Best of Bits!

[0:00]We couldn't record this week we were just too tired so russ picked out clips that he thought were inspired russell did a great job the clips mostly involve rob these clips are some of our best At least they're all above average russell picked out everyone so email him if you are upset clip shows what you're stuck with we all just want a little rest

[1:00]All rob had to do was some edits but then he went and got a special guest when you want to hear about the greatest albums of all time but you're just too lazy to look it up online if you want to hear four guys who chat and then they get off track i've got the perfect podcast for you jack Beck did it better hey all you beck did it better heads this is producer rob which is normal rob not the character i play and i just wanted to tell you that we weren't able to get together this week so i have put together a best of now the goal of this best of is to try to find bits that we've been talking about on the show and to find their origin and to try to get you to understand where our many great jokes are coming from so i i put together some clips it made me laugh i think it's a good show i also have a parody song that was never played because john came

[2:00]In with his own so i decided to put that one in on the episode instead so if you ever have a clip you want us to play or put in the best of or you want to say anything at all you can email us at back to that better gmail.com or call or text the beck's line 802-277-BECK and we do appreciate your support and we'll see you next time everyone listening okay and we should be allowed to take a break it's actually fine to take a break okay some of us i've been working so hard maybe not during the summer but some other times and It's kind of cumulative but we will be back as soon as we can find out where aaron went we will figure this out and start making shows again thanks everybody when ross woke up this morning he was in his new place starting a new part of his life with his new roommate

[3:00]And russ opened the window shade and looked at the city but now when he looks out the window sees a bunch of biffies now unfortunately russell has to see people going to the bathroom publicly when he looks out to the window he sees a bunch of biffies and he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies and he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies and he sees a bunch of biffies and he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies and he sees a bunch of biffies and he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies and he sees a bunch of biffies and he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies and he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies and he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies And he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies

[4:00]And he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies And he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies

[5:00]And he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies And he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies

[6:00]And he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies And he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies

[7:00]And he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies And he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies

[8:00]And he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies And he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies

[9:00]And he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies and he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies and he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies and he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies and he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies and he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies and he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies and he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies and he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies and he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies and he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies and he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies And he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies

[10:00]And he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies And he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies and he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies

[11:00]And he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies And he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies and he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies

[12:00]And he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies and he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies and he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies And he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies

[13:00]And he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies And he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies

[14:00]And he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies And he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies

[15:00]And he looks out to the window and he sees a bunch of biffies Big nod for Russell, but like wieners look funny, right? I mean, there's no, it's just, it's not like send it boob. It's not like sending boobs. It's, you send in a wiener.

[16:00]If you saw a guy's erect penis and then an alien egg came out and it turned out to Be an ovipositor from the Martian planet, That's what it looks like. We're like now in 132 and we've already gone back to the ovipositor jokes. No, like alien cock reset the counter of like days since an Ovipositor joke did zero. Well, you're the correct age where you're a big Hank Williams fan. An ovipositor is like an alien penis, but it has eggs already. So some of the thing about Russell doesn't stop laughing in like 38 seconds. Aaron, how do you think the Easter Bunny brings all those eggs to your yard? Oh, in a basket? Uh-uh. It's got an alien cock that comes out into an ovipositor. I think it's called an overpositor.

[17:00]And this ovipositor. Oh, what's the alien? What did alien Easter Bunny bring me today? Oh, it's a with a quarter in it. Those were the shittiest eggs. You guys don't talk about the eggs with the quarter. Get out of here. It's like a Cadbury ovipositor. Oh, my God. Cadbury eggs. So good. Even if what, I'll tell you what, I'm going to tell you right now. If I had an alien that may have an ovipositor that only put out Cadbury eggs, I'd put that shit in a cage and just feed it enough so it lives. And it would live in my house and give me Cadbury eggs all year long. Just feed enough, just enough. Okay. And I might edit this out. And here's how I'm picturing this. I mean, how do you get the middle of that Cadbury egg filled? Well, that's the thing is that you do have to jack off the alien. So it does give you the Cadbury egg, but. The harder the work, the sweeter the honey what I mean? Play the songs. We have 40 of them and he won't play them. He'll play them eventually. He's got Science Olympiad in like three hours. I'm going to bring this back to the Hank Williams song. There's one on here. I think about an ovipositor. I thought I heard that earlier.

[18:00]Party songs. This is bound to be one. He's like, ah, my wife and I, it's not going so well. She doesn't like my ovipositor or whatever. It wasn't in high school for me, though. It was during my hip hop message board era, Which was my 20s. Not embarrassing for anyone. I didn't realize that. I know you guys missed that whole joke. You could have rift on that for days. That was in your 20s when you were raw. Going to give it to you. Oh my God. I thought you were like 13. Did you guys think he was 20 for that? I thought he was like 12. No, that's like my Yahoo fantasy football name is I like big butt 75. Your team name was Rob's gang bang gang. I don't know. That's it had to be turned to RGBG. Once we started using work emails to check our fantasy tier. No, but my Yahoo name, because I need a name at Yahoo.com, It was, I should probably shouldn't say it on the podcast, But it's, it was, I like big butts in a number. And I was like, I, because I liked that song at the time.

[19:00]So now when I'm like in a league with my dad or I started And you know, and I can't change it. I have to send my dad like, hey, you want to be in my bracket? Sign up with I like big butt 75, super bracket. Rob, I have a very similar experience when I was in like high School or college, I signed up for a Yahoo account for fantasy football. And then I played, you guys were talking about bridge. I used to play online, you're on Yahoo. And my screen name was pile of shit at Yahoo.com. Here's the funniest thing, though. Here's the funniest thing. So when you play like online, Yahoo or like Yahoo, You turn the text the voice on. You have me. Excuse me, what username do you want to pick? I think I'll be pile of shit. Okay. The Yahoo, like you get a ranking. So every time you win, your ranking kind of goes up.

[20:00]And when you lose, you go down. So you're always trying to like get up higher on this ranking. And so like one weekend, I just got crossed for like a week in a row. Like they kept, I kept losing, losing. And my ranking kept going down. And when your ranking goes down, people at good tables Won't let you play with them. And so I was like, fuck it. I need to start a new account. So I started a new account, which is called pile of shit too. And so now, if you go and look at like our, If you guys go look at our Yahoo fantasy football account, My, my screen name is pile of shit too. And that's why it's that screen name. So your solution to sucking at you was to just make a fake account. Oh my God, nobody would play with the idea to make a fake account. Russell is the saddest story I've ever heard in my life. It was the same day, but I just added a two on the end of it. You could play online Uker with you. Yeah. So if, if you guys ever play online Uker with pile of shit three,

[21:00]You know I would have reset my ranking. One more time. But this goes up all the time because you're right. Like Matt was, I was talking with Matt earlier tonight. And he was talking about an online incident like basketball pool on Yahoo That Rob organized. And I was going to join it this year, But I heard all your kids were going to be in it. I'm like, I can't put a pile of shit to submission into the basketball bracket. So I didn't even play. So somebody out there is like pile of shit too. God, I wonder who got pile of shit one. Not knowing it was the same guy. Turns out it was me. It's the same guy. This can't be the same guy. Pile of shit too. Can't be the same guys. Pile of shit one is so bad at Uker, But pile of shit two is so good. They can't be the same person. I will play with pile of shit too. Hey, who's your partner on my table? Oh, pile of shit one. Yeah, I don't want to play with a guy with that name because I'm horrible. No, they don't. They just don't want to play with a guy named pile of shit one. Well, it's pile of shit too.

[22:00]It's like bigger and better. That's the name of this podcast. Now pile of shit too, bigger and better. What album are we even talking about? Oh yeah. This is because Aaron was making fun of me. He was shaming me. So. No, but I, and actually it was true because my wife, The story I told is that she inspired me with the powerlifting Because I was working out with a trainer at Equinox And then my wife found this powerlifting coach And like the rest literally is history Because I do have a number of records. But it led me to once again look up my old trainer on Instagram And I will tell you guys an update. Okay, my trainer is no longer into polyamory, No longer doing coaching for polyamory. Oh, that didn't work out. No, that's so surprising. Benching to Frenching too. She is now a full time. She helps people with being a dominatrix.

[23:00]So she is into, she actually gets dominated herself. So I'm not sure what the opposite of a dominatrix is, But that's her. She's a third member of that wrestling tag team, Demolition, axe, smash, and Rob's powerlifting coach. I think so because a lot of her Instagram now Is showing off various colors she owns And what she thinks of each color. She is not a sex worker. Like I want to be clear, she's not a sex worker. She just literally has a polyamorous relationship Where she enjoys If you really want to get technical here, She enjoys being a brat where they boss her around And then she says no. And I got to admit when she writes about that, I'm kind of like, well, wait a minute. I kind of like this. Imagine your wife telling you like, You better take out the recycling Or you're in big trouble. And you're like, oh, I don't know if I'm going to. I'm feeling naughty. Like, isn't that ironic for you guys to think about me doing that? Aaron's thinking about naughty next time Aaron's wife at gmail.com. It tells him he's got to go to some six year old's play. I accept the invitation.

[24:00]No, I'm not going. I'm not going today. Sweetie, I promise I'm going to take out the garbage today. Don't worry about it. Hey, but naughty boy. Isn't that, does that turn you on That I didn't take out the garbage? Which one of us would be the most likely to be a brat? Who would be the one to say no or whatever Voice Matt was making earlier when he was I think Russell could be a brat. Don't you guys think it'd be a good brat? I think he'd be a good brat, Russell. I'd love to boss you around. And then sometimes you'd be like, no, I'm actually being naughty. Like, oh, that's very bad, Russell. No, no, I'm going to eat marinara With these cheese curds, Rob. Oh, oh. Actually, this might fit better Than I thought it was going to. Oh, can you imagine? I could only imagine a collar Putting on a collar, right? I got a collar. It's my favorite collar. I put it on. I don't know what you put a leash on it. You must. Right? Like what else do the colors? Spikes, right? Daddy walks you around. Okay. So I can get a walk around with my daddy.

[25:00]Great. I then take off my collar. Like we're all done. You know, I'm done being a brat. I'm like, okay, see you later. Thanks you. You know, thanks for coming over or whatever. I take off my collar. And then can you just imagine looking at your collar And how big it is? And then you're like, Jesus Christ, Is that how big my neck is? Like you would just look at this collar And it would look like a It would look like a top of a garbage can. You'd be like, oh my God, is my neck that big? And you go look in the mirror and you'd be like, Jesus, My neck is huge. So here's this thing that's supposed to give you pleasure And instead you realize just how thick of a neck You have and it disgusts you. You've got to go to like the big and tall section Of the S and M shop to get your collars. Like you can't get like a normal collar. You're going to go to the big and tall section. What is the tall section? It's like a tall collar. It's like a massage table with a hole on the bottom But the legs are short so you can get on In case you're not tall enough. What? Never mind. What? I'm thinking of a tall sex shop like for tall people. Isn't this a music podcast? It's like the swings, the sex swings Have like way longer ropes. It's like, oh, if you're really tall.

[26:00]I need to go get some more ice. There's the way I can drink another one Of these without ice in it. Let's move into the next song. A Cadbury egg drink. No, that's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the Cadbury egg drink. I'm talking about the Cadbury egg drink. Didn't I have you so good? Darren Moss went to the city pages, Famously said the best martini is the third one. Well, actually I believe the quote is, Aaron. Oh, no. Aaron, you dumb shit. Hold on. Hold on. Let me find it. Give me one second. Okay. Yeah. I want to hear it. Yeah. Piping in martini glass. And now I need to search for it. Make a woman tattoo out to getcollar.com. Hold on. Okay. Still looking. Collar through security airport. Question mark. Excuse me, sir. Can you put everything in the bag? Oh, yeah. This is my collar. Can you take it off? I don't want to. I'm a brat. Sir, we're going to have to pat you down. Oh, no, don't do that. Matt, Aaron, are you guys cranberry guys? For Thanksgiving or no?

[27:00]Not music? Yes. Thanksgiving? No. I would listen. Yeah, I'd listen to cranberries on Thanksgiving. I refuse to eat anything grown in a bog. I am not eating stuff grown in a bog. Don't eat it. Okay. I am not a bog dog. Doesn't drink scotch. No, well. Doesn't eat cranberries. Yeah. I'm a bog brat. Hey, pick those cranberries. I'm not going to. Robble. I'm getting very confused with all our stories. What? Can somebody draw the pambrogler in a collar being led around By a leash with my Ronald and he's being a brat? If you draw that, I will get a tattoo of it, okay? And then they say, listen, you need to pick. What album do you think is the 82nd best album of all time? And of course you say, well, I'm not going to do that. I'm a brat. I don't want to pick what album it is. And they say, you have to. And you go, oh, I love this job. If you didn't do that, okay? And you said this album should not be there. That is a rolling groan.

[28:00]This album should be later on the list. Oh, I'm a brat. This album goes later on the list. It's not as good as 82 Rolling Stone. Okay. Or do you think this album should have come sooner? Okay. It is a jam. It is like revolutionary. This is like one of the greatest funk, Certainly the roots of the funk album of all time. That would be a rolling bone. It should have been higher up on the list. Or is this rolling well toned? You think this is perfect. Okay. And it should have been to 82. And hence, you were actually not a brat. And I wanted you to be. So that actually does make you a brat. It was a reverse bratting. I wanted you to be a brat and you weren't. And that makes you a brat because you weren't doing what I wanted. So am I supposed to wear the collar at in the post game show? Or not wear the collar? Can you send me a separate text, Rob? I just want to make sure I understand what you're looking for. Yeah, I'm at eight and a half. I'm at eight and a half hat size. My collar is at 12. Okay. What? I don't know. I need to listen, guys. It's so late.

[29:00]Grown. Normally when I don't like an album, I try to be nice and say nice things about it. But tonight I'm going to be a brat. I'll say one nice thing. Do you want the collar on or off when I do this, Rob? Please don't say that to me anymore. No, okay. Did it better. Hey, Rob, if the hamburger was going to be on the yodeling list, What would he sound like? What would his yodel sound like? Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob. Rob, Rob. Yes, it is so late. How did it get to be this late? Matt, are you tired? Do you think we should end the podcast? I'm not going to end the podcast. We're going to keep it going because I'm a brat. Matt, we can really end it now if you want. Please. We're not going to end it now. We're not going to end it now. Oh, I'm lightheaded.

[30:00]K-Rob is actually playing right now kind of a serial kind of a show that is every week It's kind of a story. Let's let's listen in right now. Check it out. It's exciting Previously I'm back did it better An interesting thing so I go to my middle seat is this guy wearing a cowboy hat He gets up out of the aisle and I look and the armrest between our seats is up So he has taken the armrest and put it up I sit down and then I have to make the decision Yes, I just leave the armrest up and have a little bit more room But potentially sit like where we're gonna be touching each other In the middle of a flight rush plays his game

[31:00]I kept it up

[32:00]Now yes, it might surprise you that I had a longer version of that song That included the prime both arm guards and it's hard and I was like there's no reason to spoil it He's raw dog at it My favorite part of this song is the tuba we've heard Aaron tell us how amazing the jazz flute the glock and spiel is We've talked about the harpsichord. We've never talked to the before have we we should give the two some love So we got to give the tuba some love. I'm gonna do the greatest tuba songs ever

[33:00]List I like it. I'm excited I have a list as well We have to the list I was gonna say that joke to the internet and I didn't do it tuba list Yeah Tupac tuba Ok tuba. Ok is my Tupac tuba band So this time I am not dividing up tubas and sousaphone's this could include a tuba and a Normally we get really into the details, but the first song on the list is one of Aaron's favorite bands I know we've talked a lot about this Quest love recently, but do you guys know the roots have a tuba player named tuba gooding jr. He opens every live concert I've seen it with with a tuba solo or a sousaphone solo check it out. I've seen it And you're gonna do a concert here this right off the bat at first day of Minneapolis

[34:00]They enter from the back of the crowd I Got a feeling there's a lot of guys that look like Aaron at this concert. Like if you go to the Just guys that look like There's The tuba is fun to listen to isn't it like when you can hear somebody really I had a friend growing up whose dad was like a he was like some sort of professional tuba player Like on the side I don't know what but he would just be practicing the tuba in the house and it rocked because no matter where you were You just hear Oh my god, things are happening. This is so good. It was only while you were walking though, right? Yeah, I'd be yeah, that was the mean part is I'd be walking around. He'd be like Then I'd stop and he'd stop Rob, if one instrument was gonna play the soundtrack to your life, would it be the tuba or not? Yeah, it's probably it's either the tuba or

[35:00]Insert funny joke here. So I'm gonna put in a joke later and I think it's gonna work really well But the answer is a Skin flute Good job nailed it. Well, if Rob doesn't have the skin flute to seduce people You know what he can do is play this song by leon redbone called seduce. Check this tuba song out Oh, this is me cheating on your wife. This is the song Wait He does play the song in elf. What am I gonna cheat on? I'm gonna cheat with my wife He was actually a jazz musician that bob dillon found and mentioned a rolling stone And that's how he kind of became famous as he got mentioned in the rolling stone magazine by bob dillon The next song on the list is the band and I believe this album is on the top 500 list map Maybe you know where it's at. This is rag mama rag. Check out this song. Check the tuba

[36:00]Oh that tuba banks Yeah, the band's got two albums on the top 100 Wow I can see why this tuba rocks one of the coolest things about this song is they left the bass spot open It was going to be a bass guitar. They left it open the producer comes in and there's a tuba there But he's never played it before so this is him completely improvising on the tuba on rag mama rag That reminds me when I was in band in high school and we would have a sub We would always just switch instruments. We'd all go sit with different Every single time I would you guys are crazy. I would go right for the you guys are crazy Rob's play Rob's oh man. I'm here for the jazz There's like 110 pound real play of the tuba over here for him. I would immediately go right back and try to get the crash symbols You're doing the dance up in the front of the room

[37:00]Hit myself in the head fall down the symbols crush my head No, so but then that turned out to be very stressful because it turns out that when you play the crash symbols You need to play it in exactly the right spot if you're doing the national anthem and you miss it that people are looking at you And the other instrument I would go back and play is just the tuba Now of course in our pandemic world It does not seem safe to just be going around and like just putting your lips on stuff that other people But god, I had so much fun playing the tuba. I'd be back there playing the tuba I was like, this is what I should have been doing the whole time. I'm a tuba guy. It's what I should be doing Why did I take up the piccolo? I mean it made no sense I'm sorry Rob. Did you really play the piccolo? Yeah, I know As a trump I played a trombone. I can't believe you didn't remember that story. That's hurtful. Well, that's what I thought I mean that you changed the sorry rustle glad No, next up on the list is a little I'm gonna give you guys a little latin hip hop here This is playable cafe toto. Maybe to check this out. This was from Oh Whoo

[38:00]Yes This is bad ass, is it not? I'm shocked erin hasn't said oh, I saw these guys in concert three times I wish I had Oh, yeah, these guys run the green grocer on my street Yeah, if anyone ever wants to show silica valley in HBO, that's where I heard this song. It is so awesome Oh, it's beautiful All right the last song on the list though is someone I had to give air I gave erin the roots of the beginning and I got to finish with another erin one here We're going out to oakland. This is rafael sedeek. The song is called still ray and if you guys remember De angelo Played His album he recorded brown sugar. I believe at at rafael sedeek's studio. Am I correct erin? That's correct Yeah, and rafael sedeek wrote this song. It's called still rain. It features the tuba. Oh wonderful Yeah oakland legend It's kind of a sexy tuba song Right, look if I got a tuba and having sex with your wife, this is what it would sound like

[39:00]Russell this is outstanding. I'm so happy you found Yeah, I do have a rafael sedeek concert story Which is that I had tickets to his concert and it was canceled. That's it. That's the whole story But I love that track rustle. Holy shit. That was chapter two and erin's exciting book of stories. I mean that Again, I had to edit out because a lot of us passed out. We didn't know what was going on By the end of that story By the 30th song of this album, we're going to get like four or five more champions So good. I love that. I I I do want to circle back to my joke about somebody cheating on your wife Well, also played a tuba at the same time. Just picture that for a little bit Like you hear this you're like honey. I'm home. You're like, oh, that's weird. She's not around You're like, wait a minute, what's going on? That's like You're like, hey honey, what's going on in here He's just keeping it going at a medium pace there. That tuba never gets to the fastest Favorite sub-genres of

[40:00]I've heard of brass bands, but ass bands. I don't know. All right, let's do I'm so tired My favorite part of the song you heard a little bit there, but maybe Rob, you could jump to the end Is the flute there is jazz flute on this song. Oh, there we go this part of it Oh, I love it I love it So I was looking I was wondering who is this jazz flute player And it's this guy cateese buckingham And he is actually famous. He's played with Lionel Richie. He's played with aro smith It's played with a bunch of famous bands, but I couldn't really find any of his songs But you know who else he has played with He played in the movie anchor man. He is the guy who played the jazz flute That will ferrell is playing an anchor man. Check this out. This is This same guy cateese buckingham

[41:00]The jazz player on the chronic is the same guy who plays the jazz flute in anchor man Man, shout out rustle. I feel bad for the next woman you date because she's gonna have to sleep with you After you tell her that fact I would pick her up on a date. I would open the door and I'd be like, hey, I'm rustle Do you know the flute player on the chronic is also the same guy for anchor man Do you want to go back to my place or yours? Where are we going? Rob, there's even a cooler thing about this that only you will love But I have to share it and I don't know if that woman will still sleep with me after she knows this Part of it, but Rob, you've talked before about the show. Who's the boss you've made jokes about tony talking about samantha, right? Oh, no, samantha Jonathan So this cateese buckingham the flute the jazz flute player for the chronic and for anchor man Also starred in a special episode of who's the boss The episode Where samantha gets a hickey on her neck and has to walk around the house with her head tilted the whole time

[42:00]Well, tony danse is trying to figure out what happened to samantha's neck that cateese buckingham was the 13 year old Kid that gave samantha the hickey that rustle this list makes me so happy. This is even your list It just makes me happy Finally, who's the boss news that I can live with? How much for tony danse cameo, by the way, can we get tony danse just to say mona to me on him? It'd be so good And then I just send him a video of me. You know, I have to him say mona He's like, wait, what? Did I charge him money? Oh no No to be saying mona That's a vicious cycle podcast in my eyes Hey rob, yes, he was the housekeeper. I bet he used to use the washer and dryer all the time. I wonder if he ever got stuck Oh mona angela. I'm stuck in the dryer

[43:00]What are you doing angela? No Who's the boss now, tony samantha might be home soon angela. Oh, no, what are you doing? By the way, I did text these guys a suez canal step brother boat jokes sent in by music mic 76 Oh, by the way, it's still my best friend. Why would you guys not send me that? Best friend music mic. We love it That van. I mean he drove that van around and who's the boss, right? He's driving that van You know, he's up to no good Ah, I should have ended with the him fucking mona and the dryer You know guys So much of this podcast you think it's like, oh, I'm just going to tell funny jokes about who's the boss And tony danse getting stuck in a dryer. That's where this podcast is led to this is the natural conclusion of the podcast But then you got to learn to draw back what I mean? Like you got to learn to stick the landing and just stop talking about it Lessons for us all consider it stuck. So when you're on that date rustle and you explain to your date

[44:00]How we got to this point where tony danse is stuck in a dryer. It's saying Oh, right. So what if it was mona instead of angela? What if it what if he just had he had a thing for grandma? Yeah. He's a gilfunter Also purple in my links. Okay, so let's talk about The next prompt would be you guys are aware of the five love languages, right? Oh, yeah So the next prompt is my love language is What is the love language? What should I say is my love language? So I'm gonna go through and tell everybody the five love languages because my my erin has been holding up fingers And I think he said beans and rice I don't think he quite understands beans and rice done this So here's the deal we got touch, right? We got gifts. We've got acts of service We've got There's one where you just hang out with them, right? Quality time and then there's You're good at this right affirmation words of affirmation. Oh, you guys know this stuff way to go

[45:00]Well, I'll tell you what we it's on this app right here. I wrote it down I've wrote it down about two dozen times on notebook paper and I toss that shit every time after every conversation Now ross, is there a way on the answer that you can change the font to make it look like you're whispering? Because I think you whispering Is it would be really good? I could just put it on all caps with that work or not. Hey, here's a gift. I want to touch you Hey, let's get some quality time together. I'll touch you Words of affirmation. Yes. I'm going to touch you now Acts of service. I'm going to touch you It's all of them It's the best. No, I know we know that if I love my languages because Mine unfortunately is touch, which is a big bummer. It's it's it's ruined a lot of my friendships and then But because you want to hug me. I'm I'm telling you man next time I see you It's going to be a big hug. You're getting a big hug here. Do you just you wait? I'm going to do more and hug you

[46:00]I'm going to wrestle you down to the ground But my kids have different love languages and it's been hard to once you figure that out It kind of makes a lot more sense with kids like I have one who's literally is just quality time So you could be like, hey, I'm going to go out and I'm going to punch myself in the leg for an hour And she'd be like, yeah, let's do it. Let's hang out like that's all she wants to do And then the other one is I don't know what just being left alone. I guess that's a love language. I'm not sure she's whatever the opposite of quality time So that's my kids. So write that down rustle. This is my kids quality. So how is this helping rustle? It's not we can just move to the next problem. No, no, no, no, no. What's man? I want to hear What's your love language mine is acts of service and so There's a You know, I I don't know. It's just I think the there's the comedian bill burr who said it one time guys Or wives if you could just do this just one time and watch how your husband's mind just get blown Just Turn the tv on Put a basketball game on

[47:00]Make him a sandwich Open a beer set it on the couch And then just set him right in this down rustle. I hope you're ready to this down I don't I don't know. I don't know if this is bad for an hour and watch their minds get blown And that's that you know, that's what I think of when I think so I just I you know, I don't mind Helping out and I the touching thing. I don't know why something happened to me as a child. I think so You know, you gotta say I'm not a big hugger. I'm not I'm not a big hugger and receiving gifts. I could care less like spending time together That's great. That's that's one I think that'd probably be second place things like that But the acts of service just every once in a while just picking up the house or something or just something This sounds like it might be a response to that. I think you made a comment one of Just put the spoon into the dishwasher. All you have to do is put the spoon into the dishwasher. It sounds like Let's stop touching me afterwards

[48:00]Hey, can you please fold my laundry as an act of service? Aaron, how would Aaron, how would you respond to the love language? Well, I in preparation for this just a little behind the scenes. We had some time to think this over I was going to say burritos, which I guess would be like an act of service like bringing me a burrito But I think now that I know what the real love languages are my I'm like Rob mine is touch So Rob like we're just gonna have to we're just gonna have to sit and hold hands next thing We hang out like yeah, that's that's where I'm at. It's gonna be I I would be so down with that That'd be so fun to me. I just love I I'm so into touch that I like being on a crowded subway Like I'm on a crowd I think there's something called like isn't there like non sexual contact like hugging isn't it? Isn't it like a thing where people just no Any contact is sexual and that's why I got kicked off the college football team By the way, Ross the correct answer is put down your love language is frenchine

[49:00]That song was very different than almost everything on the album It's a pretty solid ending for the album of the mediocre 28 Unless You're like me and you put in a secret track to play at the end in Chuck Berry's career He only had one number one song that hit number one on the billboard charts Did I tell you guys about my sophomore year? This is my dingle Absolutely This is it that's sad It's so duty also the longest song in the four minute song People love it But listen to this the guitar work is still fantastic. Can I be honest with you guys again? I want to bear my soul Yeah, last time it worked great my toilet ring light. Is there something there with that joke?

[50:00]What toilet ring light? So it'd be so dark. How'd you take pictures? It doesn't make sense to me. Do you have a flash? If I said there's got to be a lot of these are honest questions I said down and a flash went off. I would be suspicious Okay, audio or video only do you have to have like one of those part of the red yellow white cables to hook it up Somewhere like an old vhs player or not? It could not be audio. There cannot be audio. That's not a thing. No way It's just video there cannot be a that cannot be part of it the audio of it I mean the guys a musical genius you tell him he didn't have audio. He only had a visual I gotta tell you a Chuck Berry story for one after the podcast too. It's unbelievable. All right Just tell it now. No one's getting this far anyways. Just tell it now. Oh hell nobody's listening They found it. They found a video of him and a woman like They can dump something each other We could say after

[51:00]No Matt Matt's gonna chime in on that one afterwards. That's for the same for the secret pod Yeah, the secret pod Take a breath. Can you imagine in court? They're playing that video and they're like, is that you idea to be like? I should have never got that red and white audio cord I would have been fine with just the damn video, but now they confirm it's me Because you know the video would start with like your face real close to the camera when you turn it on I think I got it the red light Did you hear me now plug in that white cord? Yeah, now could you take a big shit out of this? No, this is going great. Raise my mind. I love it Okay, then at the end you're like, oh god gross. Okay, how do I turn this? It feels like that kind of thing would be hard to schedule too, right? You can't just like poop on command like you'd have to like plan. Okay, like we both typically do

[52:00]They said like what you know 10 a.m. Or whatever it is. Like it seems like a lot of work I would explain all the empty coffee cups in the background Can you imagine if Aaron had to deal with all these complications when he was living out in the garage? It would have made life so difficult. You just see the background. I'm crazy like Oh, yeah, we bought so much milk I can't find the red and white cables. Okay, we've been drinking. I don't know how we're going to record this We've been drinking buttermilk for two days. I'm ready for this day I had a problem while we were making out in the car before our scheduled time We're all in going here and how's it going with you? It's going great. It's it was a beautiful day today. I took the day off to go hiking with my lady So I spent the day in the forest But what I want to talk about a euphemism. What'd you get? What'd you guys do in the forest? What does that mean? We went hiking in the forest

[53:00]That's so dirty. Oh my god, my kids are listening to this stay at above board. Yeah Anyway, did you wear thick boots? Oh damn well Did you bring your walking stick? You know what I'm talking about Don't leave them. Did you guys did you pack a picnic lunch? She's turning the knee in one of our stainless steel Yeah I mean if you ask me about food, it's gonna happen. Stainless steel. It was just hard Okay. No, wait a minute. Wait a minute. We gotta we do have to pause here because I'm gonna kick myself There was occasion where I'm editing the podcast and I will listen to something Rosie says and I realized I didn't step in to make fun of them and I have never not regretted that moment So I do have to say this you went hiking and you did pack a lunch Correct and the lunch you packed is cheese tortellini That classic hiking treat So how did you what did you just eat cold tortellini as you were hiking or what's going on here? I don't understand

[54:00]No, we sat down. It was so so that's not what I asked really but We it was easy because we could Cook a bunch of tortellini this morning Put some of it in my son's lunch for school pack the rest of it in our lunch Throw some cheese on there. No, wait. Stop. Stop your son Like your three-year-old son brings tortellini as his school lunch. Yeah, he loves it Matt how often there's no way like matt showed up when he was a five-year-old We didn't have peanut butter and jelly and had cheese Cheesing it is no no no There's no way other kids have cheese tortellini at lunch. There's always there's always one of those kids All right eddy always comes home from his preschool and was like Charlie had soup today I think his parents said like a thermos along with him. Like oh man, that's that's aggressive Showing everybody up, but I have to step in and take air inside on this Both my kids have thermoses and I do heat up pasta and put it in there hot

[55:00]So it's hot when I have it for lunch. I think kids deserve that Yeah, but you guys also have a friend which most people would call a housekeeper that does all your cooking For you, so it's a much easier to stick my hand on She does not do all the cooking and no this is not making fun of me All right, Russell rolling going how's it going? Rolling going as you guys know, I I've been to a record store once I kind of had a panic and I decided a few days ago that I was going to actually try it again and take your advice You know Matt gave me the advice of I don't know what to get just ask for the pearl jam And if they don't have it I can leave Aaron you said something along the lines of You Aaron you'll find you just kind of said find something and just do the pity buy you got to buy something You got to walk out of there with something so Wait, what's great advice did I give what great advice did I give? I kept looking at the guy who sells the record's feet and he asked me to leave immediately So I had to go to a different record store this time

[56:00]I asked for that one. Okay Sorry to interrupt So I I decided to go back to my local record store and I went in with a plan this time And so I thought I'm gonna go in there and I'm a specifically gonna look for prince purple rain And then if for whatever reason they don't have it I'm just gonna go down the top 500 list until I find a record that they have Oh, this is exciting. Oh my god. I can hardly I'm on pins and needles. I got they had to have purple rain But it was probably like 35 bucks Do you hear that? Oh Okay, so excited for this. I love this segment So I go into the record store and like I said this time I've got a plan because I don't want to panic. I don't want to get record store anxiety I just want to go in there and run my system And so I go in and I start running my plays and I'm starting I go look for a prince purple rain

[57:00]And I don't find it at first Oh, yeah, I script the first 20 plays of this I'm like I'm like Mike martz or whatever that guy's name was from the rams Oh, yeah, I love it bill walsh Yep, and so I start going through and I don't see purple rain But I start kind of going through all the used records and I'm just going down the list So I go back to pet sounds. I'm I'm doing jony Mitchell blue I'm going down all the list of anyone we've covered that I don't already own They don't have any of these right record stores have nothing good. I I've kind of come to the conclusion But eventually I decided I was kind of freaking out. They had no pearl jam I didn't want to ask the guy because I looked at his feet earlier No pearl jam record zero That's not true And so eventually I decided okay I'm going to switch my strategy and I figured I would walk you guys through my strategy And what I came up with so I thought you guys would be excited about this Okay, if you want to follow along at home go into a record store Push pause on the podcast go into a record store Get in there really settle in and then push play and do the step-by-step things that Russell's going to tell you

[58:00]Right now pretend like we're in your like mission impossible Exactly So the first thing I did I figured they had to have prince purple rain I just had to go look for like the new record where there's there's like 20 or 30 new records up by the door So I walked over there And yes, they did have purple rain on vinyl So I picked up purple rain as my first record of the day nice Yes, and is it like a special purple vinyl re-edition re-reissue or anything that doesn't look like he's opened it It it oh, it's open. Can you not see the prince poster on the back of my wall in the zoo? Yeah It's covering up his de angelo poster yet up there before but yeah, I see it So after I found prince purple rain, I decided I'm gonna go to the bargain bin and buy the coolest one I can find for a dollar whatever I go flip through there and pick one out for a dollar Russell, where did you go? What sort did you go to again? I missed it. It's a the star in richfield. I don't know if it's called Cheapo, I don't know what it's 60th in portland. Yeah. Yeah, that's many apples. That's I'll look it up

[59:00]That's a great place. But yeah, sorry I interrupted so I go to the dollar The dollar bin and I'm flipping through and there's a lot of stuff that I'm just This is where I was panicking originally because I'm like, I don't want to buy these terrible records Even if if erin tells me I have to buy something, right? But so I did come across this is I don't know if this is the one we we listened to on the list recently But I came across linda ronstad's greatest hits for a dollar. Oh my god For a buck. Oh, she can you know who would be so excited for that is my wife She is on the biggest linda ronstad kick She was asking me when we're gonna do her album on the podcast because she wants to like watch a documentary about it It got bumped way back. Yeah, I didn't have the heart to tell her that I said, oh real soon and then she'll you know, forget eventually The next thing I went to look for on the list was the next highest album I could find that was up in the top 100 So I was just looking for anything that was in the top 100 and I'm flipping through all these records Just looking for something and the one I came across. I think this is in the 20s is carol king tapestry Oh, oh, yeah, I love that album

[1:00:00]That's a bunch of hits when I listen down the list. It's so good So far away for my fourth album I just wanted to get something that I thought would be super fun And I came across this and we've talked about this one before and I had to get it It is the cocktail soundtrack with And the cover of rave on on there. Oh, there's some good stuff now Russell. I gotta ask you I have to ask you when you brought the cocktail I hid that on the bottom of the stack When you brought that on the counter, did that record guy give you a look? I mean because this would be what would make me nervous. I mean, you're buying prints You're you're buying some legit ones and then you're getting the cocktail soundtrack Well, Rob. Yes, I was a bit nervous and I kept literally I sat in the corner for a little bit Like moving them around in an order where I thought it would be most respectable because he's like Do I put the prince one first because then he's probably like, oh, this is just some dude who lives in Minnesota He's buying prints And then the other ones I was like, maybe he's just buying this cheap one dollar one So I kind of had to go through a strategy of how I presented them

[1:01:00]But well, you were in the corner fiddling around. He probably had his finger right on the pervert alarm He was like, okay, I'm gonna hit this very soon All these perverts coming in here Well, if he were to hit the pervert alarm He would have hit it on this fifth album because I went with the most perverted one I could find And that is the big bopper Oh Oh, baby, I love playing my album. I think it's so great I died baby in a plane crash. Oh, no, I'm the big bopper I'm doing all the jokes from the last episode because I can't think of anything new Have you listened to the big bopper record yet? I did listen to the big bopper and I had to listen to that shantilly lace song But I was so disappointed because I thought the actual lyrics were shantilly lace put it in my face like robin sang before

[1:02:00]And they're not I don't remember what they were But the big bopper album is actually pretty awesome. Let's be very clear for our two female listeners out there That wasn't rob, baby. That was me the big bopper A character that when I say things it doesn't reflect what rob thinks it is not the opinions of this podcast Baby I'm not circumcised, baby. Oh, no The big bopper ran out of things to say real fast today, baby So that was my adventure in the record store and I feel like now I have a new plan and a new approach Where I can go in there and look for hey I'm looking for something that I just think is fun the coolest one dollar record I can find the next highest one on the list And a new one And the most perverted one I can find Because I feel like I can execute on that strategy every single time I like to think if you put in the big bopper record on the counter and be like pretty perverted, huh?

[1:03:00]The guys like wait, what? You're like, yep, pretty perverted way worse So that's why when you guys were asking me if I was embarrassed about the cocktail one I was like, no, I was more embarrassed about the big bopper one I will tell two stories Rob. I know you're dying to jump in but I'll tell two stories about my job that will support Matt's hypothesis one We had some Significant layoffs I don't know it's three years ago now And the day that we got yeah losers get them out of here I didn't like when they gave me valentines. Anyway, it's fuck those guys. They told us about the layoffs On October 31st and they called us into a like a last minute meeting It was like, oh these six people are losing their jobs on halloween. Yes And there was a woman dressed in a pumpkin outfit Like sitting in the meeting where we got the notification that we were getting laid off That I I wasn't getting the lady in the pumpkin outfit get laid off. Fortunately. No, she did not

[1:04:00]But that's a good word. She wore it the right time then and then the other thing that I should mention And this is like a niche thing for maybe some of our listeners who may or may not appreciate this every other monday I because I don't know if you guys know this I'm someone's boss people report to me like Do you get a case of the monday? Can you imagine going into work and there's your boss and he's like fuck me. I don't want to do jack shit today Like Yeah, hey, I have a meeting and it's like you can see he's at the child's science center in the bag He's like you need to work hard to give me those reports right away. I'm very Your annual review is blank just like the songs that air and tcb wife finishes to go into his office And he's like, oh, let me turn down the radio and you're like, I didn't hear anything and he's like exactly Think about that there are eight people who call me their manager jesus christ And every oh my god, that's almost a baseball team monday

[1:05:00]I have to log into a mainframe computer. I log into the mainframe to approve their pto time Every other monday I get a hop on Yeah, I log into the mainframe. And so that's that's that's really how it is. So the intact mug You're you're talking all this shit about like oh this that and the other thing and meanwhile, somebody's like Can I have some time off? I have a family emergency. I've didn't so you're like, sorry. Nope not covered by company policy. Goodbye Sorry, I never denied anybody's time off sorry. It's low tide. I can't get to my email Low tide Sorry, I didn't need you to get those reports I'm so busy This person doesn't get their family medical leave because I'm at the beach. I've never denied anybody pto. Come on. Shit Wait a minute. I can see in the background is your son sitting on a towel of somebody's naked body You're telling me what to do. This is fucked Oh, sorry. I can't talk to you right now. I was just reading a book about samurai swimming. It's like

[1:06:00]I mean, you can just pick anything erin's ever said to be like, how is this person a boss? How is he a boss and I'm not I don't I'm not a boss of anybody There is nobody at my work Who can say who I can tell somebody to do and they do it. There's just nobody there's nobody below me I am the bottom man. But that's not how adults work No, Rosie. I just hope that somehow some way somebody in your life other than the four of us and your wife Who was in on the joke sees you with a in a tech mug at some point in your life and just starts laughing I hope so, right? Yeah, I hope so because it fits. Yeah, it fits. I hope it's somebody you just fired as we're in a costume I've never fired anyone. Oh, right You've never fired anybody. You've never taken actions that have led to somebody be fired. No, never fired Hey kids, we're gonna have an imaginary Christmas this year Because you're going to you're going to Orlando with your kids to disney world this week. You're fired I

[1:07:00]Don't know so like there's this time where everybody else is in bed. That's kind of me time And so it's a big decision. Do I stay up and hang out do the things I want to do or do I go to bed? So I can get up early. I don't know. Let's do the crossword mystery journal But I think we should all feel honored. I think what Matt is telling us is that one night a week Is valuable me time is spent with us. So I think we should appreciate that Yeah, you guys should appreciate no after this Matt Matt tells me he has meat time after this. So I don't I don't know what the I don't know that is meat Yeah, well done. Oh, I usually do like yeah, if I got some meat in the fridge I go in and eat it right at the podcast like if I got some chicken left over or like a sausage That's what I go fuck it. Yeah Yeah, make a case of the end go to bed. Ah, that's good living Listen, man I'm like I'm like one hour sober of making fun of Aaron and I can stick with it. That was tough That was tough. You tempted me there. You tempted me there Because what you just told the mouse is over the snake. It's just like so close to be like

[1:08:00]Speaking of meat and eating meat late at night. How about Graceland? I guess I don't see how that I don't get the how that goes together at all But you don't want to eat meat late at night. Like I guarantee Peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Well, I he must have had buckets of chicken once in a while though Oh, yeah, I gotta admit though dying on the toilet like Elvis did I did that would be okay, wouldn't it? If you're just like, oh man, I'm having trouble and then you're like, oh, I'm dying. Oh, well Like Like your last thought in life is like, oh, I got a wipe like I cannot have somebody come in You know what I mean? Like it's bad enough to be getting with. Oh my god I don't know like it's like that one time you brought a bagel into the bathroom with you at the same time And you're like, oh god throw this bagel out You try to flush down the toilet so they don't see that you're eating bagel and they come in and you're dead And it looks like you've shit out this bagel and everybody's like, oh god, there's a whole bagel

[1:09:00]It's not even chewed up or anything like that's wild That would be my life story. You know what and if that happens at my funeral Tell that story. Okay, play the you know what play this sound clip and everybody at my funeral Don't steal my jokes about noise-canceling headphones. Okay. That's my Would you rather Would you rather go out in Autoerotic If it's fixation that we'd have to cover up or would you rather have us cover up the bagel in the bathroom I think if it was a bagel in the bathroom situation and you told everybody was autoerotic fixation They'd be like, I don't know. I heard there's a bagel in the bathroom like nobody would believe you It's like that sounds like a lot of work I don't think raw would be able to set up all that belt stuff But I do believe that he would try to eat the bagel in the bathroom and then try to flush it as he dies My last sight would be a bagel not getting flushed on the toilet. I'm like The only question is if you can do autoerotic Asphyxiation lying down if it can be done lying down, then they'd believe it If it's a standing up situation, they know it's not Rob I don't know. I gotta have some meat time figure that out. What do you think? What do you think it's more difficult autoerotic

[1:10:00]Exficiation while laying down or eating a bagel while laying down Oh I'm a champ. I'm a champ at laying down eating stuff when I was younger. I used to tell my dad Can you go make a sandwich for me? And he would just get up and make me a bologna sandwich and cheese and heat it up and bring it to me in bed And so when I first got married, I was sitting there in bed and I turned to Jed. I go Hey, can you go make me a sandwich real quick? And she goes, what the fuck did you just say to me? And I was like Wait, what? Like I was seriously confused. I was like, what? What is going on here? Like why is this not happening? And then I said my dad used to go make me sandwiches and she goes What is wrong with you? And I was like, oh, I thought that's like everybody's life like Really this podcast is really therapy for me like makes me realize why I am the way I am It's possibly because my dad used to just make sandwiches now He also once was going upstairs to get something and I said, hey, grab me whatever you're getting I'll take a bite of it comes down. He goes. Oh, here you go a little bit on a fork or whatever It looked like chocolate ice cream or whatever I eat it and I was like, oh, what is that? And he goes, oh, this is a cat food. I was feeding the cat downstairs. So

[1:11:00]Fed me what cat food? Oh, yeah, I distinctly remember that he denies it up and down and then brings up the cake mix stuff, but I'm going to interview him about that too. I'm going to interview him about the cake mix on the cat food And we're going to get this to the bottom of this. I thought he was going to give you a piece of his best friend's wife when he was I thought he was going to bring you a disco ball I like that, I went to Russell because you gave up like I went through and you were like Now I figured you're going to give up. So I was going to ask you guys, what is your Halloween? What was your best Halloween costume that you ever had? What were the ones you were most proud of? I have two My first one is I also have two for a few parties. I would say early 20s I went as Hollywood Hulk Hogan the pro wrestler I've never been good at dressing up finding a costume because you always think you've got the best one and then somebody Like Russell always comes just way over the top. It's got an awesome You know, is this because you dressed as regular Hulk Hogan that one time and then Russell showed up as Hollywood

[1:12:00]Yeah, Hollywood Hulk with his nw You went as just Hulk when he's not in costume Rob showed up as the Hulk Hogan that had that that adult video that got taped with him by doctor I just top this both. Oh, I just had some sushi Blah Oh, I'm a fucking my wife's friend brother Wait, I love fucking my friend's wife brother. Sorry, I'm gonna add it that in later. Okay. Let me get a clean take on that Friend's wife's brother Matt, what you're gonna do when Hulk Hogan pornographic style runs wild on you Guys, can we go through one podcast where I don't have to edit out so much stuff about a Hulk Hogan sex state, please And this could be controversial

[1:13:00]Yes Emotional support dogs that are wearing diapers on the plane your thoughts. Can I tell the story? I I was sitting I always sit in the aisle I travel fairly often for work always sit in the aisle so I can get up and move around if need be and Not disturb the other two people by going across. Okay, so I'm I'm flying I think I'm flying to charlotte something like that and the Nobody's next to me. I'm on the aisle. I got the middle and the Against the windows open and I'm thinking yes, they're two seconds from shutting the door. Yes. Here we go Shut the door. Oh, no a lady walks in She's got a dog. That's in the back. Okay Yeah, luckily I get to fly pretty close to the front so That's a good to be another call next week And so the dog walks in and the dog it doesn't you know She's just carrying the dog basically and it doesn't have any emotional support like

[1:14:00]It's got like a red vest normally or something It basically has a handle on its collar that says support dog like that was made by the person's grand That you can buy on amazon for like three bucks. Yeah, so The lady sits against the window the middle seat's open. All right 10 minutes into the flight. She decides that she's gonna lay down take a nap Right her dog is gonna lay down in the middle of the on the ground She's gonna kick her feet up right next to me and she's gonna take a nap. Okay, and I'm like All right, this is great. So did you take out your phone and take pictures of her feet? Wait, what are you guys like? Is that all out? She just wakes up and she's you're next or just going through just hundreds of pictures of her feet On your phone and you're like highlighting them and like zooming in and out. This is my favorite right here This is my favorite And so 10 minutes in she's sleeping the dog is just moving all around. She's like sit down Five minutes after that the dog shits everywhere right onto the floor

[1:15:00]And she's sleeping, right? Oh, she doesn't know it And so then everybody is looking around and they're looking back at me and they're looking for it And i'm like they're like who's that who's that guy that went sir duke in 12a Matt's fully recline because he's like oh, I got so much gas but what I feel recline Feels so good You know, so I'm like, oh my goodness and I had no idea at first. I thought the dog just farted but then You know, she kind of looks up and oh you hear her say oh She's frantically trying to clean things up I get up and I go to the back of the plane and the stewardesses are nice Stewardess flight attendants. I don't know what you call me. I sit back And one of their jump seats they let me I tell them what's going on Okay, so they're like no, she's got to clean that up and then I'll go back up and they're like no We get it sounds good. So She cleans it up Go back up 10 minutes later. I'm really sorry. I mean, hey bad day. I get it. No problem 10 minutes later the exact same scene happened

[1:16:00]Again The exact same thing happened. She should have reclined that middle chair for that dog They yeah, I got up when I walked I grabbed my stuff. I walked to the back They found me a seat in the back. I had to sit in the middle in the back But it was fun oh no big baller got to sit in the middle in the back With the hell big baller Let's get into our favorite segment rolling going Time to see what everybody's up to it's time for rolling going Every time I forget how dumb that is that oh, yeah sounds That's the most inappropriate. Oh, yeah, I've all the sound clips. There's no question I don't even want to know what you were doing or how you made that Oh, yeah sound rom But if anything is over the line in terms of your sound bites, that is worse that arids mom one on one

[1:17:00]I will say that I think when we're texting each other all week being like guys The podcast is so long why is it so long and then it turns out I just have a sound clip for every single thing We talk about and the sound clips are just getting longer and longer Pretty soon. It's just literally going to be like a three-minute sound clip of me. Just go ahead. Oh Oh Yeah, it's just three minutes of that. We're just going to be holly. We think it's the funniest shit And I'm gonna see we're right bopper is big bopper on the top 500 We're gonna get the big bopper. There's probably a good chance to use. Oh, yeah Oh god Is there a judy garland album so we can do a little what's that movie she was in that wizard of os we can do a Oh Yeah Oh, it's the wizard of os guys if the big bopper was watching the little wizard of os I think it would go something like this. Oh, baby. I hope I don't die in a plane crash, baby. Oh, no Them flying monkeys got me thinking about plane crashes. Hey, baby

[1:18:00]Ah You can ask me to do other big bopper precious. No, no, no, no, no This is my this is another one of my patented. Maybe that's a sound drop. I need a patented rob impression Oh Yeah It's a plane crash, baby. Look out Our listeners can't see this but about 40 seconds ago era just put his head in his hands and stopped responding We don't really have a sound bite that captures that fully and if we did the oh, yeah, it would certainly not be as enthusiastic As ross was a movie about buddy holly, baby and a movie about richie valens, baby. What about me, baby? The big bopper movie It is kind of fucked that he didn't get a movie, right? Isn't that isn't that who the three guys were is a big bopper richie valens and buddy holly? That's true I mean, there's probably a porno called big bopper, right? Sorry, I don't know. I'm just guessing there must be you're sorry. No, you cannot say there's a porno with big bopper And then just say I'm sorry

[1:19:00]And I will be bringing up the porno with big bopper later. So I need to keep it in the episode Oh Why are you stuck under that? Why are you stuck under that couch, baby? You're trying to get something you can't move, baby. What's gonna happen? Now I'm showing you how much pornography I know about hey, baby. We're not you're just my step sister, baby This is a record for how quickly we've gone off the rest of this podcast That movie would be called the step big bop Somewhere the big bopper is rolling over in his grave right now That's that's just the big bopper. That's not you rob because you respect women, right? I do and it's shameful that the big bopper would be speaking like that But I do think his song. I mean he's singing all about chantilly lace. It's like This should the chantilly lace can't can't be anything but about sex, right? That'd be a great video Somebody should bring that back Is there a rapper called chantilly lace? There should be

[1:20:00]There should be and it should be all about like panties Hey, baby, chantilly lace put it in my face dig through your drawers when you're not around You leave the house you go to town I go when you're under withdrawal. Whoa, whoa I feel like you've thought this through previously Rob Before we we started recording this podcast I was telling bat and erin and rob that I was recommending this podcast to a few female friends of mine And I immediately regret that right now Hey Russell Okay, I can't do any more big bopper is filthy. I don't know what it is about the big bopper But saying dirty stuff in the big bopper doesn't seem bad. Well, if you read his lyrics I wouldn't be able to expound my lyrical readings lately, but Hello, baby Yes, this is the big bopper speaking

[1:21:00]Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute Okay, go ahead Answer it Oh, baby. Just ignore that phone call. Baby Hello, baby. Yes. This is the big bopper speak Oh, you sweet I don't like it when you read it like this Will I watch Oh, baby what I like I mean the jokes right themselves. Do you think he would do anything for love, but he wouldn't do that because that's what's going on What's that, baby? What's that? Oh, but oh honey, but oh, baby what I like Rolling going Rob. I bet the big bopper had a very small penis ironically You know what I mean? It's like when a huge guy is called tiny or whatever Oh, no, baby. Let's turn the lights off, baby. All right

[1:22:00]I'm not editing that out. I don't care. And you know what the worst part is? I had a fantasy football draft with my family and as a joke text I said you need to subscribe to the podcast before you can Draft and my mom texted back and go, what's it? How do I subscribe to a podcast and my friend goes? Oh, no, don't There you go. Thank you. Yep. So mom if you're listening, oh, I'm sorry, baby All right Pretty soon guys, okay I swear to God the next podcast we do we're going to go at least 10 minutes before I do a super dirty joke That we need to all think about whether or not we're going to edit out of this thing. Put the clock on We'll get the clock. This one was my fault. I apologize Yeah Rosie brought up porn. I should never do it. It's true. So rolling going Matt now that you can think about anything else man is like furiously googling big bopper Penis size Matt now that you can't think of anything else Huge hands. He's got huge hands

[1:23:00]First of all, bologna and cheese sandwiches are only good if you also have mustard So I didn't think there's no mustard then you really can't add that is a good point. Matt doesn't seem like a mustard guy does he? Yeah, oh, yeah, no big mustard guy. I have never Wait a minute. What a Big mustard guy You know what that reminds me it's Fuck wait a minute. I have never ever look I love doing that. I've never wanted an episode to end More than this mustard guy Hello, and we keep talking. Hello Hello, who is this? I'm big mustard guy I'm calling you from paris Because it's french's mustard Why not from niece? Why from paris? Well, could think of any other Who is it? That's not important. Thanks for putting me on your bologna sandwiches

[1:24:00]By the way, I'm also from a plant a lot like vanilla, which is also something we talked about in the podcast Run it out of mustard. Yep. Well, I'm in hell. I'll see you guys later. Goodbye Goodbye big mustard guy See you next year I think big mustard guy might be showing up. That's my answer really grown I cannot wait to not listen to this album ever again. Thank you. I wonder big mustard guy is related to giant mustard guys He's just torturing me right now It's so awful He's gonna hang up on us. He's gonna be the first ever knock off the set. No, he can't actually have locked it down You know what my opinion is Erin because I don't like I don't like wine that has a lot of tannins And I especially don't like wine when they chase me around on a hoverboard and it turns out it's a biff tannins

[1:25:00]I mean, that's crazy Excuse me. Is this why I have a lot of biff tannins? I dare you to say that next time You can't go across the water unless you have power Now that's the one quote I know from back to the future two No one else remembers that scene I do that quote. They're like, what are you talking about? I'm like, oh from back to the future two Oh idiot Dumb stuff I like getting phone calls from certain people but for the most part. Yeah, I just text It goes like this, right? It goes the hierarchy is this it's like Text in from less psycho to more psycho. What do you when you do one of these? It goes text and then it goes a voice phone call, right? And then it's FaceTime call

[1:26:00]Right, and then the most psycho thing that's ever happened to me is that Suzanne my friend Suzanne called me on the peloton the other day Like just a straight up peloton call. That's that's that's like a 10 cycle level. Oh, yeah Yeah, you can she just said hey peloton call rob. Did you have your shirt on? No, of course not. I'm on my peloton That's why she called. She was like, she's like, I'm just trying to see shirtless rob So she called him on the peloton. Well what my nickname in high school was is the deli counter The deli counter. Yeah, I had all the finest cuts of beef over here. You know what I mean? It was like Okay And my nipples look like pepperonis. I think the worst phone call I've gotten in the last few years is My mom usually doesn't call me but she called me one day in like the middle of the afternoon. I was like, oh my god Someone has to be dead, right? Why else would my mom be calling me right now? And then it turned out she was just calling And wondering if I would give her a ride to the airport in like six months because she was planning a trip

[1:27:00]From Phoenix And I was like, yeah, I can do that But you don't need to call and make me think that like someone has passed away at like noon on a Tuesday Hey, mom, let me think about how about this? Fuck and you go away and bring your hands to the airport. Okay How about instead of getting this phone download an app called uber get your own goddamn ride? God damn it How far is it from the airport? What the hell? Russell's like, oh, you're gonna be at the airport. So nobody's gonna be there like by your records and stuff Yes, I'll take you there. Don't call my phone mom. Call Rob's peloton if you need somebody Get to me on the podcast. I'll tell you when it when you see the peloton camera It's gotta look a lot like what it looks like having sex with me. It's gotta look so Because it really okay. Here we go ready. I'm gonna take my shirt off. I'm gonna get close to the camera This is not this is wait. No one asked for this You're really only getting Just picture now. I'm all sweaty. Yeah, right

[1:28:00]I'm all sweaty and the camera's like this. I'm like super close Hey, how's it going? It's pretty hard. I thought it was gonna be harder, but it's pretty hard Yeah, oh, yeah, no, it's you know, you can only do this for so long Now my butt hurts too Okay, well, yeah, I'm gonna go I'm actually I'm done. Okay. Goodbye. See you Or maybe the ride goes on for too long right I mean everybody's actually that's less fun The bear on ride like sometimes you think the shorter ride like oh, it's so Emasculating to do a shorter ride, but sometimes actually just doing a short ride would be good and everybody probably be happier with it Rob, what is the perfect length for a quote-unquote peloton ride? Ah, oh, I don't know at this point. I would say any from zero to infinite amount would be a perfect amount Because right now my peloton is It's out of commission. Okay. It's I need to I don't know if my shoes don't fit I think there's something wrong the seed height is wrong. I'm not sure what it is

[1:29:00]That peloton stock price is plummeting. Yeah, the peloton seems to go to bed way earlier than I do So it's sometimes it's hard to make those schedules match up the schedule for peloton is like You know when you're on peloton to click on the calendar and see when the next ride is planned I just click on it just says nothing. It just says absolutely nothing is planned And then I say hey, we're gonna do any rides plan and they're like, oh, yeah, definitely We should set that up. We should like set a day or whatever and then it never really circles around You know, maybe like today like you took a nap thinking maybe a peloton would come and hop in the bed with you and instead Stayed outside and did not at all. Your subscription has expired and you woke up and then it was time to do the podcast and you're like Oh, actually, this is pretty disappointing. I thought this I'd be waking up to something else But this is fine, too. I'd be waking up to a peloton ride, but I guess instead It's gonna be an elliptical where you're just moving your hands around It's gonna be that thing at the gym where you curl the weight up and curl back down It's like that mirror workout thing they have where the you

[1:30:00]The mirror workout. Yeah, you film yourself drinking off of the mirror and you have to send it to some guy In europe, you guys don't have that I got a subscription. I think I got ripped off honestly. I think it's It has made this look different like there are classes and stuff It wasn't just a guy yelling at me in, romanian over the phone. I don't know Listen, I don't know how to turn this to euros and I'm going to try to get it to you I don't know why you want so many iTunes gift cards along with this video, but Listen, I love the mirror. I you know, I'm working out with that. I think it's really good Okay, so let's get to the second half of that, voicemail Hey guys, matt from new york This fucking idiot called us twice in one day. This is terrible. You guys talked right over the fucking voicemail. Okay, I'm gonna play it again Here we go. So here's the second voicemail from matt Hey guys, matt from new york, how do you feel about hand jobs? Okay, so he came in that was not just

[1:31:00]That was the first call that was the first call. We're the uncalled back and said I actually had a call that made you look like a spirit So i'm gonna go around now. I now I know why you skipped this guy's birthday party, rod Questions like that Actually, it kind of sounds like it would have been an awesome birthday party. Okay, so we're gonna move on I assume we're gonna actually go talk about what we think like that Well, who's gonna turn it down? You're not gonna turn it down. I mean, I don't know. No, sorry my lady And please don't yeah hey, excuse me. I'm reading my wheel of time science fiction series I don't have time for such things Yeah I'm busy over here listening to ellie at windmores sing about the black iowa dirt. Oh my god, it's true It's probably it's probably a good hand job song. I'll check it out. Like, no It's probably good No, this isn't right. This isn't right. You're allowed to get another beer. You don't have to stick to one beer It's true though. Do you know what would be probably the best hand job song of all time?

[1:32:00]I don't want to know Whoa I mean I do wonder and I I had like I had a thing at work today where we're like I'm I'm on a committee we talked about some stuff and people started talking about like Well, this is a cool project But what's the opportunity cost of doing this project not here to talk about opportunity cost But I do wonder god I was just at your work for five seconds and I want to jump on a window. That sounds terrible What is going on and like all respect to matt like thank you for calling Thank you for going to a william mullet whitmore show. I I need to learn more about this morons. I need to know everything about that But I also like how How were you Matt like rob is right like rob's right like At some point in the afternoon, he was doing whatever he was doing. He was like, well, I wanted to get to it Better guys think about hand jobs like that's amazing. Like yeah, why

[1:33:00]Why is he thinking about us during hand jobs? Like what's going on in this guy's life? Maybe he's he's he's following that rob ever rob gave us that play where if you were about to go too fast You got to start thinking about Yeah, sorry if this was your soundtrack to some love making and now we've screwed it all up Having this erotic conversation Very good. All right, man hates it. He put it in the chat. He goes. I hate him. So, okay, so somebody's spoiling I don't like him with his man. I just feel I feel like he's on some sort of long con or something like that Like he's asking these questions. He's invited rob to a party All sorts of stuff like this is all good. He's playing chess. We're playing checkers This is culminating towards something in like the year 2033 with rob involved somehow. So I don't know I'm interested in that sort of saying though like Could gary kasparov like if gary kasparov just switched to checkers

[1:34:00]Would he just destroy everyone in the world in checkers or would the world's best checkers player beat the world's best chess player at checkers? Is chess inherently better than checkers like Or if you were great at checkers, could you meet a great chess player at checkers if they cross over into your We just watch the hand jobs. What the fuck are you talking about? Matt's talking about chess and checkers. Well, I spent the chess players who can see like eight to ten moves ahead Are like the masters, right? And so I mean again checkers. There's only like ten moves in the whole game. So I'm guessing it's kind of like a What is it called a tic-tac-toe? You know, I mean there's like two ways to win and a million ways to lose and if you just Do the one or two ways to win. So I don't know where it's like when pilot It's like when pilot shit too used to play uke or like at some point the hands just play themselves That's true Okay, so go back to episode 25 of you and hear about pilot shit too and what the fuck we're talking about with that Oh my god, what a good callback. Did I ever tell you guys though when I was in high school?

[1:35:00]I was actually they had these one-man chess tournaments Yeah, I reached the rank of hand master Hand master Just gotta make sure you don't take your hand off that piece before you double down and you'll king me, right? Yeah They're like you actually have a lot of time left on your clock and I'm like I don't need it. Yeah, check and I'm good