BEST OF VOLUME 1: With SPECIAL GUEST!!!!!1!!

[0:00]Hi, everyone. This is Rob from Beck Did It Better. Well, it finally happened. The four Of us could not get together to record an episode this week, so we put together a best Of clip show for all you Beckerheads who would have something to listen to. I also think This is a good dropping off point for new listeners because we go through some of the Running jokes we've had. So if you think of anyone that you would think enjoyed this podcast, This is a great episode to share with them. Now, if they're anything like me, when somebody Recommends a podcast, I say thanks and I never listened to it, but maybe you'll have more Success. I also want to take the time to thank Russ, Aaron, and Matt for doing the show, And I can't tell you how much fun it's been podcasting with them over the last year. I Especially want to thank Russ for pulling all these clips this week. I also want to Thank our hardcore fans who have been calling and texting the Beck line at 802-277-BECK, Emailing us at beckdiditbetter at gmail.com, and following us at beckdiditbetter on Instagram, Twitter, and even TikTok. Now, a quick word about the app. Some of our early episodes Had dubious sound quality, so I want to apologize in advance. Also, I got a very special guest To co-host with me this week, so I didn't hold back in playing some embarrassing Material. I'm going to play a little bit of music. I'm going to play a little bit of Material, but the only time they put their head down was the very last clip I played.

[1:00]It's a real doozy. Well, here we go. Best of Beck Did It Better, Volume 1. Best of Beck Did It Better, Volume 1. You are upset. Clip shows what you're stuck with.

[2:00]We all just want a little rest. All Rob had to do was some edits. But then he went and got a special guest. When you want to hear about the greatest albums of all time, But you're just too lazy to look it up online. If you want to hear from guys who chat and then they get off track. I've got the perfect podcast for you, Jack. Beck Did It Better. So, Mom, this is how we're going to do this, okay? So, the plan is that we can't get together and do an episode this week Because everybody's too busy. We've got too many commitments. It's mostly Aaron's fault. But I wanted to play some of the best bits of the show for you. And then explain the show to you.

[3:00]Good. Because I figured if I could explain it to you, then that's me explaining it to everybody. So, your goal here is you don't have to be funny. You don't have to be anything except for how you really feel. So, if you think something's terrible, you can tell me. If you think I'm trying to get too much attention, you can tell everybody that. There's only like two people that are going to be listening to this. So, you don't need to worry about that. In 2020, four friends decided to listen to every one of the greatest 500 albums As decided by Rolling Stone Magazine. This resulted in a text chain that celebrated the music, Excoriated the order, and led us to making the podcast. We are far from experts, and we promised to do almost no research. All opinions are our own unless you disagree. Please sit back and enjoy Beck Did It Better. This is the best of volume one. Perfect. All right. So, I'm going to play. Now, I'm going to play the theme song. And I wrote and sing in this theme song. You ready for this? Maybe not. When you want to hear about the greatest albums of all time

[4:00]But you're just too lazy to look it up online If you want to hear from guys who chat and then they get off track I've got the perfect podcast for you, Jack Beck Did It Better. Yeah, it's so good. So good. All right. So, this is Beck Did It Better. This is a podcast I started with three of my colleagues. Three college friends. I'll show you a question, a picture of the three college friends right now. Just to give you an idea of what they look like. Okay. So, here's me in the middle. This is when we were in Las Vegas, and they all put pictures of me on shirts and wore them. I see. So, this is me. Here's Russell right here. Here's Aaron. He's very bald. And here's Matt. Aaron, if you remember, sang at my wedding. Remember, he didn't do a good job, and he kind of ruined it. Everybody didn't like it. And then Russell, if you remember. Also had a job at the wedding, but we're going to talk about that at the podcast here.

[5:00]So, the idea of the podcast is that we listen to the top 500 albums on Rolling Stone. That Rolling Stone set with the top 500, and then we talk about the albums, and we talk About whether we like them or what we think of them. And so, this is the first one I ever did. This is Michael Jackson's Thriller. We did the album. So, what I did is I took the song where Vincent Price, do you remember, where he's talking During the song, and I made kind of a spoof of it. It kind of explains who everybody on the podcast is. Got it. Okay. Hey, guys. Thanks for meeting me in person today for this recording session. I really appreciate it. I didn't think it was safe for us to meet in person, but Aaron kept texting Scamdemic, Stink Scamdemic, over and over again. I thought he was going to get in trouble. Yeah, no. He doesn't care. So, here's the deal is that I did rent this big, spooky mansion that we can record at. So, let's just walk up to it right now. Let's do it. All right. Oh, my goodness. Oh. I was looking like that, dude.

[6:00]Rob, something's behind you. Oh, yeah. The podcast hour is close at hand, and our four hosts will make their plans. Russ is at the record store and dating online and trying to make us have a shorter run time. He's editing episodes all night and day, and thinking of dirty things to say. Matt's also working hard as well, making spreadsheets of things that can go to hell. I think they did better tonight. Ooh, baby. Hope it goes all right. Wow, what a singing voice. Yeah, honey. Hope Aaron and Matt start a fight. Uh-huh. Looking at downloads on the website. Oh, man. A number of listeners to slide.

[7:00]And Aaron's locked in his garage, so sweet. Looking at photos online of feet. Thinking of songs that are so obscure. And his funny laugh is the only reason he is here. And though the quality will take a dive with only old jokes in our quiver, We are forced by this damn list. To make a podcast about the Michael Jackson album. Thriller. All right, so that was the introduction to Thriller that we did, And then we would talk about it a little bit. But we have Russ, who lives in Minnesota. Matt, who lives in Minnesota. Aaron, who lives in California. And myself, who lives in New York, although I'm now in Minnesota, Hanging out with the family, and it's super fun. So what we do is we record it together, and then I edit it, and then I send it to Russ. That's why I said he's always trying to get it to be shorter, Because I would like to have a four-hour podcast. If you can believe that or not.

[8:00]Ooh. Butt buster. Well, you don't have to just sit on your butt listening to the podcast, Mom. You can walk around and do whatever you want. Got it. So I'm going to play for you right now. Here is a clip from our revolver, And this was a story about Russ when he was in my wedding. And you're actually in this story. That's why I picked it for the first one. So he was an usher, and if you remember, he had to do some tasks, And then he had kind of a disappointing end to the wedding. So let's listen to it right now. And again, I want to remind you, I'm playing a character on this. Are you ready for this? Got it. Do you have any questions about the podcast so far? Not so far. I think you're saying it's not that hard to do it. I can follow it. Well, okay. Well, that's good. All right, here we go. Did it better. So let's go. Next one. Eleanor Rigby, one of the few songs Where there are no Beatles playing on it at all. No guitar, no nothing. George Martin arranged this on strings. Paul still plays it with acoustic stuff, but... I think... This was my favorite song on the album.

[9:00]And I love this opening lyric about Eleanor Rigby Picks up the rice in the church where the wedding has been, Lives in a dream. And it's all about this loneliness of this person. Her job was literally to pick up the rice at the wedding. What a horrible job. And she's wearing a face that she keeps in a jar by the door? Like, that is some lonely shit. Well, see, now that I can relate to. That is actually the one part I do relate to. I can actually directly relate to this Picking up the rice in the church. Like, I've never had to do that. That seems like a terrible job. But I was a groom... Not a groomsman. I believe an usher in Rob's wedding. That's like above groomsman for a lot of weddings, Russell. Just to let you know. I was an usher at Rob's wedding probably, what, 15 years ago. 16. And we're there. And the wedding gets over. And everyone runs out to the limos, to jump in the limos. We're going to drive downtown afterwards. And Rob's mom, I believe, comes up to me And essentially tells me, Hey, you need to go pick up all those statues that we put up. Like, she treated me like the help, kind of.

[10:00]It was 105 degrees. See, I don't remember any of this. Yeah, you were having fun. I pick up all these statues And then I come running out and I barely make the limo. And the limo is full, So I have to sit in the front fucking seat With the limo driver For a 45-minute drive downtown. I forgot about that! And so I literally... I am literally sitting in the front, You know, where they have to put up the... The screen or the window Where you can't see in the back. So all my friends, All the bridesmaids that are back there That I'm going to try to talk to, And I don't get to sit by anyone. I'm sitting up by the front with the driver. And I remember looking at him and I'm like, Can I at least drink up here? And he looks at me and kind of gives me the... He realized I am the lonely person. Like, in this Eleanor Rigby song. You're Eleanor Rigby. And he just, he said, You do what you need to do, man. So I sat up there, But I never really thought about it. And then I listened to the lyrics to the song, And I'm like, man, I'm the lonely person

[11:00]Who had to pick up the damn statues At Rob's wedding like this. Eleanor Rigby had to pick up the fucking rice. Yeah, we threw those away the next day. We didn't even want those statues. We just tossed them. We didn't even need them. I remember the back of the limo Is the problem. I mean, the air conditioning was too... It was too cold in there. Conversation? It was just too wild? You were laughing too much? Hey, John, What about the change of the song where... It's about somebody picking up statues. My Paul McCartney voice Is going away pretty badly. It sounds like Rick Robbins. It's perfect. Thanks, everybody, for the support. Keep it up, buddy. Yeah, so that song's fun And not depressing at all. And Russell, once again, Thank you for picking up the statues. Yeah, because how are you supposed to have a wedding If I don't have statues of myself around Where it's like, Oh, here's Musa Centaur. The nude statues, Like the David Robb version, Was probably not necessary, But it worked for your guy. Yeah, exactly. I'm like, hey, make it bigger.

[12:00]Okay, and that was the joke You thought I was going to make And I made it. Oh, I'm so disappointed in myself. Okay, wait a minute. I'm going to come up with A different take of that joke. Make it smaller. Yes, I nailed it. Yes! Yes, I came through. Robb, yes! I am the best. All right. I'm only sleeping. This turns out to be One of my... Favorite songs on the album And I didn't know That I know this whole song And then I was listening And I know the whole song. I really love it. Lennon has a theme I'm singing about sleeping In a couple of albums, Which maybe he was depressed. I don't know. Well, obviously he was, but... This is a song Where they actually played it Faster And they slowed it down For the album. They used a various speed on this. I didn't know that. Which they did on a couple of albums. You're not supposed to do any research, Rob. You promised. No, I was told that By the Limbo Club. Limbo driver. Because I was up actually In the front of the other limo

[13:00]As well. And he was like, Hey, I'm a big expert On the Beatles. And it's back. The voice is back big time. It's back. It's back. When you want to hear About the greatest albums Of all time. Do you have any recollection At all of talking to Russ At the wedding And making him move Flowers and stuff like that? None. And I'm pretty sad To have made him Into an Elmer Rigby Because that's pathetic. But I think it was My bossy, mouthy friend Jane Teigen That did it. That did not mean. Oh, no. Don't let Jane hear this. Yeah. I just can't be blamed. I refuse to accept Any shame. Well, I think on a wedding day, I think you get, You paid the big bucks. I think you get to Tell people what to do. Doesn't that seem fair? I have no memory Of any statues At the wedding. I think it was flowers And I think I made it into, I think he said statues Because it sounded heavier Like he was actually in work Because moving flowers, I mean, that doesn't sound Hard at all, does it? That's more, yeah, Elmer. Yeah, it's really like He barely did anything at all. Yeah. Well, anyway, I feel I'm sorry that he was

[14:00]A lonely man, But I've spent Some pretty lonely times At multiple weddings. I guess we all have, huh? Well, he's not just Was a lonely man. I think he still is. And let's talk about that Real quick. Let's get into Russ's dating life. So this is a recent date. Russell is the only one Of us that isn't married. And so he often regales us With his online dating stories. And I always thought Being an online, I mean, can you imagine Dating now with all these Apps and everything? Well, just hell. Oh, I was going to say It sounds awesome. But so I think That it would be It would be a ton of work And you just go out With a bunch of I mean, I think we all dated losers At some point, right? Can you imagine just Randomly dating online? You'd run into tons of losers. Let's listen to How this date goes. Russ, rolling going. How's it going with you? So the other day I went on a date with a woman And she announced She was pregnant At about 10 minutes Into the date. So how do you guys Deal with that? First date, 10 minutes in. First round draft pick Of an online date. And you get the announcement That yes, I'm actually

[15:00]I'm not drinking today. Not because I haven't Had a good experience With alcohol. It's not my thing. I'm allergic. It's yeah, I'm actually Pregnant. So that's my life. We can just move on. That's my life. Doesn't that seem like I mean, isn't that Something that There's got to be stuff That there's like rules Of things you have To disclose. You would think so. So could you tell Did it come out? Like, could you As she walked out? You walked up to the table And you're like, well, I'm curious about Whether this woman Is pregnant or not. Or did you like, How did this Was it a complete Surprise to you? Nope. Couldn't tell. Okay. Okay. So early on early, Early in the process. Okay. Just an announcement. There was an announcement About five minutes And we were ordering a drink And she had mentioned Before that she Did not drink. And I was like, That's fine. I don't care. Teach their own. And she said it again. We were sitting there For a few minutes. I was like, okay. And then she said, I'm pregnant. And I was like, I, I thought it was a joke. I thought it was a joke.

[16:00]And then it came up Another time and it was Clear it was not. It was, Yeah, This, This is my life. So on the second date, Did you like figure out The backstory? Yeah. Third date, You're in the hospital Holding a leg. Oh no. Oh no. I don't even know How to respond. This is my life. We can just fucking move on. David Bowie. No, I kind of, I do kind of want to Peel into this a little bit. Please peel. It's an idea. There's, There's plenty, What exactly did you say When she said, I'm pregnant And you said, Ha ha ha. And then she goes, No, I'm actually pregnant. I can't drink. Like how much longer Does the date go on then? And did the thought Cross your mind of like, I can raw dog. You know what I mean? She's not going to get Pregnant again. She's not. It's the ultimate birth control. I actually, I don't know if I can Ever take this back And I sit, I'm just going to be quiet. I can't take it back.

[17:00]I did read a news article On like CNN Or something this week Where a woman Had two different children Within like three months Of each other Where they were conceived While she was pregnant. So that may or may not Have crossed my mind. Possible. Oh, I think I found my new kink. This is weird. This is going to get really weird. This is not good. I got nothing on this. So no, But how long, Did the date last after that? Like, What do you do after that? I mean, Do you, We continued our brunch. I don't know. That's good. That's, That's the gentlemanly thing to do. And so at that point, You're just like, Well, I'm going to get a meal out of this. Did she order two brunches? She did. She did not order two, But I, He's eating for two. I'm eating for two. Drinking for zero. I'm eating for two. I got a feeling she was paying for, She was paying for zero on this day too. I got a feeling she was paying for zero. Russ is paying for two. You got to get a little quicker on that Monday night exit on the,

[18:00]I mean, If you can't laugh, You would cry over this type of shit, Right? Eating for two, But paying for zero. When she sees the bill come in, She's like, Oh boy. So yeah. I mean, Think of the money you'd save on condoms, Russell. It'd be in the millions. I think that's a great cost benefit. You got to think about it. You know what I mean? You know, It's your yellow pad. It puts the positives on the one side of the negatives on the other. And I would say it would get tougher and tougher because I think it is Important. Like if you break up with somebody, Especially if you've been dating for a while to do it in a public place, I would say you have until they're about six months pregnant and then dumping Them in a public place is problematic, Right? If you're dating somebody who's visibly pregnant and you have to break up in a Public place, That looks really, Really bad where you're just like, Yeah, This isn't really working out. Well, See you later. And everybody, Everybody looks around. They're like, Wait, What? You're just like,

[19:00]That would be that. You know, Rob, That's the, That's the thinking three or four step. That's playing chess instead of checkers. And that's why we appreciate you as the lead host of this podcast. Cause that's, That's how you know, So made host, The main host of this podcast. Yeah. If you miss your window though, You're in big, Big trouble. So, Russell, That, I have to say, I am kind of reevaluating what I was saying earlier about my marriage and all Those jokes I was making about the, Marriage phone sex line. My life does sound, Better than that. Okay. Not going to lie. All right. So I was referencing their mom. I was doing a joke about a phone sex line for married couples where it'd be Like, Oh, I did the dishes and I didn't even tell you about it. Hmm. Do you think that's funny? Or like I, I, I not only did I do the dishes, I also cleaned out the sink inside. Hmm. I'm having a hard time laughing at any joke about that sort of thing. So you might just have to, You'd have to start over on that. All right. Well, She did laugh at some of the Monday night football plugs that I put in there.

[20:00]So, Okay. So what I do is that when I'm doing this podcast, I also have this sound effect board, So I can also play sound effects. But as you can see, I, I, I think, I feel like I do have great restraint and I don't play them too much. I let, I kind of let the podcast breathe. So what do you think of the podcast so far? If you had to grade it, It's pretty good. And one of the things I like about it is that people aren't talking over each Other all the time, Which some people do on podcasts, Which I find very annoying. What podcast do you listen to? Well, I listen. I, Which is some that I've tried that I have not done a second time. I'm, You know, Quite addicted to revisionist history. Oh, That's my, My bent. Did they have a part about dating a pregnant person? Was that a role? But they have some quite amusing parts and, And some of the stories I think could fit right in. Oh, Hey, There we go. Great plug for my mom. Us and revisionist history. And I am also not telling you the title of the podcast because I don't Actually want you to listen, But that was from our David Bowie episode. So this next one, This is a, So then, What I would do is I would take a song from the album and make a

[21:00]Parody song. And that's how the, The episode starts. Good. So, Oh yeah, Thank you. So with Russell, I made a parody of a Prince had an album called sign of the times, And he had a song called sign of the times. And so what I did is I made a parody song called pickup lines. Got it. Did you, Did you, Has anybody ever used a pickup line on you? Not for about a hundred years. Did you know any pickup lines? I don't think so. Okay. That's that's good. Or, Or not whatever. So, Oh, And there's one term I have to explain to you. Do you, Have you ever heard the term Bay? No, B A E. It means before anyone else. Oh, So you'd say, Oh, Like, Oh, You're my Bay. And that was short for, Okay. So this is sign of the times, But it's pickup lines. Okay. And again, I'm a character on this. Oh, Russell, This is a great bar. Yeah. Let's, Let's go talk to some ladies. Let me see you some of your, What you got here. Hey baby,

[22:00]What's going on? You play soccer. Oh, You look like a keeper. You know, I always thought happiness started with an H, But it looks like it starts with you. Say, Do you have an Instagram? My mom always told me to follow my dreams. Is that a mirror in your pants? Cause I can see myself in them. Hey ladies, I'm Russ. If you're feeling down, I can feel you up. Say pretty baby, There's something wrong with my phone. Your number's not in it. Baby. If you were words on a page, I know you'd be the fine print. Baby, You must be a library book. Cause I keep checking you out. Baby, You should be hanging in a museum. Cause you're a work of art. Hey, I'm writing an article on the finer things in life. Could I interview you?

[23:00]Oh yeah. Lines. Russ's pickup lines. Oh, Excuse me. Do you like bagels? Cause you're my Bay goals. Oh, Are you a model? Huh? You not? Well, Baby, When did you quit? Did I tell you I run Spotify? Now you're on the hot singles list, Baby. You're so beautiful. You're. You're so hot. Even my zipper's falling for you. Hey, Do you have an inhaler? Cause you have got that ass. Lines. Russ's pickup lines. Hey, I'm researching important dates in history. Do you want to be mine? Hey, Does anybody here want to go halfsies on a baby? When you want, That's kind of fitting. Sorry. The last clip we listened to. Yes. Anything to say about that? How I guess I'm getting pretty old. Well,

[24:00]You can picture me sitting at my kitchen table while the girls are around and I'm recording those songs. Good one. And you're proud of me as I like the library book. Check out. That was my favorite. That's your, That's your favorite one. That's a good one. That's a classic intellectual pickup line. Yeah. Or like, Are you from Tennessee? You're the only 10 I see. I said that to my mom. Wish I wouldn't have done that. It's kind of a regret. All right. So moving on, My mom's giving me the big thumbs down. So this was from our, One of our first episodes we did actually recorded this here at the cabin last year. This is from beach boys, Pet sounds. And this is one where we actually got an advertisement, Resort up in Northern Minnesota. And so he asked if we could do an advertisement in the middle of it. And he asked each one of us to kind of riff something in the middle of it. And so this is, This, This one is titled, Wife swap. And it's just a joke. Okay. It's not, I don't actually want a wife swap. It seems like a lot of work. All right. So here we go. Beck did it better. This is, This reminds me more of beach boys.

[25:00]I'm used to though. You know, I agree. Go to the beach in my hot rod. Yeah. Now this is not the beach boys. I'm used to either. None of these songs on this album. Is there one song about the beach? No, It's, It's false advertising, Right? And really in the pandemic world, A lot of us are missing trips to the beach. Oh, But for those of you who are listening, Who are living in the Midwest and don't want to take a flight to the coast to See Aaron out in Oakland, You still need that beach time. But Russ, What can we do about that? There, There can't be anywhere we can go where we could find a beach that we could Relax on. There is actually Rob. It's great. You asked that. I want to recommend that you take your family trip to Cole's resort on big Turtle Lake in Bemidji, Minnesota. Cole's resort is one of Minnesota's historic resorts and has been providing Families with the chance to make a lifetime of memories. Since the 1960s goals resort has 20 cabins.

[26:00]And guess what, Rob, They have air conditioning and every single one of them. That's big. Now, What are some of your guys' favorite things to do at the beach? Aaron, When you go to the beach, What do you love to do? I love to paddleboard. You know what, Aaron, If you were to go to Cole's, You don't even have to pack your paddleboard. They have free paddleboards for you to use up there at the beach. Matt, What do you like to do at the beach? Well, You know, I'm not really a sand guy. I really like to kind of hang out on like a pontoon or a boat and just Get out on the water. Matt, Matt Cole's resort up at Bemidji, Minnesota has boats and pontoons for your rental. All sorts for you. You don't even need them. You don't even need to hook up your trailer. You just go up there and they'll help you out. Rob, What do you love to do at the beach? I like to wife swap. And just this week only, If you're at Cole's resort and you say you're there for the wife swap, They'll give you 30% off. That's 30% off. Go up to the desk and say, I'm here for the wife swap. Rob, I also know that you love to be outside at the beach. But you don't want to get sunburned for, For those of you who sunburn easily,

[27:00]They've got an indoor pool. And for those of you who can't stand your kids and need to get away for a Few hours, You can stop in at liar's lounge bar and restaurant for a drink. So when you get done listening to this album, You need some beach time and you need to get away from that wife swap, Which you can't handle the second one either. Resort your cabinet, Cole's resort, In Bemidji, Minnesota. That's K O H L S resort. And tell the owners that Beck did it better. I'm sure. I'm sure the owners will be thrilled with the wife swap portion of this Advertisement. Beck did it better. And I'm here for the wife swap. If they have somebody come up to them and say wife swap and they want a Discount, We officially have the most successful podcast of all time. My life goal. I don't care if my kids, My kids start smoking meth and never go to college. If somebody goes to Cole's resort and goes up to the thing and says,

[28:00]I'm here for the wife swap, I will feel like my life has been worth it. Everything I've done has been leading up to that moment. Can you imagine Russ is scooping ice cream and drinking a hundred beers or Whatever you did the other week and when you're up there and somebody comes In and goes, I'm here for the wife swap and Russ just immediately like Texas knows. I'm sure the owner would have no problem clicking on a button on a Laptop of his and saying, Oh, We'll definitely give you that 12% discount for the wife. Yeah. Oh, That's cabin nine. All right. I just wasn't made for these times. Touchy feely Brian Wilson. I do love the song though. And it's not, It doesn't seem like it's that popular on the Amazon streaming. Aaron and Matt, One thing you guys were talking about earlier is how like this is kind of More cutting open a vein or getting personal than maybe a Beatles album. And I think you're right. If you're looking, It's like, He's just looking for a band. He's looking for a place to fit in. He's looking for where he belongs. Right. And aren't we all kind of looking for that to some extent?

[29:00]Yeah. And I don't think, I think the Beatles probably wrote about that, But not so directly the way Brian Wilson was willing to say, Like, Sometimes I feel very sad, Which like is the literal most human emotion you could like communicate. And the Beatles were, I was like, Talk the way around it. But Brian was like, I'm just going to say it. Can you imagine a band like kiss or like Motley Crue writing a song like This where they're like, Sometimes I get sad. I don't know what to do. I would like to hear Motley Crue cover it. I'd love to hear Motley Crue cover this. So good. All right. We should talk about Motley Crue in one of these episodes. All right. Next one. Pet sounds. Is this the worst title track of any album in the top 10? Forever. Hello. This sounds like one of those, Like surf music instrumental, Right? It is an instrumental. This, This was the one I talked about earlier where there are 20, 22 instruments, 52 musicians on this song. Wow. Oh,

[30:00]Well, I don't even know 52 people that would want to talk to me, Let alone that would play instruments in a small room with me. You could hire them. We haven't released this podcast yet. You could hire 52 people. Do you think that we definitely can once we get that, Once we get that sponsorship money? Oh my God. Resort up in Bemidji, Minnesota. We'll be paying out so much in discounts though. Right. God dang wife swap. Russ, Everybody's up here swapping wives. I'm broke. Cabin one, Cabin four, Cabin five, Cabin 12, The upper level of the big cabin. Oh my God. The big cabin. That's just constant wife swapping. I'm not making any money. I put cabin five with cabin seven. Turns out they're actually married. Oh, They're mad at me too. The people were on the canoe. The people that using the kayaks are all swapping. I'm not making any money. So it was the concept of wife swap. Is that funny to you? Oh, I think it is kind of at a resort in Minnesota. This is tough sitting here and listening to this to you and then having people watch.

[31:00]This is tough to do. Forgot about the whole keys in the dish kind of thing. Okay. No, This is gone from funny to not funny. That was the seventies. No, We're not doing that. Okay. So moving on, This is flipped around and now I don't want to be here anymore. All right, We're going to do. So I, What I did with that is that I then turned that into a song. This is by an artist called Kanye West. Have you ever heard of Kanye West? Sure. Because he's related. He's related to Kim. Otherwise I wouldn't have. Yes. He was married to Kim Kardashian for a bit. So I, They, He had a song called all of these lights on his dark. This is off the, The episode that was dark twisted fantasy. And so this was the very first parody song I ever did after that thriller. The thriller was kind of a halfway. So I don't think, And I, And I did one about Russ selling knives. Cause he had a job selling knives. Did you ever know anybody that did that where they did the cut code knives? Definitely Matt, Your brother-in-law. Oh, Did he? Yeah. Was he, Suzanne, Was he good at it? Yeah, I bet he, No, He wasn't very good at it. He handed it to him with like, He was holding the knife part and they had the handle.

[32:00]He's like, Ah, My hand. Or he hands it to him with an, They have the blade part and they cut their hands. That's the funnier part. I'm going to edit that. So it sounds funny, Mom. Don't worry. That's what I do with this podcast. But I did one called all of these knives. And so this is, This is a, A one I did about wife swapping called all of these wives at it. What's up everybody. Welcome to K Rob K R O B. This next song is a hit song about when yours, Truly went on a cruise and it turned out there was a buffet and some wife Swapping action. Oh yeah. Here it is. All of them. Wives. I'm on a cruise. I'm with my spouse. Feel so good to get out the house. We meet some folks. We think they're nice. We're hanging out.

[33:00]I talk with the wife. Go back my room. Phone starts ringing. The folks are calling. Turns out big on swinging. Go to their room. His name is John. Lots of couples there. It turns out the swap is on. My wife, Your wife, His wife, That wife. What a life. I'm disappointed. All of the wives. That life, Your wife, My wife, My wife, His wife. I'm disappointed. Yeah. All of the wives. So what basically happens that we get a joke that we think is funny and then we do it. My wife is happy, But the rest of them cry. When you want to hear about it. So that was the Kanye West wife swap one. So now that's kind of, That's kind of Russ's section. I want to get to talking about Aaron. Okay. So Aaron is, He lives out in California. He was a vocal performance major and he's really, Really into music. He's like the one guy who actually knows a lot about music. Like if you asked him who his favorite jazz drummer is, He'd have like five different answers for you. And he often talks about very boring things,

[34:00]But he also talks about things that are insane. He just says crazy things because he thinks that they're interesting. He lives in a very small house out in California. And so at some point I told him that I made the joke that he was really into People's feet, Like a foot fetish. You know what I'm talking about? I know what you're talking about, But I don't want to. Okay. So yeah. So I made the joke that he was really into feet, He's not at all. But when that happens and it turns out that it's funny, Then we do it over and over. So here's a song I made on the Aretha Franklin episode, Which by the way, If you haven't heard that album, It's a great album. This is, This is, It's, It spells out P I C's of F W T's. And now here to sing America, The beautiful, The queen of soul. It's Aretha Franklin. This podcast is free.

[35:00]It don't cost no money. And Aaron laughs at things that are funny. After Aaron says, Can you guys text to me? Yeah, Baby. Text to me. Pictures to my phone. Just a little bit. Oh baby. Just a little bit. He wants P I C's of F W T's. He needs to see those pictures, Please. P I C's of F W T's. Dirty feet of your wifey's, Please. Just some feet. For Aaron's phone. Just a little bit. Just some feet. Just a little bit. For Aaron's phone. Just a little bit. So he can beat. Just a little bit. His little bone. Just a little bit. No, Russ, I don't, I don't like that you wrote that. Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, Rear, So then I wanted to,

[36:00]So one thing Aaron loves more than anything else is that Aaron has a job. I don't know what he does exactly. He's explained it to me a number of times. I have no idea, But he almost never is at work. Like he thinks a full day of work was like four hours, But he's got that kind of California lifestyle that I think we're so jealous of. Have you ever, Have you ever thought about living in California? Do you think you could do that? I would love it. Really? Yes. All that driving around. Well, I don't know. I think I'd bike. Oh my God. That's so, That's so active of you, Mom. So he lives out in Oakland and he lives in a very small house and he does some job. I don't know what it is, But basically every, Every week he's like, Yeah, I worked two hours today and then I went hiking for 10 hours or whatever. Like, I think he has a very good work life balance. Yes. Well, That's not even a balance. That's an imbalance. The other direction. Well, He's, He's mastered. He's kind of this, He's kind of the generation does do this. Now he's, He's going to talk about a hike in this. Now you used to take us hiking all the time growing up. What was that like hiking with three kids? I've tried hiking with my two girls.

[37:00]It's an absolute nightmare. How do you go hiking with three kids? Cause I remember every single Christmas picture we've ever had from us. Hiking is all of us frowning. That is, There was a lot of complaining, But on the whole, Then finally, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I discovered the ranger program and I sent you out with the rangers. And as much as you didn't want to do stuff for me, You love being with those hiking rangers. That's always true. Isn't it? If you have kids, If you want to do it, They're like, No, Absolutely not. But if you have somebody else teach them how to do it, Right. I had to do that with Amelia skiing where I was like, Well, I can ski. I can take Amelia skiing and teach her how absolute nightmare. But as soon as I took her to a private lesson, She loved it. And you know why, You know what the instructor had the whole time? Popsicles. Oh, I got skiing. They're so cold. No, She had peanut M and M's about every five seconds. She would reach up and like stuff went into her mouth and say, Oh, You're doing a great job. Snow plowing and stuff like that. Genius. Yeah. Genius teacher. So Aaron is here. He's going to talk about hiking and going on a, On a trip. If you were going hiking mom, What kind of food would you pack? Like if you're just going on a day hike. Oh, Maybe a sandwich,

[38:00]A little dried bars. Yeah. I think that sounds like a normal thing. Let's see what Aaron brought on his hike. By the way, I want to say this, Right? We're talking about Rolling Stone, But when we ask them what they're doing, We say rolling, Going at it. Do you think that's whoever came up with that? Do you think that's clever? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I came up with that. All right, Here we go. Rolling, Going Aaron. How's it going with you? It's going great. It's a, It was a beautiful day today. I took the day off to go hiking with my lady. So I spent the day in the forest, But what I, What I want to talk about euphemism, What'd you get? What'd you guys do in the forest? What does that mean? We went hiking in the forest. Why would you say it like that? That's so dirty. Oh my God. My kids are listening to this. Stay above board. Stay above board. Anyway. Did you wear thick boots? You know damn well what happened in the forest, Aaron. Did you bring your walking stick? You know what I'm talking about. Don't leave him without it. Did you pack a picnic lunch? You don't want to talk about it. Come on now. We did it. Yeah, we had some cheese tortellini in one of our stainless steel containers.

[39:00]I mean if you ask me about food, it's going to happen. That's stainless steel. It was just hard. What did you eat it with? Okay, now wait a minute, wait a minute. We do have to pause here because I'm going to kick myself. There's occasions where I'm editing the podcast and I will listen to something Rosie says And I realize I didn't step in to make fun of him. And I have never not regretted that moment. So I do have to say this. You went hiking and you did pack a lunch. Correct. And the lunch you packed is cheese tortellini. Yes. Okay. That classic hiking treat. So how did you just eat cold tortellini as you were hiking or what's going on here? I don't understand. No, we sat down. It was that's not what I asked really, but we, we, it was easy because We could, cook a bunch of tortellini this morning, put some of it in my son's lunch For school, pack the rest of it in our lunch, throw some cheese on there. No, wait, stop, stop. Your son, like your three-year-old son brings tortellini as his school lunch.

[40:00]Yeah. He loves it. Matt, how often did you, there's no way like Matt showed up when he was a five-year-old Who didn't have peanut butter and jelly and had cheese tortellini. It's just pasta with cheese in it. It's not that weird. No, no, no, no. There's no way other kids have cheese tortellini at lunch. There's always, there's always one of those kids. All right. Eddie always comes home from his preschool and is like, Charlie had soup today. What? Like his parents sent like a thermos along with him. Like, oh man, that's, that's aggressive. So I do send a thermos with the girls to lunch because they want hot pasta. What am I supposed to do? I have to do what they want, right? Right. Did you, now I remember having hot lunch all the time. Growing up, which I didn't mind. I love the hot lunches there. I had like the Italian dunkers and stuff like that. Did you ever pack lunches? Cause we're constantly packing lunches for the girls. Did I ever pack lunches? That's not what I meant. I knew you're maybe not for you, but your sisters did not go for the hot lunches. You were easy because they had French fries. You could spill the ketchup all over your shirt, but the girls had a little more high class

[41:00]Approach to it. Yeah. That sounds about right. That they would get everything and I would have to go to school and walk uphill both Ways. Oh yeah. It was a real struggle. Yeah, exactly. I do. I was, did I ever tell you I ran into Ms. Wright when I was teaching at Rochester? No. And I was, she was teaching and she said, oh yeah, I remember one time I duct taped You into your chair cause you wouldn't stop getting up and walking around. I was like in fifth grade. Sometimes I think about that when I have students who I'm like, this student doesn't stop talking And all he wants is attention. I just think of you and I'm like, oh yeah, that's, remember we'd go to conferences and Cause I say this sometimes at conferences too. I say, well, your child is very social. Yeah. What does that mean? Yeah. It means you fool around a lot. Well, or maybe I'm working to become a famous podcaster. Right. So that, so Aaron loves to talk about what he eats. And so I put all those clips into a song and for the Carole King episode for her tapestry Album. Ooh, I love that. Instead of, how does it, sometimes I feel like a natural woman. I did, what's Aaron's meal. Got it.

[42:00]So this is some clips mixed in. I got the big sir melt. What I'm gonna say, which is a grilled cheese that has shrimp in it on this evening's podcast Tuesday of this week. I cooked a nine pound brisket. I've been thinking about it all day. We ate black eyed peas and collard greens. So that was good. I better think of something real fast. We did it. Yeah. We had some cheese turbanini in one of our, stainless steel. Yeah. Then I think about the stories and rolling goings from Aaron and I realized I can do Just like him and do the absolute bare minimum. Like what's Aaron's meal? Like what's Aaron's meal? Like what's Aaron's meal that he made instead of working?

[43:00]Like what's Aaron's meal? But we made a big switch. About two weeks ago, we switched from, veggie sausage to veggie ham. So those are the kind of things like every week we were supposed to bring one story and It's supposed to inspire a conversation, right? All of those were Aaron's stories about a grilled cheese and shrimp sandwich. Now earlier, Aaron referred to his wife as his lady. What do you think about that? That's okay. That's okay. Okay. Well, that blows my mind. Although I think it's quite close to the expression. The wife, that's, that's, you don't like it when it's just the wife is the wife Is a little, demeaning. Yeah. You don't ever hear people say the husband, but lady, I can live with it. You lady. Okay. That's interesting. That's good to know. All right. So now here's one that I wish I wouldn't have picked for this. This is when now Aaron's, brother called in. So we also have, I've set up a voicemail line for the show.

[44:00]I set up a Google voice number. People can call 802-277-BECK. And they can call. They can come into the podcast and tell us what they think. And we're just getting flooded with calls and texts all the time. It's crazy. I don't know what you get. It's absolutely crazy. This is a story about how Aaron was allergic, to a certain, what is anise? Is it an herb or is it a herb or a spice? I'm not sure. It's a licorice tasting. Oh, it's terrible. What is it? What's the main food that anise is in? Cause he, he's making pho in this, like the Vietnamese soup. Oh, but I don't know what it is. I don't know what it's normally in it. Cause I, I avoided all costs. That's higher level than I go for. Yeah. Well, that's like when Jenny wants snacks around the house that nobody's going to eat. She buys black jelly beans because she knows that none of us are going to eat it. Do you like black jelly beans? Do you like black licorice? No, no, no. I can't stand it. No, it's disgusting. You're right. So this is a joke. I, the joke here is, is embarrassing. I'm just going to say that right now. And it's not me. I can live with it.

[45:00]I just won't look your way. Okay. So this is from our Amy Winehouse back to black episode. And let's get right to our voicemail. Kiss my ass. Dumb shit listeners. They can't even tell what we're doing. No, they're back. They're just the dumbest of the dumb. Hey gentlemen, this is a close personal relative of Aaron's. I felt compelled to call in. I was texting Aaron yesterday, trying to identify one of the ingredients in the Vietnamese noodle soup pho. He identified the ingredient as anise, actually star anise. And then he proceeded to tell me that. He's allergic to anise, which means he can't eat anise. So just wanted to let you guys know that Aaron did tell me that his face gets all red, itchy, and blotchy anytime he eats anise. You gotta shave beforehand, Aaron. What the fuck?

[46:00]You gotta watch out for pink eye, dude. So while the rest of us are out enjoying anise eating season, not worrying about it Aaron actually cannot eat anise. And so. Aaron's rolling going is completely what the fucker-ing right now. The pregnant pauses are great. I've never heard Rob be this silent on the podcast. There's no way we've ever gotten 18 seconds without Rob. I've got to admit, I laughed about this for about 10 minutes when I heard it the first time. So it's kind of not funny to me anymore. I don't know. I don't know. In fact, I don't think there is an anise eating season. Like, I also don't enjoy anise, Aaron. I'm not allergic to it. I don't like it. But I've always thought maybe I just tried the wrong anise because it always, to me, that anise always tastes like black licorice. And I'm wondering if maybe it's prepared a different way. Maybe I'd like anise more. I don't know. Let's keep listening. So I just thought that it was good information for you guys to have. Love the podcast. You know, happy to be able to call in and let you know that Aaron is unable to eat anise due to an allergy.

[47:00]Which players up when he eats anise. Thanks for everything, guys. You really need to get that checked out, Aaron. The, the truth of the matter is I, he's, I, he, the, the caller is trying to set me up for this. What? But I'm going to go with it. Eating anise. I can eat anise. I can't cook it. The thing that happened is that we tried cooking food at home. Yeah. And when. No kink shaming. Rule number one. That's true. We did have a written agreement. There would be no kink shaming on this podcast. That in my relationship, in my marriage, we tried anise too. And it did turn out that the cook was too big. So, I don't know. Maybe you need to add some more. I don't know. Olive oil or something. Maybe that'll help. That'll help with your anise. Is that a possibility? Yeah.

[48:00]The truth of the matter is that Aaron, it could have been something you were eating. With the anise. Yeah. The anise that gave you the reaction. Latex or something. I'm not. Yeah. It's been a while now since I tried. But again, it was more that in cooking it, my face turned all red and blotchy. And I even had to douse my face in milk to try to fix it. Side note. My son thinks this is a hilarious story. I'm sure he does. I'm sure he does. Yeah. He really thinks that's funny. That's good. You know, he's one of our top listeners, actually. I think. He might have sent in that voicemail, actually. I cut out that part at the beginning where he said, I've actually earned son. And again, I cannot remember the name of your kid. So that's not going to affect the joke at all. But so. So shut up for a second. First of all, that is very funny. That voicemail was very good. Second of all. That's one of our better voicemails ever. I'm not letting you just go by by saying you doused your face in milk. And then I'm not going to talk about that. So what exactly do you mean you doused your face in milk? Did you pour milk on your face or did you make a bowl full of milk and then put your face into it or what?

[49:00]Yeah, I think I made a bowl full and dunked it. And so, yeah, we tried to make pho at home. Now, why did you do that? That's a very dumb thing to do. Why did you do that? Because my face felt terrible. We tried to make pho at home, which I don't recommend. Like, just go out to eat pho. Don't try to make it at home. No, and I love, to be honest, I love pho. Me too. I think it's so good. It's delicious. You probably don't need to go out to have the anise, though, do you? You can probably just stay at home for that. No, you can stay at home for that. And it depends if it's not very good at home. You got to get out. Yeah. Well, Aaron doesn't like the pho. He doesn't like pho at home, so he gets to pho out and about. That's where he finds he can't eat anise. Something about the fumes cooking it in the air made my face all I didn't know what the fuck I had. I was trying to figure out how to cool the burning sensation on my face. So this anise is spicy, is what you're saying. Yeah, very spicy. Yeah. Would you say you had some hot anise action?

[50:00]Next time, you better stick with that cheese. Tordellini on those hikes. Yeah, that would have been a better move. Yeah, that would have been a much better move. Do you have, like, a visceral reaction every time you see some anise? Is this, like, a problem when you're out in public? I think you should add some anise to those cheese Tordellini hikes. I mean, spice it up a little bit. Variety is the spice of life, Rob. I do all these very dumb jokes aside, which I saw coming from about noon today. And by the way, that's the best voicemail we've ever gotten. Sorry, all of Matt's friends. Although I would like to, actually, I would, if one of Matt's friends could actually call in and do that same call, but with the accent, I think it would be very. With the Duluth accent? Yeah, be like, oh, yeah, oh, yeah. Just to let you know, Aaron can't eat anise. He gets all red and blotchy, yeah? But I do have to say, like, I like the idea that you think that your rashy face is, like, eating too much salsa and you have to eat milk. You have to pour milk.

[51:00]Do you just pour milk over anything that, like, hurts or what? I was at a loss, man. I didn't know. I didn't know what to do. We didn't have anything else in the house. But, like, in all reality, like, water doesn't work, like, on spices. Like, if you eat wings that are too hot and stuff, you don't drink water. You drink milk. Right. So is that what we were thinking? Yeah. Yeah, and if I get a bug bite and it hurts really bad, I pour milk all over it. Like, it makes total sense to me. I get it. Do you guys remember that show, Man vs. Food, where he would eat, like, the really big meals or the really hot stuff? Yeah. Maybe Aaron should have a new TV show where it's Aaron vs. Anise. And it's just Aaron, like, every episode is Aaron eating anise in a different part of the show. In a different part of the world. I like that. Different anise after different anise. I think that's a great idea. And I what? And I didn't even say anything about being star anise. So I'm pretty happy with that. I'm pretty proud of myself. It's really kudos to everyone involved. Really just wonderful. Thank you. We showed great restraint. Did you ever, oh, I'm going to be quiet. I'll have to tell Rob to delete it anyways. Move along. Okay. So, first of all, I just want to explain to everybody the setup here.

[52:00]I'm recording this with my mom sitting next door at the cabin. My family is on a Zoom watching us listen to this, Which I can't imagine they don't have anything better to do. But I am trying not to laugh at all my own jokes. And it's really hard because some of them do make me laugh. I did get a text, though, from a family member. And they wanted to know, do you get the double entendre there? In that last one. Of the anise? Yeah. Not really. No. I think it's anus. It sounds a lot like anus. I guess that just passes me by even after explanation. Okay, good. That's good. Great. So, I do want to crawl into a hole and die right now. I think that's probably, that would be the number one thing I want to do. So, thank you to the caller who sent in that text. I do appreciate it. All right. Thanks, Suzanne. No, it could be anybody. So, here's the thing. Is that Aaron did, so that was Aaron's brother. And Aaron's brother still lives in Iowa where Aaron grew up. And so, Aaron had to, or got to, I should say,

[53:00]In the middle of kind of the pandemic, Aaron's brother decided to go Through with the wedding. That was a choice that he made. And so, Aaron went to the wedding. It was a big discussion we had about whether you go to the wedding. He's got a child at home and the child's in a pod for school. So, they want to make sure it was as safe as possible. So, Aaron's solution was to go to the wedding. And then when he came home, he was going to quarantine. But the house is so small that guess where he had to quarantine? The bathroom? Well, no, that's a great guess though. But he actually had to quarantine the same place he records, which is his garage. Got it. So, he had to sleep in a tent in the garage for one week. Okay. Now, there is this garage sleeping story with you. Oh, yes. What was that story with the sleeping in the garage? Well, it was not my fault. I refuse to tell the story. You know what? As a parent, I don't think it was a bad decision. I would be upset too. Robert did something that annoyed me so much. He said he'd turned in a paper, promised me he'd turned it in. Yeah. And all of a sudden, at about three in the morning, I opened up his backpack and there it was.

[54:00]So, step one, three in the morning, question mark. I was really annoyed with it. Well, it was maybe 11 o'clock and really annoyed. And so, I was so mad at him that I put him out in the garage and closed the door and turned the light off. And what month was this in Minnesota? Yeah, maybe November. Oh, no. Like December. And you know what my punishment is for that forever and ever? Calling human services? No, I'm now a seventh grade science teacher. And you know what students tell me all the time? Their parents lock them in the garage? No, nobody is actually. Nobody ever said that to me. But they say all the time, they say, oh, yeah, I turned that in. You must have lost it. So, they switch it around on me. And you know what I think when they say that? For a millisecond? Maybe I did lose it. You think for a millisecond. Do you have a garage? It's in my bag. But see, I do think part of the problem was I did have a diaper bag for a backpack. And I would just stuff everything in the folders. That's just bullshit. No. No, we got to beat that up. So, here's the thing is that now what I do.

[55:00]You would be so impressed with how hard I've worked on my organization from that. So, I've actually learned. And now, do you know how much stuff I've ever lost? Zero of students. And I'm very proud of that fact. Yeah, that is true. Once you're a teacher who loses stuff, you get that reputation forever. And so, I think that sleeping in that garage taught me a great lesson. But this isn't about me, ma'am. Okay. This podcast is not about me. It's about the shared community with the guys. So, this is Aaron sleeping, talking to us about having to sleep in a tent in his garage. Now, the funny part is that he doesn't have a garage that can close from the inside. So, his wife has to close him in. Okay. No swapping? No swapping? No, please don't say swapping to me. That I really don't like. The other thing is, oh, there's a joke here that one time I was talking to Aaron about Heating something up in the microwave and he says he doesn't own a microwave. Wow. But that's just who Aaron is. Are you kind of getting a good idea of who Aaron is? Yeah, right. I understand the type of person he is. Yeah, exactly. So, this is the Aaron in the tent. He's California. He's straight Iowa to California.

[56:00]He's very California. So, let's check this out. Aaron in the tent. From our Purple Rain episode. One of our best, by the way. Nice work. How's it going, Rosie? How's it going? It's rolling. It's rolling. Going good. It's going differently than it's ever been. I killed the whole podcast. I'm coming to you live from my podcast studio, which is currently also my house. I'm living in the garage this week. I had the honor to travel. Is the rat there with you or not? Yeah. Yeah. So, that's a funny story. I can hear the rats at night. Yep. I hear them scrambling around in the nighttime. You got to trim that ivy, man. Trim that ivy. Trim that ivy, yeah. On Sunday night, it was a hellacious windstorm, so I couldn't hear the rats. But last night, I heard them pretty well. Yes, I had the honor of traveling to Iowa for one of our best listeners' wedding. And that was a wonderful time.

[57:00]So, my family. But I did see, I left my usual bubble. So, I'm cool. I'm quarantining in the garage. And I think the most interesting part about that is that my garage as you guys Can imagine, I don't live in like a typical house. So, our garage does not have an automatic door. It has a manual door that slides and only closes with a padlock. So, my wife locks me in the garage. Oh, no. No. I don't even want to hear this at all. This seems like a fire hazard. This is bad. I don't even want to know this right now. This is terrible. You have a door? You have a door on your... I would never trust my wife to lock me in a garage and then later come let me out. Do you, like, tell a friend how to get you out just in case? Oh, my God. I go out the window. So, our backyard is locked. And, like, there's a gate to our backyard that's locked. So, then I hop out the window. So, like, when I have to go to the bathroom at night, I just hop out the window and go In the backyard. It's like the reverse of that Beatles song. That rat's looking at you like, what the hell are you doing, man? Instead of coming in the bathroom window, you're going out the window to go to the bathroom.

[58:00]It's a whole switcheroo. I know. But I will say... It's been... It's not opposite day. Yeah. So, I'm here at least until Friday when I get a COVID test that hopefully comes back Negative and then I'll be back. Or Sunday if your wife decides to give you a little more punishment, you sick freak. Aaron, the real question is, is how many microwaves do you have hit out there and how many bags Of microwave popcorn are popping right now? I mean, I would have those things rolling right now. No, he puts the microwave, he puts it right into a thing of plastic and microwaves that And he's like, yeah, I can do what I want out here. It's a man cave. I could just picture his wife just pulling that door down and just locking that locket, Just walking away with the biggest cheesing grin. He's fucking gone all night. Freeze. Free at last. Free at last. So, do you have like an hour left? Does she have to lock you in at like 6 p.m. Or how long do you have to be in there for? I mean, she usually locks me in about 9. Tonight, she locked me in early because I wasn't here doing the podcast.

[59:00]This seems like a bad episode of that Desperate Housewives show or whatever that was back in the day. And then I have a tent set up in here so the rats don't get into the tent. And then I got the air mattress in the tent. Last night, I listened to a podcast while I was going to sleep. Michelle and Degue Ocello on Heat Rocks talking about Purple Rain. So, that was wonderful. And yeah we're living. I got a lot of snacks out here. It's pretty good. Okay, shut up. We're still talking about you being locked in the garage by your wife. And then you're talking about how this is just like a normal. Okay, so then what I asked you to do was, I asked Aaron to do is that he was in the garage for a week. So, he was going to be kind of bored, right? So, I asked him to make an audio diary of his time in the garage. Okay, so here's an audio diary. I do, I want to tell you, I did get to see the window he had to leave to go to the bathroom. And it was above his waist level. So, you can imagine him kind of going like head first and then having to twist around. I did just recently get a text from an audience member. Would you ever let dad lock you in the garage? I don't think so.

[1:00:00]That would be, you wouldn't trust him? Well. Well, I would be a little worried about the return. That's what I was thinking too. It doesn't seem safe at all. All right. So, let's do the tent diary. And I'm just going to warn you right now. The word erection comes up a lot. Okay. So, I. I can live with it. Oh, no. That's the answer I didn't want to hear. Okay. So, let's go. Speaking of that, let's get into my rolling going for today. All I want to talk about is Aaron in the garage. So, Aaron is. Aaron has. My rolling going is Aaron's in the garage. Yeah. So, I had so much cool stuff. I had so much cool stuff going on in my life. But this is all I talked about. I've talked about this with my wife for like hours and hours. She doesn't want to hear about it anymore. I just tell her the stories over and over. So, Aaron went to a wedding. So, he is now quarantining himself for a week out in his garage. We talked about it in the last episode. If you haven't heard it, go pause, rewind it. He has to go out and go to the bathroom at night outside. It's true. Out a window that is above his waist. It's true. He sleeps on an air mattress in a tent.

[1:01:00]And it turns out there are quite a few rats in the garage with him. But his wife locks him in every night. And he has to be locked in from outside. So, yes, his wife does lock him in. Aaron actually sent a video. Matt and Rob, I don't know if you saw this. His wife sent the video tonight of them walking out there. And I think he had a bottle of wine or something. But she's like literally going through this like speech about now she's going to lock the door and lock him in there. It felt very Green Mile-ish to me tonight. I was distracted by the video. I was distracted by the video because Aaron, when she was like, it's time to lock you in the garage, Aaron had a rock-hard erection. I don't think that's the point of this. Like, sick. But anyway, after the last recording, I basically forced Aaron to make an audio diary of his. And I have gone through and I have listened to them probably a hundred times, each time giving me more enjoyment than the last. And I have put together a highlight clip of Aaron outside. So let's listen as Aaron slowly loses his mind. So we started when? We started on Tuesday. Well, he'll describe it. All right.

[1:02:00]This is Trapped in a Tent, I guess. This is volume one. It's 1027. Nobody's there with you. Why are you so quiet? Yeah, I just want to wake up the rats. I just finished recording an episode of Beck Did It Better. So this is Tuesday. Zipped myself into my tent here. I'm going to read a couple chapters from Herbie Murakami's Hard Bowl 101 and the End of the World. It's not just for the podcast. He's like this in real life. And hopefully I'll have to wake up before about six tomorrow morning. So that's it for now. I realized Aaron just talked about some weird book that no one's ever heard of. So whether he's on the podcast or just like rambling. No, guys, we don't have time for this. We have 14 of these to get through. Here we go. Watch this. Oh, by the way, I'm going to say this. I'm going to play all these in a row at the end of the podcast. At the end of the podcast, we're going to play all these in a row. So if you want to hear all these in a row in here, Aaron slowly loses his mind. Listen to the end of the podcast. It's great. So here we go. Got a couple more here. I picked the highlights. Trapped in a Tent, volume two. It's 7 a.m. And why are you whispering? He's not asleep. This is Wednesday morning.

[1:03:00]This is what I sound like. Wes is going to yell at him, keep it down out there. I think one trip into the yard to use the facilities, around 1220. I heard some critter action in the garage around 540. Aaron has two concerns in the garage. Going to the bathroom and critters. Did I hear that right? Does Aaron have a white noise machine in his garage? Oh, I'm sure. You have a white noise machine in your garage? I use the white noise app on the phone. I use the white noise app on the phone. I use the white noise app on his phone. All right, moving on. I'll jump into number six. Trapped in a tent, volume six. It's almost 7 p.m. I've been out and about in the neighborhood with my mask on. While my son rode his scooter, so I got to see the light of day a bit. That was nice. This is the awkward part of the night where I'm not going in the house to put Wallace to bed. So my wife is entirely on that duty by herself. He took a nap today at school, so that means bedtime.

[1:04:00]That's the worst. That's bad. That's bad. That's bad. And I'm going to sit awkwardly on the porch until she can come out and drink a beer with Me and hope it doesn't last too long. Bedtime, that is. And I'll report back when it's time to lock me in my cave. If this ends with Aaron doing the, I'm so scared from the Blair Witch Project, we got To turn this off. I can't handle it. Barron's crying in the corner. Now we have one I just wrote critters next to it. All right. Trapped in a tent. I think this is volume seven. This is a wrap for Wednesday. It's 10 p.m. This is one day. He's done seven. I do have an air mattress in the tent. It's pretty luxurious in there. So I'm going to hop in there. Took myself in. I had a little nightcap on the porch with my lady. Drank a Mr. October. What we shared. Splitsies. Not from the same can. Of course not. Mr. October, a double AIPA from Penthouse Brewing. That's the most Aaron statement is where he's got to go into it.

[1:05:00]He's luscious. And yeah. I think I'm going to call it a night. I heard some critter activity happening around seven when I was out here Folding some laundry. T-shirts say critter activity or critter action. And then I'll probably hear them when they come home around 530 in the Morning. I'm pretty sure I heard some coyotes outside too. Oh, no. Far away. But I guess that's probably going to drive the rats inside. Anyway, hope you have a good night of sleep. And I'll catch up with everybody in the morning. All right. Next one. I'll edit these a little bit. We'll see. Tent volume nine, 337 p.m. On Thursday. Thursday. Made a quick trip inside to pick up some tools for my weekly chicken. And the lady was inside the house laughing to herself. Turns out she was listening to Beck Did It Better. Yeah. I think she mostly liked the Emerson parts, though. But anyway. What the hell? Never having him on again. All right. Make her live in the garage for a while. All right. So now at this point, Aaron ran into a little problem because his wife went to bed early.

[1:06:00]So how is Aaron going to solve this problem? But his one kink of getting locked into the garage by the wife isn't going to happen. Let's see. Trapped in a tent. Volume 10. Sad story tonight, everyone. I had to lock myself in the garage. My lady went to bed early. I came in here by myself. I had to do some shenanigans to lock the garage, climb out the window, go back in the house, Get my stuff, come back out, lock up some stuff in the house, come back in the window. So I locked myself in tonight. But I'm settling in to do a little bit of reading, maybe listen to some music, try to Get some sleep. I heard the rat saying goodnight about 15 minutes ago. If I heard a rat, I could not just say, oh, it's time for me to go to sleep. That would not be. Hope everybody else has a great night. All right. Last one. Last one. And this is the one I just marked losing his mind. So now we have gone from Tuesday to Saturday. So this was Saturday night. This is the last mark. The full character in our tent. Lucky number 13.

[1:07:00]He's talking normal now. I don't know. I realized this morning that Blood on the Tracks is great breakfast making music. He's lost his mind. It's the best morning album we've heard yet. I also had a distressing conversation yesterday where my wife noticed that the spot I've been Using for the bathroom in the yard is starting to smell real bad. And it turns out I should have been spreading it around the yard. That's something new. What a bush. It could have been a critter. It could have been. It could have been a critter for the yard. You just go in the middle of the yard, you find a bush. My wife is going, okay, I took my COVID test yesterday. I'm going to get those results back soon. And maybe move back in the house. Nope. Hoping. Test unreliable. Stay in the garage. As much as I care about Aaron's health, I don't know if I've ever wished for a positive COVID test more in my life. Because like three more weeks of this would be fantastic. We would record every day. I would make Aaron continue with this diary. I might make Aaron continue with the diary even if he moves back in.

[1:08:00]I get such a kick out of it. I was listening to you. I was listening to this in front of my family. And they're like, what the hell are you listening to? I was like, I don't have time to explain. This is Aaron's audio diary. So, Mom, that was Aaron being trapped in the garage. Now, if you notice, a lot of the times when I'm telling jokes on the podcast, you're hearing Me laugh in real life. Is that something I've always done growing up? Laugh at my own jokes? Definitely. No question. But how can you not? Some of them are. I remember once you said to me, not everything is a joke. It is true. I probably, what I said. I still think that's one of the. It's one of the funniest things of all time. And you know what I recently found myself saying about one of my kids? Everything's not a joke. Yeah. I said, oh, they just make jokes and they're trying to figure out what's funny and what's Not. But sometimes they push it too far. And then I thought I just had a flashback to myself. I was like, oh, that's all parenting is, though. It seems like over and over. Right. So we're getting out of the Aaron segment. As much as I love Aaron, we're getting out of the Aaron segment. So I have made a song making fun of Aaron where I've collected all the silly things that Aaron Has said over the podcast. Okay. This is from the Velvet Underground episode where we did a Velvet Underground and this

[1:09:00]Is Waiting for You. This is Waiting for the Man. This is Waiting for Aaron. Do you remember when I used to do little radio shows on my tapes and stuff? Yes, I do. You were good. And then I would listen to them and laugh, right? At my jokes. Yeah. I mean, it's the same exact thing as a podcast. I was trying to tell the guys about that. And I once did one about what my dreams were. And it was to be a radio show guy. And it made me really sad when I listened to it. Oh, thank you. But the idea of being in radio now would be tough, wouldn't it? It would be. But you wanted to. You were so dedicated to the idea. I was. And you know what happened to me is I was working at that place. Remember, I'd go in at five in the morning. Dad would drive me in. Yeah, Dad would drive me in. And one time they turned to me because I would pull news clips for me. And one time they turned to me and said, oh, do you want to be in the air and announce something? And you know what I said to them? No. No, I was too scared. Isn't that terrible? Just pathetic. Well, I didn't say pathetic. But the thing is, is that from then on, I've always said, well, I'm going to say yes to things. Like, I'm going to just try to do things. And that's why I've wrestled a professional wrestling match. I've gotten to do. Well, I think that's it. That's like the top of my cool thing.

[1:10:00]But I think, don't you think saying yes to things is important? Yes, very important. You get new experiences, even if you're nervous to do it. Right. It's extending your experiences. I do think being a teacher has helped that because it's like, how much more embarrassing can you get than being a middle school teacher? Oh, that's true. Right? Unless my name is like Mr. Glasscock or something. That got a laugh out of my mouth. All right. So this is the making fun of Aaron song. What's up, everybody? This is K-Rob. K-R-O-B. You know what? We're getting real close to Valentine's. I love K-Rob. So if you're interested. I can't be with the one you love. You might as well do something you love. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. I'm making fun of Aaron. Have you ever taken your camping lunch and heated it up in the microwave before you eat it? I can't wait for him to say something random. I don't own a microwave. He'll start talking. I roll my eyes. Then I say something nasty to impress the guys.

[1:11:00]Yeah, I'm making fun of Aaron. What do you think is the greatest song ever about being happy? So I came up with a list. Here he goes. What's he talking about now? I think it's great. It's your birthday. I'm also pretty certain Curtis Bullard just had a heart transplant. Some crazy stuff. How many times you got to bring that on there? That he thinks is normal. Man, don't get me started about the dupe right now. I've really learned a lot about that. Then I start laughing. And then I unload. We bring it up for the next 10 episodes. Yeah, I'll be making fun of Aaron. There are actually more instruments than you can fit in a basement, right? Wait, that wasn't even supposed to be funny. So mom, you've listened to some of the podcasts now. And obviously the songs are kind of a little bit different because we have to talk over each other. Do you have any advice on how we could make the podcast better before we get into the section about Matt? I don't know. I think that it's quite really, I'm very impressed.

[1:12:00]And I like your parody songs a lot. I think maybe you really missed your calling in life on that one. Weird Rob. Yeah. Weird Rob. Well, I remember when you said you were always a big fan of, I've given you, I've given you two real compliments on the show. Number one, actually the one big compliment I've always given you is that wherever you Went, you would always buy me a CD of music. Remember when you came back from New Orleans and you got me that Zydeco CD? Yep. I love that. You got me the Bobby McFerrin hush CD that got me into, I know a lot of, I know more about Classical music. And some of these idiots out there. And then I, you also got me a, a Calypso song when we were a CD and I love those things. But I think the other thing, what were we talking about? So you think that the parody songs are, I'm pretty good with the parody Songs, but what would I do with it? I mean, who would want to listen to a parody song about three of my friends from college? Well, I don't know. Parody songs are always hits. I can tell you the answer is about 130 people a week. Max want to listen to that. And I think a lot of those are just fake downloads. I see. Okay. But I'm, I'm assuming after this, you're going to share this. So all your friends is going to take off.

[1:13:00]So this is really a pyramid scheme having you on. Maybe what I would like would be a little more discussion of the music because I'm so Musically challenged. Yeah. Well, you sound like a lot of people that listen to the podcast. They have the same complaint. I, I need to hear more music and know more about the albums and maybe a little More facts in there about the albums because I'm just I have a tin Ear. You would go along well with Russell. Okay. Who once confused the doors and the Ramones. Yeah. Well that is a big confusion. He also can, he confused Wilson Phillips and Wilson Pickett. Yeah. That's a big confusion too. They're not even the same sex. Yeah. Even for me, that's kind of pitiful. Yeah. He's kind of an idiot. You're right. So let me play you. So now we're onto Matt. Now, Matt really only, he doesn't, he barely talks on the podcast. If you notice, and even Leslie, I think he's been kind of jammed out, but it turns out That Matt, it turns out we, we found out via voicemail. Matt does not fold his own laundry. Do you, excuse me? Yeah. Excuse me. Yeah.

[1:14:00]I fold my own laundry. What kind of question is that? Absolutely. I fold my own laundry. Okay. But do you know who Matt has come over and fold his laundry? I'll give you one guess. I don't know. His mom. Now, how do you, okay. So how do you feel about that? How do you feel about Matt not folding his own laundry? He's 41, 40 years old, by the way. Well, I guess if she wants to do it, that's just fine. But, I would refer to her as an enabler. She's making him not be the full person that he could be. The full man that he could be. He's not being totally actualized. Right. Well, I did actually talk to her on the phone about it and that's going to come up a little bit later. So let's listen to Matt talk about his laundry because he didn't want to admit that to us. Somebody had to call in and tattle on him. Okay. You might be shocked with who this is from. Oh, hey, it's Krista again. Krista. First of all, I should say I am actually really enjoying the podcast. I feel like I do call in with a lot of criticisms from time to time. But I am enjoying it.

[1:15:00]I listen to it on my runs each week and I'm inspired to listen to different music. I will say that I think you should go for it with a new updated list. If you want it to be best albums of all time, it should include albums from all time. And their old list left out several years of albums. I'm just saying that. But then also, I am a little confused by the chore that Matt says he doesn't like to do. Which is folding laundry. Because he doesn't actually have to fold the laundry and neither does his wife. Wait a minute. I suggest you ask Matt and see who actually does. Wait a minute now. Who does the laundry? Rob is like twisting in his chair. He is so excited. Wait a minute now. I'm so excited Krista brought this up. But Rob is like physically. Well, you finally got her name right. So good work, Russell. Yeah, Krista makes a good point.

[1:16:00]Last episode, I was made fun of for having somebody, a friend, who helps out around the house. Okay. And basically, the purpose of my friend is to try to make my wife less angry at me at all times. Which is, she's feeling spectacularly, but she's trying. So, Matt, what is going on? This is the laundry. This is laundry 2020. Laundry 2020. Laundry mystery. Matt, what's going on? If I remember right, the question was, what chore do you have? You hate the most, right? No, no, no, no. That's not what the, that's not what the bed was. What was the question? What was the question? It doesn't matter. Did we ask Johnny Cochran to join us? The question was which. Is Johnny Cochran and Beck did it better today? Is this Robert Kardashian joining us? Yeah. Is Bill Clinton, what, it depends on what the meaning of is, is. Yeah. Matt, I am at your house. I am watching the laundry get folded. What am I seeing? A little Maury Povich. No, I don't know. So, this is a multi. I could have. I could have. The question was, what chore do you hate the most?

[1:17:00]I hate folding laundry. Nobody asked if I actually folded the laundry or anything like that. What's the solution? What's the solution? So, the solution is, and we also talked about, and I don't think my mom knows what podcasts Are, so I don't think she's going to catch up with this unless my wife shares it. Why are all your shirts so wrinkly that you're wearing? I bet Matt just throws away all his clothes after one use and goes and buys new ones with Podcast revenue. Guys, do you have paper pants? Paper pants are revolutionary. That's why you buy so many champion double-knit sweatshirts. He doesn't like how they're folded. Just buy a new one. You like the one I got on right now? You got a nice Vikings one on? Yeah, there you go. 38 bucks, eBay. It's nice. All right, let's wrap this up. Yeah, we're very busy. So, two things. My mom comes over, watches my kids for about three hours, a couple times a week. She's retired. She makes the kids do it. She's got nothing going on. She comes over. She folds the laundry. She folds my laundry. My mom comes over and folds my laundry.

[1:18:00]I'm 39 years old. I'm a millennial. My mom comes over and folds my laundry. Wait, wait. Excuse me a second. It's, it's, it's, it's time for one-on-one with Aaron's mom. Oh, yeah. And when I say one-on-one, what I mean is that she's finding one sock and then another sock And putting them together. And meanwhile, Matt was yelling at her about the list. God damn it, mom. Rolling Stone, change the list. And by the way, you didn't put away the shirt in the right drawer. Put it in the wrong shelf. So, no. It started out as a thing where she we had laundry and I was going to fold it. She's like, well, I'll just fold it. I mean, this is years ago now, though, right? So we're talking, this has been going on for a very long time. So, and Krista knows that it's a big joke. Krista from Minneapolis knows it. So, ha, ha, Krista, you got me. Krista, whatever your name is. Oh, no, you're calling her by the wrong name. Is that just me? Oh, or whatever. Or whatever. He's mad now. This is mad, man. I love it. No. So, my mom does it, which is very nice.

[1:19:00]In return, I get, I, all I ask for my birthday, all I ask for Christmas. No, no, no, wait a minute. Every year is nothing. Just keep folding my clothes. And I'm happy. So, thank you. So, I could go, I got a thing in my, right over there in that drawer In my kitchen that says one year's worth of laundry folding for my mom. So, that's what we got. We're go ahead. All these weeks of me being ripped out. For not being a fully functioning adult, not knowing how to pick out properly live flowers. And it turns out I can do my own laundry and let my grass grow too long. And Matt can do that, but he can't do his own laundry. His mom shows up to finish it off. I also, I feel like I should issue, Beck did a better apology for all the people who have Contributed to the GoFundMe I started for a laundry folding service for Matt. So, everybody who contributed, maybe let's take some suggestions for what else you'd Want to give that money to. Because I started this GoFundMe for Matt and it turns out, yeah, I didn't need to.

[1:20:00]Matt's bought four sweatshirts of the lists and all he gives to his mom is a homemade Paper certificate. Hey, on the backside, it says free back rub. I mean, that sounds like what I get my wife for her anniversary, man. Give me a break. She gets gold star every week. Keep it up, mom. I'm going to email your mom a copy of this podcast. I think she'll love it. Joan, thank you very much. We appreciate it. We appreciate it. You do a great job. Thanks for everything. Thank you. So, there. Is that better? It's not that I don't know how to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry, though. My mom knows it. She folds it for us. So, no, I'm not going to apologize for it. I'm just going to eat that one and go. Well, you certainly didn't fully disclose it last time. That's for sure. That was noticeably absent. You guys didn't say, what is the chore you don't like to do? We just said, what is your least favorite chore? What is your mom to take care of? Right. Yep. Yeah.

[1:21:00]So, all right. It's a lie by omission. Thanks, Kirsten, from Minneapolis. Well, no, wait. I don't know if we're done with this yet. Can I have your mom's address? Because I have a certificate here for two years of free laundry folding that I want to send her. I think that would help. All right. All right. That's enough. Break it up, you two. That was one-on-one with Aaron's mom. Oh, yeah. That's good. I don't think we've had a mom. I don't think we've had a one-on-one. I don't think we've had a one-on-one with the moms for a while. Yeah, it's been a minute. It's been a minute. But, hey, let's say, Krista, appreciate you listening. Always appreciate you calling in. Appreciate all of our listeners, no doubt. Yeah. I don't. They're dumb as shit to listen to this shit. Get a life, you guys. Oh, my God. Yeah, and you know what? I'm above our listeners. Oh, I'm a listener. I like to... You know what? We're making the content. You guys are adding, like, two minutes a week. We're doing the heavy lifting here. But please keep calling in. I'm sorry. I'm going to edit that out. So, Mom, I was going to ask you if you would like to do my laundry all summer and fold it so I could see what it's like to be Matt.

[1:22:00]Absolutely not. But I realize that somebody does fold my laundry at the cabin, so I am kind of living like Matt. Yeah, I do. I fold it all the time. But you don't even know it because you leave it on the steps, and by the time you take it off, it's all unfolded. So what the heck? Well, I don't know. There is one very famous laundry story about me. Do you want to tell it? Yes. Well, I was taking the laundry out of the washing machine to put in the dryer. How old was I? During this story. I was in college at St. Olaf the usual den of inequity at St. Olaf. And I pick out, and there's a piece of lettuce, and I think, oh, God, he's always leaving stuff in his box. Delicious lettuce. And then I get more laundry out, and there's a piece of ham or bologna in there. Then I pull out more, and there's a piece of bread. He left a ham sandwich in the pocket, and I put it through the washing machine. That's the end. That's the end of it. Okay. It's not like $5 bill.

[1:23:00]It's a ham sandwich. Well, I still remember every once in a while a crayon would go through. Right. And you know what? I was always like, why did she get so mad about that? And now I 100% understand. Yep. Yeah. Being a parent is a nightmare, and being a parent of me, I think, would be kind of a special trip. I think it would be awesome. Yeah. Now, Matt did say during that the mom is retired, so she has less to do. Do you have any thoughts on that statement? Yeah. Well, this whole thing that your parents just have nothing to do because they're retired, so they want to wait on you hand and foot. Geez. You really need to rethink that one. Yeah. Yeah. Because I find people even say, like, oh, you have the summers off. You must have lots of time. And yet, somehow, I'm busier than ever. I put together all these clips. That's what Oliver Wendell Holmes said when asked if it was easier when he retired from the Supreme Court, and he said, nope, life is always uphill. So, it's always uphill. When he retired, Oliver Wendell at Holmes. At Holmes. At Holmes. At home, he was still going uphill. All right. So, then what I did is. On the album, Let It Bleed.

[1:24:00]Have you ever heard the song, You Can't Always Get What You Want? No. By the Rolling Stones. I probably have. You can't always get what you want. It starts with a choir, right? So, I recorded myself in 20 different parts singing as a choir. Is this a dream come through? A dream. Suzanne's giving a big thumbs up on the Zoom. She likes it. So, this is. And then I also had Matt's mom call in to give a statement about folding the laundry. So, we're actually going to hear from Matt's mom. We're going to have a one-on-one with Matt's mom right now. All right. All right. Here we go. I saw Matt today on the Zoom call. I noticed that his laundry was all done. When I asked him if he was going to fold it. He said, that's a job for my mom. No Matt won't fold the laundry on his own. No Matt won't fold the laundry on his own. No Matt won't fold the laundry on his own.

[1:25:00]Megan's on the phone. He tells his baby mom she folds his laundry. Hi, this is Joni Karnas. I just wanted to let you know how much I love doing Matt's laundry and folding clothes for Matt and Sarah and Leo and Eddie. It makes my day every time I go over there to do it. Bye. Matt's mom's getting pretty tired. She just wants to go to bed. But when Matt's clothes have run through the dryer. She has to go over and fold them up instead. No Matt won't fold his laundry on his own. No Matt won't fold his laundry on his own.

[1:26:00]No Matt won't fold his laundry on his own. He gets on the phone. He yells, hey mom. She folds his laundry. Oh yeah. She folds his laundry. When you want. What's your least favorite day? What's your least favorite household chore now or when we were growing up? What's something you absolutely despised? Cleaning the bathroom. I I don't mind cleaning the bathroom. It doesn't, you feel like something's done. You know why I don't mind cleaning the bathroom? You know where I did it? When I worked at Starbucks. Oh, well. You want to clean a bathroom. Clean Starbucks. Yeah. Cause that's like, you don't, you're not related to those people and you're still cleaning it up. If you can clean those, you can clean absolutely anywhere. It was, but they show, I, I, I'm a king of cleaning the bathroom. Yes. My wife. It's like my favorite job. All right. So now we're getting into the Rob section.

[1:27:00]This is the fourth and final section. Okay. Now there isn't, there are no more parody songs. Okay. Cause there's, I don't make songs about myself. That would seem, that would be vain. Rude. Yeah. Well, I said vain, but, okay. This is about when I was dating somebody in high school. You probably don't remember cause I dated so many different people. You're probably like, which one was it? All right. So I didn't edit anything out. That was just silence. But this was when I was dating somebody and they said, oh, you would look good in this Article of clothing. And of course I, I went with it. I also want to tell you a story that when this, This girl dumped me, part of the story is I did say to her, I'm going to drive home Real fast. Can you think of anything more pathetic that you could say to somebody after they've dumped You? That is a sad story, but it's kind of a lonely thing. It is. I don't want to limousine kind of lonely. I don't know. How are you supposed to react when you get dumped? What's a good way to react? I think you have to get in there first, right? Well, that might be, you might have to get in some licks. Yeah. You have to say like, oh, I think I need to have a talk with you and be like, no, I need To have talk to you. We're done. I think that's, that's the way to go about it.

[1:28:00]Did you ever worry just growing up that I would never date anyone that I would always Just be living at home? No, no. Really? No. Yes. I knew it. All right. This I've just titled this one sweater vest. What's the dumbest thing you guys have ever done to impress a woman? And I'll go first. Okay. Cause I, I want you to think about it, but I will tell you right now, I was dating a Girl in high school. Okay. So I'm going to wait for everybody to be pretty impressed by that. And then, And that kind of leads, shows you the mindset I had at the time, which is where she said, You should start wearing sweater vests. Now, if you look at me, okay, probably the last part of my body, I should be trying to Emphasize is the middle. Okay. Let's just put it this way. I have done very well in quarantine, wearing a mask around to most places. So instead I wore a sweater vest, but not just anywhere. It was, my high school was playing in the sectional championship Games. Now, the fact that this happened to me when I was about 13 and I can still remember it Very vividly, actually, I'm going to say 16, because I realized I probably drove

[1:29:00]There. If it was high school, I am wearing a sweater vest and I walk into a arena of everyone in My high school, watching the basketball game. And every single person turned and laughed at me because I was wearing a sweater vest That my girlfriend had bought for me. And I was wearing to try to impress her all time disaster. No shirt underneath. Cause you're going to experience some chapped nipples. If that happens. No, that would have rocked. I was wearing an Eddie Bauer button up plaid shirt. I'm sure it was like not. Wash. You know, it's like right off the cardboard. Like if you still see the creases in it, yes. And I was like, if this will get this girl to kiss me five more times before, this is By the way, the same girl that I drove away fast after we broke up, I'm going to drive Away. Was it all the same night or not? No, no. And then you got home and you get your whole upper torso was chafed from your Sweater vest. And it was like, I drove fast. Driving away fast. Yeah. I'm worried. I got, I almost got pulled over. I'm chafing right now. It's a, what a disaster of a night guys. If I find a picture of me in one of these sweater vests, I'll send it to you.

[1:30:00]Cause I'm sure my parents took a picture of me like, Oh, look at this guy. What a joke. Like when my kids start doing dumb stuff like that, I got to take a picture. I got to be there. I got to hop. Can I tell you guys the worst fashion decision I ever made in high school? Like, do you guys remember when like colored jeans became a thing? Like people would have no green jeans or red or white, like different color, like very Distinct color jeans that were not blue, not Navy or black. And I got white jeans. Yes. And then I also got like a white denim shirt. Oh, so I wore like the all white thing. I remember like getting up and you were in boys to color me bad. I was like, I'm going to look so bad ass. And I walked upstairs and my mom looked at me and just started dying laughing. You look like a fucking painter. Go change your clothes. And I remember thinking like, I am just going to kill it. Like I am a man right now. And I didn't even make it out the door before my mom ripped me and I had to go change. Yeah. I got to say, walking upstairs and having your mom laughing. It was not a great confidence builder to your day.

[1:31:00]Oh my God. I'm sure the white denim shirt would have looked great with regular jeans, but what's The most embarrassing thing you've done for a woman, Aaron? You didn't want to say it. So now you say sick freak. Most embarrassing or. Oh, no. What's the most. What's the. Yeah. What's the. I don't know. Whatever. The dumbest, most embarrassing. Just tell a story that we can make fun of. It'll be. It'll be easy. I mean, we've discussed my turntable purchase. So like I I got together with my. Lady and she owned some vine. She owned some opera records on vinyl and I did not have a turntable. So I think I had $200 to my name at the time. And I went and spent $450 on a turntable and some speakers. And I was like, Hey, but you come over now. We can play that phantom of the opera, but come on over now. I hope you don't mind paying for sandwiches because that's all. That was it. Like my credit cards for the next three weeks. On the turntable. So that's probably it for me.

[1:32:00]Yeah. I do like that. Russell's pull for opera music was phantom of the opera. It's the only one he could do. So mom, I did get a question from the crowd and you don't have to answer this. You don't want to, but they want to know, have you ever been dumped? Oh, sure. Oh no. There's tears. Yeah. A single tear. No, no, no, no, no. Oh no. She got dumped a lot. No, not dumped me. I have to think a little. Were you getting dumped more often or were you doing the dumping? Probably doing the dumping. More often, frankly, but everybody has a little heartbreak here and There, but yeah, but not, I think it's better to be doing the dumping though than Getting definitely. Yeah. That's painful too, though. When you're a teenager, you hate to hurt people. Yeah. There is something about that where you think everything, isn't it funny? You think, oh, we've been going on for six months. That's the longest my life has ever been. And now it's six months is like, oh, you think it's so important. You think your whole life is so important. Little, do Nobody cares. Yeah. I, it's like, I, I, I have passports that get expired in four years and I'm surprised

[1:33:00]Because it seems to come up so quick. Right. Okay. So now I'm just going to tell you these last two clips. I really don't want to play for you. Okay. Okay. But I'm going to, because I feel like this would not be a true podcast if I'm going to. This one is about Joey and his bad habit that he has. Oh, my dog. Yes. Is not a person. Yeah. Please mean to my rolling going by the way, because I got to tell you, I, my dog and listen, I love my dog. Okay. Dog does nothing. Like the dog just sits around. It sleeps all the time. The dog has one fault. And that is he loves to eat, not bite, not, he chews on and eats dirty underwear. So if you've worn underwear, so he has eaten the crotch out of, I would guess a dozen pair Of my underwear. He has eaten about 10 pair of my wife's underwear. He ate my mom's underwear. He's eaten my sister's underwear. He's eaten my kid's underwear. I mean, at what point do you find a different underwear storage solution? Like, I'm like, where's your dirty underwear? Like, it seems like. Like fool me once. Shame on you. Like fool me two dozen times. Like fool me two times.

[1:34:00]Well, I'm going to take this dirty underwear. I'm going to shove it in that dog crate. That dog crate is going to ignore it the whole time. It's going to be so awesome. I'm going to borrow a piece from my wife and say, guys, I don't want fucking solutions. I just want you to listen. Okay. So just be quiet. All right. The underwear is staying on the floor. That's the way it is. I don't care if the dog chokes to death. I'm not picking up my underwear after I take it off. Okay. The dog can change. Yeah. Exactly. It's the dog's fault. Yeah. But I had to draw the line when today I put on. Dogs wear a toad style. Immensely strong. I put on my biking shorts for my Peloton. And the dog has eaten a hole in my Peloton shorts, but not right in the crotch. It is to the right. It's down my thigh about two inches. Oh, well, you can still ride with that. And I was like, well, this is a risky business because my kid has friends over. But I got to walk over to the Peloton with these. And these are the biking shorts I have. So I got to wear these. So I'm walking over to the Peloton. I get on. Do you have? And then I'm biking. I'm like, oh, this isn't so bad.

[1:35:00]Like the hole doesn't affect too much. But then in a 45 minute ride, three separate times, my balls flew out of my bike. And it was rather uncomfortable. Okay. It definitely ruined my cadence. All right. Is the dog like sitting over in the corner, winking at you or anything? This is happening or not? It's so the dog's over there saying, oh, it's so upsetting. You cannot do a workout. Any of your balls fly out. Occasionally and just start flying around and at all focus on what you're doing. So someone should have told me that before I got a kicked out of three last lifetimes in the last two years. That's all right. I can't remember. Was it just the one branch or all of them? What are you supposed to do on those sit up machines? Stuff's going to happen, right? Reverse incline for a reason. Everything starts falling down. Deep down, Rob's thinking there ain't no way Russ has ever sat on one of those sit up machines. Russ goes right into that hip abductor machine with the legs that are spreading wide.

[1:36:00]It's like really right away. That's the first one you're going to do. So anyway. So what's our, so what's our, so really no no solutions. We're just going to just let the dog keep doing this. Well, the problem is, the main problem is that my wife's underwear are quite expensive. So every time he eats one, my wife tells me like, that's going to cost you this much money. And I'm like, that's furious. Do you have like a hamper or something? I mean, like $12 a target. So here's our laundry style. Okay. And tell me if this is. The dog is only what? Six inches high. Like you could put this on, on a coffee table, right? Like you can just put your underwear on the back of the couch. Oh, that dog. You know how sometimes dogs end up like their owners. So here's the thing. Your dog's got a horse shit mustache. He's a poon hound. Aaron and his wife would have like a loop, like a rope looped up into the top of their living room with a bundle hanging down. Like they're hiding stuff from a bear that's coming in. Yeah. Into the campsite. And they would be hiding that dirty underwear way up above where that cat could get to it.

[1:37:00]Yeah. Aaron's like, I keep it right at nose level. I wish I wouldn't have said that. But you did. But I did. What can I say? The Wu-Tang has inspired me. We do actually hang our, what? Laundry from the ceiling, but that's not that interesting. Let me tell you my laundry style. Here's the deal is that we have a washing machine in the apartment, which is very rare for New York city. Okay. And so what we do is we, when we, when laundry is dirty, we put it on the floor in front of the laundry. New York city brag drink. And then we put it on the floor in front of the laundry machine. And then when it's clean, we put it in a hamper. So that way we know what's clean and what's dirty. So the laundry does have a lot of time on the floor, but sometimes when you're getting in bed, you just you're throwing the underwear on the floor. You Aaron, you're giving me the, not you're giving me the, no, you're don't. What do you do when you go to bed? No, I was giving you the yes. I was giving you the yes, man. Like, yeah. Like the. Yeah, I get it. I I'm understanding now. I've covered in underwear, right?

[1:38:00]That's why I bought shoes. He has stepping on too many underwears. He was like, ugh. Matt's mom, AKA the housekeeper is over at like 10 30 every night. When Matt goes to bed, she's scooping that shit up off the ground and throwing it right into the hamper. Nothing saying it around there on the ground for that dog to get at. Matt, call me before you go to bed so I can scoop up. So you don't leave a line in your room. I got to scoop up just like he's out, just like he's out with the driveway. She's with his underwear. It's all Jeanette. It's all Jeanette. Suzanne wants you to tell the bowling story date story. Do you want to do that or not? Oh, I can do that. Okay. So tell us about the date that you and dad went on that involved bowling early on in my dating career. This is a classic mom's underwear story. I went bowling with dad and his best friend, less Reese. And, we got there and I was wearing what I thought was a cute outfit. But as I bowled the first or second ball, I heard a rip. And I knew it was a rip. It was my pants that had ripped. And I said, Oh, can you see it?

[1:39:00]You know, I said to Robert, can you see anything? And he said, Oh no, it's nothing. And so we kept bowling for another two games. And when I got home, the whole back of my pants was completely ripped open and had been the whole time, but they just didn't want to leave the bowling alley. They let me bowl with my back end hanging out of my pants. So. So that was very romantic. I like the idea. They're like they're whispering each other when you're up there you're like, Oh, I've got a split. I'm trying to get in there. Like, Hey, I really want to keep bowling. Don't tell her about her pants. He's like, okay. I definitely won't tell her about her pants. I think that's a really good idea. That was it. Oh, that's so good. So that's, I, that, I think that's true love though. That's when nobody's going to be the dumpy. True love. He could love bowling and not me. Well, okay. That's. All right. So this last one is about buying deodorant in New York. [100:02] Now, almost all the deodorant is under glass. [100:04] So you have to go ask to buy it. [100:05] Everybody's deodorant is under glass. [100:07] So do you know how embarrassing it is to go ask for a certain flavor of deodorant? [100:11] Anyway, that's the bit. [100:12] That's the bit I do here. [100:13] It's bad, but this is about other stuff that could be under glass as well. [100:17] Now I think I do tell at some point, I did tell the story about how, when I was on a plane one time and you were convinced I wasn't wearing deodorant. [100:25] Yes. [100:26] You yelled at me and you said, well, you didn't yell at me, but you certainly talked to me and you said, Hey, you need to start wearing deodorant. [100:30] I think, how old was I? [100:31] 14, 15, 25, nine. [100:34] Yeah. [100:34] So you said you need to wear deodorant. [100:36] And then it turns out that you remember what was happening instead? [100:39] Yes. [100:40] Well, that smell that smelled like Robert to be, Oh, turned out to be the stewardess eating a burger King hamburger. [100:46] It was the onions. [100:49] And so I kind of wondered if I really wanted to pursue much fast food. [100:54] If I couldn't tell the difference between the fast food and the deodorant. [100:56] That's not too appetizing. [101:00] Well, the deodorant I was wearing at the time was flame broiled. [101:02] That might be part of the problem. [101:04] All right. [101:04] So that's a good joke. [101:05] Here is this one. [101:07] Let's just talk about the deodorant. [101:08] So then I also, this week I ran out of deodorant. [101:12] Okay. [101:12] And actually, to be honest, I ran out of deodorant about two months ago and I have been using my wife's deodorant. [101:17] Now I don't think there's anything wrong with using your wife. [101:18] I think that is fair game. [101:20] I never, ever tell her. [101:22] I would never tell her she'll be pissed if she ever listens to this podcast. [101:24] So I'm set for the rest of my life. [101:26] Not worried. [101:26] Not worried about that. [101:26] And the, so I go down to the Duane Reade, which is in my building, right? [101:32] And I go to get the deodorant. [101:33] They now have the deodorant behind glass that you have to unlock and get the deodorant. [101:38] So I have to go. [101:39] Like razor blades where you have to have a lock to get them out or what? [101:42] Can you make drugs out of deodorant? [101:43] I don't know. [101:44] I don't know if they're so expensive, but I have to go ask somebody to unlock the deodorant. [101:49] And then I have to say to them, ah, yes, I would like the musk. [101:53] The extra sweaty man. [101:54] Yeah. [101:55] I would like the musk. [101:56] Bear smell, shark man, like Superman deodorant. [101:59] Like I, cause I'm telling you one of my favorite days of all time. [102:03] And I've said this all the time is growing up. [102:04] I love it when I run out of deodorant and I get to go pick a new type of deodorant. [102:08] It's one of the highlights of my week. [102:09] Well, not week. [102:10] I don't buy deodorant that often, but whenever I buy deodorant, it's, I love shopping because

[1:42:00]there's all these different fun kinds of deodorant and you can pick all these different things. [102:18] Yeah. [102:19] I love it. [102:19] I think it's great. [102:20] I, I, I, I love all the new, like super masculine flavors. [102:24] Is that the right term? [102:25] Like the flavors? [102:26] I hope it's not a flavor, maybe a scent. [102:28] Well, anything's a flavor if you try hard enough. [102:30] Rob, are you a science teacher? [102:32] You don't know like the five senses? [102:33] Listen, I don't have time for teaching that stuff. [102:36] Okay. [102:37] I'm much too busy at school listening to these albums, but it's so embarrassing because now I basically am not going to buy deodorant. [102:44] And in fact, I went to another Duane Reade in Manhattan. [102:46] It was also under glass. [102:47] So I just walked out. [102:48] I mean, I, I, what else is under glass? [102:51] I don't know. [102:53] I think like, oh laundry detergent. [102:56] This cigarettes, like stuff that gets stolen. [102:59] What would be the most embarrassing thing you would have to ever go by and ask for them

[1:43:00]to open the glass to buy? [103:04] Like, is it condoms? [103:05] What would be the thing where you'd be terrified to go ask the lady that Duane Reade to open the glass to open it for what? [103:11] Oh my God. [103:12] I would love to buy condoms. [103:14] And I'd be like, what? [103:14] Give me your smallest, most normal size condoms that you have. [103:17] Like, that's what I want. [103:18] Condoms are so big. [103:20] I get condoms sometimes. [103:21] I used it when I used to get condoms. [103:23] Oh, Rob, we weren't going to do this. [103:24] Rob, we weren't going to do this. [103:25] I was always. [103:26] Like, they're so big. [103:26] And then there's that little tip on the end. [103:28] I remember in health class, they'd always be like, oh, make sure you squeeze that tip when you put it on. [103:32] Otherwise, yeah, otherwise. [103:33] And I was like, how much do you think is coming out? [103:36] Like, do you think there's so much coming out that if I don't squeeze that tip, this whole thing is going to fly off like a balloon, like a water rocket. [103:41] Like, I was like, this makes no sense. [103:44] Like, even then I was like, squeeze the tip. [103:46] That doesn't even make sense. [103:46] How does that make any sense? [103:47] But that was like the one thing I remember from health class was squeeze the tip. [103:50] So the idea, mom. [103:52] So my mom has her head in her hands. [103:54] That was the clip I picked last because I thought you'd watch it. [103:56] If I picked it earlier, the idea, mom, was that we were going to have some glasses of

[1:44:00]wine and that would be at the end. [104:01] But I think we drank the wine too early and now it's starting to wear off. [104:04] And so we kind of sobered up just to listen to that clip. [104:07] So that's not that's that's not how it's supposed to work out at all. [104:09] Got it. [104:09] So I guess I just have one question. [104:11] That's the end of the podcast. [104:12] And I just wanted to say thank you so much for doing this. [104:13] I know this is not something that's like your dream come true is listening to me indulge myself. [104:17] But I just have one question. [104:19] Mom, are you proud of me for doing this? [104:20] I'm so proud of you for doing this. [104:22] And I think it takes a lot of nerve and time. [104:26] And talent. [104:27] Put yourself out there like this. [104:29] It's kind of like proud of you, sweetie. [104:30] Yeah. [104:30] And I'm always. [104:31] Oh, thank you. [104:32] And I never get to tell you that. [104:35] Oh, I know. [104:36] You don't have to tell me that. [104:37] And it's true. [104:38] I am kind of a hero. [104:39] I mean, you didn't use the word hero, but I think that's kind of similar. [104:41] That might be pushing it a little. [104:43] No, I think that's what kind of what you said. [104:44] I do want to play this to you before we go real quick. [104:46] Have you ever did I. [104:48] Oh, I did play this clip of Emerson when he was on the podcast. [104:50] It's the one thing he said that I saved. [104:51] No. [104:52] Rob's right. [104:56] All right. [104:56] Thank you, everybody. [104:56] That's been Beck. [104:57] Did it better. [104:58] The mom edition. [104:59] You're about the greatest albums of all time. [105:02] Thank you. [105:04] I'll never get too lazy to look it up online. [105:08] If you want to hear from guys who chat and then they get off track. [105:14] I've got the perfect podcast for you, Jack. [105:18] Beck did it better.