Beck Does it Again: Paranoid by Black Sabbath

[00:00]So I'm looking through my notes. Hey, everybody out there, by the way. We're doing Beck Did It. What do we call these? Beck Did It. I know you guys know this so much. Beck Does It Again. I've listened to so many of them. You should, Aaron. You can actually learn. Listen, if you don't learn from your history, you're doomed to repeat it. How about Beck's Hoping to Do It Better? Beck's Hoping to Do It Better. It's getting the better of us, and we are slowing in our inexorable march toward 500 albums. We still might get there by the end of 2030. But some people have to go to the Grand Caymans or other places.

[00:31]We're doing a very timely thing of releasing an old Black Sabbath episode to celebrate the life of Ozzy Osbourne. For sure. Approximately two and a half weeks after he's died and about two weeks after all the internet stuff has toned down, so it won't get us any extra downloads. But we are not able to record, so we want to release an old album. Now, I was looking for my notes on Paranoid, and I couldn't find it, but I could find my notes from the last Black Sabbath Master of Reality we did. Do you know what my opening joke was? What's for you, Aaron, on that one?

[01:00]It's a really great coincidence that Dale Earnhardt crashed, and his great-grandmother Amelia also crashed. God, that was an all-timer. Amelia Earnhardt is such a good bit. So anyway, we are talking about Black Sabbath. Now, guys, Ozzy Osbourne did not seem like somebody who's going to ever pass away, right? Did you see his concert that he did? I did not see it, but Matt was talking earlier. No. Matt couldn't jump on for this part, but Matt was saying that he said the concert raised like $190 million for charity or something like that.

[01:35]And I was actually reading a little bit about all of his charitable efforts or something like that over Ozzy's career. I had no idea that he was that philanthropic. I don't know if that's the right word for it, but I think there's parts to Ozzy that we probably don't know beyond the TV show, which was so popular 20 years ago and biting the head off the bat, allegedly, somewhere in Iowa, right? Yeah, and also Kelly lives in Iowa.

[02:01]A lot of Iowa ties for Ozzy that are sort of surprising. Kelly Osbourne lives in Iowa? Yeah, she's married to an Iowan, and they live in Iowa. Yes, I think she's married to one of the guys from Slipknot or something. So there's a chance that you could just be out walking around Iowa and you would have seen Ozzy Osbourne like out visiting his kid walking around? Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. Listen, here's the thing, right? Is I think Ozzy. Ozzy Osbourne, I think too, dying at the same time as Hulk Hogan.

[02:32]It's really interesting because Hulk Hogan is somebody who went from really a great guy when he was younger, and everybody's like, this is the, you know, take your vitamins. He's the all-American hero. And then as he got older, he realized like, oh, he's actually one of the worst human beings of all time. He's terrible, yeah. Right? And then you have Ozzy Osbourne who you're like, this guy is terrible. He's scary. This is awful. He bites the heads off animals. He's doing these terrible things. And then all of a sudden, he gets a reality show on MTV, and everybody's like, oh, he's like this lovable guy. And he's so great. He has this totally kind of opposite trajectory.

[03:01]Russell, was that a smart thing for me to say? Sure. I guess so. I love it. Thank you so much. Listen, back to the beginning concert you just put on. Mastodon, Rival Sons, Anthrax. I don't know who cares about any of these. Alice in Chains. What song is Alice in Chains opening up with, Russell? What do you think? I'm the man in the box. In the box. What a fucking song that is. And then Pantera. Oh, I've seen him in person.

[03:31]There were some super groups in there with Tom Morello and Billy Corgan. Sammy Hagar. Holy cow. Vernon Reed? Jeez. This would be a crazy concert to see. Slayer, Guns N' Roses, and then Metallica, and then Ozzy Osbourne, and then what's left of Black Sabbath. And just like me at Karaoke Club, they did open up with War Pigs, Russell. Of course, one of my classic karaoke songs. A great, great song, War Pigs. So we are releasing this episode talking about Ozzy, talking about Black Sabbath.

[04:04]Now, Russell, do you have any recollection of what this episode was about the first time we released it? I was looking. We don't have any notes on this. So this must have been a quick release or something like that. We've got no notes. I don't even know what we talked about on this. What the hell was going on in April of 2023? That would have been like spring break. People would have been traveling. It would have been another one shoehorned in. God, there is nothing going on. April, I should be on my... We should be on our shit, Russell. We should have our shit being reviewed and write-ups being done.

[04:30]What's going on with our lives in April? Spring break? I mean, because now in the summer, let me tell you, Russell, I've been so relaxed this summer that I've gone through the other side. And I'm too relaxed. And now I'm stressed out by how I'm not doing anything. Like, I haven't checked my work email in two months. And now it's so far gone, I can't check it. You know what I mean? Like, I just, it's, I'm too far into the relaxation hole. They don't pay you for the summer, right? So who cares? And they're not sending you checks. Right now, are they? Now, Russell, as you know, I do read through my contracts really closely.

[05:02]You can imagine when I get a contract, Russell, when I get a contract, I'm pouring over it. Oh, my God. You think I'm just scrolling to the bottom and clicking the VeriSign? Section 8, steps and ladders. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I definitely don't sign it and then ask other people, like, oh, what was in there? And by the way, you know what I do at a school, too, Russell? What's that? You know what I always do? I always sign my contract late. And you know why? I'm making spag. Skip off-season activities. I make them beg, because technically, they could not ask me at that point, and I wouldn't

[05:31]have a job anymore. But instead, I make them email me, hey, I noticed you haven't signed your contract. Would you like to do that? And I'm like, yeah, you better beg for me to come back. Although, after the last couple of years, I haven't begged as much, I have to admit. I quickly sign it and hope that they have forgotten some of the things I have done at the job currently. Aaron, get us back on track. Why are we talking about Ozzy Osbourne right now? Because he's dead. Oh, my God, Aaron. What a downer you are on these episodes. I wouldn't bite at him anyways. Did you hear how? I heard that his... His wife took him to Switzerland, where he chose to...

[06:00]That was the rumors, that they were going to do that after this big send-off concert, where he could choose to be euthanized. Wait, is this a joke? No. Are you fucking serious, Aaron? Do you think this is a joke? I don't know if you're supposed to be being funny or what. You got on my case, because I said, we're talking about him because he's dead. I thought there was something funny coming up. Oh, Aaron, bum us out again, why don't you? Jeez. We're trying to talk about Black Sabbath and Ozzy Osbourne. I think that's really... You get to choose how you went, man. I hope that happens for all of us.

[06:31]I know if I did that, something would annoy me right at the end. You know what I mean? Like, I'd be right at the end. I'd be like, okay, push the button or whatever. Let's get this done with. And then my wife would be like, oh, I got this email from work. Let me tell you about it. I'd be like, oh, this cannot be the last thing I hear. We should go to Switzerland for our final episode of this podcast in August of 2030. Do it from Switzerland. And then euthanize our podcast.

[07:00]Oh, can you imagine? God, Aaron, that's such a good idea. Wow. We'd all in our separate chalets because we've never figured out how to record in person yet. It doesn't work, yeah. We've all got Zooms. It's an expensive trip. This is the most expensive trip I've ever been on. Aaron, I might do it a little differently. I might go to a different continent so we could relive our youth in Asia. That would be clever. That would be a smart way to do it.

[07:30]If I went to Switzerland, I would be like, oh, I cannot wait to have the hot chocolate here. I bet the hot chocolate here is so good. Then I see Macon and I'm like, why aren't you mixing a powder with little marshmallows into water? Did you know that's what my wife did when she made Swiss Miss hot chocolate? She would use water to make it with. Isn't that normal? Can you imagine? No. I have never made the pre-mix. Hot chocolate with anything but water. Russell, that's one of the saddest things I've ever heard in my entire life.

[08:03]You've never heated up milk to make a Swiss Miss? Not once. Bro, you've got an espresso machine at home. I'm also not a house that has milk. I would never drink milk. It would never dawn on me to drink milk. I've talked about this. I don't have kids. Why would I drink milk? Why would I even have it? Well, I would say to put in your cereal, but after the episode that's either coming out before this or after this, you're going to find out I am a fucking alone on that one. Nobody else is having it.

[08:30]Can you imagine, Aaron, not having milk in the house? That's wild, isn't it? I'm going to tell you, Rob, I didn't have milk in the house before I had a kid. I'm being honest. I'm with Russell. There was never milk in our house until we had a kid. God damn, I'm a fat fuck. Fuck me. It usually happens if I have dinner at my brother's or something like that. He'll have a glass of milk with a meal, and I think it's disgusting. Yeah, I can't really get down with it. The idea that you would sit there with adult food and have a glass of milk is bizarre to me.

[09:03]It is gross, and it makes my stomach clench even thinking about it. But if some man I was having dinner with had a glass of milk, I would order a slightly larger glass of milk. You would have to. That is such a coded drink, Russell. You have to go over the top on him on drinking milk. Boy, I always had milk. Russell, what do you make your protein shakes out of? If I did make protein shakes, I'm assuming they would be made with water. Oh, God. Oh, God. Rob, I did come across one note.

[09:33]Maybe this can tee you up for our episode here. Sounds like you want this to be over. I'm 50 minutes past what we need to be right now. We've hit so many veins of comedy here. The only note I did have on here was it is the best parody song we've ever done on the podcast, so I look forward to hearing it. Wow. Wow. Guaranteed. We'll see what the parody is. It's so fun. It's going to be the best parody song. Oh, it's going to be so good.

[10:00]It'll be easily the best one. You think me flying in my time machine back to meet me in college and kissing myself is so weird? That's literally what you just did. You got in a time machine to April of 2023, and you're complimenting. God, it's so brilliant. That's why you're so smart. Listen, this is Black Sabbath. This is Paranoid. The Beck Did It Better gang says, sorry, we're not around to record, but we don't make any fucking money off this anyway, so back off. And guess what? Even the shit I do make money from? I don't do that great a job with that either, so I don't know what you expect. You know what I mean?

[10:30]Aaron, tell a funny joke to end this. It's not my bag. R.I.P. R.I.P. Enjoy the show. R.I.P. R.I.P. Ozzy. All right. See you later. We went to this place in Italy, and our private chef when we arrived was playing a record, and he said, oh, I can change the music if you want, and he was playing the Blues Brothers soundtrack. And I was like, I know. Please keep this going. I love this album. We got a kid on my T-Ball team. Hey, Bubba He, Bubba Who-a-do.

[11:00]Yeah, it's Elwood. Hey, Bubba He, Bubba Who-a-do. Rub-a-biscuit, biscuit, rubber biscuit. We got a kid on the T-Ball team named Elwood. You know how much fun I'm having saying that? That is amazing. Jake. Every time. Elwood. The Blues Brothers. Yeah. When it's Elwood's turn for snacks, he's going to bring four chickens. Four. Four chickens. Four chickens. Four chickens. Four fried chickens and a Coke. You want chicken legs or chicken wings?

[11:30]Four fried chickens. I remember listening to that Blues Brothers album, and the rubber biscuit comes on, and I go, what the fuck? Right, right. Even at that time, I was like, this is not right. These two white comedians should not be going, rubber biscuit. I was like, I don't know why this is wrong, but this seems wrong to me. Love the movie, though. Not long enough. In 2020, four friends decided to listen to every one of the greatest. Five hundred albums is decided by Rolling Stone magazine. This resulted in a text chain that celebrated the music, excoriated the order, and led us

[12:02]to making this podcast. We are far from experts. We promise to do almost no research. All opinions are our own, unless you disagree. Please sit back and enjoy. Beck did it better. We are all the way up to album. Now, last week, I claimed we were up to album 139, and I said, thank God we're out of the 130s. They're driving me nuts. Well, it turns out this is album 139. This is the series of 10 that never ends, guys. We're in the 130s. I swear. It's crazy. From 1970, it's Black Sabbath with Paranoid.

[12:33]Guys, listen. We're going to get right into it. I have a special announcement, though, for tonight's intro, and that is that this is one that I have not heard yet. This is a brand new one to me. This does not happen. We've got a special guest for K-Rob, but let's just go over and turn on the radio. Wait. Not a problem. Hey, what's up, everybody? Thanks for joining us today at K-Rob. K-R-O-B.

[13:00]Your main host, Rob, is out to its meet. Wolfman Russ, back with a vengeance. Yes. Wolfman Russ. Rob is out today with an injury. It turns out our favorite Iron Man's hamstring couldn't hold up. We'll be back in nine. Ha, ha. This next song is dedicated to our main host and all he does to create this podcast. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. Finally. Yeah. Rob is podcast man.

[13:31]Yes. He is the podcast for all you fans. Yes. Yes. Rob plays the back line calls and makes dirty jokes about cock and balls. Oh, my God. I'm going to pass out. See Rob's yearbook picture there. It's Andre the Giant with grandma's hair. Gross sound bites. I'm going to pass out.

[14:26]Oh, my God.

[14:31]Rob's the best athlete on the softball field. Last week he ratcheted to an automobile. Yes. Rob's travel time. He'd make out with himself, take a mustache ride. Who gets to love him? And he's rocked their whole world. Yep. Wow. We're doing the whole song, aren't we? Both. Why not? What is Rob's new thing that he will soon unfurl?

[15:03]I'm doing jiu-jitsu, but it's tough because every time I get jerked out, I get a massive erection. I don't know if I've ever jerked off to somebody in a suit before, but I'm going to try right now. He's like, why are you looking at me like that? Now the time is here. Rob's ready. He's ready to reappear. Rob cramps when he's burying his bones, but none of his jokes get a rolling groan.

[15:34]His downloaders love him. Oh, my God. Why don't they tell their friends? I could listen to this all day. Oh, yeah, good. This is perfect. The attention would help him. And he won't let his friends. Oh, my God. Robbie, how's the rolling going? How's it going? Robbie.

[16:00]Don't be a brat, Robbie. Don't be a brat, damn. You guys are being fucking brats. I can't believe it. Not again. You know that Ohio has had its share of ecological disasters lately. Oh, my God. And now Heinz Field is burning down. It's ketchup fire by Bob Marley and the Wailers. Oh, Robbie. Wow, we were honoring you.

[16:34]My Rob has really turned it up tonight. It must be under new management. I absolutely remember that part of that song from the clip where I was making jokes. I made sure to get you there. That did it better. I got to admit, that is a true joy. I did not listen to that song at all before we play it. And listening to it. I see Russ singing, like picturing him in his house, just going, Aaron, man, I was going to ask you, I was going to ask Aaron for advice.

[17:05]Like, what do you do when something feels out of your range? Do you sing it down below in your range? Or do you just shoot for it and strain? Or what do you do? Sing it harder. Yeah, you just sing it harder. Yeah. I learned that. Yep, just sing harder. Yep, you nailed it. It's a metal song, right? You got to go for it. Yeah, just go louder and harder. Rob is podcast, man. You know what? Behind the scene, we've got the text chain, right? With all the college guys.

[17:30]And I completely, the whole Robby thing, I never remembered where that came from or anything. But now I remember. The Brad thing. So some of them, Barry from Burnsville still calls Rob, Robby. He didn't know where it was from. As much as he possibly can. Yeah. Now I remember where it's from. That's good. You sick brats not doing exactly what I tell you to do. That's sick. Well, Russell, congratulations, because now you're going to make that song every week. So I hope you do. I do one every single week. I hope you do that. I'll be back in like episode 220. Oh God, that's so far from now.

[18:01]That was just so good. Now listen up. This is Beck Did It Better. We are going over the top 500 albums of all time as chosen by Rolling Stone Magazine. Last week was an unmitigated disaster. Okay. I have not seen any text messages or anything like that. But listen, we did a backwards episode last week. We mentioned a guy bringing an old woman home from McDonald's and giving her some extra sweet and sour sauce. And we had no idea what was going on. We had no time to talk about it. Yeah. The worst. Double royale. I was like in Italy over the last week with my family.

[18:32]And the whole time I was there, I was like, I mean, here's a joke I could make right now. You know what I mean? Like my, my, my ice cream machine is working. And that's not, I mean, I thought of better jokes too. So it's not a big deal. In this McDonald's, they still put nuts on top of the chocolate sundae. Okay. What do you call it when you have nuts on top of your chocolate sundae? No, you know, sorry.

[19:00]I told that one. I told that one to the family and they're like, shh, everybody on the tour of the Coliseum can hear you. Please quiet. Stop saying that. It doesn't make any sense. The acoustics are great. Next, next March, I'm going to make, next March, I'm going to make that lady shamrock shake. Oh. Oh. Oh. I'll make you a shamrock shake. You make me go crazy. You're my butterfly, sugar, baby. Uh, meanwhile, she's actually eating a McRib. You've ordered the McRib?

[19:32]Listen, when I think back to my college experience, it's, it's going down on an elderly woman while she eats in a McRib. Whoa, that took a turn. Aaron, you kind of do strike me as the guy who would go to like a chain fast food restaurant and then order like whatever they have that's new on the menu. I would actually, one of my great regrets in life is that I've still never had a KFC double down. I've never had a double down. I might. When my brother and I were both living in Minneapolis, we talked it up. Like, it would always be like, this is the week we're going to go get the double down.

[20:01]And then we were always afraid of it. That just shows you how fucked diet culture is, doesn't it? Because there was a good time where double down was literally people were like, finally, something I can eat. Something healthy I can eat is no carbs. There's no bread in it. Yeah, just chicken on cheese, that chicken. Everybody was like, mm-hmm, this is actually good for us. It's like, God, we're stupid. Going back to my going down on a woman eating McRib joke. Both these things only come once a year. That's for sure to get back to that, yeah. Russell, I want to get that clean so you can put it in the next parody song.

[20:32]Both these things only come once a year. Listen, I've got three guys here who want to talk about a black Sabbath. I've got Russell in Minnesota. Russell, how are you doing? Guys, my parody song, it sure did shred. And it left our listeners full of dread. Downloading as fast as they can. Beck did it better. Lives again. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. I got Matt in Minneapolis. Matt, how are you doing?

[21:00]I'm doing great, Rob. Appreciate you having me. Thanks for letting me join. And I've got Aaron, who probably has a funny story about eating the head of a bat that he got at the farmer's market earlier. I think I know someone who's seen the head, was there in person for the bat head eating. Wow. But you guys, I wouldn't usually record on the Sabbath, but I'll do it for Black Sabbath. Let's talk about Black Sabbath. Oh, my God, that's totally true. Well, for me, it's almost not the Sabbath anymore. Because it's a little late on a Sunday night. And that's fine. I'm not worried about that.

[21:30]I'm not worried about school tomorrow. Rosie, tell us, who do you know that was at the Black Sabbath bat story? My mom's husband. My stepdad. Yes, he was there. It happened in Des Moines. Listen, your mom should not be marrying some guy. Well, first of all, first of all. It's, it's, it's, it's time for one-on-one with Aaron's mom. Bringing this way back. All the way back. Listen. I don't feel like your mom should be dating somebody who's at an Ozzy Osbourne concert where he bit the head off a bat.

[22:00]Well, they've been married for 20 years now, but yeah. Yeah, but think about that. I know, I know. I mean, you shouldn't be happy with that. That seems like he's not a great guy. He shouldn't even be at that concert. Are you happy with this marriage? Or do you think it's an obvious thing? They listen to the podcast. Of course I'm happy with it. You guys are really trying to cause trouble around here. Wait, does he download to a Galaxy device? Then I am happy with it. That's a good question. I'm not sure. Yeah, there it is. At Vets Memorial. At Vets Memorial. He bit the bat off a bat head. In Des Moines. He's performing at Veterans Memorial Auditorium. But listen, so he went and he ate a bat head on January 20th, 1982.

[22:35]So this guy gets into his car, dead of winter, Iowa. He goes to see an Ozzy Osbourne concert at the Veterans Memorial Auditorium and then sees him eat the head off a bat? That's crazy. And it's just once. I think it's just once that it happened. There's only one story about it. It is just once. Here's the story. Here's the story that happened, though. Here's the story. Ozzy Osbourne used to think it was funny to throw raw meat and just gory things at the crowd.

[23:02]He said, what did he say here? I've always liked old movies that used to have these custard pie fights. He gave me the idea to throw, instead of pie, bits of meat and animal parts into the audience. I thought it was hilarious. They'd throw sheep testicles, live snakes, dead rats, all kinds of things back at me. One time in Des Moines, somebody threw a bat up there. He thought it was a rubber bat. So he thought he was biting the head off of a rubber bat. And it turned out to be a live bat. And now all the religious zealots, as it says,

[23:30]have a reason to fight back against heavy metal music. I got to call BS a little bit. Because when I pick up a bat, I think I could tell 100% of the time, is this a live bat or is this a rubber bat? I don't know how many bats have you ever picked up. Well, zero. But rubber bats, quite a few. Hundreds. The good news is I just got a shipment of live bats from Wuhan, China. So I think that's going to be fine. Toward the end of the podcast, I'm going to open those up. Okay. And I'm going to have a fake bat in here.

[24:00]We'll see who can tell the difference. Listen, let's get right into our voicemail. Do we have one? Oh, of course we do. You're so stupid. You can kiss my ass. They're just the dumbest of the dumb. I got to make a nice one. Just the dumbest of the dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. It keeps going. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Terrible. Fuck off. Glad we're not like that anymore. Here we go. Fuck off. Tell Russ his wish has been granted.

[24:33]So, Russ, your wish has been granted. Now, to be full disclosure, I did text this out earlier. But it turns out that coming out at some point, May 10th, Russell. May 10th. May 10th. Disney. Disney. Disney. Releasing a brand new Muppets movie. A Muppet movie. The Mayhem. Just about Dr. Teeth.

[25:00]Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem? A whole movie? It literally is about Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem the whole time. It is a multi-episode, episodic show. Awesome. Seriously, though, a Muppets TV show about the music from the Dr. Teeth. How will that not be super fun? Oh, you know what it's going to be? It's going to be week after week of special guest stars. Yeah. And they're going to be singing along. I think, Russell, there is a non-zero chance. And, in fact, I would say it's a very good chance that we are going to get to see our

[25:30]namesake back on one of those shows singing with the Muppets. I bet he would sing Loser with them. What do you think? Who are we going to see on that show? What's a guaranteed rock-solid, real musical guest that's going to be on that show? John Legend right away. Oh, my God. I don't even know if he's still alive, but I would guess, my guess would be Stephen. I could see Stephen Tyler. I could see Stephen Tyler doing some Muppets. Oh, not anymore. Is he too old? No, he's got some issues with some underage women back in the 70s.

[26:00]So, he's canceled. Okay. All right. Okay. That one's up. Lenny Kravitz. I bet you'll see Lenny Kravitz. Oh, I hope so. I could see, like, an Adele or something, you know, like a mega pop star like that or T-Swift or something like that joining in on this. Harry Styles? Oh, yeah. I could see Harry Styles being in. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think it would be funny if they did do a gag where, laughing, even thinking about it, Lenny Kravitz does jump up in the air and all of a sudden, out of his pants, come

[26:32]a giant, long, arm-length puppet and starts singing a song, like starts singing American Woman. Just kind of goes, American Woman. But it really is just Gonzo's arm and he's holding the microphone. I'm telling you, if you watch that video of Lenny Kravitz with his pants splitting open, it looks like Gonzo. It looks like he's giving birth to Gonzo. It really does. It's unbelievable. You know why he's a rock star. Yeah, I'm excited. I think that's going to be fun, Russell.

[27:01]In May, right at the end of the school year when we all have the summers off, this is going to be great. Oh, yeah. What a life we all lead. Yeah. This is going to be absolutely awesome. Well, that didn't go anywhere, that conversation. You know what? Maybe the Backward Show is better. Maybe the Backward Show is the way to go. I don't think so. I mean, you did say giving birth to Gonzo. So we've at least got that on wax. That's true. And I was trying to think of another Lenny Kravitz song beside American Woman, but A-Cap Driver, that's a deep cut.

[27:31]That is a deep cut. That's a good one. Listen, why am I trying to push this bit? No. Yeah, well, you do hear a play in the background. Thank you so much. Let's get into Roland going. I do like that our listeners know me as like the Muppets guy. Like, that's my new thing. That's a good calling card. Let's see what everybody's up to. It's time for Roland. Roland, go away. What do you know each of us as? Text in the Bex line, just with like a sentence for each of us. What are we? Okay. What would be your guesses? If you had to guess for everyone, Rob, what do you think they would know Aaron as?

[28:03]Oh, Aaron is the, he's a food guy, right? Like, that's got to be what it is. I'd say unique food, free spirit. Russell, I got to clue you in. We're on a Wordle text chain that you're not on. Okay, it's kind of a smart guy, kind of a genius text chain. Okay, a lot of Albert Einstein stuff going on over there. Yep. I got one of the most delicious texts from that text chain when Aaron's wife said, here's a typical delivery for Aaron. What was it? It was canned oysters. Blue oysters or something? Blue oysters.

[28:30]Japanese crackers. Japanese, a knife? Was it a Japanese knife in there? It's a honing rod. Yeah, so it's like a. Aaron, I told you not to use the term honing rod with me around ever again. Yeah. And. A zester? A microplane zester, yeah. Yeah. So I bought from the. From this cutlery shop. Blue mussels. Bernal. And they have a nice tinned fish collection. So I had to get some mussels and oysters in addition to my honing rod and my. Now what? Microplane grater.

[29:00]Now listen. Zester. Listen, I know what a honing rod is for. I'm not some dumb hick. Okay. But explain to all these other guys, what exactly is a honing rod and who or what will you use this on? It's just a way to keep your knives sharp. And when I, when I had my knives sharpened most recently, because I have tried to sharpen my own knives and that turned out to be not a good idea. So I've most recently had my knives sharpened. The guy was like, Hey, you really can just, all you need is a honing steel. I would. And the other thing is like, I think they're typically called a honing steel, but this one's ceramic. So I called it a honing rod. And, um, it's just a way to keep your knives because, uh, straightening and sharpening

[29:33]are two different things. Like as soon as you started this conversation, you could just see, just see this guy be like, Oh no, it's one of these guys. Hey, what do you use? Uh, hello? Hello? Because straightening is, is like aligning the molecules. So they're straight and sharpening is actually. Taking molecules off to smooth out and make sure that it gets sharp. So you straighten your knives between uses. You don't have to sharpen them as often, at least according to edge of the bay sharpening

[30:00]who helped me out. What does it cost? What does it cost to get knives sharpened? If I, if my knives were dull, I would just go buy new knives. How much does it cost to sharpen? This guy was amazing. He charged me like 50 bucks. He, he came to my house, picked up my knives, took them away, brought them back in like two hours. They were sharp and it cost me like 50 bucks. Now, let me tell you, did you read about this honing? In a journal somewhere? Or did you read about it at the store where they were selling you this quote unquote honing rod? No, uh, no. The, the, the, the knife sharpener who was not affiliated with the cutlery store told

[30:30]me about the honing rod. He was like working himself out of a job. He was like, Hey, you don't have to call me. You can hone your knives instead. This story involves two different things. The knife sharpener and the knife store. Yes. They're not related. You talked to multiple knife professionals. Yeah. I've been to a knife sharpening class also. And that's where I got my, that's where I got my knife sharpener. That's where I got my whetstones, but I'm not very good at the whetstones. So now I just have professionals do it. Oh, I heard them sing in college. I thought it was good. That's such a niche joke.

[31:01]I like cream of wheat in a malt meal town. It takes one small step to get a whole city down. I like cream of wheat. Hey everybody, we're the limestones. And now we're going to get our clothes real wet. Cause that's our cake. Oh, the limestones have gotten really weird since Rob joined. Guys, let's do a song about our kinks. Feet, feet, feet, feet, feet. All right.

[31:35]And soon I'm going to graduate and this is what we'll do. Russell's been to more than one limestones concert in his life. I have. I've sat in the front row. It's the only time I went to that church. Any of the limestones? So Rose, you might know this. Does any of the limestones like done anything post college? Like any of them gone on to any sort of success? Yeah. I didn't see him at this year's Grammys for acapella girls.

[32:00]I guess the Manhattan transfer. I'm not sure. I don't know of anyone who's went on to do much, but I didn't either. So what can I say? Did you just take a fucking drink in the middle of your goddamn sentence on the podcast? Are you serious? Right now, I was coming from Rob, Rob, you were eating, you were eating food. Last time you're reading. I got a hydrate bananas. That was because the bananas was a medical thing.

[32:30]Okay. But I can edit that out. But Aaron was talking to that. He goes right in the middle. We should pull up the Baltimore song. A lot of people might not even know what we're talking about. The lives you think so. The limestones here, it's the acapella group. That's saying at St. Olaf and it would go from year to year, right? Like they would have 10 guys in the group and the. Yeah. Seniors would graduate. They'd bring in like three new people. Is that right? Oh my God. This is on that. We got to play the whole thing. We got to put this on that Garrison Keillor show. And now this is from 2015.

[33:01]So these are not guys we've even known. And I'll tell you what, 2015 is well past the date where Garrison Keillor goes. You know what would make Prairie Home Companion better? If I fucking sang about three to four times an episode, that's what everybody wants to hear. Garrison is like, guess what? I'm fucking singing now. And everybody's like, Jesus Christ, we can't do anything. This guy has all the power. Garrison Keillor made our list. Once before. Do you guys remember? I believe it was some sort of instrument. Garrison Keillor show. Yes. It wasn't a slide guitar or something like that. Yes. Or was it the whistler? Cause you know, I saw Garrison Keillor at St. Olaf once and they had a world-class whistler

[33:32]on and I've never felt so disappointed in my life. I was like, the guy was up there going like, and what you realize with whistling is like, wow, that guy's really good at whistling. And then about 30 seconds later, you're like, God damn it. I hate when people whistle. Boy, this sounds just, this is grading on my brain. I do not like this at all. So this is the, this is the singing group that would sing at St. Olaf every year. And the famous song was Malt-O-Meal because Northfield has the Malt-O-Meal factory, right? Yes. Correct.

[34:00]One morning about 9:00 AM was just eating with another kid. Oh, I wish you could change that. Just in case you didn't grow up in the Midwest or if you were rich, Malt-O-Meal is the kind of cereal that basically copies every other cereal. A knockoff. Hey, you know what? They're Captain Crunch. The knockoff, knockoff, the kangaroos or whatever. Slaps. It does slap. It's really good. So I thought I'd go down to an otter house. I don't know how you guys drink away my blues. And the very next way I woke up smooching Holy Avenue. I drank Malt-O-Meal in a Malt-O-Meal town. I could have easily been in the lives though.

[34:30]Oh my God. You could have been in the lives. I think we should just have Russell sing the entire episode. I mean, we can pull up the lyrics and we could sing our version of it at the end. Yeah. Yeah. We could do that. Or, you know. Oh, yeah. We can. Or we could just go to rolling going. Rolling going. How's it going, someone? Oh, it's rolling going. Does anybody got a good one this week? I got a good one.

[35:00]Listen, I just got one thing to say about Malt-O-Meal. Yeah. Even my kids, when they were like three, as soon as they saw cereal in a plastic bag, they're like, uh-uh. Uh-uh. They're like, uh-uh. Uh-uh. We're not doing this shit. Our cereal comes out of boxes. It comes in a bag in a box. Yeah. It comes in a plastic bag in a box. Yeah. It comes in a plastic bag. No, my kids, when the cereal was on the box, they knew I was trying to- Is the guarantee on the box? They knew I was trying to pull a scam on them. They're like, hmm. These do taste good, but I don't get it. Russell, rolling going. How's it going with you?

[35:30]Guys, I think I do need to go to the advice corner. Oh, boy. Okay. Something happened the last week that I definitely need to run by you guys on how you would handle something. Can't wait. Corner. It's time. Did you try lying to her? That's my advice. Oh. I will just say it may involve a false police report. I give you a heads up. What? There's a false police report involved. Wow. Well, I hope it has two different knife-related things, because that's the tone that Aaron said already. All right, so I guess the premise of my question, I kind of want to hear what you guys think

[36:00]about this, and then I'm going to tell you a story. When you're dealing with your wife or someone that you know well, and you think they may be wrong about something, do you always just give them the benefit of the doubt and listen? Do you kind of probe with questions, trying to get to the bottom of what's going on and think there may be- There may be two sides of it, or do you always just listen to what they say and empathize? What's your style when you think the person you're having a conversation with could potentially be wrong about something they're telling you? This is such a loaded question.

[36:30]Yeah. I mean- I don't think, you know, by the way you're asking this question, Russell, I don't think you need our advice. I think you already know. Yeah. It seems like listening longer before you speak is probably where you should have erred. And guys, follow up. Do you think this is a big penis? What do you think? Just think about this, Russell. Do you ever like to be corrected? No, but I definitely do a lot of correcting. You see this?

[37:01]That is the problem. You know that nobody likes being corrected, but not you. It's different for other people. They like it when you correct them. That's true. I'm the older sibling. If someone's not an older sibling, they like to be bossed around like that, right? That's right. Exactly. Oh, wow. Family psychotherapy. Psychoanalysis. Well, maybe, maybe, maybe I can tell you guys my story and then we'll see if you guys would have done anything different or see how it relates to some things in your life. Does that work for you guys?

[37:30]Yeah. I'd like to get the details. Yeah. Of course we want to hear the story. So, so the other day I'm sitting at home, this is probably about a week ago, and I get a text. Uh, it's from a car aficionado, if you will. The text, all it says is my car has been stolen. I get a text from someone saying their car has been stolen. I was like, well, shit. Yeah. Bummer. Yeah. But so when you see that, how do you respond? Because I don't know. Like, do I say, where was it? Do I start asking questions? Do I just say, I'm sorry to hear that? What do you do? So my response is just, huh? Like with a question mark, like I'm looking for this person to elaborate so I don't take

[38:05]it down the wrong path. Right? I mean, it might occur to me to say, do you need a ride? That might be a thing. I would say. Yeah. I'm just going to say right now. I'm just going to say right there. Every time you make a mistake, I'm going to hit that ding. Cause I'm going to say right there. There is nothing that could be more clear than my car was stolen. Okay. Well, you're right. So Rob, I'm there to listen. You know, I, I'm a, I try to listen and everything and empathize. And so this, this car aficionado gives me a call.

[38:31]They say, you know, their car is gone. They were out. They were out somewhere earlier in the day. They went home, parked their car in their building and their parking lot in the building, went upstairs, did some stuff. And then they realized they forgot something. They had to run back down. They walked back down. Car's not there. And so the person's, so my immediate reaction is just being like, oh, you know, sorry to hear that. You know, what can I do to help you? And then we start kind of just going through, I can't help myself. I have to ask. You have to ask if they parked it in a different spot than they think.

[39:01]I have to, I have to ask like, I mean, what are you supposed to, you have to ask, right? Or should you not even ask if they parked it somewhere else than they normally would have. This is all over text. This is in a phone call. Now. Now we're talking on there. I don't know, man, I love the car. I feel like that's fine. You can just say, you know, I'm sure, I'm sure this is the case, but I do just have to ask. It's just like the, it's just like, you're just doing like the, the it got your steps, right? I got to run through my checklist. Like, just like anybody else would like totally dispatched, have you tried restarting your

[39:33]computer today? Right. Exactly. And then going from there, I think the problem is it came out of Russell's mouth. Like, ah, you probably parked in the wrong place. I did kind of say, and that the thing is this person lives in. Yeah. In an apartment building, they have an underground parking garage and they also, when I go over to this area, I usually park on the street. So there's a lot of places to park on the street over there. And so, and so I was just making sure, Hey, do you ever park there overnight? Like, do you leave your car there overnight on the street?

[40:01]Oh, well, we'll just say a car aficionado doesn't always give me a 24 hour pass. We'll just leave it like that. Just saying. It would be nice if they did a couple of those passes a week and I don't even spend 17 hours. Yeah. That's a good thing. Time to bounce. Russell shows up with a bank of McRibs. What are those for? Oh, nothing. Just a bag. Nevermind. Forget about it. So this, I kind of, you know, I, I, I paused myself before I even said, well, did you sure you didn't park it anywhere else?

[40:30]But then I always said, well, you know, are you sure you didn't park it? They were adamant with me and I could tell borderline annoyed that I would even propose that they may have parked it somewhere else. Right there. So at this point I just am like, okay, I just got to sit back. Don't do my. Like do diligence thing and start probing with questions. I just gotta be supportive. Right. So yeah, there's telling me, well, security's coming over. I'm going to call the police, do a police report. I'll call you back in a little bit. So like, okay, I, there's nothing for me to do at this point. I haven't been asked to come over and help. There's nothing for me to do.

[41:00]So I get a call a little bit later and they say, Hey, security came over. We walked through the building. I was clicking my, my thing over and over. There was no beep. They didn't hear the beep. They didn't see the car. And I was like, I, part of me wants to. Well, I believe a few weeks ago, your key fob was dead. So it probably wouldn't have worked a few weeks ago. I didn't say that, but I just, I just thought that, but I didn't say it. That's good. That's good. Yeah. That's good. Okay.

[41:30]I may have said it. I don't remember. You said it. You dirty. You can't help yourself. He's heating up. It tells me they went through, went through the parking lot with the security person that they're building. They couldn't find it. Um, now Russell. Can I just ask you real quick with, with, with a fob that was dead a few weeks ago, Matt, I'm sorry. If she, if she had asked you, can you please come over and walk through the building with me and security and try to help me find this car? What would you have said? Because I would have said, I would have done it.

[42:01]I would have done it. Oh, no problem. Wow. What did I mean in my head? I would have thought really what another person walking through isn't going to make a difference, but I would have done it. I never, to be clear, this person's fob may have not been dead before, but their car was dead. So the stuff wasn't working, but just to make sure I'm right on that, you know, hit the digger, Rob or not. I know. I know. That's fine. Details matter. Details matter. Yes. I feel like I'm going to be called in for a witness at some point here. This feels like this is going on the record.

[42:31]So I'm talking with the car aficionado and, and they're, they're saying, well, they, they called the police. The police are coming over. They went through the parking lot. They're going to, the head of security at the building is going to come over. They're going to do all the reporting stuff. They should be able to look at the, at the tape from the building in the morning and everything. And, and so, you know, immediately I'm like, well, hopefully, you know, you didn't leave a wallet in there. You know, if you've lost, there's nothing you can do about it at this point. Right. You got insurance. It takes care of that. I'm trying to, to be positive.

[43:00]I don't know what the right. Yeah. Trying to listen and be supportive. Now there is a chance because it has happened before where somebody has gotten their car stolen and in the back, they had up to three bags of trash that they were going to take out later. Never got around to it. Like what? What CD was it? Oh, I had so many, the JBS, right? I mean, I got a whole, you've seen the whole list, a bowling ball that had a grenade in it. I mean, when this guy stole my car, he was probably like, what the fuck, what is going on? I'm going to return this. I feel bad for this guy.

[43:31]So this person they've, they've, they've made their call into the police station. They've walked through the parking ramp once in it and they're like, okay, I'm going to get another call to make to the security or whatever the car aficionado calls me back. Again. And this person is telling me about their day where they were at beforehand. We're kind of now walking together, retracing steps, if you will. It took us a little bit there. We're kind of going through it. And this person says, well, I went and ran these errands here and I drove home and I went to the grocery store right across the street. And then I went home, went upstairs, came back down and I say, did you park at the grocery

[44:04]store? Did you walk home? And all of a sudden the phone on the other end just goes completely silent person says, you know what? Why don't you just park over at the grocery store? But I'm not sure if I walked home or not. Yes, that's what I'm talking about. So I'm like, you know what you ought to do is why don't you just walk over to the grocery store? Cause it's right across the street. I could easily see how someone would park there and then grab a bag and walk home.

[44:32]Cause I think this person walks back and forth that grocery store a lot. Right? Yeah. It makes sense. Yeah. You just do it on a habit. And so it's late. You know? You're walking over there with you. It's kind of late. It's dark. But I said, why don't you keep your phone on? Keep it. Just walk over there. Keep me on the line while you walk over there. So this person walks over there. Chivalry is dead. Yeah. Yeah. Keep the phone on. I'll listen from here. Yeah. And I, so this person starts walking over there and they're saying, oh, I'm crossing

[45:00]the street now. And all of a sudden I hear a horn honk a couple of times. Oh no. T-fob is there. The car was parked in the grocery store parking lot and sometimes someone just asking a few more questions. Actually helped the day. It feels like you were a hero here, Russell, just by asking some questions. And so the, the person, this person eventually, you know, was saying, I feel so embarrassed now. I've got to call the police back.

[45:30]I got to call my security back and everything. I'm like, well, being embarrassed is a lot better than not having your car. So I think it's okay. Right? Yeah. This video is autoplay. There's nothing I can do to help it. So this person did technically file a fake police report and I think they also tried to text their family members while they were having like the vacation of their lifetime overseas. I'm not sure what country they may have been at that time, but, but so I was curious, like, does that ever happen to you guys where maybe someone, you know, has misplaced something

[46:03]and you have a very good feeling that maybe it's not misplaced and do you just let them go? Or do you say anything or what do you do? Russell? When, when, when Jenny says to me, I've lost this or I can't get this to work, I don't even move for 30 seconds because I know what's going to happen as soon as I get up. As soon as I start looking, she will find whatever she's looking for. The moment I am done, I'm like, okay, I'll close the game. I'll put it away. I'm going to just, I'm going to help you out.

[46:30]She immediately finds it and often we'll find it and then just not tell me that she's found it. So now I am continuing to look for something around the house that she has lost and then found. I don't. I, I can't think of an example where. An example where it, from my life, but I can relate to your car fishing out of Russell. I can, I can say I've done something similar when I was in grad school at the university of Minnesota. I recall one day driving to class and in the morning and then taking the bus home because I forgot that my car was at you.

[47:01]So I've been there. I get it. That's such a good bet. I number the number of times I came out from work and my car was still running. Whoops. Whoops. That's on me. That's my bad. How about you, Matt? You're a very logic based guy. I can see you having a hard time biting your tongue over something like that. Yeah. You know, and it happens often more with the kids than anything. It's like, where's my gloves? I don't know. Where'd you leave them? I don't know. Well, they're probably in the basket.

[47:30]You know where your gloves are supposed to be. Nope. I look. You go over. Yeah. Sure enough. Lift up one hat. They're the gloves. My line. She hates when I don't say my lines that I always say in real life. All right. You know, on the pod. She listens. I don't. I don't catch these things. You know, but so I always tell. And now Sarah is ready to punch me in the face half the time. And I said, well, you know, it's always the last place you look. Right. So you show this car fishing out of, well, you know, it's always the last place you look.

[48:02]So, you know, good work. Good job. So. Hey, I can't find my car. Is it in the bin under the hat? No. Yeah. No. Did you check the grocery store? No. There's something over here, but it might be just somebody honking at the grocery store. Roll it. Go on here. And how's it going with you? Russell, I would say you end up being the true hero of that story because you were supportive. And you did. And you did not move from your couch. So I did not move. I wasn't going to move. You're not telling anybody about it. Right. Or like talking about it.

[48:30]So like, you know, that's the thing. Like you just shiver like like Rosie said, you're with us friends here. It's not like it's out in the world for everybody else. You know, so. Yeah. But you did the right thing. Hey, man, it could be any car aficionado that I know. Oh, yeah. Russell, you dog. I love that. It's back. Yeah. Roll it. Go on. I was going with you. Which which one of these phones is ringing? Man, it's going. I got two phones. It's going great for me. I probably have a couple of things to talk about. But number one, first of all, number one, most important thing for me to talk about tonight is. I'm going to talk about the first thing. I'm going to talk about the first thing. I'm going to talk about the first thing.

[49:00]I'm going to talk about the first thing. I'm going to talk about the first thing. It's been a while since we talked, but I had the good fortune, the honor, the privilege to host Matt and his family at my home. Oh, yeah. And it was I just have to say thank you because they had a huge day of sightseeing and getting around and they made the trip over to Oakland to come see us. I was so happy. Also known as Coakland.

[49:30]Or Smokeland. Yeah. And it was great. It was just it was so cool them to come out, like come a bit out of their way to come see us. I'm so happy. We had a dance party. We had a dance party. We had a dance party in your living room. Totally. I can still like I can vividly picture in my mind's eye looking into my backyard and Matt's kids are out there playing with my son. It was super cool. So big ups. Thanks, Matt. Did you play any music while Matt was there? Did you play records or did you stress about what records you were going to play her in? No. You know what we played? We played mostly Louis Armstrong while they were here.

[50:01]And then it was like getting late in the kids night and I was like, oh, I didn't even show Matt my turntable. So we got a couple of records in, didn't we, Matt? Yep. And Eddie had the chance to put a couple on and then we finally got to the, much like, yeah, we finally got to the one that we were wanting to listen to, you know, because the kids got involved. We had to listen to 16 other records before getting to it. So we had some peanuts Christmas that we had to go on. How do you not? Matt, what did you do with the figs he gave you?

[50:30]Well, we brought them home. We checked them. Right. Or we brought them on the plane and put them up in the, and then, you know what? I forgot. I forgot them. I tried to get back on the plane. They wouldn't let me back on the plane, but I forgot them, so. Have you checked that parking lot across the street because you never, oh, wait. Man, can you just tell me, I know, I know, I know you're a nice guy, but what was the weirdest fucking thing that you saw at Aaron's house? Like, what did you see? And you were like, oh, I got to tell Rob about this. No, I don't think the weirdest thing, but the one thing I think the listeners like know

[51:02]is that Aaron is, he runs the cat house for the neighborhood. He's got like three cats. Yeah. I'm going to go. Oh, no. You know, in and out. And they're all very nice cats. Alice and James. Yep. Stuff like that. But yeah, Aaron, bleeding heart. What did the lady, she move? She go to a nursing home? Yep. Somebody across the street or something? She's dead, man. She's dead. She is dead. She is dead. She died. Yeah. She went into assisted living and then she died. Well, they cross her off the list. No, it's true. She is dead.

[51:30]A cat ate her throat while she was sleeping. Yeah. Yeah. This cat lady here is dead. So there was nothing, Aaron's house was totally normal. There was nothing, come on. Totally normal. Yeah. Great house. Great neighborhood. I mean. Could you see the whole way or was there too many shirts hanging up? Or like. I mean, I got all these. You could see the whole way. Okay. I did not. I did. But this is, that's the old bed. That's the old bedroom, right? This. Yeah, this one, no. We don't have to hang clothes in this bedroom. No, we have much more space in this house. Yeah. So. We can hang clothes everywhere. I did not make it to Aaron's bedroom. I did not make it down.

[52:00]I know. We didn't even give you the full tour. It was such a whirlwind. No. But I feel so blessed that you guys came out to see it. Do you have a basement at that house? No. We have a crawl space. Crawl space. We have a garage under the house and then the crawl space. Oh, geez. Gotcha. Okay. So, who was like the awkward, like, did Matt want to leave early? Did Aaron want you to stay late? Did Matt stay too late and imposed or. Yeah. How did the exit go? Yeah. Because Matt's an Irish exit guy. Well. But it's hard to do that with a family and kids. It feels like. Well, the kids, you know, the kids end up getting a little tired. There you go.

[52:30]And it's just time to go anyways. You know, so there's that. Yeah. You know, I felt like Rosie and I talk all the time. And then we talk in text more than people know about random things as well. I gather. You know, Sarah. Fuck. Private text. Sarah and Rosie's wife at gmail.com have been on the Wordle text chain for a long time. We're at 666 today. I don't know if you guys know that. I saw that. 666. Yeah. Wordle 666. Wordle number 666. Perfect for Black Sabbath. Perfect for Black Sabbath. We've been on the text chain so long. And those two had never met before. Yeah.

[53:00]So those two ended up, you know, they were thick as thieves back there. Drinking the wine in the kitchen while Rosie and I had to babysit our kids. It's gotta be nice to meet Aaron's wife. I've never gotten the chance to do that in person. I'm pretty sure. If I haven't. You didn't go to that wedding, did you Rob? Did you? No, I wasn't invited to that wedding. If you recall. We're invited to that one. No, it's not a big deal. I don't know. I think, I mean, Matt's being kind. I think we hit it pretty perfect. I think we nailed the goodbyes. Yeah. I think it was the perfect amount. There's one question that I got a text from Russell here on our text chain.

[53:30]And it says, please ask whose kids, whose kid behaved the worst. So which kid behaved the worst out of the whole group? America wants to know. Leo. Had to be Leo. Did you think so? Well, probably. He's just. I don't know. They were all really good. He's the bigger kid. Wallace was like, hey, watch this fun game I played. He started whipping rocks at Aaron. And then Leo's whipping rocks at Aaron too. Wallace was pretty decent when they were here. He didn't, he didn't hit me or anything, but he still, he was talking about Leo and Eddie just yesterday. Well, that's good. He was talking about how. One thing, one thing about leaving. I'll let you, then I'll let you continue is that Rosie did leave me with a few edible

[54:02]for the road. Just in case. Oh yeah. Try to be a good host. Dad looking out for dad. The first one. I don't remember. I think I don't know if it's a good for bed or something like that, but didn't really hit me. The second one, I waited till an hour and a half before the flight was supposed to take off. Oh boy. That's early. That was a little, little early. All of a sudden I'm walking down, we're getting on the plane, I'm walking down and, and I

[54:32]had been with, usually there's, you know, we're in like the rows of three or whatever. Right. And so, um, I had been sitting with the boys on the way out for the last couple of flights and they finally decided they wanted to sit with mom once as far. So Sarah was with the boys. I got my own seat across the aisle, kind of a thing. And I, I, it was, it was a little fortuitous. Those tens, those tens will hit you. Yeah. Yeah. Oh boy. When Aaron gave you those things, Matt, did he do it like a dad, like giving his son 20

[55:01]son 20 bucks to take a lady out like yeah come up and like shake your hand and give you a hug and then in the hand there was some don't tell your mother yeah exactly yeah this one will help get you rock hard well you know it's different in different households too you don't know i think that's pretty good that's enough out of me how's it rolling going with matt this will give you an hre uh pretty pretty good so i did have on my list that i needed to say thanks to rosie and rosie's

[55:33]wife at gmail.com for hosting us so it was nice we've got that rob you get an invite to go hang out with them this summer or not no i must have missed that it's got lost in the mail or something i must have missed that but i'll tell you what if i do go over to aaron's i'm going over every inch of that place i'm going to be like a crime scene i'll be taking photographs i'm in the crawl space , i'm asking you to see the lightsaber like i want i want the whole up and down tour everything come on out come see us um i saw a band last night called paper airplane and one of our loyal

[56:04]listeners sarah her brother is the lead singer for paper airplane they're a cover band oh nice and they are awesome they play like late 90s early 2000s like alternative pop music um you know what would be a france for dan played mia paper airplanes things like that and so i'm asking you to see the lightsaber like i want i want the whole up and down tour everything come on out come see us um i saw a band last night called paper airplane and one of our loyal it was sweet it was awesome they're a great cover band so your favorite favorite tune they played

[56:30]what was it um little thing what is that i believe in a thing called love oh the darkness for real yeah and with that and so sarah's brother is quite quite talented he can hit those notes wow a little tom petty uh american girl by tom petty you know like nice it's so it was pretty good they played paper airplanes by mia so where did they play at matt what glicks they played a great little spot went downtown yeah i went downtown last night downtown is not dead folks it was hot and matt's not dead after going downtown so i'm not dead it's all fine i'm

[57:05]trying to encourage the outstate folks to not be afraid of minneapolis well don't mention being dead that doesn't help man i said he's not dead last person i know that lived in minneapolis got their car stolen here allegedly i was walking around downtown i went it was it was like 85 degrees out right and now today it's snowing that's the worst last week it was like tuesday or wednesday i was walking around downtown and one of the cool things about all

[57:34]the concert venues we have in downtown is that all of these bands show up early right so you always know there's a tour bus parked in the middle of downtown and you never know who's on it but this one i happened to see one and they were going into the dakota right off of nicollet and i looked up and the name on the band they got it on they're wheeling the all the gear in was a sleep at the wheel and i'm like what the hell is a sleep at the wheel like i remember this band from somewhere and then i had to go back and look and so and this is the song that i remember from

[58:03]sleep at the wheel and i asked rob to pull it up same dude have you ever heard this song i don't know why we had this song in high school and absolutely loved it so apparently this is my sleep at the wheel sleep at the wheel this country band from the 70s and they sang this song big balls in cow town and i thought it was the most hilarious song in the world when i was in high school and i hear they're playing at the

[58:33]dakota and i missed the show damn it big balls in cow town this is weird because they have a second hit song let's listen to it right now soon we're gonna graduate work is almost through wow that's so weird i think the very next day i woke up i can't believe the clip i picked of the limestones was one of the most boring things i've ever heard

[59:01]in my entire life that's not right that's so crazy right aaron did you ever try out for the limestones or are they not your style of music uh you know i'm looking i don't know it's it's one of a number of regrets no i don't know i never tried out for limestones and i mean i got i got our college day i got bus keep trying to pick on the limestones and i shouldn't have because because our friend's brother was in the limestones and i was like oh my god i'm not gonna do that but um no like looking back like you know rob likes to say you should say you should say yes to stuff like i wish i had auditioned for the limestones why not right they were fun

[59:33]rob roll i'm going how's it going with you uh i'll tell you what i the other day i bought i shouldn't even tell you this story this is so embarrassing but i went after jujitsu and i got a gatorade and a diamond do okay dinner of champions by the way gotta have the hey you have to have those gatorades it's a physical requirement you're gonna cramp up if not you know i'm sure the guy at the bodega sees me coming in all sweaty from times square i'm like he's like wow that guy loves peep shows he's like this guy

[60:05]is loves the peep show game i'm like oh my god oh i'm sweating my elbow hurts so bad you ever think where your elbow just hurts my hands hurt from grabbing stuff too hard got cauliflower here real burn on my neck like what's this about yeah oh boy yeah i need to drink these so at the checkout day i just happened this is the worst i gotta stop doing this but i just when i'm at the catch i just look i'm like terminator 2 you

[60:32]know scanning the people at the bar be like and i'm checking to see if there's any fun candy that i don't know about yet like i'm i'm i want to get some fun candy like when hershey's came out with that cookies and cream bar i was like damn fun candy alert better get that or uh kit kat has a new strawberry flavor i was like boop boop boop boop new candy alert also lemon lemon kit kat very good oh rob one of my favorites is the lemon kit kat very good and i'm like oh my god i'm favorite things to do this is a rust move you would say that i love going with like the gatorade zero yeah and other zero sugar drinks and then adding some candy or something very unhealthy

[61:01]sir you want to buy a diet a mountain dew and a bunch of these sweet tarts yes i do yes please it makes you feel like you're not really doing things that are that sir i legally have to ask you are you going to combine these it's like cough syrup you can only buy so many it's like no no no no no you're over your limit of sweet step on the scale if you want to buy more we have to see how much you weigh um and so i bought they had and this is not a new candy alert okay don't don't blame me like that but

[61:33]this is i bought the um oh my god what do you call no no no no rob don't lose the bit right now taffy they're like a taffy thing but they're different colored ones are different flavors taffy no no no it's not like it's the um oh what is oh no this story is not going to work if i can't think of the candy starburst mambas it was like mambas or something no no no no it was like in a long package and you open it up

[62:03]and it's like god damn i'm too fat i can't explain the candy airheads or something like that airheads that's exactly what it was so it's these right it's the airheads it's the airheads you gotta speak up my guy so i bought one of these right so i buy one of these airheads now these are like in a long thin package okay and classic a lot of jiu-jitsu champions are like listen every day when you train you need to eat five airheads afterwards i'm like yes sensei i will do whatever you say

[62:33]you know i bought airheads and then he's like hey it's two for a dollar or whatever which looking back it's too expensive for airheads look at what they're not even that big i can get them on amazon what is this on amazon two for a dollar i mean 60 for eight bucks i'm getting ripped off of my big time rob have you heard about inflation i mean have you seen the price of eggs lately i know hey you guys see the price of airheads at my bodega in times square can you believe the bodega that's right next to times square is really expensive wow that's crazy who would think that uh it's

[63:04]me and a bunch of high school kids like on a tour i'm like excuse me i have to buy these airheads so i bought two airheads because he said they're two for a dollar i get home i open one airhead eat it delicious great decision rob still number one okay awesome proud of myself i opened the second airhead and instantly i know something's wrong oh no i open it and this airhead instead of being a flat like snake type thing is rolled up oh and there's

[63:30]plastic around it okay and i'm like wait a minute and all of a sudden my terminator 2 brain is going again i'm dissecting i'm thinking about things and i go this isn't a airhead this is a motherfucking fruit roll-up yes i opened this fruit roll-up and i was like wow this is gonna be i haven't had a fruit roll-up in years it was the highlight of my week when i ate this fruit roll-up it was one of the

[64:00]greatest things that happened to me all week it was so good we should be eating fucking fruit roll-ups all the time it was delicious to be fair you i mean you live a fairly i mean you don't live a boring life rob you're you're pretty exciting guys you're mad to be the most exciting thing and i think i'd been in italy for part of that week too actually i got back and when i had that fruit roll i was like mama mia this is so good i have to give you credit you have a lot of self-discipline to buy airheads and a fruit roll-up and to make it all the way home before

[64:31]you stuff those things down your body i do don't i yeah yeah well because i honestly i think if somebody saw me eating airhead after airhead on the train they would move away faster than the guy i saw trying to light stuff on fire like there's a guy next to me trying to light stuff on fire and i was like i'm gonna see where this goes before because i got it here like i'm sitting i got lots of room did the fruit roll-up have like the cutout shapes like could you pull like pull the star out of the middle of it or was there stuff in it or not they did and i ate it like i've eaten every single fruit roll-up in my life

[65:01]i crunched it up into a ball and i put it all in at once i'm not pulling it off i'm not doing it i would either do that or when i was younger i would wrap the fruit roll-up around my finger and then just suck on it and then at the end it would be like a sugary mess on my finger oh no oh my god this is my therapy i've realized it now i'm so fat i need to go primal scream this out but i highly recommend everybody if you are home tonight

[65:30]go and buy a single fruit roll-up at any store that sells them okay and if you're looking for one there is one on 48th street and sixth avenue so come on down rob is definitely he's earned his reputation as the main host and podcast man today when instead of talking about a trip to rome or a trip to memphis he talked about how he bought a fruit roll-up at the grocery store no no no i didn't buy a fruit roll-up but their heads it was accidental it was an accidental it was the onion ring in the fry situation or was it accidental i'm sure this

[66:02]guy was like oh wow he's grinding the fruit roll-up we've been trying to sell that thing for like 30 years nobody has ever bought a fruit roll-up i don't even know if my kids know what a fruit roll-up is honestly it's kind of like fruit by the foot i was trying to explain that the other day i was trying to explain what a fruit by the foot was or the uh bubble tape to him the other day i was like it's just a long tape yeah but you know aaron aaron do you want to guess aaron aaron aaron do you want to guess if i ever put the whole like a bubble tape in my mouth

[66:33]one time i'll give you one guess i'll give you a hint we will cover the answer to that question when we cover the song roundabout by yes all right so uh let's talk about i did spell it out for our people at home let's talk

[67:01]about uh paranoid by black sabbath um right now before we start i just want you to do this look at your hand okay look at your little fingies right now guys do it please okay you're like my kids at school you don't actually do what i say do these dumb things look at your hand and just say thank you just say thank you to your hand right now thank you because by the end of this you're going to be very thankful that you're going to be thankful that you're going to be thankful that you have a normal hand okay you're going to be very thankful by the end of this this is black sabbath's second album after their self-titled uh black sabbath album uh black sabbath is you know

[67:32]four guys but really i think the more famous ones are ozzy osbourne uh tommy iomi on guitar and tommy iomi is an interesting story because uh right before his last day of his job he's 19 he is working at a metal press in like an industrial building like he crushes the end of his on one hand just smushes him right off can you imagine it's just that's terrible that's a bad day like when i think i've had a bad day at work i'm like oh i'm so tired nobody listens to me but

[68:01]then i look at my fingertips i'm like yep they're all there still thank goodness i would say that's one of the most important parts of the fingers actually it's the tips he's like russell when he gets his haircut no tips you know what i mean like that's i think that's a rumor we could get going about russell no problem uh so what he ended up doing and of course he was playing guitar at the time and he was super depressed and his friend is like hey i want you to listen to this jazz named django reinhardt he's like why would i want to listen to guitar i can't play guitar i love playing guitar i can't do it look at my hand my hand i assume he had like a fucking clown hand right where like his hand was normal size and then the end of the fingers were all big and fat

[68:33]where they got smashed by the press right do you think that was a huge i don't know no i don't think about these things that much big like you think about the film sweet and lowdown where sean penn plays the world's second greatest jazz guitarist behind django reinhardt good film you gotta have a podcast aaron you gotta have your own podcast i should be on a podcast shouldn't i where you just listen to things and talk about we could just celebrate what aaron says on this podcast i'm just doing free association he didn't even say arrowheads earlier um and so what what he

[69:07]did is he listens but django reinhardt is a two-finger guitarist he has two fingers that he's fretting with interest because they got again just look at your hand say thanks because they got what i read on wikipedia injured in a fire and i was like oh god that sounds fucking bad oh my god that's a good one i'm gonna go to the next one i'm gonna go to the next one i'm gonna go to so so tommy iomi or tommy iomi his name is tommy t-o-m-i so it screws up with my head he made plastic fingertips out of like plastic shampoo bottles what and that's what he played

[69:37]this with he had fake fingertips he was playing with bionic fingertips and that's why this album sounds the way it does because with the plastic fingertips he couldn't play chords in a normal way so he had to add sounds and he had to play a little bit slower than most people so when you hear this album it's not a fast metal album no right people say this is one of the first metal albums it's not fast but it's heavy and a big part of that is this weird sound that nobody else could get because they didn't get their fingers smashed in a hydraulic press um and of course the big

[70:06]hit off this album was paranoid itself and that was probably uh sabbath's biggest hit of all time let's get right into it iron man i guess yeah i guess iron man yeah it's the only it's their only top uh it's their only top hit on the billboard was uh paranoid or in the uk anyway first song right off the bat you could not start an album in a more kick-ass way war pigs this is the beginning guys there's a fucking siren at the beginning of this album like a

[70:32]tornado siren air raid siren that fucking rocks they do a great job it's like this slow heavy like just pounding opening and then it starts oh yeah it's so good um this is my i love playing this song on a rock band this is now a go-to in my karaoke club which gets the best out of it from some of the seventh graders that i'm singing to speaking of rock band i did give one of my nephews all of my video games playstation games the other day including seven different versions

[71:01]of guitar hero and two guitars wow i haven't heard if he started playing them yet but really hooked him up you're supporting the arts i love it this is listen to ozzy's voice in this song listen how good this sounds and by the way generals gathered in i can hit all these notes easy i could not i had to record like four times i this is not an easy song or not an easy thing to mimic no i would

[71:31]ozzy osbourne is such a talented singer and then what a lot of these songs do is listen to this this this the temple picks up and what you're going to hear here is the bass now their bass player and lyricist for the band is a guy named geezer butler geezer butler is his name excuse me sir excuse me sir somebody is waiting for you in the geezer no geezer butler a lot of people do you as mr butler but you'll always be geezer to be i mean imagine

[72:01]your kid it's like oh i love our baby what do you want to name it geezer yes i also want to name it geezer that's a great name he looks like a butler doesn't he does look at him he's bringing us a little thing of water right off the bat or whatever a butler does i'm not sure listen to this uptick is this 1970 did you say rob 70 i mean crazy early crazy this is the same year as maggot brain

[72:30]so now we're not that far removed listen to maggot brain same year interesting i don't think it's a crazy dissimilar album right like a big long opening big long guitar solo it would have had to been listening to the same stuff cream beetles 100 now this one they get done with the album they need a three minute song they're like what are we gonna do and they're like tommy play a cool riff that you have because this is how they wrote all their songs the tommy would play cool riff ozzy would come up with a melody and geezer butler would write all the lyrics dude i think

[73:04]one of the lyrics should be oh no sir i'm having a heart attack okay never mind um and they say that they wrote this whole song 20 minutes no problem like it just came it came right in listen to the drums on this song the drummer's name by the way bill ward talk about a boring name right like do him and geezer go out and hang out at night they like go pick up women at the bar i'm also born i'm tommy i'm tommy

[73:33]i'm bill ward oh man i believe we listened to we listened to this one once before with the ring modulator list remember they ran the guitar i think on this one yeah next up is a song where i just wrote what the fuck next to it because this one if you put on this album and then heard this you'd be kind of bummed i gotta think i actually really enjoyed this track though it's like oh you can kind of just

[74:05]relax for me they wanted to prove they could play a slow song i'm gonna say no you can't relaxing i like the bogos i i thought this was if if uh radiohead and santana had a had a wild night and had an offspring song this would be the song maybe that's why i like it man i think about santana having sex almost every day really yeah

[74:30]smooth how many times do you think you've heard the song smooth in your life it's probably been 14 years no but how no no how many times did you hear it in your life what do you mean 14 years i don't think i've heard it well i bet i heard this song 10 000 times don't you think man you're a radio guy how many times did you hear this yeah i was gonna go with at least a thousand right but 10 000 probably sounds more

[75:00]real this was the biggest song you know what it does kind of rip i kind of get it too it's true rep thomas not a terrible singer i don't know and you could just i mean if you wanted to picture santana having sex on a beach you could do that that's easy to picture right oh yeah Victor Santana having sex on Rob Thomas, whatever you want. Matt, you're more of an alternative rock guy. Are you a heavy metal guy? Have you ever been into Sabbath or any metal stuff that came later or not? What is it?

[75:30]93X is the station in town here, right? Yeah. And I just never really got into the really heavy metal stuff. I don't even know the name of a lot of the bands, but the really heavy stuff where you couldn't hear them. That being said, the grunge stuff, I like when there's really heavy guitars in that. So I don't know if I can figure out why I don't like it. But no, I've never really gotten into the heavy metal stuff. And the Chez Longe. I mean, I think about Santana on there too. There's lots of places. This next one, Iron Man.

[76:01]Now, originally when they first wrote this song, when they made this song, they wanted to call it Iron Bloke. I mean, that would have been a great song. Bloke is one of the good words that didn't make it over here. Yeah, I wish you could get it going. Rob, do you want me to redo my parody tonight called Rob is Podcast Bloke? I will bring you guys behind the scenes of my parody efforts. I didn't know how to get the ring modulator to work,

[76:33]and I thought I could either ask Rob to do it for me, but then I would be giving away what the title, what the point of the song was, and I chose not to do it. How many times in your life do you think you've said, I am Iron Man? A hundred? At least, right? A hundred, yeah. When I'm coming out of a shower and there's like lots of steam coming out, I'm always pulling out the, I am Iron Man. The crazy thing is, you would think it would be in the lyrics

[77:00]other than the beginning, and it's not. No. No. In fact, you would think every time it's, I am Iron Man. But what's weird is, I think it's because he's speaking in the first person for the first line, and then he switches to the third person for the rest. Iron Man never talks again in the song. Much slower than you think, isn't it, Russell? When you're doing a parody song to it. Was it slower than you thought? It is. You kind of have to slow yourself down a little bit. It is slower, but I think you were talking about that, and I think these guitar riffs, is it Tony Iommi?

[77:31]Rob, you were saying his riffs are really heavy, but they're slower. It's not like thrash metal, like Metallica, or a lot of the stuff you heard later, but he's like widely considered to be the best metal guitar player ever, right? And when you look at, like, if you ever look for like best metal guitar riffs, all, all of the Black Sabbath stuff is at the top of everyone's list. But I thought we could take that a step further and celebrate some of the other great heavy metal guitar riffs in music history. Whoa, yeah. For the list. Oh, I'm excited for this.

[78:01]This is going to rock my fucking face off. I can't believe that. No wonder you didn't want to talk about Rob Santana in the next place. You were ready to get to your list. I get it. Well, speaking of Rob, well, the first song on the list is from lead singer Rob Halford. This is Judas Priest. Breaking the Law from 1980. That's a good guitar riff. Yeah, it's good. It really digs in. This is such a good song about just breaking the law.

[78:32]Like, it's just like, hey, we should do a song about breaking the law. All right, here's one. I think we heard this once before and it got us into a Beavis and Butthead. I was trying not to go into the Beavis and Butthead. That's all I think about. Because how do you not? I was actually reading that Rob Halford, the lead singer for Judas Priest, actually was one of the 250 people that were polled for Rolling Stone's Top 500 Greatest Song list. And he actually ranked Paranoid as the number one song of all time.

[79:02]Okay. Which I thought was interesting. And he actually named Black Sabbath, the self-titled album, as his favorite album ever, saying it was an example of what heavy metal should sound like. So he was definitely influenced big time by Black Sabbath. Oh, very cool. Next song on the list, 1983. The song is Holy Diver. This is Dio. I fucking love this song. His voice, Dio's voice is so crazy good.

[79:30]Now, Russell, did you find out what the song is about? I have no idea what it's about. Because the cover of this album is like a priest chained to the rock. And an ocean crashing around him. And I was like, this doesn't make any sense to me at all. It is a bit confusing. I would figure it's just like a goth-looking person who's out diving for clams or something like that. I don't know. What do you think? And Aaron's like, excuse me, can I talk to you?

[80:02]Oh, you also sell knives? Okay, I'll take three. Thank you very much. So did you guys know Ronnie James Dio, the front man for Dio? He was actually in Black Sabbath. I thought he was. In 1979. Yeah, Ozzy got fired for drinking and drugs in 79. And then Ronnie James Dio comes in as their lead front man for like three years that he gets fired. And then he comes back and he plays with him later. He joins him later. And actually years later, I think it was in the 90s,

[80:31]they were on tour. He was touring with Black Sabbath and they were opening for Ozzy and he refused to open for Ozzy. So he quit the band again because he wouldn't open for Ozzy when he was playing with Black Sabbath. And then Black Sabbath replaced him for two shows with Bob Halford from Judas Priest. Oh, man. Time is a flat circle. Whoa. Isn't that nuts? Oh, man. So he opened for Black Sabbath and then wouldn't sing for Ozzy? Like, did he take this through? He was playing with Black Sabbath on like an Ozzy tour

[81:00]where Ozzy was doing his own thing and Black Sabbath with Dio opened and he wouldn't open for Ozzy. That is so weird. That is so weird to get kicked out of a band and then go tour with them. All right, next up on the list, this is a band we've heard once before. Oh, Russell, I forgot something. I forgot something. Yeah, go ahead. Something Something Holy Drive. Driver. I just cannot remember where I parked this. I tried so hard to think of something better than Holy Driver. All right, next. Next song on the list, we were talking about thrash metal. This is much faster than Black Sabbath.

[81:31]This is Metallica, Enter Sandman was the one we're going to go with. Oh, yes. This is it for me of guitar riffs. See, this isn't that fast. This is when they slowed down a little bit, but there's too many Metallica guitar riffs to pick from. It's hard to choose one, right? And I feel like this is the most iconic. For sure. And I know pre-Sandman Metallica fans might disagree, but... Yeah, Aaron likes them with the short hair. He loves the Mission Impossible soundtrack.

[82:00]The Mission Impossible song is his favorite Metallica song. New Metallica this week. Oh, wow. I can't wait. Well, you know what, Aaron? I actually have a sneak peek of what Metallica's coming out with, and I think their fans are going to be impressed. Love is now on the way. And I'm going to try this Norwegian style. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Oh, yes. This is Lars' part. And the people love it. Aaron, you can hear the women screaming in the audience for that shit. I mean, it would be like Metallica touring with LimeWire.

[82:32]That's what that Ozzy Dio thing is like. Or Napster. I didn't even get that fucking thing right. LimeWire. James Hadfield said in 2015, Black Sabbath is his favorite band of all time. He got inducted Black Sabbath in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and also served as Ozzy's backing band when he got inducted in the Hall of Fame separately. So, clearly, Metallica heavily influenced Black Sabbath, right? Oh, yeah. I think all these guys are. Well, you know who else?

[83:00]Remember, we talked about this band once before. This guy also played with Metallica. He went on to lead Megadeth, Dave Mustaine. This is Symphony of Destruction from 1992. I wonder what was on the cover of this album. I'm going to guess there was a skeleton. I was going to guess a symphony conductor. No, probably not. Who's a skeleton? He's conducting the Airs Jordan symphony.

[83:30]I made xylophones on my ribcage because Rob can't think of another pun that would do with music and dine. Mustaine also really influenced by Sabbath. They actually covered a Black Sabbath song on a Black Sabbath cover album. And he said, Black Sabbath was one of the most fans that I heard first when I started listening to metal. I was so immersed in the music really early in my life that it became a way of life for us. So, Black Sabbath definitely influenced on Megadeth, too. Yeah, wow. Final band on the list.

[84:01]I feel like this is that one. In some orchestras, they play the cello. But in this one, we play the hello, you're dead. This is hard, actually. Okay, I'm going to think of another one, Russell. I'll be back in a little bit. This is the grip keeper from Metallica, Symphony of the Night. And I'll be back later. I just need to find where I parked. I know I parked my car somewhere. Where was it? Was that a Tales from the Crypt? Yeah, it's Symphony of the Night director who's like every other Megadeth album cover.

[84:30]That rocked and scared me. Rob, you might remember this. I remember watching Tales from the Crypt as a kid and there would always be some sort of somewhat vague reference to sexual stuff. Like there'd be a stripper or there'd be... He would always be real creepy about that, wouldn't he? Yeah, he's like... I look into their windows at night. And that's okay because I'm already scary. I'm the grip keeper. They call me the slits peeper because I'm looking through the slits in the windows. Oh boy, this is actually hard.

[85:02]I got to give a lot of credit to the people who write for the grip keeper. They're dead funny. Oh no. I can't just put dead in front of things. Okay, I'm going to think of one orchestra led by the grip keeper joke. By the end of this list. Orchestra grip keeper. Yep, Russell. None of this can get cut. Okay, we got to leave all this. Last thing on the list. I feel like, Matt, when you were talking about whether you were into metal, I feel like you might have been into this band. I could be wrong, but this is Rage Against the Machine.

[85:30]The song's Bulls on Parade. Oh, yes. Now, here's my question. And I'm going to sound really dumb. Is this a metal band? Oh, absolutely. Is it? Is it like a... I mean, this is almost a new metal. I mean, not... I think it's like metal and hip-hop, right? If you... I actually was reading a quote. I think it's Tom Morello. Is that the guitarist? Yeah. So, and he was quoted at one point. He was really influenced by Omi and Black Sabbath. And is it Zack De La Rocha is the lead singer?

[86:01]Is that right, Matt? Yep. So, he actually said once, I don't care for Black Sabbath, but Tom Morello also really doesn't care for the hip-hop riffs that I bring, but somehow we put them together and it works really good. Yeah. That is a great riff, though, that they're playing, Russell. And I would say that was not just a great riff, that was a great list. Great list. Great list. Rage is finally back together, but COVID has canceled their trip to the Twin Cities like five times now, it feels like. And so, just can't wait to see them live.

[86:31]Yeah, I've never seen them live. That'd be a show. And my skeleton is made of trombones. Nailed it. Nailed it. You didn't think I was going to get to an orchestra Crypt Keeper pun, but I did. Now, I noticed you guys haven't come up with any orchestra-based Crypt Keeper puns, so let's think about it, okay? Let's all try to have one by the end. Try to get up to your level. Next one. I don't know if this is the best lyrics ever or the worst ever. Electric Funeral. But not my favorite on the album here.

[87:04]It's not, but I will say this. Toward the end of the song, they start to rock it like this. Listen. When it speeds up like this, I'm like, yes. Yes, hell yeah. Yeah. That's like the Hendrix influence. Yes. Yeah, this feels like 1970s. Big time. You're totally right about that, man. This made me think a lot about my funeral. Do you guys think I should have a funny funeral or a serious funeral? Because here's the problem with having a funny funeral, right?

[87:30]If I'm planning bits at my funeral and they don't work, oh, what a way to go. What a bummer. You know how sometimes my bits on here I plan the most? Like a Crypt Keeper bit maybe that I've been working on for weeks. Don't do very well. That would be rough if that was the last thing. And then leave the church. Don't forget to push in your scares. It's like, wait, was that a Crypt Keeper thing? Do we push in chairs at a church? We're in pews. What is he doing?

[88:00]Did he have something wrong with his brain? Is that what got him? What? No, he died on the toilet eating a barbecue sandwich. Rob, what would you think if people came to your funeral and they did all your bits but didn't give you props for them? They just acted like they were owned. They're like, I will go up there and I say, hey, I just want to lose enough weight that I can cheat on my car officiant. Oh my God. And people are just fucking roaring laughing but they think it's my joke and not yours. You're stealing my bits? Yes. What would you think of that?

[88:30]I would haunt you from the grave. Can you imagine if I was the one haunting you? That would suck. Because you'd know I'd just be watching. I'd be in that bathroom right away. That'd be the first place I'd go. I was going to say, if you were, I don't think any of us, would be the ones that you'd be haunting if you had the ability to haunt. This was going to be part of my rolling going. We go to a swim club now and I go, so I'm back into locker room culture and I can't, every time I see a naked dude, I think of Rob. I'm always like, I bet Rob would be

[89:00]like, I can't. Why? Because I just feel, I just think about like what Rob would say about this naked guy. Oh no. Why would he say that? Because he said, he'd be peeping Rob. Well, I told you Aaron, if you and I switch bodies, the first thing I do is get naked and look in a mirror and see what I'm working with. All right. Hand of, Aaron's really good at this.

[89:30]Hand of doom. This is a fun song. So we've had a lot of nuclear annihilation songs. This one's about GIs coming back and getting hooked on heroin. Oh God. Yeah. But this, again, listen to this. Listen to this switch to the higher tempo, harder stuff. Listen. Kicks ass. When you realize

[90:00]they write these songs riff first, it makes a lot of sense because these songs are riff heavy. Unlike the podcast. I was surprised that people, I guess, what is it? Is it the, maybe it's the Apple music description or the Rolling Stone description that says like nothing, signified the death of the summer of love or the death of 60s like this album, but they're still sort of aligned with that, that leftist counterculture vibe, right? They're just doing it. It's like straddling a line or am I wrong? Well, there's a quote in here that Ozzy Osbourne

[90:30]basically grew up poor and the songs that they were hearing coming from America was all about San Francisco and flower power. And they had no idea where San Francisco was and they were trying to figure out what flower pot, you know, and so it was basically they were going, with the opposite of what that was. That was kind of their jam was to do the exact opposite of the summer of love stuff. Yeah. Okay. Next up, we have a drum solo, big drum solo, Rat Salad,

[91:00]it's called. And they said they had to play concerts for like an hour, 45 minutes. And so they do a 45 minute drum solo to fill because they didn't have enough songs. So the drummer's just stuck out there? Yeah. I don't know if it's for their drums, but another, big fan of Black Sabbath was actually back. He said in an interview with Q Magazine, his favorite riff ever is a song called Super Knot by Black Sabbath. I don't know if you can pull that one up quick, Rob. Super Knot. I would super, not. Yes, you would love to.

[91:31]Super yes. I'll tell you what, if somebody ties me down to the bed, you know what they better use. Super Knot. Super Knot. Oh. So this was his favorite riff ever. Favorite riff ever. I can see why. Yeah. I don't know, I think, I kind of hear, you kind of hear a little bit of back in there, don't you? For sure. That's definitely the sound, I believe. But it was funny, he was actually telling a story that when he was 26 years old,

[92:00]he was recording Odelay in the studio and there were actually two bands recording on each side of him. One was Black Sabbath and the other was The Muppets. Oh no. He joked that he actually stole the music of Black Sabbath and The Muppets and was part of a Muppet Black Sandwich sandwich and he was in the middle. Isn't that crazy? That's Russell's dream is to be in the walls between the Beck and The Muppet recording. Yeah. Well, my dream even takes it further because our guy Ozzy actually covered a song Born to Be Wild with our favorite

[92:30]Miss Piggy. This is Ozzy with Miss Piggy doing Born to Be Wild. That's beautiful. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. That's all I got. I bet Ozzy Osbourne would love to hang out with Miss Piggy because she'd be so good at cocaine. Doing cocaine.

[93:00]I mean... What? He's a big cocaine guy. Why would she be good at cocaine? Because she's got a big nose. She's a pig. It's right there. What are you guys talking about? Are you serious right now? Are you intentionally trying to make me mad? Why would Miss Piggy be good at cocaine? I didn't see it. What? Ozzy did do a magazine cover once where he was sitting with Kermit and he was acting like he was going to bite Kermit's head off. Oh, that's a good joke. Do you get that, Rob?

[93:31]He's like a bat. Kermit's like a bat? Yeah, it's kind of similar. No, he's not. He's a frog. They're not even the same kingdom. No, they are the same kingdom. They're not even the same I actually think they'd be very similar if you bit the head off either one of them. They're the same pile of shit. You can't just bite a head off a frog and act like it's a bat. I could tell the difference picking that up in concert. Guaranteed. We're going to do a test later. They both are kind of like rubbery looking. Gonzo would also be good at cocaine. Okay, I want to

[94:00]point that out as well. Okay, that's the problem. I ripped my pants open and it looked like I was giving birth to Miss Piggy. All right, so It is good we took the Lenny Kravitz detour. The next song is this is the song in between that they call Jack the Stripper. It's an instrument. It's an instrumental. The first minute 30. Then on Amazon Music that's a separate song. Then Fairies Were Boots. So this is more Zeppelin blues style, right? Rob, if you want to

[94:37]jump to the head of the end of the song I think I gave you a time cue. You guys got to hear this and see if you recognize it. You got to recognize this, don't you? Yeah. It's the same guitar riff we were talking about Metallica's influence. It's For Whom the Bell Tolls. Rob, For Whom the Bell Tolls is the exact same. Metallica took this from the end of that song. Yeah, they actually did. I never knew that.

[95:00]They just took it straight up, didn't they? The version I had on Napster didn't have the end of the song so I never heard this part. And it was also called Gin and Juice by Fish. Dot MP4. Yeah. MP3. Yeah. Big titty dot MPG. No, it's just Metallica again. Shit. Rob, do you remember your first adult content you ever saw on the Napster? Oh, yeah, of course. Are you serious? Going to hotsex.com?

[95:30]You know what? I'm going to look up what it's on hotsex.com right now. Hotsex.com because I'll never forget because my sister said, listen, she goes, listen, I got to talk to you about something. She goes, are you on the family computer downstairs? Visiting. And I'm probably at the time, I'm probably like 17. So she would be like 15. She said, are you visiting hotsex.com? Now, this puts you in a precarious situation

[96:01]because your sister is asking if you visit a pornographic website. What do you do? Or she's asking if your dad or someone else is visiting. That's what it was. I said, I said, yes. She goes, oh, thank Christ because I thought it was either you or dad. I said, I said, yes. I said, I said, yes. And I could not handle it. Dad is doing it. So you fell out the grenade for him. I did. I, you know, I love my dad. He's not, he's not waiting 10 years for a 56 K modem to download what might be a breast or might be a somebody in a swimsuit. You just don't know.

[96:30]Like it'd be like, and it was always from the top down. So you'd be like porn with stuff at top. You know what I mean? Like you're really trying to get desperate with your search. So it'd be like, you'd be like, oh yeah, that's a good one. Better put it on my floppy disk. Tell me if you go to my parents' house and you go, you put, you grab a floppy disk, there's a 90% chance that if there's a folder on there called star Wars game, don't open that. You open it up and it's like titty.jpg. Rob, remember when like, it was the thing

[97:00]like Cindy Margolis was famous for being the most downloaded woman on the internet. Yes. Yeah. I know that because I had a subscription to Maxim magazine as well. Russell, I did a true gentleman. I thought girls would like that when they saw they're like, oh, he reads Maxim. He must be a refined person. Did that also go to Dr. Roberta Ward? No. That's doctor. Let's see what's on hotsex.com right now. Yep. Enter. Yep. Just what I expected. It's pornography.

[97:30]All right. So that is it. Let's get into the reading system. Not as I remember. Did you see how fast all those things just came up though? I was fast and instantaneous. Not part of it. I'll tell you what. You know how I said that jerking off outside would be tough. Like that's the final frontier. Like that's it. That's what you know. You're like, I've been jerking off too much

[98:00]if I'm thinking about jerking off outside. I think there's something to masturbating and then hearing your mom trying to make a call over the modem picking up the phone and be like, hello? Hello? I need to make a call down there. Get off the internet. Mom, I just loaded thongs. I just downloaded the thongs category. What are you doing? I just downloaded perfect body. Type in tan lines. All right, let's get into the rating system. What are we doing? Jeez. Some music or something. Is this album

[98:31]paranoid by Black Sabbath from 1970? Is this like a piece of metal? Hey, piece of metal. It's great. You can turn it into shapes. You can put it in a box. You can put it in a box. You can protect stuff. You can build stuff with it. That would be rolling well-toned here at 139 yet again. Okay, seemingly trapped in the 130s. I will say it again. Is this album, okay, the best kind of metal? And that's a metal that is very, very heavy. And I'm realizing

[99:00]I should have done this at the third one. It's the big reveal because this is kind of the bit I was doing. Shit. Or metal that's very, very hot like a honing rod. It's a honing rod. Honing rod. Do you want to buy it? Yes. Oh, wow. I can't believe it. That would be heavy metal. That would be good. That would be rolling bone, right? Rolling bone should be higher on the list. Oh, my God. Okay, wait a minute. If it was like heavy metal,

[99:30]that would be good. So it'd be higher on the list. It got rolling boned or would it be a rolling groan just like light metal? Can you imagine a light metal? Oh, my God. Aluminum. Titanium. You know what, actually? I love this stuff. Aluminum. Like one of those cheap garbage cans that they hit each other with in a wrestling match, man. Like the cheap aluminum ones. And you think maybe you could do that to like kids in the neighborhood at home and it turns out to actually cause quite a bit of problems. Listen, maybe if I hit you again,