BEST OF VOLUME 1: With SPECIAL GUEST!!!!!1!!

[0:00]Hi, everyone. This is Rob from Beck Did It Better. Well, it finally happened. The four Of us could not get together to record an episode this week, so we put together a best Of clip show for all you Beckerheads who would have something to listen to. I also think This is a good dropping off point for new listeners because we go through some of the Running jokes we've had. So if you think of anyone that you would think enjoyed this podcast, This is a great episode to share with them. Now, if they're anything like me, when somebody Recommends a podcast, I say thanks and I never listened to it, but maybe you'll have more Success. I also want to take the time to thank Russ, Aaron, and Matt for doing the show, And I can't tell you how much fun it's been podcasting with them over the last year. I Especially want to thank Russ for pulling all these clips this week. I also want to Thank our hardcore fans who have been calling and texting the Beck line at 802-277-BECK, Emailing us at beckdiditbetter at gmail.com, and following us at beckdiditbetter on Instagram, Twitter, and even TikTok. Now, a quick word about the app. Some of our early episodes Had dubious sound quality, so I want to apologize in advance. Also, I got a very special guest To co-host with me this week, so I didn't hold back in playing some embarrassing Material. I'm going to play a little bit of music. I'm going to play a little bit of Material, but the only time they put their head down was the very last clip I played.

[1:00]It's a real doozy. Well, here we go. Best of Beck Did It Better, Volume 1. Best of Beck Did It Better, Volume 1. You are upset. Clip shows what you're stuck with.

[2:00]We all just want a little rest. All Rob had to do was some edits. But then he went and got a special guest. When you want to hear about the greatest albums of all time, But you're just too lazy to look it up online. If you want to hear from guys who chat and then they get off track. I've got the perfect podcast for you, Jack. Beck Did It Better. So, Mom, this is how we're going to do this, okay? So, the plan is that we can't get together and do an episode this week Because everybody's too busy. We've got too many commitments. It's mostly Aaron's fault. But I wanted to play some of the best bits of the show for you. And then explain the show to you.

[3:00]Good. Because I figured if I could explain it to you, then that's me explaining it to everybody. So, your goal here is you don't have to be funny. You don't have to be anything except for how you really feel. So, if you think something's terrible, you can tell me. If you think I'm trying to get too much attention, you can tell everybody that. There's only like two people that are going to be listening to this. So, you don't need to worry about that. In 2020, four friends decided to listen to every one of the greatest 500 albums As decided by Rolling Stone Magazine. This resulted in a text chain that celebrated the music, Excoriated the order, and led us to making the podcast. We are far from experts, and we promised to do almost no research. All opinions are our own unless you disagree. Please sit back and enjoy Beck Did It Better. This is the best of volume one. Perfect. All right. So, I'm going to play. Now, I'm going to play the theme song. And I wrote and sing in this theme song. You ready for this? Maybe not. When you want to hear about the greatest albums of all time

[4:00]But you're just too lazy to look it up online If you want to hear from guys who chat and then they get off track I've got the perfect podcast for you, Jack Beck Did It Better. Yeah, it's so good. So good. All right. So, this is Beck Did It Better. This is a podcast I started with three of my colleagues. Three college friends. I'll show you a question, a picture of the three college friends right now. Just to give you an idea of what they look like. Okay. So, here's me in the middle. This is when we were in Las Vegas, and they all put pictures of me on shirts and wore them. I see. So, this is me. Here's Russell right here. Here's Aaron. He's very bald. And here's Matt. Aaron, if you remember, sang at my wedding. Remember, he didn't do a good job, and he kind of ruined it. Everybody didn't like it. And then Russell, if you remember. Also had a job at the wedding, but we're going to talk about that at the podcast here.

[5:00]So, the idea of the podcast is that we listen to the top 500 albums on Rolling Stone. That Rolling Stone set with the top 500, and then we talk about the albums, and we talk About whether we like them or what we think of them. And so, this is the first one I ever did. This is Michael Jackson's Thriller. We did the album. So, what I did is I took the song where Vincent Price, do you remember, where he's talking During the song, and I made kind of a spoof of it. It kind of explains who everybody on the podcast is. Got it. Okay. Hey, guys. Thanks for meeting me in person today for this recording session. I really appreciate it. I didn't think it was safe for us to meet in person, but Aaron kept texting Scamdemic, Stink Scamdemic, over and over again. I thought he was going to get in trouble. Yeah, no. He doesn't care. So, here's the deal is that I did rent this big, spooky mansion that we can record at. So, let's just walk up to it right now. Let's do it. All right. Oh, my goodness. Oh. I was looking like that, dude.

[6:00]Rob, something's behind you. Oh, yeah. The podcast hour is close at hand, and our four hosts will make their plans. Russ is at the record store and dating online and trying to make us have a shorter run time. He's editing episodes all night and day, and thinking of dirty things to say. Matt's also working hard as well, making spreadsheets of things that can go to hell. I think they did better tonight. Ooh, baby. Hope it goes all right. Wow, what a singing voice. Yeah, honey. Hope Aaron and Matt start a fight. Uh-huh. Looking at downloads on the website. Oh, man. A number of listeners to slide.

[7:00]And Aaron's locked in his garage, so sweet. Looking at photos online of feet. Thinking of songs that are so obscure. And his funny laugh is the only reason he is here. And though the quality will take a dive with only old jokes in our quiver, We are forced by this damn list. To make a podcast about the Michael Jackson album. Thriller. All right, so that was the introduction to Thriller that we did, And then we would talk about it a little bit. But we have Russ, who lives in Minnesota. Matt, who lives in Minnesota. Aaron, who lives in California. And myself, who lives in New York, although I'm now in Minnesota, Hanging out with the family, and it's super fun. So what we do is we record it together, and then I edit it, and then I send it to Russ. That's why I said he's always trying to get it to be shorter, Because I would like to have a four-hour podcast. If you can believe that or not.

[8:00]Ooh. Butt buster. Well, you don't have to just sit on your butt listening to the podcast, Mom. You can walk around and do whatever you want. Got it. So I'm going to play for you right now. Here is a clip from our revolver, And this was a story about Russ when he was in my wedding. And you're actually in this story. That's why I picked it for the first one. So he was an usher, and if you remember, he had to do some tasks, And then he had kind of a disappointing end to the wedding. So let's listen to it right now. And again, I want to remind you, I'm playing a character on this. Are you ready for this? Got it. Do you have any questions about the podcast so far? Not so far. I think you're saying it's not that hard to do it. I can follow it. Well, okay. Well, that's good. All right, here we go. Did it better. So let's go. Next one. Eleanor Rigby, one of the few songs Where there are no Beatles playing on it at all. No guitar, no nothing. George Martin arranged this on strings. Paul still plays it with acoustic stuff, but... I think... This was my favorite song on the album.

[9:00]And I love this opening lyric about Eleanor Rigby Picks up the rice in the church where the wedding has been, Lives in a dream. And it's all about this loneliness of this person. Her job was literally to pick up the rice at the wedding. What a horrible job. And she's wearing a face that she keeps in a jar by the door? Like, that is some lonely shit. Well, see, now that I can relate to. That is actually the one part I do relate to. I can actually directly relate to this Picking up the rice in the church. Like, I've never had to do that. That seems like a terrible job. But I was a groom... Not a groomsman. I believe an usher in Rob's wedding. That's like above groomsman for a lot of weddings, Russell. Just to let you know. I was an usher at Rob's wedding probably, what, 15 years ago. 16. And we're there. And the wedding gets over. And everyone runs out to the limos, to jump in the limos. We're going to drive downtown afterwards. And Rob's mom, I believe, comes up to me And essentially tells me, Hey, you need to go pick up all those statues that we put up. Like, she treated me like the help, kind of.

[10:00]It was 105 degrees. See, I don't remember any of this. Yeah, you were having fun. I pick up all these statues And then I come running out and I barely make the limo. And the limo is full, So I have to sit in the front fucking seat With the limo driver For a 45-minute drive downtown. I forgot about that! And so I literally... I am literally sitting in the front, You know, where they have to put up the... The screen or the window Where you can't see in the back. So all my friends, All the bridesmaids that are back there That I'm going to try to talk to, And I don't get to sit by anyone. I'm sitting up by the front with the driver. And I remember looking at him and I'm like, Can I at least drink up here? And he looks at me and kind of gives me the... He realized I am the lonely person. Like, in this Eleanor Rigby song. You're Eleanor Rigby. And he just, he said, You do what you need to do, man. So I sat up there, But I never really thought about it. And then I listened to the lyrics to the song, And I'm like, man, I'm the lonely person

[11:00]Who had to pick up the damn statues At Rob's wedding like this. Eleanor Rigby had to pick up the fucking rice. Yeah, we threw those away the next day. We didn't even want those statues. We just tossed them. We didn't even need them. I remember the back of the limo Is the problem. I mean, the air conditioning was too... It was too cold in there. Conversation? It was just too wild? You were laughing too much? Hey, John, What about the change of the song where... It's about somebody picking up statues. My Paul McCartney voice Is going away pretty badly. It sounds like Rick Robbins. It's perfect. Thanks, everybody, for the support. Keep it up, buddy. Yeah, so that song's fun And not depressing at all. And Russell, once again, Thank you for picking up the statues. Yeah, because how are you supposed to have a wedding If I don't have statues of myself around Where it's like, Oh, here's Musa Centaur. The nude statues, Like the David Robb version, Was probably not necessary, But it worked for your guy. Yeah, exactly. I'm like, hey, make it bigger.

[12:00]Okay, and that was the joke You thought I was going to make And I made it. Oh, I'm so disappointed in myself. Okay, wait a minute. I'm going to come up with A different take of that joke. Make it smaller. Yes, I nailed it. Yes! Yes, I came through. Robb, yes! I am the best. All right. I'm only sleeping. This turns out to be One of my... Favorite songs on the album And I didn't know That I know this whole song And then I was listening And I know the whole song. I really love it. Lennon has a theme I'm singing about sleeping In a couple of albums, Which maybe he was depressed. I don't know. Well, obviously he was, but... This is a song Where they actually played it Faster And they slowed it down For the album. They used a various speed on this. I didn't know that. Which they did on a couple of albums. You're not supposed to do any research, Rob. You promised. No, I was told that By the Limbo Club. Limbo driver. Because I was up actually In the front of the other limo

[13:00]As well. And he was like, Hey, I'm a big expert On the Beatles. And it's back. The voice is back big time. It's back. It's back. When you want to hear About the greatest albums Of all time. Do you have any recollection At all of talking to Russ At the wedding And making him move Flowers and stuff like that? None. And I'm pretty sad To have made him Into an Elmer Rigby Because that's pathetic. But I think it was My bossy, mouthy friend Jane Teigen That did it. That did not mean. Oh, no. Don't let Jane hear this. Yeah. I just can't be blamed. I refuse to accept Any shame. Well, I think on a wedding day, I think you get, You paid the big bucks. I think you get to Tell people what to do. Doesn't that seem fair? I have no memory Of any statues At the wedding. I think it was flowers And I think I made it into, I think he said statues Because it sounded heavier Like he was actually in work Because moving flowers, I mean, that doesn't sound Hard at all, does it? That's more, yeah, Elmer. Yeah, it's really like He barely did anything at all. Yeah. Well, anyway, I feel I'm sorry that he was

[14:00]A lonely man, But I've spent Some pretty lonely times At multiple weddings. I guess we all have, huh? Well, he's not just Was a lonely man. I think he still is. And let's talk about that Real quick. Let's get into Russ's dating life. So this is a recent date. Russell is the only one Of us that isn't married. And so he often regales us With his online dating stories. And I always thought Being an online, I mean, can you imagine Dating now with all these Apps and everything? Well, just hell. Oh, I was going to say It sounds awesome. But so I think That it would be It would be a ton of work And you just go out With a bunch of I mean, I think we all dated losers At some point, right? Can you imagine just Randomly dating online? You'd run into tons of losers. Let's listen to How this date goes. Russ, rolling going. How's it going with you? So the other day I went on a date with a woman And she announced She was pregnant At about 10 minutes Into the date. So how do you guys Deal with that? First date, 10 minutes in. First round draft pick Of an online date. And you get the announcement That yes, I'm actually

[15:00]I'm not drinking today. Not because I haven't Had a good experience With alcohol. It's not my thing. I'm allergic. It's yeah, I'm actually Pregnant. So that's my life. We can just move on. That's my life. Doesn't that seem like I mean, isn't that Something that There's got to be stuff That there's like rules Of things you have To disclose. You would think so. So could you tell Did it come out? Like, could you As she walked out? You walked up to the table And you're like, well, I'm curious about Whether this woman Is pregnant or not. Or did you like, How did this Was it a complete Surprise to you? Nope. Couldn't tell. Okay. Okay. So early on early, Early in the process. Okay. Just an announcement. There was an announcement About five minutes And we were ordering a drink And she had mentioned Before that she Did not drink. And I was like, That's fine. I don't care. Teach their own. And she said it again. We were sitting there For a few minutes. I was like, okay. And then she said, I'm pregnant. And I was like, I, I thought it was a joke. I thought it was a joke.

[16:00]And then it came up Another time and it was Clear it was not. It was, Yeah, This, This is my life. So on the second date, Did you like figure out The backstory? Yeah. Third date, You're in the hospital Holding a leg. Oh no. Oh no. I don't even know How to respond. This is my life. We can just fucking move on. David Bowie. No, I kind of, I do kind of want to Peel into this a little bit. Please peel. It's an idea. There's, There's plenty, What exactly did you say When she said, I'm pregnant And you said, Ha ha ha. And then she goes, No, I'm actually pregnant. I can't drink. Like how much longer Does the date go on then? And did the thought Cross your mind of like, I can raw dog. You know what I mean? She's not going to get Pregnant again. She's not. It's the ultimate birth control. I actually, I don't know if I can Ever take this back And I sit, I'm just going to be quiet. I can't take it back.

[17:00]I did read a news article On like CNN Or something this week Where a woman Had two different children Within like three months Of each other Where they were conceived While she was pregnant. So that may or may not Have crossed my mind. Possible. Oh, I think I found my new kink. This is weird. This is going to get really weird. This is not good. I got nothing on this. So no, But how long, Did the date last after that? Like, What do you do after that? I mean, Do you, We continued our brunch. I don't know. That's good. That's, That's the gentlemanly thing to do. And so at that point, You're just like, Well, I'm going to get a meal out of this. Did she order two brunches? She did. She did not order two, But I, He's eating for two. I'm eating for two. Drinking for zero. I'm eating for two. I got a feeling she was paying for, She was paying for zero on this day too. I got a feeling she was paying for zero. Russ is paying for two. You got to get a little quicker on that Monday night exit on the,

[18:00]I mean, If you can't laugh, You would cry over this type of shit, Right? Eating for two, But paying for zero. When she sees the bill come in, She's like, Oh boy. So yeah. I mean, Think of the money you'd save on condoms, Russell. It'd be in the millions. I think that's a great cost benefit. You got to think about it. You know what I mean? You know, It's your yellow pad. It puts the positives on the one side of the negatives on the other. And I would say it would get tougher and tougher because I think it is Important. Like if you break up with somebody, Especially if you've been dating for a while to do it in a public place, I would say you have until they're about six months pregnant and then dumping Them in a public place is problematic, Right? If you're dating somebody who's visibly pregnant and you have to break up in a Public place, That looks really, Really bad where you're just like, Yeah, This isn't really working out. Well, See you later. And everybody, Everybody looks around. They're like, Wait, What? You're just like,

[19:00]That would be that. You know, Rob, That's the, That's the thinking three or four step. That's playing chess instead of checkers. And that's why we appreciate you as the lead host of this podcast. Cause that's, That's how you know, So made host, The main host of this podcast. Yeah. If you miss your window though, You're in big, Big trouble. So, Russell, That, I have to say, I am kind of reevaluating what I was saying earlier about my marriage and all Those jokes I was making about the, Marriage phone sex line. My life does sound, Better than that. Okay. Not going to lie. All right. So I was referencing their mom. I was doing a joke about a phone sex line for married couples where it'd be Like, Oh, I did the dishes and I didn't even tell you about it. Hmm. Do you think that's funny? Or like I, I, I not only did I do the dishes, I also cleaned out the sink inside. Hmm. I'm having a hard time laughing at any joke about that sort of thing. So you might just have to, You'd have to start over on that. All right. Well, She did laugh at some of the Monday night football plugs that I put in there.

[20:00]So, Okay. So what I do is that when I'm doing this podcast, I also have this sound effect board, So I can also play sound effects. But as you can see, I, I, I think, I feel like I do have great restraint and I don't play them too much. I let, I kind of let the podcast breathe. So what do you think of the podcast so far? If you had to grade it, It's pretty good. And one of the things I like about it is that people aren't talking over each Other all the time, Which some people do on podcasts, Which I find very annoying. What podcast do you listen to? Well, I listen. I, Which is some that I've tried that I have not done a second time. I'm, You know, Quite addicted to revisionist history. Oh, That's my, My bent. Did they have a part about dating a pregnant person? Was that a role? But they have some quite amusing parts and, And some of the stories I think could fit right in. Oh, Hey, There we go. Great plug for my mom. Us and revisionist history. And I am also not telling you the title of the podcast because I don't Actually want you to listen, But that was from our David Bowie episode. So this next one, This is a, So then, What I would do is I would take a song from the album and make a

[21:00]Parody song. And that's how the, The episode starts. Good. So, Oh yeah, Thank you. So with Russell, I made a parody of a Prince had an album called sign of the times, And he had a song called sign of the times. And so what I did is I made a parody song called pickup lines. Got it. Did you, Did you, Has anybody ever used a pickup line on you? Not for about a hundred years. Did you know any pickup lines? I don't think so. Okay. That's that's good. Or, Or not whatever. So, Oh, And there's one term I have to explain to you. Do you, Have you ever heard the term Bay? No, B A E. It means before anyone else. Oh, So you'd say, Oh, Like, Oh, You're my Bay. And that was short for, Okay. So this is sign of the times, But it's pickup lines. Okay. And again, I'm a character on this. Oh, Russell, This is a great bar. Yeah. Let's, Let's go talk to some ladies. Let me see you some of your, What you got here. Hey baby,

[22:00]What's going on? You play soccer. Oh, You look like a keeper. You know, I always thought happiness started with an H, But it looks like it starts with you. Say, Do you have an Instagram? My mom always told me to follow my dreams. Is that a mirror in your pants? Cause I can see myself in them. Hey ladies, I'm Russ. If you're feeling down, I can feel you up. Say pretty baby, There's something wrong with my phone. Your number's not in it. Baby. If you were words on a page, I know you'd be the fine print. Baby, You must be a library book. Cause I keep checking you out. Baby, You should be hanging in a museum. Cause you're a work of art. Hey, I'm writing an article on the finer things in life. Could I interview you?

[23:00]Oh yeah. Lines. Russ's pickup lines. Oh, Excuse me. Do you like bagels? Cause you're my Bay goals. Oh, Are you a model? Huh? You not? Well, Baby, When did you quit? Did I tell you I run Spotify? Now you're on the hot singles list, Baby. You're so beautiful. You're. You're so hot. Even my zipper's falling for you. Hey, Do you have an inhaler? Cause you have got that ass. Lines. Russ's pickup lines. Hey, I'm researching important dates in history. Do you want to be mine? Hey, Does anybody here want to go halfsies on a baby? When you want, That's kind of fitting. Sorry. The last clip we listened to. Yes. Anything to say about that? How I guess I'm getting pretty old. Well,

[24:00]You can picture me sitting at my kitchen table while the girls are around and I'm recording those songs. Good one. And you're proud of me as I like the library book. Check out. That was my favorite. That's your, That's your favorite one. That's a good one. That's a classic intellectual pickup line. Yeah. Or like, Are you from Tennessee? You're the only 10 I see. I said that to my mom. Wish I wouldn't have done that. It's kind of a regret. All right. So moving on, My mom's giving me the big thumbs down. So this was from our, One of our first episodes we did actually recorded this here at the cabin last year. This is from beach boys, Pet sounds. And this is one where we actually got an advertisement, Resort up in Northern Minnesota. And so he asked if we could do an advertisement in the middle of it. And he asked each one of us to kind of riff something in the middle of it. And so this is, This, This one is titled, Wife swap. And it's just a joke. Okay. It's not, I don't actually want a wife swap. It seems like a lot of work. All right. So here we go. Beck did it better. This is, This reminds me more of beach boys.

[25:00]I'm used to though. You know, I agree. Go to the beach in my hot rod. Yeah. Now this is not the beach boys. I'm used to either. None of these songs on this album. Is there one song about the beach? No, It's, It's false advertising, Right? And really in the pandemic world, A lot of us are missing trips to the beach. Oh, But for those of you who are listening, Who are living in the Midwest and don't want to take a flight to the coast to See Aaron out in Oakland, You still need that beach time. But Russ, What can we do about that? There, There can't be anywhere we can go where we could find a beach that we could Relax on. There is actually Rob. It's great. You asked that. I want to recommend that you take your family trip to Cole's resort on big Turtle Lake in Bemidji, Minnesota. Cole's resort is one of Minnesota's historic resorts and has been providing Families with the chance to make a lifetime of memories. Since the 1960s goals resort has 20 cabins.

[26:00]And guess what, Rob, They have air conditioning and every single one of them. That's big. Now, What are some of your guys' favorite things to do at the beach? Aaron, When you go to the beach, What do you love to do? I love to paddleboard. You know what, Aaron, If you were to go to Cole's, You don't even have to pack your paddleboard. They have free paddleboards for you to use up there at the beach. Matt, What do you like to do at the beach? Well, You know, I'm not really a sand guy. I really like to kind of hang out on like a pontoon or a boat and just Get out on the water. Matt, Matt Cole's resort up at Bemidji, Minnesota has boats and pontoons for your rental. All sorts for you. You don't even need them. You don't even need to hook up your trailer. You just go up there and they'll help you out. Rob, What do you love to do at the beach? I like to wife swap. And just this week only, If you're at Cole's resort and you say you're there for the wife swap, They'll give you 30% off. That's 30% off. Go up to the desk and say, I'm here for the wife swap. Rob, I also know that you love to be outside at the beach. But you don't want to get sunburned for, For those of you who sunburn easily,

[27:00]They've got an indoor pool. And for those of you who can't stand your kids and need to get away for a Few hours, You can stop in at liar's lounge bar and restaurant for a drink. So when you get done listening to this album, You need some beach time and you need to get away from that wife swap, Which you can't handle the second one either. Resort your cabinet, Cole's resort, In Bemidji, Minnesota. That's K O H L S resort. And tell the owners that Beck did it better. I'm sure. I'm sure the owners will be thrilled with the wife swap portion of this Advertisement. Beck did it better. And I'm here for the wife swap. If they have somebody come up to them and say wife swap and they want a Discount, We officially have the most successful podcast of all time. My life goal. I don't care if my kids, My kids start smoking meth and never go to college. If somebody goes to Cole's resort and goes up to the thing and says,

[28:00]I'm here for the wife swap, I will feel like my life has been worth it. Everything I've done has been leading up to that moment. Can you imagine Russ is scooping ice cream and drinking a hundred beers or Whatever you did the other week and when you're up there and somebody comes In and goes, I'm here for the wife swap and Russ just immediately like Texas knows. I'm sure the owner would have no problem clicking on a button on a Laptop of his and saying, Oh, We'll definitely give you that 12% discount for the wife. Yeah. Oh, That's cabin nine. All right. I just wasn't made for these times. Touchy feely Brian Wilson. I do love the song though. And it's not, It doesn't seem like it's that popular on the Amazon streaming. Aaron and Matt, One thing you guys were talking about earlier is how like this is kind of More cutting open a vein or getting personal than maybe a Beatles album. And I think you're right. If you're looking, It's like, He's just looking for a band. He's looking for a place to fit in. He's looking for where he belongs. Right. And aren't we all kind of looking for that to some extent?

[29:00]Yeah. And I don't think, I think the Beatles probably wrote about that, But not so directly the way Brian Wilson was willing to say, Like, Sometimes I feel very sad, Which like is the literal most human emotion you could like communicate. And the Beatles were, I was like, Talk the way around it. But Brian was like, I'm just going to say it. Can you imagine a band like kiss or like Motley Crue writing a song like This where they're like, Sometimes I get sad. I don't know what to do. I would like to hear Motley Crue cover it. I'd love to hear Motley Crue cover this. So good. All right. We should talk about Motley Crue in one of these episodes. All right. Next one. Pet sounds. Is this the worst title track of any album in the top 10? Forever. Hello. This sounds like one of those, Like surf music instrumental, Right? It is an instrumental. This, This was the one I talked about earlier where there are 20, 22 instruments, 52 musicians on this song. Wow. Oh,

[30:00]Well, I don't even know 52 people that would want to talk to me, Let alone that would play instruments in a small room with me. You could hire them. We haven't released this podcast yet. You could hire 52 people. Do you think that we definitely can once we get that, Once we get that sponsorship money? Oh my God. Resort up in Bemidji, Minnesota. We'll be paying out so much in discounts though. Right. God dang wife swap. Russ, Everybody's up here swapping wives. I'm broke. Cabin one, Cabin four, Cabin five, Cabin 12, The upper level of the big cabin. Oh my God. The big cabin. That's just constant wife swapping. I'm not making any money. I put cabin five with cabin seven. Turns out they're actually married. Oh, They're mad at me too. The people were on the canoe. The people that using the kayaks are all swapping. I'm not making any money. So it was the concept of wife swap. Is that funny to you? Oh, I think it is kind of at a resort in Minnesota. This is tough sitting here and listening to this to you and then having people watch.

[31:00]This is tough to do. Forgot about the whole keys in the dish kind of thing. Okay. No, This is gone from funny to not funny. That was the seventies. No, We're not doing that. Okay. So moving on, This is flipped around and now I don't want to be here anymore. All right, We're going to do. So I, What I did with that is that I then turned that into a song. This is by an artist called Kanye West. Have you ever heard of Kanye West? Sure. Because he's related. He's related to Kim. Otherwise I wouldn't have. Yes. He was married to Kim Kardashian for a bit. So I, They, He had a song called all of these lights on his dark. This is off the, The episode that was dark twisted fantasy. And so this was the very first parody song I ever did after that thriller. The thriller was kind of a halfway. So I don't think, And I, And I did one about Russ selling knives. Cause he had a job selling knives. Did you ever know anybody that did that where they did the cut code knives? Definitely Matt, Your brother-in-law. Oh, Did he? Yeah. Was he, Suzanne, Was he good at it? Yeah, I bet he, No, He wasn't very good at it. He handed it to him with like, He was holding the knife part and they had the handle.

[32:00]He's like, Ah, My hand. Or he hands it to him with an, They have the blade part and they cut their hands. That's the funnier part. I'm going to edit that. So it sounds funny, Mom. Don't worry. That's what I do with this podcast. But I did one called all of these knives. And so this is, This is a, A one I did about wife swapping called all of these wives at it. What's up everybody. Welcome to K Rob K R O B. This next song is a hit song about when yours, Truly went on a cruise and it turned out there was a buffet and some wife Swapping action. Oh yeah. Here it is. All of them. Wives. I'm on a cruise. I'm with my spouse. Feel so good to get out the house. We meet some folks. We think they're nice. We're hanging out.

[33:00]I talk with the wife. Go back my room. Phone starts ringing. The folks are calling. Turns out big on swinging. Go to their room. His name is John. Lots of couples there. It turns out the swap is on. My wife, Your wife, His wife, That wife. What a life. I'm disappointed. All of the wives. That life, Your wife, My wife, My wife, His wife. I'm disappointed. Yeah. All of the wives. So what basically happens that we get a joke that we think is funny and then we do it. My wife is happy, But the rest of them cry. When you want to hear about it. So that was the Kanye West wife swap one. So now that's kind of, That's kind of Russ's section. I want to get to talking about Aaron. Okay. So Aaron is, He lives out in California. He was a vocal performance major and he's really, Really into music. He's like the one guy who actually knows a lot about music. Like if you asked him who his favorite jazz drummer is, He'd have like five different answers for you. And he often talks about very boring things,

[34:00]But he also talks about things that are insane. He just says crazy things because he thinks that they're interesting. He lives in a very small house out in California. And so at some point I told him that I made the joke that he was really into People's feet, Like a foot fetish. You know what I'm talking about? I know what you're talking about, But I don't want to. Okay. So yeah. So I made the joke that he was really into feet, He's not at all. But when that happens and it turns out that it's funny, Then we do it over and over. So here's a song I made on the Aretha Franklin episode, Which by the way, If you haven't heard that album, It's a great album. This is, This is, It's, It spells out P I C's of F W T's. And now here to sing America, The beautiful, The queen of soul. It's Aretha Franklin. This podcast is free.

[35:00]It don't cost no money. And Aaron laughs at things that are funny. After Aaron says, Can you guys text to me? Yeah, Baby. Text to me. Pictures to my phone. Just a little bit. Oh baby. Just a little bit. He wants P I C's of F W T's. He needs to see those pictures, Please. P I C's of F W T's. Dirty feet of your wifey's, Please. Just some feet. For Aaron's phone. Just a little bit. Just some feet. Just a little bit. For Aaron's phone. Just a little bit. So he can beat. Just a little bit. His little bone. Just a little bit. No, Russ, I don't, I don't like that you wrote that. When you want to hear about the greatest album so then I wanted to so one thing Aaron loves more than anything else is that

[36:00]Aaron has a job. I don't know what he does exactly. He's explained to me a number of times I have no idea but he almost never is at work like he thinks a full day of work was like four hours But he's got that kind of California lifestyle that I think we're so jealous of if you ever want have you ever thought about living in California? Do you think you could do that? I would love it Really? Yes all that driving around Well, I don't know. I think I'd bike. Oh my god So it's so active of you mom So he lives out in Oakland and he lives in a very small house and he does some job I don't know what it is but basically every week. He's like, yeah, I work two hours today And then I went hiking for ten hours or whatever like I think he has a very good work life balance Yes, well, that's not even a balance. That's an imbalance the other direction. Well, he's he's mastered He's kind of this he's kind of the generation does do this you know He's gonna talk about a hike in this now you used to take us hiking all the time growing up What was that like hiking with three kids? I've tried hiking with my two girls. It's an absolute nightmare

[37:00]How do you go hiking with three kids because I remember every single Christmas picture? We've ever had from us hiking is all of us frowning. Mm- That is there was a lot of complaining But on the whole then finally I discovered the ranger program and I sent you out with the Rangers and As much as you didn't want to do stuff for me you love being with those hiking Rangers That's always true. Isn't it if you have kids if you want to do it They're like, no, absolutely not but if you have somebody else teach them how to do it, right? I had to do that with Amelia skiing where I was like, well, I can ski I can take Amelia skiing and teach her how Absolute nightmare, but as soon as I took her to a private lesson she loved it And you know why you know what the instructor had the whole time popsicles. Oh my god skiing. They're so cold No, she had peanut M&Ms. Oh about every five seconds She would reach up and like stuff went into her mouth and say oh, you're doing a great job snow plowing and stuff like that Genius yeah genius teacher. So Aaron is here. He's gonna talk about hiking And going on a trip if you were going hiking mom, what kind of food did you pack like if you're just going on a day hike? Oh Maybe a sandwich a

[38:00]Little dried bars. Yeah, I think that sounds like a normal thing. Let's see what Aaron brought on his hike By the way, I want to say this right we're talking about rolling stone But when we ask them what they're doing we say rolling going. Do you think that's whoever came up with that? Do you think that's clever? Yeah, okay. I came up with that. All right. Here we go Rolling going Aaron. How's it going with you? It's going great. It's it was a beautiful day today. I took the day off to go hiking with my lady So I spent the day in the forest But what I want to talk about a euphemism. What'd you guys do in the forest? What does that mean? We went hiking in the forest Stand above board Anyway, did you wear boots? Did you bring your walking stick what I'm talking about Don't leave them. Did you guys that did you pack a picnic lunch? She's turning the knee in one of our stainless steel

[39:00]Containers, I mean if you ask me about food, it's gonna happen stainless steel. It was hard. What did you eat? It was wrong. Okay. No, wait a minute. Wait a minute. We gotta we do have to follow because I'm gonna kick myself There was occasion where I'm editing the podcast and I will listen to something Rosie says and I realized I didn't step Into make fun of them and I have never not regretted that moment So I do have to say this you went hiking and you did pack a lunch correct and the lunch you packed this cheese tortellini So how did you what did you just eat cold tortellini as you were hiking or what's going on here? I don't understand No, we sat down. It was so We it was easy because we could Cook a bunch of tortellini this morning put some of it in my son's lunch for school pack the rest of it an hour lunch Throw some cheese on there. No wait stop stop your son Like your three-year-old son brings tortellini as his school lunch. Yeah, he loves it

[40:00]Matt how often didn't there's no way like Matt showed up when he was a five-year-old We didn't have peanut butter and jelly and had cheese It is no no there's no way other kids have cheese tortellini at lunch. There's always there's always one of those kids Eddie always comes home from his preschool and was like Charlie had soup today His parents said like a thermos along with them like oh man, that's that's aggressive So I do send a thermos with the girls to lunch because they want hot pasta. What am I supposed to do? I have to do what they want, right? Right. Did you now? I remember having hot lunch all the time growing up which I didn't mind I love the hot lunch is there I had like the Italian dunkers and stuff like that. Did you ever pack lunches because we're constantly packing lunches for the girls? Did I ever pack lunch? Maybe not for you, but your sisters did not go for the hot lunches You were easy because they had french fries. You could spill the ketchup all over your shirt But the girls had a little more a high-class approach to it. Yeah, that sounds

[41:00]That sounds about right that they would get everything and I would have to go to school Walk uphill both ways. Oh, yeah, it was a real struggle. Yeah, exactly I do I was did I ever tell you I ran into miss right when I was teaching at Rochester? No, and I was she was teaching and she said oh, yeah I remember one time I duck taped you into your chair because you wouldn't stop getting up and walking around I was like in fifth grade Sometimes I think about that when I have a student so I'm like this student doesn't stop talking and all he wants is attention I just think of you and I'm like, oh, yeah, that's remember we'd go to conferences Because I say this sometimes at conferences do I say well your child is very social? Yeah What does that mean? That means you fool around a lot. Well maybe I'm working to become a famous podcaster Right, so that so Aaron loves to talk about what he eats And so I put all those clips into a song and for the carol king episode for her tapestry album Oh, I love that instead of Instead of How does it are Sometimes I feel like a natural woman. I did what's Aaron's meal

[42:00]Got it. So this is some clips mixed in I got the big sir milk What I'm gonna say Which is a grilled cheese that has shrimp in it on this evening's Tuesday of this week I cooked a nine pound brisket. I've been thinking about it All day We ate black eyed peas and collard greens. That was good. I better think of Something real fast Cheese turkey and one of our stainless steel. Yeah, then I think about the stories And rolling goons from Aaron And I realize I can do just like him and do the absolute bare minimum Like what's Like what's Me

[43:00]But we made a big switch about two weeks ago. We switched from Veggie sausage to veggie ham So those are the kind of things like every week we are supposed to bring one story and it's supposed to inspire a conversation Right. All of those were Aaron's stories About a grilled cheese and shrimp sandwich Now earlier Aaron referred to his wife as his lady. What do you think about that? That's okay That's okay. Okay. Well, that blows my mind although. I think it's quite close to the expression The wife. That's that's you don't like it when it's just The wife is a little The meaning yeah, you don't ever hear people say the husband, but lady. I can live with it lady. Okay. That's that's good to know All right. So now here's one that I wish I wouldn't have picked for this. This is when now Aaron Aaron's Brother called in so we also have I've set up a voicemail line for the show

[44:00]I set up a google voice number people can call 802 277 beck And they can call into the podcast and tell us what they think and we're just getting flooded with calls and texts all the time It's crazy. How do we get it's it's absolutely crazy. This is a story about how Aaron was allergic To a certain What is anis? Is it an herb or is it a anis is a Is it a herb or a spice? I'm not sure it's a licorice tasting. Oh, it's terrible What's the main food that anis is in Because he licorice shine. He's making pho in this like the vietnamese soup Oh, but I don't know what it I don't know what it's normally in it because I I avoid it all cause That's higher level than I go. Yeah Well, that's like when jenny wants snacks around the house that nobody's going to eat She buys black jelly beans Because she knows that none of us are gonna eat it. Do you like black jelly beans? Do you like black licorice? No, no, no, you can't stand it. No, it's disgusting. You're right. So this is a joke. I The joke here is is embarrassing. I'm just gonna say that right now and it's not me

[45:00]I can live with it. I just won't look your way. Okay. So this is from our amy wine house back to black episode Listen, let's get right to our voicemail kiss my ass Dumb shit listeners. They can't even tell what we're doing. Oh, no, they're back They're back. They're just the dumbest of the dumb Hey gentlemen, this is a close personal relative of erin's I felt compelled to call in I was texting erin Yesterday trying to identify one of the ingredients in the vietnamese noodle soup Fuh, he identified the ingredient as anus. Actually star anus and then he proceeded to tell me that He's allergic to anus, which Oh Which means you're allergic to anus So just wanted to let you guys know that erin did tell me that his face gets all red Is he and watching anytime he eats anus? Get a shave beforehand, erin

[46:00]Watch out for pink I do So while the rest of us are out enjoying anus eating season not worrying about it You know erin actually cannot eat anus and so Erin's ruling going is completely what the fucker is right now The pregnant pauses are great. I've never heard robbie this silent of the podcast. There's no way we've ever got 18 seconds without rob I've got to admit I laughed about this for about 10 minutes when I heard it the first time So it's kind of not funny to me anymore. I and in fact, I don't think there is an anus eating season like I also don't enjoy anus erin. I'm not allergic to it. I don't like it But I've always thought maybe I just tried the wrong anus Because it always to me that anus always tastes like black licorice and I'm wondering if maybe it's prepared a different way Maybe I'd like anus more. I don't know. Let's keep listening. Oh, I just thought that it was good information So you guys to have love the podcast You know, we're happy to be able to call in and let you know that erin is unable to eat anus

[47:00]Due to an allergy, which flares up when he eats anus. Thanks for everything guys You really need to get that checked out, erin The the truth of the matter is I he's The caller is trying to set me up for this What but I'm just gonna go with it Eating anus. I can eat anus. I can't cook it The thing that happened is that we tried cooking food at home. Yeah, and when no kink shaming Rule number one, that's true. We did have a written agreement. There would be no kink shaming on this podcast In my relationship in my marriage, we tried an anus too and it did turn out that the cook was too big So I don't know maybe you need to add some more. I don't know Olive oil or something maybe that would help Is that a possibility

[48:00]Yeah, the truth is a matter is that erin it could have been something you were eating with the anus Yeah, the anus that gave you the reaction latex or something. I'm not yeah I have I it's been a while now since I tried But again, it was more that in cooking it My face turned all red and blotchy and I even had to Douse my face in milk to try to fix it side note. My son thinks this is a hilarious Story Yeah, I really think that's funny That's that's good. You know, he's one of our top listeners actually he I think he might have said in that voicemail actually I cut out that part of the beginning where he said I'm actually erin son And again, I cannot remember the name of your kid. So that's not going to affect The joke at all But so so shut up for a second. First of all, that is very funny. That voicemail is very good Second of all, I'm not letting you just go by by saying you doused your face in milk And then I'm not going to talk about that. So what exactly do you mean you doused your face in milk? Did you pour milk on your face or did you make a bowl full of milk and then put your face into it or what?

[49:00]Yeah, I think I made a bowl full and dunked it. So yeah, we try now. Why did you do that? That's a very dumb thing to do. Why'd you do that? Because my face felt terrible. We tried to make pho at home I don't which I don't recommend like just go out to eat pho. Don't try to make it at home No, I and I love to be honest. I love pho You know what I mean? Like I think it's so good. It's delicious You probably don't need to go out to have the anus though. Do you could probably stay at home for that? And sometimes if it's it's not very good at home You gotta get out. Yeah. Well, erin doesn't like erin doesn't like the pho at home So he gets to fall out about that's where he finds. He doesn't like he can't eat anus Something about The fumes cooking it in the air made my face all like I was I didn't know what the fuck I had I was trying to figure out how to cool the burning sensation on my face So this is maybe so you're this anus is spicy is what you're yeah, very spicy. Yeah Would you say you had some hot anus action?

[50:00]Next time you better stick with that cheese tortellini on those hikes. Yeah, that would have been a better Yeah, better move. Yeah, that would have been a much better move. You have like a visceral reaction every time you see some anus This is like a problem when you're out in public I think you should add some anus to those cheese tortellini hikes. I mean make spice it up a little bit Variety is the spice of life. I do you know all these very dumb jokes aside, which I saw coming at it from about noon today And by the way, that's the best voicemail we've ever gotten. Sorry all of man's friends. Although I would like to actually I would if one of man's friends could actually call in and do that same call But with the accent, I think it would be very the Duluth Yeah, like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah Just so that you know, Erin can't eat anus. He gets all It's all red and blotchy. Yeah But I do have to say like I like the idea that you think that your rashy face is like Eating too much salsa and you have to eat milk to let you have to pour milk

[51:00]Do you just pour milk over anything that like hurts or what? I mean, I was at a loss, man I didn't know it was I didn't know what to do. We didn't have anything else in the house Like in all reality like water doesn't work on spices If I give you like you eat wings that are too hot stuff. You don't drink water. You drink milk Right. So is that what we were thinking? Yeah, if I get a bug bite and it hurts really bad I pour milk all over it like it makes total sense to me. I get it Do you guys remember that show man versus food where you would eat like the really big meals or the really hot Stuff maybe erin should have a new tv show where it's erin versus anis And it's just erin like every episode is erin eating anis in a different part of the world I like that different anis after different anis. I think that's a great idea And I you know what and I didn't even say anything about being star anis. So I'm pretty happy with that I'm pretty proud of myself It's really kudos to everyone involved. Really just thank you. I think you ever Did you ever show tonight? Did you ever Oh, I'm gonna be quiet. I don't have to tell Rob to delete it. Anyway, smooth it along Okay, so first of all, I just want to explain to everybody the setup here

[52:00]I'm recording this with my mom sitting next door at the cabin My family is on a zoom watching us listen to this which I can't imagine they don't have anything better to do But I am trying not to laugh at all my own jokes And it's really hard because some of them do make me laugh I did get a text though from a family member and they wanted to know do you get the double entendre there? In that last one of the anis. Yeah, not really No, I think it's anis. It sounds a lot like anis I guess That is passes me by even after explanation. Okay. Good. So that's great So I do want to crawl into a hole and die right now. I think that's probably That would be the never one thing I want to do. So thank you to the caller who sent in that text. I do appreciate it All right, so Suzanne. No, it could be anybody. So here's the thing is that Aaron did so that was Aaron's brother And then Aaron's brother still lives in iowa where Aaron grew up And so Aaron had to or got to I should say

[53:00]In the middle of kind of the pandemic Aaron's brother decided to go through with the wedding That was a choice that he made and so Aaron went to the wedding It was a big discussion we had about you know, whether you go to the wedding He's got a child at home and the child's in a pod for school So they want to make sure it was as safe as possible. So Aaron's solution was to go to the wedding And then when he came home, he was going to quarantine But the house is so small that guess where he had to quarantine the bathroom No, that's a great guess though But he actually had to quarantine the same place he records which is his garage Got it. So he had to sleep in a tent in the garage for one week Okay, now there is a garage sleeping story with you Oh, yes. What was that story with the sleeping in the garage? Well, it was not my fault. I refuse to tell the story You know what as a parent, I don't think it was a bad decision. I would be upset too Robert did something that annoyed me so much. He said he turned in a paper promised me he turned it in And all of a sudden at about three in the morning, I opened up his backpack and there it was

[54:00]So step one three in the morning question really annoyed with him. Well, it was maybe 11 o'clock And really annoyed and so I was so mad at him That I put him out in the garage and closed the door and turned the light off And what month was this in minnesota? Yeah, maybe November No, like december And you know what my punishment is for that forever and ever Calling human services. No, I'm now a seventh grade science teacher. You know what students tell me all the time Their parents lock them in the garage No, nobody's actually ever said that to me But they say all the time they say, oh, yeah, I turned that in you must have lost it So they switch it around on me and you know what I think when they say that for a millisecond Maybe I did lose it. You think for a millisecond. Do you have a garage? It's in my bag But see I I do think part of the problem was I did have a diaper bag for a Backback and I would just stuff everything in the folder. That's just bullshit. No, there is no We have to beat that out

[55:00]So here's the thing is that now what I do you would be so impressed with how hard I've worked on my organization from that So I've actually learned something and now you do you know how much stuff I've ever lost? Zero of students and I'm very proud of that fact because that is once your teacher loses stuff You get that reputation forever And so I think that sleeping in that garage taught me a great lesson, but this isn't about me Okay, this podcast is not about but it's about the shared community with the guys So this is Aaron sleeping talking to us about having to sleep in a tent in his garage Now the funny part is is that he doesn't have a garage that can close from the inside So his wife has to close him in Okay And no swapping No, okay. No, don't please don't say swapping to me. I did that. I really don't like the other thing is Oh, there's a joke here that one time. I was talking to Aaron about Heating something up the microwave and he says he doesn't own a microwave Wow But that's just who Aaron is. Are you kind of getting a good idea of who we're in this right now I understand the type of person he is. Yeah, exactly. So this is the Aaron in the tent. He's california

[56:00]He's very he's he's straight. Iowa to california. He's very california. So let's check this out Aaron in the tent from our purple rain episode one of our best by the way Nice work. Go on rosie. How's it going? It's it's rolling. It's rolling going, Good It's going differently than it's I I'm coming to you live from my podcast studio, which is such a flow going also my house. I'm living in the garage This week I had the honor mr. Rat there with you or not. Yeah. Yeah, so that's a funny story. I can hear the rats at night Yep, I hear them scrambling around in the nighttime. I'm on a trim that I've been on sunday night. It was He's a hellacious windstorm so I couldn't hear the rats but last night. I heard him pretty well Yes, I'd travel. I had the honor of traveling to iowa for one of our Our best listeners Wedding and that was a wonderful time. So my family, but I did see I left my usual bubble

[57:00]So I'm quarantining in the garage And I think the most interesting part about that is that my garage, I mean as you guys can imagine I don't live in like a Typical house So our garage does not have an automatic door. It has a manual door that slides and only closes with a padlock So, my wife locks me in the garage I would never trust my wife to lock me in a garage and then later come let me out Do you like tell a friend how to get you out just a case or oh my god, I go out the window So I Our backyard is locked and like there's a gate to our backyard that's locked So then I I hop out the window so like when I have to go to the bathroom at night I just hop out the window and oh It's like the reverse of that beetle song That rat's looking at you like what the hell are you doing instead of coming in the bathroom window?

[58:00]You're going out the window to go to the bathroom. It's a whole switcher room It's I know but I will say it's been it's been an opposite day Yeah, so I'm here at least until friday when I get a covid test that hopefully comes back negative and then I'll be back Of course sunday if your wife decides to give you a little more punishment you sick freak Aaron the real question is is how many microwaves do you have hit out there and how many bags of microwave pop corner? I mean I would have those things rolling right now No, he puts the microwave. He puts it right into a thing of plastic and microwaves that and he's like Yeah, I could do what I want out here. It's a man cave I Could just picture his wife. Just oh no pulling that door down and just Locking that lock and just walking away with the biggest cheesing grin He's fucking gone all night Freeze free at last So do you have like an early does you have to lock you in at like 6 p.m. Or how loud you have to be in there for? I mean she usually locks me in about nine tonight She'll like me in early because I wasn't here doing the podcast

[59:00]But it seems like a bad episode of that desperate house wise show And then I have a tent set up in here because so the rats don't get into the tent and then I got the air mattress in the tent Last night I listened to a podcast while I was going to sleep Michelle and dega ochello on heat rocks talking about purple rain. So that was wonderful And yeah, it's you know, it's we're we're living I got a lot of snacks out here. It's pretty good Yeah, okay, shut up. We're still talking about you being locked in the garage And then you're talking about how this is just like a normal Okay, so this so then what I asked erin to do is that he was in the garage for a week So he was going to be kind of bored, right? So I asked him to make an audio diary of his time in the garage Okay, so here's an audio diary I do I want to tell you I did get to see the window He had to leave to go to the bathroom and it was above his waist level So you can imagine him kind of going like head first and then having to twist around I did just recently get a text from an audience member Would you ever let dad lock you in the garage?

[1:00:00]I don't think so That would be you wouldn't trust him. Well, I would be a little worried about the return That's what I was thinking too. It doesn't seem safe at all. All right So let's do the tent diary and I'm just going to warn you right now. The word erection comes up a lot. Okay, so I I can live with it. Oh That's that's the answer. I didn't want to hear. Okay, so let's go Speaking of that, let's get into my rolling going for today All I want to talk about is erin in the garage. So erin is Erin has my rolling going is erin's in the garage So I had you know, I had so much cool stuff going on in my life, but nothing this is all I talked about I've talked about this with my wife for like hours and hours. She doesn't want to hear about it anymore I just tell her the story's over and over So erin went to a wedding So he is now quarantining himself for a week out in his garage We talked about on the last episode if you haven't heard it go pause rewind it He has to go out and go to the bathroom at night outside Out a window that is above his waist. It's true He sleeps on an air mattress in a tent and it turns out there are quite a few rats in the garage with him. So

[1:01:00]But his wife locks him in every night and he has to be locked in from outside So yes, his wife does lock him erin actually sent a video matt rob I don't know if you saw this his wife sent the video tonight of them walking out there And I think he had a bottle of wine or something But yeah, she's like literally going through this like speech about now She's gonna lock the door and lock him in there. It it felt very green mileage tonight I was distracted by the video I was distracted by the video because erin when she was like it's time to lock you in the garage erin had a rock hard erection I don't think that's the point of this like Sit But anyway after the last recording. I I basically forced erin to make a audio diary Of his and I have gone through and I have listened to them. I would probably a hundred times I'm giving you more enjoyment than the last And I put together a highlight clip of erin outside So let's listen as erin slowly loses his mind. So we started when we started on tuesday. Well, he'll he'll describe it

[1:02:00]All right, this is trapped in the tent. I guess It's nobody's there with you. Why are you so quiet? Yeah, I just want to wake up the rest right recording an episode of back day Zipped myself into my tent here I'm gonna read a couple chapters from herbie murr commie's hard bull one on the end of the world It's not just for the podcast. He's like this in real life wake up before about six tomorrow morning So that's it for now. I realized erin just talked about some weird book that no one's ever heard of so Whether he's on the podcast or just like rambling to himself. No guys. Yes, we don't we don't have time for this We have 14 of these to get through here to go watch this Oh, by the way, I am I'm gonna say this I'm gonna play all these in a row at the end of the podcast At the end of the podcast, we're gonna play all these in the row So if you want to hear all these in a row in here, erin slowly loses mind listen to the end of the podcast It's great. So here we go. Got a couple more here. I picked the highlight. It's trapped in a tent volume two That's seven a.m. Yeah, why you whisper asleep?

[1:03:00]This is wednesday morning is what I was gonna yell it up. Keep it down. I'll wake up in the morning I think one trip into the yard to Use the facilities 12 20. Yeah, I heard some critter action in the garage Aaron has two concerns in the garage made it to going to the bathroom and critter Did I hear that right? Does erin have a white noise machine in his garage? Yeah. Oh, I'm sure you have a white noise I used the white noise app on the phone. I used the white noise app on his phone All right, moving on. I'll jump into number six in volume six. It's almost 7 p.m I've been out and about to her neighborhood with my mask on My son rode his scooter. So I got to see the light of day a bit This is the awkward part of the night where I'm not going in the house to put wireless to bed So my wife is entirely on that duty, by herself He took a nap today at school. So that means bedtime. That's the worst. That's bad

[1:04:00]And I'm gonna sit awkwardly on the porch Until she can come out and drink a beer with me and hope it doesn't last too long Bedtime that is And I'll report back when it's time to lock me in my cave If if this ends with erin, it sounded like you had an erection there If this ends with erin doing the I'm so scared from the Blair witch project We gotta turn this off. I can't let parents cry. Here we go. Now. We have one. I just wrote critters next to it All right This is volume seven. This is a wrap for wednesday It's a 10 p.m. This is one day. He's done seven. I do have an air mattress in that tent. It's pretty luxurious in there So i'm gonna hop in there took myself in I had a little nightcap on the porch with my lady, drank a Mr. October what we shared splitsies not from the same can Of course not Mr. October a double aca from And house brewing that's the most erin statement is where he's got to go into it

[1:05:00]Watch this and yeah, I think I'm gonna call it a night. I heard some Critter activity happening Seven when I was out here fooling some laundry The t should say critter activity or critter action And then I'll probably hear them when they come home around 5 30 in the morning I'm pretty sure heard some coyotes outside too. Oh, no far away, but I guess that's probably gonna drive the rat inside Anyway, hope you didn't have to sleep and catch up with everybody in the morning. All right next one I'll edit these a little bit. We'll see volume 9 3 37 p.m. On thursday Made a quick trip inside to pick up some tools for rations my weekly chicken You make the chicken the buckets too. I was laughing to herself turns out she was listening to beck did it better. Yeah I think she mostly liked the emerson parts though. Oh, what the hell Never have him on again. All right make her live in the garage for a while All right, so now at this point erin ran into a little problem because his wife went to bed early

[1:06:00]So how is erin gonna solve this problem? But he's one kink of getting locked into the Garage by the wife isn't gonna happen. Let's see Trapped in a tent volume 10 sad story tonight everyone. I had to lock myself in the garage You're by myself I had to do some shenanigans to lock the garage Climb out the window go back in the house get my stuff come back out lock up some stuff in the house So lock myself in tonight But i'm settling in to do a little bit of reading maybe listen to some music Try to get some sleep. I heard the rat saying good night about 15 minutes ago If I heard a rat I could not just say the most time for me to go to sleep That would not be hope everybody else has a great night. All right last one And this is the one. I just marked losing his mind. So now we have gone from Tuesday To saturday. So this was saturday night. This is a lot of work the full catcher tent lucky number 13

[1:07:00]I realized this morning that Blood on the tracks is great breakfast making use these losses by it's the best morning album we've heard yet I also had a Distressing conversation yesterday Where my wife noticed that the spot I've been using for the bathroom in the yard is starting to smell real bad And it turns out I should have been spreading it around the yard Going to push it could have been a critter it could have been a critter to the yard Yeah, I just go in the middle of the yard you find a bush. My wife is going okay. I took my COVID test yesterday I'll make it those results back soon And maybe move back in the house. Nope hoping I test unreliable As much as I care about erin's health I don't know if I've ever wished for a positive COVID test more my life because like three more weeks of this would be fantastic We would record every day. I would make erin continue with this diary I might make erin continue with diary even if he moves back in I get such a kick out

[1:08:00]I was listening to this in front of my family and they're like, what the hell are you listening to? I was like, I don't have time to explain Here's audio diary So mom that was erin being trapped in the garage Now if you notice a lot of the times when I'm telling jokes on the podcast you're hearing me laugh in real life Is that something I've always done growing up laugh at my own jokes? Definitely But how can you not some of them are I remember once you said to me Not everything is a joke It is true. I probably I said what I said I still think that's one of the funniest things of all time and you know what I recently found myself saying about one of my kids Everything is not a joke. Yeah. I said, oh, they're just make jokes and they're trying to figure out What's funny and what's not but you know, sometimes they push it too far and then I thought I just had a flashback to myself I was like, uh- That's all parenting is though. It seems like over and over Right, so we're getting out of the erin segment as much as I love erin We're getting out of the erin segment So I have made a song making fun of erin where I've collected all the silly things that erin has said over the podcast Okay, this is from the velvet underground episode where we did a velvet underground and this is waiting for the man

[1:09:00]This is waiting for erin Do you remember when I used to do little radio shows on my tapes and stuff? Yes, I do you were good and then I would listen to them and laugh right at my jokes Yeah, I mean it's the same exact thing as a podcast I was trying to tell the guys about that and they I once did one about what my dreams were and it was to be a radio show guy And it made me really sad when I listened to it But the oh, thank you, but the idea of being in radio now would be tough, wouldn't it? It would be but you wanted to you were so dedicated to the idea I was and you know what happened to me is I was working at that place Remember I'd going at five in the morning dad would drive me in yeah dad would drive me in And one time they turned to me because I would pull news clips for me one time They turned to me and said oh, do you want to be in the air and I know something and you know what I said no No, no, I was too scared. Isn't that terrible. Just pathetic Well, I didn't say pathetic But the thing is is that from then on I've always said well I'm going to say yes to things like I'm going to just try to do things That's why I've wrested a professional wrestling match I've gotten to do when I think that's it. That's like the top of my cool thing

[1:10:00]But I think don't you think saying yes to things is important you get very important You get new experiences even if you're nervous to do it, right? It's extending your experiences I do think being a teacher has helped that because it's like how much more embarrassing Can you get than being a middle school teacher? Oh, that's true, right? Unless my name is like mr. Glasscock or something That got a laugh out of my all right, so this is the making fun of erin song If you can't be with the one you love, you might as well do some of their love I'm making fun of erin Have you ever taken your camping crunch and heated it up in the microwave before you eat it? I can't wait for him to say something random I don't own a microwave He'll start talking I roll my eyes Then I say something nasty to impress the guy's

[1:11:00]Yeah, I'm making fun of erin What do you think is the greatest song ever about being happy? So I came up with a list I think it's great I'm also pretty certain courage flow just had a hard transplant Man don't get me started about the dew point. I've really Bring it up for the next 10 episodes I'll be making fun of erin Actually more instruments than you can fit in a basement Wait that was even supposed to be funny So mom you've listened to some of the podcasts now and obviously the songs are kind of a little bit different Because we have to talk over each other Do you have any advice on how we could make the podcast better before we get into the section about man? I don't know. I think that it's quite really I'm very impressed and I like your parody songs a lot

[1:12:00]I think maybe you really missed your calling in life on that one weird Rob. Yeah, weird Rob Like well, I remember we used to you. We're always a big fan of I've given you I've given you two real compliments on the show Number one actually the one big compliment. I've always given you that wherever you went You would always buy me a CD of music remember when you came back from New Orleans and you got me that zydeco CD I love that you got me the Bobby McFerrin hush CD that got me into I know a lot of I know more about classical music than some of these idiots out there And then I you also got me a Calypso song when we were a CD and I love those things But I think the other thing what were we talking about? So you think that the parody songs are I'm pretty good at the parody songs But what would I do with that? I mean who would want to listen to a parody song about three of my friends from college Well, I don't know parody songs are always hits. I think I can tell you the answer is about 130 people a week Max want to listen to that and I think a lot of those are just fake downloads I say, okay, but I'm assuming after this you're going to share this all your friends is going to take off

[1:13:00]So this is really a pyramid scheme having you on maybe what I would like would be a little more Discussion of the music because I'm so musically challenged. Yeah Well, you sound like a lot of people that listen to the podcast. They have the same complaint I need to hear more music and know more about the albums and maybe a little more facts in there about the albums because I'm just you know, I have a tin ear. You would go along well with russell Okay, who wants confused the doors and the ramones. Yeah, well that is a big confusion He also can he confused wilson philips and wilson picket. Yeah, that's a big confusion too. That's it's they're not even the same sex Even for me that's Kind of pitiful. Yeah, he's kind of an idiot. You're right So let me play you so now we're on to matt now Matt really only he doesn't he barely talks on the podcast if you notice and even less lately I think he's been kind of jammed out but it turns out that matt It turns out we we found out via voicemail matt does not fold his own laundry Does do you? Excuse me. Yeah, excuse me. Yeah, I fold my own laundry. What kind of question is that? Absolutely. I fold my own laundry

[1:14:00]Okay, but do you know who matt has come over and fold his laundry? I'll give you one guess. I don't know his mom Now, how do you okay, so how do you feel about that? How do you feel about matt not folding his own laundry? He's 41 40 years old by the way Well, I guess if she wants to do it, that's just fine But I would refer to her as an enabler She's making him not be the full person that he could be man that he could be he's not being totally actualized Right. Well, I did actually talk to her on the phone about it. That's going to come up a little bit later So let's listen to matt talk about his laundry because he didn't want to admit that to us somebody had to call in and Tell on him. Okay. You might be shocked with who this is from Christa again, First of all, I shouldn't say I am actually really enjoying the podcast I feel like I do call in with a lot of criticism from time to time But I am enjoying it. I listen to it on my runs each week

[1:15:00]And I'm inspired to listen to different music I will say that I think you should go for it with a new updated list And if you want it to be best albums of all time, it should include Albums from all time and their old list left out several years of albums. I'm just saying that but then also I am a little confused by the chore that matt says he doesn't like to do which is folding laundry Because That just picked up because he doesn't actually have to fold the laundry and neither does his wife Wait a minute. I suggest wait a minute now And see who actually does Wait a minute now Who does the laundry rob is like twisting in his chair. He is so excited. She's got the good work. Wait a minute now I'm so excited chris. I brought this up. But rob is like physically Will you finally get her name right so good work rustle? Yeah, kirsten makes a good point

[1:16:00]Last episode I was made fun of for having somebody a friend who helps out around the house Okay, and basically the purpose of my friend is to try to make my wife less angry at me at all times, which is She's feeling spectacularly, but she's trying so matt. What is going on? This is the laundry. This is laundry 20 laundry 2020 Long mystery If If I remember right the question was what chore do you hate the most? No, no, no, that's some of the What was the question? What was the question doesn't matter? Do we have johnny cock? Is johnny cocker not back did it better today? Is this robert kardashian joining us? Yeah Is bill clinton? What depends on what the meaning of is is yeah matt. I am at your house I am watching the laundry get folded. What am I seeing? A little morey povich I don't know so this is a multi I categorically denied this

[1:17:00]Yeah, so the question was what chore do you hate the most? I hate folding laundry Nobody asked if I actually folded the laundry. What'd you do? What's the solution? What's the solution? So the solution is and we also talked about and I don't think my mom knows what podcasts are So I don't think she's gonna catch up to this unless my wife shares Why are all your shirts so wrinkly that you're wearing? I bet matt just throws away all those clothes after one use and goes about the new ones with podcast revenue Guys these paper pants are revolutionary. That's why you buy so many champion double-knit sweatshirts. He's like other folders Like the one I got on right now. Nice vikings one. There you go. 38 bucks. EBay. It's nice. All right. Let's let's wrap this up Yeah, we're very busy So two things my mom comes over watches my kids For about three hours a couple times a week. She's retired. She makes the kids do it nothing going on She comes over she folds my laundry. My mom comes over and folds my laundry. I'm 39 years old

[1:18:00]I'm a millennial my mom comes over And when I say one on one what I mean is that she's finding one sock and then another sock and put it together And meanwhile matt was yelling at her about the list god damn it mom rolly stone change the list Oh and by the way You didn't put away the shirt in the right drawer Put it in the wrong shelf So no it started out as a thing where you know, we had laundry. I was gonna fold it. She's like well I'll just fold it. I mean this is years ago now though, right? So I mean we're talking This has been going on for a very long time. So and crista knows that it's a big joke Crista from Minneapolis knows it's a ha ha crista. You got me Cristen whatever your name is Oh, no, you're calling her by the wrong name. Is that just me? Oh or whatever Or whatever. Now. This is mad. I love it. No, so my mom does it's very nice

[1:19:00]In return I get I all I asked for my birthday all I asked for Christmas. No, no, no, wait every year is nothing just Keep folding my clothes But I'm happy So thank you. So I could go I gotta I got a Thing in my right over there in that drawer in my kitchen It says one year's worth of laundry folding for my mom. So that's what we got We're you know, go ahead All these weeks of me being ripped on for not being a fully functioning adult not knowing how to pick out Properly live flowers And it turns out I can do my own laundry and let my grass grow too long and Matt can do that But he can't do his own laundry his mom I feel like I should issue a beck did a better apology For all the people who have contributed to the go fund me. I started for a laundry folding service for Matt So everybody who contributed, maybe let's take some suggestions for what else you'd want to give that money to because

[1:20:00]I started this go fund me for Matt and turns out. Yeah, I didn't need to Matt's bought four sweatshirts of the list and all he he gives to his mom is a homemade paper certificate Hey on the back side it says free back rub. I mean, this sounds like It's gold star every week I'm gonna email your mom a copy of this podcast. I think she'll love it That's weird. Thank you very much. We appreciate it. You do a great job. Thanks for everything Thank you. So there is that better. It's not but I don't know how to fold my laundry I hate folding laundry though. My mom knows it. She folds it for us. So no, I'm not I'm not going to apologize for it I'm I'm just going to eat that one and go. Well, I certainly didn't fully disclose it last time. That's That was noticeably You guys didn't you didn't say what is the chore you don't like to do? What is it? We just said what is your favorite chore mom to take care of? Yeah

[1:21:00]Yeah, so all right. It's a live by omission. Thanks kirsten for me minneapolis Well, no wait, I don't know if we're done with this yet I can I have your mom's address because I have her certificate here for two years of free laundry folding that I want to send her I think that would help All right, that's enough break it up you two that was one on one with air That's good. I don't think we've had a mom. I don't think we've had a one on one of the moms for a while Yeah, it's been a minute. It's been a minute. But hey, let's say Krista appreciates you listening Always appreciate you calling in so appreciate it all over the world. No doubt. Yeah I don't there's dumbest shit to listen to this shit. Get a life Yeah, and you know what I'm above our listeners. Oh, I'm a listener. I like to you know what we're making the content You guys are adding like two minutes a week. We're doing the heavy lifting here But please keep calling in I'm sorry. I'm gonna edit that out I

[1:22:00]Was gonna ask you if you would like to do my laundry all summer and fold it so I could see what it's like to be matt Absolutely not but I realize that somebody does fold my laundry here at the cabin So I am kind of living like man Yeah, I do I fold it all the time But you don't even know it because you leave it on the steps and by the time you take it off It's all unfolded. No, there is well. I don't know. There is one very famous laundry story about me. Do you want to tell it? Yes, well, I was taking the laundry out of the wash machine to put it in the dryer How old was I during the story? I was in college st. Olaf the usual I was a doogie. I was in equity at st. Olaf and I pick out and there's a piece of lettuce and I think oh god He's always leaving stuff in his box Delicious lettuce then I get more laundry out and there's a piece of hammer baloney in there Then I pull out more and there's a piece of bread And I think he left a ham sandwich in the pocket and I And I put it through the wash machine. That's the end of it. Okay. It's not like five dollar bill. It's a ham sandwich

[1:23:00]Well, I still remember every once in a while a cram to go through Right, send you and you know what? I was always like, why did she get so mad about that? And now I do 100 understand. Yeah. Yeah, it's a being a parent is a nightmare and being a parent of me I think would be kind of a special trip. I think it would be awesome Yeah Now matt did say during that the mom is retired. So she has less to do. Do you have any thoughts on that statement? Yeah, well this whole thing that your parents just have nothing to do because they're retired So they want to wait on you hand and foot Please you really need to rethink that one. Yeah, I I because I find people even say like, oh, you have the summers off You must have lots of time and yet. Yeah, somehow. I'm busier than ever. I put together all these clips That's what Oliver Wendell Holmes said when asked if it was easier when he retired from the scream court And he said nope life is always uphill So it's always uphill when he retired. Oliver Wendell at Holmes at home. He was still going uphill All right, so then what I did is on the album let it bleed. Have you ever heard the song?

[1:24:00]You can't always get what you want by the Rolling Stones I probably have you can't always get what you want It starts with a choir, right? So I recorded myself in 20 different parts singing as a choir Is this a dream come through a dream Suzanne's giving a big thumbs up on the zoom She likes it So this is and then I also had Matt's mom call in to give a statement about folding the laundry So we're actually going to hear from Matt's mom. We're going to have a Matt's one-on-one with Matt's mom right now All right, here we go

[1:25:00]Hi, this is Joanie Karnas I just wanted to let you know how much I love doing math Laundry and folding clothes for Matt and Sarah and leo and eddie It makes my day every time I go over there to do it. Bye Matt's mom is getting pretty tired Just wants to go to bed When Matt's clothes have run through the dryer She has to go over fold him up instead No Matt won't fold his laundry on his own

[1:26:00]No Matt won't fold his own no Matt won't fold his laundry on his own He gets on the phone What's your least favorite household chore now or or when we were growing them? What's something you absolutely despised cleaning the bathroom? I you know, I don't mind cleaning the bathroom. It doesn't you feel like something's done You know why I don't mind cleaning the bathroom. You know where I did it when I worked at Starbucks Oh, well, you want to clean the bathroom Clean Starbucks. Yeah, because that's like you're not related to those people and you're still cleaning it up If you can clean those you can clean absolutely anywhere It was but they show I I'm a king of cleaning the bathroom. Yes, my wife. It's it's like my favorite job All right. So now we're going into the rob section. This is the fourth and final section

[1:27:00]Okay, now there isn't there are no more parody songs. Okay, because there's I don't make songs about myself That it would seem that would be vain rude. Yeah. Well, I said vain, but okay This is about when I was dating somebody in high school. You probably don't remember because I dated so many different people You're probably like, which one was it? All right, so I didn't edit anything out. That was just silence But this was when I was dating somebody and they said, oh, you would look good in this article of clothing And of course I went with it. I also want to tell you a story that when this girl dumped me Part of the story is I did say to her I'm going to drive home real fast Can you think of anything more pathetic that you could say to somebody after they've dumped you? That is a sad story, but it's kind of a lonely thing. It is. I don't want to the limousine kind of lonely I don't know. How are you supposed to react when you get dumped? What's a good way to react? I think you have to get in there first, right? Well, that might be you might have to get in some licks Yeah, you have to say like, oh, I think I need to have a talk with you Be like, no, I need to have talking to you. We're done. I think that's that's the way to go about it

[1:28:00]Did you ever worry just growing up that I would never date anyone that I would always just be living at home? No, no, really? No Yes, I knew it. All right. This I've just titled this one sweater vest What's the dumbest thing you guys have ever done to impress a woman? And I'll go first. Okay, because I I want you to think about it But I will tell you right now. I was dating a girl in high school Okay, so I'm gonna wait for everybody to be pretty impressed by that And then and that kind of leads shows you the mindset I had at the time Which is where she said you should start wearing sweater vests now If you look at me, okay Probably the last part of my body. I should be trying to emphasize is the middle. Okay Let's just put it this way. I have done very well in quarantine wearing a mask around to most places So instead I wore a sweater vest, but not just anywhere. It was my high school was playing in the sectional Championship the sectional championship games now the fact that this happened to me when I was about 13 And I can still remember it very vividly

[1:29:00]Actually, I'm gonna say 16 because I realized I probably drove there if it was high school I am wearing a sweater vest and I walk into a arena of everyone in my high school watching the basketball game And every single person turned and laughed at me because I was wearing a sweater My girlfriend had bought for me and I was worried to try to impress her all time disaster No shirt underneath because you're gonna experience some chapped nipples if that happens. No, that would have rocked I was wearing an eddy bower button-up plaid shirt. I'm sure it was like Not wash it's like right off the cardboard like you still see the creases in it from being there creases in it Yes, and I was like if this will get this girl to kiss me five more times before This is by the way the same girl that I drove away fast after we broke up I'm gonna drive way really was it all the same night or not. No But no And then you got home and you get your whole upper torso was chafed from your sweater vest It is like I drove driving away fast. Yeah, I'm worried. I got I almost got pulled over. I'm chafing right now What a disaster of a night guys if I find a picture of me in one of these sweater vests

[1:30:00]I'll send it to because I'm sure my parents took a picture of me like oh, look at this guy What a joke like when my kids start doing dumb stuff like that. I gotta take a picture I gotta be there. I gotta can I tell you guys the worst Worst fashion decision I ever made in high school Like you guys remember when like color jeans became a thing like people would have like green jeans or red or white like different color Very distinct color jeans that were not blue not navy or black And I got white jeans. Yes, and then I also got like a white denim shirt Oh, so I wear like the all-white thing Like getting up and you were in boys to tell me bad I was like I'm gonna look so bad ass and I walked upstairs of my mom looked at me And just gonna die You look like a fucking painter go change your clothes And I remember thinking like I am just gonna kill it like I'm a man right now and and I didn't even make it out the door before my mom ripped me and I had to go change my Yeah, I gotta say walking upstairs and having your mom laugh at you is not a great confidence builder to your day

[1:31:00]Oh my god The white denim shirt would look great with regular jeans What's the most embarrassing thing you've done for a woman Erin? You didn't want to say it. So now you say you Sick freak Most embarrassing or oh, no, what's the most? Yeah, what's the most? I don't know. Whatever the dumbest most embarrassing. Just tell a story that we can make fun of it It'll be it'll be easy. I mean we discussed my turntable purchase So like I you know, I got together with my lady and she owned some vine She owned some opera records on vinyl and I did not have a turntable. So I think I had you know $200 to my name at the time and I went and spent $450 on a turntable and some speakers and I was like, hey But you come over now we can play that Phantom of the opera but come on over now I hope you don't mind paying for you know sandwiches because that's all I was it like My great On the turntable, so that's probably it for me. Yeah, I do like that Russell's poll for opera music was Phantom of the opera

[1:32:00]It's the only one you could do So mom, I did get a question from the crowd and you don't have to answer this if you don't too But they want to know have you ever been dumped? Oh, sure. Oh, no, there's tears. Yeah, a single tear. No, no, no, no, no, man. Oh, no, she got dumped a lot No, not dumped me. I have to think a little where you were you getting dumped more often or were you doing the dumping? Probably doing the dumping more often frankly, but But you know, everybody has a little heartbreak here and there But Yeah But not I think it's better to be doing the dumping though than getting definitely. Yeah That's painful too though when you're a teenager you hate to hurt people's feelings. Yeah, there is something about that where you think everything Isn't it funny? You think oh, we've been going up for six months. That's the longest My life has ever been and now it's six months is like, oh You think it's so important. You think your whole life is so important little. Do you know nobody cares? Yeah, it's like I I have passports that get expired in four years

[1:33:00]And I'm surprised because it seems to come up so quick, right Okay, so now I'm just going to tell you these last two clips. I really don't want to play for you Okay, but I'm going to because I feel like this would not be a true podcast So I'm going to this one is about Joey and his bad habit that he has my dog. Yes, this is not a person Yeah, this means am I rolling going by the way because I got to tell you I my dog and listen I love my dog. Okay dog does nothing like the dog just sits around it sleeps all the time The dog has one fault and that is He loves to eat not Not bite not he chews on and eats dirty underwear So if you've worn underwear, so he has eaten the crotch out of I would guess a dozen pair of my underwear He is eating about 10 pair of my wife's underwear. He ate my mom's underwear He's eaten my sister's underwear. He's eaten my kid's underwear I mean at what point do you find a different underwear storage solution like I'm like, where's your dirty underwear? It seems like full me Full me two dozen times like

[1:34:00]I'm gonna borrow freeze for my wife and say guys, I don't want fucking solutions. I just want you to listen All right, the underwear is staying on the floor. That's the way it is. I don't care if the dog I'm not picking up my underwear after I take it off. Okay the dog can change Yeah, the dog fault. Yeah, but I I had to draw the line when today I put on Immensely strong I put on My biker shorts for my peloton And the dog has eaten a hole in my peloton shorts, but not right in the crotch. It is to the right It's down my thigh about two inches Oh, well you can still write with that And I was like, well, this is a risky business because my kid has friends over And but I got to walk over to the peloton with these and these are the biking shorts I have so I got to like wear these so I'm walking over to the peloton. I get on And then I'm biking and I'm like, oh, this isn't so bad

[1:35:00]Like the hole doesn't affect too much But then in a 45 minute ride three separate times my balls flew out of my bike And it was rather uncomfortable. Okay, it's definitely ruined my cadence All right, is the dog like sitting over in the corner winking at you or anything? Is this happening or not? It's so the dog's over there saying oh You cannot do a workout and have your balls fly out Occasionally and just start flying around and at all focus on what you're doing So someone should have told me that before got it kicked out of three laced lifetimes in the last few years, but that's all right I can't remember was it just the one branch or all of them? What are you supposed to do on those setup machines? Stuff's gonna happen, right I Reverse incline for a reason everything starts falling down deep down robs. They get deep down robs. They can there ain't no way Russ has ever sat on one of those sit-up machines Russ goes right into that hip abductor machine with the laser spreading

[1:36:00]So anyway, so what's our so what's our so really no I mean no solutions We're just gonna just let the dog The main problem is that my wife's underwear are quite expensive So every time he eats one my wife tells me like that's gonna cost you this much money I'm like that's furious. You have like a hamper or something. I mean like 12 dollars a time So here's our laundry style. Okay, and tell me if this is dog is only what six inches high Like you could put this on on a coffee table, right? Like you just put your underwear back in the couch. Oh that dog You don't have sometimes dogs end up like their owners So here's the thing Your dog's got a horseshit He's a poon hound Aaron and his wife would have like a loop like a rope looped up into the top of their living room With a bundle hanging down like they're hiding stuff from a bear that's coming into the camp site And they would be hiding that dirty underwear way up above where that cat could get to it

[1:37:00]Yeah, Aaron's like I keep it right at nose level I wish I wouldn't have said that But you did but I did what can I say? The Wu-Tang has inspired me. We do actually have our what launder from the ceiling, but that's not that interesting Let me tell you my laundry style. Here's the deal is that we have a washing machine in the apartment Which is very rare for new york city. Okay And so what we do is we when laundry is dirty we put it on the floor In front of the laundry new york city brag drink Yeah And then We put on the floor and fund the laundry machine and then when it's clean we put it in a hamper So that way we know what's clean and what's dirty So the laundry does have a lot of time in the floor But sometimes when you're getting in bed, you just you know, you're throwing the underwear on the floor Are you Aaron? You're giving me the not you're giving me the no You're don't what do you do when you go to bed? No, I was giving you the yes, man Like yeah, like but yeah, I get it. I I'm understanding now Yeah, your floor is covered in underwear, right? That's why I bought shoes. He has stepped on too many underwears

[1:38:00]He was like, oh Matt's mom aka the housekeeper is over at like 10 30 every night when Matt goes to bed She's scooping that shit up off the ground and throwing it right into the hamper Nothing's hanging around there on the ground for that dog to get out Matt call me before you go to bed so I can scoop up So you don't leave a lighting room. I gotta scoop up just like he's out just like he's out with the driveway She's with his underwear It's all genetic Suzanne wants you to tell the bowling story date story. Do you want to do that or not? Oh, I can do that. Okay. So tell us about the date that you and dad went on that involved bowling early on in my In my dating career with this is a classic mom's underwear story I went bowling with dad and his best friend less Reese And we got there and I was wearing what I thought was a cute outfit But as I bowled the first or second ball I heard a rip And I knew it was my pants that had ripped And I said, oh, can you see it? You know, I said to robert. Can you see anything? And he said, oh, no, it's nothing

[1:39:00]And so we kept bowling for another two games And when I got home the whole back of my pants was completely ripped open and had been the whole time But they just didn't want to leave the bowling alley They let me bowl with my back in hanging out of my pants So that was very romantic I like the idea they're like they're whispering each other when you're up there you're like, oh, I've got a split I'm trying to get in there like Hey, I really want to keep bowling don't tell her about her pants. He's like, okay. I'm like, won't tell her about her pants I think that's a really good idea. That was it. Oh, that's so good. So That's I that I think that's true love though. That's when you know nobody's going to be the dump He could love bowling and not me All right, so this last one is about

[1:40:00]buying deodorant In new york now almost all the deodorant is under glass. So you have to go ask to buy it Everybody's deodorant is under glass. So do you know how embarrassing it is to go ask for a certain flavor of deodorant? [100:12] Anyway, that's the bit I that's the bit I do here. It's bad But this is about other stuff that could be under glass as well now the I think I do tell At some point I did tell the story about how when I was on a plane one time And you were convinced I wasn't wearing deodorant. Yes, and you yelled at me and you said you didn't yell at me, but you certainly talked to me and you said hey, you need to start wearing deodorant I think how old was I 14 15? [100:33] 25 nine. Yeah, so you said you need to wear deodorant and Then it turns out that do you remember what was happening instead? Yes Well, that smell that smelled like robert to b o turned out to be the stewardess eating a burger king hamburger It was the onions And so I kind of wondered if I really wanted to pursue Much fast food if I couldn't tell the difference between the fast food and my son's This is not too appetizing. Well, the deodorant I was wearing at the time was flame broiled

[1:41:00]That might be part of the problem. All right. So that's a good joke. Here is this one Let's just talk about the deodorant. So then I also this week I ran out of deodorant Okay, and actually to be honest I ran out of deodorant about two months ago and I have been using my wife's deodorant now I don't think there's anything wrong with using your wife deodorant. I think that is fair game I'd never ever tell her I would never tell her she'll be pissed if she ever listens to this podcast so I'm set for the rest of my life not worried about that and the so I I go down to the duane reed which is in my building Right and I go to get the deodorant They now have the deodorant behind glass that you have to unlock and get the deodorant So I have to go right like razor blades where you have to have a lock to get a mount or what I don't know. I I don't know if they're so expensive, but I have to go ask somebody What to unlock the deodorant and then I have to say to them Ah, yes, I would like the You know must the extra sweaty man Yeah, I would like the musk bear smell shark man Like Superman deodorant like I

[1:42:00]Because I'm telling you one of my favorite days of all time and I've said this all the time is growing up I love it when I run out of deodorant and I get to go pick a new type of deodorant It's one of the highlights of my week. Well, not weak. I don't buy deodorant that often But whenever I buy deodorant, it's I love Shopping because there's all these different fun kinds of deodorant and now you can see all these different things Yeah, I love it. I think it's great. I I I love all the new like super masculine flavors Is that the right term like the flavor? It's not a flavor. Maybe a scent. Well, anything's a flavor You try hard enough Rob, are you a science teacher? You don't know like the five senses Listen, I don't have time for teaching that stuff. Okay, I'm I'm much too busy at school listening to these albums But it's so embarrassing because now I basically am not going to buy deodorant And in fact, I went to another Dwayne reed in Manhattan. It was also under glass. So I just walked out I mean, I I what else is under glass? [102:53] I don't know. I think like, oh laundry detergent is Cigarettes like just stuff that gets stolen What would be the most embarrassing thing you would have to ever go buy and ask for them to open the glass to buy? [103:04] Like is it condoms? What would be the thing where you'd be terrified to go ask the ladies

[1:43:00]That way and read to open the glass to open them for what? Oh my god, I would love to buy condoms I'd be like what give me your smallest most normal sized condoms that you have like that's what I want Condoms are so big. I get condoms sometimes. Are you when I used to get condoms? Oh, we're gonna do this Rob, we're gonna do this. I was always like they're so big and then there's that little tip on the end I remember in health class they'd always be like, oh, make sure you squeeze that tip when you put it on otherwise Yeah, otherwise, and I was like, how much do you think is coming out? [103:36] Like do you think there's so much coming out that if I don't squeeze that tip this whole thing's gonna fly off like a balloon Like a water rocket Like I was like this makes no sense like even then I was like squeeze a tip that doesn't even make How does that make any sense? But that was like the one thing I remember from a health class was squeeze a tip So the idea mom so my mom has her head in her hands That was the clip I picked last because I thought you'd walk away if I picked it earlier The idea mom was that we were going to have some glasses of wine and that would be at the end

[1:44:00]But I think we drank the wine too early and now it's starting to wear off And so we kind of sobered up just elicit that clip. So that's not that's that's not how I was supposed to work out at all So I guess I just have one question That's the end of the podcast and I just wanted to say thank you so much for doing this I know this is not something that's like your dream come true is listening to me indulge myself But I just have one question mom. Are you proud of me for doing this? I'm so proud of you for doing this And I think it takes a lot of nerve And time and talent put yourself out there like this. It's kind of like I'm proud of you, sweetie Yeah, and I'm always oh, thank you here, and I never get to tell you that Oh, I I know you don't have to tell me that and it's true. I am kind of a hero I mean you didn't use the word hero, but I think that's kind of similar Yeah, that might be pushing it a little no, I think that's what kind of what you said I do want to play this to you before we go real quick Have you ever did I oh I did play you this clip of emerson when he was on the podcast It's the one thing you said that I saved no Rob's right All right, thank everybody that's been back did it better The mom

[1:45:00]Thank you But look it up online if you want to hear for guys who chat and then they get off track I've got the perfect podcast for you jack back did it better