Steely Dan: Aja (1977)

[00:00]In 2020, four friends decided to listen to every one of the greatest 500 albums decided by Rolling Stone magazine.

[00:21]This resulted in a text chain that celebrated the music, excoriated the order, and left us to make this podcast.

[00:28]We are far from experts, and we promise to do almost no research.

[00:31]Please sit back and enjoy Beck Did It Better.

[00:34]From 1987. Is that true? No, this is 1977.

[00:38]From 1977, this is album 63, Asia by Steely Dan.

[00:44]Guys, have you ever written a song to open and then you can't remember what it was about, so you can't remember what to do an intro on?

[00:51]Let me think. Oh, I know this. Hey, you know what?

[00:53]Last week, I felt bad doing the edits. You know why?

[00:56]Why?

[00:56]I told a joke.

[00:58]And you guys didn't laugh at it.

[00:59]We didn't.

[01:00]And it turns out this is a real.

[01:01]Yeah, I know. It's crazy.

[01:03]Wait, what week was the joke told again?

[01:05]I think last week, but I did edit it out.

[01:08]You'll never hear it.

[01:09]Any bad joke I have gets gone.

[01:11]I decided, hey, why not make a song about it and send it to my favorite radio station, K-Rob.

[01:15]What's up, everybody? Welcome to K-Rob.

[01:17]K-R-O-B.

[01:19]Listen, this is your buddy, Wolfman Rob.

[01:21]The Wolfman.

[01:23]We're talking about how sometimes when you tell a joke on a podcast and you look at your three co-hosts,

[01:27]they just look back stone-faced and don't give any emotion at all.

[01:30]In that case, you've got to go back to old faithful, laughing at your own joke.

[01:35]Oh, yeah.

[01:37]I've got a good joke.

[01:39]Ooh.

[01:40]And I really love it.

[01:43]We're going to laugh at this song or not?

[01:46]I think it's so funny.

[01:48]Yes.

[01:49]I'm sure the guys will agree.

[01:52]But then nobody's laughing.

[01:57]So you know I've got to sell it hard.

[02:00]Oh.

[02:01]So I start fake laughing.

[02:03]Start fake laughing.

[02:05]I hope it makes it better.

[02:08]Yes.

[02:09]These guys are a bunch of fools.

[02:13]Yeah. Wait, what?

[02:14]Not laughing is so cruel.

[02:17]But then I know I'll make it better.

[02:21]I'll fix it in the edit.

[02:24]True.

[02:27]♪ Laugh, laugh at my jokes, you fools ♪

[02:31]♪ Laugh, sometimes I do the same for you ♪

[02:36]♪ In the past, I've edited an errand's laugh ♪

[02:39]♪ Now the audience, they love me more than you ♪

[02:45]I put room there to laugh at the end before I play this.

[02:48]♪ When you want to hear about the greatest albums of all time ♪

[02:52]Rob, I think your singing's getting better.

[02:54]You're exercising your voice.

[02:55]I think it's getting better.

[02:57]Yeah, I kick ass at singing, too.

[02:59]I'm a good host.

[03:00]I'm a good singer.

[03:00]Well, that's, you know, my nickname in high school.

[03:04]Thick Dick.

[03:05]The complete package, you know.

[03:07]Thick Dick was college.

[03:09]The complete package?

[03:10]You know that story, right?

[03:12]Where when my wife went to medical school,

[03:14]I told all of her medical school friends

[03:15]that my nickname in college had been Thick Dick.

[03:17]Yeah?

[03:18]Yeah.

[03:19]That's what we were talking about.

[03:20]Yeah, I know.

[03:22]I didn't know if I said it on the podcast.

[03:24]But you were called the complete package,

[03:26]like the total package.

[03:27]The total package Lex Luger, or what?

[03:28]Yeah, exactly.

[03:29]That was me in high school.

[03:30]Okay, and don't ask anybody who knew me in high school.

[03:33]They probably wouldn't remember.

[03:33]Okay?

[03:34]Nicknames were not a big thing in my school.

[03:37]It was more about being a model and a genius.

[03:40]And that was the school it was.

[03:41]And it also got erased from the internet,

[03:43]so don't try to look it up.

[03:44]All right, everybody.

[03:45]This is Beck Did It Better.

[03:46]We talk about the greatest 500 albums

[03:48]as listed by Rolling Stone Magazine.

[03:50]Folks, today we are talking about Steely Dan.

[03:53]You know what?

[03:54]Steely Dan, more like Feel These Gams.

[03:57]Aaron, that was not worth the time

[03:59]you took to text it to me today.

[04:00]That's very good.

[04:01]Russell in Minnesota.

[04:02]Russell, how are you doing?

[04:03]Guys, when it comes to drinks,

[04:05]you all call me a fool.

[04:06]You say my cocktail is a crazy scheme.

[04:08]Well, my content on the podcast today,

[04:10]it's for real.

[04:11]And it may involve my leftover whipping cream.

[04:14]Oh!

[04:15]Oh, God.

[04:16]Okay, well.

[04:18]So if you've got kids in the car,

[04:20]I would recommend turning this off immediately.

[04:23]Okay?

[04:24]Turning it up.

[04:25]Sarah, that's for you.

[04:27]For you, yeah.

[04:28]You know, we're talking about Steely Dan,

[04:31]more like Feel These Gams.

[04:32]Okay, I'm going to try again.

[04:34]I think that joke was actually really good.

[04:36]Okay?

[04:36]Okay, I got Matt in Minneapolis.

[04:38]Matt, how are you doing?

[04:39]Great, Rob.

[04:40]Thanks for having me.

[04:41]Guys, Steely Dan utilized over 40 studio musicians

[04:45]and kind of utilized their strengths.

[04:47]I cannot believe they wouldn't have more trust

[04:50]in their bandmates to deliver on what they do.

[04:52]And that's what...

[04:53]Aaron, can you tell me a funny joke right now?

[04:54]I've got Aaron.

[04:57]In California.

[04:57]Aaron, how are you doing today?

[04:58]I was going to suggest that we make love

[05:00]to these listeners languid and bittersweet.

[05:02]Maybe that's not funny, though.

[05:03]I thought it was pretty good.

[05:06]That was pretty good, Rosie.

[05:07]I like that.

[05:08]Listen, I sold it with a laugh.

[05:09]I don't know what else I got to do.

[05:10]All right, listen, folks.

[05:12]We got to...

[05:13]I'm telling you.

[05:14]We've got a full mailbag today.

[05:17]So we've got a couple messages

[05:18]we're going to go through.

[05:18]So stupid.

[05:19]I could kiss my ass.

[05:21]Dumb shit listeners.

[05:22]They can't even tell what we're doing.

[05:23]So like 10.30 a.m. Central,

[05:25]that's like a perfect time.

[05:27]I'm going to text it in the backslide.

[05:28]It's a perfect time.

[05:29]I love getting it.

[05:30]What is the backslide, Rob?

[05:31]802-277-BECK.

[05:34]That's 802-277-2325.

[05:36]Hey, guys.

[05:39]Little Rosie here.

[05:40]Just to weigh in on the sock fest debate.

[05:43]Rob was definitely insinuating

[05:45]that he was aroused

[05:46]by someone removing his socks.

[05:48]That is definitely weird.

[05:49]But if you're shocked by that,

[05:51]that's on you.

[05:52]I've met Rob maybe two times in real life.

[05:54]And hearing him say that he's aroused

[05:56]by someone taking...

[05:56]Taking off his own socks.

[05:58]That was like hearing him say

[06:00]that he liked toast or some shit.

[06:01]So that's on you for being shocked about it.

[06:03]But yeah, it's really weird.

[06:05]Thank you, little Rosie,

[06:06]for coming into my defense, question mark.

[06:08]I mean, it started off so well.

[06:09]On brand.

[06:10]Yeah, he's like,

[06:10]he's like,

[06:11]hey, he was aroused

[06:13]by people taking his socks off.

[06:14]No, I'm not.

[06:15]Okay, first of all,

[06:15]I was talking about my kids doing it.

[06:17]That does not arouse me.

[06:18]Okay, second of all,

[06:19]that's not...

[06:19]You could hear it in your voice, Rob.

[06:21]You could hear it in your voice.

[06:21]You could tell.

[06:22]If you showed up to a fuck fest

[06:24]and there was a list of instructions

[06:26]on the wall,

[06:26]and instruction number one is

[06:28]turn to your neighbor,

[06:29]ask them to take off your socks.

[06:30]Come on.

[06:31]Rock hard erection right there, Rob.

[06:33]Like, there's no...

[06:34]Oh, yeah, that would be pretty great.

[06:36]I gotta say.

[06:36]Boy, get Aaron out of the garage

[06:40]and he turns filthy.

[06:41]When everybody turns to the right,

[06:42]then you're going to be

[06:43]getting your socks taken off

[06:44]while you take somebody's socks off.

[06:46]Oh, it's the London Bridge

[06:47]of taking off socks.

[06:47]That is dirty, Aaron.

[06:49]I love it.

[06:49]Everybody...

[06:51]It's a circle sock takeoff.

[06:52]That's what we called that

[06:53]in high school.

[06:53]Rob, why do you think socks

[06:55]need to be part of the fuck fest?

[06:56]Are you looking like...

[06:57]Are you going to, like,

[06:58]a higher class event?

[06:59]Or why do you think

[07:00]there need to be socks?

[07:01]Guys...

[07:03]Is it lounge casual or what?

[07:04]I maybe should let our next voicemail

[07:06]actually answer that question

[07:08]because it is, once again,

[07:09]about socks and fucks.

[07:09]Why are they called Little Rosie?

[07:11]I don't know.

[07:12]I never get that.

[07:13]No one ever knows that.

[07:14]It's just going around.

[07:15]Gotta disagree with the R.

[07:16]Comedy shows are a great first date

[07:19]because it's all about

[07:20]getting the woman feeling like

[07:22]she had a good time with you.

[07:23]She won't remember that

[07:25]it was the comedian that

[07:26]made her laugh more than you did.

[07:28]She's just gonna remember

[07:29]she had fun with you.

[07:31]Plus, one time at a show,

[07:32]Chris Farley's brother

[07:34]saw me on a date

[07:35]and the way the woman

[07:36]was touching me and said,

[07:37]Dude, you're getting laid tonight

[07:39]and he was right.

[07:40]Not gonna lie.

[07:41]The whole time we were doing it,

[07:43]I kept thinking this is going

[07:45]to make a great story.

[07:46]I finally got a chance

[07:50]to tell it on this podcast.

[07:52]Just waiting.

[07:53]Just waiting to hear that story

[07:54]for years.

[07:55]Chris Farley's brother

[07:56]Wait, so it's Chris Farley's

[07:57]brother, right?

[07:58]Chris Farley's brother said,

[07:59]Dude, you're going to get laid.

[08:00]And then he did.

[08:01]And the whole time

[08:02]that he's banging away,

[08:03]he's like,

[08:03]this is going to make a great story.

[08:05]It's going to be a great story.

[08:06]That does sound like me

[08:07]in the podcast, though.

[08:08]We're like, I'll be doing

[08:09]something interesting

[08:09]and something funny will happen

[08:10]and I'll take out my phone

[08:11]and write down notes.

[08:12]Everybody's like,

[08:13]what are you doing?

[08:13]I'm like, oh, nothing.

[08:14]I'm too embarrassed to tell him

[08:15]what I'm doing is writing down

[08:16]maybe a funny story.

[08:17]Funny story, question mark

[08:18]for the podcast.

[08:19]It's like, yeah,

[08:20]your other notes say

[08:20]TP and refrigerator,

[08:22]question mark.

[08:22]What is this podcast?

[08:24]I was thinking about

[08:25]Chris Farley's brother

[08:26]and doing it.

[08:27]Just making a note.

[08:28]But so they're saying

[08:30]they're saying the woman's

[08:31]not going to even know

[08:32]or your date's not going

[08:32]to even know whether you

[08:33]caused them to have a good time

[08:35]or someone else did.

[08:35]As long as there is a good time

[08:37]had, you will benefit from it.

[08:38]Right.

[08:39]They're associating

[08:40]a good time with you.

[08:41]I just can't.

[08:43]I can't imagine having sex

[08:44]after going out for the night.

[08:46]That's a good point.

[08:48]The problem is you have to be

[08:49]such a good sport, though.

[08:51]If the comedian like

[08:52]decides to pick on you.

[08:53]Yeah.

[08:54]You know, you have to.

[08:55]I mean, like that's

[08:56]I could see myself

[08:57]just getting dead red,

[08:58]like just shut the fuck up.

[09:00]That kind of thing.

[09:01]You know what I mean?

[09:02]Like, but if you do that

[09:03]on like a first date,

[09:04]I mean, that's the end

[09:05]of the date.

[09:05]There's no more date

[09:06]and definitely that kind of thing.

[09:08]So you have to be a good sport

[09:09]and you have to roll with it.

[09:10]And that's that's the danger in it.

[09:12]Matt, how how long

[09:13]would you need to go

[09:14]in your relationship

[09:15]with your wife where you

[09:16]could have told a comic

[09:17]to fuck off if he was

[09:18]picking on you like a month

[09:19]in six months in a year?

[09:21]How long?

[09:22]Did you have to date

[09:22]your wife where you would

[09:23]have felt comfortable

[09:24]telling a comic?

[09:24]See, the problem is Sarah

[09:26]and I, we knew each other

[09:27]for a long time

[09:28]before we started dating.

[09:29]And so I don't know.

[09:30]Like, that's where it's trouble

[09:31]because I don't know,

[09:32]like this whole first date thing

[09:33]when you just meet somebody

[09:34]and all that.

[09:35]But it probably was

[09:36]it would have to be a good

[09:38]I don't know, two,

[09:39]three months in right before

[09:40]it was like I just had

[09:42]to get that out right.

[09:43]And they do all

[09:44]your good qualities

[09:44]because if you go dive

[09:46]it in with that date one,

[09:47]I mean, like that's red flags.

[09:49]You know, this kid,

[09:50]how is this guy going

[09:51]to be with?

[09:52]And how is he?

[09:52]Am I going to introduce

[09:53]my mom to this guy?

[09:54]Things like that.

[09:55]And so I did get in trouble

[09:57]once for booing people

[09:58]at a musical theater show.

[09:59]So that one was

[10:00]that didn't go over well.

[10:01]That was but he was bad.

[10:03]I paid money for that.

[10:04]Yeah, it was a musical theater show

[10:06]because we know how you feel

[10:07]about booing the villain.

[10:08]No, this was actual booing.

[10:09]No, I do.

[10:10]I like I think I think

[10:11]booing the villain

[10:12]is a sign of respect,

[10:13]like booing King George

[10:14]and Hamilton,

[10:14]as we talked about.

[10:15]But you just respect

[10:16]you just booed a bad performance.

[10:17]Yeah, yeah.

[10:19]It was like, what did he do?

[10:20]You know, I'll be honest.

[10:21]What do you mean?

[10:21]It was personal because I don't interrupt.

[10:24]Let's this is not personal, guys.

[10:26]Guys, just let you know

[10:27]I am booing, but this is for my job.

[10:28]This is not personal.

[10:29]This is business.

[10:30]Yeah, but listen, you guys,

[10:31]you guys have thought about this.

[10:32]I jumped over you guys

[10:34]for for interrupting Aaron.

[10:35]If you guys would just let Aaron breathe,

[10:37]just let him tell his whole story.

[10:39]He's going somewhere.

[10:40]You guys have no idea

[10:42]where he's going,

[10:42]but it always leads to Rob

[10:44]putting his hands in the air

[10:45]saying, what the fuck?

[10:45]So just let your story breathe.

[10:47]All right.

[10:47]OK, yeah, I'm not going to name names

[10:50]because I'm not that petty.

[10:51]But it was a guy who who there was

[10:54]there's a lot of in the Twin Cities.

[10:55]There are actors who are also impresarios

[10:58]who like have the the power

[11:00]to put on a show.

[11:01]And I had I had auditioned for this guy

[11:03]and didn't, you know, didn't get hired.

[11:05]And then I went to see him in a show.

[11:07]Yes, I think it was at Hamlin

[11:09]or Concordia College, maybe.

[11:11]And I thought he was terrible in his role.

[11:14]And I booed.

[11:15]And there were some other friends of mine

[11:17]who were in the show.

[11:18]And my wife felt like maybe

[11:19]I shouldn't be booing

[11:20]when it was my friend.

[11:21]And so which I think

[11:23]she was correct about.

[11:24]I think that that was not a great move

[11:26]on my part.

[11:27]So that one, can I just ask it?

[11:29]Did anybody look at you

[11:31]like in the audience?

[11:31]Did people turn around and be like,

[11:32]what the fuck is this guy doing?

[11:34]Booing or people?

[11:34]Were other people booing random people

[11:36]that they didn't like or what?

[11:37]No.

[11:38]And of course, no one boos in Minnesota.

[11:39]Like, that's not done.

[11:41]I mean, no.

[11:41]And like, to be honest,

[11:43]the guy wasn't that bad.

[11:44]He was probably as, you know,

[11:46]better than I would have been anyway.

[11:47]But I was, you know,

[11:48]I was holding the grudge.

[11:49]That's why he got the part.

[11:50]He wore his socks to the fuck.

[11:51]That's the best, didn't he?

[11:52]That's what I was saying.

[11:53]He wore his socks, didn't he?

[11:54]Boo socks.

[11:55]Boo that man.

[11:56]He got invited to the after party

[11:58]fuck fest and Aaron was in the,

[12:00]Aaron was in the crowd.

[12:01]So he didn't get to go

[12:02]to the after party fuck fest.

[12:03]Hey, Matt.

[12:04]Matt, strike one to you.

[12:06]That story was not that great.

[12:07]Okay.

[12:07]Gonna give that story a thumbs down.

[12:09]That's your bad story.

[12:09]Feel free to start interrupting.

[12:11]I love how Aaron,

[12:12]I love how Aaron went to a show

[12:14]at like a local college

[12:16]and that's where he booed.

[12:18]He didn't, he didn't go to like

[12:19]a Broadway show where he expected

[12:20]something amazing.

[12:21]He went to a Broadway show

[12:21]and he didn't go to a Broadway show

[12:21]and he went to something

[12:22]where they probably charged him

[12:23]like a can of soup

[12:24]to get into the door

[12:25]to watch it

[12:26]and he booed him for it.

[12:27]Yeah.

[12:28]Well, that was,

[12:29]that's where I was at at the time.

[12:30]That's why I don't go

[12:30]to that stuff anymore.

[12:31]He's getting his haircut

[12:33]at the barber college

[12:34]and then yelling at them

[12:35]when they screwed up.

[12:36]Like, I'll include you.

[12:36]I paid a whole dollar for this.

[12:38]God damn it.

[12:38]This is awful.

[12:40]I love that.

[12:43]Well, if that's not enough,

[12:44]the same text message

[12:46]a guy texted me

[12:47]half hour later.

[12:48]So obviously he was just sitting there

[12:49]listening to the show

[12:50]and then responding.

[12:50]Two backs in a day?

[12:51]Yeah.

[12:51]It's like,

[12:51]it's like the podcast.

[12:52]This guy thinks

[12:53]the podcast is a conversation with him

[12:55]so he's got to get back in.

[12:56]So this was a half hour later.

[12:57]This is one sick bastard.

[12:57]I got this text.

[12:58]Oh, definitely.

[12:59]So I have been to one fuck fest

[13:01]but I was so nervous

[13:03]I basically had to go

[13:04]full method acting

[13:05]and got into character

[13:07]by dressing as a 70s lounge lizard

[13:09]complete with doc shoes

[13:11]and no socks

[13:12]hashtag team the socks.

[13:13]P.S.

[13:14]This was just a few months

[13:16]prior to the Chris Farley's

[13:17]brother incident.

[13:18]2019 was a good year.

[13:21]Yours was a good year.

[13:21]As always,

[13:22]Magic Mike 69

[13:24]a.k.a.

[13:24]The Double M.

[13:25]Oh, there it is.

[13:26]Wow.

[13:27]The Double M

[13:29]is coming in hot

[13:30]with a fuck fest story

[13:31]that he went to

[13:32]and did not wear socks to.

[13:34]So I think that

[13:34]once again,

[13:35]our resident fact checker

[13:37]is there.

[13:38]Music Mike 69

[13:39]is in

[13:40]checking the facts

[13:40]telling us that

[13:41]the fuck fest he attended

[13:42]no socks required.

[13:43]Also out there

[13:44]getting more butt than ashtrays.

[13:45]Rob,

[13:49]what would be more creepy

[13:50]for you if you were

[13:51]That's a good joke.

[13:51]Aaron, I like this.

[13:52]If you were at a fuck fest

[13:53]sitting there

[13:54]and Magic Mike showed up

[13:55]or if Magic Mike showed up

[13:56]with no socks.

[13:57]What would be more erotic for me?

[14:01]That's a great question.

[14:02]That's a really good question

[14:03]because they're both

[14:04]they both would be super erotic.

[14:05]I like that

[14:06]the fan of our podcast

[14:08]also has been to a fuck fest

[14:09]whereas meanwhile

[14:10]all of us are like

[14:11]God damn,

[14:12]I wish we could go to a fuck fest

[14:13]when we do it.

[14:14]Like we're missing out.

[14:14]We're imagining what they're like

[14:16]and Music Mike 69 is like

[14:17]oh yeah, I went to one.

[14:18]This is right after

[14:19]I banged a girl

[14:19]after taking her to the comic shop.

[14:20]I'm just hoping to be

[14:21]made fun of by Chris Farley's brother

[14:23]at some point in my life.

[14:24]That's all I'm hoping for.

[14:25]I have not high hopes.

[14:27]I also,

[14:28]I should tell you

[14:29]I also got a text

[14:30]but it's mostly pictures

[14:31]so I'm going to share my screen here.

[14:32]They said

[14:33]I am still rocking

[14:34]the pump skates.

[14:36]So somebody sent in a picture

[14:38]of the pump hockey skates.

[14:39]They are still rocking the pump.

[14:41]Okay, the pump

[14:42]getting a lot of traction

[14:43]with the back line.

[14:44]That's got to be Barry from Burnsville.

[14:45]That's very cool.

[14:45]He's the only one that would do that.

[14:47]And then he said

[14:47]here's a picture for Aaron too.

[14:48]So he sent this picture for Aaron.

[14:50]Oh no.

[14:51]That's messed up.

[14:52]There it is.

[14:53]Yeah.

[14:54]Right there.

[14:55]And then I might as well show this.

[14:57]The same person

[14:58]also texted in a picture

[14:59]that says this.

[14:59]Russell,

[15:01]can you read that out loud for me?

[15:02]I'm not reading this.

[15:03]Breast sucking reduces breast cancer

[15:06]is the headline.

[15:07]And then below it says

[15:08]new job for Russ!

[15:09]Exclamation point.

[15:10]So I picture Russell

[15:14]working at the hospital.

[15:15]People coming in

[15:16]and Russell's just going

[15:16]Oh no.

[15:17]All right.

[15:18]Ready to get to work.

[15:19]Here we go.

[15:20]Time to save lives.

[15:21]If you want to get hired

[15:23]at the hospital

[15:24]sucking breasts

[15:25]to stop breast cancer

[15:26]please text

[15:27]or write

[15:28]802-277-BEC

[15:30]and we will try to hook you up

[15:31]with a job.

[15:32]Okay.

[15:32]Or if you think Aaron

[15:34]should not have booed.

[15:34]I want to

[15:35]how about this?

[15:35]I want to hear

[15:36]hashtag boo yes

[15:37]or hashtag boo hoo

[15:40]if you don't think

[15:41]Aaron should have booed

[15:41]hashtag boo yes

[15:42]if he should have booed.

[15:43]It was a boo hoo.

[15:44]It was a sour grapes moment.

[15:45]It's not my proudest moment.

[15:46]All right.

[15:47]So guys now

[15:48]you showed him.

[15:49]It's time.

[15:50]It's time.

[15:51]It's time for the next

[15:52]part of the podcast

[15:53]that we do

[15:54]every time we do

[15:55]this podcast

[15:56]over Halloween.

[15:57]It is time for Rob's list.

[15:59]Oh the Halloween episode.

[16:00]We have an early list.

[16:02]Yes.

[16:02]Early list.

[16:03]It is officially

[16:04]the episode for Halloween.

[16:05]Yes.

[16:06]I love Halloween songs.

[16:08]Oh let's do it.

[16:09]But this is not

[16:11]his fun list.

[16:11]This is not a happy list.

[16:12]This is a spooky

[16:14]scary list.

[16:15]I have picked

[16:16]once again

[16:16]top five

[16:17]scariest songs

[16:19]of all time.

[16:20]Yes.

[16:20]Absolutely.

[16:21]I love for Halloween.

[16:22]Feel free to play

[16:23]this podcast

[16:24]out on the porch

[16:25]while kids are coming around

[16:25]and getting candy.

[16:26]You know the one

[16:27]guarantee

[16:28]to a thing

[16:29]that's problematic

[16:29]is that the other podcast

[16:32]that's out there

[16:32]doing a podcast

[16:33]about your list

[16:34]of top five scariest songs

[16:35]is now doing an emergency episode

[16:37]about the new list

[16:38]of top five scary

[16:39]somewhere throwing

[16:42]guys out there.

[16:43]So just so mad

[16:45]that it's a new list.

[16:46]Can you imagine

[16:48]there this podcast

[16:49]squared like they're

[16:50]basing it off?

[16:51]What a pathetic.

[16:51]The breaking down

[16:54]Beck did it better

[16:54]back to the better

[16:55]after dark.

[16:56]Matt's got those

[16:58]Christmas lights

[16:58]or Halloween lights

[16:59]that change with the music.

[17:01]You know,

[17:01]the really fancy lights.

[17:02]Yeah, he's gonna have to

[17:03]reset them up

[17:04]with a whole new playlist.

[17:05]Yes.

[17:06]Well,

[17:06]reconfigure that thing.

[17:08]Guys,

[17:08]imagine this

[17:10]scary song.

[17:11]Number one,

[17:11]you're walking down

[17:13]an empty alley.

[17:14]Okay.

[17:15]And all of a sudden

[17:15]you hear this.

[17:21]Somebody named

[17:23]back to Cotta

[17:24]and D minor.

[17:25]Okay.

[17:25]This is a little

[17:26]coming at you.

[17:27]I'll be back.

[17:30]So scary.

[17:32]And also the opening

[17:33]song to what James

[17:34]Khan movie.

[17:34]Yep.

[17:36]The answer is rollerball.

[17:37]Watch it this week.

[17:38]And this,

[17:38]this is the music

[17:39]they play because it was

[17:40]free of charge

[17:41]because it is by Bach.

[17:42]So I'll give you

[17:43]that one.

[17:43]Rob, that shit's scary.

[17:44]It's terrifying.

[17:45]Yeah.

[17:46]If you,

[17:46]if you,

[17:47]if that was your ring,

[17:48]if that,

[17:48]if you were on a date,

[17:49]Russell was somebody

[17:49]and that was their ringtone.

[17:51]Yeah.

[17:52]Would she look like Elvira?

[17:53]Oh man.

[17:55]That would be awesome.

[17:59]And especially with the news

[18:01]that's come out recently

[18:02]about Elvira.

[18:03]Wait, what?

[18:03]Yeah.

[18:04]Oh yeah.

[18:04]She's in a same sex marriage.

[18:06]Polyamorous.

[18:08]I don't know.

[18:09]I've been in a same sex

[18:11]marriage for 17 years.

[18:12]We've been having the same

[18:13]sex for that long.

[18:14]Uh, all right.

[18:15]I got the doors.

[18:16]Then Aaron,

[18:17]that was a good one.

[18:17]Thanks for writing that one

[18:18]for me.

[18:18]I know.

[18:18]Okay.

[18:19]The doors.

[18:20]This is a good one.

[18:21]This is the end of the song.

[18:22]Ironically called the end.

[18:24]Let's know how scary

[18:24]this sounds.

[18:25]Oh yeah.

[18:25]This doesn't stress you out.

[18:29]Now I have to admit

[18:31]when I was making this list,

[18:32]I was going to put this first

[18:33]and I was like,

[18:34]I can't do it.

[18:35]Builds up to this.

[18:37]Wow.

[18:38]I thought it starts off

[18:42]so slow, right?

[18:43]So low and dark and slow

[18:45]that leads up to this.

[18:46]Yeah.

[18:46]I agree, man.

[18:48]It's really scary.

[18:49]Terrifying.

[18:49]Is this the end of a pocket?

[18:51]Is this Apocalypse Now or not?

[18:52]This might be, yes.

[18:54]I think the song is Apocalypse Now.

[18:56]You're absolutely right.

[18:56]Horrific.

[18:57]It is.

[18:57]Movie guy, Russ,

[18:59]coming in hot.

[19:00]Coming through.

[19:00]Okay, so good.

[19:01]So far, we all agree.

[19:02]This is a scary list.

[19:03]Next up, we have Closer

[19:05]by Nine Inch Nails.

[19:06]We haven't heard this one

[19:09]enough over the last year.

[19:10]We need a repeat, huh?

[19:11]No, this is a totally

[19:12]different song.

[19:13]Just to let you know.

[19:14]You think this one's scary though?

[19:16]I mean, creepy for sure.

[19:18]It's a creepy video.

[19:20]Again, you hear one,

[19:21]one beat of the opening

[19:22]of the song

[19:23]and you know exactly

[19:24]what it's like.

[19:24]Yep.

[19:25]And if you were on a date

[19:27]with someone

[19:28]and this was their ringtone,

[19:29]you know exactly

[19:29]what kind of night

[19:30]you're in for.

[19:30]Yep.

[19:32]What does that mean?

[19:33]Get the whips and chains out,

[19:36]Russell.

[19:36]What does that mean, Aaron?

[19:37]You're getting fucked

[19:38]like an animal, man.

[19:39]Hope you got some leather

[19:39]back of that backpack

[19:40]back there.

[19:41]Oh.

[19:41]I'm just picturing Russell

[19:48]breaking out one whip

[19:49]and she goes,

[19:50]no, I said whips.

[19:51]Whips and chains.

[19:52]You have one.

[19:52]He's like,

[19:54]and she's like,

[19:55]no, I want

[19:55]Russell breaks out his whip

[19:57]and she's like,

[19:58]that's not as big

[19:58]as other people's whips

[19:59]I've seen.

[19:59]The next song

[20:01]is,

[20:03]guys,

[20:03]this song,

[20:04]so scary.

[20:05]You're walking down an alley.

[20:06]Huh?

[20:08]What?

[20:08]What?

[20:09]It's Tubular Bells.

[20:10]Oh,

[20:11]that's kind of creepy.

[20:12]Yes, it is.

[20:14]I remember,

[20:14]what was the album

[20:15]we covered months ago

[20:16]that had Tubular Bells

[20:17]because I was going to try

[20:18]to do a Tubular Bell list,

[20:19]but this was the only song

[20:20]on it.

[20:21]You're trying to steal

[20:25]from my list.

[20:25]What song?

[20:27]Some of them did have

[20:27]Tubular Bells.

[20:28]Who was that?

[20:29]I can't remember.

[20:29]What movie is this from?

[20:30]What's the scary movie?

[20:31]Exorcist.

[20:32]Ooh.

[20:33]Oh, geez.

[20:34]That house is up for sale.

[20:36]Did you hear that?

[20:37]Is it really?

[20:39]The actual house

[20:39]where the,

[20:40]yeah,

[20:40]where the supposed

[20:41]Exorcist actually took place.

[20:42]Yeah.

[20:43]No, thanks.

[20:44]Hard pass on that one.

[20:45]Thank you.

[20:45]Do any of these movies

[20:47]ever really creep you out?

[20:48]Like,

[20:48]have you guys ever stood

[20:49]in front of the beer

[20:50]and said Candyman three times?

[20:51]Or are you afraid to do it?

[20:52]Yeah,

[20:53]I would not do that.

[20:54]I'm not.

[20:54]You wouldn't do it.

[20:55]I know.

[20:55]No.

[20:56]What's the best thing

[20:57]that happens?

[20:58]No Candyman comes?

[20:59]Forget about it.

[21:00]I don't know.

[21:00]We recently had a situation

[21:02]about that in my house

[21:03]because

[21:04]Friends of Ours.

[21:05]What?

[21:05]A Candyman situation?

[21:06]Yes,

[21:07]we had a situation.

[21:07]See, Rob,

[21:08]just let him keep talking.

[21:09]Good things happen.

[21:10]Friends of Ours.

[21:11]I'm just going to ask you,

[21:12]was there a naked guy

[21:13]running out of your house

[21:14]and then when you came in,

[21:15]your wife said,

[21:16]oh my God,

[21:16]that was a Candyman situation.

[21:17]You're like,

[21:18]oh, okay.

[21:18]Yeah,

[21:21]Rob,

[21:22]it sounds like you're speaking

[21:23]from experience.

[21:23]How'd you know that happened?

[21:24]Yeah.

[21:25]Yeah,

[21:26]she was saying a ton of things

[21:27]three times in a row.

[21:28]I don't know.

[21:29]My wife was trying

[21:31]to tell me a story

[21:32]about some Friends of Ours

[21:34]who had seen

[21:34]the newest iteration

[21:36]of that movie

[21:36]and she still

[21:38]is so freaked out

[21:38]by the original

[21:39]that she won't say

[21:40]the name out loud at all,

[21:41]not in a mirror,

[21:41]nothing.

[21:42]And so she was like,

[21:43]Jenny went to see that movie

[21:45]that I won't mention

[21:46]and my son

[21:47]grabbed onto it

[21:48]and he was like,

[21:48]mom,

[21:48]what's the movie called?

[21:49]Say it.

[21:50]Say the name.

[21:51]You have to say it.

[21:51]You have to tell me

[21:52]the name of the movie.

[21:52]Tell me the name of the movie.

[21:54]Tell me what it's about.

[21:55]And he would not let it go

[21:56]until finally she said,

[21:57]it's called Charlie Man.

[21:59]So he went to the mirror

[22:00]and started saying

[22:01]Charlie Man

[22:02]in the mirror.

[22:02]Oh, no.

[22:03]Total situation.

[22:04]Like,

[22:05]this is not good.

[22:06]Red Rob.

[22:06]Red Rob.

[22:07]Red Rob.

[22:08]If we see your kid

[22:09]crawl down the stairs

[22:10]like with his head

[22:11]backwards behind you,

[22:12]I'm just turning off the Zoom.

[22:13]I'm not going to help.

[22:14]I'm not going to say anything.

[22:14]I'm just turning off the Zoom.

[22:15]We're gone.

[22:16]Oh, that's terrible.

[22:17]Yeah,

[22:18]I like how your kid

[22:19]is now just harassing your wife.

[22:20]Like, oh,

[22:21]there's something

[22:21]that really scares you.

[22:22]Okay, I'm going to bring it up

[22:22]over and over and over.

[22:23]Yeah, he wouldn't let it go.

[22:23]It's a little bit concerning.

[22:25]Oh, can you imagine

[22:26]if she really would have

[22:27]said Candyman

[22:27]and then he's in the mirror

[22:29]saying it over and over and over?

[22:30]That's good enough for a divorce.

[22:31]Yeah, we'd be having problems.

[22:32]We'd be having some serious problems.

[22:33]Yeah, we'd be having a tough time.

[22:35]That time, Matt,

[22:37]I got to admit, Matt,

[22:38]that was a true Candyman situation.

[22:40]Aaron,

[22:40]that story was spot on.

[22:42]Aaron's description

[22:42]and then the story,

[22:43]I was like,

[22:43]what could be a Candyman situation?

[22:45]That, in fact,

[22:45]was a Candyman situation.

[22:46]It could not have been any more

[22:48]than a Candyman situation.

[22:49]If you guys could summon something

[22:52]to show up into your house

[22:54]by saying three times in the mirror,

[22:55]what would you say, Rob?

[22:56]Oh, the thing I always said

[22:58]when I was younger,

[22:58]I want two blondes in bed with me.

[23:01]Two blondes in bed with me.

[23:02]Did you ever try it?

[23:02]Yeah, I woke up with my wife

[23:03]next to me and my kid

[23:04]on the other side

[23:05]and I was like,

[23:05]God damn it,

[23:06]this is not what I wanted at all.

[23:07]It's a disaster.

[23:08]That's a Candyman, huh?

[23:09]Yeah, it was a very

[23:10]monkey's paw type situation

[23:12]for sure.

[23:12]A what?

[23:13]Yeah.

[23:16]Read a short story, damn it.

[23:18]And guys, of course,

[23:19]the scariest song of the season

[23:21]for two years running

[23:23]is I Want Candy.

[23:25]There is nothing scarier

[23:28]than when your kids

[23:30]start eating candy

[23:31]and they are demons.

[23:32]Some of you are listening

[23:33]to this on Halloween right now

[23:34]and you know those kids

[23:36]are going to eat all the candy,

[23:37]okay?

[23:38]Then they're going to turn

[23:39]into the monsters.

[23:39]It's the great irony of Halloween.

[23:41]That's the scariest song.

[23:42]And guess what, guys?

[23:43]That's the end of my list.

[23:45]That was a good list.

[23:46]I really enjoyed it.

[23:48]That was awesome.

[23:48]Nice work, Rob.

[23:49]So how long do your kids

[23:50]stay monsters after Halloween?

[23:51]Like, is it just that night

[23:53]or are they miserable

[23:53]for the next week or how long?

[23:55]No, that's the whole thing

[23:56]about the fall schedule.

[23:57]They're monsters from November 1st

[23:59]until January 4th, 6th,

[24:02]whatever it is.

[24:02]Like, it starts two weeks

[24:03]before Halloween.

[24:04]It lasts till two weeks

[24:05]after Christmas.

[24:06]Kids are monsters.

[24:09]They're the worst, okay?

[24:10]I highly recommend

[24:11]not having them, okay?

[24:12]I even more recommend

[24:13]not teaching them, okay?

[24:15]They don't get any better

[24:15]when they go to school

[24:16]and the parents are not around.

[24:17]I recommend, in general,

[24:19]doing what Aaron's doing,

[24:21]just hanging out

[24:22]in old folks' homes,

[24:23]kid-free, okay?

[24:24]You're just hanging out.

[24:25]No big deal.

[24:26]Trying to convince somebody

[24:31]that they were related to you

[24:32]so you can try to get

[24:32]some money, Aaron.

[24:33]Yes, we know that is your job.

[24:34]That's why you don't do very much.

[24:35]We get it.

[24:36]Wait, that's totally not my job.

[24:38]Are we not talking about that?

[24:39]Have we not talked about that

[24:40]on the podcast?

[24:40]Let's get into

[24:42]everybody's favorite section.

[24:43]It's rolling.

[24:43]It's rolling.

[24:44]It's time.

[24:46]It's time.

[24:46]Let's see what everybody's up to.

[24:48]It's time for

[24:49]Rolling Going.

[24:51]Oh, yeah.

[24:54]Okay, so on Aaron's list

[24:56]of Rolling Going question mark,

[24:57]it says Candyman situation.

[24:58]That's crossed out,

[24:59]so I wonder what he's going

[25:00]to say this time.

[25:00]Aaron, Rolling Going,

[25:01]how's it going with you?

[25:02]I'm going to tell you

[25:03]that it's not going great today,

[25:06]and here's the reason why.

[25:07]And, Russell,

[25:08]I don't want to step

[25:09]on your cocktail,

[25:10]but I was so stoked

[25:12]to go out today

[25:15]and get some,

[25:16]some scotch

[25:16]so that I could drink

[25:17]scotch whiskey

[25:18]all night long

[25:19]while talking

[25:20]Steely Dan with you guys.

[25:21]So pumped about it.

[25:23]I was going to go

[25:24]down to the store

[25:24]and get my favorite

[25:26]cheap scotch whiskey,

[25:27]banknote scotch,

[25:28]and I was going to be

[25:29]drinking it all night long.

[25:29]So at 2 p.m. today,

[25:32]I was all set to do it,

[25:33]and my boss called me

[25:36]with a reasonable,

[25:38]reasonable request,

[25:39]and I never made it

[25:41]to the liquor store.

[25:42]Don't drink scotch whiskey

[25:43]at work.

[25:44]Hey, Aaron,

[25:44]this is your boss calling.

[25:45]Can you not drink scotch whiskey?

[25:46]Can you not drink scotch whiskey

[25:46]at work, please?

[25:47]So I never got the chance

[25:50]to go get my scotch whiskey,

[25:53]and yeah,

[25:54]now all I have

[25:54]is bourbon whiskey.

[25:55]And I do have some

[25:56]very good bourbon whiskey

[25:57]by Uncle Nearest,

[25:58]so I'm happy to be drinking that,

[25:59]but I'm really upset

[26:00]with the way

[26:01]my work-life balance

[26:03]is right now

[26:04]where my other job

[26:06]is interfering

[26:07]with my real job,

[26:08]which is doing the things

[26:10]that I need to do

[26:11]for this podcast.

[26:11]So today was not an easy day,

[26:13]but I got through it.

[26:14]I'm here,

[26:14]and I'm happy to be

[26:15]talking with you guys.

[26:16]I'm here to talk to you guys

[26:16]about Sealy Dam.

[26:17]Aaron,

[26:19]we salute you

[26:20]for...

[26:22]Actually,

[26:22]we don't,

[26:23]for not getting a drink

[26:24]because your boss told you

[26:25]to do something pathetic.

[26:26]What a loser.

[26:26]I feel terrible.

[26:28]I never miss

[26:29]podcast-related stuff

[26:30]for work issues,

[26:31]but this one,

[26:32]I felt strongly enough

[26:33]about it that I...

[26:34]Let me ask you this, Aaron.

[26:35]Okay?

[26:36]You say you care

[26:37]about the podcast, okay?

[26:38]But are you like Russell

[26:39]going to the store

[26:40]and buying anywhere

[26:41]from one-third

[26:42]to one-half the items

[26:43]you need for a drink?

[26:44]Okay?

[26:45]That's what I'm saying.

[26:47]I am the least valuable

[26:49]member of this podcast today.

[26:50]Okay?

[26:51]Do you think Russell

[26:52]likes having a full thing

[26:53]of Tang in his place still?

[26:55]Okay?

[26:56]Do you think that makes him happy

[26:57]that it's still sitting there

[26:58]mocking him

[26:58]from his bar

[26:59]next to his shaker

[27:00]which has spilled

[27:01]White Claw Kamikaze

[27:02]all over it still?

[27:02]That's cherry-flavored

[27:05]bitters.

[27:05]Last week,

[27:07]I said Candyman

[27:08]three times into a mirror

[27:09]and he showed up

[27:09]and was going to kill me

[27:10]and saw the Tang

[27:10]and he was like,

[27:11]fuck it,

[27:11]this guy's not even worth it.

[27:12]He just left.

[27:13]He was like,

[27:15]that's not true.

[27:15]That's not candy.

[27:16]Yeah.

[27:17]This makes me sad.

[27:18]I've never actually seen Candyman

[27:21]so I don't know the plot of it.

[27:22]Is Candyman,

[27:22]by the way,

[27:23]I apologize your wife

[27:24]can't listen to this episode

[27:24]but is Candyman,

[27:25]what's he mad about?

[27:26]What is Candyman mad about?

[27:28]Is he just,

[27:28]is he down with candy?

[27:29]Like, does he want candy?

[27:30]Is he like my kids on Halloween?

[27:31]Has he had candy

[27:33]and then realizes it's bedtime?

[27:34]What's going on?

[27:34]Well,

[27:35]here's where I take us

[27:37]down a notch.

[27:38]It's,

[27:39]it's about racial

[27:41]segregation and violence

[27:44]and this guy,

[27:44]it's about,

[27:45]it's said in the

[27:46]Cabrini-Green projects

[27:47]in Chicago

[27:48]and I think this guy

[27:48]was the victim of

[27:49]perhaps a wrongly

[27:51]convicted of a crime.

[27:52]I don't remember exactly

[27:53]but basically

[27:54]it's about the,

[27:55]the plight of,

[27:56]of black people in America

[27:57]and has a lot to say

[27:59]about race and society.

[28:00]So,

[28:01]here I am

[28:02]not making jokes again.

[28:03]But then I think

[28:05]there's a part where

[28:05]if you say his name

[28:06]three times into a mirror

[28:07]he shows up and kills you,

[28:08]right?

[28:09]Yeah.

[28:09]Oh yeah.

[28:09]A hundred percent.

[28:10]Yeah.

[28:10]And he's got bees

[28:11]coming out of his eyes

[28:11]and everything.

[28:12]Yeah.

[28:12]It's,

[28:12]it's terrifying.

[28:13]So man,

[28:14]are you happy now?

[28:15]Are you happy

[28:16]with the president

[28:16]you said on this podcast?

[28:17]Twice now.

[28:18]I haven't interrupted him.

[28:19]Twice.

[28:21]Ugh.

[28:21]I'm just gonna

[28:22]strike two.

[28:23]I'm hoping,

[28:24]I'm hoping I don't

[28:24]strike out today.

[28:25]Okay.

[28:25]Third time.

[28:26]You got one more chance.

[28:27]We'll,

[28:27]we'll right this ship.

[28:28]This is your real life

[28:30]Candyman situation

[28:31]is Aaron's boring stories.

[28:33]Okay.

[28:33]If Aaron tells a third

[28:35]boring story,

[28:36]that's Candyman's situation.

[28:36]Rob, you asked.

[28:37]I mean,

[28:37]you asked the question.

[28:38]I had to answer it.

[28:40]I had no choice.

[28:40]But you don't actually

[28:41]have to say,

[28:42]when your stories start with,

[28:43]oh no,

[28:44]I'm going to bring this down a bit.

[28:45]Don't tell the story.

[28:46]This podcast does not need

[28:47]help being brought down.

[28:48]The podcast is starting

[28:50]subterranean.

[28:50]Okay.

[28:51]You can edit.

[28:51]We are in lower level too.

[28:53]We are in the basement

[28:54]to start with.

[28:54]We need to go up,

[28:55]up, up with energy.

[28:56]So I guess,

[28:58]Matt,

[28:58]rolling.

[28:58]Thank you.

[29:00]Oh,

[29:02]great.

[29:03]Thanks for having me.

[29:05]Yeah.

[29:06]A couple things.

[29:07]One,

[29:08]I'm up to about

[29:08]335 on the list.

[29:10]I'm plugging away.

[29:11]Damn, Matt.

[29:12]You're killing it.

[29:12]It's been a horrible week

[29:14]because there

[29:15]was a hundred song

[29:16]Merle Hager

[29:17]all the best of

[29:19]kind of a thing.

[29:20]And then as much

[29:21]as much

[29:23]as I love outcast

[29:24]speaker box

[29:26]in the

[29:27]was it the love below

[29:28]or whatever it is,

[29:29]it's like 38 songs

[29:31]because essentially

[29:31]a double disc,

[29:32]but it's like a

[29:33]it's like four discs.

[29:34]There are some

[29:35]unbelievable songs

[29:36]on that whole dang thing.

[29:37]But man,

[29:38]it took all day to listen.

[29:38]Both of those took all day

[29:40]to listen to.

[29:40]So there's some filler

[29:41]on there.

[29:42]There's some filler

[29:42]on the speaker box

[29:43]love below to like,

[29:45]there's some stuff

[29:45]that's definitely

[29:46]skippable on that one.

[29:47]Yeah.

[29:47]But then like the last

[29:48]three songs by Andre

[29:50]are just dripping.

[29:51]They're awesome.

[29:52]Yeah.

[29:53]Great.

[29:53]And so I sent you

[29:54]one of them with

[29:55]what's her name

[29:57]with Nora Jones.

[29:58]You define Jones.

[29:59]Yeah.

[29:59]Nora Jones.

[30:00]Yeah.

[30:00]Dripping with sex appeal

[30:03]to steal and sex appeal.

[30:05]Just awesome.

[30:07]That talks about.

[30:07]So I don't know.

[30:08]Can you imagine

[30:09]working next to Matt

[30:10]in his office

[30:11]and like you walk by

[30:12]and you walk by

[30:13]and you walk by an hour later

[30:14]and both,

[30:15]sometimes he's listening

[30:15]to Merle Haggard

[30:16]and then you walk

[30:17]later in the day.

[30:18]This whole thing right now

[30:19]is I essentially have

[30:20]my own 25,000 square foot

[30:22]office to myself

[30:23]because nobody else

[30:24]wants to come back

[30:24]to the office.

[30:25]I don't want to be

[30:26]in my house

[30:27]and my kids are around

[30:28]so I go to the office

[30:29]because it's only

[30:29]10 minutes away.

[30:30]And so I've got

[30:31]a big ass speaker

[30:32]and there's only like

[30:33]one other guy,

[30:34]some big,

[30:35]some big time attorney

[30:36]and at the company,

[30:37]you know,

[30:37]kind of a thing

[30:38]when he's not there.

[30:39]That thing is on full blast

[30:41]if I,

[30:41]if I can have.

[30:42]Oh my God.

[30:43]That's great.

[30:43]Yeah.

[30:44]You just come in,

[30:45]he's got his tie

[30:46]around his forehead.

[30:47]He's like,

[30:47]yeah,

[30:47]it's party time.

[30:48]Are you drinking?

[30:50]No,

[30:50]I'm actually doing my work

[30:51]but I am listening

[30:52]to music very loud

[30:53]while nobody else

[30:53]is in the office.

[30:54]I'm the office bad boy.

[30:55]I had one question

[30:56]for you this week.

[30:57]Yeah.

[30:57]We've got teacher conferences

[30:59]coming up in a couple days here.

[31:01]Yeah, cancel.

[31:02]Please do this.

[31:03]Cancel your paper.

[31:04]Do teachers really want to,

[31:07]do teachers really want

[31:08]to do teachers,

[31:09]I mean,

[31:10]is there anything

[31:11]that is productive?

[31:12]Yeah, I love,

[31:13]teacher conferences

[31:14]are the best

[31:14]night of the year for me

[31:15]by far.

[31:16]It's a ton of work

[31:17]but it's the only time

[31:18]all year where people go,

[31:19]hey,

[31:19]you're doing a good job

[31:20]because that never happens

[31:22]with kids at school.

[31:23]Kids at school are never like,

[31:24]you're doing a good job teaching

[31:25]whereas parents say it

[31:26]all the time

[31:27]and it's actually very rewarding.

[31:28]Okay,

[31:28]so I'm writing this,

[31:29]so we should be saying,

[31:30]good,

[31:30]you're doing a good job.

[31:31]That helps out, right?

[31:32]Like,

[31:33]yeah,

[31:33]I need to.

[31:34]Don't ask if they have a podcast

[31:35]or anything like that.

[31:36]Don't ask questions like that.

[31:37]Not important.

[31:37]Okay,

[31:38]so anything else

[31:39]we should know before?

[31:40]I mean,

[31:40]like from a teacher's perspective

[31:41]because I,

[31:44]I just say,

[31:45]how can I help

[31:46]as the parent?

[31:47]Like,

[31:47]how can I be of assistance?

[31:49]That's what they want to hear.

[31:50]Like if I,

[31:50]like let's say,

[31:51]I've got some constructive things

[31:53]that I think could help

[31:54]like my oldest,

[31:55]right?

[31:56]Like,

[31:56]no.

[31:56]That's what I'm saying.

[31:58]Don't even bring it up,

[31:59]right?

[31:59]No,

[32:00]like give him a big thumbs down

[32:01]on that one.

[32:01]Yeah,

[32:02]so that's,

[32:02]that's,

[32:03]let's get into the weeds on this.

[32:04]What are your constructive things

[32:05]that you want the teacher to do?

[32:06]Well,

[32:06]he's horrible at writing

[32:07]and in fourth grade,

[32:10]they've got no lined paper.

[32:12]Everything's like right in this box,

[32:14]right?

[32:14]And so I always,

[32:15]I always make lines for him

[32:17]and when he brings home homework,

[32:18]he's like,

[32:18]I got to write this,

[32:19]you know,

[32:19]two paragraphs about this.

[32:20]I make the lines

[32:21]and his writing gets so much better.

[32:23]Right.

[32:23]So all I want to sell him is like,

[32:24]hey,

[32:24]can you just make him write on lined paper

[32:26]so he's actually writing?

[32:28]Yeah,

[32:28]I think that's,

[32:28]I think you could say,

[32:29]is there a reason that there's not lines

[32:31]on this paper?

[32:31]Like,

[32:32]I'm just wondering like,

[32:33]is there a reason you're doing that

[32:35]or is it okay if I use lined paper

[32:36]because it seems to really help?

[32:37]I think that'd be okay.

[32:39]Okay.

[32:39]Yeah.

[32:40]I don't know,

[32:41]but my wife accuses me

[32:43]that when we go to parent-teacher conferences

[32:44]that I'm too soft on teachers

[32:45]because they can be like,

[32:47]oh yeah,

[32:47]this one time I spilled really hot coffee

[32:49]on your kid

[32:49]and I'd be like,

[32:49]yeah,

[32:50]I know,

[32:50]teaching stuff.

[32:50]What are you going to do?

[32:51]Like,

[32:52]I'm sure you had a stressful day.

[32:53]Don't worry about it.

[32:54]It happens to me all the time.

[32:55]Have you ever,

[32:56]have you ever had a teacher tell a story

[32:57]about how they turn all the lights off

[32:59]and then turn them back on

[33:00]with a clown mask on

[33:01]and then you were like looking at him like,

[33:02]yep,

[33:03]yep.

[33:04]No,

[33:04]but it really is like,

[33:05]listening to kids at conferences,

[33:07]it really is humiliating as a parent.

[33:09]Like we had one where they were like,

[33:11]when your kid comes in,

[33:12]they,

[33:14]they eat,

[33:15]they do every project in the classroom

[33:17]that's eating based.

[33:18]So they'll put jam on a cracker and eat it.

[33:20]This was at a Montessori school.

[33:21]They'll put jam on a cracker and eat it

[33:22]and then they'll go over and make tea

[33:24]and put in sugar and eat that.

[33:25]And when we went outside,

[33:26]they were found trying to eat a bark off a log.

[33:29]And I was like,

[33:30]maybe that's from my wife.

[33:33]I don't know.

[33:33]Like you're there looking at this 300 pound man

[33:35]and I'm like,

[33:35]boy,

[33:36]her hunger could come from anyone.

[33:37]Who knows who that's,

[33:38]you know,

[33:39]meanwhile,

[33:40]I'm chewing on like a little piece of burger.

[33:41]I'm like,

[33:42]I don't know.

[33:42]Not my fault.

[33:45]The bark,

[33:46]the bark off the tree

[33:47]will be a normal thing for Aaron

[33:48]when he's going to conferences

[33:49]in a few years,

[33:50]right?

[33:50]Yeah.

[33:51]Your son's out foraging in the backyard

[33:54]for leaves,

[33:55]edible flowers and grasses.

[33:57]Your kids picked a bunch of dandelion greens

[33:59]and put them in their lunchbox

[34:00]on the way to school.

[34:01]And Aaron's like,

[34:02]no,

[34:02]actually I packed that myself.

[34:03]That's a meal I made

[34:04]with these dandelion greens.

[34:05]You see the teacher.

[34:11]So yeah,

[34:12]Matt,

[34:12]good luck with teacher conferences.

[34:14]I actually,

[34:14]teachers enjoy them.

[34:15]It makes for a long day,

[34:16]but it's actually very nice

[34:17]to do in all honesty.

[34:19]What is not nice to do

[34:22]for my ruling going,

[34:23]I'm going to tell you right now

[34:24]is Matt,

[34:26]have you gone apple picking yet this year?

[34:27]I remember.

[34:31]We went to the,

[34:33]we went to the corn.

[34:34]I was trying to think

[34:34]if we picked apples at the corn.

[34:36]No,

[34:36]we have not gone apple picking yet this year.

[34:38]Have you Rob?

[34:38]Yeah,

[34:39]I did last weekend.

[34:40]My wife,

[34:40]uh,

[34:41]set up a appointment

[34:42]to go apple picking up,

[34:43]uh,

[34:44]in upstate New York.

[34:45]Uh,

[34:46]and then she turned to me

[34:47]and immediately said,

[34:47]you don't have to go

[34:48]if you don't want to.

[34:49]Oh,

[34:49]easy out,

[34:50]easy out.

[34:51]Yeah,

[34:51]you're out of there.

[34:52]No,

[34:52]that's an amateur move.

[34:55]Russell to think,

[34:56]see the married guys.

[34:57]We laugh.

[34:58]We laugh.

[34:58]The falling is such an easy track.

[35:00]Oh,

[35:01]it's okay if I don't go.

[35:02]No,

[35:02]Russell,

[35:02]it's not okay.

[35:03]It's a direct threat.

[35:05]That's a direct threat.

[35:06]If she really doesn't want me to go,

[35:08]she won't say anything,

[35:09]right?

[35:09]She wouldn't tell me in the first place,

[35:10]but when she,

[35:11]that's it.

[35:11]And then it says,

[35:12]Oh,

[35:13]you don't have to go.

[35:13]If you don't want to look out.

[35:14]Okay.

[35:15]Red alarm,

[35:15]red,

[35:16]red flags,

[35:16]red alarm,

[35:17]red flags,

[35:18]red alarm spinning around.

[35:19]It's bad.

[35:20]Not going as doubly horrible.

[35:21]Russell is such an amateur move

[35:23]that you wouldn't go.

[35:24]So we,

[35:25]can you guys,

[35:26]you guys know how to retract the text or not?

[35:28]I would just text and say,

[35:33]don't read the last text I sent.

[35:34]I don't understand.

[35:36]You're a new one.

[35:37]You replace your old stale text.

[35:41]Just text a bunch

[35:42]and hopefully they don't scroll up high enough.

[35:43]So we got up

[35:47]and we got on a train.

[35:49]Okay.

[35:49]Because guess what?

[35:50]We don't have to go apple picking.

[35:52]You don't realize how nice it is

[35:53]to have a car

[35:54]when you go apple picking.

[35:55]So we have no car whatsoever.

[35:57]So the first thing I say to my wife

[35:58]and she says,

[35:58]let's go apple picking

[35:59]is I say,

[35:59]where are we going to put all these apples?

[36:01]She goes,

[36:02]I got a great idea.

[36:02]I got a backpack.

[36:04]Now,

[36:04]have you seen my wife's backpack?

[36:05]Have I shown you this?

[36:06]It's a bad apple.

[36:07]It's like a big backpack, right?

[36:09]It is a giant,

[36:10]power lifter backpack.

[36:12]It is one of the biggest backpacks

[36:13]you'll ever see.

[36:14]Matt,

[36:15]look at this picture of a backpack.

[36:16]Describe that to the audience, please.

[36:18]Oh,

[36:18]large,

[36:19]square.

[36:20]Yeah.

[36:21]Voluminous.

[36:22]It's big enough

[36:24]where I don't think

[36:25]she can bring it as a carry on.

[36:26]Like it's that,

[36:26]it's like what you see

[36:27]rock climbers carrying around,

[36:28]you know,

[36:28]when they want to have a crash pad

[36:29]or something.

[36:30]And then we also brought

[36:31]a shopping cart.

[36:32]We have a little like

[36:33]granny New York City cart.

[36:35]So we brought that as well, right?

[36:37]So here we are.

[36:37]We go down

[36:39]to Grand Central Station.

[36:40]So you're pushing

[36:41]a shopping cart

[36:42]through New York City?

[36:43]Yeah,

[36:44]I'm pulling it.

[36:44]Okay.

[36:45]And maybe if I can get

[36:46]a couple cans,

[36:47]get a couple cents,

[36:47]I might pick those up too

[36:48]and put them in the cart

[36:49]and drag that around.

[36:50]Not a big deal to me.

[36:50]So then I,

[36:53]we got on the train.

[36:54]I would have just said

[36:55]I'm not going

[36:55]and dealt with the consequences.

[36:56]Oh,

[36:57]yes.

[36:58]I wish I would have done

[36:59]that big time wrestle

[36:59]because it turns out

[37:00]this was a hellscape

[37:02]vacation with my family.

[37:03]This was terrible.

[37:04]So this was on a Sunday,

[37:06]a Saturday?

[37:07]What day of the week were we?

[37:08]This was on a Saturday,

[37:09]a perfectly good Saturday

[37:10]where I could have been doing,

[37:11]oh,

[37:11]let me think.

[37:12]Oh,

[37:12]almost anything else.

[37:13]Okay,

[37:14]honey,

[37:15]I got to stay home

[37:15]and put toothpicks

[37:16]under my toenails.

[37:17]I can't go apple picking with you.

[37:18]I'm so sorry.

[37:18]Okay.

[37:19]So we get on a train.

[37:21]It's an hour and a half train ride,

[37:22]right?

[37:23]So it's an hour and a half up.

[37:24]My kids are so nervous

[37:25]that they're going to miss the stop.

[37:26]They're asking me every two minutes,

[37:27]are we there yet?

[37:28]I'm like,

[37:28]no,

[37:28]it's so long.

[37:29]So then we get there,

[37:30]we get off the train

[37:32]and of course,

[37:32]guess what?

[37:33]It's not at the train station.

[37:34]You're right.

[37:35]It's at Apple Orchard.

[37:40]Everybody from New York City,

[37:42]the train was packed

[37:43]going apple picking.

[37:44]Every person in New York City

[37:45]was going apple picking

[37:46]on this day

[37:47]to this very spot.

[37:48]It seemed like

[37:48]people are streaming off the train.

[37:50]There are guys there

[37:52]driving illegal taxis,

[37:53]like just minivans.

[37:54]Oh,

[37:54]five bucks a head.

[37:55]No,

[37:57]we did.

[37:57]So we paid $5 cash,

[37:59]a person,

[38:00]to get a ride to the Apple Orchard.

[38:01]The ride to the,

[38:03]and it's a good thing

[38:03]we paid $25 for the five of us

[38:05]because yes,

[38:05]one of my kids' friends came too.

[38:07]Did you have to look into a mirror

[38:07]and say,

[38:07]taxi man,

[38:08]taxi man,

[38:09]taxi man,

[38:09]and then make showdowns?

[38:10]Well,

[38:10]we were lucky

[38:12]to get a taxi going up,

[38:13]okay?

[38:13]Because when we went,

[38:15]25 bucks

[38:16]for a one minute taxi ride.

[38:21]We rode in the taxi

[38:22]for one minute,

[38:22]went up to the Apple Orchard.

[38:24]As soon as we got there,

[38:25]the people that were waiting to leave,

[38:26]this should have been

[38:27]warning sign number one.

[38:28]The people waiting to leave

[38:29]were like zombies.

[38:30]Like they were attracted to it.

[38:32]And like,

[38:32]as soon as we opened the door,

[38:33]my wife could not open the trunk

[38:35]to get our giant bag

[38:37]and shopping cart out

[38:38]because people were crowding

[38:39]trying to get into the taxi

[38:40]that we were just,

[38:41]they were begging

[38:42]to pay $5 a head

[38:43]to go back to a train station.

[38:45]Begging to go back.

[38:46]I was like,

[38:47]oh, this is bad.

[38:47]So we get,

[38:48]we get at the apple picking place.

[38:50]Okay.

[38:50]And of course,

[38:51]it's way too hot out

[38:52]to pick apples.

[38:52]It's just,

[38:53]just the way it is.

[38:54]Okay.

[38:54]I told my wife,

[38:56]I was like,

[38:56]I will go down myself

[38:58]and we can do apple picking

[38:59]at the farmer's market,

[39:00]which is a block away

[39:01]from our apartment.

[39:01]Like that would be

[39:02]so much easier.

[39:03]So,

[39:05]but we're at the apple place.

[39:06]Apple place,

[39:07]absolutely packed.

[39:08]Just,

[39:08]and there's a line that says,

[39:09]uh,

[39:10]reservations for apple picking

[39:11]go here.

[39:12]So I'm like,

[39:12]okay,

[39:12]let's go get in line.

[39:13]Jenny goes,

[39:13]oh no.

[39:14]I said,

[39:15]what's wrong?

[39:15]She goes,

[39:16]oh,

[39:17]we're,

[39:17]we're,

[39:18]this is harvest orchards.

[39:20]And I go,

[39:21]yeah,

[39:21]there's a sign

[39:21]for the apple reservations.

[39:23]We got to get into it.

[39:24]She goes,

[39:24]no,

[39:24]no,

[39:24]no,

[39:25]no,

[39:25]no.

[39:25]We have a reservation

[39:26]at outhouse orchards.

[39:27]And you're at the wrong one.

[39:29]We're at the wrong,

[39:29]the taxi did not even,

[39:31]I paid 25 bucks

[39:31]to get brought

[39:32]to the wrong spot.

[39:33]Oh,

[39:34]with my family.

[39:35]And it was called

[39:36]outhouse orchards.

[39:38]Yeah.

[39:38]So then I said,

[39:40]well,

[39:40]where's our orchard?

[39:41]And Jenny points.

[39:43]And as I follow her finger,

[39:45]okay.

[39:46]Imagine a giant sledding hill.

[39:48]Okay.

[39:50]That was the size of this.

[39:51]Yeah.

[39:52]This,

[39:52]that was the size of this hill

[39:54]that we had to walk up

[39:55]to get to our orchard.

[39:56]So here I am.

[39:57]I have to bring,

[39:57]I'm like,

[39:58]I have to bring a shopping cart

[39:59]across a grass field

[40:01]up a hill

[40:02]in front of the hill,

[40:03]a road,

[40:04]blind turns on either side,

[40:06]cars whizzing by,

[40:08]a police officer

[40:09]standing there

[40:09]making sure

[40:10]people can take a left turn

[40:11]into the apple orchard.

[40:12]Oh no.

[40:13]And a sign that says

[40:14]absolutely no road crossing.

[40:16]Crossing the road

[40:17]is strictly prohibited.

[40:18]What?

[40:19]How are we supposed

[40:19]to get to the orchard?

[40:20]Jenny immediately

[40:22]starts walking

[40:23]toward the orchard

[40:23]to cross the road.

[40:24]And I was like,

[40:25]oh God.

[40:25]I hear my child go,

[40:27]oh no,

[40:27]because she knows

[40:28]exactly what's going on.

[40:29]The combination of a sign

[40:31]saying you cannot do that

[40:32]and a police officer

[40:34]standing there,

[40:34]there is a 100% chance

[40:36]my wife's going to get

[40:36]an argument at that point.

[40:38]One hundred percent.

[40:38]I didn't even bother

[40:40]saying to her,

[40:41]like there's a sign.

[40:41]I know she can read the sign.

[40:43]I know she sees it.

[40:44]She is going to ignore it

[40:45]and then cause trouble.

[40:46]So we just start

[40:47]to cross the road, right?

[40:48]Right next to the sign

[40:49]it says crossing

[40:50]absolutely prohibited.

[40:51]The police officer says,

[40:53]just let you know

[40:54]if you come back here,

[40:54]you need to pay admission

[40:55]if you come to this side

[40:56]of the road.

[40:56]And I see my wife

[40:58]go like this.

[40:59]I can see her like,

[41:01]it's like a peacock.

[41:02]She flares up.

[41:03]She's about to turn

[41:04]to this police officer

[41:05]and I just push her

[41:06]in the back.

[41:06]I was like,

[41:06]okay, sounds good.

[41:07]And I just,

[41:08]I just push her

[41:08]to keep her moving.

[41:08]She's going to stop

[41:10]in the middle of a busy road

[41:11]to argue with a policeman

[41:12]in front of my kids.

[41:13]In a busy road

[41:14]that says no crossing.

[41:15]Yeah, absolutely.

[41:16]She's going to get an argument.

[41:17]And so for the rest of the trip,

[41:18]I would say about

[41:20]every five minutes

[41:21]she would just go,

[41:22]he doesn't work there.

[41:24]He's supposed to be

[41:25]doing the law.

[41:25]He doesn't work there.

[41:26]Why is he telling me

[41:26]I got to pay admission?

[41:27]And I was like,

[41:30]yeah, I think he just

[41:30]doesn't want people

[41:31]to cross the street.

[41:32]I think it's dangerous.

[41:32]And she goes,

[41:33]well, he can't tell me

[41:36]what to do at a business.

[41:36]I can go across the street

[41:37]if I want.

[41:38]I don't report to you.

[41:38]I don't report to you.

[41:39]It's a public street.

[41:40]And I was like,

[41:40]okay, that's fine.

[41:41]Let's pick apples and have fun.

[41:42]We're taking a picture.

[41:44]We'll be taking a family picture.

[41:45]And she's like,

[41:45]I can't believe you

[41:46]talked to me like that.

[41:47]I was like,

[41:47]no, please.

[41:48]Stop talking about it.

[41:50]So I make the trek.

[41:53]Okay.

[41:53]Luckily, they have a Sherpa

[41:55]at the bottom.

[41:55]I handed my shopping cart

[41:56]the Tanzig Norgay.

[41:58]The Sherpa helps me up

[41:59]this Mount Everest

[42:01]all the way up.

[42:02]We get up there.

[42:03]We're just about to go pick apples.

[42:04]They have cider donuts.

[42:05]They have a pizza stand.

[42:06]And they have two

[42:07]of the grimiest looking

[42:08]rundown horses

[42:09]you've ever seen in your life.

[42:10]So you know that those kids

[42:12]went directly to the horses.

[42:14]And they said,

[42:14]I want a horseback ride,

[42:16]please.

[42:17]Now,

[42:17]a horseback ride

[42:19]in upstate New York,

[42:20]$10 a kid

[42:21]for approximately

[42:22]a 30-second ride.

[42:23]It's almost worse than the taxi.

[42:25]Okay.

[42:25]The horse and the taxi

[42:26]cost per distance

[42:27]was almost the same.

[42:28]It's pathetic.

[42:29]So they ride these horses around.

[42:31]And then we finally get to go

[42:33]into where

[42:34]we can pick the apples.

[42:35]And they have a,

[42:36]you know,

[42:37]we have our backpack.

[42:38]We have our cart.

[42:39]And where we pick the apples,

[42:41]as soon as we walk in,

[42:42]there's a giant sign.

[42:43]Absolutely no backpacks

[42:44]or carts allowed in.

[42:46]No.

[42:46]I was like,

[42:49]what the fuck?

[42:50]I would be out.

[42:52]I would be out.

[42:53]Yeah, forget it, man.

[42:54]So we switch it up.

[42:55]I go into the corn maze.

[42:57]Okay.

[42:58]I realize it is a perfect time

[42:59]to film a TikTok

[43:00]about that is amazing

[43:03]by Aerosmith,

[43:03]except it's I'm corn mazing.

[43:05]I've seen it.

[43:06]It's pretty good.

[43:07]My kids have the map ditch me.

[43:10]My kids leave me

[43:12]because I'm walking too slow.

[43:13]As my daughter said,

[43:14]you were dwindling back there.

[43:15]Okay.

[43:16]You were walking too slowly.

[43:17]We left.

[43:18]So now I am lost in the corn maze.

[43:20]My kids also,

[43:21]by the way,

[43:21]had the map to the corn maze.

[43:22]So I do not have a map anymore.

[43:24]Do not know how to get out.

[43:25]When I texted my kids,

[43:26]they said,

[43:26]oh, just stick to the right.

[43:27]I was like,

[43:28]oh, real.

[43:28]Thank you so much.

[43:29]I appreciate it.

[43:29]At least you weren't under

[43:30]the influence of any chemicals

[43:32]or anything, right?

[43:32]Yeah, I definitely,

[43:33]I definitely,

[43:34]I definitely was not.

[43:35]And so it didn't,

[43:35]didn't make the corn maze

[43:36]super hard to get out of.

[43:37]And at the same time,

[43:39]actually kind of scary

[43:40]at one point.

[43:40]So then we get out

[43:44]of the corn maze.

[43:44]My wife is furious

[43:45]because I was in the corn maze

[43:46]for a long time,

[43:47]texting my daughter

[43:48]and you guys,

[43:48]pictures of just corn

[43:49]saying,

[43:50]which way should I go?

[43:51]Do you recognize this?

[43:52]Where am I?

[43:53]I sent her like five pictures

[43:55]of like,

[43:55]should I take a left here

[43:56]or what?

[43:57]And she was like,

[43:57]just yelling at me over text.

[43:59]So then we go.

[44:01]And by the way,

[44:02]I should tell you the apple bags.

[44:03]One is about,

[44:04]you know,

[44:04]it's about the size of my torso.

[44:06]It's a big,

[44:06]it's like a big potato type bag.

[44:08]I believe.

[44:09]You're going to carry that

[44:09]around all day?

[44:10]I believe that was $50

[44:12]to get a bag that size

[44:14]to put apples into.

[44:15]And then we also got

[44:16]a smaller bag.

[44:16]It was about half the size

[44:18]that was $35.

[44:19]Now that math

[44:20]doesn't make any sense.

[44:21]Okay.

[44:22]It makes no sense,

[44:22]but we can't carry

[44:23]two giant bags of apples.

[44:24]We have to have

[44:25]one giant,

[44:26]giant bag

[44:26]and one big bag.

[44:27]So we go into the apple orchard.

[44:29]We're picking apples.

[44:31]There are actually

[44:31]not many people there.

[44:32]So we're having

[44:32]kind of a good time.

[44:33]And every time people

[44:34]do pass by,

[44:35]Matt,

[44:35]I do the gag

[44:36]where I say to my daughter,

[44:38]don't eat those apples

[44:40]off the ground.

[44:41]You're not supposed

[44:42]to eat them off the ground.

[44:43]So here she is

[44:44]holding an apple

[44:45]that she had just

[44:45]picked off the tree.

[44:46]And I yell,

[44:46]don't eat that off the ground.

[44:47]And everyone there

[44:48]looks at her

[44:49]and she's holding an apple

[44:50]and everybody's like,

[44:50]oh yeah,

[44:51]she's like,

[44:52]what is she doing?

[44:52]Picking it off the ground

[44:53]just made me laugh so hard.

[44:55]And then we get in an Uber

[44:58]and of course

[44:59]there's five of us.

[45:00]So do we fit

[45:00]in a normal Uber?

[45:01]Absolutely not.

[45:03]We have to beg

[45:03]the Uber driver

[45:04]to have four people

[45:05]sitting in the,

[45:05]in the back.

[45:06]Rob,

[45:06]can we,

[45:07]can we withdraw

[45:07]the get Russell laid

[45:08]song from last week?

[45:09]I'm fine being by myself.

[45:11]I don't want to be part

[45:12]of this type of adventure.

[45:13]Oh no,

[45:13]Russell,

[45:14]if it really works out

[45:16]well in a relationship,

[45:16]this is only,

[45:17]oh,

[45:17]I don't know,

[45:18]the rest of your life.

[45:18]So then we have

[45:21]a reservation

[45:21]at a restaurant in town.

[45:23]So we walk in.

[45:24]You have to go

[45:25]to dinner afterwards.

[45:26]By town,

[45:26]you mean the,

[45:27]you mean the town

[45:28]where the apple orchard is?

[45:29]Yeah.

[45:29]Yeah.

[45:30]The town where

[45:30]the apple orchard is.

[45:31]We are going in

[45:32]to get dinner there.

[45:33]So you sit down

[45:33]and eat dinner

[45:34]and you already know

[45:35]you're still two hours

[45:35]away from home.

[45:36]You can't like,

[45:37]you're sitting,

[45:37]oh my God.

[45:38]And we've got,

[45:40]and so I have to,

[45:41]Matt,

[45:41]walk into this restaurant

[45:43]with a giant

[45:44]shopping cart

[45:46]of apples

[45:46]and see it next to me

[45:47]at the table

[45:48]as if it is a person.

[45:49]Wouldn't it be awesome

[45:50]if you,

[45:51]if they would like

[45:51]peel the apples

[45:52]for you table side?

[45:53]If you're like,

[45:53]oh,

[45:53]it's like when people

[45:54]bring their own

[45:54]bottle of wine

[45:55]to dinner,

[45:56]you're like,

[45:56]well,

[45:56]no,

[45:56]I brought my own apples.

[45:57]It's fine.

[45:57]And then they like

[45:58]peel them for you.

[45:59]Totally humiliating.

[46:00]And okay.

[46:02]And you might think,

[46:04]every hour out of this town,

[46:05]Matt,

[46:06]do you think the bill

[46:06]that we got in any way

[46:08]lined up with what time

[46:09]the train was going

[46:09]to leave the town?

[46:10]Nope.

[46:10]Nope.

[46:11]No,

[46:12]we,

[46:12]the train left at like 815.

[46:14]We got our bill at 820.

[46:15]So now we're like,

[46:16]okay,

[46:17]let's go sit at a train station

[46:18]in the middle of nowhere

[46:19]by ourselves for 50 minutes.

[46:21]Oh,

[46:22]are the kids really tired

[46:23]and really cranky?

[46:24]Yup.

[46:25]Oh,

[46:26]so we get back

[46:26]on an hour and a half train.

[46:27]Kids pass out,

[46:28]totally fall asleep.

[46:29]Okay.

[46:30]Now,

[46:30]Matt.

[46:30]Yeah.

[46:31]We're going to Grand Central Station,

[46:32]the largest

[46:33]of the,

[46:34]of the stations

[46:34]in New York City.

[46:35]Okay.

[46:36]There's one train

[46:37]that goes to my apartment,

[46:38]the F train.

[46:38]Yup.

[46:38]Been on it.

[46:39]Do you think the F train

[46:40]goes through Grand Central Station?

[46:42]I'm going to go with no,

[46:44]Rob.

[46:44]Absolutely not.

[46:45]It is two blocks away.

[46:47]So now I am taking sleeping kids.

[46:48]I am waking them up

[46:49]and making them walk

[46:50]multiple blocks

[46:51]through New York City.

[46:53]Well,

[46:53]meanwhile,

[46:54]I am still pushing

[46:55]a giant shopping cart

[46:56]of apples now

[46:56]up and down subway stairs.

[46:58]How much worse is it,

[46:59]Rob,

[46:59]that one of the kids

[47:00]is not one of your kids?

[47:01]That like,

[47:02]you could just be angry

[47:03]and annoyed.

[47:04]If it were just your kids,

[47:05]but do you have to act differently

[47:06]because one of them

[47:07]is not yours or not?

[47:08]I got to give it up

[47:09]for this kid though

[47:09]because we did that thing

[47:10]where you put your face

[47:11]through the hole

[47:12]in a picture,

[47:12]you know?

[47:13]Yeah.

[47:13]And then she reached

[47:14]your hand down

[47:15]over my daughter's face

[47:16]and covered it up

[47:17]during the picture

[47:18]with her hand.

[47:19]I got to give it up for that.

[47:20]It made me laugh too hard.

[47:21]I was like,

[47:21]this is too funny to be.

[47:22]That's a good joke.

[47:23]So then we finally get home.

[47:25]Kids pass out.

[47:26]I look at the apples

[47:27]that I had in the cart.

[47:27]Guess what happened

[47:28]to every apple

[47:29]that was on the bottom

[47:30]of the cart?

[47:30]Smashed.

[47:31]It got totally smashed

[47:32]by the million apples on top

[47:34]and the cart behind it.

[47:35]It was an absolute disaster.

[47:37]And I'll tell you what,

[47:38]it was the absolute best day

[47:40]of my three-day weekend.

[47:41]The other days

[47:41]were way downhill

[47:42]compared to that one.

[47:43]This was a top day

[47:44]of my three-day weekend.

[47:45]Next weekend,

[47:46]I get to go to a swim meet

[47:47]that is two and a half hours away

[47:49]to watch my daughter swim

[47:50]for 30 seconds total.

[47:51]Oh, it's going to be so fun.

[47:52]I love being a dad.

[47:53]Did the rest of your family

[47:54]have fun, you think?

[47:55]Or was it just you

[47:55]that was miserable

[47:56]or was everyone miserable?

[47:57]Everybody had fun.

[47:59]I had fun.

[48:00]I had fun picking apples

[48:01]with my family.

[48:01]I'm just going to tell you

[48:02]right now, listen.

[48:02]I'll say it again.

[48:03]My family's fine.

[48:04]I love my family

[48:06]is what I meant to say.

[48:07]I didn't mean to say

[48:07]my family's fine.

[48:08]I love my family.

[48:09]My marriage is going great.

[48:11]Okay?

[48:11]I actually had fun

[48:13]and I know I had fun

[48:14]because I kept repeating it

[48:14]to her a number of times.

[48:15]I was like,

[48:15]oh, that was really fun.

[48:16]Well, I'm just looking.

[48:19]I'm just looking online right now

[48:20]and I shop at

[48:21]Lund's and Byerly's local

[48:22]and I see you can get

[48:23]a pound of apples

[48:24]for $2.99.

[48:25]Oh, God.

[48:26]Oh, God.

[48:28]Rob, how many apples

[48:29]have you eaten

[48:30]since you returned

[48:31]from the apple picking

[48:32]extravaganza?

[48:33]None.

[48:34]I don't even like apples

[48:35]that much.

[48:35]I don't think they're

[48:36]top tier fruit.

[48:37]They're not.

[48:38]No, they're garbage fruit.

[48:39]Russell, what's your

[48:40]rolling going?

[48:40]I've got an official stuff.

[48:42]I've got to thank

[48:43]a listener of ours.

[48:44]Oh, what?

[48:44]I've got two things,

[48:45]but first,

[48:46]I got a package

[48:47]from one of our listeners.

[48:49]Nice.

[48:50]Who also happens to be

[48:51]a father of Aaron.

[48:54]Aaron's dad sent me

[48:56]a t-shirt

[48:56]from Eggs and Jam,

[48:58]the brunch spot

[48:59]that I went to

[49:00]in Ankeny,

[49:01]Iowa,

[49:01]and he sent me

[49:03]a handwritten letter,

[49:04]so I thought I would

[49:05]maybe read one paragraph

[49:06]from the handwritten letter.

[49:07]Yeah, hell yeah.

[49:08]This is great.

[49:09]So it was great.

[49:10]Does Fuckfest have

[49:11]one capital F or two

[49:12]in that letter?

[49:13]That was paragraph three.

[49:15]I was going to keep

[49:15]that for myself.

[49:16]Paragraph one

[49:17]has the secret

[49:18]behind why they call him

[49:19]Little Rosie,

[49:20]but I'm not going

[49:21]to read that one.

[49:21]Oh, no.

[49:22]It's a drine.

[49:24]All right,

[49:25]so the paragraph

[49:26]I am going to share

[49:27]with you is,

[49:27]he says,

[49:28]I do enjoy the podcast.

[49:29]It is great,

[49:31]but you guys

[49:31]still have so much

[49:32]fun together.

[49:33]Aaron does get himself,

[49:34]wait,

[49:35]Aaron,

[49:36]why do people

[49:37]write handwritten letters?

[49:38]No one can fucking

[49:39]read them anymore.

[49:39]Like,

[49:40]they can't even read

[49:41]this writing.

[49:41]What he says is,

[49:44]I believe,

[49:44]Aaron does set himself up

[49:45]for all the grief

[49:46]you guys give him.

[49:47]Keep up the good work.

[49:48]So even Aaron's dad

[49:50]is saying that Aaron

[49:51]does set himself up

[49:52]for us giving him

[49:54]a hard time.

[49:54]Oh, that's so,

[49:55]he was so pumped

[49:56]he went to Eggs and Jam.

[49:57]That's so,

[49:57]that's so cool.

[49:58]It's such a great moment.

[50:01]He knows his own kid

[50:02]can cause a Candyman

[50:02]situation now and then.

[50:03]He knows what's going on.

[50:04]So,

[50:06]so to Rosie's dad out there,

[50:07]thank you very much.

[50:09]I,

[50:09]I would give you a

[50:11]back to the better apology

[50:12]for all the mean things

[50:13]we've said to Aaron,

[50:13]but as you've,

[50:14]you've found out we,

[50:15]it's all justified.

[50:17]So that's good to know.

[50:18]The other,

[50:20]the other thing

[50:21]I was going to mention,

[50:21]so I'm going to start

[50:22]calling him a penis.

[50:23]Why did you say that

[50:24]when we're talking

[50:24]about your dad?

[50:25]It's justified.

[50:25]There's no mean in it.

[50:26]It's just,

[50:27]it's just so weird.

[50:28]But he,

[50:29]he did also mention

[50:30]that he did enjoy,

[50:31]the pregnant date story too.

[50:32]So I thought we got to go to

[50:34]the dating advice corner.

[50:36]It's been a while

[50:36]since I've been in

[50:37]the dating advice corner.

[50:38]Can we go to the corner?

[50:39]I need a little bit of advice.

[50:41]Get,

[50:41]get,

[50:42]get,

[50:42]get to the corner.

[50:43]It's time

[50:45]for Russell's

[50:46]advice corner.

[50:47]Oh yeah.

[50:48]Okay.

[50:52]My advice is go apple picking.

[50:53]Super fun.

[50:54]But don't eat a lot of apples

[50:58]before you,

[50:58]before,

[50:58]while you're there.

[50:59]Oh my God.

[51:00]I ate so many,

[51:01]so many apples.

[51:01]And,

[51:01]and every time you go up

[51:02]to a fucking apple tree,

[51:03]it's like,

[51:04]what do you think of this apple?

[51:05]And I'm like,

[51:05]yeah,

[51:06]it's good.

[51:06]And then we go to the next apple.

[51:07]I'm like,

[51:07]I think this is good too.

[51:08]It's every apple that tastes good.

[51:10]It's an apple off a tree.

[51:11]Of course,

[51:11]it's going to be good.

[51:11]Sorry,

[51:12]Russell,

[51:12]go ahead.

[51:12]All right.

[51:13]So my question,

[51:14]where do I need advice for is,

[51:15]a few weeks ago,

[51:17]I was part of a online bidding

[51:19]for a charity event.

[51:20]One of our friends was holding

[51:21]a charity event to raise money

[51:22]for a great cause.

[51:23]They've been doing it for years

[51:24]and they did an online

[51:25]kind of silent auction.

[51:26]So when I saw the auction,

[51:28]I,

[51:28]there were all these items,

[51:29]including a ton of gift cards

[51:31]for a lot of different

[51:31]restaurants locally.

[51:32]And so I bid on a bunch of them.

[51:34]I won them.

[51:35]And I started wondering,

[51:36]now I have all these gift cards,

[51:37]but my question for you guys is,

[51:39]at what point with going out

[51:41]with someone new,

[51:42]are you allowed to use a gift card

[51:43]or some sort of coupon?

[51:45]Like,

[51:45]like,

[51:46]can you use a gift card on date one?

[51:48]Do you have to wait a month?

[51:49]At what point are you allowed

[51:51]to use a gift card on a date?

[51:53]Ah,

[51:53]please.

[51:54]I am begging you to use

[51:55]a gift card on a date.

[51:55]Just really set the tone of like,

[51:59]you are dating your dad.

[52:02]Here we go.

[52:02]Let's go.

[52:03]Oh,

[52:03]I got a coupon here somewhere.

[52:04]I mean,

[52:04]you can kind of,

[52:05]you can kind of skirt around it,

[52:06]right?

[52:06]If you're like trying to like,

[52:07]not if you're the one who's supposed

[52:09]to like take the bull by the horn

[52:10]and say,

[52:10]we're going here there.

[52:11]You're like,

[52:12]Hey,

[52:12]I got this a charity event

[52:14]and I got this gift card to,

[52:15]you know,

[52:16]Wallace's pizza,

[52:18]right?

[52:18]Can we go there?

[52:19]Kind of a thing like,

[52:20]I don't know.

[52:20]I mean,

[52:20]you can kind of get around

[52:21]a little bit if you play it up,

[52:23]right?

[52:23]Yeah,

[52:24]I definitely think in this,

[52:25]in this case,

[52:25]yes,

[52:26]exactly.

[52:26]In this case,

[52:27]if you,

[52:27]if you talk about the charitable event,

[52:29]then I think,

[52:30]but it makes me seem like a good guy.

[52:31]Yeah.

[52:31]Yeah.

[52:32]It'll be like,

[52:32]Oh,

[52:33]Oh,

[52:33]what charity was it?

[52:34]And you're like,

[52:35]Oh,

[52:35]it's this charity.

[52:36]I'm part of it.

[52:36]It's for guys who dicks are too big.

[52:38]And you know,

[52:38]it's one of those things.

[52:40]You want them to know that like

[52:42]Russell's a charitable giving person.

[52:44]He's willing to give,

[52:45]you know,

[52:45]like they want to,

[52:46]that's,

[52:46]that's important for them to see

[52:49]that side of you.

[52:49]And they know your dick's too big.

[52:51]So then I started wondering,

[52:53]so let's say,

[52:54]let's say I was able to use one of them.

[52:56]I can't use another gift card

[52:58]with the same lady,

[52:59]like another two weeks later,

[53:00]right?

[53:01]Like I can't just rip off five gift cards

[53:03]in a row.

[53:03]Can I,

[53:04]so now I'm stuck with these gift cards

[53:05]and I'm never going to be able to use them.

[53:06]You got to set it up the very first time,

[53:08]right?

[53:09]That,

[53:09]Oh,

[53:09]I want,

[53:09]I got like these five gift cards.

[53:11]I spent,

[53:12]you know,

[53:12]5,000 bucks at all this stuff.

[53:14]Right.

[53:15]Baller,

[53:16]you know,

[53:17]that you got all these gift cards

[53:18]and Hey,

[53:18]you know,

[53:19]I would love to use them with you.

[53:20]I don't know.

[53:21]Let's go.

[53:21]Let's,

[53:23]annual thing.

[53:24]Like every,

[53:24]every October is gift card month with Russell.

[53:26]Like,

[53:27]you know,

[53:27]you hang out with me every October.

[53:29]That's what we're doing.

[53:29]Going out on gift cards.

[53:30]And then when I spend real money,

[53:32]I dump your ass.

[53:33]You're out the door when I got to spend real money.

[53:35]She's like,

[53:35]Hey,

[53:35]let's go back to my place.

[53:37]And you're like,

[53:37]Hey,

[53:37]let's go to Cold Stone Creamery

[53:40]and get any two regular sized Sundays.

[53:43]How about that?

[53:44]That sounds pretty fun too.

[53:45]Yeah.

[53:46]I probably should have laid off the fast food gift cards,

[53:49]but I was picturing you going to one place

[53:52]using a coupon,

[53:53]and then taking her somewhere else

[53:54]and using another gift card.

[53:57]So baller.

[53:57]Right.

[53:58]Just bar hopping with gift cards all night.

[54:00]Yeah.

[54:01]You get an Uber with your Uber gift card.

[54:02]You didn't actually bring your wallet.

[54:04]It's just a bunch of gift cards

[54:05]that you have like on a key chain.

[54:06]And so when you tell them,

[54:09]when you tell them that you won these

[54:11]through a charitable event,

[54:12]you have to say,

[54:13]Hey,

[54:13]I spent more than the fair market value.

[54:16]So like I was contributing more to the charity

[54:19]than what they were worth,

[54:20]right?

[54:20]Like I can't say that.

[54:21]Well,

[54:21]actually I bid under face value.

[54:23]All of these,

[54:24]right?

[54:24]Yeah.

[54:25]Yeah.

[54:25]It's like,

[54:26]Oh,

[54:26]they actually had to tear down part of the orphanage

[54:29]because I actually took a lot of money from them

[54:31]on these gift cards.

[54:32]Okay.

[54:33]Those kids are freezing.

[54:35]Hey,

[54:35]how's your,

[54:35]how's your cold stone?

[54:36]Regular size Sunday.

[54:37]50% off one of them.

[54:40]So,

[54:41]so ultimately what's the answer?

[54:42]When am I allowed to use the gift cards guys?

[54:44]Well,

[54:45]if you're willing,

[54:46]if you're willing to talk it up right away,

[54:48]but otherwise I think you gotta be a good five,

[54:50]six dates in before you're kind of,

[54:52]I was,

[54:52]I was going to say,

[54:53]a month or two.

[54:54]Like,

[54:54]I think you've got to go way back.

[54:55]I think even talking it up,

[54:56]can you imagine this woman is talking to her friends and at the end,

[55:00]she goes,

[55:00]he paid with a gift card.

[55:01]They would laugh your ass out of Dodge.

[55:04]They would laugh so hard at that shit.

[55:06]But then is that somebody you want to be dating Russell?

[55:08]This is a good,

[55:09]that's a good test.

[55:10]I don't know.

[55:11]I always,

[55:11]I always run with this past the mat test.

[55:14]Or is there a way,

[55:15]you know,

[55:16]maybe you can,

[55:17]maybe you can slide the gift card to the server on the way in.

[55:22]Then they bring you the,

[55:23]the bill.

[55:24]Then you just leave a $50 bill on the,

[55:26]on the table for a tip.

[55:27]And you just look like,

[55:28]you know,

[55:29]total baller.

[55:30]And really you just spent under fair market value and just,

[55:33]you know,

[55:34]it came out of head.

[55:34]So you say be even be more devious about it.

[55:38]Go and like,

[55:38]use the bartender to your advantage before.

[55:40]Yeah,

[55:41]right.

[55:41]Oh,

[55:42]this seems like it's going to backfire really badly.

[55:44]It's like,

[55:44]wow,

[55:45]this guy gave me a gift card and I made out with his date in the

[55:47]bathroom.

[55:47]This is my job is great.

[55:51]I think it's awesome.

[55:52]Wait,

[55:53]what?

[55:53]Yeah.

[55:53]You walk outside with your leftovers and there's some orphans out

[55:56]there.

[55:56]Please.

[55:56]She's like,

[55:59]God,

[55:59]there's so many more orphans on the street now than there were a

[56:01]while ago.

[56:01]I wonder why that is.

[56:02]And you're like,

[56:04]Hey,

[56:05]how about tomorrow?

[56:05]We go to Chili's

[56:06]electric lemonades.

[56:09]I don't think I've ever had a drink.

[56:13]I don't feel like riblets.

[56:14]Would you talk about the album?

[56:17]Maybe we need to get out of the corner.

[56:18]I think it's time to get out of the corner.

[56:19]Please,

[56:21]sir.

[56:22]That's it.

[56:23]Time's up.

[56:24]Get out of the corner.

[56:25]That was well,

[56:26]it is the holiday season.

[56:27]So I will give you this gift card to sweet greens.

[56:31]Go have a salad on me.

[56:32]Maybe,

[56:33]maybe you're three of your favorite friends when we're getting together

[56:36]every once in a while.

[56:37]Maybe you spend it on them.

[56:38]You guys are co-hosts.

[56:40]Oh,

[56:40]gotcha.

[56:41]Yeah,

[56:42]we're more coworkers.

[56:42]Let me turn on.

[56:44]Oh,

[56:45]Matt's turning on a giant speaker and I'm going to have to edit that out.

[56:47]I guess that's going to be terrible.

[56:48]All right,

[56:49]let's talk about the album.

[56:50]It's nobody's favorite part.

[56:51]Nobody's favorite part of the show.

[56:53]It's just a music podcast.

[56:54]I think there's a lot of people's favorite part.

[56:55]Tread carefully,

[56:57]Aaron.

[56:57]You're real close to a candy man situation here.

[56:59]Steely Dan or the Dan to their friends had been slowly moving away from a

[57:05]tight sounding rock band with reeling in the Eve to a studio based rock

[57:09]experiment that rotated through 40 of the best studio musicians.

[57:12]Many who are no strangers to musical experimentation because they had been

[57:16]out with Miles Davis's bands in the sixties.

[57:18]Donald Fagan and Walter Becker are steely Dan and for Asia,

[57:21]they decided to get exactly the sound.

[57:23]He wanted no matter how long it took and how many musicians they had to use and

[57:26]discard,

[57:26]like take out chopsticks until they found exactly the sound they were looking

[57:29]for.

[57:30]This album is both from self-trained musicians who are also perfectionist

[57:33]mixed obsessively by granny winners,

[57:35]Grammy winners,

[57:36]and have been polished to the end.

[57:37]Is this your teacher voice?

[57:38]What's going on right now?

[57:39]The result is called the beginning of yacht rock,

[57:42]a shining example of jazz rock,

[57:43]aggressively intellectual rock,

[57:45]a masterpiece by the fans and soulless by its detractors.

[57:48]It peaked at number three on the charts is number 63 on the list,

[57:51]but as perhaps spawned,

[57:52]more arguments than any other album.

[57:54]It's time to listen to Aja Asia shit.

[57:57]I keep calling it Aja and I know it's Asia.

[58:02]So what do you guys think of that?

[58:03]I wrote it down as an essay this time.

[58:05]Do you like that more,

[58:05]better?

[58:06]Not you guys text the back line saying Rob.

[58:09]So hashtag Rob,

[58:10]so smart.

[58:11]If you liked it,

[58:12]hashtag Rob still kind of smart if you didn't like it.

[58:15]Okay.

[58:16]So let me know.

[58:16]Do you like it when I write it like that?

[58:17]I don't know why I would give myself more work.

[58:19]It's like,

[58:20]Oh,

[58:20]here's another bit I need to do before every show.

[58:22]But,

[58:22]I mean,

[58:23]basically the bottom line with this album,

[58:25]right?

[58:25]Is that we have two total perfectionists who wanted an album to sound exactly

[58:28]the way they wanted.

[58:29]They just hired people person after person to play the instruments,

[58:32]not caring if they're actually like,

[58:34]they don't have a band,

[58:35]right?

[58:36]They're just like a,

[58:36]they're collective,

[58:37]right?

[58:38]They're,

[58:38]they're two dudes who keep bringing in the right people.

[58:40]Yeah.

[58:41]Yeah.

[58:41]It's more of an idea of music.

[58:43]So here is black cow.

[58:45]Oh,

[58:45]isn't there a famous,

[58:52]hip hop song that sampled this Lord Tariq and Peter guns of town,

[58:56]baby?

[58:56]Yeah.

[58:57]I spent a lot of time trying to think about why hip hop loves this album so

[59:02]much.

[59:02]And I think it came down to,

[59:04]to me because it's mastered so perfectly and the grooves are so good that any

[59:09]crate digger could have found a groove anywhere they dropped the needle.

[59:12]But I did also listen to the heat rocks episode,

[59:14]uh,

[59:15]about this,

[59:15]about this album.

[59:16]And,

[59:17]um,

[59:17]Morgan on heat rock said that this album got played a lot on black radio.

[59:20]So yeah,

[59:21]um,

[59:22]Lord Tariq and Peter gun sampled this one,

[59:24]uh,

[59:24]MF doom sampled,

[59:25]um,

[59:26]one of these other ones as well.

[59:28]So yeah,

[59:29]uh,

[59:29]obviously the famous one is,

[59:31]um,

[59:31]peg from,

[59:32]uh,

[59:32]that,

[59:32]uh,

[59:33]De La Soul sampled for,

[59:35]I know.

[59:35]So yeah,

[59:36]I think it's a,

[59:37]it was an interesting kind of crossover element.

[59:39]And,

[59:39]um,

[59:40]obviously a lot of hip hop folks had heard,

[59:42]heard this music.

[59:43]Matt,

[59:44]what do you think of this one as the opener?

[59:46]It's great.

[59:46]If you play it from the actual beginning,

[59:48]uh,

[59:48]Rob,

[59:48]maybe the first sound,

[59:50]I mean,

[59:50]it's again,

[59:51]it's one of those things.

[59:52]You know,

[59:52]an exact right when you start,

[59:54]you know exactly what you're getting to.

[59:56]And again,

[59:57]I can see why the hip hop community,

[60:00]I mean,

[60:01]you've dropped the needle and that's what you're hearing right away.

[60:03]I mean,

[60:03]it's like instantly you can come up with a million different ways of going with

[60:07]that.

[60:07]So I think it's great.

[60:09]Do you guys know what a black cow is?

[60:12]I mean,

[60:13]not a black cow.

[60:14]It's the name for a rip your float.

[60:15]Have you ever heard that before?

[60:17]Nope.

[60:18]No,

[60:18]I have not until this week because guess what guys?

[60:22]I've got a cocktail and I read on genius.

[60:25]I read that this is the black cow is a root beer float,

[60:29]but they even specifically link and say that some people can make these with

[60:33]bourbon.

[60:33]So tonight,

[60:34]as you guys can see in my glass here,

[60:36]I am drinking a boozy bourbon,

[60:38]black cow,

[60:39]ice cream,

[60:40]root beer,

[60:40]two ounces of bourbon.

[60:42]It says you're supposed to drizzle some chocolate sauce on top.

[60:45]But as you guys know,

[60:46]I don't like Hersey syrup because my mom used to make me drink it with

[60:52]with what's it called?

[60:54]When you get a sore throat,

[60:55]strep throat medicine,

[60:56]the pink strep throat medicine.

[60:57]No,

[60:58]I can't.

[60:59]Wait a minute.

[61:00]Wait a minute.

[61:00]Wait,

[61:00]wait,

[61:00]wait,

[61:01]you had to drink chocolate chocolate for a strep throat.

[61:04]So when we were kids,

[61:06]like when you had to drink that disgusting pink medicine,

[61:10]my mom,

[61:11]instead of just giving us the pink medicine,

[61:13]which was terrible,

[61:14]she let us take a spoonful of chocolate syrup.

[61:16]Then we would drink the pink medicine and then we would chase it with

[61:19]chocolate syrup.

[61:20]So at the time,

[61:21]it made it a lot easier.

[61:23]But now as an adult,

[61:24]I cannot eat that shit for the life of me.

[61:26]So unfortunately,

[61:27]my boozy bourbon black cow had no,

[61:30]no Hershey syrup.

[61:31]All of these,

[61:32]all of these drink concoctions are coming.

[61:34]This is where we're figuring out the,

[61:36]where this is all coming from.

[61:37]Right?

[61:38]Yeah.

[61:39]It's a Freudian kind of thing.

[61:42]Yeah.

[61:42]It's like,

[61:43]listen,

[61:43]my mom would let me have kamikazes,

[61:45]but all we had on hand was white claws.

[61:47]I don't know what to do.

[61:48]Did you guys not like the pink?

[61:51]Did you guys not like the pink medicine?

[61:53]I kind of liked it when I was younger.

[61:55]Oh,

[61:55]it's so gross.

[61:56]The pink is great.

[61:59]I think.

[61:59]Okay.

[62:01]I'm going to flip that.

[62:02]All right.

[62:03]Have you guys ever done the root beer float?

[62:05]Have you ever done a bourbon root beer float?

[62:07]It's delicious.

[62:07]I think a root beer float might be the most perfect delivery of ice cream

[62:11]tied with an ice cream cone.

[62:13]It's,

[62:13]it's unbelievable.

[62:14]It's not great for like,

[62:16]you don't taste the ice cream as much,

[62:17]but it is so fulfilling to have a root beer float on a warm day.

[62:21]I think of it.

[62:22]It makes me think of Pulp Fiction because the,

[62:24]I remember watching Pulp Fiction when I was what,

[62:26]like 11 or 12 and there's the $5 shake and Travolta is like,

[62:30]well,

[62:30]there's an,

[62:30]it's just a shake.

[62:31]There's no bourbon in or anything.

[62:32]And I remember as a kid thinking like people put whiskey and ice cream.

[62:35]That sounds crazy.

[62:36]And now I'm like,

[62:37]that sounds like the perfect whiskey delivery system.

[62:40]All right.

[62:41]I'm frozen.

[62:41]Yeah.

[62:42]I switched over to my 5g.

[62:43]I think that's going to help.

[62:44]All right.

[62:45]Really?

[62:45]What's the,

[62:45]what's the name of that 5g network?

[62:47]Fort awesome.

[62:49]Yes.

[62:50]And,

[62:51]and I made the password.

[62:53]Jenny is cool.

[62:53]So then when people ask her what that wifi password is,

[62:57]she has to tell them that Jenny is cool.

[62:59]And then I say,

[63:01]Oh yeah,

[63:01]Jenny came up with it.

[63:02]So funny to me,

[63:07]Russell,

[63:08]I'm jealous of you drinking a bourbon milkshake,

[63:10]right?

[63:11]It's really good.

[63:11]I'm just pouring bourbon into a glass.

[63:13]I don't have any milkshakes.

[63:14]I am going to get diarrhea from just like watching you drink that,

[63:18]but sympathetic diarrhea.

[63:19]I've got some cooled toilet paper,

[63:21]ready to go at a moment's notice.

[63:23]I was hoping that was going to be gone.

[63:25]Asia.

[63:26]What do we call this track?

[63:32]Rob Asia,

[63:34]the correct name for this track.

[63:36]Asia.

[63:37]Is there another descriptive?

[63:38]What kind of track is it?

[63:39]Oh,

[63:40]I'm sorry,

[63:40]Aaron.

[63:40]And this is a big one.

[63:42]This is a big titular track.

[63:44]And not only is it a big track,

[63:46]not only is it a big titular track,

[63:47]I also pulled the,

[63:49]uh,

[63:51]musical breaks for all of these songs as well.

[63:52]Cause there's only seven songs on the album.

[63:54]Yeah.

[63:55]And this is a big one.

[63:55]This is one of,

[63:56]this is the,

[63:56]this is the famous one was Steve Gadd and Wayne shorter.

[63:59]This is the one that like sits everybody's pants on fire.

[64:03]Whistle.

[64:03]You hear that whistle back there?

[64:04]It gets me every time.

[64:05]I would put this down as the worst titular track out of any album we've had.

[64:09]Oh,

[64:10]absolutely.

[64:10]Not even.

[64:11]Wow.

[64:12]Wow.

[64:13]The worst.

[64:14]This is the worst song on the whole album.

[64:16]I think I got,

[64:17]I got two words for you.

[64:18]Oh,

[64:18]fascinating.

[64:19]Pet sounds.

[64:22]Hmm.

[64:22]That was the worst.

[64:24]Ask Alexa to play pet sounds right now.

[64:28]Top three.

[64:28]Top three.

[64:29]Then we'll go top three.

[64:30]Worst titular track songs.

[64:33]Okay.

[64:35]I didn't like,

[64:36]I didn't like that song.

[64:37]Nevermind by Nirvana.

[64:38]Not,

[64:38]not memorable.

[64:39]You know what I mean?

[64:40]Like you barely remember it really.

[64:41]That's interesting,

[64:42]man.

[64:42]This Asia.

[64:43]I will also,

[64:45]I will admit that I have never listened to all the way through this album.

[64:47]And I always thought it was called Asha until I actually listened to the album.

[64:50]Um,

[64:51]um,

[64:51]um,

[64:51]but Asia is the one that like,

[64:52]uh,

[64:53]drum nerds and music nerds tend to really love because of the Steve Gadd drum solo.

[64:58]And then the Gadd Wayne shorter kind of interplay.

[65:01]But,

[65:01]I thought it might be more your thing,

[65:04]but I'm,

[65:04]I'm excited to hear that you're,

[65:05]you get your own,

[65:06]own thoughts,

[65:07]own ideas.

[65:07]I mean,

[65:08]why would I expect anything less?

[65:09]Yeah.

[65:09]I have to say that this is the album that when I have told people that there's a

[65:13]Rolling Stone top 500 list,

[65:15]this album is asked about more than any other album.

[65:18]People love this album.

[65:19]People are crazy.

[65:21]They're like,

[65:21]where's,

[65:21]where's Asia?

[65:22]And I'm like,

[65:23]yeah,

[65:23]not either.

[65:25]I was like,

[65:25]you mean Aja?

[65:26]Excuse me?

[65:27]Where's Asia?

[65:27]Get a globe,

[65:29]buddy.

[65:29]I have a music podcast.

[65:31]I know where Asia is.

[65:33]Let's give me a break.

[65:34]But people love,

[65:35]I I'm telling you,

[65:36]and I'm just going to say this right now.

[65:37]I cannot stand this album.

[65:39]This album.

[65:40]I,

[65:41]I just,

[65:41]I don't know what it is because you know,

[65:43]I loved a well-produced album.

[65:45]You know,

[65:46]I like like everything about this.

[65:48]I like the jazz influence.

[65:49]There's an obvious jazz influence.

[65:50]I love,

[65:51]I love albums like that,

[65:51]but like Deacon blues,

[65:54]let's listen to it.

[65:54]Right.

[65:55]Yeah.

[65:56]It bangs,

[65:57]but it feels to me,

[65:58]it's like just so flat.

[65:59]Like the whole thing is like,

[66:01]it's almost soulless to me.

[66:03]Whereas like Van Morrison was a jazz album that was based on jazz.

[66:08]And it was like the exact opposite.

[66:09]It was like all soul and no like planning or thinking about it.

[66:13]This is like all Van Morrison's music is made for like a live show.

[66:17]Right.

[66:17]With the horns and everything.

[66:18]This is absolutely,

[66:20]absolutely.

[66:21]Straight up studio album,

[66:23]you know,

[66:23]get some old guy on a guitar who's done it for 40 years and is phenomenal at

[66:28]it.

[66:28]That is playing,

[66:29]you know,

[66:29]his little bit part.

[66:31]And it's just like you said,

[66:32]like you said in the beginning,

[66:33]it's the beginning of yacht rock.

[66:34]This is exactly what yacht rock is.

[66:36]You put it on in the background,

[66:38]you might bop your head a little bit and you think of it,

[66:41]you know,

[66:41]and so it's so perfect that I think it's,

[66:43]I just love it.

[66:44]You know,

[66:44]I'm a,

[66:45]I'm a fraud.

[66:45]I made fun of Michael Jackson for being,

[66:47]you know,

[66:48]not one note out of,

[66:49]out of place.

[66:51]And I figured out that I absolutely love any of these albums that are done by

[66:55]professionals,

[66:55]right.

[66:56]That are just unbelievably,

[66:57]this is the sixth album that Steely Dan did.

[67:00]These guys used to sit in their dorm rooms and they,

[67:03]they talked about that.

[67:04]They were so white because they never came out of,

[67:07]out of their dorms that they were like ghosts,

[67:09]you know,

[67:10]their skin had never seen sun,

[67:11]you know?

[67:12]And so like,

[67:12]this is the sixth album.

[67:13]They've done all this work up to this.

[67:15]And this is kind of like their culmination of an album.

[67:17]Right.

[67:17]And nobody likes them.

[67:19]That's why they got to have 40,

[67:20]a studio band members come in because everybody plays with them for like two

[67:26]songs.

[67:26]And then it's just like,

[67:27]screw you guys.

[67:27]This is horrible working environment,

[67:29]things like that.

[67:30]But they got it perfect in my mind.

[67:32]They just absolutely nailed it.

[67:34]And it's great.

[67:34]I don't get it.

[67:36]I should like it.

[67:36]I love nerd rock type stuff.

[67:38]I like songs that have kind of weird lyrics.

[67:40]I like songs that are well-produced.

[67:42]I just have never,

[67:43]ever liked Steely Dan.

[67:44]That being said,

[67:45]I think peg might be a top five song.

[67:50]For me of all time.

[67:51]Isn't now that should blow your mind that I hate this album.

[67:54]And I love.

[67:55]Listen,

[67:56]how much of it is because this is the one,

[67:58]this is one of the songs that has real voices on it.

[68:02]Like I'm with Matt,

[68:04]love the rhythm section on every one of these tracks.

[68:07]Love the grooves.

[68:08]Love that.

[68:09]There's no note out of place,

[68:10]but the vocals suck on most of this album.

[68:14]I cannot,

[68:15]like,

[68:15]I do not like these guys' voices,

[68:17]but when Michael McDonald shows up and you got a real voice singing with

[68:20]these,

[68:20]these grooves,

[68:21]that's,

[68:22]I mean,

[68:22]that's why I think Rob,

[68:24]maybe this one speaks to you.

[68:25]Also the bass just totally,

[68:26]totally knocks.

[68:27]Maybe,

[68:28]maybe Matt likes it.

[68:29]Matt always talks about not being into the lyrics,

[68:31]being in more into the music.

[68:32]But if you listen,

[68:33]there's all these amazing instrumentals on this,

[68:35]right?

[68:35]Like you've got,

[68:36]you've got a clavinet,

[68:37]you've got something called a lyric on,

[68:38]which is like a woodwind synthesizer.

[68:40]I've never heard of this before.

[68:42]Yes.

[68:42]My instrument guy getting into it.

[68:44]There's all sorts of cool instruments on this.

[68:46]And I think it's,

[68:46]I think it's really good.

[68:47]I enjoy it.

[68:48]But if someone were to tell me this was playing in an,

[68:50]an elevator while I was going up a building,

[68:52]I wouldn't argue with them.

[68:53]Like it could be elevated elevator music,

[68:56]right?

[68:56]Right.

[68:57]Well,

[68:57]here's the instrumental break of peg.

[68:58]Listen to this.

[68:59]I mean,

[69:02]every time you listen,

[69:02]there's some,

[69:03]I won't talk.

[69:04]There's some,

[69:04]well,

[69:05]there's some great YouTube videos about how they made these songs.

[69:07]And you can just see these guys are just,

[69:09]they're mixer board.

[69:10]Yeah.

[69:11]It's what they love.

[69:11]Every time you hear,

[69:12]every time you listen to any of these songs,

[69:14]you hear something new.

[69:15]It's a little,

[69:16]little,

[69:16]three little taps of the,

[69:17]of the high hat or something like that.

[69:19]Or you hear a whistle in the background.

[69:20]Or you hear some little nuance and it's,

[69:22]that's why I think I like it so much.

[69:24]Again,

[69:24]I don't listen to lyrics.

[69:25]I,

[69:26]you know,

[69:27]I,

[69:27]I like,

[69:27]I like good music,

[69:28]good lyricists.

[69:30]I like,

[69:30]you know,

[69:31]my good voices,

[69:32]stuff like that.

[69:32]But I,

[69:32]it's like,

[69:33]I'd rather listen to the musicality of it.

[69:35]And I think this one just drips of musicality.

[69:37]So I don't know.

[69:38]The drums,

[69:39]the guitars,

[69:40]the,

[69:41]the keyboards.

[69:41]There's a lot of stuff on here.

[69:42]That's really interesting.

[69:43]I think the bass,

[69:44]the bass,

[69:44]the bass literally slaps on peg,

[69:46]even though they told him no,

[69:47]no slap in the base.

[69:48]And he slapped it anyway.

[69:49]I've got God only knows.

[69:52]Then I've got hot for teacher.

[69:54]And then I've got,

[69:55]what was my third song?

[69:56]I keep forgetting.

[69:57]Oh,

[69:57]it was a,

[69:58]a sweet thing by Van Morrison.

[70:00]And now coming in at number four is peg on an album.

[70:03]I don't really care for,

[70:04]but I've listened to peg.

[70:05]I bet a dozen times in the two days we've had since the last record.

[70:09]I love it.

[70:10]I think it's great.

[70:10]Rob,

[70:11]you were,

[70:11]you were paying a nice tribute here to Steely Dan,

[70:15]which now we've found out is two people with a bunch of instruments behind

[70:18]them.

[70:18]But there's another person out there that actually paid tribute to Steely Dan.

[70:22]I believe Walter Becker is that one of the guy's name that he passed away in

[70:25]2017.

[70:25]Is that right?

[70:26]Yes,

[70:27]he did.

[70:27]Oh,

[70:28]I didn't know that.

[70:28]So he passed away in 2017.

[70:30]And so back was actually playing one of his concerts at Ford field in

[70:34]Detroit.

[70:35]And he interrupted one of his songs to play peg at his concert to pay

[70:39]tribute to this Walter Becker.

[70:41]Here's a short clip of it.

[70:42]Oh my God.

[70:48]That's her Walter.

[70:51]Yeah.

[70:53]Nice.

[70:54]That was sweet.

[70:54]Russ is going to the bootlegs now for his bits.

[70:57]I love it.

[70:57]It's so good.

[70:58]And then he's going into where it's at right from there.

[71:00]That's cool.

[71:01]So Rob,

[71:01]Rob was paying the tribute to Steely Dan,

[71:03]but I think when it comes to paying a tribute to Steely Dan,

[71:06]who did it better?

[71:07]Beck did it better.

[71:09]Oh,

[71:10]that's so good.

[71:10]Uh,

[71:11]all right.

[71:11]Next up,

[71:12]uh,

[71:13]just like when I would play baseball on a team that wasn't very good,

[71:18]home at last nailed it.

[71:20]Got it.

[71:21]And this is where we get the pretty shuffle.

[71:25]What's the pretty shuffle.

[71:27]It's where you can hear.

[71:29]I've had to do a lot of YouTube research on this too,

[71:32]but Bernard Purdy,

[71:32]who is one of the great session drummers of all time,

[71:35]uh,

[71:36]Bernard pretty,

[71:36]pretty who played on rock steady by Aretha Franklin.

[71:38]Uh,

[71:39]you just hear a lot of that.

[71:40]He does triplets a lot.

[71:41]And so you can hear,

[71:42]it's like the drums are doing a lot in between the beats.

[71:45]So it's like,

[71:45]boom,

[71:46]ticker to dot,

[71:47]ticker to doom,

[71:48]ticker to dot.

[71:48]Ah,

[71:48]the ticker to doom,

[71:49]ticker to dot.

[71:50]You know,

[71:51]you know what,

[71:52]Aaron,

[71:52]you were hitting that on the,

[71:54]right on the money there.

[71:55]I heard this too.

[71:56]When I heard this,

[71:56]I heard symbols on this album.

[71:58]I thought the symbols on this album were bad-ass.

[72:01]So maybe Rob,

[72:02]if you can play this,

[72:02]I think this might be the pretty shuffle here.

[72:04]I don't know.

[72:05]He's playing the symbols.

[72:06]Check this out.

[72:06]Yeah.

[72:12]Yeah.

[72:12]Yeah.

[72:13]Some of those symbols.

[72:13]Yes.

[72:14]That's bad-ass,

[72:15]isn't it?

[72:16]Yeah.

[72:16]Yeah.

[72:16]A hundred percent.

[72:17]Using the whole drum set.

[72:18]Yeah.

[72:19]And was it Steve Gadd,

[72:20]who was on one of the earlier tracks?

[72:22]He's a famous drummer.

[72:23]He was on Asia.

[72:24]Right.

[72:24]And he,

[72:24]he was killing some of those percussion tracks too.

[72:27]Yeah.

[72:28]So I thought we could maybe do a list of the greatest songs ever.

[72:31]Feature the symbols.

[72:32]I mean,

[72:33]I'm here for it.

[72:34]I'm here for it.

[72:34]It's time.

[72:35]Four,

[72:36]three,

[72:37]two,

[72:38]one.

[72:39]For another.

[72:41]Another.

[72:41]Did it better.

[72:42]This is another,

[72:43]another.

[72:44]Another one.

[72:45]Back at you.

[72:46]Actually,

[72:47]I'm going to do the scariest songs.

[72:48]Can we do that?

[72:49]Oh,

[72:53]are you scared now?

[72:55]You're married,

[72:57]Russell,

[72:58]and you're going apple picking.

[73:00]Oh,

[73:00]what's that?

[73:03]You want to go on a work trip?

[73:04]Good luck clearing it with your wife.

[73:06]All right.

[73:11]First song on the list.

[73:12]This is one of Aaron's favorites.

[73:13]I believe this is the temptations.

[73:14]Ain't too proud to beg from 1966.

[73:17]Check out the symbols.

[73:18]The beginning here.

[73:19]Yes.

[73:21]Yeah.

[73:25]Just from that.

[73:26]This is another song right from the very first note.

[73:28]You know,

[73:28]it is here.

[73:30]The drum roll.

[73:30]You're the symbol.

[73:31]And now you hear David Ruffin and you're good.

[73:33]This is another one that I tried to sing in my bedroom when my parents were gone and it

[73:39]didn't sound good.

[73:39]So that's,

[73:40]I would have booed me at the time.

[73:41]I.

[73:42]God,

[73:45]that was the same episode where he told the booing somebody story.

[73:47]We didn't even get to that.

[73:48]You know the alternate lyrics to ain't too borrowed to beg as if you don't mean I'm going to drive home real fast.

[73:55]A lot of people don't know that.

[73:56]That was the original.

[73:57]Would you just,

[73:59]because when the temptations do it,

[74:01]it's cool.

[74:01]They're like,

[74:02]please don't break up with me.

[74:03]Don't dump me.

[74:04]Don't dump me.

[74:04]I do it.

[74:05]And she tells all her friends what a pathetic mess I am.

[74:07]You know what song you really would have been playing when you drove home too fast,

[74:10]Rob?

[74:11]It's the second song on the list.

[74:12]This is Steppenwolf born to be wild.

[74:14]Check out the symbols here.

[74:18]They sound perfect.

[74:19]So loud.

[74:20]Rises in every accents.

[74:26]Yes.

[74:27]If this list doesn't end with the star spangled banner,

[74:30]when they hit the symbol,

[74:31]I'd be so mad.

[74:32]It's the perfect symbol song.

[74:34]One thing I read about that song that was interesting is there's a line in it where they say heavy metal thunder.

[74:39]And that was actually the song that popularized the phrase heavy metal.

[74:43]So that's not considered a heavy metal song,

[74:45]but that's kind of one of the spots where first one to raise heavy metal.

[74:48]And they were called Steppenwolf.

[74:51]What a kick ass name.

[74:52]I mean,

[74:52]just the perfect band.

[74:54]Next up on the list.

[74:56]We got to get some disco.

[74:58]We have never,

[74:58]we haven't talked a lot of disco on this,

[75:00]on this podcast before,

[75:02]but this is the tramps disco Inferno.

[75:04]Check out the symbol at the beginning of this one.

[75:06]Oh yeah.

[75:07]Oh,

[75:11]listen to that.

[75:11]Oh,

[75:12]on the,

[75:13]on the backbeat like this song kicks ass.

[75:15]I'm going to listen to it for a little bit.

[75:16]So,

[75:18]so this was guy,

[75:19]the drummer on this was a guy named Earl young.

[75:21]And he's often credited as being the inventor of disco style rock of drumming.

[75:25]So that's like,

[75:25]he's using that high hat symbol,

[75:27]playing it through the whole song.

[75:28]And he's often credited as like,

[75:30]that's disco drumming.

[75:31]And it's this guy from this song.

[75:32]That's pretty cool.

[75:33]I heard Dan interviewed and they said disco is a major influence on this

[75:36]album actually,

[75:36]because they love that like hard driving beat that you got with disco.

[75:40]And they're like,

[75:40]we can just apply that to R and B pop.

[75:42]And I also read this guy is a Philadelphia drummer.

[75:45]It's good thing that there's one good Philadelphia drummer out there,

[75:48]right?

[75:48]Aaron,

[75:48]there's no other good drummers from Philadelphia.

[75:51]Wait a minute.

[75:53]You said,

[75:53]you said me up.

[75:55]He's just on the tonight show.

[75:56]I think,

[75:57]right.

[75:57]That joke was like a boomerang that you throw out and it just goes around the

[76:02]world.

[76:02]You think it's gone and you're like,

[76:03]where's that joke going?

[76:04]And then I got it.

[76:05]I just didn't have a great comeback.

[76:06]You know,

[76:07]I love quest love.

[76:08]I also,

[76:08]I saw an interview with Dave Grohl where he said he was also stealing from

[76:12]disco with his symbols.

[76:13]So disco had a wider influence than we all understand.

[76:16]Yeah.

[76:17]I heard that about Prince.

[76:18]Two.

[76:18]He was like,

[76:19]this,

[76:20]this,

[76:20]this symbol,

[76:21]the symbol disco here.

[76:23]What the fuck?

[76:26]Disco here on my signature line.

[76:28]Nailed it.

[76:29]Going to edit that in.

[76:30]So it sounds better.

[76:31]Okay.

[76:32]Next.

[76:32]Let me try that just one more time.

[76:34]I'm so sorry.

[76:35]Okay.

[76:35]Okay.

[76:35]Disco here on my signature line.

[76:38]Yeah,

[76:39]it's true.

[76:40]Thank you.

[76:40]I appreciate that so much.

[76:42]Worth it.

[76:44]Next up on the list.

[76:45]If I do get to use all those gift cards,

[76:46]I'm going to keep my own money.

[76:47]I'm going to take,

[76:48]I'm going to take the money

[76:48]and I'm going to run with it.

[76:49]This is the Steve Miller band.

[76:51]Check this out.

[76:51]Yeah,

[76:51]yeah,

[76:52]yeah.

[76:52]Oh,

[76:58]yes.

[76:58]The classic symbol right there.

[77:00]Yeah.

[77:00]So good.

[77:01]So I read this.

[77:03]This one was some guy named Gary Malabar,

[77:05]a session musician who prior to that's met Van Morrison

[77:09]and helped him compose moon dance,

[77:11]which Matt,

[77:12]you were saying the other week,

[77:13]isn't that your favorite Van Morrison album?

[77:14]The best one.

[77:15]So this is the guy who helped him make it.

[77:18]That's probably the best one.

[77:18]That's probably the best one.

[77:18]Did you know that he,

[77:19]that drummer married America Ferrara,

[77:21]the actress.

[77:21]And that's why he's now a Derek Malabar,

[77:24]America.

[77:25]Malabar,

[77:27]Malabar,

[77:28]America,

[77:28]Malabar.

[77:29]It used to be open at 10 o'clock.

[77:32]Now they're open at noon.

[77:33]And that's thrown me off once or twice.

[77:35]We might open until noon.

[77:37]Malabar of America.

[77:38]That should do it.

[77:40]Yeah.

[77:41]That should do it.

[77:41]Can't get any workers.

[77:42]Can't get any workers.

[77:43]What the fuck kind of mall doesn't open until noon?

[77:45]Oh yeah.

[77:45]Well,

[77:46]people don't want to go back to work for these,

[77:48]these ways.

[77:48]They just,

[77:48]man,

[77:48]you got to pay more.

[77:49]Yeah.

[77:49]The mall of America.

[77:50]Guess what?

[77:51]Nobody should be in a mall before noon.

[77:52]Okay.

[77:53]Do your fucking walking workout somewhere else.

[77:55]Old people.

[77:55]That mall is for hanging out within the afternoon.

[77:58]Yeah.

[77:59]At noon,

[77:59]you're not eating a pretzel for lunch before noon,

[78:01]Aaron.

[78:01]Otherwise it's a pretzel for breakfast.

[78:03]Well,

[78:03]that also would work.

[78:05]Yeah.

[78:05]A pretzel for brunch.

[78:06]Get out of here.

[78:07]What if you had like a,

[78:08]some bacon in it?

[78:09]Okay.

[78:11]Now I'm listening.

[78:12]I'm actually into the,

[78:13]I will,

[78:13]I would like to invest in this company.

[78:14]What if he had a whole,

[78:18]as you're a brother,

[78:22]if I got a crazy thing for you,

[78:24]brother,

[78:25]it's a pretzel with bacon in it.

[78:26]Oh my God.

[78:27]I just ate 10 of them.

[78:28]I ate like a pig.

[78:29]What if all Kogan had to go to the apple orchard and had a bunch of apples left over?

[78:33]What would his restaurant do with them,

[78:34]Rob?

[78:35]Oh,

[78:35]the pasta mania.

[78:37]He'd make it in a little hulkio,

[78:38]hulkio applesauce mania.

[78:40]The leg drop of whipped cream that comes on your,

[78:48]apple crisp,

[78:49]the stretch,

[78:49]but it's a good one.

[78:50]All right.

[78:51]Next thing on the list is this is Toto Rosanna.

[78:54]This is from 1982 and check out this high hat.

[78:57]It's a little bit more faint,

[78:58]but you'll,

[78:58]you'll hear it.

[78:59]Yeah.

[79:04]Classic.

[79:04]Yeah.

[79:05]Rock song.

[79:05]They're doing a little bit of the really interesting thing.

[79:09]Boy,

[79:09]were they influenced by Steely Dan or what?

[79:11]I mean,

[79:11]that sounds a lot.

[79:12]Yeah.

[79:13]So this drummer,

[79:13]Jeff Porcaro said he was a really respected session musician.

[79:17]And so,

[79:18]so he had this thing called the halftime shuffle.

[79:20]And he said that he based that drum solo and the symbols and

[79:24]everything on your guy,

[79:26]Aaron,

[79:27]who is your guy who,

[79:27]who,

[79:28]who the shuffle we're listening to here,

[79:29]Bernard pretty,

[79:30]pretty,

[79:30]the,

[79:32]the pretty shuffle.

[79:32]He based that drum on the pretty shuffle.

[79:35]So I thought that was a really cool way.

[79:37]You can totally hear it to take that boomerang around and,

[79:40]and,

[79:40]and the list with that.

[79:41]That's fantastic.

[79:42]You can totally hear it.

[79:43]You know what though?

[79:43]I was going to end the list,

[79:45]but I feel like Matt hasn't gotten enough fun this.

[79:47]So we get to give him one more.

[79:48]We're adding an additional song to the list tonight.

[79:50]Ooh,

[79:51]bonus.

[79:52]Matt,

[79:53]we're going to your favorite band.

[79:55]They also crushed the symbols.

[79:57]This is Pearl jam daughter.

[79:58]Check out the symbols on this one.

[80:00]Listen to that.

[80:02]Oh,

[80:05]right.

[80:05]Yeah.

[80:06]Good one.

[80:07]Dave of rootsies on this one for Matt fucking Cameron.

[80:10]Come on.

[80:10]Yeah.

[80:11]Good one.

[80:12]I,

[80:13]uh,

[80:14]I like his followup song.

[80:15]It was called daughter's friend that comes along and you got to pay for a

[80:18]train ticket for it too,

[80:19]even though she's not actually a kid.

[80:20]And you got to pay for dinner and an Uber for an extra person.

[80:23]Oh,

[80:24]do you also have to pay to get on the subway?

[80:25]Yes,

[80:26]you do.

[80:26]And does she also ditch you in the corn maze?

[80:28]Yes,

[80:28]absolutely.

[80:29]She does.

[80:29]Russ,

[80:30]I got to say that was easily a top five list.

[80:33]So good.

[80:34]Tonight,

[80:34]Russell,

[80:35]that was a top two list of tonight for sure.

[80:37]Top two of tonight.

[80:38]Yeah.

[80:38]It's scary.

[80:39]How good that list was.

[80:41]No,

[80:43]I would say nobody would actually do that.

[80:45]Many people are saying it would probably get edited out.

[80:48]Uh,

[80:48]all right,

[80:50]back to the album called Asia.

[80:52]And that's easy to pronounce for me.

[80:53]I got the news.

[80:54]There's a lot going on in this.

[81:00]This is definitely the first song we've heard where they've got the lyric

[81:03]rampage in.

[81:04]I don't think we've heard rampage in,

[81:05]in any other song.

[81:06]Have we?

[81:07]You guys remember that video game rampage where it was like God's own King

[81:10]Kong.

[81:10]Yes.

[81:11]Oh,

[81:11]that was a fun one.

[81:12]So such a fun game.

[81:13]I would play that for hours.

[81:14]Okay.

[81:14]Here's the musical break by the way,

[81:16]for,

[81:16]uh,

[81:16]I got the news,

[81:17]but,

[81:18]I would play that for hours.

[81:19]And then the rock movie.

[81:20]Oh,

[81:21]I was always the lizard or the gorilla.

[81:23]I'd pick the gorilla too,

[81:24]but I love King Kong.

[81:25]No,

[81:27]his name was actually George.

[81:28]Just let you know in the game.

[81:29]Was it?

[81:29]Oh yeah.

[81:30]That's why.

[81:30]So the movie rampage with the rock,

[81:32]that's one of the first movies I took my girls to just the three of us.

[81:35]Cause I was like a movie about rampage.

[81:37]I got to see this in the theater.

[81:38]So I took my girls.

[81:39]They fucking loved it.

[81:40]They thought it was one of the,

[81:41]we still watch that at least once every two months.

[81:44]It's so good.

[81:45]My kids get on like a rampage marathon.

[81:46]There's a scene where,

[81:47]the rock is choking a guy with his bicep and he just goes,

[81:50]that's a big arm.

[81:51]Don't fight it.

[81:51]And I was like,

[81:52]God,

[81:52]the rock is the best actor of our generation.

[81:54]So does,

[81:55]does the rock bottom the,

[81:57]like the large lizard or not?

[81:58]Does he fight the beasts or not?

[82:00]At the end,

[82:02]it's kind of weird.

[82:02]He makes sweet love to the beast after eating a bunch of sushi.

[82:05]He's taken after one of his heroes.

[82:07]Uh,

[82:10]no,

[82:10]the rock,

[82:11]the rock flies around in a plane and flexes.

[82:13]Somehow he's looking muscular flying a helicopter.

[82:15]It's wild.

[82:15]Uh,

[82:17]next up,

[82:17]I forgot we weren't doing Russell's list anymore.

[82:19]I looked at Russell.

[82:20]I was like,

[82:20]why doesn't he keep doing the list last on the song?

[82:22]We have Josie.

[82:23]This is their third single.

[82:24]By the way,

[82:25]Peg was their number one charting single at 11.

[82:27]Here's Josie.

[82:29]Sands pussycats.

[82:31]Oh,

[82:33]it's Bowie.

[82:34]This Bowie is the one that I'm thinking of when I hear this guitar sound.

[82:37]I kept hearing this all week and thinking like,

[82:39]what the hell is this?

[82:39]It sounds like fame,

[82:40]but faster and different.

[82:42]All right,

[82:44]let's get into everybody's easily understood.

[82:47]Part of the show.

[82:48]It's the rating system.

[82:50]Okay.

[82:51]Just like movies like rampage are rated PG 13.

[82:54]Actually.

[82:55]Okay.

[82:56]You know,

[82:56]there's a lot of gorillas giving people middle fingers.

[82:59]The rating system on this show is much easier to understand because I explain it every week.

[83:04]Is this album at 63?

[83:07]By the way,

[83:07]my number in high school,

[83:08]uh,

[83:09]is this rolling?

[83:11]Well-toned.

[83:12]That means it's perfectly ranked at 63.

[83:13]Oh,

[83:13]we love it here.

[83:14]It's great.

[83:15]We can't think of a better place for it.

[83:16]You know what?

[83:17]If there,

[83:17]there was an award for the best place on the list,

[83:19]this album would win it.

[83:21]It is rolling.

[83:21]Well-toned is this album better than 63.

[83:24]We should have seen it at 62,

[83:25]61,

[83:26]59.

[83:27]Any of those numbers that are higher on the list.

[83:31]And I know what you're thinking.

[83:31]Those numbers are going down.

[83:32]How are they higher?

[83:33]Well,

[83:34]if you,

[83:34]again,

[83:34]if you look at the list in numerical order,

[83:37]the higher numbers are actually lower,

[83:38]which is something to think about.

[83:39]Or is this a rolling groan?

[83:42]You hear me laugh at the end of that clip.

[83:47]You can hear just a little laugh of mine at the end.

[83:49]That means that this should not have been 63.

[83:52]It was,

[83:53]you did not enjoy it.

[83:54]It should be 64,

[83:54]65,

[83:55]66,

[83:56]67,

[83:56]68.

[83:57]What's another number,

[83:59]Aaron?

[83:59]Just think of any other number.

[84:00]You're an adult male.

[84:01]What would you say?

[84:01]34.

[84:02]Do you fucking understand this list,

[84:05]Aaron?

[84:05]It's gotta be a higher fucking number.

[84:06]That's your third strike.

[84:07]That's a candy man situation for sure.

[84:08]You said any number.

[84:09]That's such a good,

[84:10]34 is such a good number.

[84:11]Aaron,

[84:11]God damn it.

[84:12]Look into the camera and say it three times.

[84:14]Yeah.

[84:14]And by the way,

[84:16]34,

[84:17]34.

[84:17]Tell us,

[84:18]tell us what your wife.

[84:18]Oh,

[84:19]no,

[84:19]no.

[84:19]Your wife's not listening right now,

[84:20]Aaron.

[84:21]You know,

[84:21]she's not.

[84:21]What do you,

[84:22]what did she get mad at you about all those times where you didn't want to say it?

[84:25]No,

[84:25]she's not listening.

[84:26]Cause it's a candy man episode.

[84:27]Wait,

[84:28]what are you talking about?

[84:28]Oh,

[84:29]fuck.

[84:30]You don't even listen to the episodes.

[84:31]I forgot.

[84:31]Aaron,

[84:33]what do you think?

[84:33]Is this a rolling well-toned rolling bone or rolling groan?

[84:36]I think that I never appreciated this album.

[84:39]I never listened to it.

[84:40]I didn't think Steely Dan was for me.

[84:42]I listened to this album and I hear,

[84:44]I hear the echoes of this album and so many things that I like bands like,

[84:48]uh,

[84:49]are X like Thundercat,

[84:50]uh,

[84:51]use of Kamal,

[84:52]Kamal Williams,

[84:52]um,

[84:53]other folks who I really enjoy.

[84:55]And,

[84:56]um,

[84:57]uh,

[84:58]yeah.

[84:58]And I'm,

[84:59]I'm with Matt that the,

[85:00]the,

[85:01]like the real pros on this album really make it.

[85:04]I don't love the vocals.

[85:06]As I said,

[85:06]I just think if you're going to like really get such great musicians in the

[85:10]studio,

[85:10]then you should also give up.

[85:12]It's like listening to it.

[85:14]So here's the thing.

[85:15]We've been watching the magic school bus on Netflix and the title track is

[85:18]written by Lin,

[85:19]Lin Manuel Miranda.

[85:21]The dude can really write a song,

[85:23]but he can't sing them,

[85:24]but he's always going to sing on his own songs.

[85:26]And I respect him for that because he wrote them.

[85:29]He writes great songs.

[85:30]These guys wrote great songs,

[85:31]made great,

[85:32]made great grooves.

[85:33]I just wish they'd had someone else sing them.

[85:34]But all of that said,

[85:36]I think that because the grooves are so good because the musicians are so

[85:39]good,

[85:39]I'm going to give it a rolling well-toned.

[85:41]Oh,

[85:43]great.

[85:43]Now I had rolling Lin,

[85:45]well,

[85:45]Miranda own.

[85:46]I got to cross that out.

[85:47]I got to come up with a new one.

[85:48]Manuel Miranda.

[85:49]It's so hard to say.

[85:50]Uh,

[85:52]okay.

[85:52]So that's also getting edited out.

[85:53]Matt,

[85:53]what did you think?

[85:54]Rolling well-toned,

[85:55]rolling bone or rolling groan?

[85:56]Echo.

[85:56]Most of the things that Rosie said,

[85:58]you know,

[85:59]you got professionals who are at the peak of their song writing abilities.

[86:04]I think for the time they've essentially,

[86:06]if you take a,

[86:08]so if you take Stevie wonder out of the equation,

[86:10]you know,

[86:11]these guys started yacht rock,

[86:12]Stevie,

[86:13]he probably did really start yacht rock.

[86:15]I'll give,

[86:15]I'll give Rosie that,

[86:16]but,

[86:17]um,

[86:17]you know,

[86:18]I think it's just,

[86:19]it,

[86:19]it,

[86:19]you find something new every time you listen,

[86:21]it's only seven songs long.

[86:23]Uh,

[86:24]they're just awesome.

[86:26]In my opinion to listen to,

[86:27]um,

[86:28]I think they'd be horrible live.

[86:30]I don't know.

[86:31]I think it'd be great to see them live just to see,

[86:33]but I think this is absolutely a studio album.

[86:35]Um,

[86:36]and you know,

[86:37]for all that,

[86:37]I think it's,

[86:38]you know,

[86:39]for everything else we've listened to,

[86:40]I'm just going to kind of go down the middle and say it's rolling.

[86:42]Well-toned.

[86:43]Here in kind of the early sixties,

[86:45]Russell,

[86:46]what do you think?

[86:46]Rolling?

[86:47]Well-toned rolling,

[86:47]boned or rolling,

[86:48]grown echoing some of what Aaron and Matt said.

[86:51]I really love the instruments on this.

[86:53]I love the,

[86:54]the drumming.

[86:55]I love the symbols,

[86:56]the electric pianos.

[86:57]We had clavinets.

[86:58]We had roads.

[86:58]It's something called a lyric con.

[87:00]I thought the instruments were really fun on this,

[87:02]but there is,

[87:03]who knows?

[87:03]There is part of me though,

[87:05]that if you,

[87:06]in my mind,

[87:07]if I could say this is elevator music or could be considered elevator music,

[87:10]I think that it's not as exciting as some of,

[87:13]um,

[87:13]the albums we've listened to or are going to listen to.

[87:15]So I really liked a lot of the songs,

[87:17]but I have a feeling there's going to be albums coming up behind this that I'm

[87:21]going to enjoy more.

[87:21]So while I think the instruments are awesome,

[87:24]I'm just going to say rolling.

[87:25]Well-toned.

[87:26]I think it's about where it's at because the instruments are awesome,

[87:28]but I think there's going to be stuff we're going to enjoy more.

[87:30]Unfortunately,

[87:31]you're all wrong.

[87:32]The correct answer is rolling singular vision vision.

[87:35]Yeah.

[87:36]Rolling singular vision.

[87:37]Listen,

[87:38]love it or hate it.

[87:38]It's exactly what Steely Dan wanted.

[87:41]It's a lot like this podcast.

[87:42]You either want to hear about it,

[87:43]you want to hear about time machines and fuck fest or you don't.

[87:45]Okay.

[87:45]Then guess what?

[87:46]We're not going to care.

[87:46]We're not going to change.

[87:47]It doesn't matter.

[87:48]Coming up next week.

[87:49]No,

[87:50]sorry,

[87:51]miss Jackson.

[87:52]This is for real.

[87:53]The next album is 24 songs and 72 minutes long.

[87:58]It is stanconia by out.

[88:00]Nice.

[88:01]That'll be fun.

[88:02]Don't pull the thing.

[88:03]Unless you're ready to bang.

[88:04]Sorry,

[88:07]miss Jackson.

[88:07]I can already work on a song for that.

[88:08]Probably,

[88:09]but you're just too lazy to look it up online.

[88:12]You want to talk about some,

[88:13]maybe you'll want to hear.

[88:15]Yeah.

[88:15]Andre.

[88:16]Why do you jack it so much?

[88:19]Son?

[88:20]I already wrote the next week's song for you.

[88:22]Beck did it better.

[88:25]Rob,

[88:27]we should start a new Netflix horror movie and it would be called the candy

[88:31]apple,

[88:32]man.

[88:32]It would be based on your experience at the apple orchard.

[88:35]Your wife asked you three times,

[88:36]tells you three times.

[88:37]You don't actually have to go apple picking if you don't want to.

[88:39]The apple man,

[88:41]candy,

[88:42]apple man,

[88:42]candy,

[88:43]candy,

[88:43]apple man.

[88:44]He'd be like,

[88:45]I'm here to kill you.

[88:45]I'd be like,

[88:46]all right,

[88:46]yes.

[88:47]Let me put down this giant bag of apples.

[88:49]I am ready to go.

[88:50]Sweet death.

[88:50]Take me now.

[88:51]Just kidding.

[88:53]Had a really fun time.

[88:54]Love my family.