Patti Smith: Horses (1975) (... and Tecmo Bowl!)

[00:00]In 2020, four friends decided to listen to every one of the greatest 500 albums as decided by Rolling Stone magazine.

[00:06]This resulted in a text chain that celebrated the music, excoriated the order, and led us to making this podcast.

[00:11]We are far from experts. We promise to do almost no research.

[00:15]All opinions are our own unless you disagree. Please sit back and enjoy Beck Did It Better.

[00:20]We're all the way up to album number 26. This is 1975's Horses by Patti Smith.

[00:26]So guys, I found a new radio station to listen to, so let's just...

[00:31]That last song went out to our old friend Russell in the upper Midwest. That was 1993's Creep by Radiohead.

[00:38]We thank you for listening to 91.69 Beck Public Radio.

[00:43]Up next, a classic from the Bay Area by Rosie and the Rosenthal's, their rendition of Patti Smith's Gloria.

[00:50]I think Rosie's the singer with the honey.

[00:56]Of his wife grown in

[00:57]Ooh, he's so sick

[00:58]Of his wife grown in

[01:00]Ah, he's so sick

[01:02]Of his wife grown in

[01:04]Oh, Rob's so sick

[01:05]Of his wife grown in

[01:07]That guy from college named Steve

[01:10]Oh, he looks so good

[01:13]Oh, he looks so fine

[01:17]I got this crazy feeling

[01:20]That I'm gonna, ah, make him mine

[01:23]And Rob says, not gonna take it no more?

[01:26]Not gonna take it no more?

[01:28]He pulls out his big VR act

[01:34]He said, oh my God, it's midnight

[01:37]And my baby

[01:38]Through the door

[01:40]She's coming to me

[01:42]Need it on my couch

[01:44]Oh, sit on it good

[01:48]Oh, sit on it fine

[01:52]Oh, for me, she just ate some chili

[01:55]And, ah, ah, maybe some tacos

[01:58]Baby, just do it

[02:00]Tell me you're mine

[02:02]Did you do what I like?

[02:03]Did you do what I like?

[02:05]And the thing is

[02:06]And the thing is

[02:08]And the thing is

[02:10]And the thing is

[02:12]F-A-R-T

[02:17]E-E-E-E-E-F-A-R-T

[02:21]Farting cakes

[02:23]Rob likes it when they fart

[02:25]Farting cakes

[02:25]Farting cakes

[02:25]Farting cakes for you, he loves it when they fart in cakes.

[02:30]F-A-R-T, farting cakes.

[02:33]Rob.

[02:37]Oh my God.

[02:38]Seriously.

[02:39]I knew it was going there and it still got me.

[02:41]F-A-R-T.

[02:44]Seriously?

[02:46]That's what does it, huh?

[02:48]You are one sick man.

[02:52]I pray for your soul.

[02:55]Rob, seriously.

[02:56]You are one, one sick bastard.

[02:59]Oh my God.

[03:00]Women who fart in cakes.

[03:02]That is disgusting.

[03:04]I mean, that's worse than dirty paparazzi at Manila.

[03:08]Oh my gosh.

[03:10]Farting in cakes.

[03:11]F-A-R-T in cakes.

[03:13]Come on, you dirty bastard.

[03:15]F-A-R-T in cakes.

[03:19]Rob, you sick bastard.

[03:22]Rob.

[03:24]I am a huge fan of women.

[03:28]I could always go for a great piece of cake, no question about it.

[03:32]And nothing better than getting a good clean fart to really expand your guts to enjoy more food.

[03:41]But combining all three and actually getting arousal out of women farting in cakes.

[03:50]Really?

[03:51]That is the most disgusting thing.

[03:54]That is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard.

[03:55]And from this day forward, I will be looking at you in a whole new light, my friend.

[04:01]Rob, you're just a disgusting idiot.

[04:06]Just sick.

[04:08]He farts in cakes.

[04:12]Rob likes it when they fart in cakes.

[04:15]Oh yeah, he loves it when they fart in cakes.

[04:19]F-A-R-T.

[04:20]Farts in cakes.

[04:22]Farts.

[04:24]Rob, I'm so embarrassed.

[04:54]I can't tell the difference between him.

[04:57]Rob spark cakes or he can't tell his wife and sister's voice.

[05:00]It's a shame that's all going to be edited out.

[05:03]That's the worst part of that whole thing.

[05:05]That was fantastic.

[05:06]That was unbelievable.

[05:07]So that was made by Matt, obviously.

[05:10]So that's great that Matt's taking over that duty every week.

[05:12]I think that's great, man.

[05:13]I hope that wasn't too much work.

[05:14]Sounds great.

[05:15]The vocals are rosy.

[05:16]Was that Matt singing on that or Aaron, did you drop, did you drop, get back into your vocal performance world?

[05:20]That was a collab, wasn't it?

[05:21]Yeah, Matt did all the writing.

[05:24]Did, did all the, all the hard work.

[05:26]And I just dropped in and tried to do some singing, which, yeah, I was out here in my garage last night trying to do the recording.

[05:34]The roof was leaking in my garage.

[05:36]So I had that going on, but yeah, I was doing my best.

[05:38]But yeah, all, all kudos to Matt on that one.

[05:41]Did you, did you try singing it once in indoors and then the wife sent you back to the garage?

[05:46]Oh, that idea is so funny to me.

[05:48]No, I mean, she listens to the pod, so I can't spoil the surprise for her.

[05:51]She's going to really enjoy it when she hears this.

[05:54]She's going to enjoy her husband singing farts and cakes, f-a-i-t, farts and cakes.

[06:01]She thought Aaron was out in the garage fixing the leak in the garage for four hours.

[06:05]The other day, it turns out he was singing a song about Rob enjoying fart cakes.

[06:08]Yeah, Matt gets all the writing credit, production credit, all that.

[06:13]Like I just, I just dropped in.

[06:14]It's not that Aaron's trying to blame people.

[06:15]No, not at all.

[06:17]No, I'm, I was a willing participant.

[06:18]I'm just not as creative as Matt.

[06:20]I'm going to say this.

[06:21]The fucked up thing about that is that's the same song Aaron sang at my wedding.

[06:24]So I think that was part of the problem.

[06:26]That's why Jenny didn't like it that much.

[06:27]Listen, everybody.

[06:29]Your sister was embarrassed about you then, too.

[06:31]Oh, yeah.

[06:32]Nothing's changed.

[06:33]I can't imagine.

[06:34]It's, it's hard.

[06:35]You can imagine being my sister.

[06:37]It's not easy, you know, having to live up to this.

[06:39]So welcome, everybody, to the therapeutic Davenport of love.

[06:43]Listen, I've got four guys here who think that the land of 10,000 dances is just them grinding with different women.

[06:49]We've got Russ in Minnesota.

[06:51]Russ, how are you doing?

[06:51]I was going to use a different quote, but I'm going to switch it up.

[06:53]I'm going to switch it up.

[06:54]I'm going to switch it up.

[06:54]I'm going to switch it up.

[06:54]I'm going to switch it up because of the intro song.

[06:55]Rob, I remember when this podcast was born, it was the dawn and the storm settled in your belly, and you rolled in the grass, and you spit out the gas, and you lit the match, and our listeners went flash.

[07:07]You just came up with that just now.

[07:10]I love it.

[07:11]Aaron in California.

[07:12]Aaron, how are you doing?

[07:13]I think the only thing left to do is jump over the moon, so I'm excited.

[07:16]Let's have a podcast.

[07:17]And I got Matt in Minneapolis.

[07:19]Matt, how are you doing?

[07:20]Excellent, Rob.

[07:21]Thanks for having me, as always.

[07:24]Matt, with that earlier contribution, you could literally sit out the next four to five weeks.

[07:28]The whole thing, right?

[07:28]You will have hit your metrics.

[07:30]Thanks.

[07:31]Thanks.

[07:31]You can sit out the last 25 episodes.

[07:34]You'll be fine.

[07:35]All right.

[07:37]So the first thing we're going to do is this is a strange, this is kind of a reversal now.

[07:42]We're going to do, and I wrote it down here so I don't keep track.

[07:45]We're doing a new segment that's called Not Making Fun of Aaron.

[07:49]Oh, how wonderful.

[07:51]You know what time it is.

[07:54]It's time to make fun of Aaron.

[07:57]Oh, yeah.

[07:59]Don't worry.

[08:00]He likes it.

[08:01]I don't own a microwave.

[08:06]All right.

[08:07]So I have to talk about Not Making Fun of Aaron.

[08:09]This is not going to be us rehashing last week's episode.

[08:13]We were talking earlier before we started recording how none of us can remember anything

[08:16]from the episode before, but I was editing it and I was shocked to rehear that Aaron

[08:22]had never heard Miley Cyrus.

[08:23]His wrecking ball.

[08:24]That still blows my mind.

[08:27]He had never heard of it.

[08:28]He, it was the biggest song, like in the 2010s, just totally missed him for some reason.

[08:32]No big deal, but that's not what we're doing.

[08:34]We're not making fun of him for totally having that gap of knowledge.

[08:36]We are not making fun of Aaron.

[08:38]So instead, what I want to do is I want to play a little clip of a joke that Aaron had.

[08:42]That was very, very funny.

[08:44]I thought Aaron didn't do jokes on this podcast.

[08:45]He made the funniest joke and you got to hear our response.

[08:49]I edited just to let you know, I edited nothing out of this.

[08:52]I edited.

[08:53]I think I edited.

[08:53]Maybe me talking over him.

[08:55]I don't think I edited it out though for this.

[08:57]So there's nothing edited.

[08:58]Listen to this response to Aaron's joke.

[08:59]I think I would just like to return to the concept of the therapeutic Davenport of love

[09:04]that that's that if we ever create a band, that's it.

[09:08]Or hey, Russell, that's what I'm going to start calling my penis.

[09:10]Russell, can I get a couple of shirts?

[09:12]So let me, let me play that again.

[09:15]Let me just isolate what he said about the Davenport of love.

[09:19]That's what I'm going to start calling my penis.

[09:20]That's what I'm going to start calling my penis.

[09:23]And then I just totally talked over him and then we totally went on and ignored that joke whatsoever.

[09:29]So our goal for this podcast is that we're actually going to listen to each other and not.

[09:32]And if you hear what I said, I was like, I was like, make a shirt for me that says Davenport of love.

[09:37]I was like, just, I just steamrolled a wonderful, wonderful joke about Aaron with his penis.

[09:41]So Aaron, I have to say, I'm really sorry.

[09:45]I appreciate that, Rob.

[09:46]I appreciate.

[09:47]No, shut up for a second.

[09:49]Where did I put that?

[09:50]Fuck it up.

[09:51]There it is.

[09:51]And now an apology.

[09:52]Too many.

[09:52]I was going to say maybe this.

[09:53]This sounds like I got knocked out just like McGregor knocked out the other night.

[09:58]I was going to ask if we need to switch.

[10:01]Apology sponsors.

[10:05]Losers on our even out apologies.

[10:07]All right.

[10:09]So I appreciate that.

[10:10]Thank you.

[10:10]Thank you, Aaron.

[10:11]That was that was hard for me to do.

[10:13]That's what I'm going to start calling my penis.

[10:14]Oh, Aaron, come on.

[10:15]I did get that tongue clip out of it, though.

[10:17]So you'll be hearing that.

[10:18]My favorite thing about this is we haven't even edited that episode yet, Rob.

[10:22]But knowing us, we're going to.

[10:23]We're going to leave you talking again over talking over it in any ways.

[10:26]Right.

[10:26]Yeah.

[10:27]I thought my shirt joke was actually very good.

[10:28]Yeah, absolutely.

[10:29]We got to keep you got to keep that in.

[10:31]Yeah, I had to.

[10:32]All right.

[10:33]So that was that segment.

[10:34]That was hard for me to do.

[10:35]And you'll never hear it again.

[10:36]Let's go right to the email.

[10:37]We got an email to did it better at Gmail dot com.

[10:41]Here we go.

[10:41]We have an email.

[10:42]Hey, guys, I'm listening to my favorite album on the list.

[10:46]Siamese Dream by the Smashing Pumpkins and realized you'll be talking about it in approximately

[10:50]six years.

[10:51]Oh, no.

[10:52]We'll be looking forward to it.

[10:53]We'll be looking forward to that.

[10:53]It's such a great album.

[10:55]Totally rolling boned.

[10:57]I can't even imagine how many stings you'll have in the rotation by then.

[11:01]I love that idea is very that idea is very funny to me, though, that my board that I'm

[11:06]looking at now, I'm just going to check.

[11:08]I got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven vertically and then like 10 the other way.

[11:13]So I have a space for like 70 different stings.

[11:15]And I think right now I have about 20.

[11:17]So it is definitely going to fill up by that time.

[11:19]You've got way more than that.

[11:20]You've got about 38.

[11:22]You can have a periodic.

[11:23]Table of stings.

[11:24]That's what I'm going to start calling my penis.

[11:26]Oh, come on.

[11:27]No matter what he said, I was going to say that.

[11:32]So I'm glad you didn't say something too offensive.

[11:33]I love the podcast so much.

[11:35]Makes me laugh until I cry and I look forward to it every week.

[11:39]Thanks so much for doing it, Aaron.

[11:41]OK, so she did say thanks so much for doing it there.

[11:45]That was not me, by the way.

[11:46]Let's ignore that.

[11:46]So she said doing it.

[11:49]Yeah, there's nothing actually about that email that it makes us want to talk about.

[11:53]But I thought it was a nice compliment.

[11:54]What do you think the reference to Siamese Dream?

[11:55]So I remember being in high school and to me, the Smashing Pumpkins album that was the big one was

[12:00]The Infinite Sadness or whatever that was, the double album.

[12:03]I thought that was the real crusher, wasn't it, Matt?

[12:06]I know Smashing Pumpkins is kind of in your wheelhouse.

[12:08]Yeah, well, Siamese Dream was one of my top four in the first.

[12:12]Remember our first podcast?

[12:14]Episode zero, I remember.

[12:15]Nobody listened to that.

[12:16]Please tell everybody.

[12:17]No, Matt, actually, the lady who was talking to me on a dating app that decided not to go out with me.

[12:22]She was.

[12:23]She listened to that one.

[12:23]She listened to that one.

[12:25]Yeah.

[12:25]Let's have a little, a quick PSA.

[12:28]Rob does a ton for this podcast every week.

[12:33]It's true.

[12:33]And he puts out a ton.

[12:34]He is the, what do you call yourself?

[12:35]The lead host?

[12:36]The main host?

[12:37]The main host, yeah.

[12:37]The main host.

[12:38]Better familiar.

[12:39]So, you know, we don't do this for money.

[12:42]But Rob, you know, it would be great for Rob and the rest of us who cares for his ego because it's so big.

[12:49]You know, we got if we got a few more downloads.

[12:51]So if you don't mind telling your friends.

[12:53]Or putting some sort of, can they put like a review or something in the podcast app, whatever they use?

[12:59]Yeah, sure.

[12:59]Or star it up or thumbs up, something like that.

[13:01]If you would do that for Rob, I'd appreciate it.

[13:03]It would help me feel better about, you know, not just showing up five minutes before this thing starts and then never listening to any episodes ever again.

[13:11]I mean, it does.

[13:14]I think we're getting close to 100 downloads an episode, which is kind of crazy if you think about it.

[13:21]Oh, it's insane.

[13:22]Who would want to listen?

[13:22]I mean.

[13:23]I mean, we just we had a seven minute song about cake farts to start the show.

[13:26]So I don't.

[13:26]So pass it on to your friends if you wouldn't mind.

[13:29]But tell them to start at like Prince or something.

[13:31]Don't tell them.

[13:32]Don't tell them to start at zero.

[13:33]They can go back and listen to that stuff later.

[13:35]So.

[13:35]But Siamese Dream.

[13:36]I think it was the first really, really, really like deep, dark guitar album that kind of came out.

[13:43]Like if you've got Pearl Jam, if you've got Nirvana, some of them, you know, they weren't like deep, dark.

[13:51]But that's Siamese Dream album.

[13:53]It's just deep and dark.

[13:54]The Cranberries kind of had some of that.

[13:56]And I think it's just a complete shift from it.

[13:58]And so I love it.

[13:59]I always if I'm listening to it, I always get depressed.

[14:02]I always feel really bad about myself listening to it.

[14:04]So I got to listen to some Miley Cyrus or something.

[14:06]But I feel the same way when I edit this podcast.

[14:09]I always just thought that the double album, it gave me credibility in high school.

[14:14]I remember having Bush 16 stone and having and having the double album with with Smashing Pumpkins.

[14:20]And I always I didn't know anything about music.

[14:23]But I always felt that it gave me credibility that I had those two CDs.

[14:26]Yeah.

[14:27]No, that that's true.

[14:28]It's the more popular one.

[14:29]But one of Tupac's albums was a double, right?

[14:31]Was it All Eyes on Me or the other one?

[14:33]Me Against the World?

[14:33]All Eyes on Me probably was.

[14:34]I totally get that because I'd show up.

[14:36]I'd show up and pick up a date and I'd be playing like they might be giants.

[14:39]And they'd be like, what the fuck is this?

[14:41]And I'd be like, oh, nothing.

[14:44]It's kid shit.

[14:44]No, the thing is, like, I've listened to my whole life.

[14:46]It used to be called Constantinople and now it's called Istanbul.

[14:49]That's the thing.

[14:49]You get it, right?

[14:50]Speaking of they might be giants.

[14:53]I owe Rob an apology.

[14:54]Oh.

[14:55]For many podcasts now, I've assumed that they might be giants was the same thing as Talking Heads.

[15:01]And so whenever we mention Talking Heads, I talk about that being Rob's favorite band

[15:06]because I don't know the difference between they might be giants and Talking Heads.

[15:10]So Rob, I'm going to issue an apology.

[15:12]And now an apology from Beck did it better.

[15:13]I'd like to take this chance to apologize to absolutely nobody.

[15:17]Beck does a better podcast.

[15:20]What the fuck he was?

[15:23]Oh, how do you like that, Roadhouse?

[15:24]That's what I'm going to start calling my penis.

[15:27]All right.

[15:28]Roadhouse.

[15:29]There we go.

[15:31]There's no word that could possibly be that doesn't make me laugh for that song clip.

[15:36]All right.

[15:37]So now I think the podcast is almost over, but let's get into rolling going and fuck.

[15:45]I got to go back and forth.

[15:46]Okay, here we go.

[15:46]It is time to see what everybody's up to.

[15:53]It's time for rolling going.

[15:56]Oh, yeah.

[15:58]If you guys don't mind, if you guys don't mind, I'm actually going to take the time to start this rolling going

[16:06]because I have to issue a very rare triple apology because I made some mistakes.

[16:11]I made some mistakes last week and I would almost never admit that I actually did this.

[16:15]But last week we talked for some reason.

[16:17]We got on to Alicia Silverstone and the Aerosmith videos.

[16:21]And I did an excellent job.

[16:23]I did an excellent recap of all the videos.

[16:24]None of us have ever been on to Alicia Silverstone as far as I'm aware.

[16:27]Wait, what?

[16:28]What'd you say?

[16:29]I said none of us have ever actually been on to Alicia Silverstone as far as I'm aware.

[16:34]She swiped right on me a few weeks ago and I passed.

[16:37]I passed.

[16:38]It's the penis thing.

[16:41]I'm not a player.

[16:41]I just flush a lot.

[16:42]I'm sorry, Rob.

[16:43]I interrupted your rolling going.

[16:44]You had such a rolling going rolling.

[16:45]So here's the deal.

[16:45]Guess what?

[16:46]Apology is not accepted.

[16:47]Go fuck yourself.

[16:48]Here's the thing.

[16:48]Remember goal one like 10 minutes ago?

[16:51]I know.

[16:52]I already fucked up.

[16:52]Let's listen.

[16:53]I'm listening.

[16:54]I'm here for you, Rob.

[16:55]We're just going to have big pauses between everybody's sentences to make sure everybody

[16:59]says all the dumb shit that they want to say.

[17:00]Listen, here's the deal.

[17:02]I did a rundown of the various Aerosmith videos.

[17:05]I think we were talking about crying and I summarized it and I realize now that I got

[17:11]it totally wrong.

[17:12]So I went on a YouTube rabbit hole and I watched a bunch of Aerosmith videos with Alicia Silverstone.

[17:17]So I am now going to give you the real summary of those videos.

[17:20]Okay.

[17:21]Let's start with.

[17:22]I basically I confuse the videos of crazy and crying.

[17:25]So let's start with crazy.

[17:28]Here we go.

[17:31]So the video crazy.

[17:33]This is the one where Liv and Alicia Silverstone sneak out of an all girls school.

[17:38]So is this the second one?

[17:40]Which one was first?

[17:41]I don't know.

[17:42]This is the one.

[17:43]I mean, come on.

[17:44]You can't even get the first one.

[17:46]I got to finish it before the sound clip ends.

[17:48]Here's the thing is that they sneak out of this girl's school as they come out of the

[17:51]bathroom window.

[17:52]It shows their underwear.

[17:52]They hop into the car and it's like this whole lesbian undertone between Liv Tyler and

[17:58]Alicia Silverstone.

[17:59]They then go directly.

[18:01]I mean, you might remember this to a gas station where the guy working there is a horny gas

[18:06]station attendant.

[18:07]And then the guy inside thinks they're so attracted that he encourages them to shoplift

[18:11]everything.

[18:12]And then as a gift back, do you guys remember what they gave as a gift back for being allowed

[18:16]to shoplift everything?

[18:17]No picture, right?

[18:18]There was.

[18:19]Yes, man.

[18:19]There was a photo booth somehow in this gas station.

[18:22]They went in.

[18:22]They went in and took topless photos, gave it to the guy.

[18:25]Then they keep driving.

[18:26]And guess what?

[18:27]The strip club in town has.

[18:28]Oh, no.

[18:28]And it's an amateur stripping contest.

[18:31]So they enter the amateur stripping contest.

[18:33]Alicia Silverstone dresses a guy.

[18:35]They then.

[18:36]And how long is this video?

[18:37]It's like 10 minutes long.

[18:38]They then drive by a farmer who jumps out of his moving tractor, gets in.

[18:42]They go swimming in the lake.

[18:43]They then steal his clothes, get back in the car, drive away.

[18:46]The naked farmer hops into the car with him.

[18:48]Meanwhile, his tractor has been driving around.

[18:49]And guess what?

[18:50]It spells in the cornfield.

[18:52]Aerosmith.

[18:53]Crazy.

[18:53]Yes, Aerosmith.

[18:55]No.

[18:55]Crying.

[18:56]So that's crazy.

[18:57]It was crying at the end of that.

[18:58]Now, don't confuse that with the video.

[19:01]Don't confuse that.

[19:03]Now, this is a very, very, very, very, very different video.

[19:05]This is crying.

[19:06]Okay.

[19:07]So in crying, I don't care if you guys like this or not.

[19:11]Crying is the one where it starts on the bridge.

[19:13]She's on a bridge looking at you.

[19:14]She's going to budge you up eventually.

[19:16]She's thinking back to her boyfriend in bed with him.

[19:19]And guess what they have?

[19:21]Tattoos on her pelvis and on the fingers.

[19:22]That's what I was thinking of.

[19:23]And they touch the tattoos together.

[19:25]Then she catches him making out with Liv at the movie theater.

[19:30]And they get in a big fight.

[19:31]So Liv Tyler's in both of them, too?

[19:33]Yes.

[19:34]Oh.

[19:34]And so they get in a big fight with him.

[19:37]And it's a lot of her, like, taking his car and, like, driving up to a cliff and then hitchhiking.

[19:42]But that video was not that good.

[19:44]But then I remember that they were also in Amazing together.

[19:49]The Alicia Silverstone video for Amazing.

[19:52]It's amazing.

[19:52]It's unbelievable.

[19:53]Do you guys remember this one?

[19:55]I would call it.

[19:55]It was pretty amazing.

[19:56]They're all starting to run together to me.

[19:57]This is the third video, right?

[20:00]Well, if you watched them three times today like I did, you would remember these.

[20:03]Only three.

[20:04]This is the third video.

[20:05]Bob fell on the sword.

[20:06]This is the one I could really relate to because the guy is watching the other two Aerosmith videos

[20:12]and then inserts himself into the videos with his computer.

[20:15]And guess what he's wearing the whole time?

[20:17]Is he wearing VR goggles?

[20:18]He is wearing VR goggles.

[20:20]And he's doing things like driving.

[20:22]He's driving a motorcycle.

[20:23]So, he shows up in the video, tries to pick her up when she's hitchhiking from the crying video.

[20:32]She doesn't like him.

[20:33]So, guess what he does to her?

[20:34]He changes her attitude slider.

[20:37]What?

[20:38]Oh, right.

[20:39]Doesn't like him to like horny.

[20:40]So, then she gets on the motorcycle with him.

[20:43]They're driving the motorcycle.

[20:44]They have sex on the motorcycle.

[20:46]Now, meanwhile, in each one of these videos, every 10 seconds, they're switching over to Stephen Tyler

[20:51]who looks just like my grandma.

[20:53]And so, it's like from this very sexy thing to this very old man singing over and over.

[20:57]It's hard.

[20:57]My favorite thing that you've ever taken from your grandma, Rob, is that you wear like the big neck thing.

[21:03]What is that?

[21:03]A scarf?

[21:04]For every podcast, our listeners don't know if Rob wears a scarf that his grandma passed out.

[21:08]I have a mic.

[21:09]It's hooked around my microphone and I swing it around sometimes to really get the crowd fired up.

[21:13]You got to make sure it doesn't get in the way of those candles on those cakes, though.

[21:18]The motorcycle.

[21:19]The motorcycle.

[21:21]The motorcycle scarves will go up in flames so fast.

[21:22]A lot of polyester in those windows.

[21:26]No, but it's burning towards you.

[21:29]You're like, oh my God, this is a terrible idea.

[21:30]You're trying to get the scarf off.

[21:32]It's burning towards you.

[21:32]Stephen Tyler, why have you done this to me?

[21:35]You brought Bernie into the conversation.

[21:37]Here's the deal.

[21:37]Here's the deal.

[21:40]The motorcycle breaks down after they're done having sex.

[21:43]So, they hitchhike.

[21:44]Guess what picks them up?

[21:45]This is so 90s.

[21:47]It's a fucking biplane.

[21:49]It picks them up.

[21:50]They get on the plane.

[21:51]Go up in flames.

[21:52]It's a biplane 90s.

[21:53]I don't think I've ever seen this amazing video.

[21:56]The other two are iconic.

[21:57]I don't think.

[21:58]I've never seen the other one.

[21:59]No, he's in BR goggles this whole time, so I could relate.

[22:02]Then, off the biplane, they skydive with snowboards on their feet.

[22:07]So, they're spinning around the snowboards.

[22:10]It was so 90s.

[22:10]And then, at the end, he prints off a picture of her and puts it up next to, like, a Cindy Crawford picture and all these other women.

[22:17]And then, he turns and looks at the screen and guess what he's in.

[22:22]It's a Silverstone's computer.

[22:24]It's a fucking Twilight Zone Black Mirror shit going on.

[22:26]It was actually her making him, BR, have sex with her.

[22:30]Come back next week for Rob's music video reviews.

[22:33]I only do three music videos at a time.

[22:34]I think of the three, Cryin' is the epic one.

[22:37]The epic one is the one where she gets the tattoo and where she does the bungee jump and she flicks off the camera.

[22:43]I'll tell you what.

[22:44]You would think so, but it's not.

[22:45]You watch that again, and for some reason, Steven Tyler's wearing a Kabuki mask for a lot of that video.

[22:49]Why?

[22:49]What?

[22:50]Who knows?

[22:50]Can't be good.

[22:51]Can't be a good reason.

[22:52]That's why he's doing it.

[22:53]It's very strange.

[22:54]So, Crazy and Amazing were both 1993 on Get a Grip, and Cryin' was 1998 on A Little South of Sanity.

[23:03]What?

[23:03]Cryin' came five years later.

[23:05]Yeah.

[23:06]A Little South of Sanity is the one I remember having for sure, but yeah.

[23:10]How is that possible?

[23:11]Because the Amazing video references the Cryin' video.

[23:14]I think Matt might be wrong.

[23:16]He might owe an apology.

[23:17]You know, Google?

[23:19]Maybe Google's wrong.

[23:20]I don't know.

[23:21]Listen, I've also lost.

[23:22]My mind to the point.

[23:23]Guess who the top commenter was on every one of these videos with the most likes?

[23:27]It was fucking Alicia Silverstone from four months ago.

[23:31]She commented on all the videos saying, hey, guys, I had a great time making this video.

[23:34]It was amazing.

[23:35]Check out my new show.

[23:37]Our search engine optimization is really going to kick in, and she's going to start listening to this pod and have all these comments.

[23:43]It's going to be fantastic.

[23:44]My only comment will be a picture of her flicking off Rob after his summation of her entire career in four minutes.

[23:51]Oh, if she was.

[23:52]If you put me in VR goggles on her computer, I'd be the happiest guy in the whole world.

[23:56]So you guys can't possibly have rolling guns that are as good or as obviously insane as somebody who's been teaching from home for the last week.

[24:02]As you can tell, I have not left the home in a while.

[24:04]So what's going on?

[24:05]Rolling going.

[24:05]What's going on with you, Russell?

[24:06]Rolling going.

[24:08]I was actually listening to a different podcast a few days ago.

[24:10]Bill Simmons.

[24:11]He's kind of like the one of the godfathers of podcasts.

[24:14]Right.

[24:14]But he had this guy on and they were talking about how baseball cards or basketball cards are really making this comeback right now.

[24:20]And that cards.

[24:22]It's almost like the stock market where a guy will have an amazing game or a few weeks and the value of their rookie cards or the value of certain cards will go from nothing to hundreds of dollars, thousands of dollars, tens of thousands of dollars.

[24:35]And it was so interesting to maybe start thinking, what was your baseball card or basketball card or football card style when you were kids?

[24:42]What were you guys into when it came to cards when you were a kid?

[24:45]The only card I had is that every in 87, I got the whole team pack of the twins.

[24:51]Mm-hmm.

[24:52]In 91, I got the whole team pack of the twins.

[24:54]The two years they won the World Series.

[24:55]Mm-hmm.

[24:56]And then what I did is that every team that they would play that I didn't like, I drew on all the cards.

[25:00]Oh!

[25:01]So I realize now that I probably had a dozen Dennis Eckersley baseball cards and I just drew all over them.

[25:07]And I don't know what I drew because I think I drew like mustaches.

[25:09]I think I just drew a bigger mustache on Dennis Eckersley.

[25:12]I'm so fucking stupid.

[25:13]He's like, Raleigh Fingers, that mustache is pretty good.

[25:16]I'm just going to extend that a little bit.

[25:18]A little bit here.

[25:19]It's so stupid.

[25:20]It's like a classic Rob thinking of like,

[25:22]this will show Dennis Eckersley how much I don't like him.

[25:24]Why?

[25:24]Who cares?

[25:25]Like, Rob, you're so stupid.

[25:26]I think my thing was like go up to, yeah, I would go up to the store in Ankeny, Iowa called Who's On First with like, you know, $5 in my pocket.

[25:35]What a great name.

[25:38]Right?

[25:38]And I'd spend like three bucks on a Frank Thomas rookie card and then be like, ah, I got this rookie card.

[25:43]I'm so stoked.

[25:44]And then I don't know what happened to those.

[25:46]I think I'd buy cards one or two at a time.

[25:48]Just something that was like, ooh, it's like how I buy records now.

[25:51]Like, eh, should I spend?

[25:52]$20?

[25:52]I'm not sure.

[25:53]Maybe I'll spend $18 instead.

[25:54]And then you forget that you had it, you know?

[25:56]All three of those were in 1993.

[25:59]So Google let me down.

[26:00]So I apologize.

[26:01]I want to hear about Matt Hammer and Topps.

[26:03]Matt, what was your card style?

[26:05]Oh, I thought we were doing an apology.

[26:07]Preemptive.

[26:13]As a baseball, we would hammer buying the Topps baseball card.

[26:17]So we'd buy the pack after pack after pack.

[26:19]West Ridgefield Little League.

[26:20]Kinsmore Drug.

[26:22]Up in Richfield.

[26:23]And so, I mean, I had boxes upon boxes.

[26:26]1987 to about 1993.

[26:28]I mean, I had more cards than you could possibly know what to do with.

[26:32]And doubles and triples when we'd trade them.

[26:34]I think I had a Griffey rookie in Topps.

[26:37]I had a Frank Thomas rookie.

[26:39]I remember getting a Kirby Puckett rookie, which is probably my favorite card.

[26:42]But you were a Topps-only guy.

[26:43]You never did upper deck.

[26:44]You never got, like, the famous Griffey upper deck rookie.

[26:45]Well, I mean, we kind of would.

[26:46]But it was kind of that whole thing about completing a set or trying to complete a set without buying the set.

[26:51]I mean, you know, you could always just go out.

[26:52]Buy the set for $30.

[26:53]But what fun was that?

[26:55]It was much more fun to, you know, open the packs and everything.

[26:57]The meanest thing about the Kirby Puckett, did you see I had one of those holographic cards?

[27:01]But when you close one eye or the other, the images didn't move at all.

[27:05]It was just...

[27:05]Oh, God.

[27:06]I mean, that's honestly the most tasteful Kirby Puckett joke.

[27:11]Yeah, there we go.

[27:12]Okay, sorry, Matt.

[27:14]Had to hop in there to ruin everybody's childhood heroes.

[27:16]Yeah, no.

[27:18]So, I mean, I don't know.

[27:19]I had a bunch of cards.

[27:19]And then, you know, I had them forever.

[27:21]Went off to college.

[27:22]I just sat in my parents' basement.

[27:23]And then, you know, like, about every year, they'd say,

[27:25]Hey, you got to get this crap out of our basement.

[27:28]And finally, it was gamed by younger brother.

[27:29]So, they're now in his basement somewhere.

[27:31]Somehow, I had a Gretzky Opeche Premier Rookie card, 1979,

[27:37]which apparently has worked like a grand now.

[27:39]And so, I can't find it anywhere.

[27:41]So, if somebody found my card, if they'd give it back to me, I'd appreciate it.

[27:44]Yeah, and ignore what he said earlier about the grand stuff.

[27:46]My peak of hitting the sports cards was I had 1990 score football set,

[27:51]which had...

[27:52]Barry Sanders Rookie, Derek Thomas Rookie, Troy Aikman Rookie,

[27:55]and prime time, Deion Sanders Rookie, all in the same set.

[27:59]And that was pretty badass.

[28:00]And I remember those got up to a theoretical price,

[28:05]according to what I really wanted to ask you guys about,

[28:07]is the biggest racket in the history of the world,

[28:10]that motherfucking Beckett Price Guide.

[28:13]Because you would open that book, and you would page through it,

[28:16]and be like, oh, this card I have is worth 75 cents,

[28:19]or it's worth 12 bucks.

[28:19]But it's rising.

[28:20]It's high.

[28:20]You get a little triangle next to it.

[28:22]You're like, hey, will you give me 10 bucks for this?

[28:25]And they're like, we'll give you 8 cents.

[28:27]They would never pay that price.

[28:29]There's a bigger racket, Russell, is that the...

[28:32]I think it's the Donruss Griffey Rookie card, right?

[28:36]Essentially launched Donruss, okay?

[28:39]And from there on out, you know,

[28:41]and supposedly, you know, if there's maybe 10,000 cards out there,

[28:44]10,000 rookies.

[28:45]Well, they knew that this rookie card was, like,

[28:48]essentially making their whole world.

[28:50]Everybody's buying all these packs.

[28:51]Yeah.

[28:51]Yeah.

[28:52]Well, they just kept printing them,

[28:53]and printing them, and printing them.

[28:54]So everybody thought that they've got this

[28:56]really valuable rookie card,

[28:58]when in theory, there's, like, 50 million of them out there now.

[29:01]And so, you know, they're worth, like, 5 cents,

[29:03]because they're so popular.

[29:04]But that's the biggest racket,

[29:05]is that this company went out and just started

[29:07]taking the market like that.

[29:09]By the way, what is it with parents and wanting to

[29:11]clear out their basement?

[29:11]It's like, you're not fucking doing anything down there.

[29:14]Just store my shit down there.

[29:15]Leave me alone.

[29:16]Stop talking about clearing out your basement.

[29:18]I mean, how much room did those baseball cards take up?

[29:20]Oh, I don't know.

[29:20]You know, a couple shelves.

[29:22]What are they putting up there?

[29:24]Like, the Christmas village that they break out once a year?

[29:26]Like, just deal with it.

[29:27]Like, who cares?

[29:28]It's your basement.

[29:28]You don't go down there.

[29:29]Retired people start worrying about weird things.

[29:32]All right.

[29:33]Rosie, rolling going.

[29:34]How's it going with you?

[29:35]I'm going to try something new with my rolling going this week.

[29:37]Because last week, if you'll recall, in our opener.

[29:42]Are we doing high-carb foods today instead?

[29:45]Oh, yeah.

[29:45]Maybe he's talking about desserts.

[29:48]I see what you're trying to do.

[29:49]Food that actually casts a shadow?

[29:50]I see what you're trying to do.

[29:52]I don't know.

[29:52]Aaron probably doesn't have any thoughts on, like, what bread is best on a sandwich.

[29:55]He doesn't care about that.

[29:55]Last.

[29:56]I did buy a torpedo roll this week just because I was trying to make it.

[30:01]And then I didn't play.

[30:02]Rolling going.

[30:03]What did you buy?

[30:04]I bought a torpedo roll.

[30:06]That's what I'm going to start calling my penis.

[30:08]All right.

[30:09]Let's go.

[30:09]Here we go.

[30:09]No more.

[30:10]That's it.

[30:10]Last time.

[30:11]And so, I think we know by now that Rob's a teacher.

[30:14]And Rob is always teaching in subtle ways.

[30:17]And he was teaching me last week via his opener.

[30:22]But I'm not bringing the same level of inclusion to my rolling going that you all are.

[30:27]Because I'm just talking about things I ate.

[30:29]And I finally learned that you all are using the rolling going as a way, as a means, to

[30:35]stimulate conversation among the group.

[30:37]Oh.

[30:37]So.

[30:38]I learned that.

[30:39]25 episodes in.

[30:41]Yep.

[30:41]I learned that.

[30:42]I learned it.

[30:42]Plus the episode.

[30:44]Plus episode zero.

[30:45]Plus some re-dos.

[30:46]Plus those three that we just tried things out over here.

[30:49]I'm going to try something this week.

[30:51]I'm going to tell you.

[30:51]I'm going to tell you.

[30:51]I'm going to tell you what I've been up to.

[30:53]And then it's going to lead, I hope, to some conversation.

[30:55]So, if you'll just give me some time to describe what I've been up to.

[30:59]Okay.

[31:00]I've been reading Rambo.

[31:01]This is not John Rambo.

[31:03]This is Arthur Rambo.

[31:05]Because I noticed reading about Patti Smith that she was into Rambo, who was a French

[31:09]poet in the late 19th century.

[31:12]And it turns out he also was an inspiration for Henry Rollins.

[31:16]So, I was trying to figure out, what's up?

[31:18]Why is Rambo someone that all these punk?

[31:21]Artists were into, right?

[31:23]What was that about?

[31:23]So, I decided to start reading Rambo.

[31:25]So, it's cool.

[31:27]I like it.

[31:27]It's definitely.

[31:28]I've been reading.

[31:29]Is this chapter two after Dan Severn or not?

[31:30]Yeah.

[31:31]We've done this shit.

[31:31]It's probably right along the same lines, right?

[31:33]Yeah.

[31:33]So, I've been reading.

[31:34]This is all supposed to stimulate conversation?

[31:36]Yeah.

[31:37]Yeah.

[31:37]Just wait.

[31:37]Here it comes.

[31:38]I have Barry Sanders' rookie card.

[31:40]So, this week I've been trying to read Rambo.

[31:42]And I've been reading A Season in Hell, which I think is his most famous poem.

[31:47]And Rambo kind of does the same thing.

[31:50]Where is he from, Rosie?

[31:51]Because.

[31:51]I don't know.

[31:52]He's from France.

[31:52]Is he Russian?

[31:53]He's French.

[31:54]Okay.

[31:54]You said that.

[31:54]I'm sorry.

[31:55]He's French.

[31:55]And he had a romance with Paul Verlaine.

[31:57]And then Verlaine shot him in the wrist.

[31:59]So, it was like a very.

[32:00]He was.

[32:00]And he was known for just being.

[32:01]Huh?

[32:02]Yeah.

[32:03]Very pushing the boundaries.

[32:05]And was.

[32:06]Even for.

[32:07]You know.

[32:07]Especially for his time was.

[32:08]That's pissed.

[32:09]Aaron Stoll is really going here.

[32:11]Was provocative.

[32:14]Yeah.

[32:16]And.

[32:16]So, I've been trying to read it.

[32:18]And I get it.

[32:18]I get where.

[32:19]He also, to me, was writing in.

[32:21]Sort of gender bending ways.

[32:22]Which I think we'll hear on this album.

[32:24]So, I get why Patti Smith was drawn to him.

[32:26]But it really.

[32:27]I don't know.

[32:28]It really bothers me when I'm trying to read something in a foreign language.

[32:32]I'm not reading this in French.

[32:33]I'm reading the English translation.

[32:34]And I've had this experience in my life before.

[32:36]I get really bent out of shape about.

[32:38]Am I reading the best translation of Rabot?

[32:42]Like his.

[32:42]Because then I start Googling.

[32:44]I spend as much time Googling like which translation I should be reading.

[32:47]As I spend actually reading it.

[32:49]So, my question to you guys is.

[32:50]Are there things in your life.

[32:51]That you get irrationally stressed out about.

[32:53]Because I get irrationally stressed about.

[32:54]Whether I'm reading the right translation of something.

[32:57]Are there things in your life.

[32:58]That you also find yourself thinking.

[33:00]I shouldn't have been so stressed about that.

[33:02]What the fuck do you do for a job?

[33:03]I gotta get that goddamn job that you have.

[33:05]What the fuck do you do?

[33:07]Like I'm working all fucking week.

[33:10]I'm dealing with shit all week long.

[33:12]God damn.

[33:14]You got a whole soundboard full of stings.

[33:16]Where'd you have time to make those stings?

[33:18]I'm reading Rambo when you're reading those stings.

[33:21]Okay, okay, okay, okay.

[33:23]So, Rambo?

[33:25]Yeah.

[33:25]Rambo?

[33:27]What?

[33:28]Is this what he's gonna call it?

[33:29]Rambo?

[33:30]What?

[33:30]What he calls his.

[33:31]That's what I'm gonna start calling my penis.

[33:32]Rambo.

[33:33]Rambone.

[33:33]Rambone.

[33:35]I don't like when Aaron does that.

[33:38]And he sticks it into the ice shards.

[33:40]Like Rambo did in Rambo 2 or whatever.

[33:42]When he fights the guy.

[33:43]When he's got the.

[33:43]Oh, yeah.

[33:44]He puts it in the glass.

[33:46]He puts it in the resin.

[33:47]He's like, we're gonna fight the old way.

[33:48]And then he puts it in the resin.

[33:49]And puts it in the glass.

[33:50]It's like, what?

[33:50]That's the old way?

[33:51]The resin into the glass?

[33:52]How is that possibly the old ancient way of.

[33:54]I haven't seen any of the Rambo sequels.

[33:56]Because the first Rambo was one of the saddest movies in human history.

[33:58]I've never gotten past the first one.

[34:00]I recently watched Rambo 3.

[34:01]And the whole movie is.

[34:02]The whole movie is dedicated to the brave Mujahideen of Afghanistan.

[34:07]Who later became the Taliban.

[34:09]So, it's kind of bad nowadays.

[34:10]But Rambo fighting next to the Taliban.

[34:12]An unstoppable force.

[34:14]I'll tell you what I get.

[34:15]Unrationally.

[34:16]What are we trying to figure out?

[34:18]Unrationally stressed out about.

[34:19]I wasn't really listening.

[34:21]Anytime we call on him on this podcast.

[34:23]Yeah.

[34:23]No, I think it's either.

[34:25]We're not doing it right now.

[34:27]But like walking in the skyways downtown.

[34:29]Or even like driving in traffic.

[34:31]Like making sure that if somebody's going a half of a mile an hour faster than me.

[34:37]That I get over so they can pass.

[34:39]Or if I'm going a half of a mile an hour fast.

[34:41]You know, like in all reality.

[34:42]If I just back off a half mile an hour.

[34:46]I'm going to get there three seconds faster.

[34:48]Or slower.

[34:49]Kind of.

[34:49]Right.

[34:49]And I think having.

[34:51]Like there's rules to the road.

[34:53]And rules to driving.

[34:54]There's rules to walking on sidewalks.

[34:55]And people who don't follow those.

[34:58]Or don't have a clear sense of like what's going on.

[35:01]Like dude, get over.

[35:02]Or I can get over.

[35:03]Something like that.

[35:03]Like I think I have an unrational fear of that.

[35:05]I just want to get from point A to point B as quick as I can.

[35:08]And within the rules.

[35:10]You know, like we're not speeding or anything.

[35:11]But like that's what I think.

[35:13]It stresses me out sometimes.

[35:15]And I just should let it go.

[35:16]This is what I'm talking about.

[35:18]These moments where if we could step back and think about what.

[35:21]What we're really worried about.

[35:22]We'd feel better.

[35:23]Thank you Matt for joining me on this journey.

[35:25]I have two irrational angers.

[35:27]The first relates to a home chore that I'm terrible at.

[35:30]We all know I don't clean my gutters.

[35:32]But the other thing that I really struggle with.

[35:34]Is changing my furnace filter.

[35:37]My furnace is super old.

[35:39]And so when I go to change my furnace filter.

[35:41]I never do it as often as I should.

[35:43]But like it doesn't just slide in and out.

[35:44]I have to take out the front and kind of guide it in.

[35:46]Because it keeps getting caught.

[35:47]And it usually takes me somewhere between a half hour and an hour.

[35:51]And I throw tantrums like you would not believe.

[35:53]If someone took a video.

[35:55]Actually I can actually believe it.

[35:57]I can picture it in my head.

[35:58]If someone took a video of me changing a furnace filter.

[36:00]They would put me in a padded room in eight seconds.

[36:03]I lose my shit.

[36:05]When I go downstairs.

[36:07]And I can't get that furnace filter in right away.

[36:09]And it takes forever.

[36:10]I get pissed.

[36:11]It's the irrational anger.

[36:15]It comes out to the tenth power.

[36:16]I'm not alone.

[36:18]I'm glad I'm not alone.

[36:19]My other one.

[36:21]Is going to stores that have self-checkout lanes.

[36:25]And people in front of you don't know how to do the self-checkout.

[36:28]And take forever.

[36:29]I mean.

[36:30]I would burn that target to the fucking ground.

[36:33]If it meant we could get out of there like a minute faster.

[36:36]Like why.

[36:37]If you don't know.

[36:38]There should have to be a class where you have to be certified in self-checkout lanes.

[36:42]And the people that disregard whatever the express lanes.

[36:46]I can't handle checkout lanes and waiting in lines.

[36:49]Put the item in the self-checkout lane.

[36:51]And the bag.

[36:51]You have an unscanned item in the bag.

[36:54]It's like yeah.

[36:55]You put your purse on there lady.

[36:56]Like let's move along.

[36:57]I've got one more irrational anger thing.

[36:59]No.

[37:00]Why.

[37:00]Why.

[37:01]It's a therapeutic Davenport of love.

[37:03]We got all the heroes.

[37:04]I'm not going to sit on that Davenport anywhere near Aaron after what he's calling the Davenport.

[37:09]But I'll sit on the other end of the Davenport.

[37:11]My third thing that I get irrationally angry about is gas stations.

[37:16]Why do they need so much information for me to just buy some gas?

[37:20]Why do I need.

[37:21]What's the option to do a car wash?

[37:22]Why do they need my zip code?

[37:24]Why do they need my car like my points card?

[37:28]I don't want to answer five stupid questions to put gas in my car.

[37:32]I'm trying to pay you money.

[37:34]Just let me get my gas and leave.

[37:36]Yes.

[37:37]Well, economics of it, Russell, is that they really make all their money on their donuts and the cookies and the car washes on the inside.

[37:45]The gas is almost a loss later.

[37:47]You can't order.

[37:48]You know, and so they've got to do everything they can to try to nickel and dime you.

[37:51]Could you imagine if you could click a button, though, and somebody would bring you out like two macadamia nut cookies from holidays?

[37:56]Oh, yeah, I'd be so happy to be an irrational anger.

[37:59]If that was the case, that would be an irrational.

[38:01]How many donuts would you like delivered to your car today?

[38:03]Oh, my God.

[38:04]I'll take a cool half dozen.

[38:05]I was in an eating contest once and I had to eat a six pack of those glazed donuts from holiday.

[38:10]And I think I ate them like in under 30 seconds or 20 seconds like against a kid.

[38:14]I cannot even look at those cookies anymore.

[38:16]I get so sick.

[38:17]It's the same reaction I have to like root beer schnapps.

[38:19]It's like it makes me sick.

[38:21]Yeah, that's I've had some rough nights with that.

[38:23]Yeah, everybody's got a drink like that.

[38:25]I you know, I for me, honestly, it's now when I wake up on a Saturday morning after this because we stay up pretty late recording this.

[38:31]I'm convinced that I'm going to miss the sign up period for drag bingo that I do on Saturday nights.

[38:36]Now, I have to sign up for drag bingo by 2 p.m.

[38:39]And I'll wake up at like 7 a.m.

[38:40]And be like, if I sleep anymore, I might miss the drag bingo sign up.

[38:45]And I'm like, no, I'm not.

[38:46]I haven't slept.

[38:47]I haven't slept.

[38:48]Yeah, I know.

[38:49]I haven't slept past 9 a.m.

[38:50]And like.

[38:51]I have to do that or can't you do it right now?

[38:55]I mean, oh, yeah, no, I definitely could.

[38:57]OK, but I did it right now.

[38:59]I did.

[38:59]Well, I did just drink this tall boy of Bud Seltzer.

[39:01]Do you see this thing?

[39:02]That's not quite as big as the other one that was as big as your head, but it's pretty big.

[39:07]It's pretty big and it's carbonated, which I realize is a huge mistake when I'm doing an audio medium like a podcast.

[39:12]I really like I wake up and I think about things in the morning at like 7 a.m.

[39:18]And I'm like, OK, well, I'm up.

[39:19]I'm now stressed about stuff like.

[39:21]It's just so stupid.

[39:22]I know I have time to do it.

[39:23]It's the dumbest thing.

[39:24]But other than that, my life is perfect.

[39:25]I don't stress about anything.

[39:26]I'm great.

[39:27]I'm glad to hear that.

[39:28]Oh, I also I stress about when I'm reading French poetry that I'm getting the wrong translation.

[39:33]So I don't know if anybody mentioned that, but that's me as well.

[39:35]So I am stressed about that.

[39:37]All right.

[39:39]And speaking about shit that nobody else is ever going to do.

[39:41]Let's talk about the album Horses by Patti Smith.

[39:43]Is this have any of you heard this album before this list at all?

[39:47]Oh, I'm.

[39:47]She actually heard.

[39:51]Something that's an edit point.

[39:53]Oh, no, no, no, no.

[39:53]It goes like this.

[39:54]It goes one, two, three.

[39:56]Matt rolling going.

[39:59]How's it going?

[40:00]Stupid, stupid Bud Seltzer.

[40:03]That's it.

[40:03]That's not my fault.

[40:04]Yeah.

[40:04]I want to introduce a new segment to the pod this week.

[40:08]Yes.

[40:09]That's what I'm going to start calling my penis.

[40:10]Oh, OK.

[40:11]Sorry.

[40:11]I'm going to call it something old, something new, something borrowed, something back.

[40:19]I think I came up with that.

[40:21]Oh, nice.

[40:22]And so you're the most creative guy in this podcast.

[40:24]But yeah, I've been watching a lot of I've been trying to get through jazz.

[40:28]It's the what's his name?

[40:31]Who's the guy?

[40:31]Ed Burns.

[40:32]Ken Burns.

[40:34]Ken Burns did it in 2001.

[40:36]And it's on first episode.

[40:37]John Stockton pick and roll.

[40:39]You ever seen that guy's fucking haircut, by the way?

[40:42]Ken Burns.

[40:42]It's a pretty wicked haircut for a guy who's documentary.

[40:45]He's got a fucked haircut.

[40:46]I don't know what's going on.

[40:47]You think at some point I would be like, Ken, your haircut is fucked.

[40:50]I saw him on the streets.

[40:51]New York.

[40:51]Even in person.

[40:52]I was like, oh, that haircut.

[40:53]You're fucked.

[40:53]All right.

[40:56]Where were you?

[40:56]You said something about.

[40:57]I mean, so this thing, you know, it the the jazz documentary heavily gets involved with

[41:04]Louis Armstrong.

[41:04]And so then, you know, on TV, you've got the Stella Artois has this new commercial and

[41:10]it's got this horn and it's like mesmerizing to me.

[41:14]And I'm like, what in the hell is that horn?

[41:15]So I was looking it up.

[41:17]You can you can hit play on it, Rob, right now.

[41:18]And the, you know, so.

[41:21]I'm listening to it.

[41:21]It's a song called right here.

[41:23]You'll recognize it from the commercial, but it's called Levy and Rose and Louis Armstrong

[41:27]covers it.

[41:28]And it's just it's it's like what music should be, I guess, in my head, you know, when you're

[41:35]thinking about old time music.

[41:36]So that's my something old.

[41:38]It's beautiful.

[41:39]Can you go ahead to just hear a little bit of Louis singing?

[41:43]Just beautiful.

[41:45]Russ, are you and I dumb shits on this podcast?

[41:51]Is that the problem?

[41:52]This is fantastic music.

[41:54]I love it.

[41:55]Oh, no, it's just me.

[41:57]Everybody's so smart.

[41:59]If you look around the room, you can't find the sucker.

[42:02]I think I have this conversation every week with somebody on the podcast.

[42:06]They're like, no, it's just you, Rob.

[42:07]I'm like, oh, so my my my my something new is a group called pain.

[42:13]And the song is Summer Girl.

[42:16]And I found this on a on a Peloton ride.

[42:19]Somebody, you know, one of the Peloton instructors.

[42:21]Had it.

[42:21]And I'm like, this sounds great.

[42:23]You know, I think you can hear a bunch of different influences in the song.

[42:28]But something called Hame.

[42:29]They were signed by by Jay-Z's production company.

[42:35]They were actually like a kid band with Nickelodeon.

[42:38]It's three sisters and stuff.

[42:39]So I don't know.

[42:40]Hame.

[42:41]It's my something new.

[42:42]You mentioned Peloton rides and Beck did it better.

[42:45]Don't you have some sort of Beck did it better ride or what's what's the what's going on with Beck?

[42:49]We got a hashtag.

[42:51]We got we got we're up to three people.

[42:52]I keep recruiting.

[42:53]So Sarah for me and Prairie's a hashtag Beck did it better.

[42:57]I should do that.

[42:57]Nice.

[42:58]Yeah.

[42:59]That's better.

[43:00]Yeah.

[43:00]Well, I'm the hashtag sex laser.

[43:01]So I'm still rocking that one.

[43:03]I don't know.

[43:03]My my something borrowed is Chris Cornell's cover of Patience.

[43:09]And I feel like we've talked about this before, but I keep coming back to it.

[43:13]And Chris Cornell is probably the best voice of our generation, I would say.

[43:21]And then him covering Patience by Guns N' Roses is just it's it's awesome.

[43:26]And it's a banger.

[43:27]We brought up Sarah for me and Prairie.

[43:29]So I'll say it's a banger.

[43:30]So go ahead.

[43:32]Listen to it.

[43:33]We don't have to listen to the whole thing here.

[43:35]My my my something Beck is Loser by Beck.

[43:40]And I thought, you know, we kind of get through some of these maybe obscure Beck songs every once in a while.

[43:46]Rob, pick the next song.

[43:47]There we go.

[43:49]Yeah.

[43:51]And we just I did that in my own volition, by the way.

[43:52]Not because somebody told me.

[43:53]Yeah, we hear it.

[43:55]And this is by far my favorite Beck song.

[43:58]And it's his most popular.

[43:59]Well, maybe, you know, from from the early days.

[44:02]And I just wanted to hear it.

[44:03]So I just thought, you know, since it's my section, we can put on your section.

[44:07]Put on Loser by Beck.

[44:08]Beck did it better.

[44:09]Never a bad day to listen to this.

[44:12]Do you guys remember seeing this video and being like, what the fuck is going on with this guy?

[44:16]This guy's nuts.

[44:16]And then it turns out he's like this huge musical savant.

[44:19]And it turns out his dad.

[44:21]Of course, I learned this last week.

[44:23]I can't remember where is like a big musical guy with movies and bands and organized stuff.

[44:27]So let's see if you were really paying attention.

[44:29]Who was his mom?

[44:30]She was the she was an Andy Warhol model.

[44:36]Yes.

[44:37]And Rob listens.

[44:39]Yeah.

[44:39]Well, I did edit that last episode about five minutes before I came on.

[44:43]Also, can you imagine if your future self had come back to talk to you in a time machine and told you that while you were listening to Beck that 25 years later, you were going to be a rock star?

[44:51]You'd be on something called a podcast where you were recording it in your daughter's bedroom and pumping it out to the masses on the Internet, right?

[44:59]And then you tried to kiss yourself from the future because you wanted to see what it felt like to kiss yourself.

[45:03]Next time I go change my furnace filter, I'm going to re-listen to Aaron telling me that story over and over.

[45:09]It's going to be so soothing.

[45:10]I still won't be able to change the furnace filter, but at least I won't be so angry.

[45:18]Just throw the furnace filter away.

[45:19]Who cares if shit gets wet?

[45:20]It's in your furnace or whatever the furnace filter does.

[45:22]Does it not let shit in or shit out?

[45:24]I have to bring down the metal folding chair that the honky-tonk man didn't use and sit it next to the filter.

[45:30]I need to sit down because I can't stand sitting on my knees in the cement next to the furnace filter for a half hour.

[45:36]It's a whole other deal.

[45:39]Get some of those knee pads, like the industrial knee pads you can wear down there.

[45:42]I guess.

[45:43]Oh, by God, he's got a folding chair.

[45:45]Oh, that's Russell's music.

[45:49]The humanity.

[45:50]All right.

[45:51]For the first time tonight, let's start talking about Patti Smith's Horses.

[45:55]So this album came out in, oh, I can't remember the date.

[45:59]1975.

[45:59]1975.

[46:00]1975.

[46:01]Patti Smith Horses.

[46:03]Oh, my God.

[46:04]It's January 29th.

[46:05]I don't know how you guys do this.

[46:06]I cannot focus.

[46:06]So this is really kind of the original.

[46:10]People are calling this the original proto-punk album.

[46:12]This actually came out about five months before the first Ramones album.

[46:17]But this is really, people have described this as three chords with.

[46:20]Poetry.

[46:21]And it really is true when you listen to it.

[46:23]I got a lot more out of this album after doing the research and listening to it again.

[46:26]Her lyrics are thick.

[46:28]I mean, they are dense.

[46:29]They are really interesting to listen to.

[46:30]But the music itself is not that complicated, which I think is kind of, it has its accessibility

[46:35]to it.

[46:36]Inspired people like R.E.M., Morrissey, Courtney Love.

[46:39]Basically, Patti Smith and her band had a two-month residency at CBGB, the famous punk

[46:44]club here in New York City.

[46:46]And she was signed by Clive Davis at Arista Records, and they wanted somebody to produce

[46:50]the album.

[46:51]And she said, no, I want this guy named John Cale, who played Viola in, does anybody want

[46:56]to guess?

[46:56]Velvet Underground.

[46:57]Yeah, he was a Velvet Underground guy.

[47:00]And I think you can definitely hear a little bit of that influence on this album of like,

[47:04]okay, let's try, you know, a 10-minute song where we're dragging a chair across a concrete

[47:08]floor.

[47:08]Like, there definitely is a little bit of that in this album.

[47:11]Right after they got done recording it, she said, yeah, we never listened to John Cale.

[47:15]We didn't listen to Jack Shit, he said.

[47:16]We ignored most of what he said.

[47:17]And then recently, she's come around and said, yeah, I was just nervous about recording this

[47:20]studio.

[47:20]So I was kind of rude to him.

[47:21]And she's quoted as saying, I wanted to make a record that would make a certain type of

[47:25]person not feel alone.

[47:27]People who are like me, different.

[47:28]I wasn't targeting the whole world.

[47:30]I wasn't trying to make a hit record.

[47:31]And John is quoted as saying that when they came in, all their instruments were so damaged

[47:36]that they couldn't stay in tune.

[47:37]And he was like, we can't record to this.

[47:39]And they put out this kind of, you got a picture in 75.

[47:43]This is a strange album to come out, right?

[47:45]Some two-minute songs, some nine-minute songs.

[47:47]It's taking pieces of other old hit songs and then kind of fusing it with the music.

[47:50]With their poetry.

[47:51]And it still got all the way up to 47 on the billboard.

[47:54]And it really didn't get played on the radio very much.

[47:56]So that's it for my history.

[47:58]Yeah.

[47:59]So let's get into Horses by Patti Smith.

[48:02]We got the first song, Gloria.

[48:04]Best opening lyrics of all time, I would say.

[48:08]Pretty close.

[48:09]What are the opening lyrics here?

[48:11]Here, I'll play them for you.

[48:12]Jesus died for somebody's sins, but not mine.

[48:15]Yep.

[48:15]Jesus died for somebody's sins, but not mine.

[48:20]I mean, it's good.

[48:22]Like, this album sounds good.

[48:24]That's showing a lot of Rambo influence.

[48:25]He wrote a lot about the alienation from the church.

[48:28]What do you want me to say?

[48:31]I'm scared.

[48:31]That's Rocky.

[48:33]Sorry, that's not Rambo.

[48:34]What do you got?

[48:36]If he dies, he dies.

[48:37]What kind of weapons you got?

[48:39]We don't have any weapons.

[48:40]Then you're not doing nothing.

[48:42]I'm shocked that Rob didn't choose the lyrics about humping on a parking meter.

[48:46]I thought for sure that was the direction he'd be going with this one.

[48:49]If you can see her on the screen,

[48:50]I actually did write that down as part of a quote.

[48:52]I mean, humping the parking meter is pretty good.

[48:54]So she took the song Gloria by Van Morrison and Them,

[48:58]which is actually a band we had talked about earlier.

[49:00]I can't remember why we were talking about Them.

[49:01]I think it was on one of Russell's wonderful lists.

[49:03]But she took the song Gloria,

[49:05]and the only part of the song that actually stayed the same

[49:09]was, of course, the actually spelling out of Gloria,

[49:13]which we heard in the opening.

[49:14]This is badass.

[49:15]It sounds so good.

[49:16]I listened to this song 50 times this week.

[49:19]Yeah, the guitars are great.

[49:20]Rob, you mentioned a bunch of artists that she inspired.

[49:23]There's one you didn't list,

[49:25]and I could only think of one person when I heard her,

[49:28]and that was Gwen Stefani.

[49:29]This sounds like no doubt to me to a T.

[49:32]If Gwen Stefani wasn't mimicking her,

[49:34]she had to 100% be mimicking everything she did.

[49:38]Don't you think?

[49:38]I think so, because you can hear that Patti Smith can sing,

[49:42]but at the same time,

[49:43]she uses her voice as a real instrument on a lot of these songs.

[49:46]Yeah, that's what I've had for...

[49:50]but this album was new to me,

[49:53]and when I talk about any song on this album,

[49:56]it's going to be because a light bulb came on where I think,

[49:58]oh, this thing that I thought was new actually came from Patti Smith.

[50:01]It's really amazing because you can hear echoes of what she was doing

[50:05]reverberating throughout so much music that we've listened to in our lifetime.

[50:08]Let me ask you guys something.

[50:10]Patti Smith is probably...

[50:11]She's more famous as a poet, I think, or not more famous,

[50:14]but she's definitely well-known as a poet.

[50:16]Do you think I could just become a poet if I started writing stuff

[50:19]and then just like...

[50:20]Like, why can't I be a poet?

[50:22]Everyone's a poet, just like everyone's a yogi.

[50:24]Yeah, you are a poet.

[50:25]You probably wouldn't know it.

[50:27]Rob, remember, I'm a poet.

[50:29]Remember, I was a poet on my online dating profile many episodes back.

[50:32]If I can be a poet, Rob, and get no swipes,

[50:35]you can be a poet and get no swipes.

[50:37]What rhymes with fucking furnace?

[50:40]I actually went...

[50:43]Trucking dervish.

[50:45]I had a co-worker who had a poetry night,

[50:48]and she's like a true poet,

[50:50]and she's like a true poet,

[50:50]and she had a whole setup where she had like opening act poets in front of her,

[50:54]and then she had a book of poetry that just came out,

[50:57]so she was doing a reading,

[50:58]and it was like my first year in New York,

[51:01]and here is this like black lesbian poetry that I'm going to,

[51:05]and it was exactly what I thought it would be,

[51:08]where I walk into this hotel,

[51:10]I go down to like a basement,

[51:11]and then down to like a sub-basement,

[51:13]and it's all these people sitting there,

[51:15]and then they're...

[51:16]Changing furnace filters?

[51:16]Yeah.

[51:17]And they're talking about like, you know,

[51:20]how, you know,

[51:21]the vagina is so powerful and this,

[51:23]and then they get done and clap,

[51:24]and I was like,

[51:25]this is exactly what fucking New York should be.

[51:27]Like, this is exactly what I thought it was going to be.

[51:29]It was unbelievable.

[51:30]It was just,

[51:31]it was just right on.

[51:32]So there you go.

[51:33]And for all of our listeners playing the Rob Bigups New York drinking game,

[51:36]you are drunk as shit right now,

[51:38]because we've had a lot of those already.

[51:40]We all are taking shots every,

[51:41]every 30 seconds on this episode.

[51:43]What did I send you a picture of today?

[51:45]Electric Lady Studios, right?

[51:47]You're in the middle of it.

[51:48]Hey, you're there, Rob.

[51:49]It turns out I get drunk right next to you.

[51:50]I get drunk next to there on every Friday.

[51:51]Drink.

[51:52]All right.

[51:56]Next up,

[51:56]we've got Redondo Beach.

[51:58]So this is the one we're going to talk this entire episode about where we hear

[52:06]her influences and I'm small minded.

[52:08]And for me,

[52:08]my mind went straight to sublime on this.

[52:11]It just felt like,

[52:11]oh,

[52:12]this is a,

[52:12]this is West coast reggae punk stuff.

[52:15]But I did try to do some cursory research into when punk and reggae sort of

[52:20]intersected because we heard it on London calling,

[52:22]but this album came out four years before London calling and everything I could

[52:26]find sort of said,

[52:27]oh,

[52:28]punk and reggae started getting together when Johnny rotten went to Jamaica in

[52:31]1976 and Bob Marley,

[52:33]you know,

[52:34]went to London and maybe recorded a,

[52:36]a punk tune.

[52:37]And Patty was,

[52:38]was doing it before anybody else.

[52:39]This came,

[52:40]she wrote the song in 1971 and then it came out in 75.

[52:44]So she was obviously a pioneer in terms of sound.

[52:47]And then,

[52:48]uh,

[52:48]Rob,

[52:48]you probably have some thoughts about what the,

[52:50]about the song.

[52:50]The subject matter,

[52:51]right?

[52:51]Well,

[52:53]I,

[52:53]the,

[52:53]the,

[52:54]the idea of the song is that she got,

[52:55]this woman gets in a fight with her lover and the lover takes off and the

[53:00]woman's worried about her.

[53:00]And it's actually based on a fight Patty had with her sister.

[53:02]And after the fight,

[53:03]Patty took the F train down to Coney Island.

[53:06]You guys know what I'm talking about?

[53:07]And she sat on the beach all night.

[53:10]And the only thing I didn't sit on the Davenport of love,

[53:12]did she?

[53:12]No,

[53:13]I don't think so.

[53:14]She sat on the beach all night and his wife might have an issue with that.

[53:18]If people are just sitting on the Davenport of love left and right,

[53:20]let me clear up a spot for you to sit.

[53:23]Oh no.

[53:24]Oh,

[53:25]Rob,

[53:25]Rob,

[53:25]you cannot do that.

[53:28]It's extra good with the visual joke.

[53:29]No,

[53:29]they can tell what you just,

[53:31]oh no.

[53:32]And,

[53:33]uh,

[53:33]so it got me thinking like beaches.

[53:35]I,

[53:36]I don't care for beaches.

[53:37]What do you guys think of beaches?

[53:38]What is,

[53:38]what's your opinion on beaches?

[53:39]Rob,

[53:40]I don't,

[53:40]I know you're a California dude,

[53:42]Aaron,

[53:42]with your long blonde hair.

[53:43]I don't like,

[53:44]I got a pretty,

[53:44]I got a pretty strong take.

[53:46]Here we go.

[53:46]I don't like like,

[53:48]you know,

[53:48]where everybody's out suntanning beaches.

[53:50]But like the beaches of like,

[53:52]uh,

[53:53]South Carolina,

[53:54]North Carolina,

[53:54]that's not so like vacationing.

[53:56]We're just going to go where,

[53:58]where,

[53:59]uh,

[53:59]you know,

[54:00]we're not going to just go put umbrellas out and,

[54:02]and sit there all day,

[54:03]but are a little more,

[54:04]what are the kids have to like climb a cliff to get there?

[54:08]Like,

[54:08]what are you talking about?

[54:09]Yeah.

[54:09]Yeah.

[54:10]You know,

[54:10]they're much more,

[54:11]there's much more,

[54:11]you know,

[54:12]behind them.

[54:12]And it's much more,

[54:13]uh,

[54:14]you know,

[54:15]I just,

[54:15]I don't like the going to the beaches where it's a bunch of blue hairs who've retired down there.

[54:20]They're just sitting out there all day.

[54:21]Just my take.

[54:23]So like Miami,

[54:23]not a fan.

[54:24]I got Aaron.

[54:26]Aaron just held up a big thumbs up when you talked about old people on a beach.

[54:28]And he was like,

[54:29]Oh yeah.

[54:29]I don't know.

[54:30]I've seen some really fantastic pictures of you having fun on beaches in New York,

[54:36]in Croatia.

[54:38]I call shenanigans.

[54:39]I think you like the beach,

[54:40]Rob.

[54:40]I also got kids.

[54:41]I got to entertain kids.

[54:43]When I go to a beach,

[54:46]I have sand coming out of my butt crack for the next three days.

[54:49]And it's like in the bed.

[54:50]It's a,

[54:50]a nightmare.

[54:51]My butt crack can hold a lot of sand.

[54:53]There's a lot of raw tonnage going on in there.

[54:55]You just tell your wife that when it turns out you were eating crackers in the bed or you were eating food and there were crumbs.

[55:01]And she accused you.

[55:02]You're like,

[55:02]Nope,

[55:02]Nope.

[55:03]It was sand from the beach trip eight weeks ago in South Carolina.

[55:06]Yeah.

[55:06]And then I get those crumbs and I ship them over to Aaron's house.

[55:08]And they've never been in my feet.

[55:11]That's why I got to have these nice slippers.

[55:12]Oh my gout.

[55:13]No,

[55:14]it's just crumbs,

[55:14]sweetie.

[55:14]You're seven in crumbs.

[55:15]You don't actually have gout.

[55:17]Russ,

[55:18]I assume you love beaches,

[55:18]so we'll move on.

[55:19]All right.

[55:20]So big news in the gout world as it relates to COVID,

[55:23]but we're not going to do that right now.

[55:24]Wait a minute.

[55:26]I got a sting.

[55:26]I got a sting for your,

[55:27]um,

[55:28]for big news.

[55:29]That's what I'm gonna start calling my penis.

[55:31]Okay.

[55:31]There we go.

[55:31]Sorry about that.

[55:33]Uh,

[55:34]it turns out my gout medicine Colchicine is a useful as a treatment for COVID.

[55:38]So I'm concerned that I'm not gonna be able to get my medicine.

[55:39]Now we can edit that out or you're already,

[55:44]uh,

[55:45]yeah,

[55:48]or maybe I'm fine.

[55:50]I don't know what you're talking about.

[55:51]Is it treatment?

[55:51]Maybe you lived in your garage for a week.

[55:54]Listen,

[55:55]for nothing.

[55:56]I've edited this out of three other episodes.

[55:58]Stop talking about your fucking gout medication and COVID healing COVID.

[56:01]We don't want to hear about it anymore.

[56:02]Nobody gives a shit.

[56:03]Jesus Christ.

[56:05]It's running even with the Hulk Hogan sex tape references at this point,

[56:09]right?

[56:09]Oh my God.

[56:14]I got so much gout.

[56:16]Okay.

[56:19]After this,

[56:19]we're going to find that.

[56:20]We're going to watch it together before the ultimate warrior match.

[56:24]My feet are swollen up.

[56:25]I couldn't give him the big boot.

[56:27]I didn't know what to do.

[56:28]Just like we used to watch ultimate together in a dorm room.

[56:31]We're going to watch that sex tape and it's going to be the most hetero thing we do all week.

[56:35]Oh yeah.

[56:36]Oh yeah.

[56:37]We've got bird land.

[56:41]I guess people are talking about my loins and I say gird land.

[56:44]Oh no,

[56:44]no,

[56:45]no.

[56:45]So where am I?

[56:50]And it may turn into turd land.

[56:52]Oh,

[56:53]geez,

[56:54]we should be like Matt.

[56:55]Genius.

[56:55]That should be the main host.

[56:56]Where my music theater kids at?

[56:59]Where are my rent heads at this one?

[57:01]When I heard this,

[57:01]I was like,

[57:02]Oh,

[57:02]this is Maureen doing jumped over the moon from rent.

[57:05]This is like all these things that we're hearing in popular culture.

[57:10]So many of them came from Patty Smith.

[57:12]They have a super that changes the furnace filter and in the play rent or not.

[57:17]Yeah.

[57:18]Uh,

[57:19]no,

[57:19]they got one of those,

[57:20]uh,

[57:20]bad landlords who's like trying to,

[57:21]you know,

[57:22]shut off the lights and all that.

[57:23]Would I enjoy rent?

[57:25]I only enjoy musicals that are comedies.

[57:27]It's very,

[57:28]that's so funny.

[57:29]So this song,

[57:31]this song,

[57:33]this song is,

[57:35]is a couple.

[57:36]Now guys,

[57:37]I don't want this to lead to a further conversation,

[57:39]but this song is inspired by a book by Peter Reich,

[57:41]who is talking about his dad's funeral,

[57:43]William Reich,

[57:44]and he envisioned the UFO coming down to pick up his dad.

[57:47]So of course I did some research on Wilhelm and he was,

[57:50]was one of these guys who was big into the idea of Freud's idea of libido and

[57:55]how the super ego suppress suppresses libido to the point where Wilhelm Reich

[58:00]started talking about things called orgone,

[58:02]which is the energy you get from orgasms.

[58:05]It's a,

[58:05]it's a word from orgasm and organism.

[58:07]So he actually invented a machine called an orgone accumulator in which you

[58:12]would sit inside this machine and it would pull sexual energy from the world

[58:15]around you.

[58:16]Just play Aerosmith videos.

[58:17]That was it.

[58:20]I'll tell you what podcast over perfect job.

[58:27]That's it.

[58:30]Sit in a room for four hours,

[58:31]get on my orgone.

[58:32]But so they would,

[58:34]he had this thing called an orgone and he would like harness sexual energy with

[58:38]it.

[58:39]And he basically like was saying,

[58:40]Hey,

[58:40]if you sit in this,

[58:41]it's going to collect enough sex energy and it can like cure cancer.

[58:43]He actually brought one to Einstein.

[58:45]Einstein did some experiments with it.

[58:47]They talked to a professor in Oregon who had one is like,

[58:50]listen,

[58:50]I know this machine doesn't do jack shit,

[58:51]but my wife sits in this thing for four hours a day and it increases their

[58:54]sexual energy.

[58:55]So I think it's great.

[58:55]They brought the Oregon to Oregon.

[58:58]If you guys,

[58:59]if you guys get some big boxes as a male with my picture inside,

[59:04]you guys know that it's a Rob,

[59:05]you could put that towel up.

[59:06]It's a Rob Oregon collector.

[59:08]But he,

[59:09]he wrote a book called the function of the orgasm,

[59:12]which I think is great.

[59:13]And yeah,

[59:15]so that's it.

[59:15]Just wanted to say the word orgasm a bunch on the podcast over under was

[59:20]four.

[59:20]You made it.

[59:21]You did it.

[59:21]That's the no more saying orgasm.

[59:23]All right.

[59:24]So let's talk.

[59:24]Uh,

[59:25]listen orgasm.

[59:26]Did you guys hear that Eddie money was in jail for a little bit?

[59:29]And I was like free money.

[59:30]Oh,

[59:31]I'm sorry.

[59:32]Oh,

[59:32]nice.

[59:33]Pretty good.

[59:33]Yeah.

[59:34]He's dead though.

[59:36]My understanding is this song was about her growing up poor,

[59:41]right?

[59:41]And her mom always had this dream of winning the lottery,

[59:44]but she never bought the tickets.

[59:45]So when I listened to this at first,

[59:47]I was thinking it's all about what she would,

[59:50]imagining if she were going to do the money.

[59:51]So I was going to do this list about the greatest songs about people trying to

[59:54]get money.

[59:55]And of course the list was going to be topped with cream by the Wu Tang clan.

[60:00]Rob reset,

[60:02]the reset,

[60:02]the sign.

[60:03]Cause we've talked to the Wu Tang clan again,

[60:05]but I rubbed off the sign.

[60:07]I'm in my Oregon.

[60:08]There's been other things in the world happening with people trying to get

[60:13]money.

[60:13]I don't know,

[60:14]Matt,

[60:14]I think you mentioned this the other day.

[60:16]Did you guys follow this whole Reddit thing and people driving up the price?

[60:20]Of the games,

[60:20]the game stop stock.

[60:22]I've been trying to figure it out.

[60:24]Yeah.

[60:24]You know,

[60:25]have all these huge gains at the expense of these huge hedge hedge funds that

[60:29]are,

[60:30]are short selling and betting against these companies.

[60:32]And so I was thinking about this and I started thinking about game stop and I

[60:37]was like,

[60:37]I want to know what are the greatest old school Nintendo songs ever.

[60:43]Oh my God.

[60:44]Oh yeah.

[60:44]So,

[60:45]so instead of doing money songs,

[60:47]we're going to do the greatest Nintendo game songs ever because,

[60:50]because game stop is at a high.

[60:51]I'll tell you what,

[60:52]this was a trip to get to here,

[60:53]but I am excited for this list.

[60:54]And I also know what Rosie thinks of when he thinks about shorting stocks.

[60:58]That's what I'm going to start calling my penis.

[60:59]Okay.

[60:59]And that's for real though.

[61:00]That's it.

[61:01]No more.

[61:02]Okay.

[61:03]Rosie,

[61:03]get out of the Oregon.

[61:04]We're doing a podcast.

[61:05]All right.

[61:06]So one thing that was cool is my understanding is that all those Nintendo games,

[61:11]those eight bit games were a lot of them were these composers that use like a

[61:15]basic Casio keyboard.

[61:16]And so that's kind of the sound you hear.

[61:18]But the first song on the list,

[61:20]one of the greatest Nintendo old school Nintendo game songs ever is from Mega

[61:24]Man two.

[61:24]And this is Dr.

[61:25]Wiley stage one.

[61:26]I feel,

[61:29]I feel nervous.

[61:30]Just listen to this.

[61:31]Like it was hard to beat these guys.

[61:32]So an interesting thing about this song is this song is played on stage one

[61:37]and stage two of the game because they actually ran out of room on the game

[61:42]to have two different songs.

[61:44]So this is one of the reasons it's kind of very famous is they had to repeat

[61:47]it,

[61:47]use it over and over,

[61:48]but this is pretty bad-ass.

[61:49]It almost,

[61:50]this sounds like an electric guitar and not a piano,

[61:51]right?

[61:52]This is so good.

[61:53]I mean,

[61:53]some of those songs on Nintendo were just excellent.

[61:56]Aaron,

[61:56]do you know what guy I would always fight first in Mega Man?

[61:58]Woodman?

[62:00]That's what I'm going to start calling my penis.

[62:03]Okay.

[62:04]For real.

[62:04]By the way,

[62:09]I would have hit that no matter if you would have said fireman,

[62:12]Bernie man,

[62:12]whatever.

[62:13]Did not matter.

[62:14]Next up on the list is we've talked about this before.

[62:17]I,

[62:18]I miss talking to women at a,

[62:20]a Halloween party once because I was playing Mike Tyson's punch out.

[62:22]This has to be one of the greatest Nintendo game songs ever,

[62:25]right?

[62:25]Yes.

[62:26]You know,

[62:26]what's more pathetic than that is your friend sitting there watching you

[62:29]play Mike Tyson's punch out instead of talking to women.

[62:31]And that guy was me.

[62:32]Meanwhile,

[62:34]there's a lot going on in these compositions,

[62:36]man.

[62:36]So Aaron,

[62:38]you mentioned what's going on in this composition.

[62:39]It's really interesting.

[62:41]This song actually came from a different song in the forties and fifties.

[62:45]And it came from a,

[62:47]a Gillette shaving commercial.

[62:49]Which eventually became this song is jingle that was used for this sports show called the Gillette cavalcade of sports where they would show like Rocky Marciano.

[62:59]What a fucking great name people.

[63:01]So if you guys check this out,

[63:02]this is the Gillette commercial that essentially became the,

[63:07]the song for this boxing TV show and became the song for Mike Tyson's punch out.

[63:11]Check out the old school,

[63:12]the commercial here.

[63:14]You'll hear it.

[63:15]This is so good.

[63:19]This is so good.

[63:20]Oh man.

[63:21]Be sharp.

[63:22]Oh,

[63:25]it's so good.

[63:26]Yeah.

[63:28]Oh,

[63:29]you can hear it a hundred percent.

[63:30]That's so good.

[63:31]What was that show?

[63:32]That was the show called the Notre Dame fighting.

[63:35]It is close.

[63:36]It is called the Gillette cavalcade of sports.

[63:38]And so it was this sports.

[63:39]They would keep showing Rocky Marciano and all these old school forties,

[63:44]fifties boxers.

[63:45]And this song was actually once recorded by the Boston pops orchestra.

[63:49]That's just outstanding.

[63:51]So good.

[63:52]So good.

[63:53]So next up on the list is probably the most famous video game of all time.

[63:57]It's super Mario brothers.

[63:58]You guys will know this song for sure.

[64:00]I thought you were going to say a leisure suit,

[64:01]Larry.

[64:01]If you put this or anyone who doesn't know this song,

[64:12]you'd have a jam.

[64:13]Yeah.

[64:14]If you don't know the song,

[64:16]you've got to get out of there.

[64:17]This was,

[64:18]this was composed by this guy.

[64:19]Shigeru Miramoto.

[64:21]And he didn't like composing things,

[64:23]but he liked playing.

[64:24]And what was really cool a few years ago,

[64:27]he got to play with one of Aaron's favorite bands,

[64:29]the roots on the tonight show.

[64:31]So Rob,

[64:31]if you want to pull up the composer of that song,

[64:34]playing with the roots on the tonight show with quest,

[64:37]love on the drums.

[64:38]Ah,

[64:38]yes.

[64:39]Happy 50th birthday quest.

[64:41]Love just last week.

[64:42]This is Aaron's Oregon device.

[64:43]This is,

[64:44]yeah,

[64:44]this is it.

[64:45]Oh,

[64:48]this is fun.

[64:49]stuff. Holy shit. And actually, if people

[64:52]go look it up, the Roots play

[64:53]the Tecmo, or they play this

[64:55]song, Super Mario Brothers, at

[64:57]concerts once in a while, and the people just go bonkers

[64:59]for it. I wonder if they do

[65:01]where you go into the pipes.

[65:02]Do-do-do-do-do-do.

[65:04]Do-do-do-do-do-do.

[65:06]Do-do-do-do-do-do.

[65:09]Down with a minute left.

[65:11]Do-do-do-do-do-do.

[65:12]People are getting stressed out. You want to talk about

[65:15]irrational stresses, that would be me. It's like,

[65:17]uh, uh.

[65:19]And the number one

[65:21]song in Nintendo game history

[65:23]has to be the Tecmo Bowl

[65:25]theme song.

[65:26]Oh!

[65:28]So it's interesting.

[65:32]The composer for this song actually

[65:35]went and interviewed for Nintendo, and

[65:37]they heard that he was part of a band,

[65:39]and when they heard about that, they actually hired

[65:41]him to be a composer for

[65:43]a game, and he ended up being the composer for

[65:45]Tecmo Bowl. Ninja Gaidan,

[65:47]if you remember that one. Oh, yeah.

[65:49]Tecmo Super Bowl, and then something

[65:50]called Bad News Baseball. Do you guys

[65:53]remember Bad News Baseball? I remember Bad News Baseball.

[65:54]Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think so. What was Bad News Baseball?

[65:57]I couldn't tell you. It was a

[65:58]baseball game. I don't know. You called me. I don't actually

[66:01]remember Bad News Baseball. I just want to look cool, Russell.

[66:03]Come on. I might be confusing with

[66:04]baseball. It was like All-Stars

[66:06]Baseball. That was a good one, where you could climb the

[66:08]wall to make a catch. Yes.

[66:10]Yeah.

[66:11]This music is so good. I mean, for

[66:14]what they had to make a

[66:16]song sound this good.

[66:19]Hmm.

[66:19]We have all this shit, and this is the podcast we come up with.

[66:23]The Nintendo games, the songs,

[66:25]these are iconic, right? You could probably

[66:27]pick Double Dragon. You could pick Tetris

[66:29]or Zelda. There's a dozen more that would be amazing,

[66:31]but these are so iconic

[66:33]for people our age, aren't they? I want to

[66:35]add on, I think, I'm going to put in here

[66:37]the Tetris theme, and you're going to hear it in the background

[66:39]here. The Tetris theme is actually

[66:41]interesting because it's kind of a folklore

[66:43]song from this Russian artist. I don't know the

[66:45]name offhand, but it's a famous Russian

[66:47]song that got put right into the Nintendo.

[66:49]Game for Tetris. You hear it right there, right?

[66:51]We love the Tetris theme song. It sounds so

[66:53]good. And I got to say that Nintendo Switch

[66:55]now has come out with a Tetris game where you play against

[66:57]98 other people at the same time,

[66:58]and the last one to survive wins.

[67:01]And then they have a Mario game that's the same thing.

[67:03]You play against 34 other people,

[67:05]and every animal you

[67:07]kill goes to the other person. So if you kill

[67:09]Bowser, for example, the person you select

[67:11]gets Bowser on their screen, whatever level they're

[67:13]in. They could be on 1A and be going down that pipe, and

[67:15]all of a sudden, Bowser's there. It's so fucking good. Do you think

[67:17]you can identify someone as a

[67:19]serial killer in Tetris if they don't try to get

[67:21]the big four Tetrises at once?

[67:23]Like, if they just try to do one line at once?

[67:24]Do you think less of people that

[67:27]just try to get one line at once as opposed to four?

[67:29]Total psychopaths. But I will tell you,

[67:31]I have watched a lot of people on Twitch playing Tetris

[67:33]competitively, and I have made myself better.

[67:35]I've won, like, three or four games of Tetris.

[67:36]You guys gotta see me play Tetris sometimes.

[67:39]It would blow your mind how good I am at Tetris.

[67:40]It's crazy. All right.

[67:42]This is the end of Side A, and that

[67:45]brings us to our new segment,

[67:46]Who's Listening to This?

[67:48]So, who do you think is listening to this?

[67:50]I am picturing...

[67:53]I'm gonna picture... To this album or to our podcast?

[67:55]No, to the podcast.

[67:56]I know it's just people that are friends with Matt's family.

[67:58]Either way, the answer is...

[67:59]Middle-aged women who've got a couple kids

[68:02]and they're knitting on their couch.

[68:04]Do you pronounce it lemon bars?

[68:06]Then you probably do listen to our podcast.

[68:09]You'd love it.

[68:09]Bars?

[68:11]Bars?

[68:13]That's to no one in particular.

[68:16]But here's the thing.

[68:17]Who do you think is...

[68:18]listening to the album Horses by Patti Smith?

[68:20]I am picturing a current-day mom again.

[68:23]This is two moms in a row,

[68:24]so I think this might be kind of messed up in the head.

[68:27]Who used to hang out at the punk scene in New York

[68:29]and now has a 12-year-old son

[68:31]who tells her that she's an idiot

[68:33]any time she pokes her head out the door.

[68:35]And she is listening to this song

[68:36]to kind of go back and think about

[68:38]how much better her life was.

[68:39]So that was a depressing segment.

[68:40]Don't know why I started.

[68:41]Russ, who do you think is listening to this album?

[68:42]I think it has to be listeners of Beck Did It Better

[68:45]that probably knit while wearing Beck Did It Better t-shirts.

[68:48]That would be my guess is who listens to this album.

[68:50]And some people would say

[68:51]that they saw those people on Instagram

[68:52]and didn't shout them out

[68:53]because they thought they were married to one of the hosts.

[68:55]And that was that person's bad, okay?

[68:57]Didn't want to be creepy on Instagram,

[68:59]but now realizes it's actually a stranger.

[69:01]So that's...

[69:02]Blame the social media manager who actually is Aaron,

[69:05]turns out.

[69:05]Aaron, who do you think is listening to this album?

[69:08]Well, I'm just going to stick with the depressing theme

[69:10]because I'm thinking of either Jonathan Larson,

[69:12]composer of Rent, Rest in Peace,

[69:14]or the lead singer of Sublime,

[69:16]who I believe has also passed.

[69:17]So those are the people

[69:18]I'm thinking of,

[69:18]and neither of them are alive.

[69:20]So just sticking with the depressing theme.

[69:22]There we go, Aaron.

[69:23]How's that Rambo French guy doing?

[69:25]Is he alive?

[69:25]I think he's also passed.

[69:28]Matt, what are you doing?

[69:29]No, that's not what I'm asking.

[69:31]Who do you listen to this album?

[69:32]Roll and go on.

[69:33]I was going to record a podcast

[69:34]and listen to Rosie talk about dead people

[69:37]and bring it down again.

[69:39]He's eating crepes in the desert

[69:40]with a machine gun

[69:41]that's sitting next to him right now.

[69:42]He's calling his wife

[69:43]to see where she went

[69:44]after he spent all day recording

[69:46]a farting and cake song

[69:47]and said,

[69:48]I can't watch the kids right now.

[69:49]I'm recording this song.

[69:50]A wee-wee?

[69:51]Matt, who's listening to this album?

[69:52]Again, this is probably

[69:55]like a Debbie Downer,

[69:56]and I'm not trying to be downer,

[69:57]but the person I absolutely picture

[70:00]listening to this

[70:01]is that maybe early 50s gal

[70:05]who was probably never married,

[70:07]had a few long-term boyfriends,

[70:09]doesn't have any kids,

[70:10]but is still hanging out at the bar

[70:11]on Wednesday nights

[70:12]and probably dressed a little more scantily.

[70:15]I was going to say,

[70:15]do you have her number for Russell?

[70:17]Probably dressed a little too scantily

[70:20]and just hammered

[70:21]and talking about the good old days

[70:23]and talking about how they met Patty Smith

[70:25]back in 1976 and 75 at the CBGB,

[70:28]and never got past that.

[70:31]I'm thinking Frenchmans and Richfield,

[70:34]maybe something along those lines.

[70:35]She sounds right up the alley

[70:37]of a guy who's only here

[70:38]to talk about 90s baseball cards today,

[70:40]so I'm up for that.

[70:42]Russ goes up to her in the bar and goes,

[70:45]have you ever been in an orgone?

[70:47]All right.

[70:49]An orgone machine.

[70:51]I have one in my house.

[70:52]All right, so that was a joke

[70:54]that died at the end of a segment that died.

[70:56]All that I came up with.

[70:57]All right, we got Kimberly.

[70:58]I thought that was a nice segment.

[71:01]This album, Horses,

[71:03]did not actually make my book Booze and Vinyl,

[71:07]so I had to go off the board today.

[71:09]And instead, I'm doing a cocktail

[71:11]called a Quarter Horse Cocktail.

[71:13]Have you guys ever had a Quarter Horse?

[71:15]No.

[71:15]It is essentially a Moscow,

[71:17]a Moscow mule with bourbon instead of vodka.

[71:19]Quarter Horse.

[71:22]Ooh, that sounds good to me.

[71:23]Bourbon and ginger beer?

[71:25]Bourbon, ginger beer, lime,

[71:28]and dashes of non-flavored bitters.

[71:32]Bitters.

[71:32]Every time I pull the bitters,

[71:36]I do that joke and my family's like,

[71:37]what are you talking about?

[71:38]This sounds like the early new wave, right?

[71:42]Which then came back with the Strokes

[71:43]and other bands like that.

[71:45]So she's just laying the groundwork for,

[71:47]when they were at CBGB's,

[71:49]they actually had that two-month residency

[71:51]at the same time as the band Television,

[71:52]which I don't think I've ever actually heard Television,

[71:56]but I assume it sounds like what you're talking about.

[71:57]I didn't like them that way,

[71:59]but when I started this,

[72:00]I realized I don't actually know what they sound like.

[72:01]Yeah, you're full of shit.

[72:02]Russell likes Marquee Moon.

[72:03]So, guys, have you ever taken a shit that's so big

[72:09]it won't flush?

[72:10]Break it up.

[72:11]I once went into a restaurant in the village

[72:16]and there was a big lawn chair.

[72:17]There was a long pair of tongs in the bathroom.

[72:18]And then I went back out and I was like,

[72:20]do I tell anybody at my table

[72:22]that there's a huge pair of tongs

[72:23]in the men's room of this restaurant?

[72:24]I did not, but I did take a picture

[72:26]and post it to Facebook.

[72:27]So the people eating with me later

[72:29]saw that picture on Facebook

[72:30]and were like, what the fuck?

[72:31]That was in the bathroom?

[72:32]You didn't tell us.

[72:32]I don't know if I should tell this story.

[72:35]This, Aaron might remember this.

[72:36]Our freshman dorm,

[72:37]the last week before everyone moved out.

[72:40]Aaron, you know what I'm about to say, right?

[72:42]I do.

[72:42]Yep, I do.

[72:43]So everyone was moving out.

[72:44]So all these parents came to the dorm

[72:46]and were picking.

[72:47]Picking people up and helping them leave

[72:48]or whatever, packing up their stuff.

[72:50]And some parent took a dump

[72:53]in our floor's bathroom

[72:55]and it wouldn't flush.

[72:56]And it turned into like this whole spectacle.

[72:58]It was like the eighth wonder of the world.

[73:00]And all these people kept coming in there

[73:02]staring at it, flushing, flushing,

[73:04]and it wouldn't go anywhere.

[73:05]It just sat there like a brick.

[73:08]And we're like, hey, break it up!

[73:11]And Aaron's in there singing,

[73:14]break it up!

[73:17]There's so many other stories to tell.

[73:18]Did I ever tell you my funny dorm story with Jenny?

[73:21]Where we, I was taking-

[73:23]You have a funny dorm story, that's it?

[73:24]Jenny-

[73:25]No one?

[73:25]No, no, no.

[73:26]This was like four years after college.

[73:29]I was taking a graduate course at Hamlin

[73:32]where I had to go live there for like two weeks

[73:33]and take this intensive physics course to get my license.

[73:36]Jenny was like seven months pregnant.

[73:39]Your physics license?

[73:40]With our first child.

[73:41]And so I was in this dorm room.

[73:42]So she came at the end of the course.

[73:44]And of course we were then,

[73:46]like on a Sunday or whatever,

[73:48]when we were moving out,

[73:49]we were both naked in this bed

[73:51]because it was super hot.

[73:52]Like, you know,

[73:52]we were just lying there in the bed.

[73:54]And all of a sudden I hear this noise

[73:58]and it's the handle turning.

[73:59]I'm like, what the hell?

[74:00]And it's an RA and he opens the door

[74:04]and he's bringing the parents on a tour of the dorm.

[74:06]And this is the one room he's decided to open.

[74:10]It's me, you know, 30 years old or whatever

[74:13]on the bed with my super pregnant naked wife.

[74:16]He goes, and of course he's like 10 years younger than me.

[74:20]You know, he's like, what are you doing here?

[74:22]And I was like, I don't know.

[74:23]We're like leaving.

[74:24]Like, what are you going to do to me?

[74:25]Like I'm done with the guys.

[74:26]Well, he's the RA.

[74:27]He's going to say, break it up.

[74:29]Break it up.

[74:30]Break it up.

[74:31]I'm like, she's already pregnant.

[74:33]This has already gone too far.

[74:35]Like there's nothing we can do about this.

[74:36]Like just like Prometheus,

[74:39]that RA stood over you guys singing, break it up.

[74:43]All right.

[74:45]So now we've got,

[74:46]we've got a song that's often miss called Horses over and over.

[74:49]This is a song called Land.

[74:51]Oh, well, this is why it's called Horses.

[74:54]This song is an absolute jam.

[74:56]This is probably one of my favorite songs on this quest.

[75:00]The only problem with it is it,

[75:02]it's a 12 minute song or 10 minute song

[75:05]and not a four minute song where it's just this part of it.

[75:08]Do you guys like this song or not?

[75:10]Yeah, it's cool.

[75:11]The way she's, this whole album,

[75:12]she's pulling in other influences

[75:14]and then sometimes covering things directly.

[75:16]And yeah, Wilson, Wilson Pickett or who else?

[75:18]And she, and she's combining this from a character,

[75:23]Johnny from the book, Wild Boys by Burroughs.

[75:26]You guys probably don't know that

[75:27]because you're a bunch of dumb shits.

[75:27]Yeah.

[75:30]Well, you just read Rambo.

[75:31]I'm reading Burroughs, but you know, who knows?

[75:33]But she's singing about like the Watusi.

[75:35]This is this hit from like the sixties

[75:37]and she's singing about Johnny go, Johnny go.

[75:40]That's Johnny be good.

[75:41]That's Chuck Berry.

[75:42]She's referring, she's referring to all these amazing,

[75:44]you know, rock and roll artists, right?

[75:46]Right.

[75:46]She knew her shit.

[75:46]Yeah.

[75:47]She was a student of music, right?

[75:48]And I got to say,

[75:50]I hate to talk about the Carole King album again,

[75:52]but this really illustrates the difference

[75:54]between this Patti Smith and the Carole King album.

[75:57]I mean, this, this album is like textured and layers.

[76:00]And it's like,

[76:01]you never know what you're getting with the next song.

[76:03]It's really interesting.

[76:04]It's a two minute song.

[76:04]It's a 10 minute song.

[76:06]And yeah, yeah.

[76:07]Like it's, am I going to listen to this album a ton after this?

[76:09]Probably not, but you can see why this album's on the list.

[76:12]Like it's super influential.

[76:13]I just think it's so interesting.

[76:14]Yeah.

[76:15]The sound is way more fun.

[76:16]You're right.

[76:16]It made me think,

[76:17]I wonder if Beck's ever done songs about horses before.

[76:20]And it turns out that he has.

[76:21]And check out this song.

[76:22]This was Iron Horse.

[76:23]Beck did this in 2011.

[76:25]And I think he created it for this show.

[76:27]You guys remember Hell on Wheels?

[76:29]No.

[76:30]No.

[76:32]It was an AMC show.

[76:34]And this is part of the Hell on Wheels intro,

[76:36]but this is Beck doing his version of horses,

[76:39]if you will.

[76:39]Beck's done everything, guys.

[76:40]We pick like the number one guy to do a podcast,

[76:43]like with his name in the title.

[76:45]He's done everything.

[76:45]Absolutely.

[76:46]He's done absolutely everything.

[76:46]We're so smart.

[76:48]It's a good song, isn't it?

[76:49]Yeah, I like it.

[76:51]So when it comes to songs about horses

[76:53]that are less than 10 minutes long,

[76:55]who does it better?

[76:56]Beck does it better.

[76:59]I should probably have a drop where I say that instead of,

[77:02]you know, guys, we're to the last song,

[77:04]and I've noticed that somebody has been pretty darn quiet.

[77:07]A little quiet.

[77:08]Hey, Matt, what are you doing in there?

[77:10]Why is it so quiet?

[77:13]It's time to get Matt's opinion on the album.

[77:16]Oh, yeah.

[77:18]Oh, yeah.

[77:19]You know, just great timing again,

[77:23]because we're going to play the last song,

[77:24]and then we're going to go to our...

[77:26]We're going to have to hear Matt twice within 12 minutes.

[77:30]It's going to be a fucking outrage.

[77:30]Matt already did all the work, man.

[77:31]He wrote the opener.

[77:32]He wrote the...

[77:33]Famous rating system where, you know,

[77:35]I can't just give him my opinion there,

[77:36]but okay, I'll give it here.

[77:37]I think, and I heard this,

[77:39]and I'm stealing this from the jazz docu-series that I watch,

[77:43]that there are artists who,

[77:46]they make albums because they're great live,

[77:50]and then there's also artists who have to play live

[77:53]because they make great albums.

[77:55]Does that make sense?

[77:56]Oh, yeah.

[77:56]So there's people who are great at playing live, right?

[78:00]And so then you've got an album,

[78:01]and they could care less about the album,

[78:03]and so, I don't know.

[78:06]Then you've got people who are so good at creating albums

[78:08]that, you know, the demand's there to have a concert,

[78:10]so then they go, but they're not that great live.

[78:12]So I personally think, like, The Killers,

[78:15]they make great albums,

[78:16]not so great live.

[78:17]So with this, I think Patti Smith was so great live,

[78:21]and this is how, this is my interpretation, I don't know,

[78:24]that when I'm listening to these songs,

[78:26]I'm trying to picture, like, hearing them at the CBGB,

[78:29]and, like, I just, I don't think the album can do it justice.

[78:33]You know, I don't think that the,

[78:35]the production quality's there to make it that,

[78:39]and so while I think, I completely respect

[78:42]and understand Patti Smith's place in life,

[78:46]you know, the album just, it's not all that great to me,

[78:48]because I just, I think it would be so much better

[78:50]to hear her live and at the CBGB,

[78:53]and so, again, I can't do that.

[78:54]I guess we could go see her sometime now,

[78:57]but back in this, in this time,

[78:58]so, I don't know, I just, the album,

[79:01]it's kind of all over the place to me,

[79:04]and, you know, the songs, they are,

[79:05]it's like sampling 9,000 things at one,

[79:08]bringing it in and making its own,

[79:10]its own sound, which is great,

[79:13]and it's kind of that 1970s New York sound,

[79:16]so, overall, I mean, it's great,

[79:18]and I think it's great.

[79:19]It's just, it's so wild to me,

[79:20]and it's so, it's hard to kind of wrangle it in

[79:23]to say, like, this is a great album album,

[79:26]if that makes sense.

[79:27]Okay, well, save that all for after this segment, too.

[79:30]I mean, it does, it definitely,

[79:36]you're 100% right, man.

[79:37]Yeah, it's so smart.

[79:38]It makes you feel like, God,

[79:39]if I could be in New York on a sweaty night,

[79:43]where it was, like, cold outside,

[79:44]but sweaty inside,

[79:45]in February 1974,

[79:47]where this album hasn't come out yet,

[79:48]and she plays some rockers,

[79:50]and then she breaks it down to do Birdland,

[79:52]and it's slow, and it's intense,

[79:54]and maybe you go get a drink,

[79:55]and then you think, like,

[79:56]oh, my God, what did she just say?

[79:57]Like, totally, the live experience

[79:59]would have been next level.

[80:01]You know what would also be fun,

[80:02]if you come to New York,

[80:02]is to sit in my apartment on a Friday night

[80:04]and crush a tall boy of Bud Black Cherry Seltzer,

[80:07]okay, and not realize that

[80:09]that is actually quite a bit of alcohol

[80:11]to have in a very late nighttime,

[80:12]so that's a cool thing you can do in New York, too,

[80:14]and wait until Saturday,

[80:15]when it's drag bingo night.

[80:17]All right, so.

[80:18]Just go right downstairs to the Duane Reade

[80:20]and grab yourself a Bud Seltzer.

[80:21]Matt had mentioned her,

[80:23]Patti Smith, as a live performer,

[80:25]and a really interesting thing,

[80:26]I didn't get to this and Beck did it better,

[80:28]but did you get,

[80:30]so when Tom Petty died,

[80:31]the Heartbreakers, the band,

[80:33]the first concert they ever did as a band

[80:35]was kind of a charity event,

[80:38]and the people that sang with them

[80:41]were Beck and Patti Smith,

[80:43]and when you listen to Patti Smith

[80:45]playing live with the Heartbreakers,

[80:47]it is really, really badass.

[80:49]It gives you chills,

[80:50]so when Matt's talking about her live performances,

[80:53]people need to go check out

[80:54]Patti Smith playing live

[80:56]because of the night with the Heartbreakers,

[80:58]and it is badass.

[80:59]Well, guess what, Russell?

[81:00]As much as I hate to do this to myself in the future,

[81:03]sorry, Rob, future Rob,

[81:04]fuck you, as I've done for the last four years,

[81:06]you're going to hear that song in the background right now.

[81:09]All right, so we're going to get,

[81:12]you know, my kid the other day came up to me and said,

[81:14]Dad, how do I spell leg?

[81:15]And I was like, oh, L-E-G, L-E-G.

[81:18]All right, so before we do that, though,

[81:20]I want to play this clip from Jimi Hendrix,

[81:22]Are You Experienced?

[81:23]Which is coming up, by the way, in a couple of albums.

[81:27]Can't wait.

[81:28]Listen to the lyrics.

[81:30]So this song, L-E-G, was actually a kind of a song

[81:40]to these musicians who had just,

[81:43]who had died four years before Jimi Hendrix.

[81:45]I mean, that's what you're saying, right,

[81:54]is that they're pulling in,

[81:55]she's pulling in this stuff from all over the place

[81:57]on this album.

[81:58]I mean, it's incredible.

[81:59]Yeah, she's really sort of in tune with,

[82:01]she's vibrating with the universe

[82:03]and just bringing in ideas from everywhere.

[82:05]It's really, really impressive.

[82:06]Or sad.

[82:09]What a way to end the album.

[82:10]Listen to this.

[82:11]I mean, these are literally the last notes

[82:13]of the album right here.

[82:13]Mm.

[82:15]I got a fuckin' maroney.

[82:18]I don't think she said fuckin' maroney in the song,

[82:20]but I thought that was a good way to end.

[82:22]I headed off to Lauren's Maroney.

[82:24]Yeah, yeah.

[82:26]I get my sandwich with bologna.

[82:28]After I touch down, he does the twist.

[82:31]My favorite pizza has pepperoni.

[82:35]Okay.

[82:38]I was gonna go with a different way with the pepperonis,

[82:41]but I gotta keep it above board for this.

[82:44]Oh, wow.

[82:44]This is why we do this.

[82:45]We don't let Matt talk in the second half of the podcast.

[82:47]And we know what happened last time

[82:49]we talked about pepperoni.

[82:50]That's why I'm gonna start calling him a penis.

[82:51]All right.

[82:52]So let's get into everybody's favorite segment.

[82:55]I keep forgetting that's in this thing.

[82:59]Who did you poll to make sure that this was in his favor?

[83:06]Well, I polled everybody in my apartment.

[83:11]And, you know, 25%.

[83:14]That's kind of everybody.

[83:15]But it was like by age, too.

[83:17]I weighted it by age and by if you're a guy.

[83:19]All right.

[83:20]So all the guys in my apartment love this segment.

[83:23]They think it's great.

[83:24]So let's get into the rating system.

[83:30]Here's the rating system.

[83:31]And this is very simple.

[83:32]Now, I listened to my rating system from last week.

[83:34]I made it a little complicated,

[83:35]so I'm gonna simplify it for you.

[83:36]Is this rolling well-toned?

[83:38]That means that this album should be 26th on the list.

[83:42]It's the 26th greatest album of all time.

[83:44]Is that good?

[83:44]Was it well-toned?

[83:45]Well-toned is just where it should be.

[83:47]It should be at 26.

[83:48]Did this album get rolling boned on this list?

[83:51]Okay.

[83:51]It shouldn't be 26.

[83:52]It should be 25, 24.

[83:53]So it should actually be higher up on the list,

[83:56]which is a lower number.

[83:57]But if you are reading the list vertical,

[83:58]it's higher up.

[83:59]But as I've stated before,

[84:00]the Rolling Stone list actually goes down on their website

[84:02]because it's probably the worst website

[84:04]in the entire history of the internet.

[84:06]Or is this album a rolling groan?

[84:08]You didn't like hearing it.

[84:09]It shouldn't be 26.

[84:10]It should be 27 or below.

[84:12]What do we think about Horses by Patty?

[84:15]Smith.

[84:16]Russell, what do you think?

[84:17]This was an interesting album.

[84:20]I think for me, when I listened to it,

[84:23]I really enjoyed parts of it,

[84:24]and I really disliked parts of it.

[84:25]To me, it had the highest of the highs

[84:27]and the lowest of the lows.

[84:28]There were some songs that I really enjoyed.

[84:30]The opening song, Gloria, was awesome.

[84:32]Redondo Beach was fun.

[84:34]I liked part of that Horses song,

[84:36]but there's 10 minutes where I can't handle some of it.

[84:39]So to me, there were too many highs,

[84:41]too many lows.

[84:42]So I'm going to say it is slightly

[84:45]rolling groan, but there are

[84:47]pretty awesome parts, so I'll say

[84:49]slightly rolling groan.

[84:50]Matt, I'm not going to forget about you this time.

[84:52]What do you think? Is this a rolling well-toned?

[84:55]That means it's right where it should be.

[84:56]Is it a rolling boned?

[84:57]It means that it's in the wrong place.

[85:00]Or is it a rolling groan?

[85:01]That also means it's in the wrong place

[85:02]because I confused myself.

[85:03]How do I talk about this album?

[85:07]There's artists, and I'm taking this from

[85:09]the jazz series I listen to.

[85:11]There's artists who play live

[85:15]because they've got good albums.

[85:17]But you know, Matt, what I've noticed, too,

[85:19]is that there's artists who have albums

[85:21]because they play live.

[85:22]I wasn't listening.

[85:22]They play live, yeah.

[85:23]All right, I'm kidding.

[85:26]This one's hard because it goes with the

[85:29]how do you judge this against

[85:32]Amy Winehouse

[85:34]versus D'Angelo

[85:36]versus Wu-Tang? I don't know.

[85:37]So I kind of put it against the

[85:39]monstrous female artists

[85:42]of the era, if you will.

[85:44]I don't think they refer to them.

[85:45]They refer to themselves as the monstrous female artists.

[85:47]Well, they were

[85:48]putting out bangers, let's just say that.

[85:51]So I think...

[85:53]Not helping your cause.

[85:54]Well, let's just say...

[85:57]I'm trying to think of something else.

[85:58]I was trying to keep going down that road, but okay.

[86:01]I'll take the hint, Rosie.

[86:03]I mean, monstrous bangers.

[86:06]That's what I'm going to start calling my penis.

[86:07]All right.

[86:08]That's it, though.

[86:09]I think I certainly enjoyed

[86:13]this album better than Carole King's

[86:15]Tapestry.

[86:16]So I put it ahead of that, but

[86:18]where does it fit? I'm just going to go

[86:21]pretty neutral here and say it was

[86:23]rolling well-toned. I mean, it feels

[86:25]like it's a top 50 album

[86:27]of all time, and so in the grand

[86:29]scheme of things, I think it's probably

[86:31]slotted pretty darn well. So I'm going to go

[86:33]rolling well-toned. Aaron, what do you think?

[86:35]This is another album that

[86:37]I'm pretty sure I'm not going

[86:39]to listen to much, if at

[86:41]all, after we discuss

[86:43]it, but I'm...

[86:45]I'm really

[86:46]intrigued by it, and its existence

[86:49]is important, and

[86:51]I'm with Matt. This inspired

[86:53]too many people

[86:55]to not be where it is,

[86:57]and so

[86:59]I'm going to give my rating, knowing

[87:01]full well that I'm about to give a rolling bone

[87:03]to about 10 albums in the next

[87:05]25, but I'm going to call this one

[87:07]rolling well-toned, and I'm not going to be called out

[87:09]for which ones I would have

[87:11]put over the top of this one when I start rolling

[87:13]boning the rest of the albums in the

[87:15]top 35.

[87:16]Oh, I promised myself I wouldn't pay the sound

[87:19]clip again, but that rolling bone is just so tempting,

[87:21]but you know what?

[87:21]I'm a new Rob. I'm turning over a new leaf.

[87:25]New Rob. He's a new Rob. The Bud Seltzer

[87:27]is starting to wear off, and I've realized mistakes I've made in the past.

[87:29]All right, so I'm going to give this

[87:30]a rolling poem, okay?

[87:33]Because I have decided, you guys have inspired me,

[87:35]I am going to write some poetry, and I'm going to get famous.

[87:37]Play some poetry music

[87:39]in the background.

[87:39]There once was a man in Manhattan

[87:42]who made poetry whose

[87:45]poetry he wanted to happen.

[87:46]He took his sweet time, and he made up some rhyme.

[87:49]He was saving up his energy from

[87:51]orgasms.

[87:51]Isn't that just a limerick?

[87:54]It's not really a poem. Combine that shit with

[87:56]Sitting on the Dock of the Bay, you've got a Patti Smith album.

[87:59]Boom. Brown it. Thank you.

[88:00]That was haiku. I'm going to put that with

[88:02]Dock of the Bay. Oh my God, that's going to sound so good.

[88:04]That was not a haiku, first of all. It was a limerick.

[88:06]Second of all, it's poetry, okay?

[88:08]Have you guys ever read Rambone?

[88:10]I'm not going to allow you to be the poet on my next

[88:12]dating app. I'm taking it back. You're not being my poet.

[88:15]Listen, I don't know.

[88:18]I've never actually heard of this album.

[88:20]The next album we have coming up is somebody called

[88:22]the Wu-Tang Clan.

[88:24]Guys, I have to make

[88:28]I have to admit something again.

[88:31]I have never heard any songs by the Wu-Tang

[88:35]and I've never heard this album.

[88:36]So once again, I just hope

[88:39]there's not too many sexual references or things

[88:41]that are going to make me laugh in there.

[88:45]What a terrible way to end the podcast.

[88:47]God, that was dumb as shit when I said that.

[88:49]I just don't want to hear about any sexual references.

[88:51]Let me murmur something dumb into the microphone

[88:54]at the end of the podcast.

[88:55]What a fucking summary of this goddamn piece of shit.

[88:59]Here's the main host.

[89:00]Back did it better.

[89:05]I have to admit,

[89:07]this whole time I was so disappointed.

[89:09]Aaron's Davenport of Love, I thought for sure

[89:11]his final ranking would be about how

[89:13]it knows how to pony and do the

[89:15]rolling bony maroney.

[89:16]Aaron's got a small dick.

[89:23]That's what I'm going to start calling him a penis.

[89:25]Oh, right.

[89:25]Rob's right.

[89:27]How dare someone else try to get in there

[89:31]with an energy joke.