Kendrick Lamar: DAMN (2017)

[00:00]I went to jujitsu this week, and I was paired with a guy who I think was Lenny from Of Mice and Men because we were practicing chokes, and he choked me so tight I couldn't swallow that night. The next day, my neck was sore. I was like, what the fuck is this guy doing? And I kind of turned to him, and I was like, what are you doing? And he's like, yeah, I've had to put a couple of guys at the club into this chokehold. I was like, God damn it. I'm with the psycho. I'm like, we're just pretending to choke each other. You know what I mean? Like, let's not really choke each other. Better to have a psycho as your training partner than meet him at the club, though, right, Rob?

[00:31]There's just so many weirdos in jujitsu. I'm starting to realize, like, the guys that are there are weirdos. They're guys who like to wrestle with the guys and get choked out, so. It's also, you know, you also hear about, like, a lot of those army guys. They're not sports guys. Like, they hate sports, hate football, hate, you know, anything to do with it, but they love jujitsu. Like, that's their thing. And it's like, that's just a weird dichotomy. It's because they don't want to be part of a team. Like, they don't want to be part of a team. They want to compete, but they don't want to be accountable to anybody. To anybody else or themselves, really.

[01:00]You can tell the guys who've never done sports, because, like, we'll start on our knees, and we're both on our knees, and then when we go, the guy will just get up and run around to my back and choke me. And I'm like, well, why are we starting on our knees then? Why are we doing that if you just get up and run around? It's so stupid. God. In 2020, four friends decided to listen to every one of the greatest 500 albums decided by Rolling Stone magazine. This results in a text chain that celebrated the music, excoriated the order, and led us to making a podcast. We are far from experts. We promise to do almost no research. All opinions are our own, unless you disagree.

[01:30]You know, I was thinking about something else. A podcast? What else are you doing? Yeah, well, you know, maybe a couple. Okay? This is the podcast. Please sit back, and guess what? I don't play. All right? This is a podcast. I'm not playing. This is my life. Okay? Unfortunately, I've actually, like, if I get in a fight with my wife about the podcast, I take the side of the podcast. I'm like, you don't get it. You don't get it. These podcast guys, it's really important. I respect their time, and I'm there right away. He's like, you have been singing a song about the color of your genitals for the last five years. It's been 20 minutes. While we're trying to watch It's a Wonderful Life or whatever.

[02:02]You know what I mean? Every time a bell rings, it's brown and hot. It smells like bulge. You know what I mean? Which episode was that? Merry Christmas, everyone. I'll come out, and I'm like, okay, what rhymes with insoles? You know what I mean? I'm like, I don't know. Is this our Christmas special? This is the Christmas special. No, that was last week. That was last week with the leather masks. It's literally. We released that episode on Christmas. Oh, God.

[02:30]Please sit back and enjoy. This is our New Year's episode. Okay. Happy New Year to everyone. Hey, Happy New Year. You know it's one of my favorite holidays. Please sit back and enjoy. Beck did it better. We are all the way up to album 175. And from 2017, we have Damn by Kendrick Lamar. Or as I wrote in my note, Jendrick Lamar, which I, hey, great nickname. Guys, listen. You know, the thing. Now, listen. I'm just going to say this. I'm just going to say this. I had limited time today to prepare for these podcasts because I was doing other stuff.

[03:02]Okay. And then when I thought about writing a song to Kendrick, I'm not going to lie. Writing a parody song to Kendrick is always the hardest thing I do all the time. And this time I was like, you know what? I just don't want to write an intro. I don't want to write a parody song. And I was like, you know what? I'm not going to. And it brought me a great amount of joy. What? The way you do anything is the way you do everything. Whoa. Whoa. This man is a motivational speaker. You explained why I'm so sweaty. You did. You took a lazy approach to tonight's episode.

[03:30]Yeah. You take a lazy approach to all episodes. I don't know. Because I feel like I actually put quite a bit of time into it. I feel like you're just staring right into my soul, Russell. I feel like I'm really asking a lot of questions about the way I do things. Aaron, you do jack shit for these episodes. We know that. That's not a question. That's a good point. Yeah. You've prepared like one thing in 175 episodes. That's true. I made a song once. You know what? I told Russell, just tell Russell to do stuff. That's what I do. It works out great. Now, listen. So, you know what? I found my old Kendrick song.

[04:01]Hey, Rob. It's really good. So, I'm going to play that. If you tell me in Vegas to run around, you would choke you in the hotel room, I got you. Oh. Okay. But, hey, if something happens to me, put a bagel in my mouth and put me by the toilet. Okay? Hey, Rob, you want to do some more sports? So, listen. I found my old Kendrick song. It's really good. So, I'm going to play it. That's the way it is. It brings me joy. It brings me joy. Is it about feet? What's up, everybody?

[04:31]No. Welcome to K-Rob. K-R-O-B. You know, we're always talking about how the world is getting smaller and smaller and smaller. But, yeah, some people want things to get bigger and bigger and bigger. Folks, Rob's got a dream about that. Oh, yeah. I wish a big dick would be my superpower. Power looks like a snake is loose in my trousers.

[05:01]If I'm walking through a field, I would accidentally plow work. I just want to look good when I'm in the shower. Man, I'd make it bigger, longer, and thicker. Just like Lenny Kravitz would be a pant ripper. I'd want to make it the same size as Liam Neeson. He'll use it to honk the horn when I'm driving my Neeson. When I am squatting, huge dick could be a spotter. I want people to say, is that Ted D. Bridgewater? No. I want people to hug like Sinatra. If I did it my way, I'm wearing baggy shorts.

[05:31]You could see it hang. Wish my big dick would be my superpower. Look like a giant squash is growing in my trousers. It's all about big dongs, just like Joe Maurer. Now it's small and white. Looks like a German powder. Listen, there it is. See? It's relevant. That's pretty good, Rob. Big dong like Joe Maurer. What's that? 7% of the votes in. He's got 86%. 86%. By the time we hear this, it'll be out. He's in. He's going to get in. He's going to be a German champ. Yeah. Bribes.

[06:00]But a never-guessed first-timer. It's the catcher thing, right? Yeah. Three-time batting champ. Only 21 people have ever done it. His wins-above-replacement dad, below-replacement level. Negative wins-above-replacement dad. For the first five, six years of his kids' lives, he wasn't even around half the time. He was traveling. He was out on the road. I think that $180 million contract makes up for it. I hope my kids don't make a haul. of fame and they're like yeah my dad was doing a podcast for a lot of time of it like that's not

[06:33]i'll be like oh come on i didn't prepare that much i started reusing songs around episode 175 uh listen all right uh i will say russell you know where joe mauer is not getting in the hall of fame public the public speaking hall of fame okay and i almost said public the right way there so look out public speaking hall of fame i'm coming for you give me that gold jacket nor the public giving me a hall of fame but that's next week all right uh listen this is beck did

[07:02]it better we are talking about kendrick lamar damn okay and i'll tell you i got four guys here who i mean guys inflation they were talking about the economy earlier inflation is so bad my wife is asking me to 96 or oh i mean god this is everything's going on under control tell me about it you it's just a question of like when's the fed gonna step in to help with that she wasn't down when you offered the prime plus two points option huh

[07:31]where's jerome powell when you need him come on man you're a commercial real estate guy you should appreciate that joke i like it i'm doing some research guys i'm doing some research we lost that already and guys i'm gonna think of a financial joke to go along with you guys i'm gonna hop right in quick as a quick as a button penny yield something penny slightly to the left damn it yield curve fuck i was just about to say that matt you said that uh oh i think it's a bull

[08:01]market because i found a guy in craigslist to fuck my wife all right so i've got russell in minneapolis russell how are you doing guys i got power poison pain and espresso martinis inside my dna yes wow martinis i like i was just plural now we don't even blink at that i've got man minneapolis we got man minneapolis how are you doing man uh good you motherfuckers can't tell me nothing oh wow oh wait a minute i'm gonna say something i'm gonna say something i'm gonna say no wait hold on hold on i'd rather die than listen to you oh wait hold on hold on problem is all that

[08:31]sucker shit's inside your dna dna daddy probably my my dna not for imitation your dna an abomination thanks for having me just leaving us in flames i wonder if matt would be the greatest rapper ever if this like his hatred for this podcast just inspired his flow all of his diss tracks are this podcast and i've got aaron out in california now aaron aaron is mad you know the government these days guys the government is so woke that you can't even film amateur gay porn in the senate building

[09:04]anymore i mean you get fired for that nowadays yeah can you what the hell i guess instead of no we had something excuse me i have a written bit just give me a second i guess i guess they okay what were you gonna say aaron okay what were you gonna say you have the floor i'm just pumping you up i was just yeah well the gentleman from new york continue with his joke i'll second that motion uh i guess they would rather be passing bills instead of drilling

[09:32]bill's ass oh geez what that's too much i mean i've heard of a fill of buster but fill me a buster oh my god i've got aaron out in california aaron how are you doing man well i was gonna say i'm sick and tired of the photoshop i want to see something real like ass with stretch marks but i maybe i mean i don't know if that's okay to say now perfect did you guys see the video of those guys doing it in the senate office no i gotta say it was one of them read about it and i didn't need it was one well you gotta search it have you seen it rob yeah of course people having sex in the

[10:03]senate i don't care who's doing it it could be it could be two aliens i couldn't care less i'm watching it i gotta say tasteful if you're gonna watch some amateur gay porn it was tasteful and the one guy i gotta give it to him was he was wearing a jock strap okay i think jock straps are coming back guys so we'll be wearing jock straps so tasteful in a way like they knew like they they knew they were being filmed and they set this up as like an artistic endeavor or the one guy knew he was being filmed because he was holding

[10:30]the phone i think okay uh the other guy i think was all i don't know if he knew he's being filmed because he seemed to be looking off into the distance um so anyway aaron where were we all right listen okay let's go tomorrow yeah let's not mess around anymore let's get directly into the voicemail and i'm on the wrong page by the way you guys should look it up it's a great video it's so funny on the back line 802-277-BECK that's 802-277-2325

[11:12]hey guys i was at a wedding recently where the request from one side of the family at every wedding was to play all i want for christmas is you by mariah carey interesting no matter the season no matter the time of the wedding they always request that song the wedding we were at was a polish wedding not really close

[11:31]to christmas so my question to you guys is rolling boned rolling well toned or rolling that is a good question all i want for christmas by you at a non-holiday wedding i i can i go first or man you go it's not russ it's not not russ okay i like that good hey i will say though i don't know if i know this color but i bet i can sprint faster than this color i bet i can sprint faster he had that he had that accent like he was just a little bit east of here

[12:02]maybe slightly north i don't know wind blowing through like not far from the zoo kind of i think high school teams should have to sprint all the time never stop okay no limit to the amount of sprinting that would do them good uh i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know russell what do you think you're at a wedding okay maybe and you know maybe we're all at a wedding maybe like in this june or something like coming up it's a summer wedding i'm free in june you hear i mean i can be free i can make you have a date that we should be blocking off yeah

[12:30]no okay but uh you know i'm wondering how maybe if how to wrap a tiny package i was going to ask you guys after the podcast i got a tiny package i don't know if anybody has experience wrapping it but i'll wait we hear this song in june okay at a wedding what are we thinking about that i know the way i would react i know myself well enough i would be sitting at the table having drinks with friends and i immediately i would go what the fuck is this i was gonna say there better be a what the fuck is this bullshit what the fuck is this bullshit this is you know get the fuck out of here you

[13:04]can't play the christmas song in the middle of june and then about two minutes later about half an espresso martini later i'd be like you know what though i fucking love this song that song and i want to hear it again and you know what then what i would do i would find the bride or groom and i would go up and be like man i love when you play that that song rocks so i would immediately go from what the fuck is this to i like this to praising it i i would i would run the 180 on it and the bride and groom would say russell how did you get in our hotel room why are

[13:34]you here how long have you been waiting here why are you running around behind us trying to chill why do you have your key open and can we let go of the jock strap and can we let go of this triangle choke right now why do you have a printout of mariah carey in a red snowmobile suit no we're not gonna practice the rear naked choke with you anymore we're married now so i gotta say what do you guys think if i heard this i think i would be like

[14:03]you don't have to take over the wedding like you we can go somebody can have a wedding and not have it be part of your bit but i do love it man i'm gonna go as if anybody's listening to this podcast they know that i mean this group and kind of our friend group all sorts of inside jokes and old running jokes and old running things and bringing up things forever so if this is a family tradition or even a friend tradition or something like that i'm all for it if it's just some random like first time we're gonna this would

[14:33]be really funny you know like yeah no way i'm with russell get the fuck out of here but if it's an inside joke or a buddy thing you know if it's an inside joke or a buddy thing you know if it's kind of a all for it i'm all for the traditions aaron what do you think i mean you guys know me if i come on if i hear this i'm turning up like come on i like i don't care why they're playing it if i hear those those that intro of the glockenspiel whatever it is i'm hitting the dance floor no question i'd be like can we get some cotton eye joe more std songs yeah hey uh this guy out here

[15:07]wants more std songs okay what do we have give me cat scratch fever i've got a song that the crab and little mermaid sang what do you think rob you're you're a wedding dancer are you out dancing to that one or what do you think that comes on this bullshit can't dance to it you know what i mean nobody's dancing that song i just i feel like you can kind of do like a little like one of these kind of maybe

[15:30]but guys it's december to it kind of like i just think hearing that song in june it would just i think it would clear the dance floor okay you'd have to you'd have to put on a shout afterwards to bring the old people back out i don't know i'd be out there it's chicken dance oh that's matt special i just don't think it's any good i don't know now listen guys we are going to transition right now into a new part of the show never before done ever oh we have a bit of a uh a promotion swap going on right now what does that

[16:02]mean what we have a promotion swap we had a podcast reach out to us and say hey listen okay you i can't do this because it's a dance floor i can't do this because it's a dance floor i can't do this because it's a dance floor i can't do this because it's a dance floor i can't do this because it's a dance floor i can't do this because it's a dance floor you uh you help us out and we'll help you out you know what i mean just a little thing for the tickler file uh you know we're both helping each other out at the same time all right did they reach out before or after they heard the this was this was way before uh that helping each other out at the same time feels like that's like a 96 kind of situation well i mean in this economy mutual

[16:34]helping mutual no okay so anyway listen back to back head to toe kind of thing i would recommend and so i so we got a promotion from this podcast fire breathing kittens and i did listen to an episode today okay i did my due diligence just to make sure we weren't getting ourselves in some sort of trouble territory so we got a message from them saying fire breathing kittens is an actual play one-shot podcast that plays various tabletop role-playing games with season-long plot

[17:00]there's a beginning and end every week story you can start at any episode because some of these old some of these podcasts if it's like a long storytelling arc and you you have to listen to like hundreds of hours to get into it i did listen to this one they start out by describing the characters they get right into the plot very creative very fun uh every week is a different combination of the four from the same rotating cast group of people join further be fire breathing kittens as they solve detective mysteries attempt to comedic banter and enjoy friendship and i gotta say i had a good time listening to this podcast now i it was wild to me because i did not realize they were playing

[17:33]fictional characters until one of them was a uh it was like an animal a jackrabbit of some sort and i was like they were all they're all animals there's dragons with women and there's dragons and they had feathers but this but this week they had some gold feathers which were new you know and like yeah now the fox was trying to eat some rabbit now man i texted out about this too yeah tell us about that man you don't even listen to our old episodes no but rod texts out that he was listening i'm like well i should you know i should probably listen to this if we're

[18:00]gonna do this swat thing right and i gotta tell you it is complete and i say this with all due respect because and i'll get to why i say with all due respect it is complete nerd central nice it is like the funniest but like most creative thing there is and they're going through this role playing and like somebody's got to carry a ship and they're talking about their characters where they're going it's like it'd be like if you started a story and then i just passed it over to aaron and then aaron goes and does the story can you imagine you know it was and so i i listened to it i was going to pick up my kids they're at a buddy's house today because

[18:33]winter break kind of stuff my son leo i'm like leo here listen to this this sounds like something you'd like and he was in the middle of it and i was like oh my god i'm gonna do this and i'm gonna just enamored with it just enamored i think did he call into the beck line uh i think next week maybe he did does it sound scripted matt or is it is it improv uh completely improv it's completely improv so it's got to be i mean they got to have like a little it feels like maybe they have a little bit but it can also it feels like it's very improv but i mean there's it's just a complete

[19:00]story and it fits like a dungeons and dragons type theme just as a very high level where somebody's leading down some challenge and then you got to figure it out so i don't know it was it was very it was very impressive and i think it's a very good story and i think it's a very very interesting if you're somewhat into like role playing and fantasy uh like storytelling type stuff at all it's it's wonderful it's a great podcast do you ever do a role play on how to put someone in a peruvian necktie not get that okay yeah matt and manson both endorsed the fire

[19:31]breathing kittens and that this is unpaid promotion unpaid yep this is mutual wait a so what would what would you give it out of 10 matt one to 10 stars what are your one to five stars what are you giving it one to five i would give it four i would say it's a little it's i mean it's kind of like this where it feels like it's four friends that are probably a lot of inside stuff so somebody's just listening they're gonna be like what the hell you know and half the stuff for a lot of how many episodes they have rob i listen to like number 539 or something like that

[20:04]they're releasing it every week and the thing is is that they like listen you gotta support people who are like you know what we enjoy watching you know what we enjoy watching you know what we enjoy doing this we should make a podcast and they do a good job of it which i you know unlike some people who maybe have started something now are stuck doing the podcast and they can't figure out a way to get out of it this means they hate their families four times as much as we do wow right well that's a i don't think that's possible i was gonna say oh no because i hate my family

[20:30]zero aaron zero times four is still zero none of these women talk about any like a bad first date where a sweaty guy showed up and ordered a bunch of espresso martinis did they yeah and then he came back in and said did i bring my computer in here can you imagine like the opposite view of the like the women who've gone on dates with me like their podcast like their experience with me oh my god the one who's got a three-year-old now and he's like uh oh so close he's like you know i go out with i go out to russell i say once and all of a sudden he goes

[21:04]doesn't call me back that's so strange i think he dyes his eyebrows i think he may have died from what i from what it sounds like to me the creative spirit gets a rolling bone it should be iron the list that's such a creative thing i appreciate people leaning into that's very cool now listen okay also part of their email is they told us how many downloads they get per week how many it's a lot more than us okay so here's what i want is i want our listeners to just go

[21:31]download the show give it a listen and i want to show them that partnering with beck did better okay even though our numbers are very very small we are strong okay ape together strong we're gonna go download that podcast okay we're gonna make them look like we're important and maybe they will interact more with us and we can get fire breathing kittens fire breathing kittens all i want to do is get famous so i can leave these three dumb shits behind and have a real podcast okay all this wants to do is zoom zoom zoom zoom in a boom boom uh all right uh let's get into rolling going how's it going rolling going it's it's it's it's time to see what

[22:06]everybody's up to aaron it's time to see what everybody's up to rolling going i have a rolling going you know what's sad is i can hear how young i sound in that clip don't sound like i was choked by some neanderthal rob rob we're at we're at uh we're at plus seven right now ewolves are up seven with five minutes to go just doesn't matter to me okay i certainly don't care i certainly have more and more money on that each night until now i'm a little nervous

[22:32]about the amounts actually uh aaron rolling going yeah it's going great with me um i'm doing what a lot of dads are doing on december 21st which is uh on the couch he's putting a tree outside and dancing around yeah dancing around with the rest of your pagan friends exactly right um no i'm uh you know coming up with some last minute gift ideas for my son and so i do feel like i need to go to the advice corner oh oh is there a vice corner for me get get get get to the

[23:05]corner it's time aaron aaron um some advice expert advice don't ask her to try the von fluke joke don't ask her about the von fluke joke it's not it won't go well i will not so i know matt has experience with uh uh saying yes to video games i know that has uh come with varying uh degrees of success or not so i i'm i'm not sure i'm gonna go through with it but i did think well you know my son wants to play video games at home so badly so i'm trying to set

[23:34]up our ipad to be his ipad which first of all the parental controls in the ipad are breaking me i've myself out of my ipad because let me just tell you hey let me let me tell you from experience lock down the uh spending side of things thank you there's a couple buttons so that they can't spend anything honey what's what's xxx tube oh my god the kid on the ipad he's got exactly why i came here for this advice so it's going to be an ipad it's going to be pretty heavily

[24:05]locked down i want to get him one racing game so i've got it narrowed down and i haven't played either of these games yet narrowed down to think about rad racer well geez now man okay excite bike 720 skate or die skate or die skate or die i got it narrowed down to a hot wheels game where you can build your own race tracks and race or a mario kart type game but this is for the ipad so these are not it's not like the

[24:32]real real mario karts it's not to me it's not the mario you know what i mean like i can't get sued no it's real mario it's just not mario it's like it's called mario cartoon or something right here's the answer here's the answer you get him one game and then in two weeks when he gets bored you buy the second game you're gonna end up buying both games that's the way it is all right and i can tell you you know where you're gonna go from this now you are going to you're going to get a tv and

[25:01]nintendo or nintendo switch that is the next step with a screen on it or like how long can i legitimately hold out and have him be the only kid of his friend group not because i'm not going to having video games at home what grade is he in right now he's only in first grade he's there are other other kids i would say third grade by third grade he's the weird kid okay oh okay you know you know what i would i'm gonna jump in here i'm not a parent i'm an uncle i've got nephews that play some games and stuff i'm gonna ask you guys this i think isn't isn't just delaying it just gonna make your kid bad at it it's it's like if your kid's gonna play hockey you might as well

[25:34]let him play hockey from the beginning right because if you wait till they're in third fourth grade and they just go and get their ass kicked in it like what they're not gonna even enjoy it then right why not if you're good if you're gonna let your kid do someone i just let him do it right away what do you guys think of that um it's a slippery slope at least in my house like big time right like the only thing i want for christmas like the only thing i want my kids is just when it's time to be done playing just be

[26:00]done playing and that is like the hardest thing in the world yeah you can't do it and so just i don't know but otherwise you know a nice hour or two off from yeah it's just up playing video games it's great i think it's great i think video games are great listen a lot of kids a lot of people use them as release okay i think the only time you're gonna have to worry aaron is if you find your kid playing video games and then listening to other podcasts on noise canceling headphones at the same time okay that would show that maybe he's pretty much pushed to the edge okay he somehow wants no stimulation from people yet all stimulation in every sense that's possible

[26:33]and i'll say this like with my oldest right little little different academically than some other kids he loves video games somebody finally explained it or i heard some podcast or something the video games it's the only thing like you you're gonna go do math problems right like okay here you go johnny like fill out these sheet of times tables or whatever right they fill it out and then they gotta wait for the rest of their classmates right and it's easy and it's simple video games are the

[27:01]only thing that allow you to have instant feedback and an instant reward for completing something especially like boards and stuff right so like if you fail you go back start over and you go and then you accomplish something and move on to the next thing right so it's whatever it is it's meeting their abilities and it's you know at that time and they're not waiting for their classmates they're not waiting for other something they're not waiting till next week till another episode something like that and so that's it 100 fits my oldest one you know like he just he likes that feedback and that's how you know he that's what stimulates him i guess

[27:34]i don't know when rob put me in that paper cutter choke he got immediate feedback whether it's me or not i thought you're going to talk about the game paper boy and i was like if you advise the game paper boy for his son i can never get past thursday oh it would be if you bought him like that and like battle toads just just buy him impossible games like oh it's so hard yeah and he'll just be like give you who plays video games this sucks nintendo switch has the the online nintendo thing we can get like 78 games right and they got paper boy and they got punch

[28:04]out they've got everything you know they've got the last time i played ninja turtles at the because there's a restaurant um down the street and they've got everything you know they've got everything in brooklyn basin in oakland that has free ninja turtles street fighter uh a few others and i got legitimately mad i was like no i'm not like like i'm fighting bebop and rocksteady and they can move faster than me no matter what i try right and like yep these i'm getting upset at the game myself so yeah i get it hey shredder it's almost like we planned so they would have to keep putting

[28:33]in quarters i enjoy the tension when matt is giving me real sincere advice and and it just it's like it's sometimes too much it's like uh it's like the song sometimes when we touch the honesty is too much so you can just you can just see some other people in the podcast just like yeah can't take it so i appreciate your your so do you do like a there's an hour limit and there's a hard cut off or how does that work i mean we we try you know and it's a that's it's it's a battle but you know again like leo's

[29:04]buddies right so they're playing online with things and having a great time and you know great yeah but there's always always a time to stop and i just my only fear and rob you can maybe help me out this you got some older kids is that you know they're gonna go to college and they're just not gonna go to class ever because they're just gonna play video games for the rest of life kind of thing you know what i mean it is it'd be the dream but like you have to eventually be able to stop they could end up just like me yeah they could live in a basement with an upstairs roommate but you might want to

[29:36]put a hard limit on those video games just a warning i saw matt kid matt's kid heard you say that russell and he took his nintendo switch and threw it in the garbage yeah pulled out a copy of foucault yeah reading throughout the espresso machine and everything is like not happening old man no i had a full-on wrestling match with the with the chromebook the other day because it was like one game on his school app that he wanted to play i was like yeah 30 minutes and then of course

[30:02]it was just like the moment where i was like i'm actually trying to wrestle the chromebook out of my kid's hands what has happened to me as a parent then i have found the older a kid get at least my kid the older he gets the better he is at getting rid of it and it's you know or being done or moving on okay and it's just like life in general right kids just grow up and they start getting it but aaron the problem is you guys are idiots okay oh i have been playing video games in front of my kids since the beginning my kids think video

[30:35]games are so stupid they want nothing to do with them they think anyone who uses them is the biggest loser of all time okay a little reverse psychology i don't know that's that's pretty you think i like playing these video games hour after hour and ignoring you i do it for you man i got i got another question though this is how old i am like i've never played video games on an ipad or anything like does that count as a video game or don't you need like a system with a control or if aaron lets his kid play on the ipad does that count or not i mean there's like roblox and

[31:04]all these other games now and all sorts of ipad games yeah yeah this all started with a roblox game that i don't know how to play it i don't know how to play it i don't know how to play it that you can play on my phone he would and he was getting like five minutes at a time to play roblox on my phone and i was like i don't want to give up like i'm missing out on valuable texting time with you guys when he's playing roblox on the phone yeah how come how come this guy how come this guy when i'm playing games on your phone i keep seeing texts that say jalen hurts eat shit you know throw another touchdown like what does some eagles plus 450 mean dad so matt do you ever

[31:35]like go jump on the the nintendo whatever it's called emulator whatever it is and challenge your like a game of contra or anything and show them what's up or do you ever play or no like uh punch out what else did we play a lot of 007 737 5963 can i tell you what i played a lot of on the switch what's that they have a competitive tetris game that i played all summer one summer and i was watching people play it on twitch like i that's what i would watch when i was going to sleep as

[32:01]people playing tetris i got really really good at tetris i just messed up man difference minute 16 left doesn't matter to me okay like keep me updated uh and i'll tell you now i play tetris sometimes with the kids at school and i'm like good enough where they're kind of like not impressed they're like worried they're like wait what how are you so good at this like they think i'm like a spy i'm like i'm like well it's just tetris it's not like that english teacher that's like duncan in the in the student teacher game but you're doing it exactly well i

[32:35]walked by i saw a bunch of blocks on the board and to me it was a simple equation i solved it no problem well i'm like i'm gonna play tetris and i'm like i'm gonna play tetris and i'm gonna play well thank you guys for your thoughts i'm gonna get out of the corner now no no no oh no i'm still russell wants to keep me in the corner i didn't like about this about tetris as a kid i only played on the game boy i never played a super nintendo tetris before and then i got to college and i'd never played the head-to-head game i'd only played on the game boy and so then we would start playing the head-to-head game and i realized like oh fucking zach the doctor from you know colorado

[33:04]who's good at everything is way better at this than me and it became like a super fun game he's got a better job than you runs faster when you just are playing a single-player tetris game you can think you're really good but when you when it becomes a competitive thing and then it's just like well now i suck and i don't really enjoy it anymore the other thing my son told me about college is that he can't or about video games is he can't wait to go to college because then he can play snood so that's fucking loser hey update your kid's a loser sorry get him a win amp player

[33:36]put on sublime and let him roll air and he's dude is for losers and that is something i will stick by forever i said it in college i'll say it now if you you are a loser hey if you want to send him out to summer camp in minnesota him and i could play free cell for the summer trying to beat the unbeatable yes yes did you imagine what you do with russell all summer well we played a freestyle game that we knew we could not beat but we played

[34:01]it one million times oh over and over all right i'm truly getting out of the corner and i speaking of my son i have to go say good night to him so i want to know how it's rolling going with russell and i'll be right back rolling going things are going pretty well with me i actually aaron was talking about uh uh christmas gifts i figured i could ask you guys a little maybe maybe i need to go into the corner rob i need some christmas gift advice as well wow get to the corner it's time oh is there a wet spot in the corner ice corner oh yeah is the corner kind of moist it feels moist over in the corner moist very moist speaking of moist so i might just before i go

[34:35]before i get going to the corner um i did make some espresso martinis tonight this was the first night where have you guys ever gotten one where they sprinkle the coffee grounds over like half the drink one sec yes russell one second hold on yes we're at nine points with 30 seconds 36 seconds left rob fuck yes okay sorry go ahead kids can go to college so this is the first time where i've seen espresso martinis where they kind of sprinkle the grounds over the top of the foam over like half the drink it almost looks like an oreo it's rested right across the top right no wait a minute it's

[35:04]not the beans they're actually taking old grounds they're digging like grounded beans it's no yeah i know what the grind is made of russell i know it starts as beans but it's not like whole beans on there no it's used this it's like they there is a they always put the three beans that's like a rule of espresso all right three beans some places occasionally they'll sprinkle like on half of the glass like it's a hard line where half of the glass is kind of the powder from from the ground so it kind of looks like it's like this you know it's on the rim of colors

[35:34]no it's right on the foam on the top but i tried that today and i definitely overdid the ground the ones on the top and so that all it's like clumped up and it started to curdle it's not good so lesson lesson learned you might not sleep for like two nights now that's gonna be something shit happens so the the two the two christmas um i'm gonna talk about gifts both giving and receiving gifts so um why don't we start with uh uh receiving gifts so okay the other day uh the uh

[36:05]the um oh uh oh the what would you call that the the festive the festive person in the house we were sitting in our chairs listening to records and everything and i was kind of looking for um just kind of other gifts for other people looking for some i started looking at record stuff and amazon looking and i came across there's a new book out there it's called um booze and christmas essentially

[36:34]you know we've got booze and vinyl for the two there's another book out there rob if i need to stop seven points they had a they had a two-pointer with at the buzzer seven points was wine seven and a half bush it was supposed to be six and a half somebody got it at eight oh i didn't know lebron was sitting who cares okay man the fucked up no let me tell

[37:01]you that money's never coming back to a real bank account let's just all right that's true everybody spell tendonitis right now e-e-n-d-e-n-t-i-d-i-t-i-s there's no e in there no robs on d-o-n-i-i-n-t-i-s no matt t-e-n-d-o-n i got that right no this is one of the most fucked up things i've ever read it is i read this on espn.com today i saw

[37:34]lebron was sitting with me and i was like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry ankle tendonitis t-e-n-d-i-n-i-t-i-s that is how you spell tendonitis it's fucked up what you know one more it would be 11 denitis yeah and denitis now i of course can spell it simply you guys know you spell it with an i and do you mean tendonitis and done nines oh there it is mayo clinic that's when the tendon was inflamed st john's so johns hopkins has it with

[38:05]it with an i oh this is oh wow it's a showdown this is a real sharks and jets situation i pray our advertisers don't hear this part of the show rob if if you had bad tendonitis and i put you in a heel hook in vegas do you think that would do it or not oh that's not funny we've practiced those sometimes it's scary here i guess you know mayo clinic that's that's pretty close to my house from richfield i live i live pretty close to mayo clinic much closer than rob does right not a big deal to me how close things are

[38:35]to my home okay not a big deal at all is it i actually was thinking about college where we all went or whatever jerk off said about that i'm sorry to derail russell's run gun it's only like the fourth i've done it three times i gotta apologize more than so russell was getting a gift the person was down on her knee and then russell got distracted by something and walked away was that the story you were telling russell oh so so so anyways i was i was looking online and it turns out um the darlington brother and sister the the brother and sister who wrote booze and vinyl booze

[39:05]have also have another book out there i think it's called like uh booze and holidays or holidays and vinyl essentially it's a book with like all the great holiday albums paired with drinks like amazing right what more could you ask for did you buy it so i'm going online in the the uh the uh festive holiday lover upstairs i'm telling her about oh man this is amazing i didn't know they had this i'm about to buy it and the the festive person in the house says do not buy that book

[39:35]and i'm like you did it why would i not buy the book yeah do not buy that book why would i not why would i not buy that book if i were a brat i'd like my kids yeah so i'm gonna buy the book it becomes apparent that maybe the festive goer in the house got an amazing gift for me right and so then we kind of go through i'm you know playing the game where i've got to buy the book

[40:00]i've got the other two i like how you know we kind of have this back and forth the question is and today right before we came on the uh the festive person in the house said well maybe you should open one gift today do you open the gift early if you may know what it is or do you wait for the holiday wait for christmas or christmas eve and open it then we could get hit by a meteor tomorrow if someone says this gift today you open that gift honestly i think if you know what the gift is doesn't count as a gift okay not a gift it's not you guessed what it is guess

[40:34]what not a gift she's got a gift she's got a gift another gift that's the way it is okay so when you get it turn it send it back yeah when you get it say you open up the wrapping paper it's not a gift to me to be fair rob this was after we had the conversation where there was like six gifts under our christmas tree and um none of them were wrapped by me and i explained i thought we weren't doing gifts this year oh my god what do you think wait wait i got a special holiday edition oh good

[41:02]you i mean i guess it all depends on what else you plan on doing on during the holidays maybe around the family down with wherever you're traveling i don't know is there other plans that we don't know about because this is going to come out after all this happens right true it all depends it all depends on what do you think matt would you have opened would you have opened a gift that if you kind of figured out what it was even if it to be fair this is a gift which is perfect for this time

[41:30]a year week or so after the holidays maybe it's not the most perfect gift but right now it is the perfect gift well then she should have given it to you like a week ago right like on the 15th or something like that matt i appreciate you being critical of the festive person aaron and rob would you like to be critical of them too no thank you i think that anytime you can receive that gift is great but i agree that four days before christmas is better than four days after so now's the time seize the moment can we just normalize can we just normalize giving cash

[42:02]i just let's normalize cash just everybody stop well nobody wants a lot of weird lateral income transfers for no reason i mean the problem is the problem is is cash uh should be normalized as long as the people aren't asking for cash right like is i don't know i don't want to offend anybody who had like a wedding but like i i love giving cash at weddings but when people are like oh we just want you know like 1500 bucks for we can go we can go on our honeymoon so we can go on our honeymoon

[42:31]it's like oh you're getting guitar hero for me if you do that yeah you know things like that so i'm with you rob because my brother keeps asking me like what do i get what should i get the boys and i'm like just get them cash yeah they'll go to buy whatever they want you don't have to worry about it and you know i think a little bit of it is he doesn't have his own kids so he just likes buying presents or whatever but the other thing so so i was talking about receiving gifts when you kind of figure something out too quick how do you handle it the other thing i was going to ask you guys is uh i thought it would be nice are you allowed to get gifts we've talked

[43:04]about this before with tickets what about records can you get gifts that you're going to benefit from but you think your your festive person in your house might also enjoy and give it to them as a gift i've done that yeah i've done that because i buy records that she definitely doesn't want to listen to so then i'm like oh i bought a record we can listen to together yeah i've tried that one so that works you've seen aaron have you wrapped did you wrapped it up aaron and yeah i'm still married i don't know you'd have to ask her how she how she appreciated it but yeah but but you have a

[43:34]standard and now i'm thinking about it honey your christmas gift is not nearly good enough compared to your dick size okay yikes what do you think rob can you give like a a gift to us can you give a gift to us or no i think that's what you have to do after a while you have to get a mutual gift like i was going to get a different kind of squat bar i was like yeah well everybody who doesn't want a new kind of squat bar everybody in the family would use this

[44:01]instead i got her a mouth guard which is not really something both of us could use maybe i mean you can use both of us if you try hard you should you should put this mouth guard on before you put that in that camera on me because i might flail a little bit while you put me out wouldn't she appreciate a new squat bar like i feel like that would be right like fully in her wheelhouse yeah but i didn't buy one aaron i forgot i swear this week came up so fast i was like the gifts are coming in i was like why are they coming in so early and the next thing i

[44:34]already figured out from you guys that i can definitely give the it is all right to give gifts to us so the two gifts that i gave one is addressed to the festive person in the house and the other one is addressed to russ and the festive person in the house so maybe next week i'll share with you guys what those festive gifts were is that up there i can't wait russ opens up the envelope to him and goes oh my god it's a magnum condom i can't believe this is a festive gift but really it's a gift for both of us we're only going matt uh it's going well i think

[45:04]i need to go to the advice corner oh my god oh man it's the time of year man we're all out here trying to do our best it's time i think we've got an issue so we got to talk through and i think this is the good spot to talk through i quit oh wait what you quit oh i want to get ahead of stuff this is like if somebody's like hey this is kind of the perfect thing because we've got somebody who's probably really into this somebody who kind of care less but still likes to hang around and somebody who's quit we've got a quitter okay in our midst all right we're talking fantasy football

[45:34]here oh there's the quitter guilty quitter guilty he hates fun he hates hanging out he hates text chains and his friends fifty dollars i don't have time to jump on one zoom call for like 28 minutes in the middle of man i did that zoom call on the bus i did it on bart i did it and it sucked like when i was aaron when's the last time you were on a bus you work from home you haven't been on a bus in five years let's i know it was five years ago yeah i quit before then all right let me just let

[46:04]me just read through uh we've got somebody in our league and i'm just going to read through and you guys tell me what we should do what you think we should do and how we should handle this what maybe some suggestion what week one this person at 18 points they started one player who was out for three weeks week two and three they were good 61 points 41 i would say the mendoza line in our league is maybe 60 points okay kind of a deal is that a good was that a good line maybe you think

[46:33]so you know we're going to do that next week we're going to do that next week we're going to do that next week week two 61 points week 341 points week four at 60 points but they started a wide receiver rashad bateman who was out week five 54 points lock it bye he had him in there starting week six 31 points he had this quarterback jones was out week seven jones is out and pierce is on a buy week eight he had 54 points jones is out jones jones was out with an injury came back for like

[47:01]two weeks and then was out so i think two weeks with an injury and then was out and then was out that's not you know one week you kind of you're right but two weeks week nine 25 points he has pierce out and we have p ryan on a buy week 10 22 points jones out brown on a buy goddard on a buy pierce is out week 11 19 points jones out pierce out goddard out week 12 29 points jones out goddard out week 13 jones out bateman on a buy goddard out and week 14 we have 26 points jones out and

[47:33]you know i kind of started to think about it and i started to think about it and i started to think about it and i started to think about it and i started looking back on and all of these things he got cooper cup and elvin camara who he never started once and in at least the last three weeks those guys so he had 26 26 29 those two combined had more than those points by themselves so the the ultimate is he never checked the lineup all year is the result no at least after like weeks it's just so that was me that's why i quit but one in 13 on the year one in 13 on the year so rob as commissioner of the league how are we going to handle this

[48:04]do i get do i get the guess wait do i get the guess why do i have to make a decision i feel like matt's trying to get kicked out of the league like he's trying to get kicked off the podcast listen i gotta say guys i fancy football just doesn't hold the juice for me anymore i just i don't know i feel like i've moved i feel like somebody who's like oh you know you want to like huff gas and it's like what huffing gas you know what i mean like i'm sniffing markers like before you could buy beer and everything that's what that's how you got had to get high and yeah i

[48:34]remember i used to like the magazines and like i'd watch shows about it and now i'm just like it's just i don't know i don't know if i got burned out or what the thing is but i think that person probably should uh maybe not harass the commissioner about when he pays out the league okay because it turns out that people are busy so i get not starting guys because sometimes you get busy sometimes you get busy for 51 weeks or so right before the league is going to start and you can't pay up i don't know man what are you doing you're going to find another person to put

[49:01]in the league who's a normal person i don't think so i think we've got i think we've got some options these days and what do you think i don't know maybe maybe we need like a one more year kind of a a warning just to put them on probation do i do i get to guess who this is i guess you could i didn't i mean i didn't want to personally i don't even know to our hundreds of listeners i don't want to out this person but is this person a listener

[49:34]if i had to make a guess i would guess this person likes to take shots i would guess this listener likes likes to have a beard during like 3 p.m sometimes yeah likes to know who else is drinking yep yep could this person bench press more than anyone on this podcast except for rob but it might be close i yes oh well yeah i can tell you exactly i am not doing anything to that person okay we need that person okay that person is a bright a bright shiny light in our lives

[50:03]we cannot make that happen we cannot make that happen we cannot make that happen we cannot make that is true anyway that's absolutely true yeah yeah that part is 100 true i i would almost say the person who proposes to get rid of that person from the league is the person who gets booted out of the full transparency never do we want to get rid of this person but we do need to publicly shame them just a little bit just a little bit that's fine you know just a tiny bit to see if we can get a little bit of movement out of them next year i couldn't even tell you where i finished in some of my leagues guys oh you were you were second to last this year this guy was one head

[50:34]okay in your face mom matt do you know where a pile of shit to finish this year let me see if i can find it for you here i lost uh i lost a berry from burnsville in the playoffs i mean to be real if i were to guess in this league i think there's probably three out of 12 who pay attention i would bet joe from woodbury pays attention john on the podcast pays for what john from otana is probably 50 50 let's go the johnnies were 12 and 2 they took first

[51:04]place whitey whackers 10 and 4 huh i said john from otana he won the league he won the league yep whitey whackers the ghetto cowboys off constantly so ghetto cowboys off constantly dumb shit listeners are all eight and six finish three four five klein droppers seven and seven show me your tds seven and seven no way does he set his lineup every week studwell's sacker sacksters he probably does he's just not very good powers of pain six and eight six and eight

[51:34]eight nine ten we're all six and eight and then we have rb rgbg what does that stand for i never know a lot of time nobody knows five and nine and then we've got time changes people at one and thirteen uh listen at this point okay no offense to john but if you're winning a fantasy football league you're a bad dad okay you're a bad dad you're not a good parent okay you're spending too much time on fantasy football all right you're watching every little yahoo video

[52:00]they send you okay knock it off probably someone who hasn't gotten a haircut in a few years either right man i'd let mine grow if i had his hair too that's true he had christian mccaffrey and yeah he's jailing hurts so somehow he got those two guys i have more personal respect for the guys in the league who don't pay attention than the ones who set the lineup every day thank you yeah we're heroes i mean it's once a week you just have to literally go in and takes 13 seconds but you got to do it by thursday at 3 p.m pacific that's hard i i always

[52:30]forget my yahoo login and then i have to set a new password and then i have to set a password i forget the new password and it's like it's this vicious cycle of like oh i don't have the password on my computer have to reset it then it screws it up so when i use the app i've got to reset it's like a back and it's never works i've got i've got somebody i'm married to that you should meet russell you guys have very similar stories any chance they'll be in the same place anytime soon or no absolutely talk about this yeah i would never let her buy what if she picked up russell's

[53:04]reel rolling going i wonder what this person would get me as a christmas gift if they had a ten dollar limit it's guys listen russell hey first of all okay this was the biggest squat bar we could buy you for ten dollars okay that's i want to explain that to you roll and go and russell rob roll and go and how's robbie uh listen robbie okay

[53:34]it is that time of year okay i've got to go into the holiday advice corner oh my god the bells are so loud hey they're showing uh anthony edwards signing a bunch of kids jerseys uh after the game um i guess he didn't have the same thoughts about those kids as he did the other ones huh oh no what i guess i guess he's fine with those kids showing up to his

[54:03]games i need to go to the next game i'm going to go to the next game i'm going to go to the next game give me some advice okay am i do you think i'm a bad person do i need to stop doing this that i love getting christmas cards from people to see how weird their wives have gotten oh you know what i mean like you just look at some of these wives and you're like they weirded out man something happened well i mean like i'll get christmas cards from like the simonsons and i'm like who are the simonsons and she's like oh we went to that thing with them and like they work

[54:33]with me and i'm like i don't know what to do with them and i'm like i don't know what to do with them and i'm like so then i look and i'm like man these kids kind of look like frogs you know what i mean like the kids like you see weird kids on christmas cards right like who are some weird wives you've yeah let's yeah let's start five top five weird wives you've encountered this year all right number five number one zach's wife weird as hell five number five yeah number five number four okay number four uh

[55:03]rob who is number four listen it's john's wife marrying john that's weird when we went to that wedding the stories oh i can't use this you gotta bleep out his last name when we went to his wedding we told stories and then the high school friends are like oh yeah check out this fucked up story and we were like whoa that story was way more fucked up and the friends are like what about this shit what he did

[55:31]this you know what i'm saying this is always like this isn't really the keys one is the best one the burying the keys this has to do with uh this story is that they're winning this is a story well yeah because she's gotta be weird if she married him no jeez okay now he's playing fancy football okay but i don't think he gets a card out he's winning i don't think i don't think they send out a card because it would look like she married like a caveman you know what i mean listen this might be the end here

[56:01]yeah this is the end you guys don't you guys don't look at all of our listeners matt got it matt got it well you guys asked me who the next weirdest wife was who's number three who's number three i get no i'm not doing that anymore listen here's the thing you cannot do a top five list and bail on number four okay there's some one of our friends has is like only wears like hand homemade dresses now it's very strange it's like she's on little house in the prairie oh no it's so bizarre

[56:32]that's pretty weird okay it makes me think like it's like a steps it's like a sister wives type situation it's kind of what it looks like tell me more oh i don't know do you guys just like that's why i am i a bad person for looking at weird kids man you had a big reaction to weird kids on the christmas card i think you know i just think i mean everybody's kids at some point and even you growing up right like everybody's got weird times in their lives kids are weird things like that and so well and as somebody whose wife is a photographer i know that you know

[57:03]these things are not going to be the same as they used to be and i think it's going to be the same for everybody and i think it's going to be the same for everybody and i think it's going to be the same for everybody and i think it's going to be the same for everybody and i think it's going to be the same for everybody are not cheap so people get dressed up and they buy new outfits and you know it's not like they're just wearing the everyday stuff that you see them in things like that so yeah you're probably just used to seeing people at the gym right and all of a sudden they're dressed up in some family photos hanging off a bluff or something like that and you're like well yeah i mean everybody wants the bluff everybody wants you gotta go you gotta go be on those cobblestone roads don't you right you gotta be in the forest or you gotta be in the fields that's literally every picture in this year's

[57:32]christmas card oh i gotta say you know what brings this up to me talking about not because i wasn't i'm not just thinking about weird looking kids the number one wife who's the number one number two we haven't got a two or one yet no i'm not doing i'm not doing those don't be you're making me edit so much out it's crazy hey why don't you just be like aaron in the fantasy football league and quit that shit quit that quit my weird wife fantasy league that i have yes hey my wife only talks about power lifting with me oh that's weird uh it is

[58:02]we'll say this and we we haven't done it and i gotta make a note for next year that you know as we get older like i think i sent a text out about six months ago like how old is everybody's kids like are we in 10th grade you know you just don't know anymore i think you just lose track so i just appreciate when people put the ages down obviously on our card we didn't put the ages down of the kids but we're gonna start doing that because it's good just to know how old these kids are almost to death we are yeah right so i remember why i brought this up it's because

[58:30]my wife it's the funniest day of the year i don't know how old she is i don't know how old she is when my wife gets the christmas cards in the mail and she goes oh good now we can send these out now guys when she says this i laugh so hard i think it's one of the funniest things of the entire year where she says oh yes we should get these cards guess what those cards ain't going out we're not sending out those cards we've got box after box of bought christmas card that we do not send out we once sent out two christmas cards in one envelope

[59:02]you can send those out rob why don't you contribute a little more around the house i'm not doing i'm not doing that i'm busy doing the podcast rob here's what you do i mean that parody song is today no one of those tiktoks or whatever i saw somebody had a joke thing where they literally just found christmas cards and then they would send them to their parents and then film them trying to figure out if they knew who the people were yeah and it's it's a great bit it's such a good bit i don't know who this is you know and so

[59:31]i don't know who this is i don't know who this is i didn't just send just find like 50 random just send your card out to 50 or i should i should do that i should bring it to my sisters and just hang up a random card like for one of our friends we hang them up she's like what the hell i did have a christmas card moment um to one of you on the podcast texted me and asked for my new address the other two of you did not matt was the one who texted being asked we yeah we're we're not sending cards out this year i did have this moment where i was like oh i have a new address do you guys proactively text people and say hey

[60:01]i have a new address i think it's kind of conceited to assume that anyone would ever even want to mail me anything so i think proactively i don't proactively send it i just figure if someone asks i'll give it but like could you imagine if i would have on the 15 person text chain been like hey just in case you guys need it here's my address that's that's fucking weird right that's weird yeah well i think on that text chain it's fine but i think any like i yeah i think everyone on that text chain you're referring to would like to know where to find you for sure

[60:31]so that's okay number one russell if you sent that every single person will look at the address and just say who gives a shit where russell's living i'm not sending him shit okay i would i would map that thing right away what's the closest burrito shop and what's the best bar nearby to be fair that address has mattered matt once came and um he cleaned my gutters for me when i wasn't there or at least paid someone to do it one or the other what yeah aaron has sent me records to that address and rob i guess rob hasn't done anything i believe he's

[61:01]sent a tie but he sent it to the wrong address i went to matt's house and i never got it i had to go to matt's house to get it so the real thing is russell i know where you live i've been coming by and stealing some amazon packages every once in a while okay you should see this food processor i have it's so nice i could process anything okay you want some of this baba ganoush uh all right listen let's get into the album oh shit we may be like a two hours this is my favorite part of the

[61:31]damn all right uh this is kendrick's fourth album okay and damn has been characterized as conscientious rap in a 2017 new york times article okay that featured somebody named tom waits okay what's he building in there i love tom waits and back kendrick said oh yeah i'm also working on another album so this is two after to pimp a butterfly he releases humble and it

[62:01]goes to number one in the second week okay it's up there for like four non-consecutive weeks it's his first number one as a solo artist do you know what his first other number one was before this not as a solo artist bitch don't kill my vibe it was uh bad blood with taylor swift he was rapping oh wow it's a good one uh this damn became his most commercially successful album and he said that

[62:31]it was his best rap album grammy in 2018 so let's get into damn kendrick now russell last week you and i talked a little bit about listening to kendrick and i said it stresses me out i i know he's one of the greatest rappers of the 2010s he is the greatest rapper he is 2010s rap i feel i i mean when you look at like how successful he was

[63:01]time frame it's he's like a juggernaut he's huge so i was but aaron how is he different from like next week we're doing uh uh public enemy like this is so different from that yeah well it's much later i mean this album is where yeah so the time is different he is lyrically so dense in a way that chuck d was starting to be but that kendrick perfected i mean he's kendrick's i was the like right and this is the album where he's wrapping his ass off

[63:31]right and this is the album where he's wrapping his ass off perhaps the most i was gonna say i think they're both conscious rappers right i mean they're both very poignant and what's going on in date and time things like that but yeah it's completely different uh not completely but it's a different uh way of getting it out if you will and man you can feel you can absolutely just absolutely feel every word that he says on this album that's what i like so much about it like you don't i don't think there's any filler i don't think there was

[64:01]you know i got a day or two to just hammer out a couple i mean he has every single word he is on point and you can feel it now on this one dna lamar he started rapping this i got i got i got and then said okay i've wrapped this acapella now build a beat around it can you imagine how hard that is to build a piece of somebody's rap i think that'd be easier i don't actually know who did the production though do we know mike will made it mike will mike will

[64:31]you know i don't actually know who did the production though do we know oh mike will made it like this yeah i mean i was just gonna say i think there weren't there different producers on a lot of them or yeah mike will's on a lot of it okay no just just go just go away to the end go to like you know with like a minute left here we have to listen to that i mean it's just the build up to this point just unbelievable i'm telling you guys i

[65:01]want to appreciate it i do it just it's just it's so frantic i mean i can feel that right like it's not really this one for me is easier to put on and listen to i also like this album i listened to a ton when my son was born so i like because it came out in 2017 right he was born in april 2017 so this album i listened to when like when i was holding on to him i listened to it at the when i like started trying to exercise after he was a little bit older like going back to

[65:31]work and go to the gym oh my god i gotta get out of this house yes there is nothing here no there is nothing like dads who have kids and then are immediately like well always now it's time to pursue my lifelong past passion of endurance sports i've got this house i've got more than five push-ups i'm not doing the 26.2 today i'm doing the hundred doing the hundred yeah that wasn't me no no mine was i'm gonna go mine was i'm gonna go to the gym at my office and deadlift 115

[66:01]pounds that's that's where i was at you don't even go to the work at your office but you go use the gym i did back then not now that was in 2017 that was a long time ago but i can see i can see how this is not easy to listen to i don't think he intends it to be easy to listen to but i think it's a perfect rap album yeah as in yahweh my takeaway with with you can play this one rob i i think i just am so connected with like the 90s gangster rap the stuff that we were into as kids

[66:31]that just felt like it had more of like i don't know if you call him a hook or i don't know if you call it like uh something you can easily sing along with whereas i don't know if you can do that as much with this maybe he's just too skilled and i can keep up with stoop dog i can't keep up with uh kendrick but no you're right he doesn't let you rap along i mean the what's he love and loyalty both have good hooks on them but yeah he's not easy to rap along with elements his

[67:01]his slang and wordplay are really dense can i just tell you how famous kendrick lamar is how famous is he this song first came out on lebron james's instagram story that's where it was first released that's pretty cool can you imagine being a musician and lebron james breaks it for you i did the email show hey otani and see

[67:31]if that works out dude we might make more money than him did you see how much he deferred in that contract that is stupid stupid he's making 45 million a year from his endorsements he doesn't need it oh no good luck good luck getting in line as a creditor when that team goes bankrupt in five years oh boy does he still get paid when he gets tommy john again in a year like is that stuff guaranteed he's about now russell russell you should read about the tax implications that they

[68:00]think they found the loophole for the tax implications about delaying it for 10 years and not taking it right away that he might be like saving like 15 on his taxes and that might be the the actual reason why he's doing it so look into the tax implications people need to learn to pay their fair share and as a california resident i'll be bearing the burden of that tax yes you will tax deficit give us some water show hey please we just want a little water now we want to see you hit some dingers fuck yeah this

[68:31]this french drain cost me another 32 percent over what you told me it was gonna cost i could show hey i got a strange updates next week deal we've got thundercat on the base you guys ever watch any thundercat youtube videos oh of course very fun fun personality thundercats on so many of these 2000 rap albums 2010 because of the yeah because of the flying lotus collective so

[69:00]this whole la scene was like really wrapped up together thundercat yeah damn you guys are smart i'm dumb waiting for you to argue with me that's like tonight i said jenny okay so get this okay before we get to loyalty which actually won for best rap song by a duo i just won a grammy for that this actually i'll play it right now jenny jenny says to me with rihanna jenny says to me

[69:30]listen do not wake me up i gotta get up i gotta get up for work early tomorrow at 7 a.m i said okay that's fine i said listen maybe i'll just sleep on the couch and then i won't wake you up her response was good not okay not oh i don't know like i was hoping she'd fight it a little bit it was literally good i was like oh i'm gonna be on the couch tonight wouldn't you rather just ever be straight with you and just tell you what what she would prefer russell's

[70:00]no i do not you don't like that you can't handle that and your your uh confidence yeah i had that like the night i came home from night golf i had the same thing i was like oh yeah i ate a bunch of barbecue and then i drank you know all night uh i probably should sleep on the couch same thing like yep yeah you oh god i can't question aaron aaron you want to go why doesn't aaron go to the advice corner aaron what you should have done in that situation was been like hey i'm gonna go out and drink a bunch of beer and eat some barbecue i think that's what you should have done in that

[70:30]you should maybe sleep on the couch smart yeah next time that's what i'll try yeah please well and then guess what you're welcome it turns out it turns out she's not going into work tomorrow she has to wake up for an online zoom meeting oh god i was like do not make me sleep on the couch for an online zoom meeting that's sick our marriage might be done guys okay which is great because i'll have a lot more time to write parody songs this is gonna be awesome uh pride no yeah pride

[71:00]this i feel like this might be my favorite beat on the album which i don't know maybe says something about me like i love the laid back almost late atlanta beat yeah i really like it it's not my favorite rapping on the album but it's my favorite beat like when this comes on it feels like rob like loyalty into pride feels to me a place to exhale on the album and just be like all right cool i agree with you there i can vibe with this you know

[71:30]so i'm gonna go ahead and do this so humble the next song is the one he released first it's his like i said first one after bad blood gets him a number one album got four nominations at the 60 grand 60th annual grammy award record of the year best rap performance best rap song best music video and it won in those last three categories you know what the big one for me i think of this album did you guys read i don't know if you read this yeah this album won a pulitzer prize you guys know that what all right it was a newspaper i was reading it's the only it's the only

[72:00]only non-jazz or classical artist to ever win a pulitzer surprise pulitzer prize i was looking it up i was like how is that possible and you go through and you look and it is literally the only one didn't what did uh beyonce win for what was that what award was that i don't if she won a pulitzer it would have been after kendrick kendrick won the first non-jazz or non-classical and i don't know if beyonce won one or not what is a pulitzer prize for i don't know reporting right am i wrong is it right it's like a book what is a pulitzer prize for oh

[72:30]she won a peabody she won a peabody ah yes oh yeah i had that once sophomore year in college i think this did i mean i think it kind of messed him up though i think that he had a hard time figuring out how to follow this one uh because i think so the poet i'll just read this really quick the pulitzer prize award administered by columbia university sink in new york achievement in newspaper magazine online journalism literature and musical composition within the united states all right so it's established in

[73:00]1917 by joseph pulitzer so it's it's a better name than the joseph award so he released untitled and mastered but that was all stuff that was already recorded and then it took him another four more years five more years to release uh mr fuck i can't remember so aaron aaron hold on what's that album mr is it mr mr whatever that album is what i need the most recent one well someone needs to pull that album name for me quick yeah it's i can't remember it's something about the hot

[73:31]steppers and the uh i read so i was doing my my typical beck kendrick lamar check you know mr morale and mr morale i only found this on one website so i wasn't going to bring it up but now that aaron brought up the next album i saw one reddit page where there was it had a back quote about how kendrick had came to back and wanted to do like the story reader the one remember when beck did all the sheet music where he didn't sing the songs he just created the songs put the sheet

[74:01]music out had other artists do them and i was reading on this reddit article that kendrick came to back and said hey i want to do that because i don't know how to follow up what i've done i've put too much pressure on myself because i can't live up to like the expectations that people have for me and i couldn't find it on any other website so i don't think it's true but i did read on reddit once that he went to back wanted to do a song reader type album on that last album we just mentioned because he didn't know how to follow it up so again don't know if it's true

[74:31]but when it comes to artists going to back for advice on the career when they don't know what how to proceed kendrick wait kendrick did it better and dreck did it better oh my god we've been doing the wrong podcast this whole time we got to email that other podcast and we've changed our name you know what you know what under 3000 would say to him nice are you guys so good at anything in life that you're worried like hey i can't continue to live

[75:03]up to what i the standard i've said or not yes you're a champion weightlifter are you worried like hey one day i'm not going to be able to hit my goal right yeah and i think that one day was about uh one two two months ago oh yeah no i i don't know what i mean what's i'm gonna get it yeah of course russell i'm worried about dying is that what you're asking me like i think about it every day i'm sorry i'm super i'm super good at taking naps and so like if i ever lie down to take a nap but i can't

[75:31]fall asleep then i feel like i really haven't lived up to my yes that's a good that's a great i'll send you the video on that peruvian necktie and it'll put you right now go to sleep can i just say this speaking of this lust it's a song about routine i was gonna ask you guys do you have any like what's what's the routine you have every day like what's on it can i tell you my bedtime routine now let's hear it because i made it in the morning and i'm like oh my god i'm so tired discovery i found my mouth guard again so now when i go to bed i have the sound machine on

[76:02]i have the pod i have the headphones on listening to a podcast i have my mouth guard in okay i then am getting my own sheet different from the bed sheet to sleep under with my fan on okay you guys have anything like i can't i can't imagine why anyone would ask you to sleep on the couch leo leo slept over at a buddy's house the other day and you know that kid's mom she probably would

[76:32]have some words for you like she had for us about how oh man she's from argentina so she's you know that's that's not good you need to dark no sound no fan that's dark you know and so she probably have some words for you too rob oh but how much you're messing up your sleep guys it's it's it i'm gonna tell you i bought now three of these nighttime headphones because i will say again the dog ate you can see him the dog ate the wires and shit and when they when i didn't have it i started to panic and i was

[77:00]like and i was like oh man i'm addicted to these i should really get my shit together and figure out how to sleep without these and instead i said no i'll buy three so i'll never run out okay so that was my genius plan healthy i don't know if i got any routines like that rob i don't know you have to do wordle and connections every day now because a part of some group that won't yeah won't let it quit yeah high yeah we have to get it done you're stuck doing that yeah what about you aaron you seem

[77:30]like a routine guy i mean we know about your stopping at the fruit stand after work or like between work i never quite figured out what your fruit stand stop was first and i mean i guess my only only routine like the morning routine you know wake up make the coffee or read with wallace whatever um i don't know i think i have a few i don't think i have a routine like that maybe like if i'm gonna work out i've got like a certain set of warm-up stuff i like to do but that's pretty much it i don't think i have a routine like that maybe like if i'm gonna work out i've pretty normal shit all right i don't really like yeah nothing so i'm gonna this is kind of a candy

[78:00]bar situation for me i realize that once again the things i am doing is well routine is i think routine and ritual are very important we talked we talked about ritual on episode maybe three matt was talking about it but i don't have anything interesting no matt russell what about you matt read a book about ritual he talked about it yeah forever ago god you're like this is wild god you're like the ghost you're like a ghost of christmas past that's a ghost of christmas of beckton a better past no russell that's russell russell knows oh i'm the ghost of

[78:31]beckton a better future and it's exactly the same thing oh shit this is album 483 we all like it it's pretty good want to give kudos to rob that that song has a hook that goes let me put the head in and we didn't even discuss aaron aaron aaron that's just on the song i should get a pulitzer i'm just reporting mom listens to this at least some of the episodes what's this true she probably didn't listen after that billy

[79:00]joel disaster i haven't heard yet yeah i would imagine you're not going to my wife finally told me that dirty talk is not me saying is it in is it in can you feel it can you feel that stuff like that just the most depressing thing they say dirt sex like is it in like i and i think everybody said it's just a bummer it kills the vibe every time and then you know it's really bad is if you go is it in and she goes i don't know like nobody's sure nobody knows what's going

[79:32]on just i'm just gonna lay that out there that would be a bummer if it happened if somebody it would be above just imagine imagine something like that happening it'd be just such a bummer so embarrassing hey i mean you wouldn't want to talk about that with your like your best friends you could almost talk about anything with them that would be too hard too real uh love i love this song was it zachary love and lust i loved this i thought it sounded beautiful i put it on our list actually yeah let me just listen to

[80:01]this lush russ why do you love this song did you guys notice how every song on this album was a one word song yes what do you guys think of that good it's kind of cool isn't it what's the theme it's the scene it made me start thinking what are the greatest hip-hop songs ever that have one word titles i thought we could do a list wow and from a song perspective this may be the greatest list we've ever done in terms of just

[80:32]five absolute crushers wow oh wow i'm excited excited to hear them love was my favorite song too brother you like that one man it was played on r&b radio too it was a perfect crossover hit yeah so there are some one word hip-hop songs that we're not going to cover we've already heard them or they just didn't quite make it but they're amazing we're going to cover them next time we're going to cover them next time we're going to cover them quick sabotage great hip-hop one word song and i believe kendrick sampled it

[81:01]the bc boys on a song of his before a quemini another great one word song we've covered before quemini easy to say aqua mini not what i was intending one of kendrick's biggest influences biggie um had juicy another one word hit geez wow the one that um i wanted to put on the list i'd done all this research kendrick was into this one and i was like oh my god i'm going to do this one and i'm going to do this one and i'm giving him props bone thugs it turns out the song crossroads is the crossroads yeah it's two words

[81:33]not one word so it got knocked off the list last minute i would say top three song about uncle charlie of all time i miss him dog so so first song on the list is from 1992 the band is rest of development the song is tennessee oh so fun challenge you to a game horseshoes they were just on the the hip-hop 50th anniversary yes they were just on they they they performed together it was

[82:00]wonderful you know what rosie you got to go listen to krs1 talk about why he was not on oh i will you know why he did not want to be part of the 50 year oh i will at the grammys or whatever it's pretty darn good can i just say this song tennessee reminds me so much of my kids right when we leave a restaurant because you know what they say to me because i am still thirsty won't you won't you help me we were just in the restaurant and i have to go to the bathroom

[82:31]that's that's also on the list of cds that aaron bought because he liked one song and of course one of them for sure i everybody's got a cd like that say hello to blind melon mr wendell on that song is that is that the same yeah okay so that's a pretty good one my favorite fact about that one is it was 78 on vh1's greatest hip-hop songs and i was like i don't know vh1 was ever like the the pioneer of rating of hip-hop songs it was more like alternative hip-hop it was

[83:01]you know it was like the the college station hip-hop versus mainstream if vh1 was the king of making lists anytime i turned that thing on they were like number 83 i was like i don't even know what this list is but i'm down i'll watch it right now rob did you ever have like an embarrassing hey i gotta flip the channel quick when the parents are coming down the stairs with vh1 on i don't know always mtv yeah no they'd come down and i was all sweaty and like george michael's faith was on i'm

[83:30]looking at his jeans the parents are like oh didn't see that coming watching the flavor of yeah reality show i'm watching flavor of love ah should it be hoops or sweetie i don't know or no what was her name oops what was the other one it was flavor of love yeah who was that the one who was pooped on the floor was that flavor of love was that that show i'm not now i'm not sure there's one of the dating shows i think it was flavor of love always talk about the pooping on the flavor dating show where one of the girls pooped on the floor in the first episode listen we'll talk about

[84:04]that next week with rob can we not go one episode without talking about pooping on the floor the fire kitten people are just yeah loving that they partnered up with us i think the key would be is that you'd have to find the poop right you have to be like oh what who did this you know what i mean like you'd have to point out nobody would suspect you

[84:30]i think that would be the go-to aaron what's your go-to move you accidentally pooped on the floor at a party like you look over there's some poop on the ground you know it's you you've got to fake a medical condition right clean it clean it up and leave like just grab a bag and put it up what you're at a party if you bent down to pick it up everybody's gonna know it's yours i don't know if you're running out of this everybody if you're running out everybody's gonna know it's yours too like i feel like you gotta own it there was there was 30 people here now there's 29 right my guess is the

[85:02]aaron who left owning up is a terrible idea nobody's ever had a conversation with her like hey you know what that aaron guy was a bummer he pooped on the floor kind of killed the party but you know what i gotta give it to him he owned up you serious don't you think if i was like listen i'm really sorry i pooped on your floor i cleaned it up i will come back tomorrow if you need it and then i'm out it's like that's way better than pooping and running way better play without aaron's son i would be like i can't believe you pooped on the floor at this party i would like if russell and i were spending christmas together somewhere there's poop on the floor and we're both looking at each other

[85:31]like fuck my proposal edit to the podcast rob what we could do is do like you know how people draw credit cards to pay for dinner we could like draw straws or something and one of us takes the blame for it right 50 50 shot you get away with it that would be bummer if you didn't do it and you drew the straw where you just said you did that's the worst of all worlds well i know i didn't do this but i did agree to draw straws hey you want to draw straws for this okay why would you say okay you know you didn't do it

[86:06]why would you why would that be an option i drew the straw gotta be a team player i love to gamble wolves by eight and a half i guess i mean when you guys when you guys take that deal let's say you've got like a group of eight buddies okay and and if someone ever did accidentally poop on the floor you have got a one in eight chance of taking the blame for it but you also have got a seven eighth chance of getting out of it without any ridicule i'll take that bet i'll draw that straw if you didn't do it why would you why would

[86:35]you take blame at all but you never know you don't know you're gonna do it until it drew the straw man we all agreed before this party started lost how do we get here matt is so arrogant to think that he would never do that yeah it's not your choice you got me it wasn't it wasn't purpose yeah it's a it's an accident when you picture it's almost like when matt pictures somebody pooping on the florida party he's picturing a certain body type okay so he knows who he's gonna blame

[87:02]yeah it's the type who would date flavor flavor i guess flavor why i was gonna do this whole thing about how people i was reading this article on slate about how uh tennessee kind of proved that hip-hop could be more versatile and more capable than just like gangster rap and kind of go into this whole thing with uh look kendrick but i don't think it's really gonna fit after the whole poop on the floor conversation so we'll go to the next song on the list this song typically we don't recover songs that we've done before but this one is so good it's from 1992 from low-end theory tribe called

[87:34]quest this is a scenario oh man this is so good this is a wedding right yes okay okay , so this had um fife dog was one of the main rappers from

[88:03]tribe right when he died uh kendrick had a post i don't know if it was a tweet or whatever but he said today we lost one of the pioneers in hip-hop by the name of fife dog right now ain't nobody cheering about me we're gonna give it up for him for allowing me to do what i'm doing on this stage right here right now so kendrick big fan of tribe definitely a huge influence on what he did in the rap game right you can hear like crazy i mean i just just how the the flow goes you can hear it big time also they're both short guys oh so you think they're probably pooping on the floor

[88:35]huh is that what you think low down the floor get away with it shorter they're both under they're not as tall as russell i mean to be fair it might be as tall as rob just right now all of us pictures hey this guy just pooped on the floor you look over what does he look like i do picture a short guy i gotta say it there's no way it's like a six foot eight guy right it's not me because you're the tallest one out here so it's definitely not you yeah but i've got enough girth where i probably it overtakes my uh my height who want to shit on floor with mutombo yeah you can't

[89:06]picture it can you next song on the list this is from 1992 uh one of our favorite we haven't heard these guys in a long time i don't know if they have another album coming up but this is the the song is triumph oh wow bobbing atomically you see wu-tang's got a residency out in vegas starting i think in february guys yeah no we don't do anything cultured when we're out there you know that listen we are

[89:36]leaving the sports book we are eating pizza at the sports book yeah watching sports yeah make fun of people who aren't watching i want to go to the library shut up nerds i had to explain everybody at my at work i was like oh yeah we're going like oh what fancy restaurant you got to go to fancy i go look you're going to go to the library you're going to go to the library you're here's here's the deal every dollar that's spent at a fan at a fancy restaurant over ten dollars because you can get a burger at in and out burger you know that that suffices anything over that

[90:04]is just a dollar not spent gambling and that group doesn't go along i gotta admit yeah anytime somebody comes back from vegas and they're like oh we went to a lot of good shows i'm always like you're a fucking moron you're stupid and you wasted your time right except the time you go to super freeko this year you can come if you want it's that is that's kind of like our library though like we go to super freeko and be like wow we're getting smart well kendrick would never went to

[90:33]super freeko but he did was very influenced by the wu-tang clan he said one time just that raw element of hip-hop you know to do what i want to do and have my own voice that was a group of individuals that each had an individual sound nobody sounded like each other and everybody went for their self and did what they wanted to do and that's hip-hop being yourself and expressing yourself and that's what i want to do and that's what i want to do and that's what i want to do and Wu-Tang, huge influence on Kendrick Lamar. I thought that was really cool. Next on the list. We got to go West Coast,

[91:00]right? Kendrick's a West Coast rapper, right, Aaron? Yes, he's from Compton, yeah. He's from Compton. Los Angeles, Southern California. This is like, this is the Russ favorite on there. This might not be the rapper's favorite, but it's Regulate, One Word, No, this, everyone loves this song. Okay. It was nominated, Aaron, for Best Rap Performance. Right? If somebody said to you, oh, you know that Warren G song, Regulate? I don't like that. You'd be like, well, you're a fucking moron. I'll never talk to you again.

[91:30]That would be rough to, yeah. One of the best concerts I ever saw was at the Caboose in Minneapolis, which is like a half biker bar, half dive over by the U of M in Augsburg and that. Warren G opened up for Snoop Dogg at the Caboose in Minneapolis, and we were about four people deep from the stage, and it was pretty darn cool. So I saw this song live, Russell. You weren't at the Fonda Theater in LA in 2011.

[92:01]That was the day where Snoop Dogg, Warren G, and some of the other West Coast legends were on stage with Kendrick, and they essentially passed the torch to him. Snoop Dogg said, we're watching you, and we're passing the torch to you. It's a beautiful thing to watch what you do. So I'm saying this, you've got the torch, you better run with it. So Warren G is on stage with Snoop Dogg when he essentially, they say, you are the guy now, you got to take us to the next level. I thought that was very cool. Can I say this, too? I think if I was playing

[92:31]Regulate, I think if somebody, if I was looking for a soundtrack for when we're figuring out who pooped on the floor. Yes. Regulators is a really good one. Mount up. Mount up. We're trying to find out who did this. You, Shorty? You can just play the whole Above the Rim soundtrack. Wasn't Regulator on the Above the Rim soundtrack? Am I imagining that? All right. Time to check out. The Above the Rim soundtrack. And let's not say any of the songs because sometimes Rob's tempted to edit those in later and it

[93:01]turns out it takes up way more time than they used to. Speaking of editing songs in, Rob, I noticed Rob's had two editing whiffs in the last few weeks. I listened to our final episode this week and Rob put in like 10 songs on my Spotify rap, but he did something on the edit where he moved all of them up like 30 seconds. Oh, fuck. I forgot. Every song is played for like a thing that we've talked about like a minute prior.

[93:31]Shit. I might have to go back and fix that. That bugs me enough where I might delete the downloads. That really bugs me. I know exactly what I did too. Had to edit out some stuff that Russell didn't want in about a joke he made. Rob, you did have to make some changes and that's the last song on the list from 1998. This is Tupac Changes. Oh, man. Great one-word song, right? Yeah, great one-word song. All eyes on me is 436 on the list. This was going to be one of my

[94:02]in the rating system is the fact that Kendrick's got three above this and there's no Tupac. I kind of think they're both very similar for their ages. The 90s for Tupac and the 2010s for Kendrick and the fact that Tupac is at one album at 436 is a little weird for me. That's wild. This is so odd. And I think if we remember last time, you guys might remember more than me, but the last track on The Pimp a Butterfly was like

[94:30]a hypothetical interview with Tupac. Right. If I remember right. Yeah, totally. No, you're right. And Kendrick was saying, you know, he saw Tupac when he was really young and how inspiring it was. And on, I think it was like the 20th anniversary of when Tupac died, he had some message where he essentially said, you like kind of brought my joy and eagerness to rap. I understand exactly what the feeling was inspired the people that you touched on the small intersection changed lives forever. I told myself I wanted to be the voice for the man one day. Whoever

[95:00]knew I was speaking out loud for you to listen. Thank you. So I don't know if there is a Kendrick Lamar without Tupac. So I think we're honoring some of the greatest rap legends ever that had the best one word hip hop songs. Great list. Great list. I gotta say this too. If you caught a guy pooping on the floor. Yes. Did a number Tupac would be a pretty good nickname. Yes. And you know what that song would be called? What's that? One word. It would be shit. He called the shit poop. Oh, I almost

[95:32]passed out. Oh, you got me with that one. Damn poop again. Next up, we've got Ripple X, my favorite Vin Diesel movie. Oh, he's canceled now too. I took out the part with U2. I mean, this is what the party show. This is U2 singing on it. Now, why I want to play U2 instead of Kendrick, I don't know. But yeah. Good song. Why U2 of all the choices?

[96:00]Do you think he's famous enough where he's like, he's like, guess what? I'm going to have U2 come in. They're going to sing and I'm going to make them sound like shit and they're going to like it. They're not going to complain about it. I'm so famous. Check this out. I don't. Yeah, I would love to know how this came about. Who do you think is the most famous person we could get on this podcast? Elizabeth Holmes? No, Elizabeth Holmes is not coming on this podcast. What about from NPR? Maybe. There's got to be a way we could get Joe Mauer.

[96:30]There has to be. We know enough. Come on. Do you remember what I said about his parenting at the beginning of this episode? But he didn't listen to that. There was a guy who played baseball at St. Olaf who was one of his best friends growing up and at Creighton. The problem with that is that he would tell a story about his kids and Russell immediately go, oh, shut the fuck up. Nobody cared. You know what? It would be very similar to when, what's your cousin's name when he was talking about the Beatles album? Emerson. And then you cut it. Emerson.

[97:00]Remember when you cut that out? Matt, wasn't it you that sent the feedback that you got to cut this down or not? No. We were sending the feedback notes. No, no, no. It wasn't me when Matt was sending feedback notes. You can't be. There is no truth to that whatsoever. I listened and I was like, how am I going to plug this in? And then I realized I can't do it. So I had to tell him, oh, I couldn't use all the stuff you recorded for me. Humiliated. I don't know, Matt. You've never seen how quickly I can clean up a floor after I do a number on it. No. You'd be like, I did not realize Russ

[97:32]was that athletic. It's true. I cannot believe. I can't believe this episode is still going. I mean, he's like, he didn't even play he quit playing catcher like seven years ago. He can't get the squat in and out of the squat quick. He's got bilateral leg weakness. If anybody would have a prolapsed anus, you could see it being Joe Mauer for sure. All that time he was down there. That baby's a red snake waiting to come out. Look out. How many, how many squatters get that? You see that every once in a great while.

[98:00]Rob, is that like a, is that like a major thing? Like not a major thing, not a major thing, but you do. It's always the specter. Always the specter. Something is everything. It's like, oh yeah, you push really hard with your legs. Oh yeah. Something's going to change with your asshole. You're like, well, how's that relate? Why is my asshole so connected with me standing up? It's like things are going to grow in. Things are coming out. Things are growing up. Things are growing down. It's like, what is going on with my asshole? I'm just trying to push hard. Just quick reminder that next week's album has at least 18 tracks on

[98:30]it. No, it's only 10. You're looking at the deluxe edition. No, no, I looked. It's got 18. No, no. What are you talking about? Rob's got the wrong version. It's got a lot of songs. Next up fear. By the way, the first, you know, let's keep talking about shit on the floor. Why not? First date movie. First date movie. First date I ever went to was fear with Mark Wahlberg. I'm in the fucking house. You guys can give me some props. 20 episodes in when Rob did all

[99:01]his shit jokes. I couldn't take it. I wanted to edit them all out. It's true. We might let this whole shit go. Let it ride. We've grown. We're changing. By the way, seeing fear as your first date movie. Terrible idea. When your date turns, he goes, oh, Mark Wahlberg is so attractive. And you're like, this may have backfired when he goes. Like, oh, and starts pounding on the door and beating his chest. That's good. God. He is making fun of Drake with his voice on

[99:31]this one. That is the rumor. Which I love. Interesting. I know. Why do he and Drake have beef? Drake is like a rich kid from Canada and tries to be a tough rapper and Kendrick's an actual tough guy from Compton. I think Kendrick also just felt like it was important to him to take up the mantle of the king of rap. And that meant you had to take down your rivals. You couldn't be the king of rap without