BEST OF VOLUME 1: With SPECIAL GUEST!!!!!1!!
[00:00]Hi, everyone. This is Rob from Beck Did It Better. Well, it finally happened. The four
[00:05]of us could not get together to record an episode this week, so we put together a best
[00:08]of clip show for all you Beckerheads who would have something to listen to. I also think
[00:11]this is a good dropping off point for new listeners because we go through some of the
[00:14]running jokes we've had. So if you think of anyone that you would think enjoyed this podcast,
[00:18]this is a great episode to share with them. Now, if they're anything like me, when somebody
[00:22]recommends a podcast, I say thanks and I never listened to it, but maybe you'll have more
[00:25]success. I also want to take the time to thank Russ, Aaron, and Matt for doing the show,
[00:29]and I can't tell you how much fun it's been podcasting with them over the last year. I
[00:33]especially want to thank Russ for pulling all these clips this week. I also want to
[00:36]thank our hardcore fans who have been calling and texting the Beck line at 802-277-BECK,
[00:40]emailing us at beckdiditbetter at gmail.com, and following us at beckdiditbetter on Instagram,
[00:46]Twitter, and even TikTok. Now, a quick word about the app. Some of our early episodes
[00:50]had dubious sound quality, so I want to apologize in advance. Also, I got a very special guest
[00:55]to co-host with me this week, so I didn't hold back in playing some embarrassing
[00:59]material. I'm going to play a little bit of music. I'm going to play a little bit of
[00:59]material, but the only time they put their head down was the very last clip I played.
[01:03]It's a real doozy. Well, here we go. Best of Beck Did It Better, Volume 1.
[01:29]Best of Beck Did It Better, Volume 1.
[01:59]You are upset. Clip shows what you're stuck with.
[02:04]We all just want a little rest. All Rob had to do was some edits.
[02:14]But then he went and got a special guest.
[02:19]When you want to hear about the greatest albums of all time,
[02:23]but you're just too lazy to look it up online.
[02:29]If you want to hear from guys who chat and then they get off track.
[02:35]I've got the perfect podcast for you, Jack.
[02:40]Beck Did It Better.
[02:42]So, Mom, this is how we're going to do this, okay?
[02:47]So, the plan is that we can't get together and do an episode this week
[02:51]because everybody's too busy. We've got too many commitments. It's mostly Aaron's fault.
[02:54]But I wanted to play some of the best bits of the show for you.
[02:59]And then explain the show to you.
[03:00]Good.
[03:01]Because I figured if I could explain it to you, then that's me explaining it to everybody.
[03:06]So, your goal here is you don't have to be funny.
[03:08]You don't have to be anything except for how you really feel.
[03:10]So, if you think something's terrible, you can tell me.
[03:12]If you think I'm trying to get too much attention, you can tell everybody that.
[03:16]There's only like two people that are going to be listening to this.
[03:18]So, you don't need to worry about that.
[03:19]In 2020, four friends decided to listen to every one of the greatest 500 albums
[03:25]as decided by Rolling Stone Magazine.
[03:29]This resulted in a text chain that celebrated the music,
[03:32]excoriated the order, and led us to making the podcast.
[03:36]We are far from experts, and we promised to do almost no research.
[03:41]All opinions are our own unless you disagree.
[03:44]Please sit back and enjoy Beck Did It Better.
[03:48]This is the best of volume one.
[03:50]Perfect.
[03:51]All right.
[03:52]So, I'm going to play.
[03:53]Now, I'm going to play the theme song.
[03:54]And I wrote and sing in this theme song.
[03:57]You ready for this?
[03:57]Maybe not.
[03:59]When you want to hear about the greatest albums of all time
[04:05]But you're just too lazy to look it up online
[04:10]If you want to hear from guys who chat and then they get off track
[04:15]I've got the perfect podcast for you, Jack
[04:20]Beck Did It Better.
[04:22]Yeah, it's so good.
[04:24]So good.
[04:24]All right.
[04:25]So, this is Beck Did It Better.
[04:27]This is a podcast I started with three of my colleagues.
[04:29]Three college friends.
[04:29]I'll show you a question, a picture of the three college friends right now.
[04:34]Just to give you an idea of what they look like.
[04:37]Okay.
[04:38]So, here's me in the middle.
[04:40]This is when we were in Las Vegas, and they all put pictures of me on shirts and wore them.
[04:43]I see.
[04:43]So, this is me.
[04:44]Here's Russell right here.
[04:46]Here's Aaron.
[04:48]He's very bald.
[04:50]And here's Matt.
[04:51]Aaron, if you remember, sang at my wedding.
[04:53]Remember, he didn't do a good job, and he kind of ruined it.
[04:56]Everybody didn't like it.
[04:56]And then Russell, if you remember.
[04:59]Also had a job at the wedding, but we're going to talk about that at the podcast here.
[05:02]So, the idea of the podcast is that we listen to the top 500 albums on Rolling Stone.
[05:06]That Rolling Stone set with the top 500, and then we talk about the albums, and we talk
[05:12]about whether we like them or what we think of them.
[05:14]And so, this is the first one I ever did.
[05:16]This is Michael Jackson's Thriller.
[05:18]We did the album.
[05:18]So, what I did is I took the song where Vincent Price, do you remember, where he's talking
[05:22]during the song, and I made kind of a spoof of it.
[05:25]It kind of explains who everybody on the podcast is.
[05:28]Got it.
[05:29]Okay.
[05:29]Hey, guys.
[05:30]Thanks for meeting me in person today for this recording session.
[05:32]I really appreciate it.
[05:33]I didn't think it was safe for us to meet in person, but Aaron kept texting Scamdemic,
[05:37]Stink Scamdemic, over and over again.
[05:38]I thought he was going to get in trouble.
[05:41]Yeah, no.
[05:42]He doesn't care.
[05:44]So, here's the deal is that I did rent this big, spooky mansion that we can record at.
[05:48]So, let's just walk up to it right now.
[05:51]Let's do it.
[05:51]All right.
[05:51]Oh, my goodness.
[05:56]Oh.
[05:59]I was looking like that, dude.
[06:00]Rob, something's behind you.
[06:06]Oh, yeah.
[06:08]The podcast hour is close at hand, and our four hosts will make their plans.
[06:20]Russ is at the record store and dating online and trying to make us have a shorter run time.
[06:29]He's editing episodes all night and day, and thinking of dirty things to say.
[06:35]Matt's also working hard as well, making spreadsheets of things that can go to hell.
[06:43]I think they did better tonight.
[06:45]Ooh, baby.
[06:47]Hope it goes all right.
[06:49]Wow, what a singing voice.
[06:50]Yeah, honey.
[06:51]Hope Aaron and Matt start a fight.
[06:53]Uh-huh.
[06:55]Looking at downloads on the website.
[06:58]Oh, man.
[06:59]A number of listeners to slide.
[07:01]And Aaron's locked in his garage, so sweet.
[07:05]Looking at photos online of feet.
[07:08]Thinking of songs that are so obscure.
[07:11]And his funny laugh is the only reason he is here.
[07:16]And though the quality will take a dive with only old jokes in our quiver,
[07:22]we are forced by this damn list.
[07:29]To make a podcast about the Michael Jackson album.
[07:32]Thriller.
[07:33]All right, so that was the introduction to Thriller that we did,
[07:39]and then we would talk about it a little bit.
[07:40]But we have Russ, who lives in Minnesota.
[07:43]Matt, who lives in Minnesota.
[07:44]Aaron, who lives in California.
[07:46]And myself, who lives in New York, although I'm now in Minnesota,
[07:49]hanging out with the family, and it's super fun.
[07:51]So what we do is we record it together, and then I edit it, and then I send it to Russ.
[07:55]That's why I said he's always trying to get it to be shorter,
[07:57]because I would like to have a four-hour podcast.
[07:59]If you can believe that or not.
[08:00]Ooh.
[08:01]Butt buster.
[08:03]Well, you don't have to just sit on your butt listening to the podcast, Mom.
[08:06]You can walk around and do whatever you want.
[08:08]Got it.
[08:08]So I'm going to play for you right now.
[08:11]Here is a clip from our revolver,
[08:13]and this was a story about Russ when he was in my wedding.
[08:16]And you're actually in this story.
[08:18]That's why I picked it for the first one.
[08:19]So he was an usher, and if you remember, he had to do some tasks,
[08:24]and then he had kind of a disappointing end to the wedding.
[08:26]So let's listen to it right now.
[08:28]And again, I want to remind you,
[08:29]I'm playing a character on this.
[08:30]Are you ready for this?
[08:30]Got it.
[08:31]Do you have any questions about the podcast so far?
[08:32]Not so far.
[08:33]I think you're saying it's not that hard to do it.
[08:35]I can follow it.
[08:36]Well, okay.
[08:37]Well, that's good.
[08:38]All right, here we go.
[08:39]Did it better.
[08:41]So let's go.
[08:42]Next one.
[08:42]Eleanor Rigby, one of the few songs
[08:44]where there are no Beatles playing on it at all.
[08:48]No guitar, no nothing.
[08:50]George Martin arranged this on strings.
[08:53]Paul still plays it with acoustic stuff, but...
[08:56]I think...
[08:59]This was my favorite song on the album.
[09:00]And I love this opening lyric about Eleanor Rigby
[09:05]picks up the rice in the church where the wedding has been,
[09:07]lives in a dream.
[09:09]And it's all about this loneliness of this person.
[09:13]Her job was literally to pick up the rice at the wedding.
[09:16]What a horrible job.
[09:17]And she's wearing a face that she keeps in a jar by the door?
[09:20]Like, that is some lonely shit.
[09:21]Well, see, now that I can relate to.
[09:23]That is actually the one part I do relate to.
[09:24]I can actually directly relate to this
[09:26]picking up the rice in the church.
[09:27]Like, I've never had to do that.
[09:29]That seems like a terrible job.
[09:30]But I was a groom...
[09:33]Not a groomsman.
[09:34]I believe an usher in Rob's wedding.
[09:36]That's like above groomsman for a lot of weddings, Russell.
[09:39]Just to let you know.
[09:40]I was an usher at Rob's wedding probably, what, 15 years ago.
[09:43]16.
[09:43]And we're there.
[09:45]And the wedding gets over.
[09:47]And everyone runs out to the limos, to jump in the limos.
[09:50]We're going to drive downtown afterwards.
[09:51]And Rob's mom, I believe, comes up to me
[09:54]and essentially tells me,
[09:55]hey, you need to go pick up all those statues that we put up.
[09:58]Like, she treated me like the help, kind of.
[10:01]It was 105 degrees.
[10:02]See, I don't remember any of this.
[10:04]Yeah, you were having fun.
[10:06]I pick up all these statues
[10:09]and then I come running out and I barely make the limo.
[10:11]And the limo is full,
[10:12]so I have to sit in the front fucking seat
[10:14]with the limo driver
[10:16]for a 45-minute drive downtown.
[10:18]I forgot about that!
[10:22]And so I literally...
[10:25]I am literally sitting in the front,
[10:27]you know, where they have to put up the...
[10:28]the screen or the window
[10:30]where you can't see in the back.
[10:31]So all my friends,
[10:33]all the bridesmaids that are back there
[10:35]that I'm going to try to talk to,
[10:36]and I don't get to sit by anyone.
[10:38]I'm sitting up by the front with the driver.
[10:40]And I remember looking at him and I'm like,
[10:43]can I at least drink up here?
[10:44]And he looks at me and kind of gives me the...
[10:46]He realized I am the lonely person.
[10:49]Like, in this Eleanor Rigby song.
[10:51]You're Eleanor Rigby.
[10:52]And he just, he said,
[10:53]you do what you need to do, man.
[10:55]So I sat up there,
[10:55]but I never really thought about it.
[10:57]And then I listened to the lyrics to the song,
[10:58]and I'm like, man,
[10:59]I'm the lonely person
[11:01]who had to pick up the damn statues
[11:02]at Rob's wedding like this.
[11:03]Eleanor Rigby had to pick up the fucking rice.
[11:06]Yeah, we threw those away the next day.
[11:07]We didn't even want those statues.
[11:08]We just tossed them.
[11:09]We didn't even need them.
[11:10]I remember the back of the limo
[11:12]is the problem.
[11:13]I mean, the air conditioning was too...
[11:14]It was too cold in there.
[11:15]Conversation?
[11:18]It was just too wild?
[11:19]You were laughing too much?
[11:20]Hey, John,
[11:23]what about the change of the song where...
[11:25]It's about somebody picking up statues.
[11:28]My Paul McCartney voice
[11:31]is going away pretty badly.
[11:32]It sounds like Rick Robbins.
[11:33]It's perfect.
[11:34]Thanks, everybody, for the support.
[11:38]Keep it up, buddy.
[11:38]Yeah, so that song's fun
[11:41]and not depressing at all.
[11:43]And Russell, once again,
[11:44]thank you for picking up the statues.
[11:45]Yeah, because how are you supposed to have a wedding
[11:47]if I don't have statues of myself around
[11:49]where it's like,
[11:50]oh, here's Musa Centaur.
[11:53]The nude statues,
[11:54]like the David Robb version,
[11:56]was probably not necessary,
[11:57]but it worked for your guy.
[11:58]Yeah, exactly.
[11:59]I'm like, hey, make it bigger.
[12:02]Okay, and that was the joke
[12:03]you thought I was going to make
[12:04]and I made it.
[12:05]Oh, I'm so disappointed in myself.
[12:06]Okay, wait a minute.
[12:07]I'm going to come up with
[12:08]a different take of that joke.
[12:09]Make it smaller.
[12:15]Yes, I nailed it.
[12:17]Yes!
[12:17]Yes, I came through.
[12:19]Robb, yes!
[12:20]I am the best.
[12:21]All right.
[12:22]I'm only sleeping.
[12:24]This turns out to be
[12:27]one of my...
[12:28]favorite songs on the album
[12:29]and I didn't know
[12:31]that I know this whole song
[12:32]and then I was listening
[12:33]and I know the whole song.
[12:35]I really love it.
[12:37]Lennon has a theme
[12:39]I'm singing about sleeping
[12:40]in a couple of albums,
[12:41]which maybe he was depressed.
[12:43]I don't know.
[12:43]Well, obviously he was, but...
[12:45]This is a song
[12:46]where they actually played it
[12:48]faster
[12:49]and they slowed it down
[12:50]for the album.
[12:51]They used a various speed on this.
[12:52]I didn't know that.
[12:53]Which they did on a couple of albums.
[12:53]You're not supposed to do any research, Rob.
[12:55]You promised.
[12:55]No, I was told that
[12:56]by the Limbo Club.
[12:58]Limbo driver.
[12:59]Because I was up actually
[12:59]in the front of the other limo
[13:00]as well.
[13:01]And he was like,
[13:03]hey, I'm a big expert
[13:04]on the Beatles.
[13:05]And it's back.
[13:06]The voice is back big time.
[13:07]It's back.
[13:08]It's back.
[13:09]When you want to hear
[13:11]about the greatest albums
[13:12]of all time.
[13:12]Do you have any recollection
[13:14]at all of talking to Russ
[13:15]at the wedding
[13:16]and making him move
[13:17]flowers and stuff like that?
[13:18]None.
[13:18]And I'm pretty sad
[13:20]to have made him
[13:21]into an Elmer Rigby
[13:22]because that's pathetic.
[13:24]But I think it was
[13:25]my bossy, mouthy friend
[13:27]Jane Teigen
[13:28]that did it.
[13:28]That did not mean.
[13:29]Oh, no.
[13:30]Don't let Jane hear this.
[13:31]Yeah.
[13:31]I just can't be blamed.
[13:33]I refuse to accept
[13:35]any shame.
[13:35]Well, I think on a wedding day,
[13:37]I think you get,
[13:37]you paid the big bucks.
[13:39]I think you get to
[13:40]tell people what to do.
[13:41]Doesn't that seem fair?
[13:41]I have no memory
[13:42]of any statues
[13:44]at the wedding.
[13:46]I think it was flowers
[13:47]and I think I made it into,
[13:48]I think he said statues
[13:49]because it sounded heavier
[13:50]like he was actually in work
[13:51]because moving flowers,
[13:52]I mean, that doesn't sound
[13:52]hard at all, does it?
[13:53]That's more, yeah, Elmer.
[13:54]Yeah, it's really like
[13:56]he barely did anything at all.
[13:57]Yeah.
[13:57]Well, anyway, I feel
[13:58]I'm sorry that he was
[14:00]a lonely man,
[14:01]but I've spent
[14:02]some pretty lonely times
[14:04]at multiple weddings.
[14:05]I guess we all have, huh?
[14:06]Well, he's not just
[14:07]was a lonely man.
[14:08]I think he still is.
[14:09]And let's talk about that
[14:10]real quick.
[14:11]Let's get into
[14:11]Russ's dating life.
[14:12]So this is a recent date.
[14:13]Russell is the only one
[14:14]of us that isn't married.
[14:15]And so he often regales us
[14:18]with his online dating stories.
[14:19]And I always thought
[14:20]being an online,
[14:21]I mean, can you imagine
[14:22]dating now with all these
[14:23]apps and everything?
[14:23]Well, just hell.
[14:25]Oh, I was going to say
[14:26]it sounds awesome.
[14:27]But so I think
[14:28]that it would be
[14:29]it would be a ton of work
[14:30]and you just go out
[14:31]with a bunch of I mean,
[14:31]I think we all dated losers
[14:33]at some point, right?
[14:34]Can you imagine just
[14:34]randomly dating online?
[14:36]You'd run into tons of losers.
[14:37]Let's listen to
[14:38]how this date goes.
[14:40]Russ, rolling going.
[14:42]How's it going with you?
[14:42]So the other day
[14:44]I went on a date with a woman
[14:45]and she announced
[14:46]she was pregnant
[14:46]at about 10 minutes
[14:48]into the date.
[14:48]So how do you guys
[14:49]deal with that?
[14:50]First date, first date,
[14:52]10 minutes in.
[14:53]First round draft pick
[14:57]of an online date.
[14:58]And you get the announcement
[14:59]that yes, I'm actually
[15:00]I'm not drinking today.
[15:03]Not because I haven't
[15:04]had a good experience
[15:05]with alcohol.
[15:05]It's not my thing.
[15:06]I'm allergic.
[15:07]It's yeah, I'm actually
[15:08]pregnant.
[15:09]So that's my life.
[15:11]We can just move on.
[15:15]That's my life.
[15:15]Doesn't that seem like
[15:17]I mean, isn't that
[15:18]something that
[15:18]there's got to be stuff
[15:19]that there's like rules
[15:21]of things you have
[15:22]to disclose.
[15:22]You would think so.
[15:24]So could you tell
[15:26]did it come out?
[15:27]Like, could you
[15:27]as she walked out?
[15:28]You walked up to the table
[15:29]and you're like, well,
[15:30]I'm curious about
[15:30]whether this woman
[15:31]is pregnant or not.
[15:32]Or did you like,
[15:32]how did this
[15:33]was it a complete
[15:34]surprise to you?
[15:35]Nope.
[15:36]Couldn't tell.
[15:37]Okay.
[15:37]Okay.
[15:38]So early on early,
[15:39]early in the process.
[15:41]Okay.
[15:42]Just an announcement.
[15:43]There was an announcement
[15:44]about five minutes
[15:45]and we were ordering a drink
[15:46]and she had mentioned
[15:47]before that she
[15:48]did not drink.
[15:49]And I was like,
[15:49]that's fine.
[15:50]I don't care.
[15:50]Teach their own.
[15:51]And she said it again.
[15:53]We were sitting there
[15:54]for a few minutes.
[15:55]I was like, okay.
[15:55]And then she said,
[15:56]I'm pregnant.
[15:57]And I was like,
[15:58]I,
[15:58]I thought it was a joke.
[15:59]I thought it was a joke.
[16:00]And then it came up
[16:00]another time and it was
[16:01]clear it was not.
[16:02]It was,
[16:02]yeah,
[16:03]this,
[16:03]this is my life.
[16:04]So on the second date,
[16:06]did you like figure out
[16:07]the backstory?
[16:07]Yeah.
[16:08]Third date,
[16:10]you're in the hospital
[16:10]holding a leg.
[16:11]Oh no.
[16:12]Oh no.
[16:14]I don't even know
[16:16]how to respond.
[16:16]This is my life.
[16:17]We can just fucking move on.
[16:19]David Bowie.
[16:20]No,
[16:22]I kind of,
[16:23]I do kind of want to
[16:24]peel into this a little bit.
[16:25]Please peel.
[16:26]It's an idea.
[16:27]There's,
[16:28]there's plenty,
[16:28]what exactly did you say
[16:29]when she said,
[16:30]I'm pregnant
[16:32]and you said,
[16:33]ha ha ha.
[16:34]And then she goes,
[16:34]no,
[16:34]I'm actually pregnant.
[16:35]I can't drink.
[16:36]Like how much longer
[16:37]does the date go on then?
[16:38]And did the thought
[16:41]cross your mind of like,
[16:42]I can raw dog.
[16:45]You know what I mean?
[16:46]She's not going to get
[16:47]pregnant again.
[16:48]She's not.
[16:51]It's the ultimate birth control.
[16:52]I actually,
[16:53]I don't know if I can
[16:55]ever take this back
[16:56]and I sit,
[16:56]I'm just going to be quiet.
[16:58]I can't take it back.
[17:00]I did read a news article
[17:02]on like CNN
[17:03]or something this week
[17:04]where a woman
[17:05]had two different children
[17:06]within like three months
[17:07]of each other
[17:08]where they were conceived
[17:09]while she was pregnant.
[17:11]So that may or may not
[17:12]have crossed my mind.
[17:13]Possible.
[17:15]Oh,
[17:16]I think I found my new kink.
[17:18]This is weird.
[17:18]This is going to get really weird.
[17:19]This is not good.
[17:23]I got nothing on this.
[17:27]So no,
[17:27]but how long,
[17:28]did the date last after that?
[17:29]Like,
[17:29]what do you do after that?
[17:30]I mean,
[17:30]do you,
[17:31]we continued our brunch.
[17:34]I don't know.
[17:35]That's good.
[17:36]That's,
[17:36]that's the gentlemanly thing to do.
[17:38]And so at that point,
[17:39]you're just like,
[17:39]well,
[17:39]I'm going to get a meal out of this.
[17:40]Did she order two brunches?
[17:42]She did.
[17:43]She did not order two,
[17:44]but I,
[17:45]he's eating for two.
[17:47]I'm eating for two.
[17:47]Drinking for zero.
[17:51]I'm eating for two.
[17:52]I got a feeling she was paying for,
[17:56]she was paying for zero on this day too.
[17:58]I got a feeling she was paying for zero.
[17:58]Russ is paying for two.
[17:59]You got to get a little quicker on that Monday night exit on the,
[18:02]I mean,
[18:06]if you can't laugh,
[18:07]you would cry over this type of shit,
[18:09]right?
[18:09]Eating for two,
[18:10]but paying for zero.
[18:11]When she sees the bill come in,
[18:12]she's like,
[18:13]Oh boy.
[18:18]So yeah.
[18:20]I mean,
[18:20]think of the money you'd save on condoms,
[18:22]Russell.
[18:22]It'd be in the millions.
[18:23]I think that's a great cost benefit.
[18:26]You got to think about it.
[18:27]You know what I mean?
[18:28]You know,
[18:29]it's your yellow pad.
[18:30]It puts the positives on the one side of the negatives on the other.
[18:33]And I would say it would get tougher and tougher because I think it is
[18:36]important.
[18:36]Like if you break up with somebody,
[18:37]especially if you've been dating for a while to do it in a public place,
[18:40]I would say you have until they're about six months pregnant and then dumping
[18:46]them in a public place is problematic,
[18:47]right?
[18:48]If you're dating somebody who's visibly pregnant and you have to break up in a
[18:52]public place,
[18:52]that looks really,
[18:53]really bad where you're just like,
[18:55]yeah,
[18:55]this isn't really working out.
[18:56]Well,
[18:57]see you later.
[18:57]And everybody,
[18:58]everybody looks around.
[18:58]They're like,
[18:58]wait,
[18:59]what?
[18:59]You're just like,
[19:02]that would be that.
[19:03]You know,
[19:04]Rob,
[19:04]that's the,
[19:05]that's the thinking three or four step.
[19:06]That's playing chess instead of checkers.
[19:08]And that's why we appreciate you as the lead host of this podcast.
[19:12]Cause that's,
[19:12]that's how you know,
[19:13]so made host,
[19:15]the main host of this podcast.
[19:16]Yeah.
[19:16]If you miss your window though,
[19:17]you're in big,
[19:18]big trouble.
[19:18]So,
[19:18]uh,
[19:20]Russell,
[19:20]that,
[19:21]uh,
[19:21]I have to say,
[19:21]I am kind of reevaluating what I was saying earlier about my marriage and all
[19:24]those jokes I was making about the,
[19:26]uh,
[19:26]marriage phone sex line.
[19:27]My life does sound,
[19:28]better than that.
[19:29]Okay.
[19:30]Not going to lie.
[19:32]All right.
[19:33]So I was referencing their mom.
[19:34]I was doing a joke about a phone sex line for married couples where it'd be
[19:38]like,
[19:38]Oh,
[19:38]I did the dishes and I didn't even tell you about it.
[19:40]Hmm.
[19:41]Do you think that's funny?
[19:43]Or like I,
[19:45]I,
[19:45]I not only did I do the dishes,
[19:47]I also cleaned out the sink inside.
[19:48]Hmm.
[19:50]I'm having a hard time laughing at any joke about that sort of thing.
[19:54]So you might just have to,
[19:56]you'd have to start over on that.
[19:58]All right.
[19:58]Well,
[19:58]she did laugh at some of the Monday night football plugs that I put in there.
[20:01]So,
[20:01]okay.
[20:02]So what I do is that when I'm doing this podcast,
[20:03]I also have this sound effect board,
[20:05]so I can also play sound effects.
[20:06]But as you can see,
[20:07]I,
[20:07]I,
[20:08]I think,
[20:08]I feel like I do have great restraint and I don't play them too much.
[20:11]I let,
[20:11]I kind of let the podcast breathe.
[20:12]So what do you think of the podcast so far?
[20:14]If you had to grade it,
[20:15]it's pretty good.
[20:15]And one of the things I like about it is that people aren't talking over each
[20:18]other all the time,
[20:19]which some people do on podcasts,
[20:21]which I find very annoying.
[20:24]What podcast do you listen to?
[20:25]Well,
[20:26]I listen.
[20:27]I,
[20:28]which is some that I've tried that I have not done a second time.
[20:31]I'm,
[20:32]you know,
[20:33]quite addicted to revisionist history.
[20:35]Oh,
[20:36]that's my,
[20:36]my bent.
[20:38]Did they have a part about dating a pregnant person?
[20:40]Was that a role?
[20:41]But they have some quite amusing parts and,
[20:43]and some of the stories I think could fit right in.
[20:46]Oh,
[20:46]Hey,
[20:47]there we go.
[20:47]Great plug for my mom.
[20:48]Us and revisionist history.
[20:50]And I am also not telling you the title of the podcast because I don't
[20:53]actually want you to listen,
[20:54]but that was from our David Bowie episode.
[20:55]So this next one,
[20:57]this is a,
[20:57]so then,
[20:58]what I would do is I would take a song from the album and make a
[21:01]parody song.
[21:01]And that's how the,
[21:02]the episode starts.
[21:03]Good.
[21:04]So,
[21:04]Oh yeah,
[21:05]thank you.
[21:05]So with Russell,
[21:07]I made a parody of a Prince had an album called sign of the times,
[21:11]and he had a song called sign of the times.
[21:13]And so what I did is I made a parody song called pickup lines.
[21:17]Got it.
[21:18]Did you,
[21:19]did you,
[21:19]um,
[21:20]has anybody ever used a pickup line on you?
[21:22]Not for about a hundred years.
[21:28]Did you know any pickup lines?
[21:30]I don't think so.
[21:32]Okay.
[21:32]That's that's good.
[21:33]Or,
[21:34]or not whatever.
[21:35]Uh,
[21:35]so,
[21:36]Oh,
[21:36]and there's one term I have to explain to you.
[21:37]Do you,
[21:37]have you ever heard the term Bay?
[21:38]No,
[21:39]B A E.
[21:40]It means before anyone else.
[21:42]Oh,
[21:43]so you'd say,
[21:43]Oh,
[21:43]like,
[21:44]Oh,
[21:44]you're my Bay.
[21:44]And that was short for,
[21:45]okay.
[21:46]So this is sign of the times,
[21:48]but it's pickup lines.
[21:49]Okay.
[21:50]And again,
[21:50]I'm a character on this.
[21:51]Oh,
[21:53]Russell,
[21:53]this is a great bar.
[21:54]Yeah.
[21:54]Let's,
[21:55]let's go talk to some ladies.
[21:56]Let me see you some of your,
[21:57]what you got here.
[21:57]Uh,
[21:59]Hey baby,
[22:00]what's going on?
[22:00]You play soccer.
[22:01]Oh,
[22:02]you look like a keeper.
[22:03]You know,
[22:05]I always thought happiness started with an H,
[22:07]but it looks like it starts with you.
[22:09]Say,
[22:12]do you have an Instagram?
[22:13]My mom always told me to follow my dreams.
[22:16]Is that a mirror in your pants?
[22:21]Cause I can see myself in them.
[22:26]Hey ladies,
[22:32]I'm Russ.
[22:32]If you're feeling down,
[22:34]I can feel you up.
[22:35]Say pretty baby,
[22:37]there's something wrong with my phone.
[22:39]Your number's not in it.
[22:40]Baby.
[22:41]If you were words on a page,
[22:43]I know you'd be the fine print.
[22:45]Baby,
[22:46]you must be a library book.
[22:48]Cause I keep checking you out.
[22:50]Baby,
[22:51]you should be hanging in a museum.
[22:53]Cause you're a work of art.
[22:56]Hey,
[22:57]I'm writing an article on the finer things in life.
[22:59]Could I interview you?
[23:01]Oh yeah.
[23:03]Lines.
[23:05]Russ's pickup lines.
[23:08]Oh,
[23:09]excuse me.
[23:10]Do you like bagels?
[23:12]Cause you're my Bay goals.
[23:14]Oh,
[23:15]are you a model?
[23:16]Huh?
[23:16]You not?
[23:17]Well,
[23:17]baby,
[23:18]when did you quit?
[23:19]Did I tell you I run Spotify?
[23:22]Now you're on the hot singles list,
[23:24]baby.
[23:25]You're so beautiful.
[23:25]You're.
[23:26]You're so hot.
[23:26]Even my zipper's falling for you.
[23:28]Hey,
[23:30]do you have an inhaler?
[23:31]Cause you have got that ass.
[23:33]Lines.
[23:39]Russ's pickup lines.
[23:42]Hey,
[23:43]I'm researching important dates in history.
[23:44]Do you want to be mine?
[23:45]Hey,
[23:47]does anybody here want to go halfsies on a baby?
[23:49]When you want,
[23:50]that's kind of fitting.
[23:51]Sorry.
[23:51]The last clip we listened to.
[23:53]Yes.
[23:53]Anything to say about that?
[23:56]How I guess I'm getting pretty old.
[23:58]Well,
[24:01]you can picture me sitting at my kitchen table while the girls are around and I'm recording those songs.
[24:05]Good one.
[24:05]And you're proud of me as I like the library book.
[24:08]Check out.
[24:08]That was my favorite.
[24:09]That's your,
[24:10]that's your favorite one.
[24:10]That's a good one.
[24:11]That's a classic intellectual pickup line.
[24:13]Yeah.
[24:13]Or like,
[24:14]are you from Tennessee?
[24:15]You're the only 10 I see.
[24:17]I said that to my mom.
[24:19]Wish I wouldn't have done that.
[24:20]It's kind of a regret.
[24:21]All right.
[24:22]So moving on,
[24:23]my mom's giving me the big thumbs down.
[24:24]Uh,
[24:25]so this was from our,
[24:26]one of our first episodes we did actually recorded this here at the cabin last year.
[24:29]This is from beach boys,
[24:30]pet sounds.
[24:31]And this is one where we actually got an advertisement,
[24:33]um,
[24:34]resort up in Northern Minnesota.
[24:37]And so he asked if we could do an advertisement in the middle of it.
[24:39]And he asked each one of us to kind of riff something in the middle of it.
[24:43]And so this is,
[24:44]this,
[24:44]this one is titled,
[24:45]um,
[24:46]wife swap.
[24:48]And it's just a joke.
[24:50]Okay.
[24:50]It's not,
[24:51]I don't actually want a wife swap.
[24:52]It seems like a lot of work.
[24:53]All right.
[24:55]So here we go.
[24:56]Beck did it better.
[24:57]This is,
[24:58]this reminds me more of beach boys.
[25:01]I'm used to though.
[25:01]You know,
[25:02]I agree.
[25:03]Go to the beach in my hot rod.
[25:06]Yeah.
[25:06]Now this is not the beach boys.
[25:09]I'm used to either.
[25:10]None of these songs on this album.
[25:12]Is there one song about the beach?
[25:13]No,
[25:16]it's,
[25:16]it's false advertising,
[25:18]right?
[25:18]And really in the pandemic world,
[25:21]a lot of us are missing trips to the beach.
[25:23]Oh,
[25:24]but for those of you who are listening,
[25:26]who are living in the Midwest and don't want to take a flight to the coast to
[25:29]see Aaron out in Oakland,
[25:30]you still need that beach time.
[25:32]But Russ,
[25:33]what can we do about that?
[25:34]There,
[25:35]there can't be anywhere we can go where we could find a beach that we could
[25:38]relax on.
[25:38]There is actually Rob.
[25:40]It's great.
[25:41]You asked that.
[25:41]I want to recommend that you take your family trip to Cole's resort on big
[25:46]turtle Lake in Bemidji,
[25:47]Minnesota.
[25:48]Cole's resort is one of Minnesota's historic resorts and has been providing
[25:53]families with the chance to make a lifetime of memories.
[25:56]Since the 1960s goals resort has 20 cabins.
[26:00]And guess what,
[26:00]Rob,
[26:00]they have air conditioning and every single one of them.
[26:03]That's big.
[26:04]Now,
[26:05]what are some of your guys' favorite things to do at the beach?
[26:07]Aaron,
[26:07]when you go to the beach,
[26:08]what do you love to do?
[26:09]I love to paddleboard.
[26:11]You know what,
[26:12]Aaron,
[26:12]if you were to go to Cole's,
[26:13]you don't even have to pack your paddleboard.
[26:15]They have free paddleboards for you to use up there at the beach.
[26:18]Matt,
[26:19]what do you like to do at the beach?
[26:20]Well,
[26:21]you know,
[26:21]I'm not really a sand guy.
[26:22]I really like to kind of hang out on like a pontoon or a boat and just
[26:26]get out on the water.
[26:26]Matt,
[26:27]Matt Cole's resort up at Bemidji,
[26:29]Minnesota has boats and pontoons for your rental.
[26:32]All sorts for you.
[26:34]You don't even need them.
[26:34]You don't even need to hook up your trailer.
[26:36]You just go up there and they'll help you out.
[26:38]Rob,
[26:38]what do you love to do at the beach?
[26:39]I like to wife swap.
[26:41]And just this week only,
[26:42]if you're at Cole's resort and you say you're there for the wife swap,
[26:45]they'll give you 30% off.
[26:47]That's 30% off.
[26:48]Go up to the desk and say,
[26:49]I'm here for the wife swap.
[26:50]Rob,
[26:53]I also know that you love to be outside at the beach.
[26:56]But you don't want to get sunburned for,
[26:58]for those of you who sunburn easily,
[27:00]they've got an indoor pool.
[27:01]And for those of you who can't stand your kids and need to get away for a
[27:05]few hours,
[27:06]you can stop in at liar's lounge bar and restaurant for a drink.
[27:10]So when you get done listening to this album,
[27:14]you need some beach time and you need to get away from that wife swap,
[27:21]which you can't handle the second one either.
[27:23]Resort your cabinet,
[27:25]Cole's resort,
[27:26]in Bemidji,
[27:26]Minnesota.
[27:27]That's K O H L S resort.
[27:29]And tell the owners that Beck did it better.
[27:32]I'm sure.
[27:38]I'm sure the owners will be thrilled with the wife swap portion of this
[27:41]advertisement.
[27:42]Beck did it better.
[27:44]And I'm here for the wife swap.
[27:46]If they have somebody come up to them and say wife swap and they want a
[27:49]discount,
[27:50]we officially have the most successful podcast of all time.
[27:53]My life goal.
[27:54]I don't care if my kids,
[27:55]my kids start smoking meth and never go to college.
[27:58]If somebody goes to Cole's resort and goes up to the thing and says,
[28:01]I'm here for the wife swap,
[28:02]I will feel like my life has been worth it.
[28:05]Everything I've done has been leading up to that moment.
[28:10]Can you imagine Russ is scooping ice cream and drinking a hundred beers or
[28:15]whatever you did the other week and when you're up there and somebody comes
[28:18]in and goes,
[28:18]I'm here for the wife swap and Russ just immediately like Texas knows.
[28:21]I'm sure the owner would have no problem clicking on a button on a
[28:25]laptop of his and saying,
[28:27]Oh,
[28:28]we'll definitely give you that 12% discount for the wife.
[28:30]Yeah.
[28:31]Oh,
[28:31]that's cabin nine.
[28:32]All right.
[28:34]I just wasn't made for these times.
[28:37]Touchy feely Brian Wilson.
[28:41]I do love the song though.
[28:43]And it's not,
[28:43]it doesn't seem like it's that popular on the Amazon streaming.
[28:45]Aaron and Matt,
[28:47]one thing you guys were talking about earlier is how like this is kind of
[28:49]more cutting open a vein or getting personal than maybe a Beatles album.
[28:53]And I think you're right.
[28:53]If you're looking,
[28:54]it's like,
[28:54]he's just looking for a band.
[28:55]He's looking for a place to fit in.
[28:56]He's looking for where he belongs.
[28:58]Right.
[28:58]And aren't we all kind of looking for that to some extent?
[29:00]Yeah.
[29:01]And I don't think,
[29:02]I think the Beatles probably wrote about that,
[29:04]but not so directly the way Brian Wilson was willing to say,
[29:07]like,
[29:07]sometimes I feel very sad,
[29:08]which like is the literal most human emotion you could like communicate.
[29:13]And the Beatles were,
[29:15]I was like,
[29:15]talk the way around it.
[29:16]But Brian was like,
[29:17]I'm just going to say it.
[29:18]Can you imagine a band like kiss or like Motley Crue writing a song like
[29:22]this where they're like,
[29:23]sometimes I get sad.
[29:25]I don't know what to do.
[29:27]I would like to hear Motley Crue cover it.
[29:28]I'd love to hear Motley Crue cover this.
[29:30]So good.
[29:30]All right.
[29:32]We should talk about Motley Crue in one of these episodes.
[29:34]All right.
[29:34]Next one.
[29:35]Pet sounds.
[29:36]Is this the worst title track of any album in the top 10?
[29:40]Forever.
[29:42]Hello.
[29:46]This sounds like one of those,
[29:48]uh,
[29:48]like surf music instrumental,
[29:50]right?
[29:50]It is an instrumental.
[29:52]This,
[29:53]this was the one I talked about earlier where there are 20,
[29:55]22 instruments,
[29:56]52 musicians on this song.
[29:58]Wow.
[29:59]Oh,
[30:00]well,
[30:00]I don't even know 52 people that would want to talk to me,
[30:04]let alone that would play instruments in a small room with me.
[30:06]You could hire them.
[30:07]We haven't released this podcast yet.
[30:09]You could hire 52 people.
[30:11]Do you think that we definitely can once we get that,
[30:13]once we get that sponsorship money?
[30:15]Oh my God.
[30:15]Resort up in Bemidji,
[30:17]Minnesota.
[30:17]We'll be paying out so much in discounts though.
[30:20]Right.
[30:21]God dang wife swap.
[30:23]Russ,
[30:23]everybody's up here swapping wives.
[30:24]I'm broke.
[30:25]Cabin one,
[30:29]cabin four,
[30:30]cabin five,
[30:30]cabin 12,
[30:31]the upper level of the big cabin.
[30:33]Oh my God.
[30:34]The big cabin.
[30:35]That's just constant wife swapping.
[30:36]I'm not making any money.
[30:37]I put cabin five with cabin seven.
[30:40]Turns out they're actually married.
[30:41]Oh,
[30:44]they're mad at me too.
[30:45]The people were on the canoe.
[30:48]The people that using the kayaks are all swapping.
[30:51]I'm not making any money.
[30:52]So it was the concept of wife swap.
[30:55]Is that funny to you?
[30:55]Oh,
[30:56]I think it is kind of at a resort in Minnesota.
[30:59]This is tough sitting here and listening to this to you and then having people watch.
[31:04]This is tough to do.
[31:05]Forgot about the whole keys in the dish kind of thing.
[31:07]Okay.
[31:08]No,
[31:08]this is gone from funny to not funny.
[31:09]That was the seventies.
[31:10]No,
[31:10]we're not doing that.
[31:11]Okay.
[31:11]So moving on,
[31:12]this is flipped around and now I don't want to be here anymore.
[31:15]All right,
[31:16]we're going to do.
[31:17]So I,
[31:17]what I did with that is that I then turned that into a song.
[31:21]This is by an artist called Kanye West.
[31:22]Have you ever heard of Kanye West?
[31:24]Sure.
[31:24]Because he's related.
[31:25]He's related to Kim.
[31:26]Otherwise I wouldn't have.
[31:27]Yes.
[31:27]He was married to Kim Kardashian for a bit.
[31:29]So I,
[31:30]they,
[31:30]he had a song called all of these lights on his dark.
[31:33]This is off the,
[31:33]the episode that was dark twisted fantasy.
[31:36]And so this was the very first parody song I ever did after that thriller.
[31:40]The thriller was kind of a halfway.
[31:41]So I don't think,
[31:43]and I,
[31:43]and I did one about Russ selling knives.
[31:45]Cause he had a job selling knives.
[31:47]Did you ever know anybody that did that where they did the cut code knives?
[31:50]Definitely Matt,
[31:50]your brother-in-law.
[31:51]Oh,
[31:52]did he?
[31:52]Yeah.
[31:53]Was he,
[31:53]Suzanne,
[31:53]was he good at it?
[31:55]yeah,
[31:56]I bet he,
[31:56]no,
[31:56]he wasn't very good at it.
[31:58]He handed it to him with like,
[31:59]he was holding the knife part and they had the handle.
[32:02]He's like,
[32:02]ah,
[32:02]my hand.
[32:02]Or he hands it to him with an,
[32:04]they have the blade part and they cut their hands.
[32:06]That's the funnier part.
[32:06]I'm going to edit that.
[32:07]So it sounds funny,
[32:08]mom.
[32:08]Don't worry.
[32:08]That's what I do with this podcast.
[32:09]But I did one called all of these knives.
[32:12]And so this is,
[32:13]this is a,
[32:13]a one I did about wife swapping called all of these wives at it.
[32:17]What's up everybody.
[32:19]Welcome to K Rob K R O B.
[32:21]This next song is a hit song about when yours,
[32:25]truly went on a cruise and it turned out there was a buffet and some wife
[32:30]swapping action.
[32:31]Oh yeah.
[32:33]Here it is.
[32:34]All of them.
[32:35]Wives.
[32:36]I'm on a cruise.
[32:50]I'm with my spouse.
[32:52]Feel so good to get out the house.
[32:55]We meet some folks.
[32:57]We think they're nice.
[32:58]We're hanging out.
[33:00]I talk with the wife.
[33:02]Go back my room.
[33:03]Phone starts ringing.
[33:05]The folks are calling.
[33:07]Turns out big on swinging.
[33:08]Go to their room.
[33:10]His name is John.
[33:12]Lots of couples there.
[33:14]It turns out the swap is on.
[33:15]My wife,
[33:16]your wife,
[33:17]his wife,
[33:18]that wife.
[33:18]What a life.
[33:19]I'm disappointed.
[33:20]All of the wives.
[33:22]That life,
[33:24]your wife,
[33:24]my wife,
[33:25]my wife,
[33:25]his wife.
[33:26]I'm disappointed.
[33:27]Yeah.
[33:28]All of the wives.
[33:29]So what basically happens that we get a joke that we think is funny and then we do it.
[33:33]My wife is happy,
[33:34]but the rest of them cry.
[33:36]When you want to hear about it.
[33:39]So that was the Kanye West wife swap one.
[33:41]So now that's kind of,
[33:42]that's kind of Russ's section.
[33:44]I want to get to talking about Aaron.
[33:46]Okay.
[33:47]So Aaron is,
[33:48]he lives out in California.
[33:49]He was a vocal performance major and he's really,
[33:52]really into music.
[33:52]He's like the one guy who actually knows a lot about music.
[33:54]Like if you asked him who his favorite jazz drummer is,
[33:57]he'd have like five different answers for you.
[33:59]And he often talks about very boring things,
[34:01]but he also talks about things that are insane.
[34:04]He just says crazy things because he thinks that they're interesting.
[34:06]He lives in a very small house out in California.
[34:09]And so at some point I told him that I made the joke that he was really into
[34:17]people's feet,
[34:17]like a foot fetish.
[34:19]You know what I'm talking about?
[34:20]I know what you're talking about,
[34:21]but I don't want to.
[34:22]Okay.
[34:22]So yeah.
[34:23]So I made the joke that he was really into feet,
[34:24]he's not at all.
[34:25]But when that happens and it turns out that it's funny,
[34:28]then we do it over and over.
[34:29]So here's a song I made on the Aretha Franklin episode,
[34:32]which by the way,
[34:33]if you haven't heard that album,
[34:33]it's a great album.
[34:34]This is,
[34:35]um,
[34:35]this is,
[34:37]it's,
[34:37]it spells out P I C's of F W T's.
[34:41]And now here to sing America,
[34:48]the beautiful,
[34:50]the queen of soul.
[34:54]It's Aretha Franklin.
[34:57]This podcast is free.
[35:08]It don't cost no money.
[35:10]And Aaron laughs at things that are funny.
[35:14]After Aaron says,
[35:16]can you guys text to me?
[35:18]Yeah,
[35:19]baby.
[35:19]Text to me.
[35:21]Pictures to my phone.
[35:23]Just a little bit.
[35:24]Oh baby.
[35:25]Just a little bit.
[35:27]He wants P I C's of F W T's.
[35:29]He needs to see those pictures,
[35:31]please.
[35:31]P I C's of F W T's.
[35:33]Dirty feet of your wifey's,
[35:34]please.
[35:35]Just some feet.
[35:38]For Aaron's phone.
[35:40]Just a little bit.
[35:41]Just some feet.
[35:42]Just a little bit.
[35:43]For Aaron's phone.
[35:44]Just a little bit.
[35:45]So he can beat.
[35:46]Just a little bit.
[35:48]His little bone.
[35:49]Just a little bit.
[35:49]No,
[35:49]Russ,
[35:50]I don't,
[35:50]I don't like that you wrote that.
[35:52]Rear,
[35:53]rear,
[35:54]rear,
[35:54]rear,
[35:54]rear,
[35:55]rear,
[35:55]rear,
[35:56]rear,
[35:56]rear,
[35:56]rear,
[35:56]rear,
[35:56]rear,
[35:57]rear,
[35:57]rear,
[35:57]rear,
[35:57]rear,
[35:57]rear,
[35:57]rear,
[35:57]rear,
[35:57]rear,
[35:57]rear,
[35:57]rear,
[35:57]rear,
[35:57]rear,
[35:57]rear,
[35:58]rear,
[35:58]rear,
[35:58]rear,
[35:58]rear,
[35:58]rear,
[35:58]rear,
[35:58]rear,
[35:58]rear,
[35:58]rear,
[35:58]rear,
[35:58]rear,
[35:58]rear,
[35:58]rear,
[35:59]So then I wanted to,
[36:02]so one thing Aaron loves more than anything else is that Aaron has a job.
[36:05]I don't know what he does exactly.
[36:06]He's explained it to me a number of times.
[36:07]I have no idea,
[36:08]but he almost never is at work.
[36:10]Like he thinks a full day of work was like four hours,
[36:13]but he's got that kind of California lifestyle that I think we're so jealous of.
[36:16]Have you ever,
[36:17]have you ever thought about living in California?
[36:19]Do you think you could do that?
[36:19]I would love it.
[36:21]Really?
[36:22]Yes.
[36:22]All that driving around.
[36:24]Well,
[36:24]I don't know.
[36:25]I think I'd bike.
[36:26]Oh my God.
[36:28]That's so,
[36:28]that's so active of you,
[36:29]mom.
[36:29]So he lives out in Oakland and he lives in a very small house and he does some job.
[36:34]I don't know what it is,
[36:35]but basically every,
[36:36]every week he's like,
[36:37]yeah,
[36:38]I worked two hours today and then I went hiking for 10 hours or whatever.
[36:41]Like,
[36:41]I think he has a very good work life balance.
[36:43]Yes.
[36:43]Well,
[36:44]that's not even a balance.
[36:45]That's an imbalance.
[36:46]The other direction.
[36:47]Well,
[36:48]he's,
[36:48]he's mastered.
[36:49]He's kind of this,
[36:50]he's kind of the generation does do this.
[36:52]Now he's,
[36:53]he's going to talk about a hike in this.
[36:54]Now you used to take us hiking all the time growing up.
[36:57]What was that like hiking with three kids?
[36:59]I've tried hiking with my two girls.
[37:01]It's an absolute nightmare.
[37:02]How do you go hiking with three kids?
[37:03]Cause I remember every single Christmas picture we've ever had from us.
[37:06]Hiking is all of us frowning.
[37:08]That is,
[37:09]there was a lot of complaining,
[37:10]but on the whole,
[37:11]then finally,
[37:12]I don't know.
[37:13]I don't know.
[37:13]I don't know.
[37:13]I discovered the ranger program and I sent you out with the rangers.
[37:16]And as much as you didn't want to do stuff for me,
[37:19]you love being with those hiking rangers.
[37:21]That's always true.
[37:22]Isn't it?
[37:23]If you have kids,
[37:23]if you want to do it,
[37:24]they're like,
[37:24]no,
[37:24]absolutely not.
[37:25]But if you have somebody else teach them how to do it,
[37:27]right.
[37:28]I had to do that with Amelia skiing where I was like,
[37:29]well,
[37:29]I can ski.
[37:30]I can take Amelia skiing and teach her how absolute nightmare.
[37:32]But as soon as I took her to a private lesson,
[37:35]she loved it.
[37:35]And you know why,
[37:36]you know what the instructor had the whole time?
[37:37]Popsicles.
[37:38]Oh,
[37:39]I got skiing.
[37:39]They're so cold.
[37:40]No,
[37:40]she had peanut M and M's about every five seconds.
[37:43]She would reach up and like stuff went into her mouth and say,
[37:45]oh,
[37:45]you're doing a great job.
[37:46]Snow plowing and stuff like that.
[37:47]Genius.
[37:48]Yeah.
[37:49]Genius teacher.
[37:49]So Aaron is here.
[37:51]He's going to talk about hiking and going on a,
[37:54]on a trip.
[37:55]If you were going hiking mom,
[37:56]what kind of food would you pack?
[37:56]Like if you're just going on a day hike.
[37:58]Oh,
[37:58]maybe a sandwich,
[38:00]a little dried bars.
[38:03]Yeah.
[38:03]I think that sounds like a normal thing.
[38:05]Let's see what Aaron brought on his hike.
[38:06]By the way,
[38:07]I want to say this,
[38:08]right?
[38:08]We're talking about Rolling Stone,
[38:09]but when we ask them what they're doing,
[38:10]we say rolling,
[38:11]going at it.
[38:12]Do you think that's whoever came up with that?
[38:13]Do you think that's clever?
[38:14]Yeah.
[38:15]Yeah.
[38:16]Okay.
[38:16]I came up with that.
[38:17]All right,
[38:17]here we go.
[38:18]Rolling,
[38:19]going Aaron.
[38:19]How's it going with you?
[38:20]It's going great.
[38:22]It's a,
[38:22]it was a beautiful day today.
[38:23]I took the day off to go hiking with my lady.
[38:25]So I spent the day in the forest,
[38:27]but what I,
[38:29]what I want to talk about euphemism,
[38:30]what'd you get?
[38:31]What'd you guys do in the forest?
[38:32]What does that mean?
[38:33]We went hiking in the forest.
[38:34]Why would you say it like that?
[38:35]That's so dirty.
[38:36]Oh my God.
[38:37]My kids are listening to this.
[38:38]Stay above board.
[38:39]Stay above board.
[38:40]Anyway.
[38:42]Did you wear thick boots?
[38:43]You know damn well what happened in the forest, Aaron.
[38:46]Did you bring your walking stick?
[38:48]You know what I'm talking about.
[38:49]Don't leave him without it.
[38:52]Did you pack a picnic lunch?
[38:54]You don't want to talk about it.
[38:55]Come on now.
[38:56]We did it.
[38:57]Yeah, we had some cheese tortellini in one of our stainless steel containers.
[39:01]I mean, you know, if you ask me about food, it's going to happen.
[39:04]That's stainless steel.
[39:05]It was just hard.
[39:06]What did you eat it with?
[39:08]Okay, now wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
[39:09]We do have to pause here because I'm going to kick myself.
[39:11]There's occasions where I'm editing the podcast and I will listen to something Rosie says
[39:16]and I realize I didn't step in to make fun of him.
[39:17]And I have never not regretted that moment.
[39:20]So I do have to say this.
[39:21]You went hiking and you did pack a lunch.
[39:23]Correct.
[39:24]And the lunch you packed is cheese tortellini.
[39:26]Yes.
[39:27]Okay.
[39:27]That classic hiking treat.
[39:29]So how did you, did you just eat cold tortellini as you were hiking or what's going on here?
[39:35]I don't understand.
[39:36]No, we sat down.
[39:37]It was so, uh, so that's not what I asked really, but we, we, it was, it was easy because
[39:44]we could, uh, cook a bunch of tortellini this morning, put some of it in my son's lunch
[39:49]for school, pack the rest of it in our lunch, throw some cheese on there.
[39:54]No, wait, stop, stop, stop.
[39:55]Your son, like your three-year-old son brings tortellini as his school lunch.
[40:00]Yeah.
[40:01]He loves it.
[40:01]Matt, how often did you, there's no way like Matt showed up when he was a five-year-old
[40:07]who didn't have peanut butter and jelly and had cheese tortellini.
[40:10]It's just pasta with cheese in it.
[40:11]It's not that weird.
[40:12]No, no, no, no.
[40:12]There's no way other kids have cheese tortellini at lunch.
[40:15]There's always, there's always one of those kids.
[40:17]All right.
[40:18]Eddie, Eddie always comes home from his preschool and is like, Charlie had soup today.
[40:22]What?
[40:23]Like his parents sent like a thermos along with him.
[40:26]Like, oh man, that's, that's aggressive.
[40:28]So I do send a thermos with the girls to lunch because they want hot pasta.
[40:32]What am I supposed to do?
[40:33]I have to do what they want, right?
[40:34]Right.
[40:35]Did you, now I remember having hot lunch all the time.
[40:37]Growing up, which I didn't mind.
[40:38]I love the hot lunches there.
[40:39]I had like the Italian dunkers and stuff like that.
[40:41]Did you, did you ever pack lunches?
[40:43]Cause we're constantly packing lunches for the girls.
[40:44]Did I ever pack lunches?
[40:46]That's not what I meant.
[40:47]I knew you're maybe not for you, but your sisters did not go for the hot lunches.
[40:53]You were easy because they had French fries.
[40:55]You could spill the ketchup all over your shirt, but the girls had a little more high class
[41:00]approach to it.
[41:01]Yeah.
[41:01]That sounds, that sounds about right.
[41:04]That they would get everything and I would have to go to school and walk uphill both
[41:07]ways.
[41:07]Oh yeah.
[41:07]It was a real struggle.
[41:08]Yeah, exactly.
[41:09]Um, I do.
[41:10]I was, did I ever tell you I ran into Ms.
[41:12]Wright when I was teaching at Rochester?
[41:14]No.
[41:14]And I was, she was teaching and she said, oh yeah, I remember one time I duct taped
[41:17]you into your chair cause you wouldn't stop getting up and walking around.
[41:20]I was like in fifth grade.
[41:22]Sometimes I think about that when I have students who I'm like, this student doesn't stop talking
[41:25]and all he wants is attention.
[41:26]I just think of you and I'm like, oh yeah, that's, remember we'd go to conferences and
[41:31]cause I say this sometimes at conferences too.
[41:32]I say, well, your, your child is very social.
[41:34]Yeah.
[41:35]What does that mean?
[41:36]Yeah.
[41:37]It means you fool around a lot.
[41:39]Well, or, you know, maybe I'm working to become a famous podcaster.
[41:42]Right.
[41:42]So that, so Aaron loves to talk about what he eats.
[41:45]And so I put all those clips into a song and for the Carole King episode for her tapestry
[41:49]album.
[41:50]Ooh, I love that.
[41:51]Instead of, um, instead of, uh, how does it, uh, sometimes I feel like a natural woman.
[41:57]I did, uh, what's Aaron's meal.
[41:59]Got it.
[42:00]So this is some clips mixed in.
[42:04]I got the big sir melt.
[42:07]What I'm gonna say, which is a grilled cheese that has shrimp in it on this evening's podcast
[42:15]Tuesday of this week.
[42:17]I cooked a nine pound brisket.
[42:19]I've been thinking about it all day.
[42:25]Uh, we ate black eyed peas and collard greens.
[42:28]So that was good.
[42:28]I better think of something real fast.
[42:32]We did it.
[42:33]Yeah.
[42:33]We had some cheese turbanini in one of our, um, stainless steel.
[42:36]Yeah.
[42:36]Then I think about the stories and rolling goings from Aaron and I realized I can do
[42:45]just like him and do the absolute bare minimum.
[42:48]Like what's Aaron's meal?
[42:53]Like what's Aaron's meal?
[42:57]Like what's Aaron's meal that he made instead of working?
[43:05]Like what's Aaron's meal?
[43:06]But we made a big switch.
[43:08]Uh, about two weeks ago, we switched from, uh, veggie sausage to veggie ham.
[43:13]So those are the kind of things like every week we were supposed to bring one story and
[43:17]it's supposed to inspire a conversation, right?
[43:19]All of those were Aaron's stories about a grilled cheese and shrimp sandwich.
[43:23]Now earlier, Aaron referred to his wife as his lady.
[43:27]What do you think about that?
[43:28]That's okay.
[43:28]That's okay.
[43:31]Okay.
[43:31]Well, that blows my mind.
[43:32]Although I think it's quite close to the expression.
[43:36]The wife, the wife, that's, that's, you don't like it when it's just the wife is the wife
[43:42]is a little, uh, demeaning.
[43:44]Yeah.
[43:44]You don't ever hear people say the husband, but lady, I can live with it.
[43:47]You lady.
[43:48]Okay.
[43:48]That's interesting.
[43:49]That's good to know.
[43:49]All right.
[43:51]So now here's one that I wish I wouldn't have picked for this.
[43:53]This is when now Aaron, um, Aaron's, uh, brother called in.
[43:57]So we also have, I've set up a voicemail line for the show.
[44:00]I set up a Google voice number.
[44:01]People can call 802-277-BECK.
[44:05]And they can call.
[44:06]They can come into the podcast and tell us what they think.
[44:07]And we're just getting flooded with calls and texts all the time.
[44:10]It's crazy.
[44:10]I don't know what you get.
[44:11]It's absolutely crazy.
[44:12]This is a story about how Aaron was allergic, um, to a certain, uh, what is anise?
[44:18]Is it an herb or is it a, is it a herb or a spice?
[44:23]I'm not sure.
[44:24]It's a licorice tasting.
[44:26]Oh, it's terrible.
[44:27]What is it?
[44:27]What's the main food that anise is in?
[44:29]Cause he, he's making pho in this, like the Vietnamese soup.
[44:34]Oh, but I don't know what it is.
[44:36]I don't know what it's normally in it.
[44:37]Cause I, I avoided all costs.
[44:38]That's higher, higher level than I go for.
[44:41]Yeah.
[44:41]Well, that's like when Jenny wants snacks around the house that nobody's going to eat.
[44:43]She buys black jelly beans because she knows that none of us are going to eat it.
[44:46]Do you like black jelly beans?
[44:47]Do you like black licorice?
[44:48]No, no, no.
[44:48]I can't stand it.
[44:49]No, it's disgusting.
[44:50]You're right.
[44:50]Um, so this is a joke.
[44:53]Uh, I, the, the joke here is, is embarrassing.
[44:57]I'm just going to say that right now.
[44:58]And it's not me.
[44:59]I can live with it.
[45:00]I just won't look your way.
[45:01]Okay.
[45:01]So this is from our Amy Winehouse back to black episode.
[45:06]And let's get right to our voicemail.
[45:07]Kiss my ass.
[45:08]Dumb shit listeners.
[45:10]They can't even tell what we're doing.
[45:11]No, they're back.
[45:12]They're just the dumbest of the dumb.
[45:14]Hey gentlemen, this is a close personal relative of Aaron's.
[45:21]I felt compelled to call in.
[45:23]I was texting Aaron yesterday, trying to identify one of the ingredients in the Vietnamese noodle soup pho.
[45:30]Uh, he identified the ingredient as anise, uh, actually star anise.
[45:34]And then he proceeded to tell me that.
[45:36]He's allergic to anise, uh, which means he can't eat anise.
[45:46]Um, so, you know, just wanted to let you guys know that Aaron did tell me that his face gets all red, itchy, and blotchy anytime he eats anise.
[45:54]You gotta shave beforehand, Aaron.
[45:57]What the fuck?
[46:00]You gotta watch out for pink eye, dude.
[46:06]So, you know, while the rest of us are out enjoying anise eating season, not worrying about it, you know, Aaron actually cannot eat anise.
[46:13]And so.
[46:13]Aaron's rolling going is completely what the fucker-ing right now.
[46:19]The pregnant pauses are great.
[46:23]I've never heard Rob be this silent on the podcast.
[46:26]There's no way we've ever gotten 18 seconds without Rob.
[46:29]I've got to admit, I laughed about this for about 10 minutes when I heard it the first time.
[46:33]So it's kind of not funny to me anymore.
[46:36]I don't know.
[46:36]I don't know.
[46:36]In fact, I don't think there is an anise eating season.
[46:39]Like, I also don't enjoy anise, Aaron.
[46:41]I'm not allergic to it.
[46:42]I don't like it.
[46:43]But I've always thought maybe I just tried the wrong anise, you know, because it always, to me, that anise always tastes like black licorice.
[46:50]And I'm wondering if maybe it's prepared a different way.
[46:52]Maybe I'd like anise more.
[46:53]I don't know.
[46:53]Let's keep listening.
[46:53]So I just thought that it was good information for you guys to have.
[46:57]Love the podcast.
[46:58]You know, happy to be able to call in and let you know that Aaron is unable to eat anise due to an allergy.
[47:06]Uh, which, which players up when he eats anise.
[47:09]Thanks for everything, guys.
[47:10]You really need to get that checked out, Aaron.
[47:12]The, uh, the, the truth of the matter is I, he's, I, he, the, the, the caller is trying to set me up for this.
[47:20]What?
[47:21]But I'm going to go with it.
[47:23]Eating anise.
[47:24]I can eat anise.
[47:26]I can't cook it.
[47:27]The thing that happened is that we tried cooking food at home.
[47:31]Yeah.
[47:32]And when.
[47:32]No kink shaming.
[47:33]Rule number one.
[47:36]That's true.
[47:36]We did have a written agreement.
[47:37]There would be no kink shaming on this podcast.
[47:39]That in my relationship, in my marriage, we tried anise too.
[47:43]And it did turn out that the cook was too big.
[47:45]So, I don't know.
[47:50]Maybe you need to add some more.
[47:51]I don't know.
[47:52]Olive oil or something.
[47:53]Maybe that'll help.
[47:54]That'll help with your anise.
[47:55]Is that a possibility?
[47:58]Yeah.
[48:03]The truth of the matter is that Aaron, it could have been something you were eating.
[48:06]With the anise.
[48:06]Yeah.
[48:07]The anise that gave you the reaction.
[48:10]Latex or something.
[48:11]I'm not.
[48:12]Yeah.
[48:12]It's been a while now since I tried.
[48:14]But again, it was more that in cooking it, my face turned all red and blotchy.
[48:21]And I even had to douse my face in milk to try to fix it.
[48:24]Side note.
[48:25]My son thinks this is a hilarious story.
[48:28]I'm sure he does.
[48:28]I'm sure he does.
[48:29]Yeah.
[48:30]He really thinks that's funny.
[48:31]That's good.
[48:33]You know, he's one of our top listeners, actually.
[48:35]I think.
[48:36]He might have sent in that voicemail, actually.
[48:37]I cut out that part at the beginning where he said, I've actually earned son.
[48:40]And again, I cannot remember the name of your kid.
[48:42]So that's not going to affect the joke at all.
[48:45]But so.
[48:46]So shut up for a second.
[48:48]First of all, that is very funny.
[48:49]That voicemail was very good.
[48:50]Second of all.
[48:52]That's one of our better voicemails ever.
[48:52]I'm not letting you just go by by saying you doused your face in milk.
[48:55]And then I'm not going to talk about that.
[48:56]So what exactly do you mean you doused your face in milk?
[48:58]Did you pour milk on your face or did you make a bowl full of milk and then put your face into it or what?
[49:04]Yeah, I think I made a bowl full and dunked it.
[49:06]And so, yeah, we tried to make pho at home.
[49:07]Now, why did you do that?
[49:08]That's a very dumb thing to do.
[49:09]Why did you do that?
[49:10]Because my face felt terrible.
[49:11]We tried to make pho at home, which I don't recommend.
[49:14]Like, just go out to eat pho.
[49:15]Don't try to make it at home.
[49:17]No, and I love, to be honest, I love pho.
[49:20]Me too.
[49:21]I think it's so good.
[49:22]It's delicious.
[49:23]You probably don't need to go out to have the anise, though, do you?
[49:26]You can probably just stay at home for that.
[49:27]No, you can stay at home for that.
[49:29]And it depends if it's not very good at home.
[49:31]You got to get out.
[49:33]Yeah.
[49:33]Well, Aaron doesn't like the pho.
[49:36]He doesn't like pho at home, so he gets to pho out and about.
[49:37]That's where he finds he can't eat anise.
[49:40]Something about the fumes cooking it in the air made my face all, like,
[49:45]I didn't know what the fuck I had.
[49:48]I was trying to figure out how to cool the burning sensation on my face.
[49:52]So this anise is spicy, is what you're saying.
[49:56]Yeah, very spicy.
[49:57]Yeah.
[49:57]Would you say you had some hot anise action?
[50:01]Next time, you better stick with that cheese.
[50:06]Tordellini on those hikes.
[50:07]Yeah, that would have been a better move.
[50:09]Yeah, that would have been a much better move.
[50:10]Do you have, like, a visceral reaction every time you see some anise?
[50:13]Is this, like, a problem when you're out in public?
[50:17]I think you should add some anise to those cheese Tordellini hikes.
[50:19]I mean, spice it up a little bit.
[50:21]Variety is the spice of life, Rob.
[50:25]I do, you know, all these very dumb jokes aside, which I saw coming from about noon today.
[50:29]And by the way, that's the best voicemail we've ever gotten.
[50:32]Sorry, all of Matt's friends.
[50:35]Although I would like to, actually, I would, if one of Matt's friends could actually call in and do that same call, but with the accent, I think it would be very.
[50:42]With the Duluth accent?
[50:43]Yeah, be like, oh, yeah, oh, yeah.
[50:45]Just to let you know, Aaron can't eat anise.
[50:47]He gets all red and blotchy, yeah?
[50:50]But I do have to say, like, I like the idea that you think that your rashy face is, like, eating too much salsa and you have to eat milk.
[50:59]You have to pour milk.
[51:00]Do you just pour milk over anything that, like, hurts or what?
[51:02]I was at a loss, man.
[51:04]I didn't know.
[51:04]I didn't know what to do.
[51:05]We didn't have anything else in the house.
[51:07]But, like, in all reality, like, water doesn't work, like, on spices.
[51:11]Like, if you eat wings that are too hot and stuff, you don't drink water.
[51:14]You drink milk.
[51:14]Right.
[51:15]So is that what we were thinking?
[51:16]Yeah.
[51:17]Yeah, and if I get a bug bite and it hurts really bad, I pour milk all over it.
[51:20]Like, it makes total sense to me.
[51:21]I get it.
[51:21]Do you guys remember that show, Man vs. Food, where he would eat, like, the really big meals or the really hot stuff?
[51:27]Yeah.
[51:27]Maybe Aaron should have a new TV show where it's Aaron vs. Anise.
[51:31]And it's just Aaron, like, every episode is Aaron eating anise in a different part of the show.
[51:35]In a different part of the world.
[51:36]I like that.
[51:37]Different anise after different anise.
[51:39]I think that's a great idea.
[51:40]And I, you know what?
[51:42]And I didn't even say anything about being star anise.
[51:44]So I'm pretty happy with that.
[51:45]I'm pretty proud of myself.
[51:46]It's really kudos to everyone involved.
[51:49]Really just wonderful.
[51:50]Thank you.
[51:50]We showed great restraint.
[51:52]Did you ever, oh, I'm going to be quiet.
[51:54]I'll have to tell Rob to delete it anyways.
[51:56]Move along.
[51:56]Okay.
[51:58]So, first of all, I just want to explain to everybody the setup here.
[52:02]I'm recording this with my mom sitting next door at the cabin.
[52:05]My family is on a Zoom watching us listen to this,
[52:09]which I can't imagine they don't have anything better to do.
[52:11]But I am trying not to laugh at all my own jokes.
[52:13]And it's really hard because some of them do make me laugh.
[52:15]I did get a text, though, from a family member.
[52:18]And they wanted to know, do you get the double entendre there?
[52:20]In that last one.
[52:22]Of the anise?
[52:23]Yeah.
[52:24]Not really.
[52:24]No.
[52:25]I think it's anus.
[52:26]It sounds a lot like anus.
[52:28]I guess that just passes me by even after explanation.
[52:34]Okay, good.
[52:35]That's good.
[52:35]Great.
[52:36]So, I do want to crawl into a hole and die right now.
[52:38]I think that's probably, that would be the number one thing I want to do.
[52:40]So, thank you to the caller who sent in that text.
[52:42]I do appreciate it.
[52:43]All right.
[52:45]Thanks, Suzanne.
[52:46]No, it could be anybody.
[52:47]So, here's the thing.
[52:49]Is that Aaron did, so that was Aaron's brother.
[52:52]And Aaron's brother still lives in Iowa where Aaron grew up.
[52:56]And so, Aaron had to, or got to, I should say,
[53:01]in the middle of kind of the pandemic, Aaron's brother decided to go
[53:05]through with the wedding.
[53:06]That was a choice that he made.
[53:07]And so, Aaron went to the wedding.
[53:08]It was a big discussion we had about, you know, whether you go to the wedding.
[53:11]He's got a child at home and the child's in a pod for school.
[53:14]So, they want to make sure it was as safe as possible.
[53:16]So, Aaron's solution was to go to the wedding.
[53:19]And then when he came home, he was going to quarantine.
[53:21]But the house is so small that guess where he had to quarantine?
[53:24]The bathroom?
[53:25]Well, no, that's a great guess though.
[53:27]But he actually had to quarantine the same place he records, which is his garage.
[53:31]Got it.
[53:32]So, he had to sleep in a tent in the garage for one week.
[53:35]Okay.
[53:36]Now, there is this garage sleeping story with you.
[53:39]Oh, yes.
[53:41]What was that story with the sleeping in the garage?
[53:43]Well, it was not my fault.
[53:46]I refuse to tell the story.
[53:48]You know what?
[53:48]As a parent, I don't think it was a bad decision.
[53:50]I would be upset too.
[53:51]Robert did something that annoyed me so much.
[53:54]He said he'd turned in a paper, promised me he'd turned it in.
[53:57]Yeah.
[53:57]And all of a sudden, at about three in the morning, I opened up his backpack and there it was.
[54:02]So, step one, three in the morning, question mark.
[54:04]I was really annoyed with it.
[54:05]Well, it was maybe 11 o'clock and really annoyed.
[54:09]And so, I was so mad at him that I put him out in the garage and closed the door and turned the light off.
[54:15]And what month was this in Minnesota?
[54:16]Yeah, maybe November.
[54:19]Oh, no.
[54:20]Like December.
[54:21]And you know what my punishment is for that forever and ever?
[54:24]Calling human services?
[54:26]No, I'm now a seventh grade science teacher.
[54:28]And you know what students tell me all the time?
[54:29]Their parents lock them in the garage?
[54:31]No, nobody is actually.
[54:35]Nobody ever said that to me.
[54:36]But they say all the time, they say, oh, yeah, I turned that in.
[54:39]You must have lost it.
[54:40]So, they switch it around on me.
[54:42]And you know what I think when they say that?
[54:43]For a millisecond?
[54:44]Maybe I did lose it.
[54:46]You think for a millisecond.
[54:47]Do you have a garage?
[54:49]It's in my bag.
[54:50]But see, I do think part of the problem was I did have a diaper bag for a backpack.
[54:54]And I would just stuff everything in the folders.
[54:56]That's just bullshit.
[54:57]No.
[54:57]No, we got to beat that up.
[54:59]So, here's the thing is that now what I do.
[55:01]You would be so impressed with how hard I've worked on my organization from that.
[55:05]So, I've actually learned.
[55:05]And now, do you know how much stuff I've ever lost?
[55:07]Zero of students.
[55:09]And I'm very proud of that fact.
[55:10]Yeah, that is true.
[55:11]Once you're a teacher who loses stuff, you get that reputation forever.
[55:14]And so, I think that sleeping in that garage taught me a great lesson.
[55:16]But this isn't about me, ma'am.
[55:17]Okay.
[55:17]This podcast is not about me.
[55:18]It's about the shared community with the guys.
[55:20]So, this is Aaron sleeping, talking to us about having to sleep in a tent in his garage.
[55:25]Now, the funny part is that he doesn't have a garage that can close from the inside.
[55:29]So, his wife has to close him in.
[55:31]Okay.
[55:35]No swapping?
[55:36]No swapping?
[55:37]No, please don't say swapping to me.
[55:39]That I really don't like.
[55:40]The other thing is, oh, there's a joke here that one time I was talking to Aaron about
[55:46]heating something up in the microwave and he says he doesn't own a microwave.
[55:49]Wow.
[55:50]But that's just who Aaron is.
[55:51]Are you kind of getting a good idea of who Aaron is?
[55:53]Yeah, right.
[55:53]I understand the type of person he is.
[55:56]Yeah, exactly.
[55:56]So, this is the Aaron in the tent.
[55:58]He's California.
[55:59]He's straight Iowa to California.
[56:02]He's very, very California.
[56:03]So, let's check this out.
[56:04]Aaron in the tent.
[56:05]From our Purple Rain episode.
[56:06]One of our best, by the way.
[56:08]Nice work.
[56:09]How's it going, Rosie?
[56:10]How's it going?
[56:11]It's rolling.
[56:12]It's rolling.
[56:13]Going good.
[56:15]It's going differently than it's ever been.
[56:18]I killed the whole podcast.
[56:20]I'm coming to you live from my podcast studio, which is currently also my house.
[56:28]I'm living in the garage this week.
[56:31]I had the honor to travel.
[56:33]Is the rat there with you or not?
[56:34]Yeah.
[56:34]Yeah.
[56:35]So, that's a funny story.
[56:36]I can hear the rats at night.
[56:37]Yep.
[56:41]I hear them scrambling around in the nighttime.
[56:43]You got to trim that ivy, man.
[56:44]Trim that ivy.
[56:44]Trim that ivy, yeah.
[56:45]On Sunday night, it was a hellacious windstorm, so I couldn't hear the rats.
[56:50]But last night, I heard them pretty well.
[56:51]Yes, I had the honor of traveling to Iowa for one of our best listeners' wedding.
[56:59]And that was a wonderful time.
[57:01]So, my family.
[57:01]But I did see, I left my usual bubble.
[57:04]So, I'm cool.
[57:05]I'm quarantining in the garage.
[57:07]And I think the most interesting part about that is that my garage, I mean, as you guys
[57:12]can imagine, I don't live in like a typical, you know, house.
[57:16]So, our garage does not have an automatic door.
[57:19]It has a manual door that slides and only closes with a padlock.
[57:22]So, my wife locks me in the garage.
[57:26]Oh, no.
[57:26]No.
[57:27]I don't even want to hear this at all.
[57:28]This seems like a fire hazard.
[57:29]This is bad.
[57:30]I don't even want to know this right now.
[57:32]This is terrible.
[57:33]You have a door?
[57:33]You have a door on your...
[57:35]I would never trust my wife to lock me in a garage and then later come let me out.
[57:39]Do you, like, tell a friend how to get you out just in case?
[57:41]Oh, my God.
[57:42]I go out the window.
[57:43]So, our backyard is locked.
[57:46]And, like, there's a gate to our backyard that's locked.
[57:48]So, then I hop out the window.
[57:50]So, like, when I have to go to the bathroom at night, I just hop out the window and go
[57:53]in the backyard.
[57:54]It's like the reverse of that Beatles song.
[57:56]That rat's looking at you like, what the hell are you doing, man?
[57:58]Instead of coming in the bathroom window, you're going out the window to go to the bathroom.
[58:01]It's a whole switcheroo.
[58:02]I know.
[58:03]But I will say...
[58:04]It's been...
[58:05]It's not opposite day.
[58:07]Yeah.
[58:08]So, I'm here at least until Friday when I get a COVID test that hopefully comes back
[58:12]negative and then I'll be back.
[58:13]Or Sunday if your wife decides to give you a little more punishment, you sick freak.
[58:16]Aaron, the real question is, is how many microwaves do you have hit out there and how many bags
[58:21]of microwave popcorn are popping right now?
[58:23]I mean, I would have those things rolling right now.
[58:28]No, he puts the microwave, he puts it right into a thing of plastic and microwaves that
[58:31]and he's like, yeah, I can do what I want out here.
[58:32]It's a man cave.
[58:34]I could just picture his wife just pulling that door down and just locking that locket,
[58:41]just walking away with the biggest cheesing grin.
[58:44]He's fucking gone all night.
[58:47]Freeze.
[58:47]Free at last.
[58:49]Free at last.
[58:50]So, do you have like an hour left?
[58:51]Does she have to lock you in at like 6 p.m. or how long do you have to be in there for?
[58:55]I mean, she usually locks me in about 9.
[58:58]Tonight, she locked me in early because I wasn't here doing the podcast.
[59:00]This seems like a bad episode of that Desperate Housewives show or whatever that was back in the day.
[59:04]And then I have a tent set up in here so the rats don't get into the tent.
[59:10]And then I got the air mattress in the tent.
[59:11]Last night, I listened to a podcast while I was going to sleep.
[59:16]Michelle and Degue Ocello on Heat Rocks talking about Purple Rain.
[59:19]So, that was wonderful.
[59:20]And yeah, you know, we're living.
[59:23]I got a lot of snacks out here.
[59:24]It's pretty good.
[59:25]Okay, shut up.
[59:26]We're still talking about you being locked in the garage by your wife.
[59:29]And then you're talking about how this is just like a normal.
[59:32]Okay, so then what I asked you to do was,
[59:34]I asked Aaron to do is that he was in the garage for a week.
[59:36]So, he was going to be kind of bored, right?
[59:38]So, I asked him to make an audio diary of his time in the garage.
[59:42]Okay, so here's an audio diary.
[59:44]I do, I want to tell you, I did get to see the window he had to leave to go to the bathroom.
[59:48]And it was above his waist level.
[59:49]So, you can imagine him kind of going like head first and then having to twist around.
[59:52]I did just recently get a text from an audience member.
[59:55]Would you ever let dad lock you in the garage?
[59:59]I don't think so.
[60:01]That would be, you wouldn't trust him?
[60:04]Well.
[60:04]Well, I would be a little worried about the return.
[60:06]That's what I was thinking too.
[60:09]It doesn't seem safe at all.
[60:10]All right.
[60:11]So, let's do the tent diary.
[60:13]And I'm just going to warn you right now.
[60:14]The word erection comes up a lot.
[60:16]Okay.
[60:16]So, I.
[60:16]I can live with it.
[60:17]Oh, no.
[60:18]That's the answer I didn't want to hear.
[60:20]Okay.
[60:21]So, let's go.
[60:21]Speaking of that, let's get into my rolling going for today.
[60:25]All I want to talk about is Aaron in the garage.
[60:28]So, Aaron is.
[60:29]Aaron has.
[60:30]My rolling going is Aaron's in the garage.
[60:31]Yeah.
[60:32]So, I had, you know, I had so much cool stuff.
[60:34]I had so much cool stuff going on in my life.
[60:35]But this is all I talked about.
[60:36]I've talked about this with my wife for like hours and hours.
[60:38]She doesn't want to hear about it anymore.
[60:39]I just tell her the stories over and over.
[60:41]So, Aaron went to a wedding.
[60:44]So, he is now quarantining himself for a week out in his garage.
[60:47]We talked about it in the last episode.
[60:49]If you haven't heard it, go pause, rewind it.
[60:51]He has to go out and go to the bathroom at night outside.
[60:54]It's true.
[60:55]Out a window that is above his waist.
[60:58]It's true.
[60:58]He sleeps on an air mattress in a tent.
[61:00]And it turns out there are quite a few rats in the garage with him.
[61:04]But his wife locks him in every night.
[61:06]And he has to be locked in from outside.
[61:08]So, yes, his wife does lock him in.
[61:09]Aaron actually sent a video.
[61:11]Matt and Rob, I don't know if you saw this.
[61:12]His wife sent the video tonight of them walking out there.
[61:15]And I think he had a bottle of wine or something.
[61:16]But she's like literally going through this like speech about now she's going to lock the door and lock him in there.
[61:21]It felt very Green Mile-ish to me tonight.
[61:24]I was distracted by the video.
[61:25]I was distracted by the video because Aaron, when she was like, it's time to lock you in the garage, Aaron had a rock-hard erection.
[61:34]I don't think that's the point of this.
[61:35]Like, sick.
[61:37]But anyway, after the last recording, I basically forced Aaron to make an audio diary of his.
[61:45]And I have gone through and I have listened to them probably a hundred times, each time giving me more enjoyment than the last.
[61:50]And I have put together a highlight clip of Aaron outside.
[61:54]So let's listen as Aaron slowly loses his mind.
[61:56]So we started when?
[61:57]We started on Tuesday.
[61:58]Well, he'll describe it.
[61:59]All right.
[62:01]This is Trapped in a Tent, I guess.
[62:04]This is volume one.
[62:04]It's 1027.
[62:06]Nobody's there with you.
[62:07]Why are you so quiet?
[62:08]Yeah, I just want to wake up the rats.
[62:09]I just finished recording an episode of Beck Did It Better.
[62:11]So this is Tuesday.
[62:12]Zipped myself into my tent here.
[62:15]I'm going to read a couple chapters from Herbie Murakami's Hard Bowl 101 and the End of the World.
[62:21]It's not just for the podcast.
[62:23]He's like this in real life.
[62:24]And hopefully I'll have to wake up before about six tomorrow morning.
[62:26]So that's it for now.
[62:28]I realized Aaron just talked about some weird book that no one's ever heard of.
[62:31]So whether he's on the podcast or just like rambling.
[62:34]No, guys, we don't have time for this.
[62:36]We have 14 of these to get through.
[62:38]Here we go.
[62:38]Watch this.
[62:38]Oh, by the way, I'm going to say this.
[62:41]I'm going to play all these in a row at the end of the podcast.
[62:44]At the end of the podcast, we're going to play all these in a row.
[62:46]So if you want to hear all these in a row in here, Aaron slowly loses his mind.
[62:49]Listen to the end of the podcast.
[62:50]It's great.
[62:51]So here we go.
[62:52]Got a couple more here.
[62:53]I picked the highlights.
[62:53]Trapped in a Tent, volume two.
[62:55]It's 7 a.m.
[62:57]And why are you whispering?
[62:58]He's not asleep.
[62:58]This is Wednesday morning.
[63:00]This is what I sound like.
[63:01]Wes is going to yell at him, keep it down out there.
[63:02]I think one trip into the yard to use the facilities, around 1220.
[63:12]I heard some critter action in the garage around 540.
[63:16]Aaron has two concerns in the garage.
[63:19]Going to the bathroom and critters.
[63:21]Did I hear that right?
[63:24]Does Aaron have a white noise machine in his garage?
[63:27]Oh, I'm sure.
[63:28]You have a white noise machine in your garage?
[63:30]I use the white noise app on the phone.
[63:31]I use the white noise app on the phone.
[63:32]I use the white noise app on his phone.
[63:33]All right, moving on.
[63:35]I'll jump into number six.
[63:36]Trapped in a tent, volume six.
[63:37]It's almost 7 p.m.
[63:39]I've been out and about in the neighborhood with my mask on.
[63:43]While my son rode his scooter, so I got to see the light of day a bit.
[63:47]That was nice.
[63:47]This is the awkward part of the night where I'm not going in the house to put Wallace to bed.
[63:53]So my wife is entirely on that duty by herself.
[63:57]He took a nap today at school, so that means bedtime.
[64:00]That's the worst.
[64:01]That's bad.
[64:02]That's bad.
[64:02]That's bad.
[64:02]And I'm going to sit awkwardly on the porch until she can come out and drink a beer with
[64:06]me and hope it doesn't last too long.
[64:08]Bedtime, that is.
[64:09]And I'll report back when it's time to lock me in my cave.
[64:14]If this ends with Aaron doing the, I'm so scared from the Blair Witch Project, we got
[64:23]to turn this off.
[64:24]I can't handle it.
[64:25]Barron's crying in the corner.
[64:26]Now we have one I just wrote critters next to it.
[64:28]All right.
[64:31]Trapped in a tent.
[64:32]I think this is volume seven.
[64:34]This is a wrap for Wednesday.
[64:36]It's 10 p.m.
[64:37]This is one day.
[64:38]He's done seven.
[64:39]I do have an air mattress in the tent.
[64:40]It's pretty luxurious in there.
[64:41]So I'm going to hop in there.
[64:43]Took myself in.
[64:44]I had a little nightcap on the porch with my lady.
[64:46]Drank a Mr. October.
[64:48]What we shared.
[64:49]Splitsies.
[64:50]Not from the same can.
[64:52]Of course not.
[64:53]Mr. October, a double AIPA from Penthouse Brewing.
[64:57]That's the most Aaron statement is where he's got to go into it.
[65:00]He's luscious.
[65:01]And yeah.
[65:02]I think I'm going to call it a night.
[65:03]I heard some critter activity happening around seven when I was out here
[65:08]folding some laundry.
[65:09]T-shirts say critter activity or critter action.
[65:12]And then I'll probably hear them when they come home around 530 in the
[65:15]morning.
[65:15]I'm pretty sure I heard some coyotes outside too.
[65:18]Oh, no.
[65:18]Far away.
[65:20]But I guess that's probably going to drive the rats inside.
[65:22]Anyway, hope you have a good night of sleep.
[65:24]And I'll catch up with everybody in the morning.
[65:26]All right.
[65:27]Next one.
[65:28]I'll edit these a little bit.
[65:29]We'll see.
[65:29]Tent volume nine, 337 p.m.
[65:31]On Thursday.
[65:32]Thursday.
[65:32]Made a quick trip inside to pick up some tools for my weekly chicken.
[65:40]And the lady was inside the house laughing to herself.
[65:44]Turns out she was listening to Beck Did It Better.
[65:47]Yeah.
[65:47]I think she mostly liked the Emerson parts, though.
[65:50]But anyway.
[65:51]What the hell?
[65:52]Never having him on again.
[65:54]All right.
[65:55]Make her live in the garage for a while.
[65:56]All right.
[65:57]So now at this point, Aaron ran into a little problem because his wife went to bed early.
[66:00]So how is Aaron going to solve this problem?
[66:02]But his one kink of getting locked into the garage by the wife isn't going to happen.
[66:07]Let's see.
[66:08]Trapped in a tent.
[66:10]Volume 10.
[66:11]Sad story tonight, everyone.
[66:12]I had to lock myself in the garage.
[66:15]My lady went to bed early.
[66:17]I came in here by myself.
[66:19]I had to do some shenanigans to lock the garage, climb out the window, go back in the house,
[66:26]get my stuff, come back out, lock up some stuff in the house, come back in the window.
[66:30]So I locked myself in tonight.
[66:32]But I'm settling in to do a little bit of reading, maybe listen to some music, try to
[66:38]get some sleep.
[66:38]I heard the rat saying goodnight about 15 minutes ago.
[66:41]If I heard a rat, I could not just say, oh, it's time for me to go to sleep.
[66:47]That would not be.
[66:47]Hope everybody else has a great night.
[66:49]All right.
[66:49]Last one.
[66:50]Last one.
[66:51]And this is the one I just marked losing his mind.
[66:53]So now we have gone from Tuesday to Saturday.
[66:55]So this was Saturday night.
[66:56]This is the last mark.
[66:58]The full character in our tent.
[66:59]Lucky number 13.
[67:00]He's talking normal now.
[67:02]I don't know.
[67:02]I realized this morning that Blood on the Tracks is great breakfast making music.
[67:08]He's lost his mind.
[67:09]It's the best morning album we've heard yet.
[67:11]I also had a distressing conversation yesterday where my wife noticed that the spot I've been
[67:19]using for the bathroom in the yard is starting to smell real bad.
[67:22]And it turns out I should have been spreading it around the yard.
[67:26]That's something new.
[67:29]What a bush.
[67:31]It could have been a critter.
[67:32]It could have been.
[67:32]It could have been a critter for the yard.
[67:33]You just go in the middle of the yard, you find a bush.
[67:35]My wife is going, okay, I took my COVID test yesterday.
[67:37]I'm going to get those results back soon.
[67:39]And maybe move back in the house.
[67:41]Nope.
[67:42]Hoping.
[67:43]Test unreliable.
[67:44]Stay in the garage.
[67:45]As much as I care about Aaron's health, I don't know if I've ever wished for a positive
[67:49]COVID test more in my life.
[67:50]Because like three more weeks of this would be fantastic.
[67:53]We would record every day.
[67:56]I would make Aaron continue with this diary.
[67:57]I might make Aaron continue with the diary even if he moves back in.
[68:01]I get such a kick out of it.
[68:02]I was listening to you.
[68:02]I was listening to this in front of my family.
[68:03]And they're like, what the hell are you listening to?
[68:04]I was like, I don't have time to explain.
[68:06]This is Aaron's audio diary.
[68:08]So, Mom, that was Aaron being trapped in the garage.
[68:13]Now, if you notice, a lot of the times when I'm telling jokes on the podcast, you're hearing
[68:16]me laugh in real life.
[68:18]Is that something I've always done growing up?
[68:19]Laugh at my own jokes?
[68:20]Definitely.
[68:21]No question.
[68:24]But how can you not?
[68:24]Some of them are.
[68:25]I remember once you said to me, not everything is a joke.
[68:28]It is true.
[68:30]I probably, what I said.
[68:31]I still think that's one of the.
[68:32]It's one of the funniest things of all time.
[68:33]And you know what I recently found myself saying about one of my kids?
[68:36]Everything's not a joke.
[68:38]Yeah.
[68:38]I said, oh, they just make jokes and they're trying to figure out what's funny and what's
[68:41]not.
[68:41]But, you know, sometimes they push it too far.
[68:42]And then I thought I just had a flashback to myself.
[68:44]I was like, oh, that's all parenting is, though.
[68:47]It seems like over and over.
[68:48]Right.
[68:48]So we're getting out of the Aaron segment.
[68:49]As much as I love Aaron, we're getting out of the Aaron segment.
[68:52]So I have made a song making fun of Aaron where I've collected all the silly things that Aaron
[68:56]has said over the podcast.
[68:57]Okay.
[68:57]This is from the Velvet Underground episode where we did a Velvet Underground and this
[69:01]is Waiting for You.
[69:02]This is Waiting for the Man.
[69:02]This is Waiting for Aaron.
[69:04]Do you remember when I used to do little radio shows on my tapes and stuff?
[69:08]Yes, I do.
[69:08]You were good.
[69:09]And then I would listen to them and laugh, right?
[69:11]At my jokes.
[69:11]Yeah.
[69:12]I mean, it's the same exact thing as a podcast.
[69:14]I was trying to tell the guys about that.
[69:15]And I once did one about what my dreams were.
[69:18]And it was to be a radio show guy.
[69:19]And it made me really sad when I listened to it.
[69:21]Oh, thank you.
[69:22]But the idea of being in radio now would be tough, wouldn't it?
[69:25]It would be.
[69:26]But you wanted to.
[69:27]You were so dedicated to the idea.
[69:29]I was.
[69:30]And you know what happened to me is I was working at that place.
[69:32]Remember, I'd go in at five in the morning.
[69:33]Dad would drive me in.
[69:34]Yeah, Dad would drive me in.
[69:35]And one time they turned to me because I would pull news clips for me.
[69:38]And one time they turned to me and said, oh, do you want to be in the air and announce something?
[69:41]And you know what I said to them?
[69:43]No.
[69:44]No, I was too scared.
[69:45]Isn't that terrible?
[69:46]Just pathetic.
[69:47]Well, I didn't say pathetic.
[69:49]But the thing is, is that from then on, I've always said, well, I'm going to say yes to things.
[69:52]Like, I'm going to just try to do things.
[69:54]And that's why I've wrestled a professional wrestling match.
[69:56]I've gotten to do.
[69:57]Well, I think that's it.
[69:58]That's like the top of my cool thing.
[70:00]But I think, don't you think saying yes to things is important?
[70:02]Yes, very important.
[70:03]You get new experiences, even if you're nervous to do it.
[70:05]Right.
[70:05]It's extending your experiences.
[70:08]I do think being a teacher has helped that because it's like, how much more embarrassing can you get than being a middle school teacher?
[70:12]Oh, that's true.
[70:13]Right?
[70:13]Unless my name is like Mr. Glasscock or something.
[70:16]That got a laugh out of my mouth.
[70:18]All right.
[70:19]So this is the making fun of Aaron song.
[70:21]What's up, everybody?
[70:23]This is K-Rob.
[70:23]K-R-O-B.
[70:25]You know what?
[70:26]We're getting real close to Valentine's.
[70:28]I love K-Rob.
[70:29]So if you're interested.
[70:30]I can't be with the one you love.
[70:31]You might as well do something you love.
[70:33]Oh, yeah.
[70:35]Oh, no.
[70:36]I'm making fun of Aaron.
[70:40]Have you ever taken your camping lunch and heated it up in the microwave before you eat it?
[70:44]I can't wait for him to say something random.
[70:48]I don't own a microwave.
[70:51]He'll start talking.
[70:53]I roll my eyes.
[70:56]Then I say something nasty to impress the guys.
[71:00]Yeah, I'm making fun of Aaron.
[71:03]What do you think is the greatest song ever about being happy?
[71:08]So I came up with a list.
[71:10]Here he goes.
[71:13]What's he talking about now?
[71:15]I think it's great.
[71:16]It's your birthday.
[71:16]I'm also pretty certain Curtis Bullard just had a heart transplant.
[71:19]Some crazy stuff.
[71:20]How many times you got to bring that on there?
[71:22]That he thinks is normal.
[71:22]Man, don't get me started about the dupe right now.
[71:25]I've really learned a lot about that.
[71:26]Then I start laughing.
[71:28]And then I unload.
[71:29]We bring it up for the next 10 episodes.
[71:33]Yeah, I'll be making fun of Aaron.
[71:38]There are actually more instruments than you can fit in a basement, right?
[71:42]Wait, that wasn't even supposed to be funny.
[71:46]So mom, you've listened to some of the podcasts now.
[71:49]And obviously the songs are kind of a little bit different because we have to talk over each other.
[71:53]Do you have any advice on how we could make the podcast better before we get into the section about Matt?
[71:57]I don't know.
[71:59]I think that it's quite really, I'm very impressed.
[72:02]And I like your parody songs a lot.
[72:04]I think maybe you really missed your, your calling in life on that one.
[72:09]Weird Rob.
[72:09]Yeah.
[72:10]Weird Rob.
[72:11]Well, I remember, remember when you said you were always a big fan of, I've given you,
[72:14]I've given you two real compliments on the show.
[72:16]Number one, actually the one big compliment I've always given you is that wherever you
[72:19]went, you would always buy me a CD of music.
[72:21]Remember when you came back from New Orleans and you got me that Zydeco CD?
[72:23]Yep.
[72:24]I love that.
[72:24]You got me the Bobby McFerrin hush CD that got me into, I know a lot of, I know more about
[72:28]classical music.
[72:29]And some of these idiots out there.
[72:30]And then I, you also got me a, a Calypso song when we were a CD and I love those things.
[72:35]But I think the other thing, what were we talking about?
[72:38]So you think that you think that the parody songs are, I'm pretty good with the parody
[72:42]songs, but what would I do with it?
[72:44]I mean, who would want to listen to a parody song about three of my friends from college?
[72:47]Well, I don't know.
[72:48]Parody songs are always hits.
[72:49]I can, I can tell you the answer is about 130 people a week.
[72:52]Max want to listen to that.
[72:53]And I think a lot of those are just fake downloads.
[72:56]I see.
[72:57]Okay.
[72:57]But I'm, I'm assuming after this, you're going to share this.
[72:59]So all your friends is going to take off.
[73:00]So this is really a pyramid scheme having you on.
[73:02]Maybe what I would like would be a little more discussion of the music because I'm so
[73:06]musically challenged.
[73:07]Yeah.
[73:08]Well, you sound like a lot of people that listen to the podcast.
[73:10]They have the same complaint.
[73:11]I, I need to, I need to hear more music and know more about the albums and maybe a little
[73:16]more facts in there about the albums because I'm just, you know, I have a, I have a tin
[73:22]ear.
[73:22]You would go along well with Russell.
[73:24]Okay.
[73:24]Who once confused the doors and the Ramones.
[73:26]Yeah.
[73:27]Well, you know, that is a big confusion.
[73:29]He also can, he confused Wilson Phillips and Wilson Pickett.
[73:32]Yeah.
[73:32]That's a big confusion too.
[73:33]They're not even the same sex.
[73:35]Yeah.
[73:35]Even for me, that's kind of pitiful.
[73:38]Yeah.
[73:38]He's kind of an idiot.
[73:39]You're right.
[73:39]So let me play you.
[73:41]So now we're onto Matt.
[73:43]Now, Matt really only, he doesn't, he barely talks on the podcast.
[73:46]If you notice, and even Leslie, I think he's been kind of jammed out, but it turns out
[73:50]that Matt, it turns out we, we found out via voicemail.
[73:53]Matt does not fold his own laundry.
[73:55]Do you, excuse me?
[73:59]Yeah.
[73:59]Excuse me.
[73:59]Yeah.
[74:00]I fold my own laundry.
[74:01]What kind of question is that?
[74:01]Absolutely.
[74:02]I fold my own laundry.
[74:03]Okay.
[74:04]But do you know who Matt has come over and fold his laundry?
[74:06]I'll give you one guess.
[74:09]I don't know.
[74:10]His mom, his mom.
[74:12]Now, how do you, okay.
[74:13]So how do you feel about that?
[74:15]How do you feel about Matt not folding his own laundry?
[74:17]He's 41, 40 years old, by the way.
[74:18]Well, I guess if she wants to do it, that's just fine.
[74:23]But, uh, I would refer to her as an enabler.
[74:29]She's making him not be the full person that he could be.
[74:33]The full man that he could be.
[74:34]He's not being totally actualized.
[74:36]Right.
[74:36]Well, I did actually talk to her on the phone about it and that's going to come up a little bit later.
[74:39]So let's listen to Matt talk about his laundry because he didn't want to admit that to us.
[74:43]Somebody had to call in and tattle on him.
[74:44]Okay.
[74:45]You might be shocked with who this is from.
[74:46]Oh, hey, it's Krista again.
[74:51]Krista.
[74:51]First of all, I should say I am actually really enjoying the podcast.
[74:55]I feel like I do call in with a lot of criticisms from time to time.
[74:59]But I am enjoying it.
[75:00]I listen to it on my runs each week and I'm inspired to listen to different music.
[75:06]I will say that I think you should go for it with a new updated list.
[75:11]If you want it to be best albums of all time, it should include albums from all time.
[75:17]And their old list left out several years of albums.
[75:21]I'm just saying that.
[75:21]But then also, I am a little confused by the chore that Matt says he doesn't like to do.
[75:29]Which is folding laundry.
[75:31]Because he doesn't actually have to fold the laundry and neither does his wife.
[75:41]Wait a minute.
[75:42]I suggest you ask Matt and see who actually does.
[75:46]Wait a minute now.
[75:48]Who does the laundry?
[75:49]Rob is like twisting in his chair.
[75:50]He is so excited.
[75:51]Wait a minute now.
[75:53]I'm so excited Krista brought this up.
[75:55]But Rob is like physically.
[75:56]Well, you finally got her name right.
[75:58]So good work, Russell.
[75:59]Yeah, Krista makes a good point.
[76:01]Last episode, I was made fun of for having somebody, a friend, who helps out around the house.
[76:07]Okay.
[76:08]And basically, the purpose of my friend is to try to make my wife less angry at me at all times.
[76:12]Which is, she's feeling spectacularly, but she's trying.
[76:15]So, Matt, what is going on?
[76:17]This is the laundry.
[76:18]This is laundry 2020.
[76:20]Laundry 2020.
[76:21]Laundry mystery.
[76:23]Matt, what's going on?
[76:26]If I remember right, the question was, what chore do you have?
[76:29]You hate the most, right?
[76:30]No, no, no, no.
[76:31]That's not what the, that's not what the bed was.
[76:32]What was the question?
[76:33]What was the question?
[76:34]It doesn't matter.
[76:35]Did we ask Johnny Cochran to join us?
[76:36]The question was which.
[76:37]Is Johnny Cochran and Beck did it better today?
[76:39]Is this Robert Kardashian joining us?
[76:41]Yeah.
[76:41]Is Bill Clinton, what, it depends on what the meaning of is, is.
[76:45]Yeah.
[76:46]Matt, I am at your house.
[76:47]I am watching the laundry get folded.
[76:49]What am I seeing?
[76:50]A little Maury Povich.
[76:56]No, I don't know.
[76:57]So, this is a multi.
[76:58]I could have, I could have.
[76:59]I could have.
[76:59]The question was, what chore do you hate the most?
[77:04]I hate folding laundry.
[77:05]Nobody asked if I actually folded the laundry or anything like that.
[77:08]What's the solution?
[77:09]What's the solution?
[77:10]So, the solution is, and we also talked about, and I don't think my mom knows what podcasts
[77:14]are, so I don't think she's going to catch up with this unless my wife shares it.
[77:17]Why are all your shirts so wrinkly that you're wearing?
[77:19]I bet Matt just throws away all his clothes after one use and goes and buys new ones with
[77:26]podcast revenue.
[77:27]Guys, do you have paper pants?
[77:29]Paper pants are revolutionary.
[77:30]That's why you buy so many champion double-knit sweatshirts.
[77:32]He doesn't like how they're folded.
[77:33]Just buy a new one.
[77:34]You like the one I got on right now?
[77:35]You got a nice Vikings one on?
[77:36]Yeah, there you go.
[77:37]38 bucks, eBay.
[77:38]It's nice.
[77:39]All right, let's wrap this up.
[77:41]Yeah, we're very busy.
[77:44]So, two things.
[77:46]My mom comes over, watches my kids for about three hours, a couple times a week.
[77:52]She's retired.
[77:53]She makes the kids do it.
[77:55]She's got nothing going on.
[77:55]She comes over.
[77:58]She folds the laundry.
[77:59]She folds my laundry.
[77:59]My mom comes over and folds my laundry.
[78:01]I'm 39 years old.
[78:03]I'm a millennial.
[78:03]My mom comes over and folds my laundry.
[78:06]Wait, wait, wait.
[78:07]Excuse me a second.
[78:08]It's, it's, it's, it's time for one-on-one with Aaron's mom.
[78:14]Oh, yeah.
[78:16]And when I say one-on-one, what I mean is that she's finding one sock and then another sock
[78:22]and putting them together.
[78:22]And meanwhile, Matt was yelling at her about the list.
[78:25]God damn it, mom.
[78:26]Rolling Stone, change the list.
[78:29]And by the way, you, you didn't put away the shirt in the right drawer.
[78:33]Put it in the wrong shelf.
[78:34]So, no.
[78:35]It started out as a thing where she, you know, we had laundry and I was going to fold it.
[78:39]She's like, well, I'll just fold it.
[78:40]I mean, this is years ago now, though, right?
[78:42]So, I mean, we're talking, this has been going on for a very long time.
[78:45]So, and Krista knows that it's a big joke.
[78:47]Krista from Minneapolis knows it.
[78:48]So, ha, ha, Krista, you got me.
[78:50]Krista, whatever your name is.
[78:52]Oh, no, you're calling her by the wrong name.
[78:54]Is that just me?
[78:55]Oh, or whatever.
[78:56]Or whatever.
[78:57]He's mad now.
[78:57]This is mad, man.
[78:58]I love it.
[78:59]No.
[78:59]So, my mom does it, which is very nice.
[79:01]In return, I get, I, all I ask for for my birthday, all I ask for for Christmas.
[79:07]No, no, no, wait a minute.
[79:08]Every year is nothing.
[79:09]Just keep folding my clothes.
[79:11]And I'm happy.
[79:13]So, thank you.
[79:15]So, I could go, I could go, I got a, I got a thing in my, right over there in that drawer
[79:19]in my, in my kitchen that says one year's worth of laundry folding for my mom.
[79:23]So, that's what we got.
[79:25]We're, you know, go ahead.
[79:27]All these weeks of me being ripped out.
[79:29]For not being a fully functioning adult, not knowing how to pick out properly live flowers.
[79:33]And it turns out I can do my own laundry and let, and let my grass grow too long.
[79:38]And Matt can do that, but he can't do his own laundry.
[79:40]His mom shows up to finish it off.
[79:42]I also, I feel like I should issue, Beck did a better apology for all the people who have
[79:46]contributed to the GoFundMe I started for a laundry folding service for Matt.
[79:51]So, everybody who contributed, maybe let's take some suggestions for what else you'd
[79:58]want to give that money to.
[79:59]Because I started this GoFundMe for Matt and it turns out, yeah, I didn't need to.
[80:03]Matt, Matt's bought four sweatshirts of the lists and all he gives to his mom is a homemade
[80:08]paper certificate.
[80:09]Hey, on the backside, it says free back rub.
[80:13]I mean, that sounds like what I get my wife for her anniversary, man.
[80:16]Give me a break.
[80:16]She gets gold star every week.
[80:18]Keep it up, mom.
[80:19]I'm going to email your mom a copy of this podcast.
[80:24]I think she'll love it.
[80:25]Joan, thank you very much.
[80:28]We appreciate it.
[80:29]We appreciate it.
[80:29]You do a great job.
[80:30]Thanks for everything.
[80:31]Thank you.
[80:33]So, there.
[80:34]Is that better?
[80:34]It's not that I don't know how to fold my laundry.
[80:37]I hate folding laundry, though.
[80:38]My mom knows it.
[80:39]She folds it for us.
[80:41]So, no, I'm not going to apologize for it.
[80:43]I'm just going to eat that one and go.
[80:46]Well, you certainly didn't fully disclose it last time.
[80:48]That's for sure.
[80:49]That was noticeably absent.
[80:51]You guys didn't say, what is the chore you don't like to do?
[80:55]We just said, what is your least favorite chore?
[80:57]What is your mom to take care of?
[80:59]Right.
[80:59]Yep.
[80:59]Yeah.
[81:00]So, all right.
[81:01]It's a lie by omission.
[81:02]Thanks, Kirsten, from Minneapolis.
[81:04]Well, no, wait.
[81:07]I don't know if we're done with this yet.
[81:09]Can I have your mom's address?
[81:10]Because I have a certificate here for two years of free laundry folding that I want to send her.
[81:14]I think that would help.
[81:16]All right.
[81:17]All right.
[81:19]That's enough.
[81:19]Break it up, you two.
[81:20]That was one-on-one with Aaron's mom.
[81:23]Oh, yeah.
[81:25]That's good.
[81:27]I don't think we've had a mom.
[81:28]I don't think we've had a one-on-one.
[81:29]I don't think we've had a one-on-one with the moms for a while.
[81:30]Yeah, it's been a minute.
[81:31]It's been a minute.
[81:32]But, hey, let's say, Krista, appreciate you listening.
[81:35]Always appreciate you calling in.
[81:38]Appreciate all of our listeners, no doubt.
[81:40]Yeah.
[81:40]I don't.
[81:41]They're dumb as shit to listen to this shit.
[81:43]Get a life, you guys.
[81:44]Oh, my God.
[81:46]Yeah, and you know what?
[81:46]I'm above our listeners.
[81:47]Oh, I'm a listener.
[81:48]I like to...
[81:49]You know what?
[81:49]We're making the content.
[81:50]You guys are adding, like, two minutes a week.
[81:52]We're doing the heavy lifting here.
[81:53]But please keep calling in.
[81:55]I'm sorry.
[81:56]I'm going to edit that out.
[81:58]So, Mom, I was going to ask you if you would like to do my laundry all summer and fold it so I could see what it's like to be Matt.
[82:05]Absolutely not.
[82:07]But I realize that somebody does fold my laundry at the cabin, so I am kind of living like Matt.
[82:10]Yeah, I do.
[82:11]I fold it all the time.
[82:12]But you don't even know it because you leave it on the steps, and by the time you take it off, it's all unfolded.
[82:17]So what the heck?
[82:18]Well, I don't know.
[82:19]There is one very famous laundry story about me.
[82:21]Do you want to tell it?
[82:22]Yes.
[82:23]Well, I was taking the laundry out of the washing machine to put in the dryer.
[82:28]How old was I?
[82:28]During this story.
[82:29]I was in college at St. Olaf, you know, the usual den of inequity at St. Olaf.
[82:35]And I pick out, and there's a piece of lettuce, and I think, oh, God, he's always leaving stuff in his box.
[82:41]Delicious lettuce.
[82:42]And then I get more laundry out, and there's a piece of ham or bologna in there.
[82:47]Then I pull out more, and there's a piece of bread.
[82:50]He left a ham sandwich in the pocket, and I put it through the washing machine.
[82:57]That's the end.
[82:58]That's the end of it.
[82:59]Okay.
[82:59]It's not like $5 bill.
[83:01]It's a ham sandwich.
[83:02]Well, I still remember every once in a while a crayon would go through.
[83:04]Right.
[83:05]And you know what?
[83:06]I was always like, why did she get so mad about that?
[83:07]And now I 100% understand.
[83:10]Yep.
[83:10]Yeah.
[83:11]Being a parent is a nightmare, and being a parent of me, I think, would be kind of a special trip.
[83:14]I think it would be awesome.
[83:15]Yeah.
[83:15]Now, Matt did say during that the mom is retired, so she has less to do.
[83:19]Do you have any thoughts on that statement?
[83:20]Yeah.
[83:21]Well, this whole thing that your parents just have nothing to do because they're retired, so they want to wait on you hand and foot.
[83:28]Geez.
[83:29]You really need to rethink that one.
[83:32]Yeah.
[83:32]Yeah.
[83:33]Because I find people even say, like, oh, you have the summers off.
[83:36]You must have lots of time.
[83:36]And yet, somehow, I'm busier than ever.
[83:39]I put together all these clips.
[83:40]That's what Oliver Wendell Holmes said when asked if it was easier when he retired from the Supreme Court, and he said, nope, life is always uphill.
[83:48]So, it's always uphill.
[83:50]When he retired, Oliver Wendell at Holmes.
[83:52]At Holmes.
[83:53]At Holmes.
[83:54]At home, he was still going uphill.
[83:56]All right.
[83:57]So, then what I did is.
[83:58]On the album, Let It Bleed.
[84:00]Have you ever heard the song, You Can't Always Get What You Want?
[84:03]No.
[84:03]By the Rolling Stones.
[84:04]I probably have.
[84:05]You can't always get what you want.
[84:07]It starts with a choir, right?
[84:09]So, I recorded myself in 20 different parts singing as a choir.
[84:12]Is this a dream come through?
[84:14]A dream.
[84:15]Suzanne's giving a big thumbs up on the Zoom.
[84:16]She likes it.
[84:17]So, this is.
[84:18]And then I also had Matt's mom call in to give a statement about folding the laundry.
[84:21]So, we're actually going to hear from Matt's mom.
[84:24]We're going to have a one-on-one with Matt's mom right now.
[84:27]All right.
[84:28]All right.
[84:28]Here we go.
[84:29]I saw Matt today on the Zoom call.
[84:33]I noticed that his laundry was all done.
[84:39]When I asked him if he was going to fold it.
[84:45]He said, that's a job for my mom.
[84:50]No Matt won't fold the laundry on his own.
[84:56]No Matt won't fold the laundry on his own.
[84:58]No Matt won't fold the laundry on his own.
[85:02]Megan's on the phone.
[85:05]He tells his baby mom she folds his laundry.
[85:09]Hi, this is Joni Karnas.
[85:15]I just wanted to let you know how much I love doing Matt's laundry and folding clothes for Matt and Sarah and Leo and Eddie.
[85:23]It makes my day every time I go over there to do it.
[85:26]Bye.
[85:28]Matt's mom's getting pretty tired.
[85:34]She just wants to go to bed.
[85:40]But when Matt's clothes have run through the dryer.
[85:46]She has to go over and fold them up instead.
[85:52]No Matt won't fold his laundry on his own.
[85:58]No Matt won't fold his laundry on his own.
[86:04]No Matt won't fold his laundry on his own.
[86:10]He gets on the phone.
[86:14]He yells, hey mom.
[86:17]She folds his laundry.
[86:18]Oh yeah.
[86:22]She folds his laundry.
[86:24]When you want.
[86:27]What's your least favorite day?
[86:28]What's your least favorite household chore now or when we were growing up?
[86:31]What's something you absolutely despised?
[86:33]Cleaning the bathroom.
[86:34]I, you know, I don't mind cleaning the bathroom.
[86:36]It doesn't, you feel like something's done.
[86:38]You know why I don't mind cleaning the bathroom?
[86:39]You know where I did it?
[86:40]When I worked at Starbucks.
[86:42]Oh, well.
[86:42]You want to clean a bathroom.
[86:44]Clean Starbucks.
[86:45]Yeah.
[86:46]Cause that's like, you don't, you're not related to those people and you're still cleaning it up.
[86:49]If you can clean those, you can clean absolutely anywhere.
[86:51]It was, but they show, I, I, I'm a king of cleaning the bathroom.
[86:55]Yes.
[86:55]My wife.
[86:55]It's like my favorite job.
[86:56]All right.
[86:58]So now we're getting into the Rob section.
[87:00]This is the fourth and final section.
[87:02]Okay.
[87:02]Now there isn't, there are no more parody songs.
[87:04]Okay.
[87:04]Cause there's, I don't make songs about myself.
[87:06]That would seem, that would be vain.
[87:07]Rude.
[87:07]Yeah.
[87:08]Well, I said vain, but, uh, okay.
[87:10]This is about when I was dating somebody in high school.
[87:12]You probably don't remember cause I dated so many different people.
[87:14]You're probably like, which one was it?
[87:16]All right.
[87:18]So I didn't edit anything out.
[87:19]That was just silence.
[87:19]Um, but this was when I was dating somebody and they said, oh, you would look good in this
[87:24]article of clothing.
[87:25]And of course I, I went with it.
[87:26]I also want to tell you a story that when this,
[87:28]this girl dumped me, part of the story is I did say to her, I'm going to drive home
[87:33]real fast.
[87:34]Can you think of anything more pathetic that you could say to somebody after they've dumped
[87:37]you?
[87:37]That is a sad story, but it's kind of a lonely thing.
[87:41]It is.
[87:42]I don't want to limousine kind of lonely.
[87:44]I don't know.
[87:47]How are you supposed to react when you get dumped?
[87:49]What's a good way to react?
[87:50]I think you have to get in there first, right?
[87:52]Well, that might be, you might have to get in some licks.
[87:55]Yeah.
[87:55]You have to say like, oh, I think I need to have a talk with you and be like, no, I need
[87:58]to have talk to you.
[87:58]We're done.
[87:59]I think that's, that's the way to go about it.
[88:01]Did you ever worry just growing up that I would never date anyone that I would always
[88:04]just be living at home?
[88:05]No, no.
[88:05]Really?
[88:06]No.
[88:06]Yes.
[88:07]I knew it.
[88:08]All right.
[88:09]Uh, this I've just titled this one sweater vest.
[88:11]What's the dumbest thing you guys have ever done to impress a woman?
[88:15]And I'll go first.
[88:17]Okay.
[88:17]Cause I, I want you to think about it, but I will tell you right now, I was dating a
[88:22]girl in high school.
[88:23]Okay.
[88:24]So I'm going to wait for everybody to be pretty impressed by that.
[88:26]And then, uh,
[88:28]and that kind of leads, shows you the mindset I had at the time, which is where she said,
[88:31]you should start wearing sweater vests.
[88:33]Now, if you look at me, okay, probably the last part of my body, I should be trying to
[88:39]emphasize is the middle.
[88:40]Okay.
[88:41]Let's just put it this way.
[88:43]I have done very well in quarantine, wearing a mask around to most places.
[88:46]So instead I wore a sweater vest, but not just anywhere.
[88:48]It was, my high school was playing in the sectional championship, the sectional championship
[88:54]games.
[88:55]Now, the fact that this happened to me when I was about 13 and I can still remember it
[88:58]very, very vividly, actually, I'm going to say 16, because I realized I probably drove
[89:02]there.
[89:02]If it was high school, I am wearing a sweater vest and I walk into a arena of everyone in
[89:08]my high school, watching the basketball game.
[89:10]And every single person turned and laughed at me because I was wearing a sweater vest
[89:13]that my girlfriend had bought for me.
[89:14]And I was wearing to try to impress her all time disaster.
[89:17]No shirt underneath.
[89:19]Cause you're going to experience some chapped nipples.
[89:21]If that happens.
[89:21]No, that would have rocked.
[89:23]I was wearing an Eddie Bauer button up plaid shirt.
[89:26]I'm sure it was like not.
[89:28]Wash.
[89:28]You know, it's like right off the cardboard.
[89:30]Like if you still see the creases in it, yes.
[89:33]And I was like, if this will get this girl to kiss me five more times before, this is
[89:37]by the way, the same girl that I drove away fast after we broke up, I'm going to drive
[89:42]away.
[89:42]Was it all the same night or not?
[89:44]No, no.
[89:46]And then you got home and you get your whole, your whole upper torso was chafed from your
[89:50]sweater vest.
[89:51]And it was like, I drove fast.
[89:53]Driving away fast.
[89:54]Yeah.
[89:54]I'm worried.
[89:54]I got, I almost got pulled over.
[89:56]I'm chafing right now.
[89:57]It's a, what a disaster of a night guys.
[89:59]If I find a picture of me in one of these sweater vests, I'll send it to you.
[90:02]Cause I'm sure my parents took a picture of me like, Oh, look at this guy.
[90:05]What a joke.
[90:05]Like when my kids start doing dumb stuff like that, I got to take a picture.
[90:08]I got to be there.
[90:09]I got to hop.
[90:09]Can I tell you guys the worst, worst fashion decision I ever made in high school?
[90:12]Like, do you guys remember when like colored jeans became a thing?
[90:16]Like people would have no green jeans or red or white, like different color, like very
[90:21]distinct color jeans that were not blue, not Navy or black.
[90:24]And I got white jeans.
[90:27]Yes.
[90:27]And then I also got like a white denim shirt.
[90:30]Oh, so I wore like the all white thing.
[90:32]I remember like getting up and you were in boys to color me bad.
[90:35]I was like, I'm going to look so bad ass.
[90:37]And I walked upstairs and my mom looked at me and just started dying laughing.
[90:42]You look like a fucking painter.
[90:44]Go change your clothes.
[90:46]And I remember thinking like, I am just going to kill it.
[90:50]Like I am a man right now.
[90:53]And I didn't even make it out the door before my mom ripped me and I had to go change.
[90:57]Yeah.
[90:58]I got to say, walking upstairs and having your mom laughing.
[90:59]It was not a great confidence builder to your day.
[91:01]Oh my God.
[91:04]I'm sure the white denim shirt would have looked great with regular jeans, but what's
[91:08]the most embarrassing thing you've done for a woman, Aaron?
[91:10]You didn't want to say it.
[91:11]So now you say sick freak.
[91:13]Most embarrassing or.
[91:15]Oh, no.
[91:15]What's the most.
[91:16]What's the.
[91:16]Yeah.
[91:17]What's the.
[91:17]I don't know.
[91:18]Whatever.
[91:18]The dumbest, most embarrassing.
[91:19]Just tell a story that we can make fun of.
[91:21]It'll be.
[91:21]It'll be easy.
[91:22]I mean, we've discussed my turntable purchase.
[91:25]So like I, you know, I got together with my.
[91:27]Lady and she owned some, some vine.
[91:30]She owned some opera records on vinyl and I did not have a turntable.
[91:33]So I think I had, you know, $200 to my name at the time.
[91:38]And I went and spent, you know, $450 on a turntable and some speakers.
[91:43]And I was like, Hey, but, but you come over now.
[91:47]We can play that phantom of the opera, but come on over now.
[91:50]I hope you don't mind paying for, you know, sandwiches because that's all.
[91:53]That was it.
[91:53]Like my credit cards for the next three weeks.
[91:57]On the turntable.
[91:58]So that's probably it for me.
[92:00]Yeah.
[92:00]I do like that.
[92:01]Russell's pull for opera music was phantom of the opera.
[92:03]It's the only one he could do.
[92:07]So mom, I did get a question from the crowd and you don't have to answer this.
[92:11]You don't want to, but they want to know, have you ever been dumped?
[92:13]Oh, sure.
[92:15]Oh no.
[92:15]There's tears.
[92:16]Yeah.
[92:16]A single tear.
[92:17]No, no, no, no, no.
[92:18]Oh no.
[92:19]She got dumped a lot.
[92:20]No, not dumped me.
[92:22]I have to think a little.
[92:23]Were you, were you getting dumped more often or were you doing the dumping?
[92:26]Probably doing the dumping.
[92:27]More often, frankly, but, but, uh, you know, everybody has a little heartbreak here and
[92:34]there, but yeah, yeah, but not, I think it's better to be doing the dumping though than
[92:39]getting definitely.
[92:40]Yeah.
[92:41]That's painful too, though.
[92:42]When you're a teenager, you hate to hurt people.
[92:44]Yeah.
[92:45]There is something about that where you think everything, isn't it funny?
[92:47]You think, oh, we've been going on for six months.
[92:48]That's the longest my life has ever been.
[92:51]And now it's six months is like, oh, you think it's so important.
[92:53]You think your whole life is so important.
[92:55]Little, do you know?
[92:56]Nobody cares.
[92:57]Yeah.
[92:57]I, it's like, I, I, I have passports that get expired in four years and I'm surprised
[93:01]because it seems to come up so quick.
[93:02]Right.
[93:03]Okay.
[93:03]So now I'm just going to tell you these last two clips.
[93:06]I really don't want to play for you.
[93:07]Okay.
[93:07]Okay.
[93:08]But I'm going to, because I feel like this would not be a true podcast if I'm going to.
[93:11]This one is about Joey and his bad habit that he has.
[93:14]Oh, my dog.
[93:15]Yes.
[93:15]Is not a person.
[93:16]Yeah.
[93:17]Please mean to my rolling going by the way, because I got to tell you, I, my dog and listen,
[93:21]I love my dog.
[93:21]Okay.
[93:22]Dog does nothing.
[93:22]Like the dog just sits around.
[93:24]It sleeps all the time.
[93:25]The dog has one fault.
[93:27]And that is he loves to eat, not, not bite, not, he chews on and eats dirty underwear.
[93:34]So if you've worn underwear, so he has eaten the crotch out of, I would guess a dozen pair
[93:39]of my underwear.
[93:40]He has eaten about 10 pair of my wife's underwear.
[93:43]He ate my, he ate my mom's underwear.
[93:45]He's eaten my sister's underwear.
[93:46]He's eaten my kid's underwear.
[93:48]I mean, at what point do you find a different underwear storage solution?
[93:51]Like, I'm like, where's your dirty underwear?
[93:53]Like, it seems like.
[93:55]Like fool me once.
[93:56]Shame on you.
[93:57]Like fool me two dozen times.
[93:59]Like fool me two times.
[94:00]Well, I'm going to take this dirty underwear.
[94:03]I'm going to shove it in that dog crate.
[94:04]That dog crate is going to ignore it the whole time.
[94:07]It's going to be so awesome.
[94:07]I'm going to borrow a piece from my wife and say, guys, I don't want fucking solutions.
[94:13]I just want you to listen.
[94:14]Okay.
[94:15]So just be quiet.
[94:15]All right.
[94:18]The underwear is staying on the floor.
[94:20]That's the way it is.
[94:21]I don't care if the dog chokes to death.
[94:22]I'm not picking up my underwear after I take it off.
[94:24]Okay.
[94:25]The dog can change.
[94:26]Yeah.
[94:26]Exactly.
[94:27]It's the dog's fault.
[94:28]Yeah.
[94:28]But I had to draw the line when today I put on.
[94:31]Dogs wear a toad style.
[94:31]Immensely strong.
[94:32]I put on my biking shorts for my Peloton.
[94:36]And the dog has eaten a hole in my Peloton shorts, but not right in the crotch.
[94:42]It is to the right.
[94:43]It's down my thigh about two inches.
[94:45]Oh, well, you can still ride with that.
[94:47]And I was like, well, this is a risky business because my kid has friends over.
[94:51]But I got to walk over to the Peloton with these.
[94:53]And these are the biking shorts I have.
[94:54]So I got to wear these.
[94:55]So I'm walking over to the Peloton.
[94:57]I get on.
[94:57]Do you have?
[94:58]And then I'm biking.
[94:59]I'm like, oh, this isn't so bad.
[95:00]Like the hole doesn't affect too much.
[95:02]But then in a 45 minute ride, three separate times, my balls flew out of my bike.
[95:07]And it was rather uncomfortable.
[95:12]Okay.
[95:13]It definitely ruined my cadence.
[95:14]All right.
[95:15]Is the dog like sitting over in the corner, winking at you or anything?
[95:18]This is happening or not?
[95:20]It's so the dog's over there saying, oh, it's so upsetting.
[95:24]You cannot do a workout.
[95:25]Any of your balls fly out.
[95:26]Occasionally and just start flying around and at all focus on what you're doing.
[95:30]So someone should have told me that before I got a kicked out of three last lifetimes in the last two years.
[95:35]That's all right.
[95:36]I can't remember.
[95:38]Was it just the one branch or all of them?
[95:39]What are you supposed to do on those sit up machines?
[95:41]Stuff's going to happen, right?
[95:42]Reverse incline for a reason.
[95:49]Everything starts falling down.
[95:51]Deep down, Rob's thinking there ain't no way Russ has ever sat on one of those sit up machines.
[95:56]Russ goes right into that hip abductor machine with the legs that are spreading wide.
[96:01]It's like really right away.
[96:03]That's the first one you're going to do.
[96:04]So anyway.
[96:07]So what's our, so what's our, so really no, I mean, no solutions.
[96:11]We're just going to just let the dog keep doing this.
[96:13]Well, the problem is, the main problem is that my wife's underwear are quite expensive.
[96:16]So every time he eats one, my wife tells me like, that's going to cost you this much money.
[96:20]And I'm like, that's furious.
[96:20]Do you have like a hamper or something?
[96:22]I mean, like $12 a target.
[96:23]So here's our laundry style.
[96:25]Okay.
[96:25]And tell me if this is.
[96:26]The dog is only what?
[96:27]Six inches high.
[96:28]Like you could, you could put this on, on a coffee table, right?
[96:31]Like you can just put your underwear on the back of the couch.
[96:33]Oh, that dog.
[96:34]You know how sometimes dogs, you know how sometimes dogs end up like their owners.
[96:37]So here's the thing.
[96:39]Your dog's got a horse shit mustache.
[96:44]He's a poon hound.
[96:46]Aaron and his wife would have like a loop, like a rope looped up into the top of their living room with a bundle hanging down.
[96:54]Like they're hiding stuff from a bear that's coming in.
[96:56]Yeah.
[96:56]Into the campsite.
[96:58]And they would be hiding that dirty underwear way up above where that, that cat could get to it.
[97:02]Yeah.
[97:03]Aaron's like, I keep it right at nose level.
[97:04]I wish I wouldn't have said that.
[97:08]But you did.
[97:11]But I did.
[97:12]What can I say?
[97:12]The Wu-Tang has inspired me.
[97:15]We do actually hang our, what?
[97:17]Laundry from the ceiling, but that's not that interesting.
[97:20]Let me tell you my laundry style.
[97:21]Here's the deal is that we have a, we have a washing machine in the apartment, which is very rare for New York city.
[97:25]Okay.
[97:26]And so what we do is we, when we, when laundry is dirty, we put it on the floor in front of the laundry.
[97:32]New York city brag drink.
[97:34]And then we put it on the floor in front of the laundry machine.
[97:38]And then when it's clean, we put it in a hamper.
[97:40]So that way we know what's clean and what's dirty.
[97:42]So the laundry does have a lot of time on the floor, but sometimes, you know, when you're getting in bed, you just, you know, you're throwing the underwear on the floor.
[97:49]You Aaron, you're giving me the, not you're giving me the, no, you're don't.
[97:51]What do you do when you go to bed?
[97:53]No, I was giving you the yes.
[97:54]I was giving you the yes, man.
[97:55]Like, yeah.
[97:55]Like the.
[97:56]Yeah, I get it.
[97:57]I I'm understanding now.
[97:58]I've covered in underwear, right?
[98:00]That's why I bought shoes.
[98:01]He has stepping on too many underwears.
[98:03]He was like, ugh.
[98:03]Matt's mom, AKA the housekeeper is over at like 10 30 every night.
[98:07]When Matt goes to bed, she's scooping that shit up off the ground and throwing it right into the hamper.
[98:11]Nothing, nothing saying it around there on the, on the ground for that dog to get at.
[98:15]Matt, call me before you go to bed so I can scoop up.
[98:17]So you don't leave a line in your room.
[98:19]I got to scoop up just like he's out, just like he's out with the driveway.
[98:21]She's with his underwear.
[98:22]It's all Jeanette.
[98:26]It's all Jeanette.
[98:26]Suzanne wants, Suzanne wants you to tell the bowling story date story.
[98:30]Do you want to do that or not?
[98:31]Oh, I can do that.
[98:33]Okay.
[98:33]So tell us about the date that you and dad went on that involved bowling early on in my, in my dating career.
[98:40]This is a classic mom's underwear story.
[98:42]I went bowling with dad and his best friend, less Reese.
[98:46]And, uh, we got there and I was wearing what I thought was a cute outfit.
[98:50]But as I bowled the first or second ball, I heard, I heard a rip.
[98:54]And I knew it was a rip.
[98:56]It was my pants that had ripped.
[98:58]And, and I said, Oh, can you see it?
[99:01]You know, I said to Robert, can you see anything?
[99:03]And he said, Oh no, it's nothing.
[99:05]And so we kept bowling for another two games.
[99:08]And when I got home, the whole back of my pants was completely ripped open and had been the whole time, but they just didn't want to leave the bowling alley.
[99:18]They let me bowl with my back end hanging out of my pants.
[99:24]So.
[99:26]So that was very romantic.
[99:27]I like the idea.
[99:30]They're like, you know, they're whispering each other when you're up there, you know, you're like, Oh, I've got a split.
[99:34]I'm trying to get in there.
[99:35]Like, Hey, I really want to keep bowling.
[99:37]Don't tell her about her pants.
[99:39]He's like, okay.
[99:39]I definitely won't tell her about her pants.
[99:41]I think that's a really good idea.
[99:41]That was it.
[99:42]Oh, that's so good.
[99:44]Um, so that's, I, that, I think that's true love though.
[99:48]That's when, you know, nobody's going to be the dumpy.
[99:50]True love.
[99:50]He could love bowling and not me.
[99:52]Well, okay.
[99:53]That's.
[99:56]All right.
[99:57]So this last one is about buying deodorant in New York.
[100:02]Now, almost all the deodorant is under glass.
[100:04]So you have to go ask to buy it.
[100:05]Everybody's deodorant is under glass.
[100:07]So do you know how embarrassing it is to go ask for a certain flavor of deodorant?
[100:11]Anyway, that's the bit.
[100:12]That's the bit I do here.
[100:13]It's bad, but this is about other stuff that could be under glass as well.
[100:17]Now I think I do tell at some point, I did tell the story about how, when I was on a plane one time and you were convinced I wasn't wearing deodorant.
[100:25]Yes.
[100:26]You yelled at me and you said, well, you didn't yell at me, but you certainly talked to me and you said, Hey, you need to start wearing deodorant.
[100:30]I think, how old was I?
[100:31]14, 15, 25, nine.
[100:34]Yeah.
[100:34]So you said you need to wear deodorant.
[100:36]And then it turns out that you remember what was happening instead?
[100:39]Yes.
[100:40]Well, that smell that smelled like Robert to be, Oh, turned out to be the stewardess eating a burger King hamburger.
[100:46]It was the onions.
[100:49]And so I kind of wondered if I really wanted to pursue much fast food.
[100:54]If I couldn't tell the difference between the fast food and the deodorant.
[100:56]That's not too appetizing.
[101:00]Well, the deodorant I was wearing at the time was flame broiled.
[101:02]That might be part of the problem.
[101:04]All right.
[101:04]So that's a good joke.
[101:05]Here is this one.
[101:07]Let's just talk about the deodorant.
[101:08]So then I also, this week I ran out of deodorant.
[101:12]Okay.
[101:12]And actually, to be honest, I ran out of deodorant about two months ago and I have been using my wife's deodorant.
[101:17]Now I don't think there's anything wrong with using your wife.
[101:18]I think that is fair game.
[101:20]I never, ever tell her.
[101:22]I would never tell her she'll be pissed if she ever listens to this podcast.
[101:24]So I'm set for the rest of my life.
[101:26]Not worried.
[101:26]Not worried about that.
[101:26]And the, so I go down to the Duane Reade, which is in my building, right?
[101:32]And I go to get the deodorant.
[101:33]They now have the deodorant behind glass that you have to unlock and get the deodorant.
[101:38]So I have to go.
[101:39]Like razor blades where you have to have a lock to get them out or what?
[101:42]Can you make drugs out of deodorant?
[101:43]I don't know.
[101:44]I don't know if they're so expensive, but I have to go ask somebody to unlock the deodorant.
[101:49]And then I have to say to them, ah, yes, I would like the, you know, musk.
[101:53]The extra sweaty man.
[101:54]Yeah.
[101:55]I would like the musk.
[101:56]Bear smell, shark man, like Superman deodorant.
[101:59]Like I, cause I'm telling you one of my favorite days of all time.
[102:03]And I've said this all the time is growing up.
[102:04]I love it when I run out of deodorant and I get to go pick a new type of deodorant.
[102:08]It's one of the highlights of my week.
[102:09]Well, not week.
[102:10]I don't buy deodorant that often, but whenever I buy deodorant, it's, I love shopping because
[102:14]there's all these different fun kinds of deodorant and you can pick all these different things.
[102:18]Yeah.
[102:19]I love it.
[102:19]I think it's great.
[102:20]I, I, I, I love all the new, like super masculine flavors.
[102:24]Is that the right term?
[102:25]Like the flavors?
[102:26]I hope it's not a flavor, maybe a scent.
[102:28]Well, anything's a flavor if you try hard enough.
[102:30]Rob, are you a science teacher?
[102:32]You don't know like the five senses?
[102:33]Listen, I don't have time for teaching that stuff.
[102:36]Okay.
[102:37]I'm much too busy at school listening to these albums, but it's so embarrassing because now
[102:42]I basically am not going to buy deodorant.
[102:44]And in fact, I went to another Duane Reade in Manhattan.
[102:46]It was also under glass.
[102:47]So I just walked out.
[102:48]I mean, I, I, what else is under, what else is under glass?
[102:51]I don't know.
[102:53]I think like, oh, you know, laundry detergent.
[102:56]This cigarettes, like stuff that stuff that gets stolen.
[102:59]What would be the most embarrassing thing you would have to ever go by and ask for them
[103:03]to open the glass to buy?
[103:04]Like, is it condoms?
[103:05]What would be the thing where you'd be terrified to go ask the lady that Duane Reade to open
[103:10]the glass to open it for what?
[103:11]Oh my God.
[103:12]I would love to buy condoms.
[103:14]And I'd be like, what?
[103:14]Give me your smallest, most normal size condoms that you have.
[103:17]Like, that's what I want.
[103:18]Condoms are so big.
[103:20]I get condoms sometimes.
[103:21]I used it when I used to get condoms.
[103:23]Oh, Rob, we weren't going to do this.
[103:24]Rob, we weren't going to do this.
[103:25]I was always.
[103:26]Like, they're so big.
[103:26]And then there's that little tip on the end.
[103:28]I remember in health class, they'd always be like, oh, make sure you squeeze that tip
[103:31]when you put it on.
[103:32]Otherwise, yeah, otherwise.
[103:33]And I was like, how much do you think is coming out?
[103:36]Like, do you think there's so much coming out that if I don't squeeze that tip, this
[103:38]whole thing is going to fly off like a balloon, like a water rocket.
[103:41]Like, I was like, this makes no sense.
[103:44]Like, even then I was like, squeeze the tip.
[103:46]That doesn't even make sense.
[103:46]How does that make any sense?
[103:47]But that was like the one thing I remember from health class was squeeze the tip.
[103:50]So the idea, mom.
[103:52]So my mom has her head in her hands.
[103:54]That was the clip I picked last because I thought you'd watch it.
[103:56]If I picked it earlier, the idea, mom, was that we were going to have some glasses of
[104:00]wine and that would be at the end.
[104:01]But I think we drank the wine too early and now it's starting to wear off.
[104:04]And so we kind of sobered up just to listen to that clip.
[104:07]So that's not that's that's not how it's supposed to work out at all.
[104:09]Got it.
[104:09]So I guess I just have one question.
[104:11]That's the end of the podcast.
[104:12]And I just wanted to say thank you so much for doing this.
[104:13]I know this is not something that's like your dream come true is listening to me indulge
[104:17]myself.
[104:17]But I just have one question.
[104:19]Mom, are you proud of me for doing this?
[104:20]I'm so proud of you for doing this.
[104:22]And I think it takes a lot of nerve and time.
[104:26]And talent.
[104:27]Put yourself out there like this.
[104:29]It's kind of like proud of you, sweetie.
[104:30]Yeah.
[104:30]And I'm always.
[104:31]Oh, thank you.
[104:32]And I never I never get to tell you that.
[104:35]Oh, I know.
[104:36]You don't have to tell me that.
[104:37]And it's true.
[104:38]I am kind of a hero.
[104:39]I mean, you didn't use the word hero, but I think that's kind of similar.
[104:41]That might be pushing it a little.
[104:43]No, I think that's what kind of what you said.
[104:44]I do want to play this to you before we go real quick.
[104:46]Have you ever did I did I.
[104:48]Oh, I did play this clip of Emerson when he was on the podcast.
[104:50]It's the one thing he said that I saved.
[104:51]No.
[104:52]Rob's right.
[104:56]All right.
[104:56]Thank you, everybody.
[104:56]That's been Beck.
[104:57]Did it better.
[104:58]The mom edition.
[104:59]You're about the greatest albums of all time.
[105:02]Thank you.
[105:04]I'll never get too lazy to look it up online.
[105:08]If you want to hear from guys who chat and then they get off track.
[105:14]I've got the perfect podcast for you, Jack.
[105:18]Beck did it better.
Enjoy the transcript? Tune in to the live stream — all 300+ episodes, shuffled 24/7.
▶ Listen Live