Merle Haggard: Down Every Road (1962-1994) (1996) ep 184

[0:00]I am a pro right now at wasting time at work. I don't know if it's because I've been at my work for like seven years. I waste time. I've got, it's like, I can type in slate.com. So if I ask vulture.com, AV club, Slate's got this thing now where they're like, oh, Well, listen, I don't want to say it. Cause I know we have some journalists. Listen, they're like, oh, you got to pay to read this article. And I'm like, I don't think I do. I don't think I do. All right. I support journalism and all that. I just don't want to pay money. Clearly. I just want it for free. All right. Some journalists or one journalist who once in a while mentions that he knows we have A podcast. Hey, guess what? It depends. If we commit a crime in the future, Aaron, it might be a lot of journalists listen to This. Hey, serial season four. Hope you're listening right now. Okay. I didn't murder that person. Perfect alibi. Perfect crime in 20. What actually, what's your guys' Favorite website for wasting time at work though?

[1:00]Like what's the one where you're like, oh, fuck it. I got it. They do 30 seconds of not work. Where are we going? And I know you're going to say yes, me and Andy, but what else? I'm trying to think mine is, oh, I have to introduce you to at some point. It's usually on it. All right. I'll out myself. It is usually the Iowa state message boards. I have a message for a genius. You know, John Gruden has said he likes Iowa before. So I think he'd be here. I think he'd come. Oh, that's real sick. You know what? John Gruden. Good guy. I'm not going to look at the news of him recently, but I think he's doing this shit. I think it's a good idea. And he knows he listens to every episode. Hey, let's all turn around. Goddamn right. I do. Okay. I give, I get every time I'm at a cash register and they ask me if I want to round up to donate To the children's hospital, I do it so that I can tell my friends that I actually do something

[2:00]Rather than do it. I'm just waving. Wow. I gave a hundred bucks one time when I would like a hundred back with like a, I'll let the rage donation be this, but like when, yeah, when that first came out At a hundred bucks was like a lot of money for me to be wasting just to be petty. I did give a hundred bucks to the stead family children's hospital, but I'm sure the waving Helps too. Your dad would have done for sure. That's, that's, that sounds like something I would do if I was like biking and I kind Of nicked a kid holding an IV thing, I was like, Oh God, go bad. I was like, Oh, I'm going to make myself feel better. I know. There's some money at it. Matt, what's your go-to Wasey website? Oh, Andy. Like, what are you doing on the message boards? What are you just reading like what people are saying? So get an arguments. What are we doing? Sorry, man. Well, unfortunately a little bit of both, mostly just reading, but then I will like, It is, it's, it's the worst. It's the worst of the internet. Like every now and again, I'll dive in and then you'll get people. It's like, it's the same as Reddit. You know, if you've ever been on Reddit and ever posted there, then somebody pisses you

[3:00]Off. And like, you feel like, oh, I'm going to do this. You feel like just like sucking you in. And then at some point you waste a whole afternoon in some stupid message Board argument. And then you realize how little it matters. And the rest of the board has moved on. So mostly just reading, but every now and again, if like, it's just popping off, I'll Make the mistake of jumping in. Andy, are you ever like having sex and it just kind of blows your mind? You know what I mean? Like you're having sex. You're like, wow, I can't believe a guy who has a strong opinions about the message board Is having sexual intercourse right now. This is crazy. I am the, someone is wrong on the internet. The internet meme. Yes. Yeah. Okay. I'm not going to talk about what I think about when I'm having sex. Yes, you are. Eventually on this podcast. Electrolytes. Aaron, Aaron. Electrolytes. Just Aaron. Just be quiet. No. What happened? Watch. Try to make that shit talk. You know what I'm talking about. Talk to me. Make that shit talk. That's what I'm talking about. I'm thinking about saying that, but I don't say it out loud. Okay.

[4:00]Matt. Matt. What's your go-to website? I, I, I, I refuse. I refuse to look at non-work shit at work because I'm convinced that I'm just being Spied on. Right. And so I'll go to my cell. I'll probably look at Reddit or something on my phone or fantasy baseball or something Right now. You don't waste any time on the computer at work. My work computer, not my work computer. So like I'll pull out my phone, figure out my fantasy or figure out the 19 bets That you and Joe and Neil have been proposing like between 10 AM and noon, you Know, and try to catch up with all of that. So, Hey, don't think about it too hard. That's my advice. Hey, don't, Hey, these four guys are definitely going to hit a home run today. It's math. Well, lately we know we're catching up on some like track guy. Who's like, I don't know. Who's some sort of judge that I've never heard of kind of a thing. So the angry guys.

[5:00]On the text chain right now are just feeding me. They're keeping my spirit full. You know what I mean? Like when we get a video and it just says, is this a ball or a strike? I just said like, oh fuck. Yeah. This is the perfect Friday night. I love, I live for this shit. Me and Aaron's stepbrother had a, like a five leg parlay. That was Matt. Have you ever heard that they have a stepbrother? Has this fact ever come up? He might be a listener. Actually. I think he is a part-time listener. Yeah, man. He's out there. A bummer. If you got stuck in the dryer. Oh God. He said he had like a five leg parlay going that he was feeling good about That. Everything was about to hit. And one of them included Yannick center winning the French open. And then he got like brutally upset later in the day. He was basically talking off about it the night before the next day. It was like minus 500 or something like that. House always wins. Aaron, what do you do to waste time? Are you guys, honestly, I need to do better. I need better time wasting website.

[6:00]I also do. I do not look at personal stuff on my work computer, but I am at home. So I just pick up my phone. I look at apple news too much. That's dumb. I ended up like reading something on the chronicle, but I do. I do a ton of things. I'm a fucking moron by the way. I used to get like a bunch of like wall street journal articles and now I get Shit. It's like, are these breasts too big click? Well, I better check this by the way, brand new thing coming up on my Tick-tock recently, and then we'll get started with the show. Then I'll introduce everybody. Brand new thing that is on my tick-tock and I cannot get enough of it. Motorcyclists outrunning cops. Every time I see it, it is thrilling because all of them, cause, and then You go to the comments and they make it to freedom. They can like make it and always their bike somewhere. Well these are the guys who survived upload it. So I don't know, like, but they're playing with the holes in it. They'll do a thing sometimes where they kind of slow down when they're Getting pulled over and you see them look back. Then they'll just jam it.

[7:00]And you're just like, oh, I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. And it's like, fuck. And you go to the comments. It goes, yeah, boy. Like everyone is just like, fuck. Yeah, you're fast. You're just watching like this fucking rules. And if you saw it in real life, you would be terrified. It'd have to go sit in the basement for a while. Like Lance Armstrong looking over the shoulder at Jan Ulrich. It's the look. And then he goes, but in more death defying you, listen, you got to Find some just like that. I swear to God, please. In 2020, four friends decided to listen to every one of the greatest 500 albums as decided by Rolling Stone magazine. This results in a text chain that celebrated the music excoriated the order. And led us to begin this podcast. We are far from experts. We promise to do almost no research. All opinions are our own. Unless you disagree. Please sit back and enjoy. Becca did it better. Guys, we are all the way up now. I'm not going to lie. We're kind of fun. We don't know. Okay. Now, last week. Okay. You might remember. Okay. And I might, maybe I'll even put it in a clip. The next album was supposed to be Frank Sinatra. Okay. Well, guess what? Magic Mike wanted to do it with us. Well, he's fucking out of town. What the fuck is he doing?

[8:00]Doesn't he know that we're. We're about to record a podcast episode. So we were going to be recording that next week. Then we were supposed to do Donna Summers hot stuff. Okay. But then we didn't want to do that. So instead we're doing Merle Haggard because we have a special guest today. Okay. With us. We have Andy, but it's not time to introduce you yet because we are out of the app to Album two 84. We're jumping three from 1996. Wait, what? We have an album with a hundred songs on it. And somehow Russell's not here for this recording. What a coincidence. He doesn't want to do the hundred song album. There was a time we would have done all 100. Those if you remember our James Brown star time, I have never listened back to The full star time episode. I don't know if I can do it. I feel like something that's what they would blast in Havana when we finally go in and Take over like we're just going to be blasting that. That was like an event for us. Like I would, that's when I was still doing it in the garage. It was like, yeah, get out here. Yeah. We're sitting down doing the whole thing. I listened to that one front to back. Fucking warrants. It was rough.

[9:00]Guess what? I made extra long songs. I made extra long for you today too, Andy, because you're not listening to this shit Every half time speed. Okay. I still think of that every time. Two X. We probably should just say, we should probably just say we're doing All a hundred songs and then just do the whole dead air at the end kind of a thing. Oh, I like to slip people. And then have like a couple of dogs barking or something. Or just have a part where we speed up the track. So we, Russ could not make the record today. All right. So instead we have a special guest. But it's not time to introduce him yet, because right now we are going into the, part Where I make a clever bit about turning on the radio. And so I simply think of that in my head right now. Listen, guys, I'm driving through Oklahoma. Okay. What do I do? I turn on the radio. It's still K-Rob. I'm still on the right side of the Mississippi somehow. All right. Let's see what's happening on a K-Rob, K-R-O-B. Some of the greatest hits I've been playing on this recently. Okay. And actually it's been a lot of work to do this. So let's respect it.

[10:00]What's up, everybody? Welcome to K-Rob. K-R-O-B. Listen, if you're like me, just take this one little tip. Oh, yeah. Well, they only eat clean out there in Oakland. They make sure their eggs are all cage-free. Ah. Well, you better love taco with tongue and stomach. Would you like that to go with some cactus leaves? Yes. Every party comes with a psilocybe. Wait, what? Hey, we should go out for some of that matcha. Here's some nooch that you can put on your popcorn. But first, can you pass the ashwagandha? Why do you like that in my tea?

[11:00]Well, I'm dying to get rid of some of this bee pollen. I'd love an infusion of rosewood. Rose petals. Could I skit my sea moss gel to go? Oh, I've never had that. And I'll try a side of the stinging nettles. Oh, my God. Where Aaron is, he lives a little cleaner. They do things different in the Bay Area. When you're at a party, you need to be careful. Because there's a chance they could be serving placenta. Oh, God. You know that's true. But when you see Aaron eating healthy,

[12:00]Just remember it's all this and still has gout. Yeah, that's true. So the rest of his diet must be really shit. When you want to hear about the greatest albums of all time. Knickers and beef tendon. That's all it is. Oh, my God. That sounds like a great day. It's just canned herring and Reese's Pieces. I know I'm not introduced yet, but Aaron once served me Daikon radish at a dinner. Yes, I did. I'll never ever limit that. As a main course. I had to identify Daikon on the picture round at Trivia this week, And I fucking got it wrong. It's like, what the hell kind of karma is that? Like, that's the one that I missed on the picture round. God damn. I, there's so much to talk about here. What? You had to identify Daikon?

[13:00]What does that mean? The picture on the Trivia was produce, and I got all of them. I got Romanesco. I got Celeriac. I got Kohlrabi. I got all that shit. Romanesco. Kohlrabi. Celery root. Okay. What else was on there? Tomatillo. Bayleaf. Salt. But I missed Daikon radish. I thought it was a person. Can you imagine if Matt was on your team for that game, you'd just be like, I'm going to the bathroom, guys. I'll see you later. I cannot help you with the produce. Tap me out. Listen, I've got, I've got three guys here who see this part where I wrote the joke. I got three guys here who, and then I just don't have anything written down. Okay. I think I was going to say something about how you liked a lot of his lyrics from the songs in the 80s. I've got Aaron. I've got Matt in Minneapolis, Matt, how are you doing? Good. Rob. I'm glad this podcast is a place where even square is going to have a ball.

[14:00]Oh, there we go. I've got Andy in, I don't know. Somebody, I assume it's a stone's throw from Ankeny. Where are you? Pretty much a stone's throw from Ankeny. Yeah. Thank you. It's probably near Nevada. It's somewhere between Nevada and Madrid. Oh, yeah. Of course. Yeah. Silver wings slowly fading out of sight. Thanks for having me guys. Let's talk some real anger. And I've got Aaron out in California. Now, Aaron recently told me, he goes, listen, this new Odyssey movie is coming out. And I said, oh yeah, it's got polyphemus. And Aaron was like, who's polyphemus now? Of course me. I have a big literature guy. Hello. Call me. I had to think of the literature. Call me. Wow. Those that font is like 60 font. This is the biggest book I've ever seen. Not all who wonder are lost. Yes. Of course. More literature. Okay. Choose your own adventure. Do you want to get on the alien spaceship? Yes, I do.

[15:00]To me, that was high literature when I was younger. Choose your own adventure. And of course, Aaron, what would I do? Just go back to the end to read it backwards. Nailed it. Okay. Always get the right answer. Yes. That messed up for my mom. And I said, listen, polyphemus. And Aaron goes, who's polyphemus? And I said, well, Aaron, that's a giant with one eye. And Aaron goes, yeah, I know how to spell it. Ah, that's good. Yeah, that is good. No one could change my mind, but mama tried. Let's talk about polyphemus. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Let's talk about Merle Haggard. Wow. Wow. And I'll I'm just going to say this right away. We're talking about Merle Haggard. Gotta have more people named Merle. Listen, if you are finding yourself going on message boards and then having a penetrative Sex, okay. And maybe getting people pregnant. All right. Which twice. Okay. Please name one of those kids of Merle. And listen, it's not going to go over well, nobody in your family is gonna be happy about It, but think of how happy you're going to be.

[16:00]Hey, If you're listening in your name. Is Merle. Please call the beck line. Please. Is Merle Short for something? Merlin. Merlin? Is it Merlin? Are you fucking kidding me? No, I'm joking. Do you think this Okie from Muskogee had a crystal ball? He's like, gaze into the orb. This is what's good about Reaganomics. You know what I mean? He's kind of like, Oh. Rob, if you ever make it down To Johnston, Iowa, I will take you to Merle Hay Mall, named After World War II Veteran Merle Hay. And I'll show you the Best Vietnamese spot in town in the food court. Do you think that ever saved his life when he was In the big one? You know what I mean? He was like, Merle Hay. And he's like, what? And a bullet Kind of goes by him as he's turning his head. No, Merle is not typically a nickname. It's a standalone given name of French and Latin origin that means blackbird. However, it is short sometimes For Muriel. Merle. Merle Hay singing in the

[17:00]Dead of night. Yeah. So anyway, Merle Is. Did you look up Top 10 Most famous Merle's? Let's do a name. Top 10 Merle's. Listen, I hate to get into this So early, but I have a feeling that Russ Not being here. Okay. He can't tell me what to do. We've got to have a Merle in our family somewhere. Andy. Okay. We have a Morse Best Merle Haggard songs. Erastus best top 10 Merle's the name. Okay, guys. I The name top Two. Okay. Top 10 famous Merle's. Okay. We got Merle's the Abidjan. I gotta wake my wife up and see if we can go Three for three. So I can name the next one. Merle French orthopedic. Okay. Merle Kessler American actor, co-director of Dr. Science. Okay. And there really Do be no Merle's, huh? The son of Doc Watson's bluegrass singer Merle Miller. Okay. Gay rights Activist Merle Tottingham. I've heard of that English actor Merle Kilgore.

[18:00]This is so boring. Merle Allen. Gay, who is a punk rock. Some Of something Merle Travis Influential country Western singer And Merle Oberon, famous British Indian Hollywood actress. And of course, The number one famous Merle's Haggard. Hey, I saw Merle Olson who played football. He's got to be Top 10 most famous. Are you putting him over Merle Watson? I just Merle Miller. Do you put him over the biographer Merle Miller? And I noticed that Merle Hay was not on there. Okay, so that's got how But I got to say having a fucking Mall named after you. That'd be So baller. Let's go at the top. Let's go At the top 100. What was it? What was the mall name? What was the ball name? How far are we going to go To get that would literally be all the Merle's Top 100 Merle's would be every Merle. There's a list. See if I puts out a list. Okay. Okay. A murder of Merle's top 100 Merle's. Nice. Very good question mark.

[19:00]Okay. So Now it's still just giving us the same. Most famous tape named Merle. Hey what? They have Listen. What was the mall By you? What was it named? What was like the mall your childhood mall called Because malls always had wild names when we were growing Up. Really? Yeah. Mine was called Merle. Merle. Top 10 deals Of America for you. My mall And I never thought of this was just Apache. That is on the nose because what? Apache. Why not? They got the land acknowledgement In with the name. I don't I don't think that's quite what it was About. I don't think that was quite at that time. Now Listen, what part of the show is this? Oh, that's right. This is the part where we Go to the voicemail. Well, guess what? You dumb Shit listeners. You didn't send any voicemail. So instead what I've done is I have pulled Off my computer. They were naming malls

[20:00]Instead random clips that I have pulled from the show. These are clips That I found anywhere from five to seven Seconds long and we're going to play them And see if anything funny comes with this. Okay, so This is what you dumb shits get when you don't Leave a fucking voicemail. Okay, this first one is called Aaron Team building. Let's see what this clip is. Now. There's a number of reasons. I clip these. I either Put them in songs or I sometimes Editing. I'll hear something funny and I'll clip it out. Okay, but first let's play this Aaron Team building. Let's see what this is and guys and then We're going to do a bit about it. Okay, so get your bit Bones ready. Here we go. We haven't done any in-person stuff for three years. I have A couple coming up this year. So I'm going to I'm going To rely on you guys for advice about that. Why would I have clipped this? This segment Is the worst segment I've ever come up. That's When I did the water balloon toss. It was a smashing Success. Why would I clip This though? What's the reason stuff again Last week? Wait, what Was in person again last week? Aaron, why would you not tell us about this? This is huge news. You had to go meet all These people in person again. Did you did? I

[21:00]Had to go to the different people. This was different People this time. I didn't have to plan this time though. Wow. Now. So what was a team building The exercise? Is this is this your role in Going? Maybe encroaching on my role in going. Yeah. Oh, wow. Okay. Let's let's back off because that's We we got to fill the time today. We don't have Russ. We got to stretch this out somehow. We only got a hundred songs to listen to. Okay. This clip is called And again, this is on the listeners. Okay. This actually hurts me More than it hurts them. Not on The person who pulled the clips. No. Listen, I randomly pulled these clips. Okay. You think I'm happy that I took the time to do this and now I can't remember. Why they're important at all that maybe I'm kind of wasting My life. What? No. Okay. Let's this one's called bad note By Rob. Let's see what this is about to learn It. Okay. Oh, This is one of the greatest Segments we've ever done on the Show. We're back. Can you tell me what theme song that was

[22:00]From? What parody song was I can't tell What the best way for these Guys to learn it. Indeed. How can I not even tell what song Is from? Is that about hitting off the tea? Was that we were talking about doing tea work? That's the best way for These guys to learn it. I don't even know what to say. That's so painful. You're just sitting in your Room making that. I think you found what you're going to put for the last 30 minutes of this. Just that. You just listen To it. You know what? I can actually set it up. That's the best way for these guys To learn it. I think you've heard it enough. I feel like if you heard it enough, you could decipher What's going on. You know what I mean? Now, can I loop this? No. Can't figure out how to do that. Okay. Next clip. We're only going to do as we only have 10 more. So get ready. Next clip. And again, this is because the listeners Are being naughty. Finger cut off.

[23:00]Now, why do I have a clip called finger cut Off? Let's see what it's about. What is the best finger to cut off? Probably a ring finger On your left hand. Ring finger on your left hand. Ring finger on your left hand. Hey. Classic bit. A classic bit. How old is that one? That's an old one. That sounded like It was a long time ago. That's an old one Or it was a Vegas episode. I'm not sure. The audio Fidelity swings quite wildly On this show. All right. This is one Called Have You Ever Heard the Album? Listen. About the album, we are doing Dummy By Portishead. Now, let me ask you, Matt and Aaron, have you guys ever heard this album Before? No. This bit's a disaster. It's oozing With comedy. We only have one Left, okay? So, I know you're going to be sad about this, But the good news is This one is called Hot Nuts. Okay? So, I Cannot wait to hear what it is. Guys,

[24:00]Will there be a double entendre in this Clip? Maybe. You know what? That is getting Copied and pasted into the Main page. Congratulations. You have been upgraded to the main page. Yes. And we Now figure out what that section Was about. And right now, let's get into Roll It, Go It. Oh, no. I hit the wrong button. That's crazy. That's so crazy. Once again, the suspense Of wondering if a bit is actually Going anywhere is much easier at 2x speed. With no silence in between. It's a lot to sit through when you're here, right? You don't know if the audience is laughing or not. The answer on this show is maybe. Andy, Let's start with you. Roll it, go on. How's it going with you? Oh, man. Roll it, go on. So, It was a good day today. Today was My last day at my Used-to-be-current job.

[25:00]What? So, yeah. So, I put in my two weeks Right after the Memorial Day Holidays, and it was my last day. And I gotta tell you guys I don't Know what everybody's... Yeah, well, I don't know what Everybody's experience is with this, but there Are few things in life more liberating Than leaving a job. And I actually Put some icing on the cake on this one. Usually, I leave... I mean, and I didn't do Anything too bad, but usually, I Leave the right way. You know, I do Everything right. You know, I do, like, favors For people and whatever people ask you to in your Two-week period. Yeah, exactly. But somebody was hounding me this week To send an email to somebody, And I just had enough. And she reached out to... He or she Reached out again Thursday Morning and was like, hey, did you send that? And I just left it on read. And Again, like, that was just one of The most liberating things I've ever done. Like, I've Really worked with this person, didn't really like him that much And just thought what? I've done enough Of this shit. So, I'm just leaving It there. You can figure it out on your own. You can send your own email, and

[26:00]I felt incredibly Liberated about it. You can't even log in if you Want. That's right. So, I was... One of the more liberating Things that you can do. So, I'm curious from Everybody on the group, have you Had any Really satisfying quit Your job moments in your career? Short answer is no. I mean, it's like... I mean, well... Honestly, there'd be only one shorter Answer. I. Yeah. A? Yep. B. Wow. I think Though that I've left jobs a couple Times, right? And there's people... And it's been a good situation. Let's just say that. So, people that I've liked, people That I hang out with. I think you realize Real quick though that they don't... You're gone. They know You're gone. And you know what? The Job's still there for them tomorrow Kind of a thing. And they could really care less.

[27:00]You want to be like... Everybody Wants this nice going away Happy hour party and everything. But Everybody else is just kind of like, well, I'm still Coming tomorrow. So, I go Over the top If people are leaving. And they're good people To try to make sure we have A beer or a happy hour Or something like that. Yeah. Sounds like this Little different situation for you. Well, no. It wasn't. No. I wasn't given the Double rockets or anything. It was just... You know, I'd been there for six years. It was time for Me to go. And it was Just very satisfying to do so. But that's A good point, Matt. And I think people do remember That. Like, there were definitely People that reached out that I wasn't expecting to And said very nice things. So, yeah. But that's definitely The way to handle that. Now, of course, One of the issues is, of course, you are a professional lion tamer. So, this circus is screwed. Okay? They've had you for So long. A lot of safety issues now. I'm bringing this chair with Me. You know what I mean? Like, this is my chair. And this is my hat. This is your Jacket. I'll leave the jacket.

[28:00]Are you doing the Gold standard and Taking, like, the summer off? Do you get three Months off here? No. Unfortunately not. I've got a vacation In a couple weeks. So, I got to start the New job on Monday since I've taken 10 days off in the middle Of the month. But it's all right. That's part of why I had a little Supersede your week this past week. So, that's what's Rolling going with me. And that was Pretty exciting. The other thing that's rolling going, You know, it's kind of the beginning Of summer here In Iowa. Always a few things to do Here and there. Some interesting stuff to do. And so, there's something that I'm doing that we're Going to do on Sunday. Stay track. It was last weekend. That was a great time. Watch some kids exercise. Clip that. Don't use that Case. Hey, it might go On. It might be a recurring segment If these dumb shits don't start leaving some voice. But, we've got Something going on on Sunday that I'm pretty excited about. But I Am curious. Do you guys have Do you guys have one person in your life that You always know, like, basically, who is what

[29:00]Our father would call an artesian well of useless Information? Somebody that you always Go to to ask to explain certain Things. Who is that person in your life? Rob. I always Go to Rob. I have him explain things. You know, I Do. I had one Student that he graduated This year, actually. But he is a guy I would go to, like, once I wanted to figure out what a Banana republic was. And I Was like, oh, this kid is actually way into Central American politics. Because I had taken him on a Trip. And so I had, and he explained it to me Like in 10 minutes. And I was like, Wait a minute. The good old USA. You know what I mean? I was like, wait a minute. Turns out you just wanted to know where to buy some chinos. Listen, I will just tell you This right now. You will never see a guy That looks like me shopping at Banana Republic. Banana Republic Is secretly like the Victoria's Secret. For fat guys, they They're biased against us. Okay. Do I want to wear what I assume are linen Pants and big hats? I don't know what's in a Banana

[30:00]Republic. I've never been in there. Everything's Beige in my mind. It's all beige And it's all slim fit. Fuck That. I'm not going in there. Instead, I got to go to stores that are called like Stores. I go to to buy clothes are Always like have multiple X's in the title. You know what I mean? It's like XXL clothes. It's like, come On. Casual Male. Yeah. So for For me, that person in my life Is my my close relative Aaron. And so we're going to do this in real Time because I was going to send him this text today, but I decided to wait for the podcast. Aaron, I'm going to a Criterium, the Confluence Cup criterium in Des Moines On Sunday. What on earth is a criterium? You're going to a bike race typically Held in a downtown area. Right. You know, some kind of Circuit. Usually They're doing a few laps of a circuit and Then is this like a shorter Is like a shorter like loop Where you do like 10, 10 laps Kind of thing. Exactly. It's usually they'll do it. They used To do one in uptown. The Nature Valley

[31:00]Grand Prix was in uptown. Sometimes it's Part of a larger, longer stage race. But Yeah, it's fun. You pick out a spot on the Corner somewhere. You get to see the bikes Go by a bunch of times. Sometimes there's a Preem lap. So like there's a prize For finishing first on this particular lap. So That's exciting. They ring a bell for the preem lap And then they bring a bell for the last lap And yeah. Now, is this on Is this on like a, what kind of track is this On? Is this on like a track where you can watch A whole race or is this like this on the road? No, this Is on the road. So that'd be different than on A track. So this is on, so it's road racing, But it's, it's like adapted for You know, downtown areas and it's like Very fan friendly because it happens in a small Space and sometimes it's long enough. It's Like 10 laps and the laps is Like a mile. You have, you might have a chance to Go watch at one corner and then run over Watch at another stuff like that. It's good for the Family. It's like, Hey, come over here. This guy is Putting in the blood. He took out last night. You know What I mean? He's doing it right here in front of us. It's so crazy. Well, shit, I'm glad I asked because I was Planning on buying a bunch of obscure Lars von Trier DVDs, but I guess

[32:00]That's exactly what I was thinking of. That's exactly what I was thinking Of. That's such a good joke. That's so good. That's so stupid. Perfect for the show. I love it. I thought speaking of that, I Thought I was going to be a DVD guy. Like I Did you go through a phase like in your twenties? You're like, I'm kind of a Movie guy. I'm into movies. And then I Realized Predator running man. Oh, she's here when I'm talking about running man Again. Well, is he talking about how professor Tanaka Is playing subzero? Yes, he is. Again, You know, I thought I was Into movies, but I just wanted the boondock saints Poster. I had, I did. I Had DVDs. I was like, I'm kind of a collector. I have Boogie nights. Okay. I mean, I mean, I just Dumb guy. Movies, stupid. But There is nothing to where like everybody used to collect Movies, right? Like, oh, this is great. There's nothing worse than all of a sudden

[33:00]Like Netflix comes around or Any of these things. And you're like, these things Are just worthless now. They're just taking Space in my life. Yeah. Agreed. However, The idea of owning a movie still Has a ton of value. Like we have a couple That we bought on YouTube or Whatever. They have touched tentacles. They have linked Up. We're not going to hear about why Physical media is good i mean i would like to have a dvd collection but it's just Not convenient enough but i do like having a few movies that i own that i can call up instead of Having to hope that it's on a streaming service at any given time rob you absolutely nailed it You wouldn't even i mean you wouldn't have to guess how many times andy and i text about physical Media this is so important i mean you got it you totally fucking nailed it these prison girls are In heat exclamation point one exclamation point again if you haven't seen that Movie check out the criteria which apparently is also by grace you know what i made that joke before

[34:00]And i'm going to show you guys now cage prison girls in heat and we're going to see oh wow is it Just caged heat oh let's see i'm just going to see yep that is the movie i'm thinking of It's a women's prison Movie all right i'm just going to bookmark this but the little star there and then we are good All right let's move on matt rolling going how's it going with you good it's intern Season at corporate america i don't know if any of you rosie do you have intern you guys do Interns or everything's so do we i did actually there's a yeah i saw a calendar invite for next Week for like do you want to train an intern kind of thing do you want i don't know if you just left It unread So we i mean when you say intern season like i don't know how you said intern season and rob

[35:00]Just left that alone like didn't take any excuse me do you what do you think i'm going To make some sex joke absolutely not i was going to first of all it's probably a little You want to i was going to do do you want to train an intern do you want to build a snowman Okay but i feel like the time has passed but i would say this like i can see aaron training Intern he's like listen i noticed right away you wanted to be before the snowman 10 a.m first training number one bad okay also after 3 p.m bad yeah You know about 11 30 to 1 115 Now you called me when i was at lego land okay that is actually also bad so We've got some problems here but i'm new to the hiring of intern Role at my company kind of a thing so we had to find some interns we went to A couple career fairs all this stuff we're trying to find high quality interns to come work what I've known we got hundreds of resumes people who applied the new latest greatest thing is to put

[36:00]Like your interests at the bottom like aaron yeah and andy you guys would just go fucking Bonkers with putting stuff in i mean like personal interest like oh this is who i am as a human Interest yeah so like there's all this stuff like your job you know i guess it's i mean literally Like within the last two or three years like this is the thing And i think it's both good and bad like you figure out right away who like the just the The dull people are they put sunsets and country music and you know taking long walks oh my god Things like that so then other people there was another one the guy was like weightlifting All 22 football breakdown of indiana football and like metallica that's actually if i do need Like that yeah and so all 22 one of the ones like one of the ones we got in is like the One of the ones the resume we got in like i have to try not to say his name but he he had on his Thing he had some like long he's had like track and they had some like long distance ethiopian

[37:00]Runner that i've never heard of so we had to look up this thing he had chess now aaron Aaron if he says long distance runner what who are you guessing he's talking about i'm gonna say This wrong but is it eliot kipchoge that's that's probably oh my god so i knew it ethiopian I'm not sure though yeah so that so he had chess he had candles and he had whales Chess and whales and so i saw that right away i'm like what i mean you gotta know Yeah you gotta talk to this guy right yeah like right and so no like instantly and i did the Old white guy thing and said nope put him to the pile right like this is the no pile Right away so we go to this career fair right and he says i'm this kid i'm hurt i'm hurt worse than The humpback population yeah this kid walks up i love whales he's like the greatest kid in the World like he's he's he's on point he's talking well he's taking all the real estate classes He's all this stuff and i'm telling all the people that i'm like we gotta interview

[38:00]This guy's gonna be great so i go back to my company i'm telling everybody we're we're Interviewing candles guy and everybody to a t says nope no way no we're not doing it i'm Like nope we're doing it we're gonna interview him so we get on a zoom with Yeah Candles guy knocks it out of the park yeah knocks it out of the park of it candles guy so now is Every everybody knows him as his first name and then candles it starts with this so we'll say Charlie candles kind of a thing that's a good and it's the greatest in the world But i feel like his third day there he's gonna be like You guys like putting wax on your nipples For the people at home i did a very visual joke too i actually I didn't actually do any kind of nipple wax bit But I i i don't and i'm trying to figure out the nicest way like you know there's potential we Hire him kind of a thing full-time but how do you tell a kid like that like look nobody at any sort

[39:00]Of hiring is going to even give you any sort of positive look if you have candles on Your resume so that so then at the same time i'm like this kid is like he's true to himself like He's a great kid true to himself kind of thing what if like that he's like no i'm not gonna do it This is who I am and I want to go somewhere Where they accept me for my Candles kind of thing. So I don't know. It's like the greatest thing and the Worst thing all at the same time. I don't know If the teachable moment is the candles themselves. I think it's like What about candles? It's weird just To say candles, but do you collect? Do you make? Where's the conversation? Are the candles made out of whale blubber? These are questions I would have. In the Zoom interview like we did before We interviewed like five people To get down to two roles kind of a thing. We talked for 20 minutes about all the technical Stuff and the classes and tell us About you and all that. And I finally said, I said, all right, I got to ask. What's up with the candles kind of a thing? So he goes and he pulls

[40:00]A candle. Oh I don't know. I just, I like The smell of them and you know, I've got this Teak mahogany, whatever Kind of a thing. He's got a man's Candle warm. He pulled his candle Warm. I've never heard of a candle warmers. I'm sure You guys all know candle warmers. Yeah. You don't have to light a fire in the house. Do you have candle warmers in your house? No. I had no idea it was an actual Thing and so You don't have to light the candles. You just Heat them up and there's the smell. And then ask, okay, well, tell me about the whales. Well, I don't know. It's kind of a thing I was into. You know, I know back in 2008, There was 82 whales. There's probably a few more Whales. Like he just rattled all this Stuff off. It was great. He's got a huge vat of sperm whale Fluid. I mean, he's like, Oh, I love this stuff. Just dying to get A sperm whale joke in. What is that fluid called? Well, that's why they call them sperm whales, because they have All this spermaceti. You know what I mean? They've got this spermaceti In their head, and they would go drill it out.

[41:00]So much Lower stakes, but I once Got offered a job. I was applying for summer camps when I was in College, and I Once got a call directly From a camp owner on the East Coast who told me that he Was staffed up for the summer, But he wanted to find a role. For me and offer me a job because On my application, I just sort of Offhandedly, there was some section for like future Plans or something because everybody was Applying was in college, and I put become The commissioner of the NBA, and I Didn't even think about it any further, but he called me directly. He's like, I loved your I love what you had to say. I love that ambition, and you know, I'd love To offer you a job. I didn't take it. I worked at a different Summer camp, but shit like that stands out Sometimes. So I don't know. I I'm on the fence. I think it's great, but I also think like I Had no, I don't know what I would put on there, but I would, I would, you're going to miss out on half the roles Because of old white guys hiring You. Yeah, but I can Tell you, and listen, this Makes you sound like the oldest. When I started working and the old guys

[42:00]I worked with be like, listen, these young guys totally Different. I'd be like, God damn, you are old as Fuck. You are just don't worry About it. This is now that people Who are much younger than me are coming to work with me. I'm Like, what the fuck is up with You guys? Why do you think you Can talk about like smoking weed in The science office at school? Who are you that would talk about That at work? That is the craziest. And they just Are like, and everybody's just like, and I'm like, what is this? Why? How Am I here? I feel old as fuck At work. You have, do you have patches? Do you have patches on your elbows? But like, he'll be like, I, cause I put comics On all my tests and the new guy is putting In memes and I'm kind of like, I'm like, that's, that's That is the thing though, Rob. Like we are The last generation who Had to like be embarrassed about weed, right? Cause you still, like, I think you might enjoy Weed once in a while, but I think you still feel Like, I don't know if I should say that out loud. Wait till my rolling Right. Yeah. Like we're the last generation for Whom that's like a stigma. We are. And then we Are all technically

[43:00]We're closer to retirement Than we are to college At this point. Oh God. Yeah. Scary to think about. Scary to think About. Truth. God, I Hate work so much. That's enough of breaking everybody Down. I've got two whole weeks left of work Guys. And then the summer. And guess what? My family did this summer, planned a bunch of Vacations. God damn it. I have Tried so hard, Rob. Just you Get so mad Anytime everybody brings up how much You got left in the year and stuff. So I've tried Not to. So strong. I'm sure Barry from Oh no. Barry from Burnsville Will call in soon. It's going to happen soon. Cause we're In the daylight pretty soon here. So Aaron, rolling going. How's it going with you? It's rolling good. Good. I did want to give a Quick update on, on burgers and Shrinkage. I have I've resigned myself to go in 90, 10 on burgers for the grill this summer. I just, I don't Care anymore. It's fine That my kid's going to douse it and catch up Anyway. It's just for me. It's Just, if I go 90, 10, it fits the Bun. It's fine. I'm just, that's what I'm doing

[44:00]At home. What else are we putting in? You and I Just going straight burger. Just straight burger. Of course We've had this discussion, Matt, you and I differ on that. It's okay. Well, sometimes I do. I mean, sometimes I put Fish sauce in, but otherwise straight burger. You know, I've started doing fish sauce too, Aaron Since you did. You and I Should get married. Cause my wife keeps going. She goes, Why don't you, why don't you go 93, Seven on the burgers? Why don't you go 90, 10? I was like, Oh, Oh no. We're not Three seven is. Yeah. I was like, we're not. She's Like, well, why don't she would go like a hundred Zero if she could. She doesn't care about taste. She doesn't care About it. I'm like, no, I am. I am. First Of all, I get my meat delivered in a box. I have no idea what these burgers are. I'm not looking At, Oh, I'm going to look at the fat content of It. Right. Yeah. Sure. Okay. Second Of all, the burger should taste good. That's the Number one reason. I mean, my issue is just Like, I've never made a perfect grilled burger with 80, 20. It's just always messes me up with The size and the shape and everything. I just can't. But I did want us to, we talked, I Said that we were talking about My in-person last week in my Rolling going. So I'm going to, I'm going to tell you that I Went to San Francisco for an In-person leadership

[45:00]Program. So I was there with 90 other middle management type Leader folks. Now, Aaron, that, this Sounds like something that should have an acronym for a name. Okay. I mean, it's the SLP. Thank you. I was there for the SLP. Aaron, I got to do this. Aaron, I got to Do this. I got to do this. I'm going to do this in two weeks. So I'm very excited. I did make a mistake. They told me that even though We were local, we should plan to Stay at the hotel all three nights, like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. And I was like, no, I'm not Going to do that. Like, I'm going to come home. And I stayed Monday night. I was like, I'll stay one night. That's my one night. I'll go Out in the city. It's fine. And then It turns out commuting sucks. I'd forgotten About that. So then I commuted Every day After that. I was like, why? They gave me the choice to not commute Like I could have stayed at the hotel. That was bad. But This guy Loves his family. I do love my family. I want to be with my family. If my work said, hey, you could stay at a hotel room By yourself for three days, I'd

[46:00]Be like, all you would see is a dust Shadow of me. I would be at the hill. Goodbye. You know who would be happy about it, too? My family. Everybody would be happy. Win-win. We call that a win-win. Anna did say, like, you should have stayed. But I thought I came home Tuesday night. And then Wednesday. Anyway. But Monday night. So Monday night was my Night. I was like, this is it. There was supposed to be dinner at the hotel. I was like, well, I'll do dinner with the thing and then Go out and get a drink by myself after. Because I like to drink by myself. And then we got done At 5 p.m. On Monday. And they were like, well, you've got an Hour to hang out in your room if you want. And then Dinner is back here in this, like, basement Ballroom where you just had lunch Today. And I was like, that's not happening. Not doing That. So I took myself out for A San Francisco bar crawl. And I went to I went And had dinner by myself. I had a Meatball sandwich on focaccia at Mario's Bohemian Cigar Store. Oh, that sounds good. There we go. Yeah. Then I

[47:00]Read Lonesome Dove in Washington Square. Oh, that's good. Then I went to Tony Nix for a mezcal Negroni where I thought I could watch The Spurs and the Thunder, but instead they were Playing the Giants and the Diamondbacks. Oh, And I went to the Golden Sardine. Should we all go around and name our favorite Diamondback Player? Oh, it's Luis Gonzalez all day. No question. You mean all time or right now? Right now. Oh, Cattell Marte. He just Hit like a 490-foot bomb the other night. That's what I was going to say, too. Then I had a glass of Cotarone at the Golden Sardine. Oh, God, I forgot we're still going with this thing. And then I went over to City Lights Books where The guy who was checking people out at City Lights Books had previously Been at Mario's Bohemian Cigar Store having A cappuccino before his shift. The drunk book guy. And I bought two. I was drunk. That was the Drunk book buyer. I bought two books. Wow. I bought this book called The Motherland Hotel, translated from

[48:00]Turkish, and it's about this guy who works At a hotel and has sex with the maid Every day, but then he falls in love with this other lady Who comes by. It's pretty wild. And then I went next door to Vesuvio and had a Fernet. And then I was going to go home, back To the hotel, but I was like, I Am walking right by Mr. Bings. I was like, I gotta stop at Mr. Bings Because that's where Anthony Bourdain used to go. So I Stopped at Mr. Bings for a Pacifico, Got in a Waymo and went home. Went to bed at midnight. I was back In the gym at 7 a.m. And in my seat first SLP at 8 a.m. That was my Monday night. That is a crazy Aaron. Monday night. Yes. And you did That Monday night and then Tuesday night you're like, Better go save my family. Yeah. I mean, I Took Bart over and met Anna at Tallboy for Martinis before we picked Wallace up from Pokemon Club. But yeah, It's so crazy that Mr. Google's a billionaire, but Mr. Bing only Owns a dive bar. I know I rent a place for Mr. Ask Jeeves.

[49:00]Listen, call Me. Call me Mr. Alta Vista. Dr. Alta Vista is my dad. Yeah, it was Fun. I used to go out to North Beach a lot When I worked over there and I don't very often. So I tried To hit every place that I Used to go to. And then there was a couple of new places That I had to hit to. But the whole bummer was The weather was so nice outside that I couldn't Go inside to watch the sports Until I was like, well, this is double overtime. I got to See it. And then I go in and they're not playing the game Brutal. I just in classic Game one. There is nothing now Like being an adult, especially if you have Kids where if you just have a night out Like Jenny and I just walked from the gym And we saw an Italian place. We're like, we're going to eat there. Guess What? Great dinner. It was like I was like, this is one of the Greatest nights we've had in a long time. Zero planning. No nothing. Okay, but the one thing it didn't have My family. Okay, let's Think about That was it. That was my night out. How's it rolling? This is a look every You know, dad does before he gets divorced

[50:00]Or he's picturing his life. None of Which is going to happen. You know what I mean? Like he's Picturing like picturing a Nice apartment with furniture In it. Not just a folding chair. I mean if I was on my own, There is no way I would have like A table Yet, right? I think I think Aaron, I'm curious on Your opinion on this. You know, For me, having been there a couple times, like San Francisco Gets this reputation Of course is like, hey, to Ashbury and You know, all that kind of stuff. But I think It truly is like one of the most Incredible cities for like Walkable, like dive bar Restaurant neighborhoods. Like you Walk in places that look like they burned down Yesterday and have like the Goddamn greatest meal or greatest drink you've Ever had in your life. Absolutely. It's such a Great place. Yeah, such a great place to wander. If you just get into the right little neighborhood, There's so many of them. It's such a great place For that. And I don't get over there that often. You're absolutely Right. What a great night. God, that's

[51:00]A great night. And then the Next day how do you top off a great night like That? The next day you're at your slurp. I don't know. You're slurping it Up. Did anybody at the leadership conference go? No, I'm not doing this. And everybody's Like, damn, this guy's now in Charge. He's even a better leader. No, that didn't happen. I did. I don't know. I saw a couple Of people get really angry at one another for no good Reason, but There's some Mean folks there. How's it all going with Rob? I think I might be doing too Many drugs, and I have two Reasons why. Is it a black eye? No. Okay, so this black eye Is an unfortunate black eye because I do not know how it happened. I know I did jujitsu the Last two nights. I know I probably put My head into somebody to like smush them down Because I have my main move in jujitsu These last two days is I get on all Fours and I try to curl up in a ball So they can't choke me.

[52:00]It's not good. They can always choke me, But I Have I feel like I Might be doing too many drugs because I have replaced Almost all my music Listening with Techno. I don't know What has happened, but that's heavy Drugs. I am. I know That's what I was thinking because I will be at Work. I'll be at work Like grading papers, and I'm Listening to Eric Prids puts out this Radio station show where he Just plays his set list. And so it'll literally just be like this To open up this week's episode. Is there anything from the new Mr. Fingers album? Mr. Fingers put out a new album. I was Listening to that the other morning. What's up with the disco? I'm listening to this for like an hour. I'm listening to this when I'm lifting Weights. I'm listening to this Like at home when I'm doing Stuff like I'm listening To this all the time. And I realized Every day like it's really hard

[53:00]Listening to techno. First of all, How can I listen to this? This fucking rips. And I do this a lot with my hand. I'm kind of do like the point thing like the back and forth Point thing. When you know Somebody's listening to electronic techno, they're just Like I'm raving out in my head. The problem is You will never hear the song Ever again. You know what I mean? You'll Never hear it on the radio. There's like You can't go find it. You can't like Make your playlist of your favorite techno songs. Yeah, it's hard to even find like Like I can't share this With somebody. I'd be like, oh, listen to this part. The part where it sounds Like a robot. I love that part. That's a really long time before the beat Drops. See, this is what I'm talking About, Aaron. Now you're hooked too. I gotta Know. When's the beat gonna drop? Okay. This is a mashup we did with Daft Punk and Blue Monday. It's actually Fucking sick. Look it up on YouTube. It's fucking

[54:00]Cool. This is gonna really Fuck 80 of the two of them streets. This is not Gonna be fun to listen to at 2X. This is so fun. Guys, I gotta stop because I Want to listen to this stuff. There we go. I mean, how can you not? Oh, it's your favorite song. Right. Love this song. I mean, guys, how Do I get into techno? How do I live without you? I can't admit to people I listen to techno. It's crazy. My experience. That was like, I think that's part of it is the idea That you can't listen to it over again. I feel like I've Tried to get like not really given Huge efforts to get into techno before, but Try it a little bit because I know a bunch of my friends got Into big like EDM phases back in our Late 20s music and stuff. But Like you would hear things like that That you really like, you're like, oh, this fucking rips And then you go try to find other stuff and You just can't. You can't recreate it. You can't Like seek that out. No It finds you in many ways Going to go out dancing Man. What's your relationship with techno? I mean, You're a music guy. I like it. Do you know those house? Yeah I

[55:00]For whatever reason, I put on more Like house music than techno, Which I don't think the thing is Like very minute Difference because I think it's much more like on A like it's computer Made. It's not like a DJ who's Doing all this. I don't quite know The difference of it, but I turn It on all the time at work and I usually I put like a soft mellow. I think it's like mellow Techno or I forget the name mellow House station like mellow house And then without lyric. I Try to get without. Yeah, like put some of this stuff On. Wait, I can't control the volume Of this is too loud. I'm really Into house music. I love Crosby, Stills Nash and y'all. Thank you. My problem is I wanted beams that were thick Aaron. I was like, hey, beams need to be thick To hold up the house and it turned out. Guess what it was. It was a very Fine house. It was not thick at all. It was just very fine house. Very fine.

[56:00]Meanwhile, Hulk Hogan was like Very fine. Turns his barber Do that for me, please. That's the look I'm after. Very fine. So I try to put on mellow house or mellow Something mellow. There's like a Mellow beach vibe one to Picked up in San Diego a while ago. Do you ever do this with your thumbs like I'm doing right now? No, it's more a little more of a head. Just A head. I try. It's kind of well, this is good Rap because you're going to love our episode next Week. We have Donna Summer. She basically Like started. She's the progenitor, Right? Yeah, I'm not going to hate it. You're going to be Wishing that it was whatever Eric Pritt song you found. You're just going to hate it. That's how it goes. I'd be like Donna Summer. I'll get into it. Can I give you a little sneak peek, Andy? I already texted these guys and I said the album is too Slow and I think it's because I'm a techno head Now. Okay. I mean, what am I supposed To do? Go to concerts with half-dressed women And take a bunch of drugs? I Don't think so. Okay. I'd rather come home and hang out with my family.

[57:00]And then the second reason Is, is that I watched a clip of Undercover boss on TikTok and made me cry. All right. So let's Talk about the show. Let's talk about literally And that is where album number 283 Is Rob's first sincere moment. I cried to undercover Boss. Move Along. What was the situation? Well, the stockholders Weren't getting enough return. So He had to cut some labor And he did it. I was like, oh, thank goodness. Thank goodness. I was long. Now the short squeeze is going to hit. I'm sad. Yes. Made me cry my eyes out. So just So emotional. Don't worry. There's a thing called Cobra. You guys will be fine for a bit. All right. Sorry, Andy. Sorry. It's actually an opportunity. What if I told you This is the best day of your life? There's one thing you can't buy.

[58:00]And that's time. And I got good news for you Because you're going to have a lot of it. Listen, We are talking about Merle Haggard, some album. I don't even know what it was Because this album, I looked it up Like today. We had to do a little scramble To find who would possibly co-host A Merle Haggard episode with us. We had no idea who could possibly be the guy from Iowa. No way. I had a short list. I remember he already brought multiple Merle Haggard songs on a list the last time he was On. I got news. Sorry, Rob. The only ones I knew. So, We have Andy And I was listening and I looked at the album And I was like, oh, well, I wonder Is it like a short album? Is it something that Andy Could listen to really quickly before he comes on the show? Because there's one thing we need from our Special guest host is that We need them to be able to listen to the whole album. It's essential. And it turns out This album was a hundred songs long. A hundred songs. A hundred. Okay.

[59:00]The album was 289 Minutes. I can't even do the Math. Okay. And I used to have that job As a janitor. How many minutes? 289. How many minutes? 289. I saw that written on the board. 289 minutes Equals how many hours? And nobody could Solve it. Okay. And I went up there And solved it no problem. I'm just a janitor. And then it turned out the Professor that was supposed to be in there Had taken a huge shit. And I had to go fix that. That's the part of the movie they don't show. Or do they? I think they do show some janitor stuff. Rob, it's not your fault. I got to consult my criterium collection. We do need Russell for this. I know. This is the Russell spot right here. You know, at some point, Good Will Hunting, they're like, okay, is it Going to be shit in a toilet or is somebody going to barf? How are we going to show how hard it is for him To not be a super smart genius?

[1:00:00]You know what? Hair in the drain. That's the answer, By the way. I don't know if any of you guys are living the Hair in the drain lifestyle that I am. I don't know what's going on with the Women that live in my house. I would not surprise me if Sinead O'Connor is walking around here because these women are Losing their hair like crazy. Okay? And I've got the orange thing that you stick In and you pull out the hair. I do it so much, it doesn't even bother me. I grab the hair off of there, just throw it in the toilet And flush it. It's not the grossest thing in The world. What's your guys' hair in the drain situation? Once every Once or twice A year. About twice a year. Oh, Aaron. I mean, Aaron, come on. Hey, come on. It's not mine. That's what I mean. Although, actually, you're probably Shaving more hair off than I am. You think about it. Listen, Aaron, no more about This. We've got to talk about Merle Haggard. So here's the deal. We're not talking about this freaking elf. A hundred songs are rude. To put this on, Lazy, okay, By Rolling Stone. So instead, what we did Is we found the 14 best songs, and I just Realized I still haven't gotten that song from you, Andy.

[1:01:00]I've got to figure, we'll do that in just a second. I'm not too worried about it. I thought we were Listening to Merle Hay's greatest hits. Oh, my God. World War II. I went to the mall all day. Buffalo gals, would you come out tonight? Come out tonight. Buffalo gals, Would you come out tonight? I made a huge mistake. I went down to Ankeny and went to this mall For this episode. I thought it was about the mall. Brown hair. Listen, Okay, Merle Haggard, here's what you need to know. He grew up In a converted boxcar. He is Literally a boxcar kid. Wow. Okay. When they were playing Dice, if they both got two sixes, they said house. I mean, that's how much It was a boxcar. Crazy. He made all those books about him. Do you think the guy who invented the boxcar name Was like, do you think he took it early lunch? Hey, what are we going to call these things? Boxcars. We're good. That's good Because my last one I came up with is caboose. That makes no sense. Caboose?

[1:02:00]What? There's nothing. What? And yet, Caboose went so far That it's kind of like the Velcro. You know what I mean? It's like Kleenex. Hey, buy some Kleenex. It became The caboose. Now, everything is a caboose. If a woman has a big butt, it's called a caboose. And yet, the caboose is not Called the butt of the train. It makes no sense. Guys, let's start Calling the back piece of bread the caboose. Something to think about. Now, instead of The heel. Writing. So, he's writing A lot of his songs. He's writing about poverty. He's writing about prison Because he grew up Basically in abject poverty And he literally Went to prison for three years. His brother gives him a guitar when he's 12. He learns how to play it himself. And at 20, he goes in for What is probably the funniest Name of a crime that's not funny. You know what I mean? Like, tell me Another crime that's funnier than this one.

[1:03:00]Burglary. It's a great name. Hey, what happened to you? I was burgling somebody. I got caught. God, I was burgling them so hard. Yeah, I know they're not happy to be burgled, but It's what I do. I'm a burglar. You know what I mean? I used to get burgled. First of all, I've got a co-worker Who goes to Thailand every year because he loves the culture. And he says that one thing he loves Is to get burgled. Rob, can you take your headphones off for a second? I don't know if I can. I'm on a roll. I think it's right. I think he's taking too many drugs. I think it's too many drugs. We found it. We found the too many drugs. We found it. If an alien. If an alien came down from outer space And you said, burgle me, He would definitely do something sexual. And yeah, I said he, Aaron. Check your bias. The alien in my story is a man. I'm open to that. The doctor's a lady. Oh my God. She's watching.

[1:04:00]Aaron's family's calling in the Hamburglar With all these 90 tens. Meanwhile, Aaron's keeping all the fat And making soap out of it. Just washing my face. Candles, actually. You want to talk about a DVD collection movie? I am using my shave soap as a bike stand And it does have tallow in here, So you're not that far off. Wow. You know what, Aaron? I can't make fun of you for that. I kind of want some tallow. This is good. I'll send you some. It's good stuff. I'm actually running low on shave soap. I actually have almost no shave soap left. I'll send you a picture. I got to get some shave soap. I'm tallowing it up. Me, you, and RFK. Now, Merle, at 20, He sent again for burglary. Not funny. If it happens to you, okay? And attempted escape from prison. County jail. See? Not as funny of a crime. Like that one? Attempted escape? Stuck between the bars. While serving his sentence, He plays in the country band. He gets his equivalency course And he sees fucking Johnny Cash At San Quentin Prison.

[1:05:00]He is in the crowd for that concert. Wow. He then comes out. He gets hired as a guitarist In Buck Owen's band. He has 37 top 10 hits And 23 number one singles. The late 60s, I'm going to argue that Merle Haggard Might have been one of the biggest names In music in the late 60s. It's crazy. And what's crazy is how long This career spans, too, Which is kind of how we set up these songs. And then in 1972, Reagan gave Haggard a full pardon As governor of California. Now, this raised a question I had. The governor of California Can give full pardons? Can the governor give pardons, too? I'm confused about that, too. So he was in San Quentin Because that was federal? No, okay. Let's look this up. San Quentin's federal, right? Or is it state? Pardon. Now, here's the thing. If I put in Merle, Merle, pardon. Is this going to be the right Merle? Let's find out. Is it going to be Merle here Or Merle Haggard? Okay. Yeah. Then Governor California, Ronald Reagan, Granted him a full And unconditional pardon.

[1:06:00]Then his crimes Must have been state crimes. We got to get a lawyer on here. Geez, what are we doing? What are we doing? We got a lawyer on here. Okay. So then, Then we're going to jump All the way to April 6th. It's his birthday. April 6th, 2016. It's his birthday. His 79th birthday. What do you get for a man? Named Merle Haggard On his 79th birthday? A coffin Because it's the day he died. All right. Let's get into Nothing funnier Than making fun of dead people For being dead. I'm not making fun of dead people. He literally died on his birthday. He got a coffin for a gift. Robert, are you going to play 50 cents? It's like his death birthday. First song, Number one on our list That we made is Strangers. This is a Liz Anderson song. Oh, Liz. 1964. That's crazy That they were sitting On their hands And jerk it off. Somebody had to do it. Remember that movie Where they're in the cabin

[1:07:00]And there's those guys In the woods And then when you're sitting There watching it, You're sitting down Your hand And then jerk it off. All right. This song is outstanding, By the way, And I feel like I was, You know, I'm not like a huge Merle Haggard guy. Hello. Hello. A huge Merle Haggard guy. I tried to escape prison, But I'm too large To get through the box. I'm too large to get through the box. I'm too large to get through the box. I'm too large to get through the box. I've only listened To the other 85 Of the 100 songs, Unfortunately, But I do think What I do know of him, I do think some of his appeal Is like his vocal register Is perfectly sing-alongable. Yes. I feel like it's like It's not incredibly distinct. It's not incredibly high, Incredibly low. It's just right there In a perfect range To like really resonate. And I think it's really interesting When you listen to this Because we're going to span Like doing math in my head. Now you are going Some years And you're going to hear His voice change And the whole time It sounds good. It sounds like Merle Haggard When you think like Outlaw country, This is the voice You think of.

[1:08:00]Swinging doors. When he got out of prison, He was digging ditches. This is 1966 And he was working At local honky-tonks. Oh, he was in Bakersfield. Okay, so Bakersfield, California. So he must have committed His crimes in California. Karen. Is he playing guitar on this? It's a good question, Aaron. I do not know. So you said that like When you think of outlaw country, This is what you think of. And I totally agree. However, listening to these, I felt like his voice is almost like It doesn't have a ton of twang to me. It's a little almost more like Crooner-ish. It's the instrumentation That makes it so outlaw country to me. And I guess I didn't really remember That about his voice, But it was just a lot like More pristine than I remember. Yeah. Like with a different band, He could have been a pop singer, right? But isn't that true of like A George Jones, too? You know what I mean? Like kind of a Real voice.

[1:09:00]But George did have a little bit More of a country thing. But so we kind of have These early songs, right, Where he's talking about Being in bars and being let down. And then you're like, Boy, I wonder if in 1966 He's going to release A more positive song. And of course he does. It's called The Bottle Let Me Down. This motherfucker drank. Yeah, bro. Like this guy boozed. You can hear it in there, right? He's like, he's like, I went to San Francisco And in one night I had three drinks. Which was so much. Just an alcoholic. Andy, what's the bottle That you kind of shiver When you walk by in a liquor store? Jägermeister. Oh, okay. That got me. Yep. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, my, I had a party At my mom's house Summer after senior year Of high school. Not the one that got busted. That was during senior year Of high school.

[1:10:00]But I somehow, Nothing happened to me. But I had a party In the summer after senior year And my friend Tom Hansel and I Was the first time I ever had Jäger. We just sat at the kitchen counter Like just ripping Jäger And Red Bull. It was one of those like, This is amazing. This is a revelation. And then you just can't stand It the rest of your life. I mean, that's the big irony, Right, of those bars That buy those Jäger shots Dispensers or makes it so cold. It's like, oh, this is so good. And then nobody ever Does that twice. Nobody's ever like, Hey, we should go back To that place with the Jäger shots That have a bunch of good. That was really cool. Remember how it felt like Black liquor shit in my mouth For the next couple of days? I love that. Sing me back home. So this is kind of The prison part of his life. This is 1967. Where he starts singing About his time in prison And kind of doing What all these guys did, Which is like making up Stories about their time in prison. Although he was actually One that, You know, really served. Like, let him sing. Aaron, what do you think Of Merle Haggard? Like, where does he belong In the pantheon of,

[1:11:00]I mean. I mean, I might be Giving my takeaway. I do love his voice. I think the next song We're about to hear Is probably a top 10 song Of all time. This song's pretty slow. I mean, he's in my Top Saturday morning, You know, guys. But I would put Chris Christopherson's First two albums Over most of this stuff As a country. Yeah, that's my Go-to country stuff. I love it. I love that. One thing about Merle Haggard is He did not care That he was ugly as fuck. You know what I mean? If you look at his albums, Almost every album cover Is a close-up on his face. And he's just like, Yeah, guess what? I look like this. And I'm still a fucking star. You're like, it's unbelievable. Mama Tried. This is, of course, I mean, come on. Once again, For Mother's Day this year, I copied my post I made last year For Mother's Day And just put it back up again With this song playing. With various pictures Of my mom looking Disgusted at me In the background. And of course, Yes, Aaron, It did start with The first picture. And I will say this,

[1:12:00]If you're looking for Versions of the song To play in a podcast, There are one million Versions of the song Out there. Different speeds, Different sounds. This is one I would never, I don't think I've ever Heard a cover of And I don't think I ever would want to. No, no, no. Now, of course, In Karaoke Club, Would I sing this song As my first song Every once in a while? You know I would. And then I realized I was singing to a bunch Of children about About how you couldn't Get it right. But I started to think About making Such a great song. But listen You want to talk About a beat drop? I would say right here. Listen to this. Yep. Oh, shivers. I mean, If you wanted to Still country down To a line. That's it, right? I turned 21 in prison. It's like, You don't need to hear Anything else. You know what the Whole song is. Yeah. To me, I think it's incredible That like, I don't think you could Tell a story in two words Like you can by saying

[1:13:00]Mama Tried. Mama Tried. You were right. God damn, you were right. It's unbelievable to me. And I was looking, I was trying to make, I started thinking about Making a list of it Like that. So I was looking up songs With two word titles And none of them Are as evocative as that. Wow. Nah. I like that. Well, what about this one? Hungry Eyes. Now I know what you're thinking. Dirty Dancing? No. This is the Hungry Eyes That he gets Some residuals on Due to some misplays. This is from his, When he was growing up, He was living in a labor camp. So in 1969, Nice, He released this song. But even this, Like Hungry Eyes, Like right away, You're like, Oh, I know. I can picture exactly What he's singing about. It bums me out. What's wild to me Is how sweet Most of these songs are. Like it's outlaw country And then you're like, Well, this is like A fucking heartbreaking Sweet sounding song. Yeah. It's, It's, I had never really Listened to Merle Haggard. He would come on my Outlaw country station Every once in a while. And he had a couple songs

[1:14:00]I like and of course I love Mama Tried. But I'm telling you, Today I was trying To listen to this And the Donna Summer album. I could not listen To the Donna Summer album Because I wanted to keep Listening to this Collection of songs That we made. Workin' Man Blues. Now this, of course, One thing I love, Aaron. Listen, If you're going to do a song Where there's random Metal clangs going on In the background, You know what? Big up to you. You got my, You got my vote. Yes. Okay? There's some metal clangs In this shit. There was a whole, You mentioned vote, Rob. I don't want to get Into politics, But there was an article In the New York Times Today about people Trying to claim Working class When they're not Or that's like A whole new thing. There's some oyster farmer Running for office In Maine And they're questioning His working man bona fides. It's a whole thing now. I will say this And I don't want to get Political either, okay? But everything I read, Like when you're listening To him sing about stuff, You're like, Everything's so, So fucking circular. This, All these bits Have been done And they're being done again.

[1:15:00]It's like, The idea that this guy Has seven number one Songs in a row And then he comes out And makes a song Called Working Man Blues Is so good. Working Man Blues, Listening to it today, Like really resonated With me after quitting My email job. I mean, Me and Merle Haggard Are just the same. We're exactly Like each other. You've got the calluses On the bottom side Of your thumb From hitting the space bar. That's what Karl Marx Would have said. That's what he would have said For sure. I did, I did go up to the cabin Last weekend And a neighbor Had a, Had a, Well, The pump went out. So me and one Of Sarah's cousins Went to fix the damn thing, Right? Replace it. And it was so goddamn fun. And I felt like An actual human being Who was like using wrenches And like putting stuff together And putting pipe tape on And all that good stuff. And then it worked And you just feel like An accomplished human being. Now, Matt, What would have happened If you would have said, Listen, I'm going to take a picture of this And put it in a chat GBT And let's see what it suggests to do.

[1:16:00]How would the crowd up there Have taken that? Do you think? Pretty well. Oh, There was a couple of times When things like that happened, You know, Like, Why is this? Oh, We got an air leak. Okay. Well, We got to tighten that Stuff like that. Meanwhile, They get, It's a get my zoom run. I got to turn off My clogged girlfriend. I've made. Right. I also, I also long of a time. Will you love me? That's right, Aaron. I made it offensive. Hey, Clogged girlfriend. Be more offensive. And Aaron, What would they say? Do you think if they were Being more offensive? I just say one thing. Like my girlfriend Would say defensive shit. My online. I'm not going to. What would you say? I think she'd say, I know you like it When I put you in your Aaron. We don't kink shape on here. You're trying to clip my, You're trying to get me To say me love you a long time And clip it. And I'm not going to do it. It was my, It was my birthday last week. Imagine. All right.

[1:17:00]Please. Okay. I got to move on here And I'm obsessed with this. Okie from Muskogee. He writes this song And basically He then comes out And says, Listen, The song was supposed to be Kind of a satirical Protest to the protesters Because they were kind of Pissing me off. And all of a sudden, Of course, The song gets co-opted by, You know, I don't know how else to say it. The conservatives Because they're basically Richard Nixon or someone, Right? Yeah. Now, I don't think he fought it That hard. You know, I think he's maybe Just playing both sides of the fence. But I did have trouble. This is one issue I have with Merle Haggard Is when I listen to these songs Like this, I'm kind of like, Really, You're an outlaw country guy And you're going to tell me How much I should like Love my government. You know what I mean? Like, How do you deal with that When these guys talk about Stuff that maybe you just don't? Eric Pridz never Says stuff like this. You know what I mean? It's pretty easy to ignore now. You just choose to listen To Mama Tried And nothing else.

[1:18:00]Well, listen, This, of course, Is an Okie from Muskogee Because he did, Leave Oklahoma With his family When he was young. But it got me thinking, Aaron. Yep. Okay. Did you make a list? What are some of the best songs About loving states Of all times? Oh, okay. All right. Okay. So this is a list Of the best. Are we doing Edmund Fitzgerald or no? Aaron, You know, You're bringing up Edmund Fitzgerald. It's not even Edmund Fitzgerald season. Okay. Do not, We don't do that Until later in the year. You know, I'm going to sing along To the karaoke and come on. What, What, What state is in Edmund Fitzgerald? I just assume He says Minnesota Somewhere in there, Right? Does he not? I think he mentions Duluth maybe, But I don't know. Here's the thing. I've never listened to it. I didn't pick, Like, For example, They might be giants, New York city. They didn't do it, Aaron. It's a city. They talk about how much They love the city, Not the state of New York. Okay. So I've got the top songs Where they're talking About states that they love.

[1:19:00]Number five on the list Or what, How many do I have? Number six on the list. Okay. Is, Of course, The classic Leonard Skinner. Now, We have not heard Any Leonard Skinner On this list. Crazy. They got to have an album That's better Than some of these albums, Don't they? Do they? I mean, Here's the question, Man. I see you shaking your head. If you hadn't heard This song so many times, Would it be a good song still? I mean, This is one of the most Overplayed. This would be a good song, But like, You know, Like 38 special Has some great song. Yeah. Like, You know, Like you get a lot Of these bands That are great live bands That have like one Huge commercial hit. Now, They've got Freebird And a couple other songs. Yeah, Just Freebird. That's all. Yeah. Or, Of course, Then they have the one About the guy Who plays guitar. I'm surprised Their debut album Isn't on though. It's got Tuesday's Gone, Three Steps, Simple Man, And Freebird on it. It's not on the list. That one should be

[1:20:00]On the list. Very similar. Is there any Skinner On the list at all? I bet Call Me Leonard Skinner Has to be on there, Right? Or whatever it is. Next up. What a great band name. Now, You might think This list has a different Theme, Aaron, After I play this next band. Number five on the list. Okay. John Denver, Take Me Home, Country Road. Oh. I mean, It's a great song. 381. Leonard Skinner Is at 381. Now, You might think to yourself, What does Leonard Skinner And John Denver Have in common? Of course, Horrific plane crashes. Oh, I see. Now, Did I try to find More bands That had state songs And playing Crashes? Yes. Okay, There weren't any more. So, Just to let you know, This is the end Of my mini list Within the list. It's an inception list. But this is such a great song. I mean, This song, I bet, How many people do you think Have gone to West Virginia Because of this song? A lot. Yeah. Hey, And then you find A mountain mama And then she burgles you?

[1:21:00]They play this, I mean, I was there 25 years ago, But they play this At the beer hall In Munich And our tour guide Was like, When you go tonight, The polka band Is going to play this song And every American In the place Is going to stand up And scream West Virginia Even if they've never Been to West Virginia And sure as shit, Every American stands up And screams West Virginia Every time. Yeah, One of our proudest states. I've never been to West Virginia. Okay. God, I can't wait to see What happens To all those programmers They've been training there. You know what I mean? Like, Hey, That was a great idea. All right. Next up, Of course, Guys, We've already heard this album. Classics and Country Western, One of our favorites. This became The state song Of Georgia. That's how Good it is. God, Songs are good, Aren't they? There's just some songs That are good. They just are. I can't even make a joke About this song. It's good. There's no jokes. Ugh. Now, Of course, Do you want to get fired up?

[1:22:00]Okay. What song About a state Is so good That it literally became The fight song For the school? This, I literally Thought about Tennessee Because of this song. Like, It's so fucking good. Jeez, What is this recording? This fucking rule. This is a good one. Yeah. Live version. They're the Osmond Brothers Are the original artists, Right? What's that? The Osmond Brothers Are the original artists, Aren't they? Yes. Are they? Yeah. Wow. It's outstanding. And they were not involved In any plane crashes. Okay. Google told me that. So I looked it up. Go ahead. Because I was like, Ray Charles, I was like, Like, There's a joke You could make there, Obviously, But I don't think He was involved In a plane crash. And then, Of course, Number two on the list. Okay. A song about states. It's a band. It's called Atmosphere With Sashua. See if you can figure out What state they're Talking about here. Oh, I do love this song. In the land of ice and snow.

[1:23:00]This is a bonus. What's a break about? Prince Lou's here. We got 10,000 lakes. Yes, This was. You had to listen All the way through To the end of the album To hear this one. This is a song All about Minnesota. This is a great song. Well, This one's on the current. It's a song About Minnesota. It's in there. Behind the breasts And they're the hair. I realized, Listen, Aaron and his brother Are going to be on there. Okay. Spoiler, They're brothers. We were going to do The big reveal At the end of the podcast. Most personal relatives. Apparently, They have a stepbrother, Which still fucking blows my mind. We didn't get our sister On here either, But someday. We just got around To realizing You have a sister Like episode 250. The stepbrother thing Is going to be way out there. Now, I had to find a song About Iowa. Okay. So, Of course, And I know what you're thinking. Is he going to play The Iowa fight song again?

[1:24:00]No. Of course, There's a great, Probably the best song About Iowa By Manfred Mann's Earth Band. This song is called Stranded in Iowa. It's about being stuck in Iowa Because, Of course, It is a piece of shit state That you are. You're down there. Everybody's dumber. Everything moves a little slower. They play blackjack In a different way. I've never heard of this. No. Guys, This is my boy. I love this song. I listen to it every day. How have I never heard of it? Yeah. Yeah. And you know what? What? Those are the greatest songs. Rob, I sent you a bonus track. Are you able to play it? Yes, I can. Where'd you send it? Gmail. Where? Oh, Email? Oh, My God. Now you're going to watch me do this. What is this list? Is this list supposed to be what now? The best songs about states. Stranded in Iowa. Okay. Oh. I really never heard it. This song is fucking good. Oh. Why do you think I sent you this one,

[1:25:00]Rob? Alabama Rain. Oh. Listen. Jim Croce. How did Jim Croce die, Rob? Not like John Denver, Because he was on an experimental plane. You know what I mean? He was just in a regular plane. Jesus. That's a nice song. It's crazy. God, I love Jim Croce so much. Jim Croce is highly underrated. Oh, I just love him so much. You know what, Guys? That was a great list, And I'm sure. Great list. Best list tonight. That's all. You did better. Missed one, Really. That's okay. What did I miss? Mississippi Queen by Mountain. Oh, Yes. But Mississippi Queen's not praising Mississippi. It's praising somebody who might burgle you down in Mississippi. You know what I mean? Hey, Do you know what I mean? Mississippi Queen, If you know what I mean. I mean, Mountain asked you that. What'd you do there? You know what? That's like when I had. So here's the deal, Right? Is Mountain was actually my math teacher,

[1:26:00]And he was like, I got three numbers. What's the middle? Of the numbers. And I said, I don't know. And he goes, Mississippi Queen, If you know what I mean. Do you think there's a song about every state? I mean, There is a song about every state, But do you think there's like a relatively popular song about every state? No, There's no song about North Dakota. There's none. There just isn't. Wyoming. Yeah. I mean, I guess cities in the state. I'm sure every state has a city that has a song about it, But not necessarily the state itself. North Dakota does not have a song about it. There's just no way. It's got to be a song about Fargo. Oh, My God. You nailed it. What? Californication. What's that about? California? Is that good? We're going to find out soon. It's coming up very soon. I'll tell you that right now. Listen, Guys, We don't have time to talk about this. We have to get back into the album. All right. Let's go. The fight inside of me. This song lost song of the year and single of the year to Merle Haggard for Okie from

[1:27:00]Muskogee. Oh, Wow. This is also 1970. So we started in 64. All these songs you just heard were in the last six years of his career, Which is crazy. Not the last. I like this song, Too, Even though it's another pissed off conservative song. Daddy Frank, The guitar man, 1971. He's getting a little bit more experimental here. Daddy Frank played the guitar. Because there's a tambourine in it? Yeah, I mean. It's definitely Dylan's voice, Right? Yes. Harmonica in there? Yeah. Which we love. And then we have If We Make It Through December. This song is named after his guitar player who had been through multiple divorces all Ending in December. This is track number one on his Christmas album, which I think I bought. It's Merle Haggard's Christmas present. Did I buy this and send it to you, Andy, or not? Oh. I think I might have decided not to send it because it has the song Daddy Won't Be Home

[1:28:00]Again for Christmas. And it is the saddest Christmas song you've ever heard in your life. Imagine if you're rosieswife at gmail.com or rosieswife at gmail.com too. And no, wait, rosieswife2 at gmail.com. God, that's why I get that Mailer Demon. Guys, Mailer Demon joke. Look out. Coming at you. And imagine that you're like at a holiday dinner. These two are talking to each other. And you're just like. You know what I mean? She said yes. She had a choice. I didn't have a choice. This is who I am. She said yes. If you bought it and didn't send it, then I need you to return the copy of Pretty Paper That I bought you. I will. This is sick. This is sick. Big City. This is 1982 now. You can hear his voice. This is kind of late stage Merle Haggard, where he really started singing about like

[1:29:00]Getting older and like moving to. He's talking about what it's like to live in a big city. Where do you think? Right now, you're you're retired. You're not working. Where do you picture yourself living? What do you think, Andy? Where you live in Johnston, Iowa? Baby, I hear it's gorgeous. That's a good question. I mean, like, I'm like one of those people that you travel to any city and You're like, I could live here. Yeah. So I guess it could be just about anywhere, but I don't really have like a dream location Necessarily. Well, my wife really wants to move to Clear Lake, Iowa, or wants a lake house there. But I do not want to do that. Oh, well, we know that's going to end up there, right? I would move there. She went to Lake House. I was like going through all the like reverse psychology, like, well, we'd have to get rid Of this and this. And yeah, I think I'd be okay with that. Okay. So anyways, I do not have a dream locale. Well, I'm not as close to retirement as you guys. If you think about it, that's one of the saddest things you could possibly say.

[1:30:00]Hey, Andy, what's your dream? Nothing. Not nowhere. Aaron, what's yours? I'm not working for a half week. It isn't working. I'm not working for a half week. It is the greatest half week of my life. Yeah. Mine's the mountains. Lake Tahoe. Anywhere near Tahoe. That's where I'm hoping to retire. Ooh. You know what? World's next year is in Reno. Aaron, we're thinking about taking some time in Lake Tahoe. I do need to try to get there this time. Oh, no. You don't want to come. It's always the last day of school. It's the last day of school. Aaron, Reno has one bubble craps machine in the whole city. I'd meet you there, though. Matt, where's your dream? I'd meet you there. Okay. Let's do it. I have no idea. You guys are so sad. Trevor trying to figure out Carolinas are nice. New York might be nice. I don't know. I was hanging out on Wayzata Bay today in Lake Minnetonka. That was pretty nice. I couldn't. Were you on the sex boat? I was not on the sex boat. I think that's down in Clear Lake, Iowa. I think it is. Right next to the Buddy Holly Museum with the Jim Croce exhibit.

[1:31:00]If you guys want to get the upgraded captain's package, the dildos are double-sided. Not many people take us up on that, but one of it's attached to Brian McKinney. Unfortunately, we won't tell you which part it's attached to the only one usable side. Can you imagine how big of a double-sided dildo you need? If you're hanging out with Brian McKinney, he'd just be like, was that a word? Oh, all right. It's the boat is down on Okoboji. Oh, wow. Wow. West Lake. What are you talking about? Wait. The sex boat. Like the actual sex boat? Yeah. I mean, it feels like you need to go, Andy. You got to go. Yep. It's called Scandalous. First of all. It's called Scandalous. If I call and make a reservation, I'm going to be like, I heard you guys are a bunch Of narcs.

[1:32:00]Okay. Are you going to narc on me if I get some people together? It's me. My friend, Fred. Okay. Do we have to bring our own Wizinator? Oh, different Viking scandal. Nevermind. Shit. Okay. I see where this is going. Rob, where are you retiring? You know what? I could do, I do sometimes see the old people kind of hovering around New York city, kind Of hobbling around. And I'm like, I don't know if I could do that. I could see myself in Northern Minnesota. I mean, it's boring. Like being on a Lake though. I could see that I am going to be in New York. I'm just, when you get like, how do you move to a brand new place? Cause imagine this now, what none of us said, we're moving to like Florida. We're moving somewhere hot. Is that what you want? Too hot. I don't know. I just kind of want the winter. I don't know. What do you. We're all too old for this question. It's like, if you start thinking about the logistics moving and like For me, like grandparents are nearby and like the kids like their schools. So like, I don't want to fucking do that.

[1:33:00]Too real. All right. What the fuck? Listen, I'm going to bleep that out. I'm going to bleep that out and everybody at home is going to be like, I'm going to Bleep that out. And everybody at home is going to be like, what did you say? It's a little treat for just us. Okay. Listen to that. By the way, that line works for a joke almost anytime. It never fails. Yeah. Knock. All right. Poncho and lefty. Okay. There's a couple of stories about how this came about. This is of course, Willie Nelson and Merle. Rob, did you ever own a poncho also known as a drug rug? Oh my God. I thought about, I talked about somebody about a drug rug the other day at the weight room. See owning one at some point. And they were like, that's racially insensitive is literally what they said to me. And I go, what? The guy I'm picturing, Jeff, who's wearing the drug rug is a white guy.

[1:34:00]I mean, did we both have a dreadlock hat? Yes, we did. Did we wear it? Can I just tell you? Technically? He's listening to Bob Marley, but he always skipped redemption songs. I'm so slow. Willie Nelson's daughter says, Hey, Merle and Willie are looking for a song. I suggested this. They recorded it. Okay. Now that story of course sounds very fake. Okay. The other part is what Merle says is we're partying at Willie's studio. Willie says, Hey, let's convince this song. Merle Haggard wakes up the next morning, goes, what the hell happened last night? What'd we do? And he goes, Oh, we recorded this song, poncho lefty. And Merle said, Oh, we better record it. Again. Willie goes, Nope. It's already in the can. It's off to New York. Now is either one of those stories true? Probably not. But what a great song. Poncho lefty guys. I mean, we're we're Aaron. Where's the highway men sit in this. You know what I mean? Like why haven't we, why wouldn't we just do a highwayman album instead of this? Or what do you say? Yeah.

[1:35:00]The highwaymen were great. They were falling into dams. They were seeing UFOs come down that highwayman song where Johnny Cash is like UFO comes Out. I'm like, fuck. Yeah, let's go baby. I'm, I'm more partial to the super group. The high women, but I'm just an advocate like that. I guess. Just an ally. I weigh them. Okay. Check your biases. All right. Listen, let's get into the rating system. The doctor is actually a they, them. I can only edit out so much of this podcast. We got to move on. There's only so many bleeps we get. Everybody at home is like, they're complaining. This episode is an hour and 40 minutes right now, but I've on my podcast player, it's Only been an hour and 15. That's cause Rob's trying on something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's how it is. You're already on a new time. All right. Where go? I think I wrote up. Close the pile. Okay. Review. I also saw a new guy on Squeeze meat. Okay. While you're on something that's actually, causeLook. Yeah. There's, there's some new stuff. That's not going so well. It's not quite ready for primetime. Now this couple of years, it might be actually. Okay.

[1:36:00]Unfortunately, we don't care about this Al but by the way a hundred songs and you know What broke me is I looked at the second to last song is twinkle little star. Oh, God. And I was like, I am not fucking listening to a song where the second to last one 98th Song is twinkle little star or whatever. It's no way I'm not doing it. So we put together this customized list. Okay. It still took us quite a long time to get through it. For some reason, We're all looking for the guy. But Andy, In case you don't get this at two X speed, Let me explain it very slowly. Rolling. Well, Toad is when it's perfect. Okay. Now I'm going to go micro machines guy mode. He's dead. So he doesn't say anything, But rolling bone would be, It should be higher on the list. This is Merle Haggard country superstar. I wouldn't. Okay. He should be on this list. He should be higher up. These songs were gorgeous. I could listen to this. I'll tell you what summer boat album playlists. Cause I'm not playing a hundred Merle songs. Or is this a rolling groan? Okay. We do not. We don't, You know, I'm going to hit a Russell groan here in spirit.

[1:37:00]Okay. I got to hear that one more time. I don't think I forgot about that. That would be rolling groan. That should be a lower on the list, Which of course is a higher number. Okay. Which, Which makes me think about, Of course it's state track season, The high jump, The higher you go, The lower your placement is. And in that case, It's higher up on the podium. Ah, Think about it. Time's a flat circle. What do you think? Rolling well, Toned, Rolling bone or rolling groan, Andy Merle Haggard, Whatever this album was. I think it's, I think it's rolling well toned. I think he needs to be represented on the list. He's a, A really important figure in music history as a kind of the, One of the paramours of, Of outlaw country. So, You know, I think he needs to be on the list. I think right in the middle is probably the right place. I'm going to say it's rolling well, Tone. Wow. Matt, What do you think? Rolling well, Toned, Rolling bone or rolling groan, Merle Haggard. I'd like to say it should be lower on the list, But Andy's right. He's belongs on the list and somewhere between two 50 and three 50 is

[1:38:00]Probably right. So two 84, I mean, Cripes, Splitting hairs. Still would rather listen to a Weezer at this point. We got speaker box coming up. We've got a few other really great albums that are, Are within 10 of this one. So, You know, Could they be, It could be a little bit lower. Yes. A little bit higher. No lower. Which one is it? Rob? Is it higher? We want it lower. Thank you. It should be lower on the list. But you know, Andy's right. Two 84 is just fine. Rolling. I mean, Can you do, Can you do a tight 15 on why vitality is better than this? Wow. Tight 15. Wow. A tight 15. No way. That's the bonus track. At the end of the episode. I didn't tell you guys, I wasn't able to record last week. Cause I was at the enhanced games. I was competing. Yes. I was doing the high jump, But I totally misunderstood the drug sports thing. I got it. Okay.

[1:39:00]My coach was Afro man. Hello. That would actually be pretty entertaining. Yeah. I mean, Actually that's a good, Well, You know, Of course, What singer would be the best high jump coach? Andy. No, I don't do a Liba. Damn. Well, Well, Totally, Really bold, Really grow. Did you already go? I can't remember. I did not know. I went high Joe. Yeah. I think these, When they do the compilation albums, It's nonsense. I did say, I think I might prefer Chris Christopherson's first album over this one, But I mean, Got to hear Merle at some point on the list. Why not now? So I'm going to agree with these guys rolling. Well-toned. Okay. Unfortunately, You guys are incorrect. Okay. This is the stupid podcast and I can't get it right. This of course gets a rolling compilation violation. Okay. Fuck you. Rolling stones. You coward. You can't pick an album. [100:00] You got to pick an album that has a hundred fucking songs on it and say,

[1:40:00]that's good. [100:04] What the fuck? [100:06] You know what I mean? [100:06] That's that would be like a resume. [100:08] And I put my interest and I put my top hundred interests. [100:11] It just doesn't make any sense. [100:12] Just pick something. [100:13] We don't really care that much. [100:15] Pick the one with mama. [100:15] Try it on it. [100:16] You know, that's what you want. [100:16] You want to do a hundred different sets of candles. [100:20] I mean, what if the guy loved candles and he turns it on and he's literally got like a hundred candles. [100:24] That's all. [100:25] It's like a rust date. [100:26] Just like a wall of candles. [100:27] You know what I mean? [100:28] Like Ross is like, that looks like a great date to me. [100:30] Here's one problem. [100:31] I can see what's going on. [100:36] Too many lights. [100:38] Now, next week, we either have Frank Sinatra into the wee hours. [100:42] Okay. [100:43] The special guest magic Mike, or we have Donna summer singing about the, the one kind of Oreo. [100:48] I don't like hot stuff. [100:52] Oh, when you want to hear about the gravy is hot. [101:03] That's a good point. [101:04] Is it not cold? [101:05] Gravy? [101:06] Not the worst. [101:07] Hey,

[1:41:00]Rob is yet after we do our, after the triangle, we got to play one more song. [101:11] Okay. [101:14] Beck did it better. [101:20] Oh no. [101:25] Russell's not here. [101:26] It's kind of sad. [101:27] Hello? [101:29] Yeah. [101:30] I knew somebody had a fucking answer that phone. [101:31] You coward. [101:32] Are you going to let it go? [101:33] And I wouldn't have done it, but now I do. [101:36] It's me. [101:36] It's the big bubble baby. [101:38] Now. [101:39] Nice to hear from you. [101:40] Now. [101:40] Can I just tell you, Andy, I heard you talking earlier. [101:43] Okay. [101:43] I heard you talk about some of my favorite bands. [101:45] You know what I mean? [101:46] I heard about Leonard Skinner. [101:47] I heard about John Denver. [101:49] I heard about Jim Croce. [101:52] We're all, we're all in a special place down here. [101:55] You know what I mean? [101:55] We're all kind of hanging out together. [101:57] And I got to tell you, I have just gotten my real estate license

[1:42:00]and I know a great plot of land in Clear Lake, Iowa. [102:04] If you guys want to come up and buy some land there, I've got, it's all, it's a great space. [102:10] It's about 10 yards wide, about 200 yards long. [102:14] Okay. [102:14] I got to go. [102:15] Bye. [102:15] I've been hell everybody. [102:16] It's time to say. [102:19] Thanks. [102:21] Oh, you know what? [102:26] I have to say this, Andy, I can kind of relate to what you're going through. [102:29] My, my wife recently quit a job too. [102:33] Oh yeah. [102:34] Is that right? [102:34] Yeah. [102:35] Actually too. [102:36] She quit two jobs. [102:39] There's a third one though. [102:40] She could take, and you know what? [102:46] It was kind of a quiet quitting. [102:48] I didn't even see it coming. [102:51] Just kind of stopped wanting to work at the, you know what I mean? [102:55] Just after a while, seemed to not enjoy the job as much as when she got hired in the first place. [103:03] Listen,

[1:43:00]when she got hired in the first place, she would work all hours. [103:08] Sometimes she would work past eight 30 at night. [103:11] You know what I mean? [103:12] And nowadays just not seeing it taking long cigarette breaks outside. [103:20] Yeah. [103:21] Did I put her on a PIP? [103:22] You know, I did. [103:24] Okay. [103:25] I read that joke laughing at it 20 minutes ago. [103:32] And here's the thing. [103:32] Well, my laughter when she's not working now, I've got to do a lot of the work myself. [103:39] It's a real bummer. [103:39] What song are we listening to man? [103:40] It's called call it home by tiger. [103:41] Lily gold. [103:45] Lily gold is from North Dakota. [103:46] The current all the time. [103:48] Tiger. [103:49] Can we do the loud? [103:50] That's the song about North Dakota. [103:51] Holy shit. [103:52] This is a video, Matt. [103:54] You've officially become an old guy. [103:55] This is a video from a news station. [103:56] I didn't say play that. [103:57] Well, that was, he said the YouTube video in the chat. [104:00] Yeah. [104:01] Yeah. [104:02] Yeah. [104:03] Yeah. [104:04] Yeah. [104:05] Yeah. [104:06] Yeah. [104:07] Yeah. [104:09] Yeah. [104:10] Yeah. [104:11] Yeah. [104:12] Yeah. [104:13] Wow. [104:18] That is North Dakota singing duo tiger. [104:20] Lily gold last night and Indy country fast debuting their new song. [104:24] Call it. [104:25] Now the haze and they say to yourself,

[1:44:00]wow, the camera's filming in about four 80. [104:30] They're filming this on like a flip phone. [104:32] This, the guy, whoever's Mikey. [104:35] This is his main thing. [104:36] He put it on his resume. [104:37] It was candles. [104:38] He has no idea how to Mike this TV anchor sounds like he's about it. [104:40] He sounds like he's an errands first episode. [104:42] You know what I mean? [104:43] This microphone work is bad. [104:45] Let's find out. [104:46] Is this a North Dakota? [104:47] dakota news station you know what i mean the chance of kf i can tell you for kf yr is this sounded bad sounded like it was commissioned by the tourism department let's kind of bismarck okay my favorite god can you imagine going there and getting a donut what kind would you get

[1:45:00]okay what's the song called again he put a link in the chat bro call it home i don't have tiger lily chat link okay my my internet's fine by the way they spell tiger lily kind of wild a song for north dakota what if tiger lily gold died in a plane crash tonight wow we'd have to quit the podcast for sure it's not safe to be played on this podcast matt you proved me wrong and i love it sorry about north dakota lyle love it has a song called north dakota also oh wow okay i know aaron did not find the listeners aaron did not find the song about wyoming not yet i'm not sure i'm locked into the podcast i'm not multitasking good there's a song about guam guam the territory of guam i guarantee a rapper is rhyme guam or something

[1:46:00]forearm nailed it hey future give me a call for a little piece of this wow the rise of oil production has also led to prostitution increase in north dakota can you imagine it's land man but it's north dakota i haven't watched that one yet just the whole time he's like god damn i'm cold fuck me this is cold as shit land man like he lands and he's like first of all land man i don't care that you guys have turned off your recording because i'm still recording because they met turned up his recording so long ago matt turned off his recording the other day during the theme song outro and i was like that's rude that's that's before he should turn it off i'm still on this one

[1:47:00]first of all he's hanging in land man of course is a show where billy bob thornton plays an oil man in texas imagine he flies up to north dakota first thing he does on the plane aaron is what lands he's like hey this is what my job's all about it's right there in the name it's right here okay he goes out he's like god damn it's cold here and then it's just a whole show where he's like can we go to mount rushmore what that's where what are we doing here i mean what do you guys got here the good lands all right that's good enough for me on north dakota bit hey what is this white hills gold yes i nailed it north dakota has white gold thank you everybody hey rob how about song of wyoming by john denver oh no he found oh yes he did find one song of wyoming yes yeah okay oh man he's like

[1:48:00]god i love writing i love my recording is that writing songs and flying experimental planes yes he does look like and looking like a english teacher two years from retirement we're gonna have another grandma entering the family because she's marrying grandma this is what the grandma would look like if she was coming in to marry your grandma you know what i mean i was coming to marry grandma you know how we have nana now we got nana too now we have nana too is what i could think of oh this is a slow one that tip of my cap to you for finding a song about why own me back to old wyoming by chris ladew

[1:49:00]oh he can do it all day wow take me back to old principle was a chris leadew fan the beaches of cheyenne by open hagen makes me feel so good isn't it chris talked about now here's what we're going to do andy of course one of my favorite things to do with music videos we're going to go to the first comment will this be really sad or just pretty sad this be really sad or just pretty let's find out sad or just pretty sad let's find out better let's figure it out all right okay now llevane and eddie Don't look at all the Eric Fritz videos that come up Why are the comments not here? [109:30] My grandpa was rodeo purgers with Chris LeDoux Wow Great song, great cowboy, just perfect Seven comments? [109:37] The song has seven comments? [109:39] Wyoming, now it's wintertime, negative six centigrade As a Singaporean It's hard to adapt to the cold I wonder if he goes and eats at all the Singaporean restaurants that are there You know what I mean? [109:53] Beaches of Cheyenne, that's a good one Wow I'm going to send you

[1:50:00]This song was always misattributed to I'm sorry, no Is it misattributed to fish because it's the gourds? [110:10] This one was always Misattributed to Chris LeDoux on Napster Back in the day, I just put it in the zoom He's doing the fish Juvenile juice bit Porn.avi You already have a file Called this on your computer, do you want to rename it? [110:28] Don't Give a fuck, got a heater in my truck And I'm off to the rodeo Oh, people think this is Chris LeDoux It's elemental left and elemental right Come on, you might not make it to the right step Right to the left to the right Drop stage, goddamn goof Oh yeah, then it gets bad But yeah, this is a big one Back in the Napster days in middle school And it was always Chris LeDoux Well, here comes Johnny with his pecker in his hand He's a one-ball man and he's off This was my grandma's wife's favorite song I can't believe she just passed away today Wow, that's the first time I've heard that song That's the first comment? [111:00] That's crazy

[1:51:00]That we were just talking about, Danny K-Pop Nana 2, it's a I miss you, Nana 2 Somebody replied to it and said, I miss you, Nana 2 Wow Wow Who was the first band to do this song, the original? [111:16] You know what I'm going to write? [111:18] Chris LeDoux False news Spreading some false news on there, folks Jed? [111:26] Nice The original All right All right, I got to go to bed These motherfuckers are going to be up in like five hours I was wondering why you're Thanks, man Thanks for having me, guys Awesome I sent you my I sent you my audio already You're still recording You're still recording I'm next Okay All right, see ya Thank you Thank you so much Hey, guys Aaron, thanks for setting that up Yeah, that was very fun God, my black eye I talked to my wife for 15 minutes this morning She did not

[1:52:00]Today at dinner, she goes, oh, my God, your black eye I go, I talked to you for 15 minutes She goes, I don't look at you She literally said that to me I don't look at you I was like, what? [112:10] Because I was wearing my noise-canceling headphones So I didn't really hear