a bridge from the-

[61:17]- Yeah, that's true.

[61:18]- One before it to the one after it,

[61:19]just a little bit more-

[61:20]- But I don't know.

[61:21]Nobody ever watches a Bond movie and is like,

[61:21]"Wow, that's the greatest movie I've ever seen."

[61:23]- Yeah, you're right about that.

[61:24]- Like you just kind of,

[61:25]it's like a peanut M&M's.

[61:28]It's there and it's better than most things, but-

[61:31]- Next song on the list is from 2020.

[61:33]This is Billie Eilish, "No Time To Die."

[61:36]- This was not one of my favorites.

[61:43]- No?

[61:44]- She just doesn't have the power in her voice.

[61:47]And I like Billie Eilish.

[61:48]I like her music.

[61:49]- Right.

[61:50]But it didn't seem to mix with me.

[61:52]- It works.

[61:53]- Her singing Bond songs.

[61:55]- This makes me think I could write a Bond song.

[61:57]All these songs sound exactly the same.

[61:57]- Exactly the same to me.

[61:59]- But they're awesome, aren't they?

[62:00]- And she wrote that, right?

[62:02]I mean, Billie Eilish and her brother wrote that song.

[62:05]It's not like somebody wrote it for them.

[62:06]They just sang it.

[62:07]They had to write the Bond song.

[62:09]- She was the youngest artist to ever perform the Bond song.

[62:12]The previous one was Sheena Easton when she was 22.

[62:14]So Billie Eilish became the youngest.

[62:16]I think this was the year where she swept the Grammys.

[62:19]Interesting, the person playing guitar on that song

[62:22]was Johnny Marr.

[62:23]Do you guys remember who that was?

[62:25]- From Radiohead.

[62:26]- It's the Smiths, I think.

[62:27]Right?

[62:28]- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[62:30]- But I was also, I was reading this article.

[62:32]- I was wrong.

[62:32]- I was reading this article where members of Portishead,

[62:34]they were talking about their current music passions

[62:36]and what they liked four or five years ago.

[62:39]They were listing a number of artists

[62:41]and they kept talking about a great gothy woman

[62:43]the kids really like who makes stuff on Logic on her laptop.

[62:46]They were referring to Billie Eilish.

[62:48]- Oh, wow.

[62:50]- Yeah, she's sort of the next step.

[62:53]- If I got a Bond movie to sing,

[62:55]I bet they'd be like, "Oh, the title of this movie

[62:57]is like Agent Silver."

[63:00]And I'd have to rhyme something with silver

[63:02]and I'd be like, "Fuck."

[63:03]Like everyone else is getting like fall and like finger

[63:06]and I'd get silver.

[63:07]I'm like, "Goddammit."

[63:08]Nice.

[63:09]- Oh, great list.

[63:10]- Great list.

[63:11]- That was another.

[63:11]- Great list.

[63:12]- That was a top five list.

[63:14]- Those are all banger songs.

[63:15]- Top five.

[63:16]- Even the ones that don't crush are awesome.

[63:19]- That gold finger song is so good.

[63:19]- I'm actually gonna sign off the podcast

[63:20]and go watch a Bond movie.

[63:22]So I'm gonna see you guys next time.

[63:23]- Oh, I thought you were gonna want me

[63:24]to put a gold finger song into the sign off.

[63:26]And I was like, we can't do any more soundbites.

[63:27]It's too much stuff.

[63:28]- Don't put a gold finger in anywhere, Rob.

[63:30]- Oh, we'll find some stuff.

[63:31]Give us another 50 episodes.

[63:32]We'll find a few more.

[63:33]- Oh, my God.

[63:34]"Strangers."

[63:35]She's talking about how she took a cord

[63:42]from like an organ and compressed it

[63:43]and made it into the drum beat on this song.

[63:45]- This is clever stuff.

[63:48]And then when, I mean, these drums are hard.

[63:50]Like when these drums hit, these are hard.

[63:52]- I mean, they say that the drums suck up

[63:55]all the noise in the song and I totally get that.

[63:57]Like it's, yeah.

[63:58]- Hey, there's nothing like some good beeps

[64:01]for a song, too, right?

[64:04]Hey, hey, we're light on the beeps.

[64:05]I need more beeps.

[64:06]- Yeah.

[64:07]You know what would make this song even better?

[64:08]Some beeps.

[64:09]- Hey, I want to think that my washing machine

[64:11]is always getting done.

[64:13]My fucking washing machine, I swear to God,

[64:15]does it need to make so many beeps?

[64:16]Every time it's done, it's like beep, boop, boop, boop.

[64:19]And then two minutes later, it's like boop, boop, boop.

[64:21]I'm like, yeah, we get it.

[64:23]We can see when the wash is done.

[64:24]We don't need to hear all the beeps.

[64:26]Annoying. - Rob, you know, you can,

[64:27]you can probably shut that off, right?

[64:30]Just Google, shut off the sounds.

[64:33]- Yeah, not gonna.

[64:34]- Whatever washing machine you've got.

[64:37]- You probably pay the lady, your friend

[64:38]who helps clean your house to look that up online

[64:41]and have her fix it for you.

[64:41]- The cookie lady.

[64:42]We call her the cookie lady.

[64:43]- If I touch the washing machines and they break,

[64:45]my wife will break, she will cut off my ring finger.

[64:47]My wife is addicted to laundry.

[64:50]It's her favorite thing to do

[64:52]'cause she does it all the time.

[64:53]- Really?

[64:54]- Oh God, it's all the time.

[64:56]- Laundry?

[64:57]Laundry, I need laundry.

[64:58]She always wants to be doing laundry.

[64:59]She loves this stuff.

[65:00]Happy Valentine's Day.

[65:02]It could be sweet.

[65:03]- Oh, it could be, couldn't it?

[65:07]- Listen, I'm not gonna lie, guys.

[65:08]I tried listening to this at work.

[65:10]This is a tough one for me to listen to

[65:13]and then like go do anything with any energy.

[65:16]- I mean, we have to ask Aaron on this.

[65:17]Like, I think they've,

[65:18]they try to claim some of this as jazz influences.

[65:21]Is this just the symbol, Aaron?

[65:22]Are you, are you allowed to say this is jazz influenced

[65:25]or what do you think?

[65:27]- No, I have a hard time sometimes.

[65:28]- That drum is jazzy, isn't it?

[65:30]- I suppose.

[65:30]Yeah, there's some,

[65:31]there's some ride symbol going on there.

[65:33]I don't, I don't really feel it.

[65:35]I, my whole, I don't want to get to my,

[65:38]yeah, I don't really hear the jazz influence.

[65:41]I just, it just feels like anything that is

[65:43]a little bit out of the norm from pop music.

[65:45]They say it's jazz influenced.

[65:48]- That song was written.

[65:49]- Certain critics will say that.

[65:50]- That song was written by Beth Gibbons

[65:51]before Portis had formed.

[65:53]And I think you can hear the difference

[65:55]between the songs like this,

[65:56]where you hear the big time,

[65:56]big time DJ scratching.

[65:59]This was the group writing this kind of.

[66:03]- Yeah, they were going for a particular sound, right?

[66:05]They must've had an audience in mind.

[66:07]- But it is, I mean, we,

[66:09]this is an interesting flip, right?

[66:10]Like we have the samples, this is all samples.

[66:13]It's all,

[66:14]well, it's, it's actual drums, but it's like,

[66:17]I don't know.

[66:18]And then there's a female singing over,

[66:19]which we really haven't heard, right?

[66:21]Samples with a female voice.

[66:23]I don't think we've heard that at all.

[66:26]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:27]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:28]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:29]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:30]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:30]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:31]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:32]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:33]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:34]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:35]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:35]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:36]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:37]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:38]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:39]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:40]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:40]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:41]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:42]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:43]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:44]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:45]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:45]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:46]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:47]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:48]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:49]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:50]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:50]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:51]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:52]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:53]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:54]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:55]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:55]- I think it's a little bit different.

[66:56]- But you can also just play it

[66:58]and it's not gonna challenge your sensibilities.

[67:02]It's not gonna surprise you with what it says.

[67:04]So there's a lot, like it's pleasant and it's nice

[67:07]and it's like, it's warm.

[67:08]Like people like it.

[67:10]- I was with you, Aaron.

[67:11]I thought the Hammond and the Rhodes, the organ on this,

[67:13]I thought were kind of put into the songs perfectly, right?

[67:16]Like we've heard on the, what was it?

[67:18]The band before where they were just overdoing it,

[67:20]I think on the Big Pink or whatever.

[67:22]But I liked the organ on this album.

[67:24]- Yeah, the instrumentation's fun on this.

[67:26]And it does, I mean, I think Radiohead,

[67:29]it reminds me of Radiohead

[67:30]because I think they made similar choices

[67:32]with instrumentation that really work.

[67:34]Like they're tasteful and thoughtful.

[67:36]- Just to remind you, Russell,

[67:37]Big Pink was 31 episodes ago.

[67:39]- Oh my God.

[67:41]- That's like 90 hours ago.

[67:42]- That's like, if Blanche was living in current days,

[67:44]she would have been like 52 years old

[67:48]and J.Lo would have been 53, I think.

[67:50]- Hey Blanche, can you turn off the noise

[67:54]my washing machine is making?

[67:55]I think you have to go way

[67:56]to the back of the washing machine to get there.

[67:58]Just stick your head in there

[67:59]and see if you can fix it up.

[68:02]Thank you everybody, thank you.

[68:04]All right, next.

[68:04]- I'm not taking the bait.

[68:05]- Do you think, mm, do you, num,

[68:08]NME ranked this as the 43rd best song of 1994.

[68:14]- I don't know.

[68:18]I don't know, if we've never heard of it

[68:20]and that was in our time,

[68:21]this is where I kind of ran into problems with it, but.

[68:24]- But do you think this is one of those things

[68:26]that we don't know what trip hop is

[68:27]and we know Porter said that we're gonna hear it

[68:29]in more places, like out and about, or.

[68:32]- I don't know, what do you think, Matt?

[68:34]You kind of, you listen to some radio stations

[68:37]that might play something a little more unique

[68:39]like this, right?

[68:39]- Yeah, no, there's just too much other stuff.

[68:43]I don't know.

[68:44]It sort of feels like this is just jamming in

[68:46]like another genre into the top of the list

[68:49]or into the top half of the list somehow.

[68:52]And I don't know, I just,

[68:54]I mean, I think Radiohead did this, right?

[68:56]I think we've got our Shoegaze stuff

[68:57]that did, you know, a little bit of this.

[68:59]It just feels like we keep trying to jam in too much

[69:03]into the, this was influential for the rest of time

[69:06]kind of a thing.

[69:07]- I did know, I think we may not have heard of this band,

[69:10]but you know who did hear of them?

[69:12]Booze and Vinyl 2.

[69:14]There, this band is in Booze and Vinyl 2.

[69:16]- Are you serious?

[69:17]- I'm dead serious, look at this.

[69:20]- You're not lying.

[69:21]- There they are, there they are.

[69:23]- It's there, they actually recommended a drink called

[69:26]Sour Times in Booze and Vinyl,

[69:28]but that was my Bond song.

[69:29]So I couldn't do with my song and my drink in the same song.

[69:33]But so when do you think they recommend

[69:36]that you listen to this?

[69:37]- Friday night after midnight.

[69:41]- Yeah, I would say maybe when you're, I don't know,

[69:44]loaded up on mushrooms, like I have no idea.

[69:46]- I think you're right, Rob.

[69:47]They say, do you need a couch day, a crafter noon?

[69:50]This album and these drinks equal

[69:52]a voluptuous laid back relax-a-thon.

[69:54]They're saying relax and listen

[69:55]to this music.

[69:57]- Yeah, I know what that's going for.

[69:58]- But so for side A of the album,

[70:01]they were recommending a Sour Times.

[70:03]- Are you laying down?

[70:04]- And so my understanding is a Sour is two ounces

[70:09]of any base spirit.

[70:10]You can pick what you want.

[70:11]- Do as choice, if you will.

[70:14]- Three quarters ounce of lemon juice.

[70:16]Three quarters ounce simple syrup.

[70:19]- No.

[70:22]- A dash of Angostura bitters.

[70:25]- Yes, the bitters.

[70:27]- And a lemon slice for garnish.

[70:29]- Oh.

[70:29]- And sometimes egg white if you want, right?

[70:33]- I don't know.

[70:34]I was actually learning a little bit about cocktails.

[70:36]It turns out like there are really only,

[70:37]Rob, you might know this.

[70:38]There's only like six essential drinks.

[70:40]Like there's a Jackery, a Jack Rose,

[70:42]Manhattan Martini, Old Fashioned, and a Sidecar.

[70:45]And a Jackery, right?

[70:46]Those are, that's it.

[70:48]And everything else is based off those drinks.

[70:50]Is that right?

[70:51]- It's a Jack Rose.

[70:52]Is that a brandy drink?

[70:53]- I think it's Apple Jack or Apple Brandy or something.

[70:55]- Ah, there we go.

[70:57]Apple Jack is brandy.

[70:58]It's the oldest spirit in the US.

[71:00]- But so I decided to go with, I went with rum.

[71:03]- Johnny created it.

[71:04]- But instead of going with lemon, I was like,

[71:05]don't drinks taste better with a lime?

[71:07]So I switched out lemon with limes the whole time.

[71:11]- Okay.

[71:12]- And then here's the move to make my sour drink.

[71:15]You can see it here.

[71:16]- I added sugar and mint.

[71:17]- I'm drinking it out of a red wine glass,

[71:19]as you can see, Rob.

[71:20]- That's nice.

[71:21]- I know you appreciate that.

[71:22]But instead of regular bitters, I use cherry,

[71:25]flavored bitters.

[71:26]I thought I would throw a cherry into my lime sour

[71:30]and have a cherry lime sour.

[71:32]- Cherry flavored bitters.

[71:34]- And it's delicious.

[71:35]This might be one of the best drinks I've made on this.

[71:37]Good for poor design.

[71:38]- I put a lime peel in our Negronis tonight.

[71:39]It's a good choice.

[71:40]- Jesus.

[71:42]- My neighbor has these limes that are sweet limes.

[71:44]These things are so good and they don't use any of them.

[71:47]I can just walk over and grab them off the tree anytime.

[71:49]- No, you can't.

[71:51]So what are sweet limes?

[71:52]What are you talking about?

[71:53]- Yes, a sweet lime looks like a lemon,

[71:55]but it's a lime, but it's kind of sweet.

[71:56]It's so fragrant, it's perfect for cocktails.

[71:59]- This sounds like a dream you had.

[72:00]I mean, a lime that looks like a lemon, but sweet.

[72:04]- I did take a nap today from 7:00 PM to 7:20 PM

[72:08]listening to this album, so I may have had some dreams.

[72:10]But it's a good nap album too.

[72:12]- If I came in and my kid was on the couch napping,

[72:16]listening to this album, I'd be like,

[72:17]"We're having an intervention.

[72:19]I've written a letter about how much I love you."

[72:22]Roach.

[72:25]- Aaron, what do you think of the lead singer here?

[72:28]She's kind of,

[72:29]I don't know what you'd call her voice, delicate.

[72:30]What would you, it's kind of soft.

[72:32]What would you, what do you think of it?

[72:34]- Yeah, it's great.

[72:35]It is delicate and versatile.

[72:38]And she clearly is a,

[72:41]she's doing Joni Mitchell here.

[72:42]I just think she is clearly a music fan,

[72:46]listened to a lot of music.

[72:48]I mentioned Billie Holiday earlier.

[72:49]I think she definitely listened to jazz records

[72:52]and Joni Mitchell and it's,

[72:55]it's emotive, I like it.

[72:57]- Well, I can tell you that what she was inspired by

[72:59]in an interview is she said that this song was really,

[73:02]she, one song she loved was the soundtrack,

[73:05]the theme to Assault on Precinct 13,

[73:08]which of course was written by the director, John Carpenter.

[73:11]Here's that theme music.

[73:12]Listen to this.

[73:13]This movie is awesome 100% because of John Carpenter's music.

[73:21]This is so good.

[73:22]You can actually go see John Carpenter in concert now.

[73:24]He'll, I think he closes with this, actually.

[73:28]This is nice.

[73:28]- You can see him in concert.

[73:30]- Yeah.

[73:34]He does concerts.

[73:35]I think that'd be fun.

[73:36]Yeah, Halloween.

[73:37]- Very cool.

[73:38]- Pedestal.

[73:39]- The other place you can find this music now is if you just,

[73:45]if you search YouTube for like lo-fi hip hop

[73:48]or rainy day beats or beats to study too,

[73:52]like all of this, you know, there's a, there's a whole, like,

[73:54]Nujabes, other DJs have made recipes, Nujabes,

[73:58]but like people have made whole careers off of this.

[74:01]You can just like find hours long playlists of this kind of

[74:04]stuff, which is nice if you're studying or writing code or

[74:06]whatever.

[74:07]- As a teacher, about three years ago,

[74:08]everybody was doing the lo-fi beats to study too.

[74:11]They were all playing it.

[74:11]The woman sitting by the window with the cat,

[74:13]everybody was doing it.

[74:14]- That's it.

[74:15]That's the one.

[74:16]You get it.

[74:17]- Biscuit.

[74:17]So this, if you listen, this is Johnny Ray,

[74:24]he's 1950 song that they slowed down to 16 beats per minute.

[74:28]- This is where some of the songs I enjoyed.

[74:34]And I know I'm going to get looks for saying this,

[74:37]but this just sounded like random noise to me.

[74:39]I was like, I don't understand what we're doing here.

[74:42]- Well, what do you like better Russell,

[74:43]that or the song they sampled from?

[74:44]♪ I'll never fall in love again ♪

[74:49]- I like this song better.

[74:50]- Rob, this sounds like something that would be playing

[74:53]when you and Blanche were going out.

[74:54]When J-Lo was calling you, like she's calling.

[74:57]She's like, Rob, why are you not picking up my phone?

[74:58]Where are you?

[74:59]- I love this song.

[75:00]- And meanwhile, you and Blanche are like parading around,

[75:02]you're going ice skating and all that stuff.

[75:04]- You see, you see like lingerie getting put up on the,

[75:06]like the Japanese dividers, right?

[75:08]But then it's like way too many pieces of lingerie.

[75:11]It's like four bras.

[75:12]And it's like, wait, if I had their four bras,

[75:13]you know what I mean?

[75:14]- And then it would be, if the movie would be like,

[75:16]Rob's constantly going on dates with different ones.

[75:18]So like Blanche is throwing her old lady underwear,

[75:20]like up over the thing.

[75:22]And then J-Lo's throwing up whatever she wears over there.

[75:24]And Rob's going back and forth.

[75:26]It would be great.

[75:27]- And then my dog's coming over and eating it.

[75:29]- He only eats Blanche's and leaves J-Lo's alone.

[75:33]- One interesting thing.

[75:38]I don't know if we've talked too much

[75:39]about the band members of this.

[75:40]There's a guy, Adrian Utley,

[75:41]he's the guitarist for Portishead.

[75:44]And before he started playing with Portishead,

[75:46]or when they were starting to launch their band,

[75:48]he actually played with Jeff Beck as a session musician

[75:51]on the album Crazy Legs.

[75:53]Here's the song Crazy Legs.

[75:54]Check this out.

[75:55]It was a tribute album, I guess.

[75:58]- Whoa, this is Jeff Beck?

[75:59]- That's Jeff Beck.

[76:00]This guy was also playing acoustic guitar on this album,

[76:03]but I couldn't hear it.

[76:04]And he even said it was hard to hear him,

[76:06]but he was playing with Jeff Beck.

[76:07]And he said, Jeff Beck was very important for his career.

[76:10]He was giving him an opportunity, a massive hero for him.

[76:14]So I will say when it comes to playing or giving

[76:18]Adrian Utley, the guitar player from Portishead,

[76:21]a chance when he needed it.

[76:22]So we could listen to this album today.

[76:24]Who did it better?

[76:26]- Beck did it better.

[76:29]- Listen, if you're still listening to this episode,

[76:31]hats off to you.

[76:32]I got to say, this is unbelievable.

[76:33]You have heard us now play Glory Box, the last song.

[76:36]I like the guitar in this.

[76:38]- Yeah.

[76:40]- It's based on Ike's rap by Isaac Hayes.

[76:43]- Oh, yeah.

[76:44]This is a good song.

[76:47]- How many times did you guys get to this song on the album?

[76:51]- You know, for me, this is one of the best songs.

[76:53]This is one of the first albums where I only could get

[76:56]through like two songs at a time.

[76:57]Then I'd go do something else and I'd come back.

[76:59]I don't think I could listen to the whole thing straight.

[77:02]- It's a pretty short album though.

[77:04]I feel like you can like, if you're,

[77:06]I find it was a better car album than I expected.

[77:09]I enjoyed it in the car more than I thought I would.

[77:11]- I could see where if you were doing something

[77:13]you didn't have to pay attention to this album,

[77:14]it'd be really good.

[77:15]'Cause it all kind of flows together, but.

[77:17]- Right.

[77:17]- I don't know.

[77:18]Listen, let's get into the rating system.

[77:20]Why mess around?

[77:21]- Everyone's here.

[77:22]♪ And now it's time ♪

[77:23]♪ For everybody's favorite part of the show ♪

[77:26]♪ The pattern of a very popular ♪

[77:28]♪ Beck did it better ♪

[77:30]- Rating system.

[77:32]Now, a lot of you think Porter said,

[77:35]"Oh, is that something that happens in a outdoor toilet

[77:39]"with my girlfriend?"

[77:40]No.

[77:40]Okay, it's a band.

[77:41]And they had an album called "Dummy."

[77:43]- Not the band.

[77:44]- By the way, that blue water is a super person.

[77:46]- Yes.

[77:47]- Let's provide that.

[77:48]Not the band.

[77:49]That was 31 episodes ago.

[77:50]- Don't rush.

[77:51]- This is ranked at 130.

[77:53]- 131.

[77:54]Okay?

[77:55]- No doubt.

[77:56]- It is trip hop.

[77:58]All right, trip hop, trip hop.

[77:59]And you don't stop, except for Russell,

[78:01]who stopped about every two songs to go do something else.

[78:03]- 187 on a mother grabbing.

[78:06]- What do we think of this album?

[78:07]Does it belong at 131 ahead of so many other albums?

[78:12]If you think this is perfectly ranked,

[78:13]this is a rolling well-toned, okay?

[78:16]This is a perfect sounding album.

[78:18]Or do you think this should be higher on the list?

[78:20]Which of course would be a lower number.

[78:22]In that case,

[78:23]it got rolling boned.

[78:25]It should have been higher on the list.

[78:26]We should have been like,

[78:27]"Hey, Led Zeppelin, Prince, Portishead.

[78:29]Makes sense to me.

[78:30]Let's run with that."

[78:31]Or should this be lower on the list?

[78:33]Which of course is a higher number.

[78:34]Now, sometimes I like to think of that as a seesaw.

[78:37]I'm going down the list.

[78:38]The number's going up.

[78:40]Just like how the list works.

[78:41]It's a higher number.

[78:42]Therefore, lower on the list.

[78:44]It all works out if you think about-

[78:45]- Are those directions going the same on Valentine's Day,

[78:47]or do you have to flip it upside down?

[78:53]- Yeah.

[78:54]It's the top instead of the C or not.

[78:55]- It's a saucy.

[78:56]- Listen.

[78:57]- Saucy.

[78:58]- Sometimes you get saucy.

[78:59]- Do you think this is rolling well-toned,

[79:03]rolling boned, or rolling grown, Portishead, dummy, rosy?

[79:07]What do you think?

[79:10]- I forgot to mention in my rolling going

[79:11]that one of my favorite places for breakfast

[79:13]when I used to work in San Francisco was called Munchbox.

[79:16]They had a great croissant sandwich.

[79:17]- Munchbox?

[79:18]- My problem, yes.

[79:19]With two X's.

[79:20]- How do you pronounce croissant?

[79:21]- He's done it before.

[79:23]- That's jazzy.

[79:25]- He's absolutely done it before

[79:26]because I pulled it as a sound clip.

[79:27]I've got it somewhere where he's going, "Croissant."

[79:29]- Yeah, croissant sandwich.

[79:31]My problem with this album being where it is

[79:35]is the existence of Sade.

[79:37]They've taken the Sade blueprint,

[79:40]and I was Googling today, you know, Portishead, Sade,

[79:44]and apparently at the time, Robert Kriskow,

[79:46]who was the critic for Rolling Stone,

[79:49]called this album Sade for androids.

[79:51]I wouldn't say that, but I would just say,

[79:53]Sade did first this idea of, you know,

[79:57]some space, some minimalism, deep bass, some musicians,

[80:02]and then a great woman's voice on top of the whole thing,

[80:05]except Sade's voice is better, I think.

[80:08]So I don't know, I don't understand how,

[80:10]especially when I'm sure these people listened to Sade

[80:12]and took from that influence.

[80:14]So there's no way for me this should be ahead of Sade,

[80:16]among many other things, Dookie, for example.

[80:19]So I've got to say, this is a rolling groan.

[80:22]Even though I enjoyed it, I will say I enjoyed it,

[80:24]but it's still a rolling groan.

[80:25]- Russell, what do you think?

[80:26]A rolling well-toned, rolling bone, or rolling groan?

[80:28]- I will echo what Aaron said to some extent.

[80:30]I enjoyed this more than I thought it was.

[80:31]Like I said at the beginning, to me,

[80:34]if you're taking an album and saying

[80:36]it's one of the greatest ever,

[80:37]and it was right from our youth, and I'd never heard of it,

[80:39]I was like, this is, you're going too far for me.

[80:42]But I will say, I really liked some of the songs.

[80:44]Some of them, it was getting a little too atmospheric for me,

[80:48]but I thought Beth Gibbons, the lead singer, was fantastic.

[80:51]I thought she added a lot.

[80:52]She added a lot to the album.

[80:54]But you know what?

[80:54]An interesting thing for me is,

[80:55]it's not always about the album,

[80:57]it's about what you experience listening to it.

[80:58]And for me, this is always going to be

[81:00]when I got to really dive into the Bond songs.

[81:02]And the Bond songs were amazing.

[81:04]So to me, the experience was awesome.

[81:06]And if this band got me there, I'm going to appreciate it.

[81:08]And I would love to hear Portishead

[81:10]get to do a Bond song in the future.

[81:11]I would be all about that.

[81:13]But for me, it's rolling groan.

[81:15]It's too high on the list.

[81:16]I don't think I'll come back and listen to it very often.

[81:18]- Matt, what do you think?

[81:19]Rolling well-toned, rolling bone, or rolling groan?

[81:22]- Rolling groan, this is an album

[81:24]that can kind of just fade off into the distance.

[81:27]There's so many good albums coming up.

[81:30]They're way better than this album.

[81:32]I think it's kind of a filler album.

[81:36]I mean, again, it feels like we're trying to just jam in

[81:39]what somebody thought was an influential album

[81:43]for things to come, and I just didn't hear it.

[81:45]So again, my take, but I think it's rolling groaned.

[81:50]- I get it.

[81:51]- Too high on the list.

[81:52]I don't know what you guys are saying,

[81:52]but what, I mean, what are we going to do?

[81:53]Like put Led Zeppelin III here?

[81:55]You know what I mean?

[81:56]Like we've heard the Led Zeppelin.

[81:56]We've heard Pink Floyd.

[81:57]- We haven't heard Dookie.

[81:59]We haven't heard Whitney Houston.

[81:59]- Bob Dylan.

[82:00]- We haven't heard the replacements.

[82:02]I would take the replacements over this damn album.

[82:04]- Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, Dookie, Funkadelic,

[82:07]Earth, Wind and Fire.

[82:08]- Okay, you know what, guys, for yelling at me like that?

[82:11]I'm editing that out.

[82:12]That's not staying in.

[82:13]- Dell, Eminem.

[82:14]- Yelling at me.

[82:15]Yelling at Sweet Rob for actually saying something smart.

[82:18]Okay, on Valentine's Day.

[82:20]- The Pixies.

[82:21]Oasis.

[82:22]What's the story, Morning Glory?

[82:23]This is better than Oasis.

[82:25]What's the story, Morning Glory?

[82:26]- Oh, I don't think so.

[82:27]- Give it to me, baby.

[82:29]Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

[82:31]- I think Red Hot Chili Peppers might have better albums

[82:33]than this one.

[82:34]- Waka-danga-dinga-donga-ding-dang.

[82:37]Livin' down the California nation.

[82:39]- Hey, hey, Aaron, we don't need to bring up

[82:42]the Red Hot Chili Peppers after I did not purchase

[82:44]those tickets for the holidays.

[82:45]We can just leave that alone, if you please.

[82:47]- Just leave it alone.

[82:48]- Leave it alone.

[82:49]- Yep, you got it.

[82:50]Leave it alone.

[82:50]Thank you.

[82:51]- Listen, this, unfortunately, you guys are incorrect.

[82:53]Okay, and I just looked to see what I wrote down earlier,

[82:55]and I am disappointed in myself.

[82:57]Okay, I'm just gonna say that right now.

[82:58]I'm not happy with this joke.

[83:00]This is a rolling combination, okay?

[83:03]It combines sad music with slow hip-hop.

[83:06]I mean, this is like, listen, when we did Shoegaze,

[83:09]I didn't especially enjoy it,

[83:10]but now I hear the term shoegaze all the time,

[83:13]and I know exactly what they're talking about.

[83:14]From now on, when somebody says trip-hop,

[83:17]I'm gonna know exactly what they're talking about.

[83:18]This is what this podcast is about.

[83:20]- Yes.

[83:20]- We are learning.

[83:21]- Yeah.

[83:22]- Okay?

[83:23]It's just like doing liberal arts college.

[83:24]Yeah, you don't wanna fucking take two years of Spanish.

[83:27]It sucks balls.

[83:28]Nobody wants to do it.

[83:29]It sucks.

[83:30]It's the worst thing ever, but you know what?

[83:32]You learn how to say round-trip ticket in Spanish

[83:34]and use it once in Spain, and you feel like a god,

[83:36]to the point where you actually tell your kids that story.

[83:38]- Fumar.

[83:39]- They don't.

[83:40]- ¿Dónde está el baño?

[83:41]- Yeah, ida y vuelta.

[83:44]Listen, this album, it's just like that cow

[83:46]that Mario saw yesterday.

[83:48]It's a mood.

[83:50]- It's a what?

[83:51]- It's a mood.

[83:52]- Oh no.

[83:54]- Listen, no time.

[83:55]You guys don't dwell on that, okay?

[83:56]We're moving on, moving on, okay?

[83:57]- Don't dwell on it.

[83:58]- I did.

[83:59]I better edit in some space to have the audience laugh

[84:01]so they don't miss this part.

[84:03]Next up.

[84:04]- Did you say audience?

[84:05]- Yeah.

[84:07]Yeah, I have an audience coming over for Cozón.

[84:09]It's his Iowa accent.

[84:13]This rowdy friend is not coming over tonight

[84:14]'cause he died in 1953.

[84:16]- Oh.

[84:17]- Okay?

[84:18]Coincidentally, the last year of the Korean War.

[84:18]- 29 years old.

[84:19]- 29.

[84:20]- It turns out Hank Williams actually fought.

[84:24]Oh no, I forgot I did this joke too.

[84:26]Okay, I gotta sing this in this song.

[84:28]Kim Il-sung, your supreme leader, number one.

[84:33]How about putting me in North Korea's foreign ministry?

[84:37]This was a bit I had in my head

[84:42]where Hank Williams died fighting for North Korea in 1953.

[84:47]Trust me, yesterday, funny as hell.

[84:49]- Did you do that with Dennis Rodman or not?

[84:51]- Yeah.

[84:52]- Our downloads in Alabama just plummeted.

[84:55]All those downloads in Alabama just plummeted.

[84:57]- Damn it.

[84:57]- I've got the perfect podcast for you, Jack.

[85:01]- Beck did it better.

[85:02]- Hey Rob, while we were getting through

[85:04]that long ranking system, I actually got my trucker's license

[85:07]so I'm gonna be a long haul trucker.

[85:08]I'm gonna head to the truck stop

[85:11]and hopefully I can show some of these lot lizards

[85:13]my Portis head.

[85:15]- Oh.

[85:16]♪ It's time to say ♪

[85:19]♪ Goodbye ♪

[85:22]♪ Goodbye ♪

[85:24]- Hey, I got a sleeper in the back,

[85:26]but you're on the bottom.

[85:27]- It's Valentine's Day.

[85:30]- Perfect episode.

[85:33]That might be the perfect episode.