Taylor Swift: folklore (2020)

[00:00]guys you would not guess you would not guess what's wrong with my dog now it's incredible okay it's let me just say this let me just say this i have a full thing of insulin in the fridge and it's not for me so you lost that bet i now have to give this dog two daily shots of insulin with a needle and you might say oh rob that doesn't sound like a big deal but you know where i was going two days after i was told i have to give my dog insulin i was going to london so i had to teach my kids how to use a hypodermic

[00:32]needle okay that was not on my parenting list and when i showed my younger one she just started crying i was like that's not this is not good don't know what to do with this i hope it's not like in grade school when they came into the tea just with like not to do huffing and we're like we've never heard of yeah how do you that's the best thing from gasoline what the fuck i didn't know that i love the smell of gasoline you should be getting high on that shit it's made for me yeah just immediately everybody comes into

[01:00]silver noses all right that of course is a famous story where jenny and i met two new people in medical school they we brought them over to see a netflix movie and i let jenny pick the movie and she picked a famous documentary about uh romanian orphans who lived in the subway and huffed paint and by and these are people we had just met so like it just and so they came over we're all crying our eyes out and then jenny went to bench press yeah oh guys i don't even have time okay listen my wife came

[01:34]into a kid's party yesterday declared i need to bench we said no please sweetie these are 15 year old girls this is a teenage party the way now jenny goes i have to bench and i look at her and i go you you don't have to wear the singlet and she goes i have a meet coming up i need to wear the singlet so now she's got the bench out she's got the chalk on her back she is declaring what she's

[02:01]benching before she goes and these girls are just trying to sit there and eat their heart-shaped pizzas that they made like just oh my god just imagine if your mom started benching when all your friends would be over like humiliation my mom's like up there just doing the bar and like needs a spot to get the bar off the god damn it mom why do you even own this you suck she like tries to show off and puts the two and a half pound weights on each side and she has to do like the dump where you like you gotta dump the one weight off the other off rob i do have to say

[02:34]though i i think it's a bit strange that your wife did that during a party or whatever but to be fair you guys are the ones that have like a bench in your living room so i think like where else was she gonna do it you want to hear more about aaron or matt's mom doing the what's that machine rob that with the legs at the gym okay yeah yeah would that be the worst machine to have at your house rob like if you build up the full gym like the bench the rack that'll make sense like maybe you could get one of those lat pull-down machines

[03:02]but like if you went full hip abductor what else if you came over listen if if i think it's a different story if my kids friends come over i'm like okay guys just real quick just kind of pound out just a couple quick hip abductions five to ten feel the burn and then i think i might be getting some calls today i think the other thing that i've been doing is i've been doing a lot of hand-gripper things and the other most embarrassing would be like the little hand thing like the gripper thing where you like flex the hand on the little oh you're just talking about the spring

[03:33]thing yeah i kind of do this in the middle of the party that like bullies and movies use to indicate that they could like i don't know squeeze your balls really hard i've got this new weight group set up in my house checking out that's just the head if i went to the gym and some woman was just doing the hand gripper thing i the first thing i would do is my wedding ring would be thrown so far away i would look like a discus champion with my wedding ring and immediately go over there hey what's up hey did you ever work at maggie moose yeah oh sorry i tripped and injected

[04:04]these steroids into your forearms that's my bad rob speaking of forearms i was thinking about you the other day in my office building haagen-dazs has like a one of the suites in the office and they use it for training franchise owners so when the franchise owners are gonna buy like a franchise owner they're gonna buy like a franchise owner they're gonna buy like a franchise owner you walk by and somebody has a sign on that says i'm starting a union and they're like hitting them with a hammer and so they'll they'll rule number one go ahead sorry go ahead no no no no please your

[04:35]bit is funnier than my pro union bit so i was i was so probably four times a year once a quarter they'll bring in let's say eight ten twelve new franchise owners and they essentially teach them how to run haagen-dazs but they've got a whole setup in there like it's a kitchen it's got all it's all set up just like a storefront so they invite the other tenants in the building to come get a dazzler or whatever the the ice cream treat is that they have at haagen-dazs rob you'll be happy

[05:03]i did get the banana split dazzler i know you don't like the banana split but when you get it in a dazzler it's great i i guess i don't understand what is a dazzler what are you talking about it really is just like i think it's like a knockoff blizzard it's like ice cream in a cup oh with stuff in it yeah with stuff in it and someone hand mixing it's like a knockoff blizzard with their so the reason they flip they flip it upside down and the the guy the guy running haagen-dazs like no don't do that god no they've got they've got 10 to 12 people back there just

[05:33]jammed in this small area and they're all scooping this super hard ice cream and we walk in and there's a line so i mean you have to watch and the only thing i could think about the whole time was could any of these newbies handle rob like like would any of them be ready for what rob's about to bring to them in 2020 four friends decided to listen to every one of the greatest 500 helps us decided by rolling stone magazine this resulted i mean part of what they're teaching that store right is like

[06:01]somebody comes in with like insulin and they're like what do you do here you're gonna feed this guy like my dog would not be able to eat at haagen-dazs right now right joey and you guys might wonder oh rob's dog diabetes rob's got that insulin around does he ever just top off just maybe a little bit for the dog a little bit for me you know what i mean just a little little extra yeah just a little now i can eat the extra sugar and it doesn't count as calories or

[06:34]something i'm not real clear on how it works one of the new one of the new ice cream scoopers the franchise owner was having a little trouble and i said don't treat it like a little hamster you gotta like treat it like you want to get the poison out of that ice cream bucket right it's like you can't be gentle with these you're not gonna do anything to that ice cream that hasn't already been done to it if you don't get that ice cream out of that bucket rob someone could get really injured and i just say this too

[07:01]and the fact that it looks like coffee ice cream would probably make them more feel like they're at work you know what i mean what would you grab it it looks like it's like java mocha coffee ice cream is gray no i couldn't think of a gray ice cream excuse me oh rob couldn't think of a gray ice cream let's make fun of them i thought of a dark brown one they also had a pistachio ice cream and i determined that is the oldest of the old

[07:32]person ice cream ever that's that's for older people than the people who get like the uh it's like it's like oh it's a nut and it doesn't taste good how is that possible perfect all nuts taste good wait you don't like pistachios oh they're green remind me too much of vegetables right man you got my back here right too much like vegetables there's no way i love pistachios oh my god that's your ice cream favorite nut oh wow no who eats pistachios and ice cream that's what that was my question okay there you go by themselves salt and pepper rob i

[08:01]just want to i just want to gain enough weight to cheat on the person that i cheated on my wife with oh my god oh this is so complicated he unswapped the wife swap oh wow deswapped honey why are you gaining weight you just cheated on your wife with me but now you're gaining weight if we do the entire talk about something within the confines of rob's intro is that like a new that's like inception right if we if we do the

[08:31]whole episode and then he finishes the intro at the end then the top is still spinning matt's already fashioned something out of this robe belt that he brought downstairs i'm not sure i think we need to get going uh listen uh let us make this podcast we're far from experts we promise to do almost no research all opinions are our own unless you disagree please sit back and enjoy becca did it better we are all the way down the album 170 again okay and from 2020 we have a new entrant into the top

[09:01]500 albums as decided by rolling stone magazine now a lot of smarter podcasts would have said hey when should we do an episode about taylor swift should it be right during the super bowl or before maybe that would help our seo or should it be about three weeks after that would make a lot of sense right uh but we're dumb shits no one's ever not searching for taylor swift in 2024 someone's always searching for taylor swift in 2024 we're good i would say a lot more people even if we could do like the get the angry taylor swift people oh i don't know what

[09:32]the fuck she's running football i'm angry we're gonna get into it yeah you know what's really football aaron yeah i agree with the pain athletes in college what is going on i'm upset about is not getting the ball out on that third and four a little bit quicker i'm calling the time out if we got to listen to aaron wind about it's like iowa state football yeah this is the end of the show and i john's online you can sit in for me tonight yeah i can't do this i got a lot of thoughts about taylor swift and her but it's not just i'm not i'm gonna pull the veil but i'm pulling the veil

[10:03]back right now though guys it's not tonight i don't usually tell we don't always tell the listeners this but tonight is a double yeah it's a massive double right i mean this is it this is like the battle for the hearts and minds of america you gotta choose a side massive uh double that's like one night we weren't gonna talk about that what happened in vegas that was a night i had my sophomore year of college can i tell you can i tell you what my rob you have to you have to play your song here

[10:34]russell listen can you russell can you please stop interrupting okay we have to get through this show all right let's play my parody song and i just want to say this uh sometimes you find an album where it's incredibly funny to make it it's hard it's incredibly hard to make a funny parody song so instead you have to make a little sweetie parody song and you have to make a little song where you're nice to everybody so here we go what's up everybody welcome to k-rob k-r-o-b you know sometimes it's hard to make a funny song so you just have to make a real song oh yeah

[11:05]i always worried when the podcast began would we be funny one thing i would care about the most is who would listen to this i used to think we could get a little fame maybe some money i realize now that's not why we do this

[11:31]we've got four guys through states and both coasts but what i look forward to the very most is trying to get everybody to laugh we get in trouble for being too loud aaron keeps saying things i have to edit out but there is something i need to say right now i have to say my favorite part of the

[12:01]week is when i'm podcasting yes i get to talk and joke and laugh with my friends i don't care if everyone stops downloading even if i wanted that i would have done a show about wrestling when you want to hear about the greatest albums of all time but you're just too lazy to look it up

[12:32]online if you want to hear from guys who chat and then they get off track i've got the perfect podcast for you jack beck did it not a great conversation piece turns out nobody wants to talk about that listen we are here we were talking about taylor swift we are talking about folklore okay and i've got three guys here who cannot wait okay to go back in time we're gonna go back in time delorean up to 88 miles an hour oh and remember you need plutonium

[13:07]for that okay because the i'll tell you what when those iranians come in in that movie and they are driving that car god damn do they look like they're gonna tip over you know what i mean like they got that minibus i'm just like jesus that would be so scary to drive that thing that fast that was always terrifying to me now and when i was growing up every time i saw one of those minibuses i'd be like iranians i'd be like that's the connection i made my head uh i've got

[13:33]aaron in california or no i've got oh my god that's almost a disaster i've got russell minneapolis russell how are you doing rob i can see you standing honey with your arms around dauber's wife's body laughing but the joke's not funny at all because after a while i'm like oh my god you're your finest five whole minutes dolph lundgren chopped off your head and left your big daddy shirt out in the hall oh i couldn't hear the end part because i was thinking about dauber's wife on the hip adductor that was i was i was off in a different world for a little bit

[14:00]joe from woodbury's best friend dauber's life rob i think you've had a night like the carnival court before and you didn't like the ending i did have to text my wife the other day i do not want a wife swap because she was talking about somebody at the gym how funny and cute they were and she said don't worry kind of like oh fuck you know you gotta kind of put it out there just like maybe i went too far don't worry there's no swapping involved yeah like there's no swapping you don't have to worry about the swap yeah the swap part is out hey you just make sure you switch the batteries when they die out okay those batteries fresh at that camera rob we're talking about rob how often do you have

[14:35]to bring that up to normalize it where you think you could actually get it get it through over the goal line like is it like once a day to bring up the wife swap or how often before it's just okay enough where she's not like wait a minute he's bringing up wife swap like oh honey what do you want what do you want in your coffee coffee cream i wonder what if we what you want if we swap wives how many times can you wife swap in 24 hours where do you want to go on vacation next oh i'd

[15:03]really love to go to cole's resort yeah northern minnesota cole's resort home with a wife swap rob over under for bad and aaron how also with aaron how many times has aaron made a wife swap joe in his house with his wife in the room oh i have hundreds you think over a hundred hundreds you think so guys why not i'm gonna say under four under four and a half because russell what if

[15:30]you turned to me and she was like you know i actually would be interesting swapping wives i'd be like hit me i'd be i'd be in that time machine back to vegas so fast i'd be like this counts hey okay okay so you said we could have a wife swap let me ask you this if i go back in and i do a wife swap is that cheating on you as i'm like disappearing i'm turning to like nothingness wait a minute rob married that woman in vegas uh i've got matt minneapolis matt how are you doing

[16:01]uh good rob there is no there is no amount of crying i can do for you well we'll we'll test that today man because we still have a double i got a little real we're we're only we're not even through the intros of our first episode yet 21 minutes in i've got aaron out in california now aaron recently was going to go on a trip to the mountains okay but aaron that trip got canceled okay but the problem was he heard they were funny and then he just found out that they were hill areas hill areas they weren't funny they were

[16:30]hill areas that's good maybe that might be why i'm wearing your cardigan kissing in your car again let's talk about taylor swift all right listen guys why are we doing taylor swift before beyonce when beyonce is higher on the list somebody somebody can explain that somebody medical nope our special guest can explain that real quick john explain it special i don't think he's listening i think he kept it on to be polite he's like i gotta get out of here this unedited

[17:01]can you can you hear it doesn't yep yeah are you in the bathroom oh god this is my next week's rolling going actually i might have to jump into the front of the line john why are we doing why are we doing beyonce or uh taylor swift first because rob had a joke about taylor swift last week thank you thank you john someone needs to mute him he's legit in the bathroom

[17:32]us on the back line i'm gonna ask unmute i just click the ask to unmute button 802-277-2325 be a real shame if somebody called somebody that was with him right now and made them break into the bathroom and take a picture that'd be pretty funny though yikes all right let's listen to the voicemail hey guys magic mike a couple things real quick uh first of all aaron i also remember the mcdonald's for release

[18:04]i constantly if i ever had to play um for release for a piano class when i was in college it would just get stuck in my head yeah yeah and it's always that part yeah the same part that you did the whole and all that would do it what was it and i won't give the fries to my dumb brother yeah anyway yep super annoying so what the fuck is going what are they talking about and i would eat my fries myself and not give any to my dumb brother but

[18:30]oh my gosh commercial yeah so um but the real reason i'm calling is i think i need to go into russ's advice corner oh all right the water is fine this has never happened get get get get to the corner it's time for magic mike 69 corner do i need to keep my pants on for this part of the segment or do i go back to the way we used to do it wait a minute have you been taking your pants off every time you

[19:00]go in this corner and only then maybe we should just move it forward yeah no wonder russell has loved the advice corner so much let me tell you about these cryptids rob could you go to the advice corner in 24 hours advice corner more pubic lice corner my pants fall down thanks a date last night oh yeah and we were at the bar it was the first date just to get a drink get to know each other first first date kind of thing and um the bartender kept hitting on my date like joining the conversation um making comments

[19:36]on anything she was saying you know tell her hey you know come back i'll get you i'll hook you up or this special drink you know basically like hey when you're not with this guy over here come back and i'll hook you up so in that situation what would you guys have done uh obviously i'm not going back to that bar with any future dates but um you know but in the moment i didn't really know

[20:02]what to do it was i think it would have been awkward and i think i mean she was aware of what was going on i think she was enjoying it you know just as one does you're you know that's not um but yeah oh and then yeah as we left like you made sure to come around the bar i gave her a hug probably 10-15 years younger than she is so you know for him it's probably just some kind of like

[20:32]a mill fantasy kind of thing but definitely awkward situation for me uh so what would you guys do let me know bye i can picture aaron doing his classic five dollar bills on the bar for the taking one off every time he hits on the wife and then he comes around and hugs the wife physically and aaron then puts 10 more dollars on the bar is like yeah i mean look man all you can do in that situation is you gotta you can you can only bet on yourself so you just be as kind and polite as you can be to the bartender and you're there for as long as you're there and then and then when

[21:02]you're not there anymore you you gotta lay down the law you gotta put your moves on aaron listen he came around the bar to hug his day then you should knock him out yeah this is ridiculous yeah you should have hit him with a bottle that is wild you can't say anything you just gotta go you go with it you make you have the you have the most fun time you can and if you're vibing with your date when the bartender goes away you give him some grief or give the bartender some grief you say like that's kind of you give him a look remember we've talked about this before with

[21:31]the one thing that brings people together is ripping on somebody else and if you're there that's that's the way to bond on a first date and actually i will say this we've talked about this before i brought my wife and i brought my wife and i brought my son and i brought my wife and i brought this up to you guys i should probably know the date but one of the first dates i may have been the first date i had with the upstairs roommate um it's got to be probably 11 12 months ago at least but one of the things i brought this up on the podcast at the time there was a bartender it was

[22:11]at a bar burrow in minneapolis and i was like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm gonna be in minneapolis and we did a first date there we were sitting at the bar was a fun time and everything but one of the bartenders went like out of his way was like constantly in our conversations constantly talking about stuff but at one point like it kind of became a bonding moment where you kind of bond and like hey this guy's getting pretty annoying and and then you

[22:32]gang up and you put all your forces against like the awkwardness and you flip it on the bartender love it yeah i would you know what i would do is that when he comes around to hug the date would be on the diametrically opposite side of the date also hugging but get my arms around him too bartender sandwich right like over hugging now love it or lean in with your cheek just feels good to hug doesn't oh no i was picturing hugging my date on the other side

[23:01]no you gotta hug the bartender bartender in the middle oh i bet my erection was bigger than his huh i mean rob you've also i believe you said it on that same episode i don't think i'll be able to find the episode tonight but you said the move is you spill that drink and you make them clean that shit up don't you have to oh yeah that's it there you go that's it and you order something like you order something like blue you order one of those blue drinks so when you spill it it's a huge mess something blue

[23:31]no i need a little a little more blue curacao with that one right oh go heavy on the syrup real heavy on the syrup i got is this like a thing that bartenders just do they just they can sniff out first dates and they just do it for the pure enjoyment of it oh yeah i think so i think you're right man so i don't know well first of all i just gotta say it's always good to hear from magic mike 69 and i really want at some point he's gonna find somebody that he's gonna go on

[24:01]three four or five dates with and we have to hear we he has to call in and tell us about the first time that he tells his date that he listens to this podcast of a bunch of clowns from minnesota and they call him magic mike 69 and so he's like a a major bit on this uh podcast that has hundreds of listeners and they call him magic mike 69 so yeah we have to hear about that story eventually my advice is wait until after the wedding day to say oh yeah i sent those guys gifts once too i would hold off on that i never got them yeah they didn't go pick them up because rob doesn't you do have to watch

[24:33]it though like if you're on the first date and there's a bartender or server getting a little strange you if you kind of kind of make an offhanded comment and that isn't received well by your date that could come off like petty it could come off as insecure it's kind of a fine line to walk isn't it yeah they're watching you for how you how you react it was goal number one on a date having sex with that person okay goal number two watching that person have sex i mean so there's a

[25:01]chance right where you're like well listen i'm pulling the ripcord on this one but somehow i gotta work my way into that we're gonna plan b goal number three confirming whether they were with or without child before you went on that hey can you pee under this strip no reason yeah that kid's probably three years old now maybe four oh that's oh my god i was renting my downstairs office that kid could be downloading this podcast right now right that's one downloader

[25:32]we should be connecting with honey uh this could be the new father then it's like this whole thing oh my gosh russell what a great movie this would be the other question i would love to know from i think this adds a little intrigue is did his date get there before him because if his date got there beforehand they you never know they could have sat at the bar said hey i've got a date with this guy i don't know anything about him i'm a little leery help me out you know like and and also the bartender knows first date if this doesn't go well i'm swooping in for the same and and i'm

[26:04]i'm i'm making the money tonight if you know right like yes if you know for for brian's kids and i'm making the money mean i mean i think they still listen to the podcast what do you think he's he's reallocating the tip he got from that other guy at the bar that night reallocating the tip is uh i remember that porno but i think there are six six version six episodes of that one i've heard of serve service service fees but sir piss please that was gonna be way worse oh

[26:36]sir tip tease something like that what are you doing right hey i'm just reallocating the tip baby don't worry about it okay i gotta get we would love more magic mike uh dating advice quarters we're begging you okay we're gonna get you out of the corner but my advice to you is to go on more bad dates and let us know because we get anywhere from 10 to 12 minutes of content out of that we don't know if it was a bad date though we don't know if it was a bad date we don't know

[27:02]how it turned out it would have been a great date honestly okay but no it wasn't he got his socks back yep uh listen can i just say this if we're talking listen everybody's talking about this everybody should be calling in with their worst dates obviously russell i mean you saw russell guys he came alive during that segment he was back to his old ways he's like oh yeah he's back to analyzing looking at every move seeing what's going on russell i went on a date with my wife i was in london recently okay we order a bunch of food the waitress as after we order the waitress says you have ordered too much meat and just sat there now what do we do at that point when when

[27:36]she says we've ordered too much meat was this like they're concerned about your cardiovascular health for the environmental impact or like there's actually not enough meat in the restaurant to satisfy your desires like what's going on i think they were literally worried we had just ordered too much meat that we weren't going to be able to finish and then for some reason we would get mad at them for not warning us oh you're like i got this my wife informed them in a very normal way by the way this she said i still need 80 grams of protein which i gotta admit when somebody says

[28:05]that to you you cannot argue because you're like i'm not quite sure what that means like i have no chicken breasts i don't even know what how many i have no idea like what is it 12 eggs i don't know 80 grams of protein i don't even know it was it's something so anyway let's get into rolling going tell us about your bad dates we want to hear it it's time to see what everybody's up to aaron and matt and i so married we don't have bad dates anymore we never make a mistake with our spouses

[28:31]no advice necessary we never tried to start fights just to give some meaning to our lives ah so things are going well for me matt rolling going how's it going with you uh good um my mom basically introduced my kids to drug smuggling you know i always make fun of the i always make fun of the north dakota folks right because they're taught my kids how to drink can i just say this matt real quick i'm so sorry

[29:00]if you were a drug smuggler that would be the one time you would not want to have to be buying condoms you know what i mean like if you're a drug smuggler let's just get regular size condoms okay what well because they're going they're going in like you have like john can you explain why they wouldn't want magnum size condoms as a drug smuggler what am i going to wear then you guys the con do you think the drug smuggling wears the condoms aaron i don't know i mean when you're smuggling drugs you want the biggest condom possible to go up your ass

[29:35]thank you john i'm just saying if they're like listen you're going to swallow these drugs we're going to put them on condoms you're going to swallow them and you see that they bought all magnum condoms you'd be like oh my god just regular size condoms those condoms are way too big for me to swallow no thanks yeah so the north dakota people taught my kids how to famously how to drink how to swear

[30:06]how to drive that's what we learned up there but my mom's you know all of a sudden she's like my kids are into these squish mallows i don't know oh my god oh i love squish mallows yeah so many of them whole house comes in and it's like oh you're squish mallows guys i just heard a story on the news about these people that were smuggling in drugs through the squish mallows can you believe that and so my kids are like huh what's drug smuggling what are drugs first of all

[30:34]i heard a story on the news about how if you spray an aerosol can in a bag and huff it you don't need to hear that story so i don't know i can't uh i can't fault the north dakota people from teaching my kids all the bad stuff because my mom is now taking over that job so geez wow that's hardcore yep that's it oh my cozy my kids are leaving my kids are leaving tomorrow and going with my parents for one week in florida one week oh one week it's gonna be so sweet i can cook like

[31:01]whatever dinner i want if anybody hates it it's just gonna be my own fault it's gonna be great love it yeah that feels why are they is it just for the heck of it or is it spring break spring for them yeah really that's kind of early isn't it or is it always i i don't know but they got to get out of here listen listen i know you guys live here we've tried to have them keep them here like during the week break before you can't do it it's like it's like an alien slugs come down from outer space and they just slowly take over your apartment yeah send me money i'm buying mr good bars from

[31:33]dwayne reed it's like now you're home too much you're going to your parents it's just chocolate and peanuts nothing else doesn't make any sense all right man candy coating oh is it rosie how's it going with you oh man it's going great i had i had a real adventure the last i don't know what was it 24 36 hours we so yep you know it you know it uh we were we were planning to go to southern california this weekend to visit

[32:00]one of my son's little buddies but um they're oh this is the one you didn't really want to go to so that's why now we know why it got canceled yeah no we couldn't so oh but it's a holiday weekend we can't go crappy 72 hours holiday weekend so we had to find something for him to do so we were texting with a friend to see if they could come over for dinner on sunday they have twins and he's uh he's good buddies with their twins and the monsters will know but we are going to the great wolf lodge on friday for the day and also part of saturday

[32:31]yes are you guys familiar with the great wolf lodge oh yeah there's one in i think that's the right so this was my first time 94 in cedar but like the south side of the city so we're going to south west quadrants of that you know yeah the mall is on the southeast great wolf's on the southwest yeah so first time at a great wolf lodge bloomington side the bloomington side my favorite thing about the great wolf lodge is everybody in swimsuits there is attractive those bathroom lines are always super long and every tattoo is wonderful all of that's perfect

[33:02]but i mean i might i might make like a i'm gonna see if i can make a list off the top of my head because i will be honest the great wolf lodge both exceeded my my my expectations and ground me to a fine dust we started yesterday at 11 a.m and then we went back today and going back for the second day really messes with your like you went to a water system two days in a row

[33:31]yeah aaron yeah the second day was too much i know you're gonna get diarrhea really bad just let you know there's a hundred percent chance you're gonna get sick you went to have a water park two days in a row i would that would be like my torture yeah they did at one point yesterday after we had been in the wave pool all of a sudden we looked over in the wave pool had been emptied and we were like what why did they have to empty the wave well they didn't tell us what we were exposed to or why so who knows like i don't know it's fine by the time you guys see me next who knows what kind of skin rash i'm gonna

[34:03]have i'm not sure but i gotta say what was fantastic was um i can tell you what kind of rash i would have if i was in a pool for two days straight holy cow i mean that i would just i'd be on my bed with a blow dryer and some gold bond i'd be there if just gold bonds would be being applied all over yeah i don't know we'll see how i end up tomorrow but i'm today i feel pretty good so i i really loved there was a slide where you stood in like a little pod and then you're in the pod and then it counts down three

[34:34]two one and the floor drops out below you and you like no way down like that was that no way no way aaron i i went on a school trip with middle schoolers and we went to a water park and i was like you know what i'm fucking doing it so i was american flag swimsuit yeah no shirt just walking around with your teacher with no shirt on i walk up to that water slide you get up there weight limit 250 way under what i was i'll just put it that way way under it but

[35:05]i'm like you know what i gotta i gotta show up for these kids i'm gonna go up on the slide go up to the top they've got a fucking scale yeah at the top of the water this place had scales too yeah they've got a scale so instantly i see the scale and i have like a full-blown panic attack because i cannot now see the scale and then back off in front of these kids so i'm like but it's on your hands now we'll see what happens so the guy goes oh hey step on the scale before

[35:32]you get on the slide i go no i go no no no i'm under i'm not stepping on the scale he goes okay this thing locks the door and i was like yes wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute i was like maybe this was the best decision and sure enough i went fucking flying around this loop air and i was like oh it was crazy i like went through the end i almost look like one of those bus accident videos that stuff is not for for old people man like you it really starts to mess with

[36:01]your your head by the end of the day so the the whoosh down with the thing with the floor drops out they got a bunch of rides where you go on an inner tube that was actually amazing because you can go with your kid on the inner tube that was all fantastic great spicy margarita at the bar i thought i was going to drink way more and then it turned out like you couldn't because you were trying to go on too many rides but the spicy mark was good aaron what do you do when you're at a water park and you're in a line on the stairs where are you looking how are you just like looking wherever you can yeah tough call i was with my kid the

[36:38]way matt thought of me yeah i wonder what i wonder what that's not big foot outside he's like but it does feel strange because there's someone always trying to like push past you right like it's you know people are in line kids don't know how to be in line and like certainly by by today you start feeling like you're gonna like yell at someone or like you're at the top of the line for

[37:00]the water slide and a kid cuts you in line and the first four times that happens you go like well they're a kid like it's fine and then at some point you find yourself wanting to be like hey get in line and then you realize like that's not a good idea like you don't need to do that to people so definitely by by the time we left it was time to be done pretty soon you're like michael douglas at the end of falling down right you've caused all this trouble you've punched like three kids and you're like wait i'm the bad guy what's going on in this world but yeah it was intense man it's like a water park is serious so but by the end of the morning today the kids were just

[37:30]in the regular pool they were just like we just want to swim we don't need any more like of this of this shit like just swimming so but i think i survived we'll see but i don't know exactly what i might have picked up along the way russell how's it going going with you you didn't pick up any uh uh milfs for the wife swap though hire no i did not oh hey you can bring it up with the wife see how it goes over four and a half man i'm having fun at this water park you know what else would be fun

[38:00]wife just joking just joking you know i couldn't see your face you're facing away let me say it again okay yeah yeah you're bad i was just joking rolling about things are going good i actually had a pretty action-packed weekend last weekend i thought i could share some of my experiences the first one i went to the orpheum i saw a musical i saw mama mia wow there i go again how can i resist you nice you know what i will say about that show

[38:35]it might not have had the best singers or the best plot and all that of all the ones i've seen at the orpheum but there's something about going to like a light-hearted fun show where there may be like one or two mildly serious scenes but yeah there's no like assault there's no there's no brutal stuff there's no violence it's just a fun show with fun music so i say thumbs up to mama mia at the

[39:01]orpheum super fun time listen russell when you're like me and you only see comedies or fun shows people think you're dumb but you're actually smart because you don't want to why would you want to subject yourself to emotions that you don't like it's crazy plus mommy is fun you're up at the end you're dancing it was really funny the cast did a great job we had a great seats it was fun the only thing that will spring up on this to see what you guys think of this the first half of the show before the intermission had all of what i consider to be the hit songs you guys might know

[39:35]more of them or people that are into abba might know more of them but you have money money money mama mia dancing queen super trooper and then of course gimme gimme gimme which was about what erin oh man after midnight no no gimme gimme gimme what is that about you remember that it's about a fuck fest but the second half of the show i've only recognized one song

[40:05]and so i was kind of like waiting for hey where i need another killer too and then they hit the opening note on this rob you'll have to pull it up and the crowd erupted take a chance on me oh wow they broke into that and the crowd went bonkers for it it was fantastic so they did it on purpose that was like they had to have a little pull it back so they it was the penultimate song this video is amazing can you imagine because you know abbas came from that

[40:33]eurovision contest show imagine you're on that contest and you go up against abba you just be like are they on the list anywhere matt they have to have an album somewhere right this is too good not to be on there i also have continued three the definitive collection we're gonna make it in our lifetime in our lifetime yeah it's the single compilation

[41:03]of the singles released by swedish oh yeah kind of a greatest hits but i don't know if they really had any they'll probably remove that by the time we get there russell i got that video a bunch of swedish women singing is none of us were paying attention to anything anybody was saying i've also continued my strategy of always getting tickets right on the aisle so the upstairs roommate can get up and to the very front of the line i got a big thank you from the upstairs roommate for always getting those tickets in the front of the line in the bathroom orpheum you guys can go fuck yourselves with the way you

[41:34]guys operate bathroom facilities at that place it is ridiculous there should never be a line that log to use the restroom no russell is pro letting women go to the bathroom yes second thing i uh that was a friday night saturday night i had uh my niece and nephew in town my sister and her husband dropped their kids off they were going out for a night so uncle russ is playing host

[42:00]to his niece and nephew i was going to share with you guys some of the things we did it's about these did you know russ's wheel of there was no wheel of fun this time all right but i do want to hear about it i'm excited i hate russ i hate uncle russell's house now his upstairs neighbor threw made him throw away his wheel of fun when he moved in here he said there wasn't enough space for the wheel of fun it was either that or the dvds he couldn't you know what happened to all that went up and all the christmas decorations we gave him she burned him she got rid of him she threw him away what happened to our pictures on the fridge threw him away that lady

[42:34]over there did it yeah that seems fair yes all right first thing i did i was looking around i was like what could we do that would be fun something different somebody had not been to before i got tickets to disney on ice at the target center for me and my niece and nephew what do you guys think of that that's brave you took two kids to disney on ice i took two kids to disney on ice i got good seats down at target center so what was the wildest things they were selling in the aisle there was a lot of oh the there were two there was a lot of light

[43:04]up things where kids are like holding these you know wands that are lighting up but the one that got i didn't really experience it till the end when we were walking out the worst was this machine that was like throwing bubbles all over so like kids are like you could have literally been sitting next to a kid that was just spraying bubbles on you for two hours oh yeah don't need that i did they still have the magnets remember the magnet wheel one where like spin and go down a track and then spin up the track and spin down you could flick it back and forth yeah yeah all right those

[43:34]are the things that i love the most about disney on ice i don't know if i get good at this this could be like my job like my kids are like my parents are like you're an idiot i actually had to ask my sister i was going to ask you guys my niece and nephew are kind of in that like seven to nine age range eight to ten somewhere in there um what's the right age range you don't know your ages of your name come on somewhere between six and fourteen i'm not sure you know the ages of all your nieces and nephews aaron doesn't know shit my sister is always flabbergasted i don't know the

[44:04]ages of my nephews i'm like i don't know they're like here i'm talking to their names yeah but i did ask my sister i was gonna ask you guys what age do kids are they out on like disney on ice or something like that because i was i was like maybe a 10 year old maybe they're not maybe they don't want to go see disney on ice but what do you guys think what's the right age cutoff for like a disney type show i would say eight eight and eight nine ten it really depends on the kids

[44:30]like yeah we always have to remember with our we've got a now 12 year old today leo's birthday happy birthday to the world's biggest firing kittens fan eddie is eight and we have to we have to constantly remember that like eddie when he was like six right like eddie's just six like he wants to watch the little cheesy shows that you know leo doesn't want to watch anymore and so it really it's hard sometimes but i think let's see eddie's eight he'd probably still like it's i don't know eight nine ten yeah ten maybe get a little old and uncle is different too like you're they're gonna be they're gonna be more excited to go like they might they might

[45:03]do something that they wouldn't admit that they like because they're with you but if it was you know if their friends were around or whatever or their parents they'd be like i'm not into that it did come up once aaron you'll appreciate this with my oldest niece she i kind of you know i was bringing on what songs you guys want to hear what like movies do you want to see come out there you know i was really into it and i did get at one point from my niece and she she she had a fun time and everything i'm not ragging she said i'm not really into disney movies anymore she did like

[45:33]that type of thing but she'll still go because she's with uncle russ yes meanwhile russell's dressed exactly like gaston he's like oh roughly the size of a porch we were definitely trolling for that yeah oh yeah you're stomping you might have to keep that and keep them down no more beauty and the beast references so we go to disney on ice we have a good time like there it was an amazing show they they've got like it's almost like aspects of like cirque du soleil where

[46:03]he's is going up into the rafters of the target center from ice skates like it was amazing you know there's a reason that those things sell out i think they did three shows that day they they do a great job it was fantastic so here's what i did with the rest of my day with my niece and nephew they stayed overnight so here's what the rest of the lineup looked like after the afternoon disney show we go to glicks to get a big pretzel uncle russ takes him to a german beer hall to get the biggest pretzel we can find in the minneapolis area how about that do you get a beer

[46:33]no no oh wow oh man wow i couldn't go to glicks and not get a beer that's that's impressive russell you would be my favorite uncle of all time if you were getting if i was getting giant pretzels with my uncle i'd be like i don't care that this idiot took us to disney on ice when i'm 35 years old i love this huge pretzel there is something about being an uncle where i i don't think nieces and nephews they don't really say what they want to do like when you ask them they're like oh whatever whatever everything was whatever and my guess is if they're with their parents they they're

[47:01]they're gonna damn sure tell you whether they want to go somewhere they don't want to do yeah yeah let's know what they don't want to do but everyone had a good time at glicks we got the big pretzel it was great then we went over we went to see the waterfall off the bridge this what's the what's the big bridge in minneapolis matt that goes downtown the stone arch bridge stone arch bridge yeah so we went walked over the bridge to see the waterfall we got to see the waterfall on the river which was cool and i will say at one point the upstairs roommate came and met us for this part of it makes a comment about

[47:32]that that other bridge is lit up because it's a memorial so she's about ready to go into like the 35w bridge collapse yeah she should hang out with my mom it sounds like somebody that would come into a valentine's day party at bench press to me yeah and then she also sorry i just have to give one anecdote that happened the day kg was traded and darren the president the pleasure principal texted me to see if i was okay and i was like no i'm really upset that kg was traded and i didn't i

[48:01]had not at that point heard about it and i was like no i'm really upset that kg was traded and i heard about the collapse well at least he didn't win any championships anything is possible isn't that possible yeah so so we're over there and the upstairs roommate also starts making comments about how like these old buildings on the right like burned out in some fire i'm like oh no upstairs roommate caught herself stopped with before she got too far into the bridge collapse turns out the next day

[48:30]my brother-in-law my niece and nephew's dad was saying my one nephew is like super in he wanted to see the bridge that collapsed like he is at that age where he wanted to see it so it turns out the upstairs roommate was like right in his wheelhouse of like cool knowledge and held it back wow she's like oh and the bridge i can't talk about that anyway russell's penis is so small i shouldn't have said that either the next thing the next thing we did we'll see what you guys think of this after we did we did the pretzel we needed some dessert for the later in the night

[49:02]we went to edward's dessert kitchen north loop dessert spot they've got like all the fancy desserts desserts that look like flowers all the cakes all the different chocolates you could ever want russell you're a great uncle for the same reason that you were a great date guy you know all these cool spots like when i'm with my when i'm with my nephews and nieces i'm just sitting on the couch that's the that's all we do all the time oh so we didn't sit on the couch at the end of the night we ended up watching two movies to end the night oh yeah the first one was recommended

[49:34]by my nephew and when he said it i jumped at it school of rock i've watched rock now twice in a week and it was you can't go killer a killer kids love jack black russell can i say something to you that might get you to come out to new york with your upstairs roommate you come out and stay with us when you see school of rock on broadway the actual kids are actually playing the instrument oh badass russell you gotta come it's a show where the kids it's real kids playing real

[50:02]instruments russell they could screw up at any time i think my niece at one point was commenting on like what one of the kids now does it as an adult like what show she's in i was like okay you are officially like a fully functioning human like where you know what the actress in this movie as an eight-year-old is now doing as as a 25 year old right yeah yeah they they start to they start to have conversations with each other and they start to have conversations with each other and upstairs neighbor about like oh yeah they run they're on fentanyl for a while you're like oh boy

[50:31]this is you two hang out i'm hanging out with the next movie we had one more movie before we went to bed all the night it was a baseball movie they picked they both liked rookie of the year the the movie where the kid breaks his arm he could throw fastballs i don't know these kids seem too good to be true like these kids are just willing to watch awesome movies from 20 years ago that's yeah well i kind of i kind of like hemmed and hawed and vetoed and acted like i didn't have streaming service services for certain other movies though so it's not like those were the first two choices

[51:00]hey guys instead of mr beast have you ever heard of somebody named fred savage and what so at that point were there no more snacks or did you do movie snacks even after all the oh yeah no hey aaron can i just tell you right now there's no way russell had movie snacks no way no no we had had the desserts but we did earlier in the night to order burgers from red cow but i will say this this is the this is where here's the fuck up 60 40 did you get to 60 40 they have two fancy of burgers kids don't like oh red cow right so they've got two fancy burgers

[51:33]and matt you're bringing up the 60 40 and i think that's like a bacon cheeseburger essentially right yep but they put some sort of spread or spicy mustard there's a spicy mustard on it and so that would and so immediately my nieces and nephews are like there's something on this burger my niece is doing like the she's doing the bacon sandwich at this point like picking off the burger can i just tell you russell you're going through all this detail describing to us what it's like when you order something in a restaurant and a kid doesn't like it you are talking to three people

[52:04]who think you're the dumbest person in the world for not knowing that was gonna happen okay that happens every time we go out oh there's green flex on my burger yeah i don't know it's like some weird thing don't it doesn't taste like anything eat it i think you're right rob like the the when we did go to edward's dessert kitchen we got like a whole smorgasbord of different things my niece and nephew i think uh weren't as thrilled with like the fancy desserts they

[52:30]they would have been happy with a host like a twinkie right yeah no they want vanilla ice cream and then when you get a burger you have to say a plain burger and they're like oh with cheese and you have to be like no no and i'm begging that you listen to me right now a plain burger that means no ketchup no mustard do not put anything i'm gonna have to scrape off on it because once it gets on there even if i scrape it off it still counts they will not eat it okay we finished the night finish off the morning the next morning we go to glam doll donuts off of street where they've

[53:02]got like all the fancy donuts they've got we pick up my niece and nephew each pick out the bam bam which has got the fruity pebbles on it so it's like the legit on donuts yeah it's like the legit came back their mom and dad came and picked them up shortly thereafter they're out of here in and out under 24 hours all that in one day that was a win don't you think that's amazing russell two questions first of all i would love to i would love to see you in the future i would love to see you be your nephew okay so if you pick up your nephew next time and there's like a little red riding hood

[53:30]type moment where it looks like maybe this is actually a very large grown man stuffed into on his knees dwarfing it up just take him to get the donuts okay i love burger order me a 60 40 i like do they have what do they have that smoky and whiskey i like a smoky whiskey can i get a mike's hard lemonade yeah is it sour with is that with egg whites wait a minute my nephew doesn't like egg whites they had a chance to kind of look up and down my nephew even knew well enough he's not buying from

[54:05]the the no gluten zone or whatever it's called down on the end so he's like i'm not i'm not getting donuts without gluten or whatever it is down in the last cabinet yeah yeah so how do you put these children to bed do they just go to sleep you just say like it's time to go to sleep that's it we were up quite late but i figured i don't have to deal with the consequences of that so we went to bed and i figure if they weren't happy the next day that's not my problem god you're such a professional at this it's so good bro not my problem what else is not my problem is rob

[54:35]rob rolling going how's it going with you uh now listen okay i had unfortunately i just want to tell you right now i had a performance review at my job where i had to sit there boy and i was given this can't be good for you any criticism of how well we know how this goes for rob and i was mad for three days afterwards i

[55:03]was furious let it out let it i could not believe so first of all this gold okay who thinks he knows what i'm doing at all says number one you gotta let other people solve their own problems under you you can't try to solve everybody's problems oh i'm like what's an example i mean like what are we talking about how did you do that how did you do that how did you do that how did you do that you think i'm asking for examples at this point i've seen right i've seen red because i got blindsided by this whole thing i didn't know this feedback's got to be spot on and rob's too blind

[55:34]to even see oh i i must be trying to solve problems that other people i don't know i i was like well first of all that seems like a compliment like you're doing too much stuff and then this one this is the one i want to talk about yeah tell me uh it's your next job rob tell me about your one of your weaknesses well i just i try to solve too many problems right just you know i'm always trying to solve everybody else's problems yeah sounds exactly right i'm already done with mine so i gotta move on to somebody else i would say my biggest weakness is i'm now 10 minutes

[56:01]late to work every day because i have to give my dog an insulin shot in the morning and sometimes i give one to myself too yeah sometimes if i need if i'm with uncle russ getting the fruity pebble donut you probably just pour that shit in his food right it'll get in that bloodstream somehow it's gonna work right russell it's way too expensive yeah i want to do what we want to get into the car i'm like looking at the cost of needles now i'm trying to find the cheapest place to buy needles i'm gonna be buying my needles at the same place i buy my whipped cream air canisters you know what you've got some you've

[56:31]got some bodybuilder guy like that's following you around and you're buying these needles and they're like oh he's got to be juicing yeah look at all these look at all these needles but no it's for my dog i gotta give insulin to my dog no way i can tell you where would be the most expensive place ever to buy this stuff which is at my vet because when they sold it to me it was incredibly expensive once again this dumb fucking dog i have seen the most expensive place to buy this stuff doctor more for this dog than i have for any of my kids combined okay more doctor appointments for the dog i am the opposite of uncle russ he then says to me i need you to respond to every

[57:05]email i send out even if it's just an email back saying okay thank you got it oh that no i was like are you fucking is is this a is this am i in the movie saw is this a saw type experiment where they want me to do this this is torture rob isn't gonna like this there's a reason he's doing that it's gonna do stuff before and you've chosen not to do it absolutely not what no now what's doing is saying now they're what they're saying is like hey if you're gonna ignore what we're asking i'm gonna

[57:33]make you acknowledge it so it they're doing it for a reason it's because you've ignored prior requests i think that guy is saying i sit here all day and watch my email go by and i know who responds to everything i send out and rob doesn't rob doesn't respond you would rather get emails to the group email saying thank you received okay got it i mean what the fuck i'm not gonna do that russell maybe you should do your job and do what they ask you the first time and they won't have to send all these emails did you not hear the first criticism i'm doing my job too

[58:02]well well somehow i'm both taking care of all the problems and also ignoring everything what was the other criticism that was these aren't criticisms these are these are you think there's more than constructive feedback russell if he had more than two criticisms i would have body slammed his ass immediately three criticisms of me i don't think so that's how you get better even my wife can't think of three criticisms of me she just keeps using the same one over and over is it about the podcast okay uh it's uh oh you're too big

[58:32]that's a criticism now and when i say that by the way i do not mean my penis i mean literally my pelvis is too wide across she's been going to the gym now you guys to get ready to have sex with me you wouldn't believe what machine she uses at the gym what's up the hip adductor is what russell get it in the house i got what i call a secret boudoir shot of her

[59:02]no that's where i go to the gym and i take secret upskirt photos of my wife oh hey you perv oh no i know this excuse no excuse me guys it's my wife okay so they catch me and they're like i'm sick it's so hard not to laugh at this you sick pervert and i'm like no that was my wife they're like what what is going well you're what are you doing seriously what what is the cost to get a hip abductor like could you like just for the funny of the joke of like rob you having people over that machine sitting in the corner

[59:31]you got to be able to find one for like 400 in craigslist i just always have it right there with the with the water bed i always have an empty wipes container next to it sorry out of wipes hey that's what you said about our peloton too it's weird all right let's talk about this album do you guys have to wipe down your bench that you have in your house so sick no i can i tell you this too when i have to unload my weights at the end i'm like why do i have to do this but when you

[60:02]leave your weights on at your home gym they're very suspicious who's been squatting 600 pounds in this apartment uh listen this is taylor swift's uh folklore okay i keep getting confused with evermore which is the album that came she released after this with all the extra tracks she has this is taylor swift's eighth album and i think what we found with artists who get up to the seventh eighth we're gonna see this next week too is that they're just like you know what i'm sick of making an album that's just a bunch of good songs i need

[60:32]a theme i want to reinvent myself i want to you know taylor famously with the eras and so she said okay i'm gonna make kind of a slower ballad not many pop hooks on this whole album and it's basically going to be about this town in the northeast that i'm going to make up and then tell stories about characters of people in that town and she kind of challenged herself to almost write like a electro folk opera which is really what this is uh and this is our first

[61:02]covid album of the podcast this is the first album we code album to me like this is yeah i think it was written and recorded during covid right during covid and it was you know it was one of these things where it's like she recorded remotely with people across the united states yeah and it worked so well because everybody had really nice microphones they didn't just fuck around with whatever microphone they had put on a book or whatever just like i'm kind of sure you can i you don't have to assure me aaron i get it i will i assure you that this is this

[61:33]is the album of the pandemic for me and and i think she didn't expect or didn't even at the time have to think about touring the album right like she said as much on stage during the era's tour like this wasn't made with the thought like oh i gotta go out and tour this thing and have a single and all of that it was just like she could make an album and there's some bangers i mean there's some real bangers on this album but on that tour there's some great ones she had so many songs in fact from this album that two weeks later she releases another album and i can tell you just guys as a dad of a taylor swift fan this new album release that has been coming out has been

[62:08]all the talk at home it is you if you are a taylor swift fan you are looking at her instagram my kid was analyzing instagram posts for five days telling me she's going to release an album she's going to release a new album i bet she's going to and she was putting together all the clues and she knows like if she looks at the titles of these songs what the secret message is it's just like taylor is so good at engaging this age and making like every release a huge deal

[62:34]that's what she and beyonce have the most in common they have such a grasp of how to do this they're total pros at making this whole thing work it's crazy so let's get into oh by the way it's one album of the year she's the first woman to win it three times which is crazy that that's not beyonce again for next week beyonce still never won album of the year what madonna did an album of the year three times i'm gonna let you finish but beyonce never won album of the year yeah because beck won that one

[63:05]didn't he yeah yeah beck did it better aaron you want to make a declarative statement who did it better beyonce winning who did it better than beyonce you want to you want to save that for next week or do it twice in a row i don't know this isn't beyonce's week this is you guys you say this is aaron doesn't want to aaron doesn't want to offend all the becker heads i'm not out there for that you know i don't want to put myself rob did you save that drop did you save that drop that we talked about uh yes i did and that is what's the next album beyonce beyonce see i've

[63:34]already got that drop ready for the end of the show all right let's get into taylor swift and folklore i'm that girl okay so i don't know i don't remember that track all right so let's get into the album one the one what an opener feeling good on some new shit this what an open this is somewhere out there right this is a

[64:00]direct rip off of somewhere out there yep it works for a reason right so not only is she going through the pandemic at this time she's also at the point where somebody has sold all the masters and she's now fighting for those and trying to figure out what to do and so that's partially what this album is about as well can you turn the music down just a little bit yeah i can't hear you over the music and this i don't i didn't know until the grammys that she and lana del rey are friends or at least

[64:33]taylor claims they are and you can hear lana's influence on this track for sure yeah well and i think i think lana del rey american treasure i think being forced to record the way that she did this album too you have to record this kind of album right where it's a little more harsh a little bit more it's real men's right yeah uh next up cardigan this is part of three songs in this album that's about a love triangle russell

[65:01]a love triangle is this one wait there's three albums about three songs on the album you said uh that yeah are about this theme with these these imaginary characters in that right is this betty too then is betty part of that yes okay and then this you know what you know when i think of a love triangle the one thing i think of is how i've ripped my pants this week guys i think i have a problem all right no monday go to work okay coming home thank god sit on the subway blow open my pants my pants

[65:39]blast open in the back just a rip are we talking jeans or what type of dress pants so i come home i tell did you rip your zoobas on the subway how could you rip zoobas they're unreal i'm asking you listen i'm just gonna tell you right now if you're ripping zoobas we gotta figure something out okay things are not going great for you uh to be fair zoobas aren't like they don't stretch they're just like cotton pants

[66:05]right yeah they're pretty i don't know if you if i saw somebody with a ripped pair of zoobas i would steer clear because that person is not doing well now russ if you could get zoobas for any team color right now which would you pick dolphins dolphins yeah orange and blue that's a good man who you picking zooba pants who you picking oh man i used to always say the vikings i had a couple vikings

[66:32]pairs but i'm not yeah i don't know maybe like the you know red white and blue like the giants or something like that maybe red white and blue is good aaron i would have said the iowa state cyclones but they're the same colors as the chiefs which got me into some trouble in the slopes last week so that'll be next week's rolling going so if we're not gonna do the cyclones then i like matt's red white guys hey i'm just gonna get this time machine real quick i'm gonna go to next week's show okay guys i'm back it was worth it that story get ready

[67:05]next week just imagine aaron getting yelled at about the chiefs on a ski slope makes my heart race thinking about the story how good it is next week can we wait to continue recording until after the smoke is disheveled from your office area rob smoke rivets my wife says i'm sorry that you ripped your pants to which i immediately say how could you be sorry you've never ripped a pair of pants in your life you don't know what it's like why is that your response why she doesn't get to say i'm sorry

[67:36]when you're a fat guy and you rip open a pair of pants in the back it's you are it's life you have to think about things like it's humiliating and then you have to like take your pants and throw them in the garbage it's you gotta look at how big they are just yeah i'm sitting there like a deflated balloon so then the next day come home sit on the couch guess what pants blow out the back i was like what is going on guys i am losing weight

[68:06]for this meat i have in two weeks i think my ass is getting bigger next day bend over to feed the dog this time russell my shirt blows out the back three blocks in three days three blows in three days i could not believe it and you know i'm going to is there a worse job to rip your pants at than being a teacher and you think of a worse job guys you were you were at school your teacher has ripped pants in the back do you ever not talk about it for the rest of your

[68:33]life you would bring that up forever that would be the most embarrassing thing ever i don't think people think about their teachers positively or negatively that much rob 30 years from now one of those kids gonna be on their podcast talking about the time their teacher ripped their pants changing lives russell we're changing lives uh i i would say russell i also ride a bike to work which to me is one of the most pants rippable activities you could possibly do this this didn't end up in a rip but my the upstairs roommate for for christmas did give me a very nice gift it's like a a dress shirt with espresso martinis all over it so it's just

[69:03]like an espresso martini shirt and i immediately looked at it i was like oh no oh no it's not gonna fit the rust man you know so like i had to do i had to do the whole like i might have to lose a lot of pounds to ever fit it to the espresso martini that would be the greatest compliment ever you should see the size of clothes people buy me i look like jared holding up some of the

[69:34]pants like people buy me like it's they're so big it's so insulting oh i thought aaron liked this joke but i think he's frozen he's frozen uh all right let's get the next one last great american dynasty this is where he's frozen he's frozen he's frozen he's frozen he's frozen he's frozen or is this where we had to mute all the inappropriate things he said about taylor and beyonce i mean we were talking about blowing out of pants and then he took it we do need him back here because i do need to get aaron's opinion on this i will i'll come back to it ask him but we

[70:03]need to get his opinion on the drum machine he has ripped other artists for drum machine before and this is a pretty heavy drum machine i agree i agree this song was about a woman who was so rich on the east coast that her urn was made by salvador dali at first i didn't really get this is like oh i bought like this super you know expensive house from like a rich family like that's the story but then when you read about it's like really about hey i'm the person and living in the house and everyone's talking about me i'm like the fish in

[70:31]the fishbowl or whatever i could see why people are into taylor swift songs the music's great the stories are interesting i love it great job love it oh we got a text from aaron oh all right so let's just see oh you know what we got a text from aaron why he let's just see what it's why is he not on my computer broke i tried to stick my penis in the usb oh you know what i got another message from him let's see what he says my computer broke i tried to download something on limewire oh aaron you should not be doing that it says limp biscuit full album but it's

[71:05]just a virus aaron okay all right uh exile this is the uh the purple rain for me on this song i mean anything with bony bear i just i i let me firmly in the camp if i don't understand bony bear and i know we've talked about this at

[71:33]least two other times and so man i love you i love your approach this is where you and i diverge on the road to me this is the best song on the album this is so really i added this as my like i could listen to this all day this is so late there's like so i love listening to this song and you know what i'll also say i remember rob talking about bony bear before because he was made fun of by students for calling it bone iver bon iver or whatever i admittedly the first time rob talked

[72:02]about this i thought bony bear was a female singer i just like i don't even know who that is or anything about it i had no clue but i liked that song i enjoyed it i think it's from eau claire he's close to being one of us is this a popular song rob or what's one of the big hits on this album this is that was i think that's the number one song and that's like played religiously on okay cities 97 and all that it's probably of course it's gonna appeal to me the the the mass audience i don't know what the hits are

[72:33]because i hear this album just straight through all the time like it's just hard again it's a good one i've heard that one on the radio but my tears for this album so many times how many how many you know this is a good one rob keep going i can't i can't get yeah i got i got we can hear you yeah yeah yeah yep good video well i got a text from aaron about what's wrong with this computer so let's see my computer broke i forgot to turn on private mode oh aaron don't

[73:04]ever forget that because then you gotta go through your history and delete it well i tried so i've given my ipad to my son so i set up all these we've talked about this i set up all these privacy controls on the ipad so i've been trying to use my work laptop instead of my my ipad and my work laptop froze while i was on zoom so i had to go back to the ipad now but now i can't like i can't get myself on camera because of the privacy settings we're good we're talking okay we're good uh aaron bear before rob

[73:31]keeps going i had a question for you your wife i believe this is her favorite album you've said this oh i think before one of them right yeah for sure um can i just get your thoughts on the excessive drum machine on the last great american dynasty i hate it yeah no it's true i don't like it i don't like it i i yeah this is the one i've heard the most like it but also this was this was like a barometer for how things were going like if i if i walk in the house and like this is on or ledward kawapana is on like i know we're trying to like smooth things out like i know

[74:02]it's been a rough day so it helped like i know it's like yeah all right we gotta we gotta like help help have a better day here uh i think this song yep sucks oh aaron why would you say that about one of your wife's favorite songs that's crazy i would never say something like that i we we were we've been listening to it a lot this week and i did i did say i feel like the drum machine's a bit much but i mean that's what she was doing like she couldn't record with a live band right oh my god my wife and i had a fight today guys on

[74:30]unbelievably bad start to the day my alarm goes off at 6 30 a.m on a saturday morning by accident now you can imagine not happy she wakes up yells at me what the fuck immediately goes back to sleep of course i cannot go back to sleep because i've just been yelled at right she comes out and she is so mad at me that she starts watching the we are the world documentary on netflix which i have told her a number of times i wanted to watch with her so she started it on her own as a spite watch and i was sitting there

[75:07]and so then i was watching it and then by the end we're chatting about it so that was how we made up it was like a whole netflix watching fight my tears ricochet that's healthy right aaron you got any famous exes you're doing anything cool no just giving birth in the outhouse i guess yeah like a lot of these songs don't actually have drums right i that tears ricochet that build on that is so that's so so good like listen to this

[75:34]i didn't have it and the way this is recorded it sounds so good to me it's a beautiful next up mirror ball i mean we almost did a list matt double episode tonight no you want to get through it i didn't send rob any lists tonight i gave him nothing tonight i wanted i wanted i wanted to do a list

[76:01]on the best disco ball songs to honor rob's uh sean for the disco balls but didn't do it tonight didn't do it skipped it it was very nice it was very nice of uh taylor to make this throwback to the neil the neil young album that was backed by pearl jam called mirror ball mirror ball what rob uses at the gym for by the adductor machine oh aaron if the light hits in that crotch perfectly there's

[76:30]i just say this now number one i firmly believe the gym should be a place where you can come lift and not get ogled by guys okay especially creepy 43 year old guys around the gym but i will say this sometimes you're just staring off into space and it happens to be at somebody's butt everybody is filming themselves lifting now so you have to be so careful because if you are looking at somebody there is a 100 chance you are going to get caught on video oh it's it's and then that's getting posted as you're like the creepy gym guy don't need it be careful out there aaron okay

[77:02]now aaron this song seven which by the way is number seven on the album okay so taylor i decoded that okay i do the monday crosswords every week uh this song seven makes me ask what's in the box this might not be the best song on the album here doesn't like strings that's why wow i'm not enjoying this thing she's doing with her voice i think is the deal

[77:33]it's kind of the same as that billy eilish does in the barbie song although that's a really good song august which is the second love triangle song by the way all these songs lowercase rob your daughters are into your at least one of your daughters is in taylor swift where does this rank for your daughter that's a big taylor swift fan is this like a top three album for her or is it nowhere near where does it go unlike uncle russ i have not asked a lot of questions about like oh

[78:03]what do you like or what do you not like a lot of times they're talking to me and i'm wearing noise canceling headphones russell cannot hear what they're saying to me but august i do know russell this is the eighth song august it's the eighth year eighth album there's eight deluxe versions of this album can you imagine the yes man that just give her like that is amazing that you're calling the seventh song seven like it's slick but the people on her

[78:31]team that have to just reinforce how brilliant it is it's got to be great it's the same as people who text our friend group saying that song you did rob was so good like it's just those yes people who just keep pumping you up and i get it as a creative i get it because when i got compliments i was like oh i am good i am good i love what we have to have like the the smaller text chain we have to say oh we'll text the bigger text chain so rob can so someone might give rob some props no we don't do that this is me trying next up illicit affairs

[79:10]what's where it's she talks about how her conception of infidelity has changed it's cool that this is like a bedroom album right just the way they would just like uh like cody chestnut's headphone masterpiece or like what are the other bedroom albums like sly stone uh what's the one we did but it doesn't sound like a bedroom album it sounds bigger than that somehow

[79:32]there's a riot going on right well it's yeah that's the way you know like this song seems pretty stripped down but the last one felt like an orchestra it felt like that's like a wall of sound like uh right the guy who was the that dude with the beatles or whatever uh phil specter phil spec like some of it feels like super overproduced and like almost too much doesn't it but then some of these are really stripped down right this one yeah can i just say if your significant other

[80:00]says that their concept of infidelity has changed that's not good for you okay that's bad they went back and talked to that bartender invisible string green was the color of the grass where she's got a lot of color songs in her repertoire red she loves colors yeah what a voice uh next up mad woman there's nothing like a mad woman well she's talking again about her master stuff and of

[80:36]course there's nothing like that there's nothing like that there's nothing like that there's nothing like that there's nothing like that there's nothing like that there's nothing like that there's nothing like that there's nothing like that there's nothing like that there's nothing like that there's nothing like that there's nothing like that there's nothing like that there's nothing like that there's nothing like that there's nothing like that there's nothing like that there's nothing like that there's nothing like that there's nothing like that plus pre-kidney into football see now she's not gonna have anything to sing about because she's into football which only brings all of us i'm not i don't want to talk about it does she really need a super bowl like couldn't i just have a cycling quarterback and winning the super actually can i answer that aaron no it's never gonna happen what are the chances of a quarterback being so good that they win the super bowl and also going to iowa state why pull the center on

[81:05]third and five on the 12-yard line what are you doing with that goofy pass protection just run plain protection why pull the center and then your guards confused all of a sudden chris jones is running for my team got to play in the super bowl i'm so sad fuck off oh boy what's kittle doing in the backfield on the other third and four in regulation instead of having mccaffrey back there maybe he picks up the ball you have to watch is all your warriors championships get out of here fuck off some sometimes i think aaron

[81:33]sometimes i think aaron is so enlightened and then i hear something like this and i'm like yeah he still takes like the aaron still takes like personal value out of whether other people are good at throwing a football yeah and he thinks it reflects on him i'm past i watched three hours of youtube on brock purdy's performance in the super bowl just like why didn't he why is he clicking his heels why didn't he throw it quicker aaron let's just get to the truth of the matter he's not that good and he's played with a bunch of great weapons we all well yeah but it still

[82:02]would have been awesome for him to win the super bowl we gotta move it along he's gonna get pissed guys i gotta say if there's a candy bar called an epiphany i would eat it that would be a good for that this is the third song in the love triangle betty i think this song absolutely rules i love this song this is a hit around the house russell love this one is this the most taylor swift song

[82:35]it might be to me for sure do your houses listen to taylor swift by album or is it just like on random or how do you guys hear taylor swift in your house she normally normally what happens is anytime there's a woman in my house who wants to listen to music uh she yells at alexa to play a song and then alexa does not play that song and she's like i don't know what to do i don't know how to play that song and then she yells at it again and then they alexa will play a different

[83:02]song and then i will hear about how alexa never plays the right song while she continues to yell at the alexa i would say it's by album in my house and it's mostly this album and then sometimes 1989 peace song about how you know how it's tougher to have privacy russell would you date taylor swift all these people like just talking like privacy paparazzi type stuff i think i can handle it

[83:32]the only thing i wouldn't be able to handle would be like the pic like i don't like pictures of me in general like i could i could go to a professional photographer and they get the best picture ever and i'm still gonna be like god i hate this yeah russell what you couldn't handle is you're not gonna be able to beat fred warner off the line on that mesh route the way travis kelsey does like that's why you can't date taylor swift i'll tell you what it's hard to take aaron seriously when the video on his zoom doesn't work

[84:01]i'm gonna work on that i'm working on it russell my kid took a picture of me jumping into the water in my speedo the other summer and it was so psychically devastating that i bet i think about that picture once a month like that's the part i couldn't handle that would be the worst if it would be like oh here's taylor swift's you know new boyfriend and it's just like like what kind of fungus is that you know what i mean like just the worst possible thing that they could be taking pictures of so i could do it aaron what about you fungus is

[84:36]that yeah no i'm married i'm i'm married why would i be dating taylor swift aaron oh damn i didn't think about that i didn't know there was an option yeah yes that's been the problem this last 11 or 12 months nobody told you let's move it along he's only been dating a year guys

[85:00]greatest hoax ever gotta be balloon boy right i mean all-time hoax you tell the news goddamn my kid's in a goddamn hot air balloon it's floating away what a perfect story who's who is not gonna watch that and see what happens just a great hoax uh all right listen we are talking about taylor swift we are talking about folklore

[85:31]guys it's gotta be good it's jumped all the lit all the way up the list to 170 and it's only been around for two years okay i've got non-ripped pants that are older than this album okay something to think about uh matt what do you think do you think this album is rolling well-toned that would be if it's perfect at ones at 170 okay a great place to album to be a great place for us to go to okay that actually is the logical way to do this list or is this a rolling uh bone it should have been higher up on the list i can't believe it replaced

[86:01]didn't replace something else besides israeli gears or is this a rolling groan okay it should be lower on the list all right who i mean really i couldn't sing along with any of these songs what are we talking about here uh matt what do you think well i'm still trying to figure out if it's bedroom songs or cottage folk or electric folk i think we've tried to take this thing into some sort of category and it just doesn't belong in a category i distinctly remember sarah coming in and telling me that uh taylor swift has a new album and then this is what it

[86:33]is and i was like no way this isn't taylor swift you know kind of a thing and and i loved it it was great i can't say that i like just need to hear this all the time we'll throw it on probably much like the rosies in the background and just have it playing because it's great music things like that so i don't know it's hard for me to say i don't know i don't know i don't know it's hard for me to say it's like the greatest albums of all time but for taylor swift albums i think it's great i like i like 1989 better did you think this a little bit but two things about

[87:00]this album put me kind of in a sad mood okay and you know i hate that but number two i thought it was hard to sing along to did you have any issue i it might have a lot of words it's a lot of words i don't sing along to a lot of songs but yeah i don't know i don't know if this should be at 170 but i all things considered i i think it's probably just fine and it'll end up being here you know 10 years from now things like that so i'm just gonna say it's rolling well toned here let me ask you this better or worse than disraeli gears uh way better there we go i think that's

[87:33]but not better than tom petty's album that's coming up in 214 so uh russell what do you think rolling well toned rolling bone or rolling grown i was thinking about this the other day i'm not a huge taylor swift fan but i appreciate like i'm not a huge taylor swift fan but i appreciate like i'm not a huge taylor swift fan but i appreciate like i'm not a huge taylor swift fan but i appreciate when someone has kind of bigger than the than music like she's bigger than music at this point right like if you think about it you guys will know the answer better than i will but if you were to say like who are the like the four or five biggest musicians of the last 60 70 years

[88:03]she's probably in it is it like the beatles michael jackson elvis and her up there no i would have been john popper but not anymore oh okay goodbye goodbye that was so good really if you get all these jokes that we're making if you got that joke and the sham people

[88:37]joke okay you should really question what you're doing with your life you're a loser all right too much time find somebody to give you you need a hug or something get out of the world russell what do you think i i think you know it's hard to argue to me when you're like you're as big as music it's hard to argue with any of the albums being up on the list i'd really enjoyed it so i'm not going to argue with where it's at on the list if they were going

[89:00]to put and if they're going to pick a we're going to put five six seven more if we're updating the list i suppose this one should probably be one of the ones that goes into it so i'll say rolling well-toned i enjoyed it uh and uh what do i got aaron what do you think rolling well-toned rolling bone or rolling it grown well just like taylor swift didn't need to win a super bowl to continue being a juggernaut she doesn't need me to say that this album is probably rolling bone but i think it probably is i think it should maybe be higher not necessarily because of the quality of the album although i do really like it but because

[89:32]this thing belongs in a museum this is the most 2020 album i think that there is and it's a document of what was going on at the time and so i think it's really important so i'm going to call it rolling bone what about art this podcast being document of the time aaron is it going to be a is it is it folklore in this podcast yeah the basically taylor swift is the folklore of our podcast we're the taylor swift of podcasts yeah you're right let's open up this time capsule somebody put in a usb with uh podcast on it let's listen to it what was life like in the 2024s for

[90:04]about 40 year old guys and it's like well it's a lot of condom talk like they talk about condoms almost half the episodes for somebody who has not interacted with a condom in quite some time that's a lot of condom talk wink how do we all right here aaron don't wink at me when i say that you haven't interacted with a condom i don't want to see that okay and yes i know we all practice when we first buy one aaron

[90:31]of course that's the first thing everybody does kind of interactions okay now you know can i just say this you're the third person i've said that to where i've said when you buy a pack of condoms the first thing you do is you put one on and you jack off into it and nobody has agreed with me ever so i'm starting to think maybe that was just the rob thing to do can you i know we've done the bit of my mom catching me jacking up into a condom and being mortified just immediately twice the first like oh and then the second

[91:00]but it'd be the word i think it'd be bad she's like rob i found this used condom in your bathroom are you trying on condoms and jacking off by yourself oh that's your accountability buddy oh bomb i know we're using condoms and jacking off into them accountability buddies i have to admit something to you okay so if you just call me back uh hope your voicemail's not on during that bridge party you said you're gonna have earlier and everybody's listening to me right now oh god all right unfortunately you guys are incorrect

[91:34]okay this album gets a rolling i can't believe it lock dune what lock dune listen we all had creative outlets during the lockdown okay during covid times okay we all got into our thing we realize that life is too important we have to make something that documents who we are as a person okay and some people did things that sold like 1.3 million albums okay it was the best selling album of the year okay and some people made some something that almost 150 people listen to every

[92:04]week i'm gonna let you guys decide which one of those people is taylor swift okay call the back line please i beg you to next week i'm excited for the next album but it may just be because i confused this with the business i started where you could borrow pastries for a little bit aaron did you did i tell you about my business where you can borrow pastries for a little bit i never heard about the pastry borrowing business yeah it was it's called rent rent croissants next week we've got a renaissance

[92:34]by beyonce that's a terrible joke what did you hear it yeah i was listening i got you if you want to hear from guys who chat and then they get off track i've got the perfect podcast for you jack beck did it better uh-oh aaron's zoom went out again okay but i just got a text message with him uh telling me what

[93:05]happened here sorry my computer broke i gave it a virus herpes i shouldn't go back to that pool i got it from the pool i got it from the pool i told you you were there too

[93:33]yeah maybe you should go get checked baby i got you what if aaron's zoom turned on and he was just sitting on a hip abductor machine john was on earlier and he was in the bathroom and then he left did he just send someone over to his house he was like he was like oh i met my in-laws and then he is sitting in the bathroom with the computer propped up outside the bathroom listening to us on the zoom live imagine what happened why you had to turn it off if somebody married my kid

[94:05]and they were in my bathroom listening to their friend's podcast i would be furious oh my god what's the next album beyonce beyonce