Rod Stewart: Every Picture Tells a Story (1971)

[00:00]Okay, listen. I cannot tell a lie. Okay? I just got yelled at for being too loud. It's 11 o'clock. And sometimes when you're singing a Rod Stewart parody song, okay, at maybe 1030 at night, and your wife is trying to go to sleep, it is not appreciated. And now she can't go back to sleep. So it could, anytime you hear a silence, that's me looking over my left shoulder because she could strike at any time. All right? Why don't you just lean further into it? What's she going to do at this stage?

[00:30]Rob, like, she's too far along in life with you to, like, make a change, right? She broke out the you don't care about me line, which means it's about as low as you can go right now. So I'm glad you're here with us. We appreciate you taking the time. I said I can cancel the podcast. Hundreds of people will be disappointed, but that's it. That's what I love about you, Rob, is that you really care about this podcast. Trust me. It might just be me. You might see my apartments getting smaller and smaller as I record.

[01:00]I'm also in Russ's basement because it's where I live now. If we all talk quiet NPR type voices, we could do our version of fire-breathing kittens today. Oh, yeah. We should all just talk. I don't think they're sponsoring us anymore. We got to think about what we're going to do with that. I think two's enough. We'll see if we get a bump from them. We got to see. It's a little, it's a little, I scratch your back, you pop the pimples on my back. You know what I mean? Well, did they pop our pimples or not? Speaking of which, my pimples are gone. My pimples are gone. My pimples are gone.

[01:30]My TikTok guys, I'm in a weird place right now. I don't know how I got there, but somehow I got into like North Sea TikTok, where it's just boats on the ocean and then immediately to like popping blackheads. It's wild. All right, let's get into it. In 2020, four friends decided to listen to every one of the greatest 500 albums as decided by Rolling Stone magazine. This resulted in a text chain that celebrated the music, excoriated the order, and led us to making this podcast. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to put together a whole bunch of sound effects in the back that's going to make this sound really exciting. Even though right now it does sound like I'm on NPR telling you about the morning marketplace.

[02:03]We are far from experts. We promise to do almost no research. All opinions are our own. Unless you disagree, please sit back and enjoy. Beck did it better. Guys, we are all the way up to album 177. And from Rod Stewart, we have Every Picture Tells a Story. And I always want to say Every Picture Tells a Story Donut, but that's not part of the title. Although that would be a great name. I wasn't. I'm going to do this, guys, this early.

[02:30]Or a donut shop. But a Rod Stewart-inspired donut that had a bunch of Boston cream in the middle, like so much you had to go to the hospital and get it pumped out. It's a great idea. Anyway, don't look that up online. Let's get into today's parody song. Or do, if you want to understand any of Rob's jokes for the rest of this episode. No, that's the last one. Not doing it anymore. Rob, we're still doing the quiet voices and not laughing, right? No. You guys got to laugh. I need some energy here because I cannot give any. Also, I'm serious. I'm in big trouble. I'm in big trouble over here.

[03:00]What if we, what if we all go quiet voices today and see how it works? Maybe people, I just, I, I, I do, I do little to know anything for this pod, for this podcast. And, you know, I, I usually try to feed off you guys. And so this is a nice, quiet. No, I mean, host is podcasting. That sounds great. No, this is all bad. You guys shouldn't be doing this peaceful and quiet. No, you guys need to be bringing the noise. We'll really enjoy. You know what noise I need? Wait, I'm going to do this in the background. Yeah. But what if, what if marketplace?

[03:30]Was talking about, uh, booze Zayla's. This is not as good. If you'll notice in the far corner of the field, they did the cross kick there and trying to even the game at nil, nil. The worst part is that you guys think this is a joke. You think this is funny. We have a run and oh, there was an offside. I feel like I'm out. I feel like I'm out in the jungle. 1967 in the listening post

[04:01]outside of the name. Is it a yellow card? Is it a yellow card? Oh, it's a red card. This is bad, guys. We got to figure something out and I really need your help quite badly. On to Bishop 2. What is that, Russell? That's somebody announcing a chess game? That's chess, yeah. Are they quiet when they announce chess? God, it can't be loud. You guys know the story about the chess and the anal beads? Oh, yeah. Aaron. God, Aaron. No, Aaron. What is it? Tell us. Tell us about your anal beads.

[04:31]Cheating at chess. Rob probably has his finger on the pulse of this more than I do. Well, I had my finger on the remote pulse. I also had my finger on the button that went Yeah, there was a guy who was like a world champion at chess. Which setting did you put it on? He had like a transponder up his butt and that's how he was getting signals on what was going on in the chess. I don't know if that's what the Astros are up to or what. Listen, if you don't know about the anal beads, chess cheating controversy, you shouldn't listen to this podcast. That should be like Listen to fire-breathing kids instead.

[05:00]The Venn diagram of us and anal beads cheating at chess is like a perfect circle. Everybody knows about it. Listen, let's turn on the radio. Okay, now I'm going to have you guys play a little game at home. Guess at what point in the song I got yelled at. You guys, you know how Rob's really in trouble? He's not even allowed to go into his room and get a new shirt. He's wearing like a long-sleeve He's wearing a long-sleeve t-shirt, which I have never seen Rob wear in my life. Do you have pants on though? I do have pants on. Because a lot of times you don't have pants. I do have full pants on.

[05:31]I'm fully dressed. Prove it. Prove it. This is like the only shirt he could find in the closet. He's wearing jeans and a hoodie? You must feel terrible, Rob. My good friend Barry from Burnsville once said, don't you hate pants? Honestly, it's times like this where just picking up, faking my death, moving to another state, it just makes you think. Because you know how she would never know I'm still alive? By listening to the podcast.

[06:00]That would never cross her mind. I should download those podcasts. Podcasts would continue. Podcasts would continue. Yeah, Rob too. Alright, listen. Let's turn on the radio. And like I said, try to pick out the part of the song. I did get yelled at making this song. See if you can guess. You better be good. Not to put any pressure on you. I can't even say that. Not even that. And I'm going to say the DJ voice I do in the beginning is I do it at the end. So see if you can tell. I got yelled at before. Do the DJ voice and then what verse of the song I got yelled at.

[06:31]But here, let's turn on the K-Rob. Hey, it's not me. I don't know why I'm saying that. Let's go. It's the soft listening version of the K-Rob. What's up everybody? Welcome to K-Rob. K-R-O-B. Now listen. I know this show has broken my brain because it's just a couple restaurants I can't go to without thinking about the guys. Oh yeah. When I go to Cold Stone, I order ice cream for two. Before I pay

[07:00]Watch what the workers can do And I'm thinking Of making my bride Go get a job Inside So she Could be stronger When she helps me When work is through I would ask her to help me out I would ask her to help me out I would ask her to help me out I would ask her to help me out She'd use her new skills

[07:31]She'd clamp on to Open jars with tight lids What are you thinking about something else? Literally, you could hear my marriage almost everywhere. What if Sarah's Cousins owns a Cold Stone up in Minot, North Dakota? They should probably sponsor this. Oh my gosh. Don't you think? Rob, I'm not sure.

[08:02]I've heard some rumors. I don't know if you spent more time making that song or more time at your in-laws holiday party this week. Oh my God. Oh boy. Here we go. Let's get into that. Daggers right away. Let's get into it a little bit later. But first, I want to talk about You said I heard a rumor. I've got four guys here. It was a terrible, terrible disaster showing at Christmas. Who'd you hear that from, Russell? How did you? I mean, I didn't even hear that. Where'd you pick up on this from? I got connections. I've got three guys here. I've got three guys here who love Maggie Mae. And I've got one guy here

[08:30]who would rather it's a Maggie November. If you remember my joke from a couple episodes ago. I've got Matt in Minneapolis. Matt, how are you doing? Good, Rob. Just knowing Don't do this. that you lied straight face while telling me we were actually going to do a podcast tonight and not just talk quiet to each other. I don't know. I don't know. Listen, I got Russell in Minneapolis. Now, Russell, do not bait me into screaming. Okay? Speaking of Cold Stone. Rob, they say every picture tells a story. So I'm curious.

[09:00]What do Aaron and Matt's wife's Christmas cards tell us? Beautiful. Beautiful women. Really beautiful women. And beautiful children. Okay. Wish I wouldn't have said it like that. You need more of a space there. Something in between. Very Trump-esque there. I've got Aaron out in California. Now, Aaron's kid. You guys won't believe this. Aaron's kid goes to such a liberal school. Matt, you know how liberal this school is? How liberal is it, Rob? Instead, when they did

[09:30]the hokey pokey, they delivered a bunch of rice with sushi on it. I mean, that was their hokey pokey. And you'll never believe it. Instead of thumb wars, they do thumb bilateral treaties. I mean, it's crazy these days. Is this our second bilateral reference in like a month? We had bilateral leg weakness from out of Hall of Fame. Where is Hall of Fame voting at? I thought we had, didn't we have bilateral mutual masturbation? The head to toe? That was on that episode. But what I would like to say

[10:01]is that I might prefer it be a Maggie Moves, which is a precursor to Cold Stone Creamery. But I also want to say that, Rob, the morning sun when it's in your face really shows your age. But don't worry me none. In my eyes, you're everything. I'm very excited to be here talking about Rod Stewart with you guys. Are you really excited? Didn't you fly home today? Yeah, I did fly home today. There's no way I would ever do a podcast with you guys. I'm the same day I had a flight. I wouldn't be able to handle it.

[10:30]Whose marriage is more on the brink right now, Aaron? Yours or mine? Yours. Oh, shoot. Sometimes flying with the fam, you just get home and you're like, fuck all y'all. I hate you. Let's all go to the corners of the house. We don't need to talk anymore. We had a good day. But yeah, hopefully Wallace is going to get to sleep at a decent time. And then, yeah, I mean, it was a good night to not be, you know, like Anna needs some quiet. It's good. How much money do you estimate you spent in food at the airport? $40 maybe? And that, what did that get you? Like a bag of chips? I mean, the airport is like

[11:00]a different world, isn't it? When you're there. It was like a Lunchable and some Cheetos and two wraps and an apple fritter. This is how spoiled my kids are. We went, we were flying out of Minnesota the other day. My kid goes, oh, no worries. I'll just eat at the airport. I'm not going to get anything here at the subway. And I was like, what? No, you can't do that. You could pack it. They won't get you in trouble for sandwich, but they love eating at the airport. Sick. You know, you know, the whole charcuterie board craze, right? We've got a couple of charcuterie enthusiasts over there in Minneapolis,

[11:31]just north of Minneapolis, right? Downtown Minneapolis. Have you heard about the equivalent? Like, no wonder that we're all in love with charcuterie boards because we grew up with Lunchables. That was like the precursor to the charcuterie boards. So, yeah. And that's it. Charcuterie boards have less meat, though, that look like the inside of my thigh. You know what I mean? Lunchables, all that meat looked like it was sliced directly from like my groin area. It looks like the side of my thigh. It looks like the side of my thigh. It looks like the side of my thigh. It looks like the stuff from the review movie in the Andes. It's a little too moist.

[12:01]It's a little goofy. The guys cut off the other guys in a live. Do you ever wonder, like, I sometimes think, like, I bet Aaron and I Russell, Russell, shh. No, don't say shh to Russell. Keep it down. I bet Aaron and I would hate the same charcuterie board. Like, it would come out and it would have like a bunch of weird olives and stuff and Aaron would be thrilled and I'd be like, what the fuck is this? We can't get in some cheese and chocolate on this bad boy? I'm kind of a traditionalist when it comes to charcuterie boards. You know what I like, though? I don't know how you feel about this. I like some dry sausage

[12:31]that's like, I like a thick slice of it. Like, I'm okay with like, You like a thick sausage? I like when they slice the fatty sausages real thick. I like those. My nickname. Yeah. Lick? No, fatty sausage. Oh. And charcuterie board because that's something most people felt after they talked to me for a while. They got, oh, guys. Hey, Joe Mauer is still, he's at 80. 82.6% of looks like about a third. Hall of Fame update. This is going to be the podcast

[13:00]where there's only three sets of footsteps on the beach because it's where you guys tried to carry me. Then you go back a little bit. You see, they obviously pushed somebody into the water and held his head under for a while. Oh, God. All right. Listen, Rob, you're much stronger than we give you credit for, so I don't think we'd be able to do that. Whole team on his back. Without jujitsu's going, anybody could easily drown me in water. I've decided, just anybody. I'm worthless. Here we go. Let's get into the voicemail. It's fine. Hey, guys.

[13:34]Matt from New York. Been a bit. I got a call in and say thank you for some Christmas inspiration. A fellow downloader after listening to the Christmas recordings last year came up with the brilliant idea of surprising me with a picture to the Ingrid Michelson show. Wonderful holiday spirit.

[14:01]So thank you for that. We had a great time. However, the openers for the show was one of the strangest things that I've ever seen. We couldn't quite figure it out. It was seemingly Ingrid's friends from musical theater camp put on some wigs and dressed up like old people and told me that old fart jokes for 20 minutes. What? So question for you guys is

[14:31]what do you think of openers? Favorite openers? Anyone you got hooked on? Weird ones? Just curious about your general thoughts. Also in the spirit of the holidays. Listen, I'm going to pause right there for right now. Guys, have you ever gone to see a band that's had an opener you remember? I had one. And it was, it was my first concert. Rolling Stones. They were opened by

[15:00]Third Eye Blind. Oh, that's fun. They had booed off the stage in about six minutes. No. Really? Totally. Yeah. Nobody that was, and it was, it was famous. They were saying, oh yeah, every band's getting booed off the stage on the Voodoo Lounge tour. Everybody wants to hear the album Voodoo Lounge so bad with such hits as. I had that on cassette. That movie, that movie, that album sucked. It sucked dong. Okay. But it sucked. Everybody's like, no, get out of here. We don't like you. But the only other, what else? Have you guys ever seen

[15:30]one that you like? I can think of three. I saw, I saw Hoobastank open for Velvet Revolver, which was, I think I've told that story, which was only funny because they played The Reason and they sort of apologized for it ahead of time. They were like, well, this is our song. That's the one, you know, we got to play it. So that was kind of funny. And I saw Pink open for Justin Timberlake. That would be awesome. Super cool. Is this The Reason? I don't know. I don't know The Reasons. You don't know? What? You don't know The Reasons? You've heard this song? You've heard this song.

[16:01]Yeah. I guess. Here it comes for you. Okay, yeah. I mean, it's a good song. So, yeah, it was, like, it was fun. Like, if you could just, like, pick one random song to hear live that you wouldn't, like, go see the band otherwise, like, it was nice. It was fun. And then, got to see Velvet Revolver after. And then, the only band I can think of that was, like, a fun discovery was I saw,

[16:30]there was a band, I think they were called Tilly and the Wall, and the caller's voicemail reminded me of them because they were, they definitely seemed like a collection of theater kids. And they opened for Bright Eyes, Connor Oberst at the 400 Bar. That's the, I remember that was a pretty cool, pretty cool opener and, like, band I'd never heard of. I think they're from Omaha. That's it. That's my openers. You know what I always wanted to see was, I had a friend see Spongebob, Spinal Tap in concert. Oh, that's cool. I'm a huge Spinal Tap fan, know the album

[17:00]front and back, love all the songs, but you know who their opener is? It's a band called The Folksman who are the same members as Spinal Tap, but it's their band from the movie of Mighty Wind. Oh, that's fun. And of course, one of their more famous songs of The Folksman is Start Me Up. You got me chicken gonna blow my top. Another great soundtrack. You get the Spinal Tap soundtrack and a Mighty Wind soundtrack. It's wonderful. This almost sounds like a round. We'll never know.

[17:31]We simply don't have the volume to do it. Russell, go ahead, because I'm guessing you got one of mine. We've talked about it a number of times as an opening act for a band. The couple that jump out to me, the weirdest one I've ever saw, I think I've mentioned this once before, it was Metallica at Target Center and the opener was Jim Brewer, the comedian. Oh, wow. And I just remember thinking, what the hell? Aaron likes a lot of his politics nowadays,

[18:00]but was he funny? I mean, was he? I don't even really remember it. And honestly, I think it might have been the same day as a flight, so I really didn't even want to go and just kind of like, Aaron doesn't want to do the podcast. But like, I mean, was Jim Brewer even that big? Like, was he the goat guy or the caveman goat? I don't even remember what characters he was, right? Yeah, was he in some half-baked? Half-baked, yeah. Yeah, but I just, I never really understood that move. If you're going to a concert, I don't know why you're looking for a 30, 45-minute spot from Jim Brewer at the beginning. God, that would suck

[18:30]so bad. That would be like going to the nicest restaurant ever. And as an appetizer, they bring you out a Lunchable that you have to open, and it's just thigh meat in there, and you're just like, ugh. Real human thigh meat. Yeah, it's kind of sticky. Why is this meat wet? It's been in a container for how long? Mom, how about this? I'll just take a half-sleeve of Ritz crackers. That's all I want anyway. Just give me some crackers, give me some cheese. That's exactly what Wallace ate today. He didn't eat the cheese or the ham. He ate his half-sleeve of crackers. There you go. Just buy the crackers. It'd be cheaper. The other ones that jump out,

[19:00]Matt might reference one of these Bean Dock Target Field ones. Matt and I, we saw Weezer. We saw Weezer at Target Field, which was a great opener, I would say. I've also seen by Fall Out Boy, which is surprising for then Green Day, who's jumped the shark for me a little bit, but go ahead. Tim McGraw opened for Kenny Chesney at Target Field, one of the first concerts they had at Target Field, and that was pretty good, I thought. How would they decide who gets to open that one? Those guys seem equally big to me, but I don't know the scene that well.

[19:30]If you had a video where you water ski with a life vest on and a cowboy hat, you have to go first. I think that's the rule. Yeah. You want to know what my favorite memory of that show was? It was like 100 degrees. It was like 100 degrees out, and I'm just sweating and dying, but I'm like, at least Kenny Chesney's up there sweating through his shirt, too. At least if I'm going to sweat up here, as long as the main guy who's dancing around on stage is also doing it, I was like, well, no one can really rip me for this. Hey, my name's Kenny Chesney. I'm coming out tonight.

[20:00]I got to keep it down. My wife is trying to sleep backstage. Okay, I told her about this concert earlier today, and she still hasn't set up a fucking sound machine, or maybe she could not hear me. I got to keep it down. I got to wear this warm shirt because I can't take it off now. It's too late. Matt, what other good openers? Wait, wait, Russell. Russell, you got to go back. I remember the good Metallica openers that we saw together. That's the one I was referencing, too. Which one? Are we talking Godsmack or Seven Dust? Kid Rock and Seven Dust. Kid Rock and Seven Dust. I've seen Kid Rock open.

[20:31]I got to admit, now, of course, I'm not going to make the same joke about Kid Rock and his politics with Aaron, although I want to. He was fun as shit. Yeah, I can't deny it. I'm telling you, ba-wa-da-ba, this song fucking rips. Let me get to the... Yeah, it was... If you want to crank it up and unplug your headphones and let it blast, you really... I should really enjoy life. I would actually not. He's got like one ear off so he could hear if he's being too loud or not. It's torture. There's nothing worse

[21:00]for me than being quiet, especially when I'm listening to Kid Rock. And he put on a hell of a show. Remember, there was a lot of energy, right? He was a showman, man. No question. People were rocking. He came out, he did an encore with him with Metallica. It was pretty good. You know what I like as an opening act? This is, I think, my favorite thing. Avenged Sevenfold once opened for Metallica. I don't know if you guys know the song Hail to the King by Avenged Sevenfold, Rob. Maybe you can pull that one up. But what I think

[21:30]the key to a great opener is they got a... You're not really into their music, but they've got one song you want to hear. So you can get there if you want to go to your seat, hang out for a little bit, listen for a little bit. Cool. If you want to go get a beer, you want to go meet your friend down on the lower deck. I think the key to an opening is you don't have to sit and listen if you don't want to. You're just listening for one or two songs waiting for the main act. to come on stage. Yep. Yeah. I've seen this Ingrid Michaelson show that he's talking about where she dresses up as characters

[22:00]and they come out and do like bits. It's great. It's fantastic, especially for a Christmas show. But did you wish it was Jim Brewer? Were you thinking like, I wish it was Jim Brewer instead? I wish this was Jim Brewer doing some of his famous bits. All right. I'll try to keep it concise because I could talk about this forever. But one of the first concerts I went to was Bush. I was at the old Roy Wilkins Theater and the Goo Goo Dolls opened up for him. Oh, that's cool. That was a weird, you know, again, you heard a new couple songs,

[22:30]but it was very weird. Closing time. Me going. That's not the Goo Goo Dolls. Yeah, that song. Now they covered it. Nailed it. So actually in your face. Nailed it. You know, I think recently we saw, God, I'm drawing a complete blank. Perry Farrell, what's his band? Porno for Pyros? What's the other one? Billy Peppers? No, it's Jane's Addiction. Jane's Addiction. Just opened up for Smashing Pumpkins. And it was phenomenal. It was so good.

[23:01]It was one of the ones that I wanted to go because it's a little nostalgic. So I saw the whole thing was actually there. It was so unbelievable. Rob, pull up Lost in the Light by Bahamas and go about halfway through it. And so Bahamas, this guy, Alfie, he's a Canadian singer and he opened up for Jack Johnson. And we saw him and Sarah and I saw Jack Johnson at the State Theater and we had great seats and this guy opened up and he was phenomenal. And he was singing this song

[23:31]and I instantly fell in love with Bahamas. And so I've seen him a couple more times, I think, one more time. And so we'll just let this play for a little bit. But, you know, then there's just some other, you know, the ones that Russell's brought up. Ooh, I want to take you to Bermuda, Bahamas, I'm a pretty man. Right here, hold on. I can hear it. Here we go, baby. I feel like I know this song. We go down to Kokomo. Oh my God, it's John Stamos on the drums. But I have to say

[24:00]that if you really like a band, like Pearl Jam for a long time just didn't have an opener and they would just say, you know, you know, when nothing, doors open at six, we're coming on at 730 and we're playing 730 to 1030. We're playing three hours straight. And I think that's still the best thing possible. They might be at the long concert with no opener. Low opener. They might be giant. It's the same thing with their own opener. Pretty much. Yeah. Yeah. Just play a long set. Take a break in the middle. Take a half hour break in the middle. Who cares? Just go from there. Speaking of taking a break in the middle, let's play the rest of the voicemail.

[24:31]As well as in reference to the continued commentary on the Gord's Fish and Gin and Juice, I need to highlight my opinion, the king of Christmas concerts, Shiny Ribs, the lead singer of the Gord's. Check out his Christmas album, Kringle Christmas, and specifically a great song for Rob, Backdoor Santa, and shout out to another episode.

[25:03]The best Peanuts line song you're ever going to find. So that's it. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays to everybody. See ya. Thanks, Matt from New York. Listen, he agreed. He got lost in the sauce there, but he agreed that the Peanuts song was one of the best Christmas songs ever. Which, unfortunately, he is incorrect about that. But he took us, the lead singer of the Gord's, as a band now, called Shiny Ribs. And he has an album.

[25:30]What a great name. I want my Shiny Ribs. Shiny Ribs. Shiny Ribs. Shiny Ribs. I want my Shiny Ribs. Shiny Ribs. The Kringle. He has an album called The Kringle Tingle. Okay. Oh, wish I had known that three weeks ago. Well, yeah. That's, well, see, that's the thing. We might, this episode is a disaster. Indiana's Backdoor Santa. Let's listen to it. Let's listen to it. Oh, it's fast. Now, of course, one of the most famous things about Backdoor Santa

[26:00]is he only comes about once a year. Once a year. Okay, which is... That's got to be thunderous. Jeez. That is the path I am on right now. I'm pretty sure. I mean, it's kind of along the line of don't kiss your mom on your dad's birthday. Oh, yeah, that's it. That grossed me out editing that even. I didn't like it. Listen, that is it for the voicemail. Let's get into rolling. Going. Is this the part where you're going to start making jokes, Rob? It's time.

[26:30]Let's see. It's time we bring the energy. Listen, I can still make jokes when I'm quiet. I don't have to be loud to make jokes. Okay, well, let's go. Let's start it up then. Quiet jokes are still good jokes. Oh, that's funny. Listen, rolling going, Aaron, how's it going with you? It's going great. A couple of things I just want to write off. Matt and I both have birthdays coming up. Just mentioned that apropos of nothing. Second thing, I remembered another opener

[27:00]which is called Francis and the Lights and we saw them open for Chance the Rapper at the Greek Theater and then my brother ended up seeing them in like lacrosse or something. So he may want to call in and tell the rest of that story. But he like super liked them and then took a road trip to check them out. We'd never heard them before. Speaking of lacrosse, this, did you guys hear about the head? Of the college guy, the guy who runs a little bit but it was Wisconsin lacrosse diving in. He had to resign because he had a podcast.

[27:31]Kind of. You might say that. Well, lots of dirty jokes. No. Talk about his wiener all the time. A little bit different. He had a, the chancellor, the head of UW lacrosse, the college, right? Yep. Recently had to resign because they found out he had a YouTube channel and now he just had, now his face is all over this thing as I'm showing it. It is called Sexy Healthy Cooking. Now, let me tell you about this because this is one of the greatest YouTube channels

[28:00]I've ever heard of. Okay? And I think it was also like a Patreon or an OnlyFans or something like that where you could pay for it. OnlyFans? Yes. Yeah, yeah. Oatmeal. What's your song? Oatmeal. Oatmeal town. Cream of weed. I like cream of weed in a oatmeal town. It takes one small step in our life. Now. Let's sing it in quiet voice. We like cream of weed in a oatmeal town. It takes one small step in our life. Oh my God. My wife came out

[28:30]and said that was the most beautiful thing she's ever heard. She thanked me for doing the podcast. Hey, Rob, if you want to log into my OnlyFans account tonight, I'm going to be down at the Old Main watching Destinos in the nude. Oh. Holy shit. In the language lab. That gave me an elbow in the arm. Rob's laughing. Look at him. He's in trouble. He's in trouble. Aceto. Aceto. I put peanut butter. Anyway, here's the thing. By the way,

[29:01]Destinos, I had to watch it in college. I had already watched it in high school. Knew the whole fucking story. Cheated. My prior knowledge. Okay. That's how I got a B- in that class. So, this chancellor of lacrosse had a YouTube channel and it was called Sexy Healthy Cooking. Sexy Healthy Cooking. Where they would invite an adult film star, he and his wife, to come and cook a meal. That's kind of smart. And then, they would have a fuck fest

[29:30]and film. Where they would fuck and suck. Okay. And he would watch this guy go to town or this woman go to town on each other. So, you could watch them cook a meal because it's that classic thing of like, God, I love. It's for guys who love watching like cooking shows on TV but were like, I kind of wish they would fuck too. You know what I mean? Like you're watching like the Barefoot Contest. And you're like, I wish her and her husband would fucking suck. Yes. Dude, I watched every episode of all 20 seasons of Top Chef like three times through

[30:00]and I would probably go a fourth time through if that's what the alternate version was. The day's secret ingredient is you fuck each other. You'd be like, what? This rules. Russell, please pack your carving knife and go. We're on the page. These things are like 35 minute episodes or whatever. So, at the end of the episode is everybody naked and, doing it on the table or what's the deal? Well, and I might surprise you. I haven't watched all these videos. Okay, but let's check out You just made it two or three minutes. And then the next.

[30:31]So this person made sweet soy curl pizza. Now I got to say, let's just go back through this. Let's see, what meal would you want to have the most if you and your partner were going to have a fuck fest with somebody? Sweet soy curl pizza, pass, right? Cheese steaks. No, God, no. No, no vegan cheese before trying to, no. Oh, I know. This is all vegan stuff, Rob. It might be. Let's move it along. Yeah. Pork chops,

[31:01]sweet and smoky tempeh, tempeh, and then crab cakes. Oh, no. Crab cakes? I can't do imitation fish. I eat a lot of weird food, but I can't do imitation fish. Okay, so here he is. You know what? That crab cake looks pretty good. And then this, let's go right to the end. No reason why. Let's just see what happens. Oh, oh, oh, I, I, oh, okay. Rob, do you want to describe

[31:30]what just happened there in a louder voice? Riveting content. No, she is below the counter. Oh, now that I'm done with the appetizers, let's eat. Oh, my God. And that's how it ends. And then I assume you could pay to go see the, uh, fuck and suck. Okay, now I got to admit they didn't eat a lot of their crab cakes. Okay, if I, if I brought crab cakes to a thing where I knew that I was swinging with a couple and they didn't eat many, it would make it real hard for me to have an hours-long

[32:00]fuck fest with them. Aaron, what do you think? Uh, well, it's really going good with me. Aaron, let me ask you this. You're going to a fuck fest with your partner. I know, Aaron, you sicko want to bring this up. You're going to a fuck fest. You're swinging. What food are, you got to bring a food. It's a potluck. What are you bringing? Uh, lemonade. What? Lemonade? They say hydrated. Aaron, if you should, I don't care if it's a swingy thing or what. Do you think their potlucks are no good?

[32:30]Do you think they just, they think it's a joke? The potluck, you're bringing lemonade? I just think everyone else is going to, like there's, listen, there's going to be at least two containers of macaroni salad. There's probably some fried chicken. You got all that, you know, maybe some lemonade to keep everybody hydrated. Smokies. That's it. Yeah, it's all going to be there. If you're going to eat fried chicken, it might as well be a time where you have plastic sheets put down all over your house. You know what I mean? Like it doesn't matter what you touch. You're going to be fine. Russell, what do you bring into a swingy fuck fest? I got to think about it. Go to Matt. Matt,

[33:00]what do you think? I'll just bring a bag of Doritos and say I'm out and call it good. That's the guy who puts no effort into the potluck. It's the guy like, typically that's like this, like that was my role in like those types of things. I'm like, people would think it's weird if I showed up with like some like finely cooked meal. I'd show up with like the bag of chips and just throw it there and hope. Thanks for inviting me to your party. Yeah. Hope no one sees me do all the work. Yes. I'm going to say this, Cool Ranch Doritos I think would be a good for a fuck fest. Chili, those purple ones, the chili cheese. No, can't be bringing that. Yeah, it feels like you got to,

[33:30]I don't know. I think Dorito, like you don't want that Dorito dust in everything. I mean, there's probably some hand, I go, at what point do you, is there required hand washing after we eat? I don't know. This feels like a lot. First of all, okay, I'm going to fuck your wife. Don't tell me what to do. Okay, don't tell me I got to go wash my hands. Kill the vibe. All right. I would bring pigs in a blanket because it's all about comparison. It's like the Hobbit. You know what I mean? Like you hold that close. Set the standard high, right? Yeah. They'd be like, well, that's small.

[34:00]Anyway, all right. Well, crab cakes is the wrong answer. I can tell you that right now. Aaron, rolling going. How's it going with you? It's going great. I've got, I don't, I know, I don't want to, I really don't want to do this, but Aaron was going so fast to try to get through it and Rob still broke you down, Aaron. It's true. I have to really work hard. Like I get, I mean, I don't know if you guys actually listen to this. It's never more than five seconds before somebody jumps in. It's really, you think Aaron's going to bring up his brother's singing concert in lacrosse and I'm not going to bring up the fact that the chancellor not only has swings,

[34:30]makes a YouTube channel where they cook first. That is the best part. They're just like, man. So then what was the outcome? Is he still the chancellor? What happened? he had to resign. Oh, no. Oh, okay. Matt's deep into this now. He said something about if you do what you love every day, you never work a day in your life. yeah, well now he's sexually healthy food. You're no offense, but this podcast is going a little long. Let's speed it up a little bit. I don't understand. I've heard it said that you shouldn't tell people your goals because once you say your goals out loud,

[35:00]then it's like, it's like you've tricked yourself into thinking you've already achieved them. But, and I don't like New Year's resolutions, but I have three things I want to achieve in 2024. And I'm going to, I'm going to go ahead and say them out loud. Okay. And then you guys can hold me. You can hold me to them. So number one is there's a 9 a.m. Sunday basketball game here in my neighborhood. I want to jump into the basketball game at least once. Just once. Just once. At least once. Maybe, I mean, who knows? Maybe I'll become a regular after that. Aaron, the first time you go out there

[35:31]and show them your skills, they're, they're going to want you back all the time. I don't know. Let me, let me just give you one heads up. Aaron. Yeah. You should, if it's at nine, you should honestly go for like a jog about 830 around your neighbor, just a few blocks. Because that first time you have to like cut to let when you're guarding somebody and you haven't done that in a very long time. Good point. Look out. You're going to be stretching a lot of muscles you haven't stretched. I think it's already established Aaron is not injury prone, so he should be okay. So there's a theme to my goals

[36:01]and I'm concerned. Yeah. So the thing is, I'm saying this now so that in six months when I'm injured, you know, your goal shouldn't be is tending. That's a violation. That's good advice. Yeah, but I should have gone to the secret. Can you imagine if I could goaltend? I would, I mean, right. If I could goaltend, I'd do it all. I wouldn't, I'd be the most annoying. Technically grabbing the net. If you grab the net and alter the ball. Don't, don't try to grab the net. That would be considered goaltending. So if you just grab the net and the ball goes out,

[36:30]so the ball must be inside of the ring or off the backboard. So you got to wait till it's up there. Literally, they blow the whistle, start the game, Aaron immediately climbs the net and is like, pass it to me, pass it to me, alley-oop. I mean, if I could goaltend, I would be, I would never not do it. Like I'd be the most annoying pickup player ever. I just feel like, no, I wasn't a goaltend. And then like, what are people going to do? Like how long are they going to try to count the basket? Oh man, what a dream. Who wants to make vegetarian with lasagna with Mutombo? Second goal is,

[37:01]and then the last two goals are of a piece. One is to learn the running man and the other is to learn you don't know. Wait a minute. We will be in Vegas in two weeks. We'll be staying at the Link in Vegas January 18th through the 22nd. And we can do, we can, obviously we can teach you that. Yeah, I want to learn the running man and the Roger Rabbit because you guys know, you guys know I like to get on the dance floor, but I don't know any dances. Like I don't know any real dances. Yeah, you do. What's that, what's that one in, what's that European one that you were doing?

[37:30]The Hawken or whatever? What? Are you laughing at me? I'm laughing at both. What's the Hawken? Well, that thing where, you know, it's kind of that, that house music and you're kicking your legs out and kind of, you got the beat. That's kind of my usual, that's my usual kind of go-to move. I didn't know there was a name for it though. Yeah. Yeah, the Hawken dance right there. Yeah, let's see. Ready? Here you go. Oh. Well, that's, Oh no, Aaron's never done it. There you go, Aaron.

[38:00]That was Aaron last year on the dance floor. Man, I don't remember that. I did spill a vodka tonic on the floor as well. This is very aggressive. If Aaron, Yeah, look up to Hawken though, Aaron, before we go to. If I was Aaron's wife and I saw him dancing like that at a wedding, it would be immediate end of marriage. Well, you might have picked up on that. I just, so number one, I love to dance, but I don't know any real dances and then I just thought, well, number one, I'm going to be in Vegas with you guys, so I got to be ready and then secondly, like just in case I'm at some kind of function where there's dancing

[38:30]that breaks out, I want to be able to do something more interesting than my usual. So those are my goals for 2024. You know, Aaron, I can teach you a dance move in Vegas if you want. I've got two. Okay. I think we'll start with the grind and then we'll go to the bump. Advanced. I would also like to point out that during Aaron's thing, I stood up and did a perfect Roger Rabbit. You did? Okay. I know, it looked good. Yeah, so I'll show you in Vegas, Aaron. We got it. All right, I'm looking forward to it. We're going to work on it together. How's the room going with Matt?

[39:00]Good. I just got, I got a few, I got a few things to discuss this week. I got a few things to discuss this week. I got a few things to discuss this week. And nothing personal this week. I'm staying away from friendly encounters. I came across one sort of TikTok-y type thing. Oh, Rob. Let's pull up a song. Yes. It's a song I've been hearing on The Current, 89.3 The Current. And I think it's phenomenal. Song of the Week. Song of the Week. Song of the Week. Highlands is... Middle Kids. Middle Kids is the band? Middle Kids is the band.

[39:31]Highlands is the song. It was pretty good. I don't know. So here's the thing. Here's some random facts that I found on the interweb this week. And I want to just get your reaction to it. Oh, all right. David Bowie's elementary music teacher was Peter Frampton's dad. How about that? Oh, wow. So Peter Frampton, you know, obviously it makes sense that you're that good at music. You come from a musical family. But I thought that was pretty interesting. Do you know where he grew up or not?

[40:00]Where he grew up? Yeah. I don't. I don't know for sure if I knew Peter Frampton was British. Can you imagine? But you think he grew up overseas, is that right? Yeah. Oh, so he grew up about the same length from that city that Rob did in Cannon Falls. Cannon Falls. Sick. Sick that you would make that joke. Not a joke. Actually, that's the one that gets me yelling, probably. Bromley, United Kingdom. So what you're saying is... Super close to Rochester. Can you cut that?

[40:30]Get this right, Rob. So what you're saying is he grew up about the same distance from Cannon Falls that Rob did. Yeah. You know what? I'm not going to cut it. Why would I cut that? I stumbled on the first one. I'm not going to cut it. No. Can I tell you this? It would be so weird to be taught by Peter Frampton's dad because he'd be like... Welcome to class. I'm going to put a robot voice on this because I'm really good. Please sit down. We're going to get started. Do you feel? Well, well, well, well.

[41:00]Jim Morrison transferred to UCLA for film school before he kind of hit it big with the doors. And he used to play Monopoly all the time with Francis Ford Coppola. So Jim Morrison and Francis Ford Coppola were good buddies in college. You played Monopoly? Can you imagine how boring life was back then when you had to play Monopoly? Do you guys... Are you Monopoly families or not? No. Yeah, we play it a lot. It sucks balls. It's the worst game. We just... Listen, my son does not take to games yet. We just finally got some... We finished one game

[41:30]of Ticket to Ride recently that was like a miracle. So we're getting there. The kids version? Yeah, yeah. No, we didn't play... Yeah, the adult version. The adult, no way. Not yet. We've got... We're finally moving on from kids version. So like Clue, we got Clue this year for Christmas. So we're on a big Clue kick right now. But we've got so many games. Rob in the kitchen with his wife and a friend with some crab cakes. Yeah. I did get my nephews. One nephew, NFLopoly for kids. And then I got the other nephew, WWEopoly for kids. Oh, I like that. But again, Matt, what's the best part

[42:00]about those games? Uncle Russ gets those games. Uncle Russ doesn't have to play those games. That's right. That's so nasty. All right. Next fact. You exploit labor. Luther Vandross sang Back Up on Young Americans by David Bowie. That one I did know. Luther Vandross. You knew that one? I knew that because I learned that on the Heat Rocks podcast way back in the day. That one I did know. Alice Cooper was pen pals with Pablo Picasso. That's not that interesting, but just kind of weird that Alice Cooper and Pablo Picasso were buddies.

[42:30]What... Hey, Pablo, what key should I play this song in? C. C. Spanish. Feed my Frankenstein. I'm hungry for love and I'm... Hey, play Bust-a-Moo. Pablo, it's actually called Milwaukee. The bass line on Bust-a-Moo was done by Flea of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I think I knew that one. What a way. I had no idea. Wow.

[43:00]All right. Last fact I got. Fact I have for you and it... It blew my mind when I heard it then kind of made sense after I kind of came through it, but the Beatles, they broke up when they were all still in their 20s. The Beatles, the band, all of them were in their 20s, you know, late 20s, end of their 20s when they broke up. How about that? I get it, though. You spend so much time with people and pretty soon you're just sick of their shit. You know what I mean? Telling you what to do.

[43:30]Telling you how to act. Telling me to be quiet. They were together super young. Yeah. Like 16 on. So, those are my facts of the day. That's all I had for you. Russell, rolling, going. How's it going with you? Plus, there's that story where they all jacked off together. You know what I mean? Did you guys read that? Where they're like... Touched fingers. Oh, hello. Who's that? Peter Frampton's dad? What's that? Peter Frampton's dad? No. I heard that John brought Paul a burrito and then Ringo also brought Paul a burrito. Oh, the tough choice. And he decided who was going to be in the band. Pete Best also brought

[44:01]some curry from an Irish spot. Really a sliding doors moment. I mean, I could be in a place with a basement right now. Be as loud as I want. Coaching football. With Christmas cards that went out on time. Oh, don't even... Every time I walk by this bar, all the Christmas cards are right there. Just bring them to Vegas. Just bring them to Vegas. Yeah, we'll send them. I'll do that. No, no, no. Just for us. Just bring like four or five of them.

[44:30]Don't bring the whole box of them. I cannot look at your face when you look at... Because you're going to look at my kids and think if they're weird. I'm not doing that. I know what you're trying to do. I'm trying to see my weird kids. I'm rolling. Things are going well. I thought I'd share a few of my... As we're wrapping up the holiday season, a few of my holiday adventures. The first thing I wanted to share, you guys know I've been into espresso martinis. I've been into buying new records. I think I might be done with records. I might be out. Oh, no. Oh, no. What happened?

[45:00]Russell, who hurt you? You know who hurt me? The people who are selling used records, of Lauryn Hill and Madonna that are scratched and are essentially unusable. We were listening to Lauryn Hill. We put it on for the first time and there's this constant sound that is definitely not supposed to be part of the record. You try as hard as you can just to ignore it, get past it. You think maybe the next song it'll be good. Nope. You think the other side maybe it'll be better. Nope. And it's still listening.

[45:31]You can still listen to it, but it's just an absolute... Scratched up record. No good. When you go to listen to like an all-timer, you can't listen to like a damaged version of it, can you? Now, Russell, let me ask you, how mad are you at Aaron that he started you on this path? I started? You're so pissed at Aaron or what? I'd be furious. And then the same thing with the Madonna one. I'll send you a link to some watching stuff. You can try that once. One Friday night, we weren't doing the podcast

[46:00]and I went out with some friends. I watched like five records. It was a great night. Watched some basketball. Russell, look out. He's pulling you into the car. He's pulling you into the crevasse. He fell into the crevasse and your rope is still attached. You can still cut him and just let him drop it. But yeah, you can't do that. Like a little bit of a crackle is like kind of charming, but no, it's just like awful sound. That's no fun. So the multiple records kind of not working very well. We did some booze and vinyl this weekend. I opened up the books, went back and we made a version of an espresso martini. It's called a night train, which was on the...

[46:31]All aboard! Showtime at the Apollo or the live one. Is that right? A night at the Apollo. James Brown. So we put that on. We cranked that up. Didn't have the record. Just turn that switch from phono to Bluetooth. Yes. Let the record player play just like I had the record. I think the move with record players, don't bother with the records. Just turn it on the Bluetooth player. It looks like it's coming out of a record player. It's just as good. I love the idea of you just putting it on Bluetooth and faking like it's a record. It's just like

[47:00]when you see somebody with fake breasts and you're like, those are great. I love it. They're perfect. They're perfect. The sound quality is not lossless at all. No one that comes to this house is ever going to know the difference. Yeah, I mean, you should listen to music however it pleases you. I'm not here to tell anybody how to consume your music. I just, I had my first real bummer moment with record. It'd be one thing if it was like the $2 chipmunk record I bought if that didn't work well, but when it's one of the all-time greats,

[47:30]if it's the one on the list and that doesn't work, that's like a swift kick in the nuts. Hey, Russell, I cannot give you a link to a Bluetooth cleaner because they don't exist because they just work. Okay? Because we are in 2024. Oh, yeah, Bluetooth works great. Yeah. America's most reliable technology, the Bluetooth. Hey, I booked this submarine ride. You guys won't believe how they control it. Okay? I haven't heard back from them now that I think about it. The other thing, so we, I also, we were making some cocktails and listening to booze and vinyl.

[48:00]On New Year's Eve, we went out to a restaurant. We did kind of like a tasting menu, like a 10-course menu, a nice restaurant, really fun and everything. We get there and I have realized the most important thing at a restaurant is your server. That is a thousand times more important than the food or anything else. If you get some weirdo or some guy who's kind of half in the game, not really doing his job, chatting up the table next to you for like 15 minutes while you're not getting what you're supposed to, you can't get past it,

[48:30]can you? No. Especially if it takes a long time to get your first order or whatever. It's weird how you can go out to a restaurant with someone who you love talking with and typically have a nice easy time, but if you're at the table waiting for service, all of a sudden it's like you can't think of anything else to talk about. It wrecks the whole vibe. It's like you're at the airport. It just puts you in a pissed off mood. But I gotta say, Russell, one thing I hate is when I'm out with people who are just friends of ours and they'll complain about the service. And I'm like, we can't do that in a group setting. We all just gotta act

[49:00]like this is fine. You gotta go with it. You gotta go with it because it ruins your whole night, right? I think as a couple it brings you together and makes you strong, but in a group of people you gotta shut up about the service. Rob rolling going, I was like going with you. Listen, I gotta talk to you about something, okay? Because this is the same thing. I'm gonna go with the restaurant thing too, Russell. Went back to Minnesota. My kid's birthday, December 26th. Where's the one place she wants to go eat? Fucking noodles.

[49:30]First of all, finding the noodles that still exists is like, it's almost, it's like finding a fossil. Is there still one at Seven Corners there right at 94 and Cedar and 35 where it all comes together? I have no idea what you're talking about. I was driving around somewhere. There's a couple and there's two. There's a 76 in Lindale right off of 35 and 494. Yeah, there's also one right at Xerxes and 66. That's the one we always go to. I feel like I was in a town where I've heard of it, but I've never actually been in it, like Egan.

[50:00]You know, like I've heard of Egan. I hear about Egan all the time. And I found myself in Egan. I was there this morning. It's like the eighth biggest, you know, it's pretty close to Cannon Falls. Egan, the town where they were like, hey, all our roads should just be curved. What is going on with all these curved roads? Every fucking road is curved. It's annoying. Just make a straight road, Egan. Well, anyway, I went to noodles. Okay? And I can tell you. Well, that's the thing. We walked in. My kid is so excited to be at noodles. I already know. Not good. This is not going to be good. Like, you just sense it. When you walk in

[50:30]and the two workers are just standing at the table, like the desk at the front and facing each other and nobody's in the kitchen, you're like, so I was like, I'll have the buffalo mac and cheese. And they go, the chicken is going to take 15 minutes to cook. And it does not. Yeah. Yeah. I know what that's code for. You don't want to get out the chicken and cook it. And if you do, bad things are going to happen. So I said, okay, we'll just take regular mac and cheeses, right? So we got three regular mac and cheeses. I would say from the beginning of my life to now,

[51:00]if you took every meal that I've ever had, this one would be exactly in the middle. Yes. That's a good thing. Yeah. Great. That's what you should expect. No. From noodles. It's terrible. I'm just sitting there eating like macaroni and cheese where it's really not that good. You know, did you see how they make it? They literally pour in some noodles into something. They flash like heated up or whatever. And then they just dump a pile of cheese on top of it and it all melts. It's like,

[51:30]it is because Eddie loves noodles, mac and cheese. So we go there fairly often and I watch how they make it. It is the simplest thing in the world. I mean, they used to have the bread that I could dip in, but with no protein, I was just like, and you know what the best part of that whole time was? The soda machine. I got to freestyle it up. Okay. I was like Terminator X back there mixing it up. I was like, oh yeah, you want cream soda with vanilla? Like that's it. Hey, you're going crazy.

[52:00]You're getting like the Gatorades with like different flavors in it. You're like, hell yeah. The Powerades, you're like, hell yeah. Did any of your daughters, tell you that was an apple juice or not? No, my kids, of course, immediately got full sugar, like sodas with like all the, with no flavor in it. They were like, I'll just have plain Diet Coke. I was like, are you serious? You're going to plain Diet Coke at a freestyle mix machine? You can put any flavor. You can put orange. You can put ginger. They're like, I don't want that. I was like, it doesn't, of course we don't want that. It doesn't exist.

[52:30]That's why you can't get Diet Coke with ginger. It sucks. And you know the real key to that, get it. You don't like it. You pour that shit out and you make another one. Make another one. Yeah. Yeah, of course. Hey, Coca-Cola, sorry, you won't make a billion dollars this year. You'll make only 999 million. Like I'm pouring this shit out, making another one. I'm using light ice. I don't even, I don't give a shit anymore. Okay. I'm letting it go. But I mean, it's your daughter's birthday. She wanted to go there. Was she okay with it? With the meal? Did she have a good time? Yeah, of course she was. Yeah.

[53:00]There you go. And then we immediately went to a trampoline place. Okay. Which after you drank about three free cell cokes. I should have done that in a different order. One of the worst decisions and then your kid watching you miss a dunk on a trampoline basketball and they just think about like what their dad, how their dad's just a huge loser. You know, 12 year old, they're dunking it. I'm struggling. Embarrassing. You know, that mac and cheese rumbling around in there. Terrible, man. That's wrong. Which one did you go to, Rob? Which one did you go to? I don't know. It's one of those that start with an E. I don't know.

[53:30]I'm curious though. I have guesses on this. I feel like, if the three of you guys each took your kids to one of these things for a birthday party, Aaron's going out there, he wouldn't be able to help himself. Rob's going out there, he wouldn't be able to help himself. Part of me thinks Matt would just let the kids go do it and like, go like set his fantasy football lineup and have a beer at the place next door and then come back and get them. Yeah, I've been to one trampoline party and I was the only parent participating. Of our group. There were other parents out there, but of the group I was with, I was the only one. Yeah, Aaron was like,

[54:00]hey, can I keep your socks at the end? I did keep the socks. Oh, not the women's socks. I kept my own socks. Rock and jump gives you a pair of socks. I put the socks on with the high grip and I took a step. I almost blew up my knee on the first step. I was like, Matt, do you go on the tramp or not? No, I'll throw the football. I'll make sure everybody's playing everything, some patico while they're going because I think that those things can get a little heated sometimes, but no, I just let the kids do it. Oh man, I love trampolines. Russell,

[54:30]now of course, I immediately, I went to the, the thing you can flip into, right? Big bounce, ready to do a big flip. Like I'm telling the kids, hey, watch this. Here comes a flip because they can't flip and I can. Okay, because it might surprise you. I had a trampoline in my backyard growing up. Pretty much whatever we wanted, I had it. So I went, I jumped and I was going to jump down and do a big flip and I jumped right on the edge of the trampoline which gave me no bounce whatsoever and I immediately just fell into the pit. Oh, like straight ahead but I only went like six inches

[55:00]and I was like, oh. And I, I had to be like, oh no. And then the next time I got up and I actually did a little flip and the crowd cheered for me. That's how bad it was. Like that's how bad my first one was. They were, yeah, of course I did Aaron. I'm a world-class athlete. Okay, flipping into the thing. These little kids, the only thing was all these little kids didn't understand the concept of a line. So there's a couple times where I was like, I'm going to squash one of these kids who runs out in front of me but oh well, that's how you learned. Rob, you've probably been to this enough so you'd know but if I were to go to that, my initial impression would be these are built for kids.

[55:30]It's not built to support me. Something's going to break. You're a bigger guy. Like, like is it, is it very stable or are you ever worried like something's going down here or no? It's a freestyle Coke machine rules, Russell. I don't give a shit what happens. All right, they're going to have to deal with it. I'll do whatever I want. They can fix their own fucking trampolines. I will say though, this one had a cover over the foam pit. So it was soft like a foam pit but you didn't get that classic experience where you sink down in the foam pit and then you realize the foam on the bottom is moist

[56:00]and it makes you think about a lot of choices. Oh, that's almost every foam pit. I go to the bottom and it's like, just like damp but it's also cold. It's like a damp, a cold damp. You're like, oh God, I definitely just got like some weird, you know, disease that, and of course you guys know my stance on vaccination so I'm definitely going to get it. So anyway, that was mine. One other question about this, this is what your daughter picked. Part of me thinks this is what you like forced her to pick. Is that right or not? Can I just tell you this? Yes. The reason she picked it, okay,

[56:30]this is how sweet my kid is, is because all of her cousins were there and they're all like, I'm going to edit in their actual ages later when I figure it out. They're like three to, two to, nine to 15. I'm not quite sure. It's somewhere around there and she wanted something that everybody could do so she picked a birthday party that everybody could do. So, very sweet except for the noodles part which is just me stuck. The only good part was, you know what soda Jenny wanted me to get from noodles? Caffeine-free Diet Coke

[57:00]with cherry in it. I was like, I feel like fucking Don Quixote like looking around for a caffeine-free Diet Coke with cherry in it. Guess what? Fucking mixed free style, no problem. Yeah. If they don't sell that shit at a regular gas station, I'm not finding it. No. And I'll tell you, my kid was like, I was like, I'll take three sodas. She's like, no, we need one for mom. I was like, shut the fuck up. I was like, you think I'm not going to bring mine to mom? Are you crazy right now?

[57:30]Okay, luckily the guys back there did not seem to care. They seem to be very, very odd. Which is hard to blame on. I got to say, if I worked at a noodles, getting super stoned before a shift, I'm perfect. What would you rather work at? A noodles or a Papa Murphy's? Where you got to make the pizzas. But Papa Murphy's, nobody's eating in there, are they? I don't think so. It's all take and bake, right? So I don't know, you don't get the pleasure of it. Maybe, you're a former pizza guy. What would you choose?

[58:00]I'd probably go pizza. You know what would be the hardest, I think, to work at? Would be Chipotle. Is he just a little piece of pork that's on the side? Just a little snack for Rob. Like, nobody's going to mind, right? If I just take it and give myself a little snack. You know what the real hard thing is? It's busy as shit in there all the time. They've always got a line. You've got to work the whole time. When do you even have time to snack? If you're a 17-year-old kid and you walk in and you're like, okay, actually, there's a Chipotle right next to the noodles in Ridgefield, Rob. About $35 and $494. You get off

[58:30]and you go, get off on Lindale, go around, you've got to go into the big, you don't go in by Best Buy, you take a right into that other strip mall. Yep. Don't go down by the, don't go down by the townhouses, though. You've got to turn, you've got to keep hugging right. And it's a one-way through that parking lot, too. Guys, I already did my bit about Egan and the curved roads. That's the best map bit we're going to get today. And it made me sick to even do that. But they're both right there. And like, what teenager walks into one and just watches for a minute as like thousands of people

[59:00]are going through that Chipotle every hour. And then you walk into the noodles and company, it's like maybe four people come in a day, right? It would be so much easier to work at, work at noodles, wouldn't it? I would think so, right? Oh, 100%. That's, that was like, when I was in high school, we, everybody worked at the Mayo Clinic, right, in Rochester, close to Cannon Falls, you might know about it. Everyone was like getting jobs as like assistants where they were like typing or just like, fucking around. You know what my mom told me I should put on the application? What's that?

[59:30]I can lift heavy things. That was the last time I have ever mentioned that in a job application. Because you might guess, did my job suck balls? Yes, it did. All my friends were like, oh, I get to do this and I see this and I'm like, oh, I'm downstairs sweating my ass off. This sucks. The only comeback to that, Russell, is that if you're going in for like a four hour shift, right, when you're in high school or whatever, like if you're working at Chipotle, that thing flies. It's like in and out. It's four hours, you're done. But if you're sitting

[60:00]at a place just watching the clock and you have to be there until eight o'clock kind of a thing and you're not doing anything, you're supposed to be cleaning up in the back or like sweeping the floors or whatever, nobody wants to do all that stuff. That just drags on. So I would take the busy one. Russell, of course, Chipotle, publicly traded company worth billions of dollars. So I'm sure that they let the workers keep tips, right? I'm sure they know how to make a decent queso dip too, right? Nope, I guess they don't. Oh, Russell, going in, I'm trying to say

[60:30]that you get tips and Russell's like, fix your queso, you fucking piece of shit. Russell, I've got a YouTube channel where I think they make some queso and I think you're going to love this. It's vegan queso. Make it out of cashews. Yeah. Aaron, don't say stuff like that. You're the caffeine free diet coke of the podcast. I didn't want to say that, but I am. Is this a karaoke podcast? Because I feel like we're about to listen to a karaoke album. Yeah, no kidding. No kidding. All right, let's talk about the album. Listen, we are talking about we are talking about

[61:01]Every Picture Tells a Story, Rod Stewart. Okay. This is his third solo album. This is 1970. No, 1971. Sorry. This is 1971. It's his third solo album. This is his big breakthrough in the US. Okay. This gets him with the number one hit with Maggie Mae and just kind of puts him in the US like consciousness until currently. I looked on YouTube. If you go to his videos, he is still doing concerts. You can go see a Rod Stewart concert like next week. It's crazy.

[61:30]He was with Jeff Beck before this and joined the band called The Faces with Ronnie Woods. While he was in The Faces, he also was releasing solo albums at the same time. Okay. And Ronnie Woods is featured on this. He kind of just like was putting out albums and songs, which is kind of like classic Rod Stewart stuff where it just seems like he seems to just love putting out albums. It's like his favorite thing to do. He's put out, I'm going to show you his album list later. He's put out a bazillion of them. This is a great album, great mix, great singing voice,

[62:01]but it is everything I think of Rod Stewart where it is banger. I normally don't editorialize during this part, but it is a banger and then it is some of the corniest music I've ever heard. And then it'll come back with a banger and then it's immediately corny and he just, guys, Rod Stewart is like 25 when he makes this album. He does not need to be singing Amazing Grace. This is 71. It hits number one in the US. He then gets, listen to this. He has an album, 1976, it's number two. 77, it's number two. 78,

[62:30]it's number one. 1980, it's 12. He is all the way through and then he starts putting out these great American songbook albums. 2002, it hits number four. 2003, it's number two. Like he has just had continuous success forever and ever. He's one of the top selling artists of all time in between Bon Jovi and above the Bee Gees. So let's get into his big album that made him a big deal. Every Picture Tells a Story and Aaron, you know that when I'm starting this late at night, you know how I like to start, don't you? With a...

[63:00]Some people might start with some talking or some caffeine-free Diet Coke. I'm going to start... You're going straight to the titular track. Titular track. Ah, right from the start. Now, I'm going to say this. Is this the song I played at my guitar recital that I had when I was 40 years old? Yes, it is. Did I look today for hours to try to find a video of me playing this in a church with my Vikings jersey on? Rob, I can see why you'd play this. I think this is

[63:30]one of my favorite starts to an album ever. It's got kind of that slow start. It has the false ending right off the bat and then just crashes and it's just a jam. It's so good. Good opening track. Ronnie Woods, of course, from Rolling Stones with a 12-string guitar. According to Rod Stewart, he found the mandolin player and the violin player on this album in a restaurant and was like, hey, do you want to be on this album? Can you imagine if you're playing mandolin in a restaurant and next thing you know you're on Maggie Mae? That's mind-blowing.

[64:01]Now, I will say this. In my family, probably the most famous picture of all time, there's three contenders. Number one, there's the one of me eating eggs with my mom being mad at me. We've all heard about that. Number two, there's the one where my dad is pretending to push my mom over Niagara Falls. Okay, where we got that made into playing cards. Number three, it's probably the holiday picture we took where I was choking my sister

[64:30]and the other one was punching me and we sent that out where it said happy holidays from Ron. I got my name wrong on it. It just said Ron. What's the most famous picture in your family? You know, my wife's a photographer so we get 17 pictures a day sometimes, you know. So, I don't know. We do this thing on our steps every year. We're at the cabin. We've done it since the kids were, you know, zero and three,

[65:00]if you will. And we've done it all the way up until, you know, I don't know, so there's 10 pictures now, eight pictures, something like that. So, that's probably the most famous recent ones is just that compilation of the family growing up. I love that. I love that, man. I love a good... The only... Yeah, the only... It's so funny though because... Wait, did you call on me? Yeah, but I didn't change my mind. It's so funny though because we have so many pictures of the kids when they're younger and now that they're in middle school, we have like two.

[65:30]We're like, we're kind of done with you guys. Like enough pictures. We're good. Yeah, we don't have enough pictures of the three of us for sure. For me growing up, the one I can remember is there's one where we had like we were all dressed up to do the family photos of the kids and then my brother leans over to give me a hug and my sister is there like looking like why won't someone give me a hug? Yeah, I mean, so that's the famous one of me growing up that I can remember. I think the most famous picture of you is in your Walmart vest. That's the one I think of. I mean, I'm happy to send that out

[66:00]any time. Yep, love that one. I have one. It's actually, it's probably, I'm probably about 10. My sister's probably five. My brother's probably seven. We're all sitting in a, if you guys can see in there, we're sitting in a paddle boat up at the lake. So we did like a paddle boat. We're all in the paddle boat and my sister actually got this for me when she got married and it's a picture of the three of us. It was a gift. It says, forever, and then it's my last name. So that was a gift for my sister. So I think that's kind of the picture.

[66:30]Yeah, that's nice. I love that picture too, Russell, because it was back when kids were like, hey, guess what? You're going to wear a life jacket. It's pretty much going to not let you do anything you want to do. This thing is going to be gigantic. Looks like he got off the Lusitania. The other thing you guys were talking about pictures, I was going to share something I did, which was probably the coolest thing I've done as a holiday gift in a long time. I don't know if I told you guys I did this, but I probably a few years ago, I got the old cassette tapes from my mom's house. Have we talked about this or not? Like VHS tapes?

[67:01]Like the camcorder tapes, the little camcorder ones. Yeah, okay. And so I went and I finally went to this place. I called this guy in Bloomington that's got this shop. It was called like Video Transfer or something. It's like just this single, you walk in, it's kind of this weird office and everything. Got all of our old videos, home videos, transferred to digital and then gave them as a gift to my mom, my sister and brother. And the way we gave them as a gift is I put them in a popcorn box.

[67:30]So I put the zip drive in a popcorn box. So they open the pop and it's like, I got you a gift and immediately my sister's like, I didn't want any gifts. Why'd you get me gifts? I'm like, you need this gift. She opens it. It's a box of popcorn and she's just looking at me like, what the fuck is wrong with you? And I'm like, you got to look in there and she pulls out the zip drive. She's like, what is this? But it ended up being a really popular gift. Like you start watching old videos, and it's hard to turn those things off. So fun. Were there any appearances by the bad boys? There was an appearance

[68:01]by the bad boys and that stayed on there. But Aaron, I have to let you know, I did do a quick spot check of all 56 videos to make sure that there was not one of you wearing nothing but pudding in those recordings. I appreciate that. Yeah, thank you. So I did do a quick spot check of 58 videos to make sure that was not in there. And it was not, so I don't know where that happened. I heard the chancellor of the University of Wisconsin River Falls as it might be posting it, but I do not have it anymore. There's a video of that and then it cuts to Russell

[68:30]and they're like, oh, wow, he just goaltended. Russell filmed over his only goaltend he ever had. Just devastated. Actually, I was showing the upstairs roommate. I was kind of, you know, going through them quick and I was showing her, hey, these are some of the videos we were watching for a minute or so. And one of the first ones I pulled up, I was like in wrestling as a kid, like eight, nine years old. And I was just, I was, I was just piss pounding this guy, just crushing him. And you know,

[69:00]and you watch yourself and I was like, damn, I was a little more, a little more coordinated better than I thought I would be at that age or whatever. I was like, man, I bet there's a bunch of good ones in there. And the next one, I just got my ass whooped. Like I got pinned in like eight seconds, just destroyed. So if you guys ever do find those old videos, you might want to find one good one and then just let that be your memory. Listen, Russell, I think just like that, like, you know, she obviously wants to have sex with you after watching you just pound the piss out of

[69:30]some kid in wrestling and then that goes away after watching you get beat. Yeah. Can you imagine my wife's disappointment seeing me at a trampoline park just bouncing up and down? She'd just be like, this is the least horny thing I've ever seen in my life. It was like the Mirena ring in person. You know what I mean? It was like a live, it was like a live vasectomy is really what it was. Can you imagine the shit the video transfer guy has seen? Like you just go in there and he's just like, I mean, if you just, you're coming across

[70:00]this online and you're like, okay, this guy's got to be a weirdo, right? And, but maybe I'm just making, maybe I'm being judgmental, but I was like, he's probably got a good business. If you get one or two people that come in a week and they're like, Hey, here's my 50 videos. I mean, it's not cheap, but it also is a fair price. And so, but I kind of walked in there and like, you know, it's, you know, he's got the, one little office up front and then there's the back room with everything. And you're, you want to be like, what the fuck is in that back room? Right. Yeah.

[70:30]And when I did pick up the stuff, he did a great job. I should find the name and give it as a recommendation because he did a great job. But the, the thing that was a little weird was when I went to pick it up, it was right before the holidays, he gave it to me and everything and offered to carry all the other bags of the videos out. I was like, no, it's good. It's all good. And he goes, he put it in a popcorn box and wanted you to watch it with him in every, you know, ask him like if he was up to anything for the holidays and he goes, nope, just making some videos back here. And I was like, what does he mean by

[71:00]that? What's he building in there? Making some videos. And now I just got to say this. I kind of had the equivalent growing up where my friend and I were at a scuba diving lesson and it was he and I, and then it was some guy we didn't know, right? The guy he, we didn't know brought a film camera. Now, when you're around me, when I'm 18, 17, 18 years old, bringing a film camera and then scuba diving underwater for a long period of time is a huge blunder. I could not think of a

[71:30]bigger mistake. So of course my friend and I built, I would say a five foot long sand penis and then took multiple photos of us lying next to it as if it was our own penis. Okay. I'll give the recommendation just in case anyone else wants to go do that. They've got old videos they want to transfer. It is video movie transfer off 8,400 Lindale in Bloomington. The guy did a great job. If anyone wants to do it, they should go check that. Call that guy. He'll do a great job for you. And that's not a paid advertisement. Russell takes no money

[72:01]for this. Well, I mean, he did give me a service in that back room with the popcorn box here and that's making some videos. Get it, Rob, the popcorn box. Remember? I don't know what you're talking about. Jenny would be like, I'm full of popcorn. Actually, you know who that would work for is the guy from lacrosse. I bet they didn't love that popcorn trick. A little old dinner in a movie and then hardcore fucking. Listen, seems like a long time. Now, we're not at the point in the list where I

[72:30]looked up the song in a number of places. There was literally zero red spot. I enjoyed this one too. I thought it kind of a little change of pace from the first song. Some of these aren't my favorite songs, but there's a lot of my really enjoyed. Well, here's the thing, Russell's, you know how many songs Rod Stewart wrote on this album? Probably one or two at the most. Three. Yeah. Every picture tells a story. Maggie Mae and Mandolin Wind. Three absolute bangers. He should be writing

[73:00]all the songs on his album. He's great. I just don't think he can make enough or something. I don't know what it is. And then at the end of That's Alright, he has this. This is what I'm talking about. Like, this is what I'm talking about. Why is he doing this? Why is he playing Amazing Grace at the end of that song? Because he's doing an Elvis thing. He did That's Alright and then he's doing he's like, I'll do all the Elvis things. Same way Elvis did it. Bro. I mean, I don't want to hear it. I heard the first two songs and thought this was

[73:30]going to be on par for a super rolling bone, like top 30 for me and then the Elvis cover, whatever that one kind of, I don't know. No, it's too much. Tomorrow, oh, that's, oh, I didn't, yeah, I didn't play the first part, did I? That's okay. We don't, no one needs to hear Rod Stewart do That's Alright. To me, this is the most famous version of That's Alright. That's a joke, right? This is like when you get the cheaper wedding band and they're like, we'll play That's Alright and they're like, all right, the Rod Stewart version. Well, that's what,

[74:00]I mean, they sound like the world's greatest wedding or bar band. If you heard this entire album start to front in a bar at, you know, 500, you know, another 200 people in there at the most, like, yeah, then it'd be awesome. And speaking of covers, a Dylan song here, Tomorrow is Such a Long Time. I gotta say, I kind of like Rod Stewart doing Bob Dylan. He sounds old. He sounds like he's 75 years old in this song. I tell you what,

[74:30]there's a new Cat Powers. I think Cat Powers is a Minnesota artist. Chan Marshall. Cat Powers. Click up Cat Powers like a Rolling Stone quick, Rob, since we got time. Would you? Cat Powers. Great version of Sea of Love, too. Cat Powers. She's putting out a, a Dylan, tribute from 1966. So, yeah, we'll go halfway in. Is Cat Power from Minnesota? I don't think so.

[75:00]Matt, would you say this is one of the best Bob Dylan covers of all time? I don't know. She's from Edwin. Well, maybe we should start the list of the greatest Bob Dylan covers ever with Cat Powers. We've got a list tonight of the greatest Bob Dylan covers. So, you, you plan to do a list on the best, and I, and I, we just happen to blend up. I'm gonna do it perfectly with some Cat Powers. Wow. Wow. So,

[75:30]Cat Powers is on 89.3 The Current a lot with this song now, and it's wonderful. It's great. Christ. Oh. So, we have, before we get to the first one, we have some honorable mentions that we have to touch on. We've already talked Jimi Hendrix, so all along the Watchtower is not on the list, even though it's clearly number one, right? Yeah, by far. We've heard I Shall Be Released by the band. If you guys remember that one. Oh, yeah. We've heard Mama You've Been On My Mind by Jeff Buckley, I believe. Yeah, yeah. We've heard PJ Harvey, Highway 61 Revisited.

[76:01]Oh, yeah. We've heard The Man In Me by The Clash, I believe. We've also talked about Mr. Tambourine Man by The Birds. Remember that jangle guitar we talked about a few months back? jangle guitar. And then I have a special shout out to Pearl Jam who covered the song Masters of War. Oh. Interesting. I don't know if I've heard that one. I'm your Masters of War. I could hear Eddie doing that one. All right. First song on the list from 1987. This was originally written for the Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid soundtrack.

[76:31]It's Guns N' Roses Knockin' on Heaven's Door. What a great song. Yeah. A great version of the song. God, this is such a good version. This was on the B side of Welcome to the Jungle on the 45. How epic of a record is that? Get him excited and slow it down. The live one is fun too. There was a lot. Did you do it at

[77:00]probably now wouldn't hold up because they do like a live album. Was that on Rob? Throwing copper? I think it was the Dolphins Lament. Oh. You'll have that in your head till the day you die. Recorded close to Rochester. All right. Next up on the list is from 1965. Dylan recorded the song. He did the original in 64. This is Johnny Cash and June Carter. It ain't me, babe. I love this.

[77:34]Kind of rowdy. I like it. I was reading Johnny Cash would carry a portable record player on tour with him in the 60s so he could listen to the freewheeling Bob Dylan before and after every concert. Wow. If you guys could make one record with you, if you were like a musician and you were going to get

[78:00]the one album to inspire you before and after every performance, what would you pick? This is embarrassing, but I've done this back when I took myself really seriously about singing. I did Willie Nelson Redhead is Stranger before I would. Nice. Oh, so you would like sit in the corner and listen to that album and be like ready to sing. Yep. I used to listen to Metallica Hero of the Day before tests in college. Yes, I remember that. That's great.

[78:31]What a great song. Russell was a great situational DJ in college. Sunday mornings, easy like Sunday morning. Yeah. If you came back mad, Russell would have the song for you. If you're happy, he'd have it for you. What if you came in and the chancellor and his wife were in your dorm room? I got the perfect song. Bye bye, Miss American Pie. The bump is like this. The grind is like this. Oh, yeah. Oh, geez. Oh, great. That's an important part

[79:01]of the grind. You have to say you're grinding. I'm grinding. I'm grinding right now. I'm grinding so hard. All right. Next up on the list. This one might be the one that's a little off the wall. We'll see if you guys know anything about it. The group is called Brothers and Sisters. The song is The Mighty Quinn. Listen to this one. God, I love this song. The Mighty Quinn. The Eskimo. Daddy. Oh, I tell you gonna want to know every moment. Great cover, too, Russell. Great find. This is fucking incredible.

[79:32]Where did you find this? This is a group assembled by Lou Adler to cover. They did a cover of all Dylan's hits. It was called Dylan's Gospel. My God. And the star of the album. So good. Let's see if you guys remember the name. The star singer there is Mary Clayton. You guys remember her? Yeah. Mary Jane Clayton. Yes. Where was she? Where was she on? Give Me Shelter. She had Give Me Shelter. It was like one of the probably the most famous backing vocal ever, right? Yeah. What is that album? What is that album called?

[80:00]I got to write that down. You guys checked this out. I believe it's called Dylan's Gospel. That was awesome. And there is a bunch of them that she does a version of all along the Watchtower. There's a ton of good songs on it. You guys should all check that out. It's fantastic. That's different than the one I got. I went to the discount record place, Russell, where Dylan only sings songs. It's from Godspell, the musical. And it's called Dylan's Godspell. It wasn't as good. Oof. Next up on the list. Two people that listen

[80:30]to our podcast and like Godspell. Next up on the list. This is the first time I've ever done it. There's two versions, two different versions of the same song. So two songs. The song is called before you play it, Rob. The song is called Make You Feel My Love. And so what I thought we could do is a Make You Feel My Love off. We're going to do a Make You Feel My Love off between the two and see which one to make Rob feel their love. Oh, I thought it was a contest between us. All right. So first up, Rob, can Garth Brooks make you feel his love

[81:00]all day? Well, you know I'm a bigger fan of, really. There's no, I've not heard the next one, but you can't top this. No way. You might be in for a rude awakening here. Yeah, you might be. There's a, there's a pretty famous one that I'm guessing you're going to. Oh, yeah. And you're right. You're right. What if a 90s, what if a 90s singer by the name of Chris Gaines did this song? Would you like it then? Man, I'm going to have an egg on my face. There's,

[81:30]there's three of them. There's three of them. There's a few of them. The one that I, we're going to do with the second one. Matt, we can pull up your third if you want, but I believe there's Billy Joel, there's Neil Diamond, there's a bunch of them. The one that I wanted to see if Rob could feel this person's love was Adeo. Adeo. Adeo. Okay, yeah. I stand corrected. I was going to go Billy Joel. I like, I didn't, Billy Joel is right after Adeo. He would make you feel his love? I go Adeo, Billy Joel, and then Chris Gaines. Boy.

[82:00]You know, guys, Adeo's a good singer. I got to say, it's Garth Brooks. I love that Garth Brooks version. I think he's so good. Just because his face looks like he got hit with a, like a shovel, you know, or his face is wider than you think. Like, can you imagine Garth Brooks going to a cowboy hat store? They'd just be like, phew, a damn. They'd probably keep a Garth Brooks size at every cowboy hat store just in case. Just like, where's Garth Brooks size? That's it. 20 gallon. There's still one song on the list, but I wanted to touch on one quick thing. Earlier, Rob was talking about

[82:30]how Rod Stewart's made all these albums, right? And I think he's had seven number one albums and he released an album, I think in 2021, that he was hoping would hit number one. Turns out he released it the same week as Adeo's 30. And he pretty much just said, I made the biggest mistake ever releasing that anywhere close to Adele. So, fucking Rod Stewart. I guess last song on the list is from 1966. It's Matt's favorite band, them. Who?

[83:00]Them. Yes, but who's the band? I go by, I go by he, his. Who? The song is it's all over now, baby blue. Yes. This is a Van Morrison too, right? It is Van Morrison. It sounds like Van, okay. And that sound sounds familiar too,

[83:30]doesn't it? Oh boy. Yeah. You guys recognize that? It is sampled by one of our favorites Beck on Over Delay. That's from jazz. I was going to say that. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Yeah. So when it comes to being inspired by bands who covered Bob Dylan, who did it better. Beck did it better. Russell, you did better with that list. That's incredible. That's a good one. That's a great list. We're going to repeat that first one.

[84:00]Brothers and sisters, Dylan's gospel. Go find that one. Oh yeah. Guys, go buy it at your record store. It's guaranteed to be nice. Listen, now we get into his number one hit and you might say, Hey, I really hope this starts with a mandolin part, but I'll tell you what's going on here. On the English version, this was a separate song called Henry that leads into Maggie Mae. Maggie Mae is his first

[84:30]of three number one singles ever. The last, this is in 1970. The last one, 1978 with If You Think I'm Sexy. Or no, that was like 80. Crazy. But here, let's get right into Maggie Mae. This is so good. But see, it's such classic Rod Stewart. Banger, but it starts with a mandolin solo where you're like, I do not recall this part of the song at all. We did talk about this. We did talk about

[85:00]the mandolin on Hank Williams' 40 Greatest Hits. I have zero recollection of that. We talked about the Godfather theme song which had a mandolin. Rod Stewart, Maggie Mae, Steve Earle, Galway Girl, a great song. Love that song. The Dropkick Murphy's Rose Tattoo. Yeah, I do remember that. Paul McCartney, Dance Tonight. Those were the greatest mandolin songs. Man, Russell. And again, he got this mandolin player in a restaurant

[85:30]and then they played on Maggie Mae like the all-time mandolin song. You might say, Rod, you got one mandolin song. There's no way you could put another mandolin song on the album. Well, guess what? Eat shit because now he made Mandolin Wind. Do you guys all love that song? Is it too poppy? You guys don't like it? It seems like an epic, amazing song, right? Oh, it's a great song. It's an all-timer. Matt? It's obviously a great song, but it's just never, I wouldn't like

[86:00]just put it on a repeat, I guess, is the best way to say it. I don't think it's as good as Every Picture Tells a Story. So this was the third song he wrote on this album. I mean, the songs he writes are so good. We should just have more of these. It's the covers. I would listen to the last song over and over. We'll get to that, I'm sure. Totally. That's the last one I like. This, next one, I Know I'm Losing You, it's a cover of a Temptations song. But this is credited in the U.S. as Broad Street and the Faces. It is a great song,

[86:32]but I don't, I prefer the Temptations. The bass in this is so good. If you get a chance, check out the live BBC version of this song. Oh, it's so good. Great bass solo. Yeah, the band's ripping. Yeah, big time. Well, of course, Ronnie Woods, you know, good enough to go join the Rolling Stones. Okay, a little band that eventually came out with an album. Voodoo Lounge, everybody's favorite. Next up, Reason to Believe. Now,

[87:04]Aaron, did I think that reason, that's fun. I believe that's a Hammond organ. Love that. Aaron, did I think of this song and believe Rhymes with Feet? I did, but I was strong. But you weren't allowed to be loud tonight, were you? Maturity. Yeah, you get too loud when you think about me thinking about feet. Next up, the rating system. And now it's time for everybody's favorite part of the show.

[87:30]The passionate and very popular Beck Did It Better rating system. Now listen, my wife is definitely asleep now. Yeah, I can be as loud as I want. Prove it. Prove it. No. Never mind. We've got, okay, this album. Every picture tells a story. 177. We are so close to getting to 200, yet so, so far away. Do you think this album belongs at 177?

[88:00]That would be rolling well-toned. It would be perfect. Okay? It is just like a classic Adele cover. It is well-toned. It's awesome. Should this be higher up? Like a Chris Gaines cover. Okay? Speaking of Chris Gaines cover, that reminds me. Laundry's done. Got my Chris Gaines covers. I'm just going to go hop in bed and just tuck yourself in under your Chris Gaines duvet. It's just a giant head with the black hair. You're just tucking

[88:30]yourself in. One side of the sheets would be Chris Gaines and the other side would be Garth Brooks and my wife would know if she comes in and it's on the Chris Gaines side up. Okay? It's time to make some salsa verde and fuck. But both sides would be all checkered, right? Oh yeah, of course. Like the album covers? One's black and white checkers, one's red, and one's black and white. One's red and black checkers. He's so good. And of course, let's aim our favorite Chris Gaines song right now. All right. So if this album

[89:00]should be higher on the list. With the announcer in your bedroom, you'd be using a soft voice while you guys played on the checkerboard and Rob's wife has jumped him and gotten the king me. So do you think in chess people are jumping each other? Checkers. Checkers. You're announcing checkers now, Russell? Come on, believe in yourself, brother. I know you can get back to golf. I'm like, I'm like Al Michaels. I got demoted. Listen, or is this at 177? Is it way too high? It should be lower, which of course would be a higher number.

[89:31]Okay. That would be a rolling bone. It shouldn't be on here or should this have been higher up? Listen, it's Rod Stewart. Guys, there were a lot of songs on here that were bangers. Just banger after banger. Okay. Should that be a rolling bone? It should have been higher on the list, which of course would be a lower number. Okay. Aaron, what do you think? Rolling well-toned, rolling bone, or rolling grown? Rod Stewart, every picture tells a story. I think the Rolling Stone editors made this really easy for us this time. There's no way

[90:00]that this album is better than the one we're going to hear next week. So just based on that, it is rolling grown. Aaron, we've already talked about Chris Gaines. Let's not talk any more about it. Did I ever tell you about the time where Garth Brooks wanted to get Buffer? So he took Chris weight gains, too. And it's the Chris Gaines episode once again. Okay, Russell, here's the deal. I'm going to edit out

[90:30]your shit earlier, but I'm also going to edit out that. Okay. But not this one. Russell, did you hear about when he was selling sorghum? Chris Grains. Chris Grains? Chris Grains. Yeah, Chris Grains. What city was he selling that in again? Well, he was in Nebraska because that's when he was also Chris playing. Oh, so Chris Plains in Nebraska about the same distance from Cannon Falls as Rochester. Is that what you were trying to set up? The only reason I'm not yelling at you,

[91:00]Russell, is I fear for my marriage. Okay. And no, I didn't put fear in air quotes. Fear my marriage. Oh, no, my marriage is ending. What will I do? Guess what? Whatever I want, whatever I fucking want, whenever I want, be as loud as I want. She comes around, I be quiet. When she's sleeping, I yell again. Yeah. I told her, I said, listen, Aaron can't meet earlier. This is all Aaron's fault. You should be bad at it. Wait, no, I could have been earlier.

[91:31]Russell, what do you think? Rolling well-toned, rolling boner, rolling groan? You know, I listened to this and for me, if it weren't for the two, the two songs in the middle there, what was it? That's all right and amazing grace. To me, that threw the whole thing out of whack for me. If it weren't for that, this might be like a top 50. Album for me. I really liked it. This would be something I would play again. If you turn this up, like you're driving home from work on a Friday afternoon, the sunshine, and you put this music on, it's a groove. I think it's super fun.

[92:00]The two, the two covers ruined it a little bit for me, but Aaron kind of brought up a good point. If this is above next week, Otis Redding, and I was going to say, Otis Redding has almost all covers on that. It's all covers, right? Except for one or two. They're not original tunes. I don't think. Yeah. And so if you're going to, if you're going to line up two albums with a bunch of covers on it, you got to take Otis Redding over that. So, but I really liked this. So I'm going to say rolling well-toned. I will listen to it again. Did you hear about when Garth Brooks was on In Living Color? He showed up as Chris Wayans.

[92:33]Wayans. Wayans. Damn it. Damn it. Can you get that part right? Man. Rolling well-toned, rolling boner, rolling. God, I just hit the closet. I thought it was Jenny. Scared the crap out of me. Rolling well-toned, rolling boner, rolling groan. I think, man, as we go, lower in this list, which means higher numbers, we're going to be playing this game and it's a dangerous slippery slope. And so like my good friend Rosie, I mean, Crapes, if you look at what's

[93:00]coming after this, namely that 214 Wildflowers by Tom Petty. That might be my new, that might be my new Mendoza line, if you will, that, Crapes, how can this be better than that? I don't know. Again, it felt like it was just thrown together. There's some great songs and it felt like it was just like, hey, we need to get an album put together. We'll use some of these songs and all throw a Dylan song in there and wind up probably in Temptations and, you know, do all this. I don't know. It just felt very, very disconjointed

[93:31]if that's actually a word. And so I'm going to say it's rolling groan should be lower on the list. Well, unfortunately, you guys are incorrect. Shit. Okay. This gets a rolling Graham Moem. Graham Moem? Boy, that made sense when I wrote it. Graham Moem? Because not only has Rod Stewart always been loved by moms. Rod Stewart is a number one mom favorite. Okay. Grandmoms love him now too. I'm telling you, look at his American Songbook CDs. It is like Grandma Central. He did kind of the Tony Bennett thing where he was like, hey,

[94:00]I'll just put out a bunch of shit. It's already been recorded. No problem. And the other reason it gets a rolling Graham Moem is that Rod Stewart kind of looks like my Graham Moem. Okay. I'm telling you, instead of a wolf, if instead of a wolf, Little Red Riding Hood ran into Rod Stewart, she would never know the difference. She'd be eaten or whatever Rod Stewart was going to do with that story. Now, next week, okay, Otis Blue, also known as Otis Ready to Sing Soul. Guys, it's just like my bed in the wintertime.

[94:30]Lots of covers. I love it. And when it's around me, I think about Aaron. When you want to hear about the greatest albums of all time. Is it the Chris Keen's bed? But you're just too lazy to look it up. Yeah, when Aaron's over, it's Chris Keen's bed. I think it's all severity. Aaron, do you want to see my bats in the rouge? Beck did it better.

[95:01]Rob, I had actually put a lot of thought in coming up with the perfect closing joke for this song, but it turns out I was inspired by your freestyle Coke machine. I don't give a shit. You just see me there like spraying it into nothing. Just spraying it into the drain. Like occasionally looking around and not even putting it into the cup, just like leaning the head under like a faucet. Don't laugh out loud, Rob. Just kickstanding the Coke machine. Tell you what,

[95:30]guys, I just realized who I saw at the trampoline park. Who's that? Well, I went all the way up to a different suburb. I saw Chris Blaine. Man, I believe that's north of Minneapolis, northwest. Yep. Take 65 up there. You can take 35 which then, yeah, 35W and cut over on 95, but it's County Road 95, so you got to be sure. That's like the 3636 confusion in Minneapolis. Nobody likes this.

[96:02]Just take Central. Just take Central. 65 all the way north.