The BEST OF THE BECK LINE

[00:00]Hi, everyone. This is Rob from Beck Did It Better. Well, it finally happened. The four of us could not get together to record an episode this week, so we put together a best of clip show for all you Beckerheads who would have something to listen to. I also think this is a good dropping off point for new listeners because we go through some of the running jokes we've had. So if you think of anyone that you would think enjoyed this podcast, this is a great episode to share with them. Now, if they're anything like me, when somebody recommends a podcast, I say thanks that I never listened to it, but maybe you'll have more success. I also want to take the time to thank Russ, Aaron, and Matt for doing the show, and I can't tell you how much fun it's been podcasting with them over the last year. I especially want to thank Russ for pulling all these clips this week. I also want to thank our hardcore fans who have been calling and texting the Beck line at 802-277-BECK, emailing us at beckdiditbetter at gmail.com, and following us at beckdiditbetter on Instagram, Twitter, and even TikTok. Now, a quick word about the ep. Some of our early episodes had dubious sound quality, so I want to apologize in advance. Well, here we go. Best of Beck Did It Better. We couldn't record this week, we were just too tired.

[01:09]So Russ picked out clips that he thought were inspired. Russell did a great job. The clips mostly inspired. They involve Rob. These clips are some of our best. At least they're all above average. Russell picked out every one. So email him if you are upset. Clip shows what you're stuck with. We all just want a little rest. All Rob had to do was some edits.

[02:02]But then he went and got a special guest. When you want to hear about the greatest albums of all time. But you're just too lazy to look it up online. If you want to hear four guys who chat and then they get off track. I've got the perfect podcast for you, Jack. Best of Beck Did It Better. Welcome to K-Rob K-R-O-B. This week we're playing all the Christmas classics. So cuddle with your sweetie in front of the Yule log. Make some hot chocolate and listen to this new hit. The 12 episodes of this funny podcast feed. Oh yeah. On the first episode of this funny podcast feed. Aaron wants to see feet. On the first episode of this funny podcast feed. Aaron wants to see feet. On the second episode of this funny podcast feed.

[03:04]Russ, Ellie, Nyes, and Aaron wants to see feet. On the third episode of this funny podcast feed. Matt's a mean old daddy, Russ, Ellie, Nyes, and Aaron wants to see feet. On the fourth episode of this funny podcast feed. On the sixth episode of this funny podcast feed. Matt's a mean old daddy, Russ, Ellie, Nyes, and Aaron wants to see feet. On the fifth episode of this funny podcast feed. Looking for wives that swing. On the sixth episode of this funny podcast feed. Matt's a mean old daddy, Russ, Ellie, Nyes, and Aaron wants to see feet. Looking for wives that swing. On the sixth episode of this funny podcast feed. Matt's a mean old daddy, Russ, Ellie, Nyes, and Aaron wants to see feet. On the sixth episode of this funny podcast feed. Matt's a mean old daddy, Russ, Ellie, Nyes, and Aaron wants to see feet. Looking for wives that swing. Matt's a mean old daddy, Russ, Ellie, Nyes, and Aaron wants to see feet. On the fifth episode of this funny podcast feed. Looking for wives that swing. Looking for wives that swing. Looking for wives that swing. Looking for wives that swing. Looking for wives that swing. Looking for wives that swing. Looking for wives that swing. Looking for wives that swing. Looking for wives that swing. Looking for wives that swing. Looking for wives that swing. Looking for wives that swing. Looking for wives that swing. Looking for wives that swing. Looking for wives that swing. Looking for wives that swing. Looking for wives that swing. Looking for wives that swing. Looking for wives that swing.

[04:00]Looking for wives that swing. Looking for wives that swing. Looking for wives that swing. Looking for wives that swing. Looking for wives that swing. On the sixth episode of this funny podcast feed. Looking for wives that swing. Looking for wives that swing. Looking for wives that swing. Erin wants to see feet. On the seventh episode of this funny podcast feed. Sleep in the garage, bleep joke of the week, looking for wives that swing. Records from Russell's mom, Matt's a mean old daddy, Russ selling knives. And Erin wants to see feet. On the eighth day episode of this funny podcast feed. Yes. Dirty Big Bopper, sleep in the garage, bleep joke of the week. Looking for wives that swing. Looking for wives that swing. Records from Russell's mom, Matt's a mean old daddy, Russ selling knives. And Erin wants to see feet. On the ninth episode of this funny podcast feed. Herbie Man's push push, Dirty Big Bopper, sleep in the garage, bleep joke of the week. Looking for wives that swing. Records from Russell's mom, Matt's a mean old daddy, Russ selling knives. And Erin wants to see feet. On the ninth episode of this funny podcast feed.

[05:00]Herbie Man's push push, Dirty Big Bopper, sleep in the garage, bleep joke of the week. Looking for wives that swing. Looking for wives that swing. Records from Russell's mom, Matt's a mean old daddy, Russ selling knives. podcast feed herbie man's push push dirty big popper sleep in the garage bleep joke of the week looking for one take records from russell's mom and aaron wants to see feeds on the 10th episode of this funny podcast feed great rating system herbie man's push push dirty big popper sleep in the garage bleep joke of the week looking for records from russell's rolling bones mean old daddy russell selling knives and aaron wants to see feeds on the 11th episode of this funny podcast feed voicemail from krista great rating system

[06:00]herbie man's push push dirty big popper sleep in the garage bleep joke of the week looking for why you swing i would have done for a second you could have easily come up with 11 fake dates for her and aaron wants to see those dirty feeds on the 12th episode of this funny podcast feed we have 12 total downloads voicemail from kirsten great rating system herbie man's push push dirty big popper sleep in the garage bleep joke of the week records from russell's mom that's a mean old daddy russell selling knives and aaron wants to see our wives when you want to hear about the greatest of all time there you go if they were to redo that that would be the best

[07:00]i've got the perfect podcast for you jack beck did it better all right everybody that was fantastic rob that was beautiful happy holidays and welcome to beck did it better that bit was way longer than i thought when i listened to it the first time that was humiliating to sit here and watch that but here you know what i've got to introduce you to a guy who's been doing this for a long time he's been doing this for a long time i've got three guys who all separately texted me this week saying please don't use the joke jingle balls on the episode so guys this is going to be a jingle balls episode free screw that up all right here we go uh rob i'm like i'm rob i'm in new york i'm like the christmas music of this podcast i'm really fun at the beginning and then after a while you get sick of it because it keeps going on and on i've got russ who's a lot like the santa of the podcast but he's less jolly he also doesn't give us anything but he he's got that kind of look the silver hair and beard so we got to get to the end of it russ how are you doing hey rob instead of one day of online dating rejection i've had eight crazy

[08:07]nights uh i've got matt in uh minneapolis matt's like our frosty the snowman he mostly just sits there but every once in a while he comes in life to life god dang it there you go take a swig all right well thanks for having me rob glad to be here and we've got aaron and kelly and i have a question for you guys we've got a question for you guys we've got a question california and aaron has just in the beginning when we were all talking before this he just kept saying merry christmas in a pretty aggressive way and then keeps talking to say that about the war on christmas aaron how are you doing good luck with that i just got nothing all right aaron merry christmas we're sorry excited to talk about holidays with you all before we start talking about our favorite holiday songs and what makes the holidays so great we actually this week our first ever text message what oh a text message and this is why this is scary back line this is the they they

[09:04]bexted they bext they use the bext line rob how do you how do you bext what what what is the number okay well if you want to bext just send your age sex and location to 802-277-2325 that's 802-277 beck and once again if you send any pictures of your feet i will forward those to aaron no questions asked whatsoever my favorite thing about your song rob is i there was no part of you that ever thought once about not having the first thing be aired oh no pichon for feet as you put it like you had to repeat that 12 times no i sat down to write the song and that was already there like it just came out it was like magically already i was like yeah it's giving you a dream like the silver beetles it's a it's that's the only rhyme i tried to make was a partridge in a pear tree i was like feet perfect rhyme i'm so good at this this is crazy poet you don't even know it so didn't even need rhyme.com for that one it's so true so easy uh all right so the text message this is actually a text message from houston from a houston number so i think this might be a legit stranger we did last episode ask for a stranger

[10:04]to uh to call in or to give us a text and i think we got one and so here it is i'm going to read it russ glue of the show could do his own radio show oh i don't know russ i would love that russ the russ radio show i would listen to that uh and then uh call in and then talk over russ most of the time uh i have matt insightful takes quietest all right fitting thank you matt for playing off that i like that when we get a nice repartee going i think that's really fun and funny for the podcast aaron wtf sometimes is he high most shows aaron the reviews are in you suck wow i've never been high for any of these shows no this is actually what he's like yes that's just how you function in normal society like this is how i just walk around talking this way yeah if you want somebody that has strong opinions on the dave bruback five you are talking to the right guy right now well i have to say in honor of in honor of our holiday album tonight i am drinking a

[11:03]gin and tonica and i'm wondering if aaron's smoking marihuana i am not smoking marihuana i don't know where these callers would get this idea so i think that was all from the text message that was all from the bex and what they what the texture what the bexter say about you rob was it was it from mike jones was it 281-330-800-FO we don't need to read what it says about me okay let's hear it let's hear it says rob funny pervy you know actually this is is this just my like this looks like my cv this is my linkedin profile actually yeah rob funny pervy howard stern like in a good way good show boys oh that's good show boys so there we go it's a compliment i gotta say for the three of us it was quite quite complimentary aaron being accused of what the fuck sometimes is he only i like that would make i don't know if aaron's gonna sleep all the night but the rest of us i think feel pretty proud of this so if you want to contact the bex line 802-277-2325 and like we said we are still looking

[12:06]for pictures of feet okay i would love to text pictures of feet to aaron i would get a big kick out of that do you think do you think this uh guy or gal texted in because they just couldn't get through your message on the beck line it feels like 10 minutes of me doing a bit it's like hey guys what's the deal with answering machines uh you call and they answer it's not even a machine anymore well see you later my other favorite part of this is that i'm not a machine i'm not a machine is that the three of us that have no performance history we've never been singers we've never been in plays or shows or anything all got compliments that aaron who is went to school for being a performer is the one getting ripped by our list by our vexer from houston man i guess i don't play well in houston i'm not big in texas i can't imagine you would play well at houston aaron i've been to houston yeah maybe not okay aaron just don't say anything weird this episode and i think we're gonna be just fine just fine i'm never gonna have it all right so let's has this caller listened to my my needle drop

[13:02]has this bexter i played port arthur texas's own ugk in my needle drop list i don't think this person really is from houston i don't think slobber dog has made the houston top 500 songs in the last few years so you might get there eventually and if you want to look up the phone number look up houston 500 that's the phone number and uh actually don't google that anybody that's a joke that's only funny if you actually know what that is a bunch of guys in an orgy and some of them are dressed in a gorilla mask and it makes no sense it's a gangbang and the two guys have a gorilla mask what is your search history like what is your search history like you don't do this on your work how to delete search histories it's a vicious spiral of how to delete histories and then it just keeps popping up and the tech guys were suspicious the only websites on my history were how to delete history and nothing else and they're like wait a minute so when you when you are when you have the website this is how to delete history and then you click delete

[14:02]is that still up there like will it never go away because you constantly have to google it because when you try to delete it you're back on the page it's a it's a it's a terrible terrible cycle you can't win it's like the sequel to that movie inception and you're just constantly in in different phases of deleting your search history that's like the houston 500 sequel called conception all right so speaking of a mecca of conception it's the holidays um let's talk about let's talk about some of these christmas songs but oh wait what's that i hear well it's a little louder than i thought but what's that i hear out on the horizon why guys look who's coming to visit oh ho ho baby it's me it's a big bopper claws big bopper claws doesn't like the how this jingle bells isn't that long it's more annoying than big bopper claws thought it would be ho ho ho you might think that big bopper claws is a big bopper claws did a christmas song one time and i'm gonna play it for you right now

[15:00]well my lifespan was so short baby i didn't even get a christmas song oh that's sad yeah i had i had one big hit i had actually had two big hits i had chantilly lace and then the plane hit in the ground you know what i mean that's too soon that's too soon well that's too soon big bopper claws joke is rolling boned big bopper made a tactical error and came out with his hardest stuff right off the bat anything else would be big trouble just get it off so the big bopper claws is gonna say ho ho hey baby you know what i like and aaron i'm not getting you that for a present that was sick what you said i can't even understand how you'd use that okay ho ho ho ho see you later big bopper claws guys i'm excited if i had a time machine i would go ahead to next christmas so i could hear big bopper claws part two i think that's a hit it's a character's a great hit after when matt said that joke was rolling boned i feel bad that i sent my nieces and nephews a big bopper

[16:01]claws on the shelf and i know i'm gonna feel terrible about that big bopper's watching over you baby before we get any farther guys i got news for you the beck line is actually kind of taking off so we're going up all right hi my name is krista and i am a first-time listener long-time listener and i just want to share that i feel like you really missed the boat when talking about eleanor rigby in your most recent podcast what um you missed the fact that eleanor rigby was the inspiration listen to this podcast for the classic song bong bong by cisco he um borrowed the beat from the song but he also was inspired by the violinist and the cellist but completely rewrote the string section so that he wouldn't have to deal with copyright issues

[17:04]since michael jackson owned the rights to the beatles music at that time and that was his inspiration for writing that song that i danced to so many times at the long ago bar known as bar abilene in uptown minneapolis r.i.p bar abilene but yeah shout out bar abilene table side walk among yourself musical experts for not knowing that thank you listen us dancing at bar abilene to thonks like you don't have to talk to russell and i about doing this that was what just we called a thursday that wasn't even our weekend that was just a normal time so i went to bar abilene to watch the timberwolves play against the grizzlies when they had pau gasol i feel like i was missing the boat oh my god i'm at bar abilene i almost fell asleep from that story and there went all and there went all of our listeners the old pau gasol story i have to say though immediately hearing this voicemail from a woman saying that i did something wrong already it's just it's typical

[18:03]it's frustrating i thought my eleanor rigby take about me being the lonely person who had to pick up the rice was probably my greatest music take ever and then it turns out the one woman who listens to our podcast decided she needed to call it and say actually we got that completely wrong listen if you're a woman who listens to the podcast and you want to tell us what we've done in our wrong in our life 802-277 i think i think i know krista from minneapolis minnesota or minneapolis i forget where she's from i i let's i have her i have her number i could just put it out it comes into the google line we just say it now we're doxing callers to the back line let me just say that out of everybody i know krista was the expert of the dance floor at bar abilene in the early 2000s and so except for russ and i except for you and russ but i think she had cj the the bouncer at the uh at the door he had a he had like a belt buckle that would light up i think it said his name it like scrolled

[19:02]across like cj was classic i think she knew i think she had cj on her uh speed dial um so yes if anybody knows about cisco about uh you know anybody else some nelly some um miley cyrus i think krista knows and so we need to uh pay attention to what she's saying and take it her word for it all all all equally good to the beatles i'm saying when she makes the thong podcast i'm calling him this by the way a cisco podcast would be the world's shortest podcast it would be about a half an episode and they do exactly what we're doing now and then they'd be like well i guess that's it i like that drew hill song in my bed that was my favorite cisco song wait there are multiple cisco songs i cannot hit the song clip this early in the podcast it was a great great song about finding somebody else sleeping in your bed in my bed by drew okay so you said you weren't gonna call to the cisco podcast and now here hey this is rosie i'm calling the cisco podcast uh so i wanted to talk about actually the other

[20:04]song that we all know from cisco which is definitely called in my bed or something like that uh you know cisco lives in minnesota now no does he hang out with master p he married a girl from maple grove he lives up in maple grove yep i did not know that so cisco lives in minnesota cisco is in the suburbs cisco is in the suburbs he's one of us does this mean that i am not the most famous man in minnesota with gray hair that cisco is more famous than me in minnesota so so that cisco's gray hair i was reading i read more articles today about cisco than most people have i bet today how many articles are there on cisco there can't be like this plethora this library if you type in eleanor rigby and cisco there's more articles than you would guess and and he said that at the time he had never heard of cisco he had never heard of cisco he had never even seen a thong on a woman before he wrote the song he just knew they were out there they're like this mystical thing because he's like in 90 you know in 90 whatever they weren't that popular but he said that somebody said oh yeah i was on a date and some girl handed me your thong the thong

[21:03]thong thong and he's like oh i gotta make that into a song and he said that when he made the song it's like when um moses went up to the rock and he went up to get the tablets and he had black hair and then when he came down he had seen god so he had gray hair that's why he dyed his hair gray because his thong song was the equivalent of the ten commandments thou shall not get underwear that covers your whole butt yeah i think he was a gospel musician as a kid so that makes sense i think he's steeped in the tradition i i cannot play the sound clip this early i cannot play that rosie's left field but you know what you did just say that cisco was a gospel musician i think so what the hell is he talking about we've been recording about two minutes keep that one at the top you're gonna have to use it again i'm sure i'm sure i got another one sure i got another one i have to admit hearing his story about his gray hair sounds like a much better bumble opener than me just saying i just look old and my hair's genetic i'm not gonna change

[22:03]that now my hair my hair is genetic i like that i did not do they think maybe you dyed it that way that you dyed it gray like cisco you just tell him yeah you went to cisco's hairstylist ciscut ciscut you better trademark that now just everybody it's just an ad of me cutting hair and everyone coming out has gray short hair hey come on down to ciscut wait i can do this better hey come on down to ciscut back to school special 20 off any kid under the age of 17 it's just like a thong it's 80 by the way thongs i do have to say thongs are like have such a place in my life i need to hear more about this right of like they they basically changed my life when i when i started dating

[23:00]a girl and she had a thong i was just like this is the greatest day of my life that the one girl i'm dating in high school wears a thong i was like this and she will just show it to me i was like i was like that was my 10 commandments you know what i mean it was like the all shall look at ass that was one what was number two thou will cover your girlfriend's mom thou shall not or thou shall all right what's number three can we come up with 10 oh yeah i can come up with 10 commandments of me in high school all right let's go right to thou shall not covet your mom or thou shall shall ask your first girlfriend to stick out her tongue and you would suck on it for some reason you thought that was a cool thing to do i'm surprised that wasn't a top two but looking back it's kind of like this male like in charge thing that makes you feel kind of ill now uh those four okay okay thou shall not clean your car even though a girl's gonna get in the car and it's like the number one thing you can do to show that you're a normal person okay thou shall get

[24:04]upset when this girl dumps you and say that you're gonna regret this tour which is now something actually ironically you regret for the rest of your life that was a big bummer the way i acted when i got dumped was the most pathetic thing if i if i could go back in time and tell myself like just i'd be like don't you're gonna get dumped just say okay well it's been really nice and i appreciate all the time you know whatever you in 20 years you're gonna talk about this on a podcast and you're gonna feel real stupid yeah no instead of you're gonna regret this and and this is what i said this is really embarrassing for me to say this but i'm a new i'm a 2020 male i can say this i said i'm gonna drive my car home really fast i mean you can imagine that's like something my 11 year old would say to me right now and i'm like okay you gotta go to bed i'm are you happy that if i die oh my god so pathetic meanwhile aaron's like just like making out with two girls i i picture him in a car another girl's driving of course

[25:00]he's in the front seat in the middle he's got two girls he's like is this podcast stereo can you hear this if i go hold on hold on i gotta change my prescription glasses to my purple john lennon sunglasses oh the tint is too dark on these none of those things ever happen i mean the purple sunglasses happen but the question is am i gonna keep this in where i talk about how pathetic i am but i think i have to well you got number six so okay what's number seven rob stay tuned for next week when we reveal the other four commandments of rob in high school yeah yeah i think i think it's a cliffhanger oh thou shall wear a sweater vest because your girlfriend bought you one and you walk in and everybody laughs at you that's just smart thinking if your lady buys you a shirt you wear the shirt man okay we got we got three more we're getting close we're almost there we got three more okay uh thou shall do a weird thing where she gets naked and you only take your shirt off for the whole relationship

[26:00]do we do we need to put rob in the corner for advice or what rob might need some advice okay we got number okay we got two more minnesota has affected me deeply and looking back of course that's the old you know shirt in the pool but like the opposite somehow you know what i mean like you're hiding your best this is like this is my therapy uh and it's actually been more expensive than therapy after buying all this equipment uh got two more two more uh thou shall take a woman on a date on a first date and order just the appetizer sampler as the meal well i mean that's that's a way to weed out the ones that that are not worthy right like if they're not down with the mozzarella sticks the onion rings oh no that was jenny that was my junior year of college so that one worked when i did that i could legally drink so that just kind of shows like wait but it

[27:00]worked for you so you're saying the whole time when i've i've been wanting to take every girl i've gone out with to perkins for an appetizer sampler and every time i've thought well i better not do that i better not do that you're telling me what it worked uh so you're some kind of simp that just orders one appetizer idiot no i think i think what you really want on a date is for most of the time you feel like you need to go to the bathroom so bad that your stomach isn't going to explode that's the number one key to being on a great date eat a bunch of yeah cheese curds and stuff real early and the tenth commandment of me coming down picture me i've got cisco hair i'm coming down oh i guess the tenth commandment is uh thou shall always act like you're looking around at other women at all times i think women really like that actually i think that's the number one key to being on a great date actually i was uh i was in an airport once with jenny and i was the girls were like i don't know what this was after i was married with two kids and the kids were like five and three and this girl started this woman started talking to me at the airport she was pretty attractive um and she said what are you doing i said oh i'm flying with my sister and her two kids

[28:05]and jenny was right there uh and she didn't look happy but i think it really showed her what kind of alpha male i was and that women like that is everybody is everybody still recording oh that's too bad we're at 19 minutes episode guys you might be shocked with who this is from oh hey it's krista again kristen um first of all i should say i am actually really enjoying the podcast i feel like i do call in with a lot of criticisms from time to time but i am enjoying it i listen to it on my runs um each week and i'm inspired to listen to it listen to different music i will say that i think you should go for it with a new updated list as if you want it to be best albums of all time it should include albums from all time and their

[29:00]old list left out several years of albums i'm just saying that but then also um i am a little confused by the chore that matt says he doesn't like to do which is folding laundry because because he doesn't actually have to fold the laundry and neither does his wife wait a minute i suggest wait a minute now matt and see who actually does wait a minute now who does the rob is like twisting in his chair he is so excited wait a minute now i'm so excited krista brought this up but rob is like physically when you finally got her name right so good work russell yeah kirsten makes a good point uh last episode i was made fun of for having somebody a friend who helps out around the house okay and basically the purpose of my friend is to try to make my wife less angry at me at all times which is uh she's feeling spectacularly but she's trying so matt what is going on this is the laundry this is laundry 20 laundry 2020 mystery if matt what's

[30:07]going on if i remember right the question was what chore do you hate the most no no no that's not what the that's not what the what was the question it doesn't matter did we ask johnny cocker is johnny cochran and beck did it better today is this robert kardashian joining us yeah is bill clinton what depends on what the meaning of is is yeah matt i am at your house i am watching the laundry get folded what am i seeing a little maury povich you know i don't so this is a multi i categorically deny this yeah so the question was what chore do you hate the most i hate folding laundry nobody asked if i actually folded the laundry what'd you do what's the solution what's the solution so the solution is and we also talked about and i don't think my mom knows what podcasts are so i don't think she's gonna catch up with this unless my wife shares why are all your shirts so wrinkly that you're wearing i bet matt just throws away all his clothes after

[31:06]one use and goes and buys new ones with podcast revenue guys these paper pants are revolutionary that's why you buy so many champion double knit sweatshirts he's like other folks just buy like i got on right now nice vikings one day there you go 38 bucks ebay it's nice all right let's let's wrap this up oh yeah we're very busy so two things my mom comes over watches my kids for about three hours a couple times a week she's retired she makes the kids got nothing going on she she comes over she folds my laundry my mom comes over and folds my laundry i'm 39 years old i'm a millennial my mom comes over and when i say one-on-one what i mean is that she's finding one sock and then another sock

[32:03]and putting them together and meanwhile matt was yelling at her about the list god damn it mom rolling stone change a list oh and by the way you you didn't put away the shirt in the right drawer put it in the wrong shop shelf so no it started out as a thing where she you know we had laundry i was gonna fold it she's like well i'll just fold it i mean this is years ago now though right so i mean we're talking this has been going on for a very long time so and krista knows that it's a big joke krista from minneapolis knows it's a ha ha krista you got me kristen whatever your name is but now you're calling her by the wrong name is that just me oh or whatever he or whatever this is mad man i love it no so my mom does it she's very nice in return i get i i all i do is i get my mom and i get my all i ask for for my birthday all i ask for christmas no no no every year is nothing just keep folding my clothes and i'm happy so thank you so i could go i could go i gotta i got a thing in my right over there in that drawer in my in my kitchen it says one year's worth of

[33:04]laundry folding for my mom so that's what we got we're uh you know go ahead all these weeks of me being ripped on for not being a fully functioning adult not knowing how to pick out properly live flowers and then i'm like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm gonna and it turns out i can do my own laundry and let and let my grass grow too long and matt can do that but he can't do his own laundry his mom i feel like i should issue uh beck did a better apology for all the people who have contributed to the go fund me i started for a laundry folding service for matt so everybody who contributed uh maybe let's take some suggestions for what else you'd want to give that money to because i started this go fund me for matt and uh turns out i didn't matt matt's bought four sweatshirts of the list and all he gives to his mom is a homemade paper certificate hey on the back side it says free back rub i mean it sounds like my wife for anniversary man give me a break it's gold star every week keep it up mom

[34:01]i'm gonna email your mom a copy of this podcast i think she'll love it yeah that's jone thank you very much we appreciate it you do a great job thanks for everything thank you so there is that better it's not that i don't know how to fold my laundry i hate folding laundry though my mom knows it she folds it for us so no i'm not i'm not going to apologize for it i'm uh i'm just gonna eat that one and go well you certainly didn't fully disclose it last time that was noticeably you guys you guys didn't you didn't say what is the chore you don't like to do what is we just said your mom to take care of yeah yeah so live all right it's a lie by omission thanks kirsten for for me minneapolis well no wait i don't know if we're done with this yet i can i have your mom's address because i have a certificate here for two years of free laundry folding that i want to send her i think that would help all right all right that's enough break it up you two that was one

[35:03]on one with aaron oh yeah that's good i don't think we've had a mom i don't think we've had a one-on-one the moms for a while yeah it's been it's been a minute it's been a minute but hey let's say krista appreciate you listening always appreciate you calling in so appreciate it all of our listeners no doubt yeah i don't they're dumb as shit to listen to this shit get a life yeah and you know what i'm above our listeners oh i'm a listener i like to you know what we're making the content you guys are adding like two minutes a week we're doing the heavy lifting here but please keep calling in i'm sorry i'm gonna edit that out just get mad just get mad at the listeners okay believe it or not i'm gonna edit that out believe it or not two weeks in a row we've got a voicemail to the beck line 802-277-BECK oh yeah and i gotta push this button hey it's my favorite beck boys it's sarah from minnesota had to call in with just a couple of things um number one we also do not own a microwave

[36:06]so there are other people in the world what that do not own microwaves we enjoy things up in a or on the stove top and we make popcorn in a whirly pop old-fashioned nobody enjoys eating stuff up in a toaster oven wanted to call it i'm content being single and this is a little bit more serious i guess uh just a little bit of constructive criticism uh in the last couple of episodes i've noticed a huge increase um a rapid increase of saying that a song bangs and while when you first started using that phrase i thought it comes a great compliment to us sound really like they know what they're talking about and i love that but the einstein's podcasting happening as i said in the last couple of episodes i'm feeling a little bit like

[37:03]it kind of takes away from the actual banginess of a song that might actually bang anyway jim horn for life he banged all right so once again it's a female voicemail caller criticizing us so essentially my understanding is she thinks the fact that we say the song bangs takes away from the fact that it actually bangs well i was doing some research into this and what i realized is that when uh i was listening to the fleetwood mac i went back and listened to all our episodes i was listening to fleetwood mac i did say this song bangs this album bangs i said it a number of times they're bangers they're bangers but i'm gonna stand by it those are bangers i don't know what else to say i how i mean they're all bangers if you are if you have songs as good as fleetwood max on rumors i'll what can i say they're certified bangers that whole album bangs stevie nick's hair she's got bangs

[38:04]hey fleetwood mac what's he playing a drum well guess how he plays it he bangs it okay well he stepped on that a little bit i'll edit that in post all right so you know normally i think we would go to the joke apology sound clip and we'd play it we'd laugh okay aaron do you think we should play the joke apology sound clip i'm not sure we need to apologize i feel like we could probably figure out another way to we can probably come up with something else aaron texted me and said please play this apology sound clip but aaron you know that's swearing at a woman and i'm against that that's sick they would want to do that so instead i decided we would make a beck did it better playlist it's got all our favorite songs on there this is going to be a good one i'm going to this is going out to sarah uh i want to play this as an apology i'm just going to say that these songs really really rock okay i think they're songs i think that she's going to really like them so here's here's one of my first songs that i really really love i mean this song is a groove bang bang baby

[39:08]the song pops it pops this is off the album beach sleeper by desiree cannon from oakland california of course this is the one aaron sent in i had to like do a deep you're going in reverse order right so you got your top five and that was number five yeah that was number five this is this is so all right these are this is number four on the songs that are randomly put together no theme to them whatsoever we just thought sarah would like them let's see what this one is there's a little share coming at you share oh share nancy sinatra song wow oh i like it this song this song maybe just the word bang in the title this song rocks the house kind of song it rocks it rocks aaron aren't you caught that's what we're doing this song maybe you could play along too aaron and help out a little bit all right i found randomly this song you know i i wanted to include something you know when i'm doing a best of list

[40:04]i've got to include they might be giants one of my favorite bands of all time here's oh i love this song guys you know this song to me it kind of whales grooves yeah it kind of does a whale a little bit it whales and it grooves aaron do you have something clever to say i think it knocks this one knocks oh there we go all right the next one i've got uh t-rex okay both a band and a dinosaur by the way a lot of people don't know yes okay i think sarah's gonna love this song this goes on the beck did it better uh mixtape that we're making for her oh yeah well this thumps this thumps you know what i'm gonna say you hear that thump there i think it's i think it's kind of whips i can't tell if it thumps or it thuds one of the two am i thud i'll tell you what though

[41:03]if you're looking for a song that you're really gonna love let's go to number one on my playlist okay and i'm gonna say this song it slaps oh oh let's hear a slap let's hear one that slaps this is william hung of course hitting a ricky martin oh yes this pounds i mean this is i just can't think of the right word for this song it's just what is he talking about when he says she bangs i don't know he keeps whacking some instrument i can't really tell what's going on now i think it's going to be a lot of fun i think it's going to be a lot of fun i think it's going to be a lot of fun i do want to say this okay so all jokes aside okay unless you're as dumb as a rock you probably get what we're doing i just want to play this song i want to play this song wait a minute wait you have to say that right what are we doing i'm actually going to preempt i'm going to preemptively do this that was aaron's left hand taking okay so he obviously did a whole string of joke about bags

[42:07]right listen to the fucking song that aaron sends me he like emails me the song he's like oh you gotta put this on the list i was like what the fuck are you talking about okay listen to this this clonks this is clonking no but she says bomb bomb so he's like it's a dancehall classic it's b-a-m b-a-m this this is a bammer this is a bammer this bomb bombs for sure it clangs on the list it clangs this is what i'm dealing with as the host of this show is i get emails and say oh bomb bomb that should be good for this joke and i was like okay but i'll definitely put it on there i always love those bomb bomb popsicles the red white and blues those were the best oh what uh that's a dancehall

[43:01]classic that gets that gets quit that's gonna lead us straight into our first track on the album lost ones i'm so excited it would unless we were doing our next segment which you would think that that that bit i just did would lead into the album lost ones i'm so excited i'm so excited i'm so excited the album because it actually relates but it doesn't i want to talk about a review we got on itunes recently where somebody who we don't know wrote uh a lot of factual errors but i was laughing too hard to care and i just want to say to that person for taking the time to write that comment fuck off what are you talking about that's exactly what this podcast is that's exactly what this is rob you know sometimes we may make errors and we're willing to apologize we should give this person who who is the the commenter that left that comment uh it was uh michael small dick 67 it was mike music 46 so yeah let's you know what he's you're right let's apologize i mean we make we make ears once in a while aaron aaron doesn't always do his research apology from beck did it better i'd like to take this chance to apologize to absolutely nobody beck does it better podcast oh yeah so i do like the fact that i think it was an episode ago i was

[44:08]begging if you don't know us and you're listening email us so we feel good somebody actually does it and they immediately make me mad by giving me any sort of feedback whatsoever i wasn't listening to some old episodes though thinking like what did i get wrong like what could have possibly been my error and i did mention on one episode that i do have a small penis as a joke and i think that's probably what he was referring to but to mike's point i mean we don't promise anything less than what he just told us we are right we'll we'll listen to some songs we'll state some facts that we think are correct and you know it'll be pretty darn funny wait we're supposed to be trying to be correct on this i was just no not even close not even close yeah aaron's like wait we're supposed to tell jokes on this yeah i'm not yeah i'm not out here trying to be funny my guess is that comment came immediately after aaron got wilson pickett and and what's the other one wilson phillips wilson phillips confused we're the only we're the only podcast that says wilson pickett and then the other one

[45:04]there's no way that voicemail came after that what was that a voicemail or a message an itunes review an somebody took the time to like log in and review push the review there's no no chance in hell that review came after after matt screwed up offspring in oasis no chance no chance they probably did it after we said that prince would be a good ending soccer song and they were like uh factually incorrect sir thank you very much thanks for nothing clear the square yeah so dr smells like fuck off all right so let's get right into it today we've got a lot of content today okay guys and i'm definitely not nervous about covering this album because i don't have a lot of time to do it don't have much to say about it so let's go to our voicemail we've got a super special voicemail that was set up so this ep this is coming out in three weeks what's the date in three weeks do you guys know it's like january maybe like the 13th is that right somewhere around there all right so tuesday right it comes around a very special time of year it's our favorite is this before or after

[46:04]the climate czar takes office here uh okay well just before we're not going right into politics right off the bat russell i know you love it hey it's christopher minneapolis just calling to wish matt a happy 40th birthday hello from minneapolis minnesota this is steve ryan from west bloomington hi this is aaron from minneapolis calling to wish matt a happy happy happy birthday hello this is jim from hermontown calling to wish my older brother matt happy birthday this is sarah the landlord from hermontown this is your father-in-law from gold canyon arizona this is kevin here from nashville this is missy in minneapolis this is karen ryan from bloomington hi this is sarah and jim may from eden prairie and we wanted to say happy birthday matthew george

[47:01]happy birthday matt hi this is megan and ben from minneapolis hey this message is for matt just want to say happy birthday nick from minneapolis old school how does matt have this many friends i'm shocked i thought we were the only ones happy birthday this is sarah from atlanta this is dave from richfield minnesota happy birthday matt paddy from richfield this is probably from the only dick in your life hi this is stacy from minnesota this is brian calling from the birthplace of water skiing this is lamana health saint paul minnesota this is lucas from minneapolis this is zach goring from apple valley hi darren from oh coach goring mark johnson here from richfield happy for everybody used to play basketball welcome to the club yeah this is matt mcdonald calling i just wanted to wish matt 12 a very very happy birthday this is jen from manhattan hi this is neil from lakeville

[48:02]have a great birthday and remember that when given the opportunity always i would double down little story to tell you matt was eight pounds one ounce and he had a little bit of complication the cord wasn't around his neck when he came out so he had to be resuscitated and they moved him from saint mary's hospital over to the university's neonatal intensive care unit for observation so the next day mike and i were able to go see matt and here he was in the uh nicu with all these preemie babies and because he was eight pounds they didn't have any diapers in the nicu that fit him because he was too big they only had the preemie size for his body right so the man that was uh attending the regular size now for your body

[49:05]across the corridor from matt took a look at matt typical uh was he jones story keeps going he's okay and he's going back to the other hospital in a day or two so anyway that was matt's uh initial start in the world and uh luckily he didn't have no look at any brain damage from the asphyxiation but uh we're so happy that he made it and we're so happy that he's turned into such a great dad and we're so happy that he's turned into such a great dad and we're so happy that he's turned into such a great dad and we're so happy that he's turned into such a great dad and we're so happy that he's turned into such a great dad and husband and so happy birthday podcast host assistant podcast host wow holy cow hi this is minneapolis just wanted to let you know that i wouldn't swap you for anyone no swapping he's disappointed by that wow there's some deep cuts in there holy cow happy kevin from nashville

[50:01]yeah well that was amazing matt's wife hasn't seen me with my quarantine beard yet that might change that swiping might be game on here in a few months we're gonna keep her away from you russell i know and listen the baby boy and listen matt if you think i'm gonna take that story that your mom told and cut the words up and make it into some sick story for my own enjoyment then you know it seems like a lot of work and somebody would have to be teaching from home for two weeks to have time to do that all right so happy birthday uh i'll never do that again all right so the old the old mad mad asphyxiation tales just gonna be hammered over and over for the next 480 episodes only a little bit i like to call that the man in the diaper story that was my that was my version of that story and if you wanted to hear all the voicemails played at once then you could have heard the first part of this bit that i edited out well thanks hey we're out rob let me just say thanks to her i don't know if i said it but thanks to everybody that that does mean a lot there's some a lot of people i haven't heard from in a long time there so i don't know who put it

[51:02]together but thanks for that are these people downloading or are they just calling in because if they're not downloaded like we need to cut no i mean i guarantee not right you know my deep dark secret plan right is just to mention as many people as i can so like you know neil from lakeville and nick from minneapolis and now we've got like sarah from atlanta and kevin from nashville and some of the you know we've got we just keep mentioning people there we're gonna get some uh downloads out of this i noticed that asshole magic mike 69 or whatever his name is from houston never called in to wish you any happy birthday you don't know you don't know your facts i guess that that's shameful and i and i also noticed that russ and aaron also didn't leave a message all right so uh it seems strange that uh thanks rosie it seems odd right that was kind of bullshit i asked him to and they just said even more appropriate that i didn't try very hard to do a good job all right so everybody is staring at me so that means it is time to move on to our are you the main host or not oh yeah i am the main host and i'm here in the greatest city in the world

[52:00]new york city the greatest city in the world listen let's get right to our voicemail kiss my ass dumb shit listeners they can't even tell what we're doing no they're back they're back dumb shits they're just the dumbest of the dumb hey gentlemen this is a close personal relative of aaron's i felt compelled to call in i was texting aaron yesterday trying to identify one of the ingredients in the vietnamese noodle soup pho uh he identified the ingredient as anise uh actually star anise and then he proceeded to tell me that he's allergic to anise uh what kind of fuckery is this what kind of fuckery is this which means you're allergic to anise um so you know just wanted to let you guys know that aaron did tell me that his face gets all red itchy and blotchy anytime he eats anise get a shave beforehand aaron gotta watch out for pink eye too

[53:04]so you know while the rest of us are out enjoying anise eating season not worrying about it you know aaron actually cannot eat anise and so aaron's rolling going is completely what the fucker right now the pregnant pauses are great i've never heard robbie this silent on the podcast there's no way we've ever got 18 seconds without rob i've got to admit i laughed about this for about 10 minutes when i heard it the first time so it's kind of not funny to me anymore and in fact i don't think there is an anise eating season like i i also don't enjoy anise aaron i'm not allergic to it i don't like it but i've always thought maybe i just tried the wrong anise you know because it always to me that anise always tastes like black licorice and i'm wondering if maybe it's prepared a different way maybe i'd like anise more i don't know let's keep listening so i just thought that it was it was good information for you guys to have love the podcast um you know happy to be able to call in and let you know that aaron is unable to

[54:04]do an allergy uh which which flares up when he eats anise thanks for everything guys you really need to get that checked out aaron the uh the the truth of the matter is i he's the the caller is trying to set me up for this what but i'm gonna go with it eating anise i can eat anise i can't cook it the thing that happened is that we tried cooking food at home yeah and when king shaming number one that's true we did have a written agreement there would be no king shaving on this podcast that in my relationship in my marriage we tried anise too and it did turn out that the cook was too big so i don't know maybe you need to add some more i don't know olive oil or something maybe that'll help that'll help with your anise is that a possibility yeah the truth of the matter is that aaron it could have been

[55:03]something you were eating with the anise yeah the anise that that gave you the reaction latex or something i'm not yeah i have i it's been a while now since i tried uh but again uh it was more that in cooking it uh my face turned all red and blotchy and i even had to uh douse my face in milk to try to fix it side note my son thinks this is a hilarious uh story i'm sure he does yeah he really thinks that's funny that's that's good you know he's one of our top listeners actually he i think he might have sent in that voicemail actually i cut out that part at the beginning where he said i've actually earned son and again i cannot remember the name of your kid so that's not gonna affect uh the joke at all but so so uh shut up for a second first of all that is very funny that voicemail is very good second of all one of our better voice i'm not letting you just go by by saying you doused your face in milk and then i'm not going to talk about that so what exactly do you mean you doused your face in milk did you pour milk on your face or did you make a

[56:00]bowl full of milk and then put your face into it or what i think yeah i think i made a bowl full and dunked it so yeah we tried why now why did you do that that's a very dumb thing to do why did you do that because my face felt terrible we tried to make pho at home i don't which i don't recommend like just just go out to eat pho don't try to make it at home no i and i love to be honest i love pho you know what i mean like i i think it's so good it's delicious you probably don't need to go out to have the anus though do you you can probably just stay at home for that and it depends if it's it's not very good at home you gotta get out yeah well aaron doesn't like the pho at home so he gets to pho out about that's where he finds he doesn't like he can't eat anus something about the fumes cooking it in the air made my face all like i was i didn't know what the fuck i had i was trying to figure out how to cool the burning sensation on my face so this is this and this anus is spicy is what you're yeah very spicy yeah would you say you had some hot anus action

[57:00]next time you better stick with that cheese tortellini on those hikes yeah yeah that would have been a better better move yeah that would have been a much better move you have like a visceral reaction every time you see some anus is it like a this is like a problem when you're out in public i think you should add some anus to those cheese tortellini hikes i mean spice it up a little bit variety is the spice of life i do you know all these very dumb jokes aside which i saw coming from about noon today uh and by the way that's the best voicemail we've ever gotten sorry all right we're going to go to the next question and we're going to go to the next one and we're going to go to the next one and we're going to go to the next one and we're going to go to the next one actually i would if one of matt's friends could actually call in and do that same call but with the accent i think it'd be very with the duluth accent yeah like oh yeah oh yeah just to let you know aaron can't eat anus he gets all it's all red and blotchy yeah um but i do have to say like i i like the idea that you think that you think that your rashy face is like eating too much salsa and you have to eat milk to like you have to pour milk do you just pour milk over anything that like

[58:00]hurts or what i mean i was at a loss man i didn't know it was i was i didn't know what to do we didn't have anything else in the house like in all reality like water doesn't work like on spices like if you like you eat wings that are too hot and stuff you don't drink water you drink milk right so is that what we were thinking yeah and if i get a bug bite and it hurts really bad i pour milk all over it like it makes total sense to me i get it do you guys remember that show man versus food where he would eat like the really big meals or the really hot stuff maybe aaron should have a like every episode is aaron eating anus in a different part of the world i like that different anus after different anus i think that's a great idea and i you know what and i didn't even say anything about being star anus so i'm pretty happy with that i'm pretty proud of myself it's really kudos to everyone involved really thank you i think you ever did you ever we're all the way up to 26 this is 1975's horses by patty smith so guys i uh i'm going to have to

[59:00]i i found a new uh a new radio station to listen to so let's just uh that last song went out to our old friend russell in the upper midwest that was 1993's creep by radiohead we thank you for listening to 91.69 beck public radio up next a classic from the bay area by rosie and the rosenthal's their rendition of patty smith's gloria i think i think is the song of the honey honey come in oh he's so sick of his wife grown in oh he's so sick of his wife grown in oh rob's so sick of his wife grown in that guy from college named steve oh he looks so good oh he looks so fine i got this crazy feeling that i'm gonna i'm making mine and rob says not gonna take it no more wow

[60:00]not gonna take it no more he pulls out his big vr i can say oh my god it's midnight and my baby through the door she's coming to me need it on my couch oh sit on it god oh sit on it fine oh hopefully she just ate some chili and ah ah maybe some tacos baby just do it tell me you mind did you do what i like did she do what i like i gotta see a video of you recording this in your family get in the car and move it away and the thing is and the thing is f a r t ee ee ee ee f a r t farting cakes rob likes it when they fart f a r t farting cakes rob likes it when they fart f a r t farting cakes rob likes it when they fart f a r t farting cakes rob likes it when they fart f a r t farting cakes rob likes it when they fart Farting cakes for you, he loves it when they fart in cakes.

[61:03]F-A-R-T, farting cakes. Rob. Oh, my God. Seriously. I knew it was going there, it still got me. F-A-R-T. Seriously? That's what does it, huh? You are one sick man. I pray for your soul. Rob, seriously, you are one, one sick bastard. Oh, my God. Women who fart in cakes, that is disgusting. I mean, that's worse than dirty paparazzi at Minola's. Oh, my gosh, farting in cakes. F-A-R-T in cakes? Come on, you dirty bastard. F-A-R-T in cakes? Rob, you sick bastard. Rob. I. I'm a huge fan of women.

[62:01]I could always go for a great piece of cake, no question about it. And nothing better than getting a good, clean fart to really expand your guts to enjoy more food. But combining all three and actually getting an arousal out of women farting in cakes? Really? That is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard. And from this day forward, I will be looking at you in a whole new light, my friend. Rob, you're just disgusting. You're just sick. He farts in cakes. Rob likes it when they fart in cakes. So you, he loves it when they fart in cakes. F-A-R-T. Farts in cakes. Farts in cakes. Rob, I'm so embarrassed.

[63:28]I don't know if he can't tell the difference between him, Rob's fart cakes, or he can't tell his wife and sister's voice. It's a shame that's all going to be edited out. That's the worst part of that whole thing. I've got a Bex line and it's Casey Kasem with today's Bexed. After listening to the list fair episode, I just wanted to share the inappropriate t-shirt my high school boyfriend wore when he came to see me at work. After we broke up, the business was owned by my dad. By the way, his shirt said girls. Free breathalyzers. Blow here.

[64:00]And then there was an arrow pointing to his junk. Needless to say, he has never thought of as the one that got away. I cannot tell you how many people have communicated with me about inappropriate t-shirts. I think inappropriate funny t-shirts is a love language. I think it's the sixth love language. It's the thing that binds us all together. People love it. What did I see? I sent you guys a picture, right? Where it was just like, instead of enjoy coke, it just said enjoy cock. And I was like, well, they didn't work that hard, but it's very funny. Like, it's just like some guy. He's like, enjoy cock. That's good. I'm going to put that in a shirt and sell it in every shop down in Chinatown. So the shirt said, what was it? Breathalyzer. Blow here with the arrow pointed down. Yeah, it was ladies. I got a breathalyzer. Blow here. And then it was an arrow down to his junk. And he wore it to where this listener was working. And the dad was there at the place. So not only are you picking up your girlfriend, ex-girlfriend at the time, by the way, in the shirt, you're also seeing the parents. So I guess at that point, it's like, well, I got dumped. I drove away real fast.

[65:00]Might as well break out this breathalyzer shirt that I've been. I just bought at Spencer gift and I've been saving for a very special time. I would, I would much rather be remembered in a, in a bold way like that than just going out some meek way. Just try nothing. I think you go out with style like that. I appreciate it. Yeah, you got it. I agree. It's much better than begging a girl not to dump you, which I also did on that, that drive away fast story. I was like, Hey, maybe we can just like, dude, no, you got to collect. I was like, dude, no, you got to collect. You talked about a number of times. That guy's living his truth, man. That that's that guy deep down in his soul. That's who he is. And so for that girl, she absolutely, or whoever guy could have been a guy, I guess, whoever it was who, uh, Bexton us, you know, that just absolutely got rid of a train wreck real quick there by letting that guy wear that t-shirt. So to be fair, someone who wears a t-shirt like that has to have plenty of signs along the way that they're capable of wearing such a shirt, right? Like that person. It doesn't all of a sudden go from being a well-dressed man every day of his life to one day being like, I'm going to break this shit out on a Saturday.

[66:05]But it's like one of those things where maybe they're a little bit mean to the waiter. Maybe they, you know, just a little bit, a little bit mean to their mom, things like that. But then that shirt comes out and it's like, yep, you know, time to go. He's definitely not going from forced sweater vest to terribly dirty t-shirt. But I think I, I, they probably did start dating because she really thought he was a female body inspector. She was just hoping. That's my favorite shirt. FBI female body inspector. Like, hey, this is pretty, this is funny and it makes you think, you know. Okay. So again, this is a podcast. Okay. You know what? Now we're going to do an improv exercise. We're going to do an improv exercise, Aaron, because you didn't say anything. You are, okay. You are a patient going to the doctor's office and go. Hey doc, I'm wearing my favorite t-shirt. It says Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. Who's bringing the chips? Alcohol is still one of the major killers in the U S and scene.

[67:02]Good. Good job, Aaron. That was great. Okay. Do you see how I did a yes and there? And I responded, I listened. That's how we're going to do the podcast. The FBI t-shirt makes us think we were all thinking that was a oral joke. Anytime I have to edit out blank space in this podcast, it's always a real bummer. It's just like, well, there's four of us and none of us could think of anything funny to say at this point. So you can't be funny all the time. You got to have, you know, some, some build and then. And there's going to be peaks and valleys. We talked about pregnant pauses about 30 episodes ago. You know, we got to, sometimes that shit's got to breathe. You guys, is there, is there any t-shirt, uh, some sort of t-shirt with language on it that any of your wives could wear? Where you'd be like enough. I'm out. Like if, if your wife wore the male body inspector shirt or anything like that, is there anything that you couldn't handle? Well, it would just be just an Iowa Hawkeyes t-shirt, but that's going to be the only one. Uh, no, the answer is no.

[68:00]If my wife wore a dirty shirt, I would be walking around with a permanent Rob Rection, which is what I call an erection. When I have, you guys didn't figure that out. And Hey, you want to use the term Rob Rection? Feel free. Uh, 802-277. That's 802-277-2325. Hey guys, little Rosie here. Just to weigh in on the sock, suck fest debate. I was definitely insinuating that he was. He was aroused by someone removing his socks. That is definitely weird. But if you're shocked by that, that's on you. I've seen Rob maybe a few times in real life. And hearing him say that he's aroused by someone taking off his own socks. Uh, that was like hearing him say that he liked toast or some shit. So, uh, that's on you for being shocked about it. But yeah, it's really weird. Thank you little Rosie for coming into my defense question mark. I mean, it started off so well. Yeah. He's like, he's like, Hey, he was aroused by people taking his socks off. No, I'm not. Okay. First of all, I was. I'm talking about my kids doing it. That does not arouse me.

[69:00]Okay. Second of all, that's not so good. Hearing your voice, Rob, you could hear it. You could tell if you showed up to a fuck fest and there was a list of instructions on the wall and instruction. Number one is turn to your neighbor, ask them to take off your socks. Come on. Rock, rock, hard erection right there, Rob. Like there's no, that would be pretty great. I got to say. Well, I get Aaron out of the garage and he turns filthy. Everybody turns to the right. Then you're going to be getting your socks taken off while you take somebody's socks off. Oh, it's the London bridge of taking off socks. That is dirty, Aaron. I love it. Everybody. It's a circle sock takeoff. That's what we call that in high school. Rob, why do you think socks need to be part of the fuck fest? Are you looking like, are you going to like a higher class event or why do you think there need to be socks? Guys, is it lounge casual or what? I maybe should let our next voicemail actually answer that question. Cause it is once again about socks. Why do they call it little Rosie? I don't know. No one ever knows that. Three with the R comedy shows are a great first date because it's all

[70:02]about getting the woman feeling like she had a good time with you. She won't remember that it was the comedian that made her laugh more than you did. She's just going to remember she had fun with you. Plus one time at a show, Chris Farley's brother saw me on a date and the way the woman was touching me and said, dude, you're getting laid tonight. And he was right. Not going to lie. The whole time we were doing it. I kept thinking this is going to make a great story. I finally got a chance to tell it on this podcast. Just waiting, just waiting to let story for years. Chris Farley's brother. Wait, so it's Chris Farley's brother, right? Chris Farley's brother said, dude, you're going to get laid. And then he did. And the whole time that he's banging away, he's like, this is going to make a great story. It's going to be a great story. That does sound like me in the podcast though. We're like, I'll be doing something interesting and something funny will happen. And I'll take out my phone and write down notes. Everybody's like, what are you doing? I'm like, oh, nothing. I'm too embarrassed to tell him what I'm doing. It's right. Writing down maybe a funny story, a funny story, question mark for the podcast.

[71:01]It's like, yeah, your other notes say TP and refrigerator, question mark. What is this podcast? I was thinking about Chris Farley's brother and doing it. Just making a note. But so they're, they're saying, they're saying the woman's not going to even know where your date's not going to even know whether you cause them to have a good time or someone else did. As long as there's a good time had, you will benefit from it. Right. They're associating a good time with you. I just can't, I can't imagine having sex after going out for the night. That's a good point. The problem is you have to be such a good sport though. If the comedian like decides to pick on you. Yeah. You know, you have to, I mean, like that's, I could see myself just getting dead red. Like just shut the fuck up. You know what I mean? Like, but if you do that on like a first date, I mean, that's the end of the date. There's no more date and that kind of thing. So you have to be a good sport and you have to roll with it. And that's, that's the danger in it. Matt, how, how long would you need to go in your relationship with your wife where you're, you could have told a comic to fuck off if he was picking on you like a month in six

[72:02]months in a year, how long did you have to date your wife where you would have felt comfortable telling a comic? Well, see the problem is Sarah and I, we knew each other for a long time before we started dating. And so I don't know, like I, that's where it's trouble. Cause I don't know, like this whole first date thing when you just meet somebody and all that, but it probably was a, it would have to be a good, I don't know, two, three months in right before it was like, I just had to get that out. Right. And they, they do all your good qualities. Cause if you go dieting. I mean, like that's red flags, you know, this kid, how is this guy going to be with kids? And how was he, am I going to introduce my mom to this guy? Things like that. And so, uh, I did get in trouble once for booing people at a musical theater show. So that one was, that didn't go over well. That was, but he was bad. I paid money for that. Yeah. It was a musical theater show. Cause we know how you feel about booing the villain. No, this was actual booing. No, I do. I like, I think, I think booing the villain is a sign of respect. Like booing King George at Hamilton, as we talked about. You just booed a bad performance. Yeah.

[73:00]Yeah. Like what did he do? You know, I'll be honest. What do you mean? It was personal. Cause I had you. Hold on. Don't interrupt. Let, let's, this is not personal guys. Just let you know, I am booing, but this is for my job. This is not personal. This is business. Yeah. But listen, you guys, you guys have, I thought about this. I jumped over you guys for, for interrupting Aaron. If you would, you guys would just let Aaron breathe. Just let him tell his whole story. He's going somewhere. You guys have no idea where he's going, but it always leads to Rob putting his hands in the air saying, what the fuck? So. Just let your story breathe. All right. Okay. Yeah. I'm not going to name names cause I'm not that petty, but it was a guy who, who there was, there's a lot of, in the twin cities, there are actors who are also impresarios who like have the, the power to put on a show. And I had, I had auditioned for this guy and didn't, you know, didn't get hired. And then I wanted to see him in a show at, at, I think it was at Hamlin or Concordia college maybe. And I thought he was terrible in his role. And, um, I booed. And there were some other friends of mine who were in the show and my wife felt like

[74:01]maybe I shouldn't be booing when it was my friend's show, which I think she was correct about. I think that that was not a great move on my part. So that one, can I just ask it? Did anybody look at you? Like in the audience, did people turn around and be like, what the fuck is this guy doing booing? Or were people, were other people booing random people that they didn't like or what? No. And of course no one boos in Minnesota. Like that's not done. I mean, no. And like, you know, to be honest, the guy wasn't that bad. He was probably as, you know, I don't know. Better than I would have been anyway, but I was, you know, I was holding a grudge. That's why he got the part. He wore his socks to the fuck fest, didn't he? He wore his socks, didn't he? Boo socks. Boo that man. He got invited to the after party fuck fest and Aaron was in the, Aaron was in the crowd so he didn't get to go to the after party fuck fest. Hey, Matt, Matt, strike one to use. That story was not that great. Okay. Gonna give that story a thumbs down. That's your bail free to interrupt it. Bail free to start interrupting. I love how Aaron, I love how Aaron went to a show at like a call, a local college and that's where he booed.

[75:00]He didn't, he didn't go to like a Broadway show where he expected something amazing. He went to something where they probably charged him like a can of soup to get into the door to watch it and he booed him for it. Yeah. Well, that was, that's where I was at at the time. That's why I don't go to that stuff anymore. He's getting his haircut at the barber college and then yelling at them when they screwed up. Like, I'll include you. I paid a whole dollar for this. God damn it. This is awful. I love that. Well, if that's not enough, the same text message. A guy texted me half hour later. So obviously he was just sitting there listening to the show and then response in a day. Yeah. It's like the podcast. This guy thinks the podcast is a conversation with him. So he's got to get back in. So this was a half hour later. Sick bastard. I got this text. Oh, definitely. So I have been to one fuck fest, but I was so nervous. I basically had to go full method acting and got into character by dressing as a seventies lounge lizard complete with doc shoes and no socks. Hashtag team, the socks PS. This was just a few months ago. This was just a few months prior to the Chris Farley's brother incident.

[76:00]2019 was a good year. Yours always. Magic Mike 69, a.k.a. The Double M. Oh, there it is. Wow. The Double M is coming in hot with a fuck fest story that he went to and did not wear socks to. So I think that once again, our resident fact checker is there. Music Mike 69 is in checking the facts telling us that the fuck fest he attended, no socks required. Also out there getting more butt than ashtrays. Rob, what would be more creepy for you if you were at a fuck fest sitting there and Magic Mike showed up or Magic Mike showed up with no socks? What would be more erotic for me? That's a great question. That's a really good question. Because they're both, they both would be super erotic. I like that the fan of our podcast also has been to a fuck fest. Whereas meanwhile, all of us are like, God damn, I wish we could go to a fuck fest. Like we're missing out. We're imagining. We're imagining what they're like. And Music Mike 69 is like, oh yeah, I went to one.

[77:00]This is right after I banged a girl for taking her to the comic shop. It's a really great video. It's a good times. All right, let's get right into it. Rob keeps telling us he doesn't have to pay us minimum wage as long as we get tips, right? Wait, isn't Rob the only unionized, looking into that after the, in the post game show? Oh no. Oh God, I can't wait. Okay, let's see. How do I turn this computer off right after this podcast? All right, let's get in guys. We've got two separate texts. Oh, to the Bex line. Okay. How do you, how do you text the Bex line? 802-277-BEC. You can text the Bex line. We've got a couple. Now I can, you can write in anything and have a celebrity say it. See if you guys can guess who the celebrity is. Hey everyone, Casey Case from here. Just wanted to tell you that Russ has a normal size penis. See what I mean? Like you can get these guys to say anything. Listen to this one. See if you can tell. These are not Bex lines. These are just ones I did on my own time today. The school needs to start. I have so much free time. Hey everyone, Joe Buck here. What I saw on the field was disgusting. It was really disgusting. It was really disgusting. It was really disgusting. Russ's penis. See what I mean? Like it's so good.

[78:01]All right. Let's get into the Bex. I've got to show you guys. This one also comes with a picture. So I might have to explain it to you after he says it here. Look what I found. A picture of a film's pubic lice. Okay. So that was a quick one saying that was Kendrick telling us that somebody, and somebody took the time to text us this. They said, now we did get a lot of texts saying hashtag pubic lice. I don't remember why people were supposed to say hashtag pubic lice to us. It was very disconcerting. It was to prove that they, to prove that they listened to the end of an episode. You were supposed to give them a dollar. Oh, then I got less than I would have expected. Actually, if that's how many people are listening to the end of the episode, guys, we can coast toward the end. Let's just put it that way. I can stop editing by the end, but they did send me this picture. Can you see the screen? It's little plastic crabs and they're called jazz crabs and they're all playing their own little instruments. So you have a crab with like a little saxophone. You have a trap crab with this little drum kit and stuff like that. Yeah. So somebody found a picture of crabs playing jazz and said, those are Aaron's pubic lice. So Aaron. Aaron, has your pubic lice gone away yet? If I had them, they'd probably be playing jazz in my, in my dreams.

[79:03]So I like that. I appreciate that listener for. I love how Rob's just decided to double down on this topic. A few weeks ago, this was in an email that, Hey, this should probably be taken out. But instead of avoiding it, Rob's doubling back and he's just hitting the nail harder. It's really become a kind of a colloquialism just to call them crabs. But I always prefer the term pubic lice. I think that's most more visceral. When I taught STDs in my class, I'd be like, I'd say pubic lice. I'd say pubic lice. Cause I thought it was so great. Cause crabs are kind of cute, right? It's like a tiny crab. You can think like, Oh, isn't that cute? But like a pubic lice seems like a little more menacing. I mean, if people eat like crab legs, right? Right. As many as they can, right? They're so tiny. I can barely, I can barely get these legs off. This was one that both criticized me and puts Aaron on blast. Oh, what? Rob's BBQ takes are absolutely abhorrent. Let's not bury the lead, but also it should be noted that Aaron once took me out for BBQ tofu and vegan food. Vegan mac and cheese in Oakland. Hashtag Aaron's pubic lice.

[80:00]All right. So that message, let's break this down into two parts. Number one, I haven't been thinking about this obsessively for the last three weeks. My BBQ takes really, truly are abhorrent. Yeah, it was bad. I said that you're there for the sauce. That's all that matters. And I realized, you know what my favorite BBQ really is? What? Pulled pork. I love it. That means you're not, you have, you have nothing to say on the matter right now. It is. It's, it's like, what's that? It's the equivalent of like you going to a fancy French restaurant and ordering French fries, right? Like that's kind of the, some people would say like you're getting a steak and saying I want a medium. Well, kind of, you know, like some of the, the steak snobs. Yeah. I dropped that girl fast when she pulled that stunt. No, I'm not paying for this overcooked meat. Or like, what's your favorite album? Sergeant Peppers. You know what I mean? Like it just, you're going to be a little more thoughtful. Okay. So if I'm showing off BBQ wise, what do I order? Is it brisket? That's the only thing that makes me a true BBQ man. I think that's the only thing. You can go with. No, the only thing is to know the specialty of the house because there are places that

[81:02]would, this is the same comment I made before. There are places that would specialize in pulled pork. And so the only thing is to know what the place does well and to order that. Whatever is on the chalkboard. Whatever is written on the special of the day. Yes. I love BBQ sauce. I cannot help it. And you know what? BBQ is fine. I'm going to take a brave stand and say, I'm right with my BBQ sauce steak. I think a good BBQ sauce, I can't do it. Sorry guys. I'm trying. This weekend I was at the spa and the fries. I got, I did put mayo and ketchup together and I thought somebody was like, oh, that's very European. And I was like, it's true. I'm classy. I'm a classy guy. You got French fries at the spa. Well, don't, that's my role in going. I cannot answer any follow-up questions about French fries at the spa. That is my role in going. I don't want to give it away, but okay. And now everybody's waiting on. I can't wait to hear more about your French fries at your spa. Actually, now that you say it, that is kind of the whole story. Now that you say it like that. This Baxter is someone who's a close family member of mine and he is correct.

[82:02]I took him out for vegan BBQ. And I will say, if you're talking about BBQ tofu, Rob, it really is all about the sauce because there's only so much you can do with tofu. So then the sauce really matters. So, so was this, was this person a vegan Aaron that you took out? No. Or you just didn't want to be their friend anymore? No, I just, there's a great, there's a great. Trying to push them away. Is this like trying to get them to stop coming out to Oakland and visit? Listen, my house is so small. Black owned vegan restaurants are a real thing. They're black and brown owned vegan, vegan eateries are a real thing. They're trying to expand food horizons around the world. And so there are several of them in Oakland. I like to frequent them because I'm a person who likes to eat all of the. Don't turn this on us like we're the shitheads. Do not do that. Do not turn this on us like we're the meat. Listen, vegan barbecues are fine. If I went out and visited you and you took me to one, I would never forgive you. Okay. Unless I was a vegan. You would like it. I do think this is like a breakup move.

[83:00]Like if I was going out with a girl and I didn't want to see her anymore and I didn't have the guts to just say, Hey, this isn't working for me. I'd start taking her to barbecue vegan restaurants and then she would have to break up with me. It's a great. It's next door to a beautiful beer place with a nice patio. You order your beer, bring you to the vegan barbecue next door. It's delicious. I'll eat it all day. Any day. It's in the same state as an In-N-Out. What does that have to do with anything? Like who cares? If I went to a place and it was like, okay, you get. You get to pick between the tofu and the vegan Mac and cheese, which is what? Probably like almond cheese on there or something, right? Some nut cheese. Yeah. Cashew cheese. Yeah. Yeah. Cashew outside. I'm not having that. Okay. I'm not eating anything that has nut cheese on it. No thanks. I'm in for it. Anytime. I would eat the vegan barbecue all day. Okay. So the next day I would eat animal barbecue because I'm, I'm that I contain multitudes. And which one, which one tastes better? The animal one. Why not just go to animal barbecue twice? Because it's not next door to the beer place. And listen, there is not.

[84:01]I mean, there's recently now some really good, you know, uh, carnivore barbecue in Oakland. There was not at the time. There was not great carnivore barbecue around. So I just don't get it. Have we talked about this before about the, like the fake meat at Burger King? Like, was there a huge demand for fake for like vegetarians to go get a whopper? I think there is though. I think if you're a vegetarian or vegan and I've always, and I've said this and I've said this for years and I'll still say it. They're right. Vegetarians and vegans. When we look back in 50 years, we're going to look like the same way we look back at like doctors using leeches when they talk about us eating meat, because pretty soon it's going to be like lab grown meat. It's going to be just fine. It's not going to hurt the animals. I'm here for it. I love it. I think being a vegan or vegetarian is correct. And I do think that if you're a vegan or vegetarian and you're going out with your friends and they're going to Burger King, it's really nice to have an option. That's not like lettuce with ketchup on it. Like I I'm totally down with those that fake meat stuff. I think it's great. If Aaron took me. To a vegan barbecue and I am not a vegan, I would be so fucking mad.

[85:01]I mean, it's I just it's it makes no sense to me. It's like it's just it was right next door to be revolution. You can sit on the patio. They bring your vegan barbecue over. It's tasty. I mean, Aaron thinks his house is nice because he's next door to a really nice house. He's like, our house is so great next door to the biggest house. Oh, my God. It's so awesome. Rob, I got to know, are you more Minnesota? Would you be Minnesota nice about this or would you be New York up front about it? Aaron, you went out to visit Aaron in Oakland. You talked to his wife who you've never met because you weren't invited to his wedding and they decided to take you to a vegan barbecue place. Would you say something or be like, I don't want to go there? Would you just go and act like you're super good? I would happily go. I would happily go to a vegan place. I wouldn't say I would be. I would say this is so good. And then when I got on this podcast, I would drag Aaron's Happy Meal ass up and down Main Street for an hour and talk about what a shit show was of all the places to go eat. In the Bay Area. And Aaron takes me to a vegan barbecue, which just sounds like a joke.

[86:01]It sounds like a prank show. Like, oh, let's go to the vegan barbecue. Ha ha ha. You know, it's delicious. Danny Glover eats vegan barbecue right here in Oakland. Is this solely vegan? Is that what you're talking about? There you go. Matt knows. Matt's looking it up. Solely vegan is the one that I'm all for this shit. So the whole argument is that it's right next to this beer place, right? So we've got the National Giant Hamburgers and Great Pies, which is right next to the vegan. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait, man. What was that place's name again? The first place? Nations Giant. Okay. Hamburgers and Great Pies. Okay. So why would you go anywhere else? That place sounds like a fucking rock. It's got giant burgers and pies. We've got Mosaic Greek and Turkish fast food next door. Across the street, we've got Buttercup. This sounds like a night. What is this? I think Buttercup is a place where people go to meet hookers. T-bone steak and eggs. Turkey patty and eggs. Oh, my. Belgian waffles, biscuits and gravy.

[87:00]This is right across the street from the beer place. But they don't bring it right to you. You can sit right on the patio at Beer Rev and they bring you. I mean, I haven't been there for like six years. The only time on this podcast where Matt gets aggravated with Aaron is when he goes to bad restaurants. That wakes Matt right off. It sets Matt right off. Yes. You can't take it. Solely vegan is good. I'm not. I stand by it. I mean, I haven't been there for a long time. Can you imagine you're eating fucking barbecue tofu and dandelion greens or whatever, right? With like a little bit of sauce. A little bit of sauce on there. Yeah. And you look over and the place next to you is having giant hamburgers and pie. And you'd be like, huh? You'd be like, it'd be like when everyone else is out having fun and you're stuck inside like sweeping. It'd be a real Cinderella moment. You're stuck with Aaron and you just realize like, oh, fuck. I would rather listen to this album for a whole year than be stuck watching somebody eat giant burger and pie. Two foods, by the way, I don't think go together. Like, I don't think anyone's ever had a burger that been like. I'm wondering if it's burgers and pizza pies. Let me look it up. Oh, no, it's pie. Yeah, it's definitely a sweet. It's a sweet pie. It's like sweet pie. It is. It's pie.

[88:00]Yeah, they've got pumpkin pie. What kind of pie do you think goes with a burger? Maybe pumpkin, a savory pie, sweet potato. Isn't there like a diner thing? Don't people go to diners and get a burger and then pie at the end or something? No, you can't have a burger and then pie. That's no good. Burger gets followed up with ice cream or something. Pie is not the dessert after a burger. You can't just go to ice cream every time, Rob. You brought this up numerous times in a row where you don't like desserts and then you just go right to ice cream every time. And every time I have ice cream, I'm like, this is so good. And I'm so lactose intolerant. It's worth it. I saw a thing on TikTok where somebody took a brioche bun, put a scoop of ice cream in it, and then put it in a waffle maker. And I woke my wife up and I showed her. She was so mad at me. But it was worth it because I was like, hey, there's a chance. Get that waffle maker out. Let's put some ice cream sandwiches on there. All right. Let's get into everybody's favorite segment. Rolling, going. Matt's still looking at the map. Matt, do you see any more interesting- Everybody's favorite segment. Not talking about the fans. It's time. It's time for some vegan barbecue, baby. I'm trying to figure out how much you have to pay to get a vegan barbecue.

[89:03]In all honesty, I swear, I trust Aaron. I would let him take me out. But you just know, like, oh, I'm in for a real shit show. Like, if I was visiting Aaron, I would have some sliders, like, in a bag in my pocket. That's wise. And I'd just take them out and kind of nibble on them and be like- Solely Vegan has probably been usurped by the vegan mob as the preeminent vegan barbecue place in Oakland. Vegan mob is the place Danny Glover likes. Riggs. Riggs. Riggs. I'm getting too old for this shrimp. I want some Satan Riggs. I better stop before I go off the rails. You would have to watch that, Rob. Your cholesterol might get dangerously low if you went out with Aaron for too long. Be like, every heartbeat is moving this blood so well. I don't get lightheaded when I stand up or sit down. This is crazy. Welcome to Rob FM. The FM stands for Folk and Music. Oh, yeah. Listen, we know all the foot freaks are out there in radio land.

[90:02]Listen to this. Yeah. And I've just got one thing to say to you. Oh, yeah. One thing. Yeah. Looking at your podcast. Okay. You're going to listen to one. But which one are you picking? Because, man, there are a ton. Who knows? Could be any. You click back. Did it better. Why? Then you listen. I believe the shop. You forget who's in the backseat. Tell your kids. Ask why Aaron loves feet. I want to thank you for downloading this podcast again. Oh, love it. I want to thank you for downloading this podcast again. I want to thank you for listening to me talk to my friends.

[91:02]There we go. Yes. It's funky. I like it. Love it. Let me know, guys, if your Zoom seems behind you. I'm a little suspicious of it, but we'll see. Are you on your 5G? You've been not doing your 5G recently. Yeah, but it's like the halftime show. 5Gs. I've got the perfect podcast for you. I've got the perfect podcast for you, Jack. 5Gs. Did you guys hear that? Is the Zoom behind her? Did you catch that? It's that joke of the halftime show, 5Gs. All right.