The Rolling Stones: Beggar’s Banquet (1968)

[00:00]Good to hear you're thinking about the future, Russell. Yeah, I have a lot of thoughts I'm going to share with you about the future, about the present, about the way we just behave in general. How about the past? I can't wait to hear Russell's thoughts. I can't hate to hear what that present is. You have a teeny tiny present there wrapped. It's just, I would say it's, how small do you think that, Aaron? What would you say that is? It looks like it's like between one and a half and two carats, if I had to put a weight to it, maybe. The present gets smaller, the colder it gets. I'm just going to warn everyone listening to this.

[00:30]You hate it very hot in your house. So the colder it is in your house, the better it is, the better the long-term prospects are. We can't do this. I've already been through this twice today, and I've only been in my house for like an hour, and we've had two discussions about the temperature. Your face is very red. I will say your face is very red. I've been drinking a little bit. We cannot talk about the temperature until the next episode, because that was what the song and voicemail are about. So please, I beg of you. Oh, no. Let's make it. Let's make it make sense. Find another joke. Oh, yeah.

[01:00]I'll do that. All right. Here we go. Oh, wrong one. In 2020, four friends decided to listen to every one of the greatest 500 albums decided by Rolling Stone magazine. This resulted in a text chain that celebrated the music, excoriated the order, and led us to making this podcast. All caps undecided. We are far from experts. We promise to do almost no research. All opinions are our own, unless you disagree. Please sit back and enjoy. Beck did it better. We are all the way up to album 100. And 85, which is wild. That actually feels like we've made some progress.

[01:32]We should call this a new season of Beck did it better. It's a new season. Season two. Season two. Yeah. Season two of Beck did it better. Season one was 184 episodes. We almost got it figured out. You know what? We now have, I think we now have more days, more episodes than teachers work in a year, right? Aren't you guys like 184 days a year? I think that's true. We actually work all summer, too. Okay. We're planning. We're looking at other careers, more vacation days than any teacher I've ever known.

[02:03]I just got to say that you take more trips, you go to more weightlifting tournaments, and then all of a sudden you will have like a spring break. I'm like, what the fuck? I thought he was on spring break literally for like three weeks in a row. No, it was only two. Yeah. That's just what I was thinking this week. But there was three weekends in there. Yes. It was three weekends in that two weeks. I was just, well, don't listen. Don't ask what I'm doing for the Eid next Wednesday, guys. I got. If you want to record Tuesday night, let me know because I'm wide open.

[02:31]But I will say this, Russell. That's what I was thinking at the end of this week is, oh, yes, my job is so easy. There's definitely when you get invited to a meeting and the head of HR is on the list of invitees and you're like, oh, we got to hear about this. Meanwhile, I'm wearing a clown wig and hold the knife I put in the closet earlier for a lab. They don't get it. Yeah. HR loves that. Yeah. They love that stuff. Okay. I was sure. It's like an eclipse. That's what I kept saying. It's like, you know.

[03:00]All right. So you can think of something that would be like an eclipse that would get me in trouble and go. Thank you. And from 1968, we have the rolling stones. Put this bag on your head and look through this hole. What? Why does it say Porta? And again, we're not in a school at this point. For this joke, we're not in a school. We're out at a bar. Russell's out at a bar. We're looking at an eclipse outside of a bar. He's got an eclipse. He's got an eclipse. An eclipse. That's like an e-clair. That's what we called eclipses in the 90s.

[03:30]It was an eclipse. It went out of business. Pets.com. Did I ever tell you guys about the website that I had during the e-boom that went bust? What was the website? Heavypets.com. Heavypets.com. Yes. It's just for people who wanted horses. Yeah. Like the box where they'd order something, the box would come in and be like, it sounds like there's somebody struggling to breathe in this box. But it says just cut a hole in the box and see what happens. I thought it was just for somebody to come over and just pet the back of your head very firmly.

[04:04]Very nice. Heavy petting. Rub just pops out of the box. No, I don't pop. They put it in the box. I'm in the box. I'm like, I love glory holes so much that I'm willing to mail myself to somebody to trick them into setting up a glory hole in their house. A port-a-glory hole. It's like Russell's paper bag idea. That's what it was, a portable glory hole. What? What? Yeah. Isn't there supposed to be two eye holes? Uh-huh. No. I don't know what's going on.

[04:30]I forget those leather masks had two eye holes, but no mouth hole, right? I go to Russell's place and I'm like, you know, you go into the room and there's the painting watching you, but at Russell's, there's just a hole in the mouth. Like, I think that painting's saying, oh, to me. Sometimes I don't know if I don't follow Rob or if I've been out too long today. I don't know the difference right now. Both things can be true. From 1968, we have the rolling stone. Two truths in your head. With beggars banquet. Let's, guys, let's listen.

[05:02]Okay? We haven't seen each other. Just a little behind the scenes. A little behind the scenes. We had a miss last week because Russ found out what it's like to be in a relationship from the text we got from him. We just said, I misunderstood what we were doing. We could talk about that. I laughed at that so hard. I was like, I misunderstood what was happening. I was like, yeah, I bet your ass misunderstood. That sounds like a beaten man. I'm sorry you feel that way. I put it into Google Translate and it says, my partner's very pissed at me.

[05:33]That's what it says at Russell when you text. I misunderstood what we were doing. I misunderstood what was going on. I said I could do something and it turns out I can't. I misunderstood. It's my fault. Listen, let's turn on. Let's go right now. Let's turn on the radio. Let's see what we have. Because, you know, you might think to yourself, boy, what would it be like? And I bet. I think about this twice a week. What would it be like to be Mary Darren?

[06:00]I think about there are things that set it off in my head. I think about it all the time. And let's just turn on the radio and maybe something will come up. That's like that, but not in a way that it's going to get mad at me again. Here we go. What's up, my fellow Americans? This is K-Rob. K-R-O-B. You know, this year's State of the Union address was an hour and seven minutes long. Why, you'd have to listen to this song at 35 times. Oh, yeah. Aaron comes home and tells his wife that he has got a night plan.

[06:34]She says, that's great. Let's go on a date. But Aaron says, let's watch Joe Biden. Well, what can this poor woman do? Well, she is stuck with Aaron. They have to go to a neighbor. And watch the State of the Union.

[07:00]Some guys take their spouses out for a night of real fun. But Aaron drags them to a stranger's place. To watch a septuagenarian. Well, you might say at least.

[07:34]I hope that Aaron had fun. But next year, he hopes the speaker will be a guy named President Trump. Oh, come on, Aaron. Is that true? When you want to hear about the greatest albums of all time. Did you think about opening with that bit of like, boy, I hope it's a different speaker. Next year. Yeah, right. If you want to hear more guys try it and then they get off track.

[08:04]I've got the perfect podcast for you. I have told so many people that I know somebody who for. What's up, my fellow Americans? This is K-Rob K. Oh. Why did I put that on a loop? There's a reason. Oh, it's because I know why I did. I put it on the loop. I put it on the loop two hours ago because I was like, it's going to play 37 times when we start.

[08:30]That's how long Aaron sat at a neighbor's house and watched the State of the Union. That's true. That's crazy to me. I have said to so many people over the last couple of weeks, I've said, oh, yeah, I've got this buddy who went to somebody's house with his family and watched the State of the Union. And every person has the same response. What? Why? Right. Yeah. It would be a more realistic option to be like, I've got this buddy who wouldn't watch hardcore porn with his friend. Yeah. With his friend. You know, like, how do you do the State of the Union air? That's wild.

[09:00]I mean, this. But the thing is about this guy, like, when he asked me, like, hey, we're going to watch the State of the Union. Like, it didn't even register me as strange because that's the kind of thing this family does. They only turn the television on for the State of the Union and the Super Bowl. Otherwise, their TV is off. Always. Listen, I'm not. It didn't surprise me at all. I'm not hanging out at somebody's house whose TV comes on for the Super Bowl and the State of the Union. Those are the two. Like, can you imagine two things that are further apart? On the spectrum of things that you'd want to see? That's craziness. Oh, I can't wait to see Patrick Mahomes.

[09:32]Is he going to pull it off this year? I can't wait to see bone crushing tackles, high flying touchdowns. Speaker of the House, Mike Johnson back there, just keeping it close to the chest. Now, I did have to text the text change because I did get one from Mike Johnson. He said, please send me some money. And I wrote, has your son jacked off lately? So I'm sure I'm going to get a response. Yeah. No, no. Because at least the Trump ones, when they send it, I. I always write back, go fuck yourself. And then they write, you have, what was it? Oh, you have unsubscribed from this text chain.

[10:01]I was like, oh, that's nice. Could you imagine having to be the intern who has to unsubscribe people, not for when they say unsubscribe or hit number two, but when they send you like a foul response and it's like that gets filtered to you and you're like, oh, another person. Tell me to F off. I'll unsubscribe them. At least I got this Bible over here. They gave me the free one. Jeez. It's cool looking shoes. Yeah. These shoes. Who would have guessed my job as Donald Trump's intern would cause me any sort of problems or headaches.

[10:33]I can't believe it. Any mental anguish. Yeah. Hey, all those paper towels he threw out in the crowd for the hurricane survivors. We got to get those back. Actually, we need to give this out formally. Excuse me. I'm sorry. Can I have that? I just need to, I just need that back. It was Aaron, actually. Literally. Yeah, I know. Listen, I've got three modern day Troubadours. Troubadours here. We're just stopping here before they go to Bombay.

[11:00]What? You guys are going to Bombay? What are you on the Mighty Ducks? Gordon. Gordon Bombay. Gordon Bombay. One of the most famous DUI getters of all time. Okay. That's a good point. Don't forget that movie starts with him getting blasted and driving through the streets. And then he's a hero. Can I tell you guys that I'm convinced. So Leo played like rec league basketball. This year. And some random lady just happened to be their coach of his team.

[11:30]Yeah. I'm convinced that it was some sort of like community service had to coach or something. There was no reason she should, you know, like just had no idea or anything. No connections whatsoever. Could she really care to be there? She was a good, I mean, like if she had players, she would have maybe been a decent coach. I think she probably played. I think that means she's a good coach. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Matt, that works. Yeah. Every time you guys ran a pick and roll. You guys start going quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack.

[12:02]I, I, that reminds me when I used to play basketball, of course, in Vermont, where, of course, one of the stories is it turns out I was guarding Captain Phillips for years and I never knew it. Right. And then the other story was I got the real Kevin Phillips. I told you that story where it turns out this guy. No, I played rec league basketball for like three years in Vermont. Every day. I wasn't, or I wasn't working. So I would take the kid. I would take the kid or in the summer, I would take the kid to the daycare and then I would go play pickup basketball for an hour.

[12:34]That's how long the daycare would watch him. So I play and this guy had an insane main accent. Right. But he and I were both older guys. He was kind of a good shooter from outside. So he was the guy I'd always guard, chat with him every day. And as you guys know, I'm not great at like learning names or, you know, like doing what other people say. A lot of times, Jenny will be like, oh, how are the guys doing? I'm like, I have no idea. We're not. You think I'm asking these guys how they're doing? You do not ever ask. No, of course not.

[13:00]I got my own fucking problems. Yeah. So somebody was talking to him and they were like, oh, what'd you do? And he's like, oh yeah, I was kind of a, I was kind of a merchant Marine sailor. And I was like, oh, that's strange. And then he was just talking more and more. And he said, oh yeah, I was at an incident and I fucking looked him up and it's fucking Captain Phillips. It was Captain Phillips. And I realized this like literally the last day I was there. I had to. No. And I never got a chance to block his shot and go, I'm the captain now.

[13:30]And look right at him and be like. That's exactly, yes. I mean, that's exactly what I would have done. He probably PTSD and have seizures on the ground, but what a story I would have. I'd be like, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to you is that I'm dominating you in this basketball game. Captain Phillips and Sully Sullinger are like the same guy to me. It's like Troy O'Leary and Rusty Greer or Oasis and Offspring. I can't tell the difference. I'm sure Captain Phillips loves to hear that. He's like, he's like, oh yeah, that guy ran into some birds.

[14:01]Yeah. I was hijacked by pirates. I had pirates pointing guns at me. That guy literally ran into birds. We are not the same. You know what I would have gotten this guy? Now, if I was one more day there, you know what I would have gotten him for a gift? A life jacket. Old Barry Bonilla jersey. Bobby Bonilla, I believe. Bobby Bonilla. Okay. Take two. An old Bobby Bonilla jersey. Or Bobby Bonilla. Well, who was the, who played on the, who played on the pirates? They both did.

[14:30]They both did at the same time. Maybe an Andy Van Slyke. Get him an Andy Van Slyke. Andy Van Slyke's a nice one. Actually. He'd be like, he'd be like, oh, I love this Joe. Oh, it's a pirate. The thing said. Speaking of pirates, as you guys know, about a year ago when I had to throw all my prize belongings away, I had to throw a lot of cards away, but I kept some and this was a pirate man. Matt made fun of Matt made fun of Sid Bream. And I've been holding on. If you guys can see in the, in about 20 Sid Bream cards, 20 Sid Bream cards.

[15:06]All right. So that's normal. Those are the ones. Let's move on. Those are the ones you kept. Look at these Sid Bream. Can you see? This is like when Rob made us watch him eat cupcakes. Look at these Sid Bream cards in the zoom. These are sitting on my desk and I've been waiting to send them to Matt since I moved into this place. Oh, I did not know you were. This is the world's leading Sid Bream. This is the number one. We got score upper deck tops.

[15:33]90 tops in stadium club. Stadium club is like a legit card. Look at this. Look at how slick that card is right there. Wow. You just like Sid Bream at first base with the glove. I got, I got four Sid Bream stadium clubs. I'm just saying upper deck. Fleer. Fleer. Who likes Fleer? Who likes Fleer? Anything. Anything but Bowman. Just keep the Bowman ones. I accidentally kept a Mark Lemke too. I apologize for that one. If you ever get it, Matt. Russell was like, Hey guys, I kept a bunch of these Sid Bream baseball cards and I was

[16:03]like, Oh, okay. He's, and then he kind of was moving around. I was like, Oh, he's going to like get up and go find him. He immediately pulled him up from his desk. It took him 0.5 seconds to show us all of 12 of Sid Bream's baseball cards. You just keep them wherever you go. You just keep your Sid Breams close by. I was going to send them to Matt in the mail, but you guys know, I don't like, I can't send packages. It's too stressful. Like if there's a, if like, if, if there's an earthquake, you're going to run out in the street and your underwear is just holding your Sid Bream cards.

[16:30]Yeah. Yes. I got him. It's fine. Do I, do I live with somebody else? Ladies and gentlemen, we got him. It's Sid Bream Fleer 1990. We got him. We're pulling Sid Bream out of a spider hole in Iraq. We got him. I gave all my cards. I gave all my cards to my brother, Luke, who's a listener. I guarantee, I guarantee there's some Sid Bream. Cause I, I used to like that. I liked the pirate. Vandy Van Slyke was one of my favorite players back in the day. So I loved the pirates. Watched them all the time.

[17:00]Captain Phillips could be listening to this right now. You should not be talking like this. So I've got Matt from Minneapolis. Matt, how are you doing tonight? Uh, good. You know, we're on Minneapolis. It kind of feels like summer's here and the time is right. Wow. Talking about Rolling Stones. Uh, I've got in also in Minneapolis, uh, I've got Russell. Russell, how are you doing tonight? Rob, please let, allow me to introduce myself. I'm a man of wealth and taste. I've been around for a long time. A long four and a half years, but you still replaced Matt, Aaron, and me and rubbed our face. Now, smart, funny.

[17:30]John is right in our face. You thought that was going away. Didn't you? Do you guys think that when, when I got the text from Russell that said, I misunderstood what we were doing this weekend. Do you think I was like, do you think my first thought was like, oh, funny. Would it be if I had John back on for another episode? I said it. I was like, we're fine. Except Rob's going to be out there. I was like, oh my God, that would be the funniest thing. If it just totally blows up in my face again, just learning no lessons whatsoever. It was a nice joke, but it was just like when the roast said roast makes Senate.

[18:01]It's bitch. I will never forget that from St. Olaf college. One of my favorite moments. Say it again. Say the joke again. Well, when we were with that, that joke, like it was like a wannabe onion called the roast and then they got shut down. They didn't get any more student government money because they were so offense offensive. And then they made this like big campaign to be like, no, we're free speech. We should get a student government money. So then like the students. The Senate reversed the decision like, okay, the roast can get their $5 or whatever it is. And then the next headline said roast makes Senate.

[18:31]It's bitch. I love how Aaron used to follow like college politics. Rob, weren't you like maybe one of the main writers at the roast? He wasn't. He was, he was a fake. He's a guest. Rob is so full of shit when it comes to the roast. We had given Rob, Rob, you shut the fuck up right now. While I'm telling this story. The greatest article ever is not, it was like this parody and we can't talk about what the, the, the story was because it was inappropriate, but for 15 to 20 years, everyone in our friend

[19:06]group thought Rob wrote that article. He didn't. He finally, he didn't write it. Rob, are you talking about, are you talking about the opinion piece? No, the self-locking door. No, no, no, no, no. Russell is bringing up the fact that I always used to say my favorite joke in the roast was the opinion piece where there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a joke that was for panty raids for or against. No, it was up or down, up or down. So Russell's talking about a joke that I did for the roast where it was a opinion piece

[19:34]on panty raids up or down. And one guy was like up. It was like, Hey, everybody loves panty raids. We get in there and we grab those panties. And the other guy was like down. He goes, hell yeah, I'm down for a panty raid. I love to do it all the time. And Russell. You played this for 20 years. No, I said that was my favorite. And Russell took that to mean that I wrote it. And which I did not. It was just my favorite joke. Never corrected me until about two years ago. Oh, the sin of omission. Who wrote it?

[20:00]Elizabeth Holmes? She, yeah, it was me and Elizabeth Holmes in there. And we both were like, we're going to become equally famous journalists. Okay. Uh, the self-locking door, the self-locking door was the funniest one. My main problem is the same problem I have with my standup jokes that I have is that they're, they were all about jacking off. They were all incredibly dirty. That might shock you guys, but they were all. Yeah. Roommate has self-locking door. It was all about how he came in and the computer monitor was off and he was sweating.

[20:30]He's lotioning his hands like, I don't know. It was so funny, but I sent in those articles and those guys would edit them. They would edit them and add jokes before they send it out. And their jokes were not as good as mine. And it made me furious. I was like, why are you touching my work? I'm doing great stuff here. Uh, now listen, introduce Aaron. I've got Aaron out in California now, Aaron. And recently I asked Aaron how many Motown groups he could name. He could do. He said he could tell me two or three names, two or three, four tops or tops.

[21:05]Oh, I get it. Aaron on California. How are you doing? I was trying to think of a good four top song. I think Bernadette's my, my favorite, probably that that's a banger. Uh, what can a poor boy do except playing a rock and roll band? I'm not even sure I got those lyrics right, but let's talk about beggars banquet. All right, let's get into it. Oh my God. Good God. We're not even to the voicemail yet. Well, better pick a short roll and go on. We're going to have a short roll and keep them short.

[21:32]We asked them to Matt messages. I knew I was getting on late. I specifically for you did not give Rob any lists and I didn't even, I didn't even send a text saying I don't have anything. I just kind of implied I might, and then send him nothing for our show. I got you my friend. Listeners are moronic. That's what we think. Don't you think? Oh, it's a pain to hear what they say.

[22:00]If you think they're bad guys, we have so many voicemails, by the way, everybody needs to stop leaving voicemails. Dick messages. We are full up. We will never get to yours. We are full. Okay. Just call 802-277-BAG. See you next week. Bye. Bye. Bye. I would be an excellent cohost. I have a great pod voice and I will call you an idiot when it needs doing.

[22:32]This is one of the multiple complaints we got about Russell's cohost tournament. Dumb shits. We're not even through the first half. How could they complain when they don't even know if they've been called, including a Gmail we got from a guy with a C name. Okay. Now that one, Aaron, don't get excited. I know you love saying that one. Okay. He was furious that he knew he was not in the tournament because of course the tournament is alphabetic.

[23:00]Now, Russell, what do you have to say about these people who are complaining? We got multiple text messages about the tournament. Russell, what do you think while I pull up the Instagram? For one, the tournament bracket has not been fully unveiled and we've got people's names could be coming up where they didn't even expect it. We were introduced to multiple people and they're Matt's friends. Matt, mom. I don't know anyone's name. So I think for people to be annoyed that they weren't in the bracket when the bracket hasn't been fully unveiled is kind of a egotistical and why don't you go listen to the fucking

[23:34]the pussycat podcast instead or whatever Matt recommended to us. Now, Russell, I want to remind you, we are being nice to our listeners. Oh, sorry. That's something we're doing right now. Did they ever promote our podcast Rob or not? I, yes, of course they did. Okay. Did you listen to it? Did they do it or not? Oh no. What the shit? No, I'm not sure. I don't think I, if, if anything, they somehow took away listeners from us to looking at our downloads.

[24:00]I'm just going to say that right now. Now, Russell, the tournament, do we want to do the tournament right now? You guys tell me. Yes, we do want to do the co-host tournament on a Russell, the co-host tournament. I'm just going to tell you right now in the first round, I've got the winners. If you want me to go through them, we had Russell in the first round. We have the best co-host with Rob, which Russell said, according to Rob, remember Matt Aaron

[24:30]and Russ didn't want to pick between people. Rob was the one who wanted to choose who was better friends than other friends. That was Rob's choice. Yeah. Rob's choice. Just to clarify. I do. I do like, I do like that. This is just a term where I get to choose things. You guys have to deal with it. I do get a kick out of that. Now, Russell, the first matchup of course was Barry from Burnsville and Brian from Woodbury. Yeah. Brian from Woodbury. In IRL, I picked Barry from Burnsville, Instagram, 75% said Brian from Woodbury.

[25:00]Wow. Okay. They were not happy about my choice. Three out of four. They did not agree. Three out of four dentists prefer Brian from Woodbury. Okay. Well, I think it might've just been him and his kids in the car all logging in and voting, but. Too bad the voters don't count on this though. Right? That's true. They do not, again, the listeners do not movie, do not matter. Why did I say movie? It's because the next guy up, complimentary movie guy, baseball donation guy. And complimentary movie guy, feet pick guy, who I did not realize were two different guys. I gotta admit, I got a text from someone and they were laughing that Rob did not realize

[25:33]there were multiple complimentary movie guys. And I got news for you. There is a third complimentary movie guy who also texted over this too. Wow. So there's at least three Rob and you guys thought there was only one. There are three. Wow. It's like Aaron's sister is going out to see movies with you guys too. It's all these people that are just made up. All these real people. Now, of course, Russell, I picked who in that? I mean, who could forget the thrilling. You picked the complimentary movie guy who would send pictures of his feet. And that is what our listeners agree to.

[26:00]62% said feet guy. Okay. And again, that's just. 62? I just see Aaron's Instagram. I don't even, is that like five out of nine? What is 62%? I'm trying to figure that out too. It doesn't, don't think about what it is. Okay. 62 out of 100. There's one that's just a hundred. We're not, we're not even going to worry about that. Okay. 31 out of 50. There you go. Next up, we have Greta's husband who is mad at us. Versus Guy from Chicago, the mystery listener. Okay. Now in this one, the audience split 50, 50, but in a decision that I actually thought

[26:33]about 31 to 31 or 25 to 25, it's might be a thousand to a thousand. We don't know. 2,500 to 2,500. Here's the thing is that I thought about this decision. You can't change your pick. The tournament is advanced. No, I'm just want to say, I really thought about it. Okay. So maybe still listening that we don't want him to be mad. Okay. But I did pick a guy from Chicago who is a stranger, a stranger. Okay. Next up, Russell, we did Joe from Woodbury, John from Edina.

[27:03]Okay. Now, of course I picked John from Edina because Joe didn't laugh at Joe. You also said he was a better friend. You said a lot of things that we had to delete too, right? Better at betting on sports. Better at betting on sports. Better at second base. Better in Vegas trips. Quick or bad. Quick or bad. Quick or bad. Yeah. I don't know. Quick or bad, that reminds me of my sophomore year. When I actually was part of a bat racing team where we smuggled in bats from a Chinese wet

[27:33]market. I don't think everything went wrong with that. I think that was actually fine. I can't even look at you right now. When did I start that bat league? When did I start that quick or bat league? It was like 2000, it was like the end of 2019, 2019. Yeah. Oh, wow. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. Sorry if you guys hear my pangolin walking around in the background. That darn thing. Now listen. Hey, Matt. Matt, when we're up at 2:30 in the morning, remember it was Rob that redid everything.

[28:03]He's just repeating what we did last week. It wasn't me. It's Rob doing it now. Just remember. We're redoing stuff we've already done? He's just repeating the results. Well, no, he's given the Instagram poll. Okay. Right. Thank you. Okay. By the way, that is my Instagram username. Instagram poll if you want to come find me on there. Russell. Russell. Russell. Russell. Russell. Yes. We could move this along a little quicker. Yes. Okay. Russell, did you understand what my quicker bat bit was? It was about COVID-19. Oh. Okay.

[28:30]Now that was a disaster. I'm in the game if I got to choke up a little bit, but let's keep it going. You think if Sully Sullenberger had died from COVID-19, he'd be like, "Things with wings. They get me every time." What? Hey, these bats from China. Well. Wasn't it the pangolin? Peace. Bats. We might have been the pangolin too. Those things are delicious. The best co-host with Rob. We had Little Rosie versus Magic Mike 69. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

[29:00]No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. It's Little Rosie. Why do they call him Little Rosie? here when i was in vegas and rob overdosed me on edibles there were two people i texted it was rob and joe from woodbury and i said help someone needs to come down here and get me and that text

[29:32]went to rob and joe from woodbury there's no way i would ever text john for me diana and say help someone needs to come and get me but joe from woodbury i would trust him to come get me any day so joe from woodbury needs a little more you can't which one of them did rob come to get you Joe from Woodbury came again. I can't remember who did come. You know, we all were having trouble that night remembering what exactly happened. You see John from Edana coming down to help you at the casino. He's carrying a big barrel of chew spit.

[30:01]You're like, oh no. Butt naked. So, the next up we had Little Rosie. Why do they call him Little Rosie at Magic Mike 69? Now, of course I picked Magic Mike, didn't I? Magic Mike 69, guys, he wore our shirt to work, okay? He continues to be our best super fan, whereas Little Rosie, I'm not so sure listens at all. The audience was split 50-50 on that one. Next up. 100,000 to 100,000.

[30:33]Next up, Manny from St. Paul or Matt's friend. No, no, no. South St. Paul. Manny from South St. Paul or Matt's friend Aaron. Okay. Now, of course, I went with Matt's friend Aaron because I don't think Manny has actually ever left a message on the show. Do you know if he listens? I'm not sure he listens. He listens in the shower. He listens in the shower. You can't hear the shower. I, of course, picked Matt's

[31:01]friend Aaron. Unfortunately, the internet says 56% Manny from St. Paul. 56%? I didn't know how you could do that. 44% Manny from St. Paul Aaron. That is outrageous. That's five out of nine. This is so sad. And then the last Matt's mom versus Matt's old baseball coach, Matt. Was it Matt's mom or mother-in-law? This was Matt's mom. Umbilical cord one. I thought Matt's... Yeah, yeah, okay. And I picked Matt's mom and Matt's mom won 64%.

[31:30]We are in agreement, okay? And then we have Matt's wife, Neal from Lakeville. Matt's wife smoked him. 62%. Okay? Just like I thought, too. Let's get Matt's wife in here. Okay? I don't need to hear about it. But they had some doctored referees running that result, huh? And that is it. Russell, what is going on today in the tournament? All right, the next matchup on day two of the tournament is Patty. R2-Day 2. Excuse me, Russell. First episode of season two of Beck Did It Better. Oh, my.

[32:00]S2E1. S2E1. Our first matchup is Patty, which is Matt. Is that your mom or mother-in-law? Mother-in-law. That's your mother-in-law versus the pleasure principal. The pleasure principal versus Patty. Wow. Oh, boy. Oh, the pleasure principal. I forgot he's going to be down at pee. I never would have guessed he was going to be down at pee. Nothing to do with pee otherwise. You know what? I do have a feeling that Matt's mother-in-law does want

[32:30]me to talk about penises less. But I am going to have to go with the pleasure principal because he is an expert with that thing. Okay? He knows what he's doing. He loves to impregnate his wife. It's one of his favorite things to do. And a thousand. Yeah. Where some of us, Mike, take naps. He's like, I don't know. Mike pregnant with my wife. We'll see. The next matchup on the afternoon game on TBS, this is Rob's buddy from New York versus Rob's dental school graduate sister. Rob's buddy from New York

[33:02]versus Rob's dental school graduate sister. I think the one call she had is she was so bad. It was like legitimately bad. Why was she so mad? I don't know. Too many compliments hurt her. Who would be a better co-host, Rob? I am going with Rob's dental school graduate sister. She and I would be a great co-host. Okay. When we're talking, we light up a room. Everybody wants to listen to us. We have so many good

[33:30]bits. In fact, when her future husband came to the cabin and hung out with us, he was writing in a diary at the time. And my sister somehow just read his diary. Oh, no. I mean, if Jenny read my diary. Oh, God. Oh, my God. I just wake up and she's got rubber gloves on. I'm like, oh, you read it. You read it. Rob's diary is just written in giant letters. Yeah. Sitting

[34:00]wide open everywhere. Up there. Please do the thing. Yeah. Ah. My life's goal is to wake up to Jenny wearing a clown mask and rubber gloves. I don't think I can give just your penis a stunner. Like, that doesn't even make sense to me. So here's the thing is the diary that he had written and he wrote something about Suzanne's family. They don't do anything. All they do is sit around and

[34:30]talk. And then he wrote, they all think they're so funny. And I was like, hmm. We talked about that for weeks. We talked about that for weeks on the porch. That was great. So my sister would be a great co-host, of course. All right. Next matchup. We're going into the early evening game on TNT. I do want to say I just went to the dentist this week, Russell. Bad news. It was an x-ray visit. Okay. So guess what? Guess what they found. You'll never guess what they found. You gotta skip the one with the x-rays. You go to

[35:00]every other one without the x-rays. I got it. Oh, yeah. Didn't we do my x-rays last year? Oh, my phone's buzzing. That's not good. Multiple buzzes. The next matchup on TNT. Amazon delivery. Rubber gloves has arrived. We got Rob. You know, back when Rob used to do greatest hits when we just appreciated, hey, let's promote the podcast instead of promoting Rob. We did a Rob's greatest hits and Rob's mom was on a co-host. And so the next matchup is Rob's mom versus Rob's St.

[35:30]Olaf niece. Who would be a better co-host? You mean the St. Olaf niece? Olaf. The St. Olaf niece. St. Olaf niece versus my mom. Let me think. Who would I want to make jokes with more? Of course, guys, it's my niece. Okay. We would have a great time. All right. I already did. My mom's already heard the hold the end of the condom joke. I mean, where is it going to go from there? That's next up. This is a this is a main event here. This is on CBS. We've got the main crew calling

[36:00]the game. This is Russ's cousin who listens to the podcast with her new baby versus Russell's unnamed uncle who does not want to get savage so he never calls into the podcast. Wow. I am going to take the uncle. He's going to at least advance one around. The next matchup is is the late matchup of the evening. We've got a couple more here, but we've got Charm because we've decided we're spelling with an S H. I don't. Charm versus Steve. That's Steve. Wow. So I have Charm. Let's see. I have

[36:32]Steve. Charm with a CH with an E on the end, like the French, French Charm. A Steve who I consider a friend and a mentee. Honestly. Taught him a lot of things. You know, he would come to me like, Rob, what, how do I meet girls and stuff? And I was like, okay, I'll take you under my wing. I'll show you. Okay. Rob, do you think I'm like your greatest day ever? First, you want to get yourself some rubber gloves. On your greatest day ever and Steve, that's

[37:02]Steve's worst day ever. Do you think there were more women attracted to you or not? Oh, no, please. Please. I just want you to picture this right now, Russell. Yeah. A woman masturbating to me. Just picture that right now. Yes. You can't do it. I can't do it. What would I be doing in their, in their thoughts? Squatting. Dude, you gotta be lifting. You got, you got video all over the internet. Someone has definitely more likely a man than a woman, but someone

[37:30]has definitely masturbated to some of your lifting videos. It's definitely happened. You got all that video out there? At this point, I would take it. Honestly. You're in somebody's wheelhouse for sure. Not saying mine necessarily, but. Yeah. Well, you pick and Rob, Charm or Steve, that's Steve. Listen, Steve, like I said, great friend, but I will go with the total stranger in Charm, okay? Here we go. Charm and I are going to be co-hosts. This is the first thing that Steve's ever lost at in his life.

[38:00]Yep. Sorry, Steve. Okay. You lose to me again. Okay. Like so many women who had to choose between us and college. The next matchup is Suzanne, one of Rob's friends he talks a lot about with on the podcast and on the text chain. Suzanne versus the guy from Russ's public speaking class who Rob called it the pubic speaking class when he called in to criticize the podcast. Suzanne versus the guy from Russ's pubic speaking class. That pubic speaking class was one of the best

[38:31]bits we ever did on the show. I have to take the guy from the pubic speaking class. Suzanne is out. Can you imagine how good of a co-host he would be? Hello, Rob. I'm here as your co-host. That's what I think a public speaking class is. You just really get nunciate. The next matchup, this is the, this is the, we'll call this the eight, nine, if you will. We've got the landlord, Matt's sister-in-law who called in once. Yep. Versus two-star unlistenable drivel review man.

[39:01]The landlord, sister-in-law versus two-star unlistenable drivel review man. Two stars is not, like, I feel like I could work with that. Okay. I feel like I've actually dated a lot of girls for a long time where they started with thinking I'm a two-star review. And by the end, Russ, they're J-O-ing thinking about me. Okay. That's how they ended. Oh, Rob. I mean, what, what could they be thinking of?

[39:30]What? Bending over to pick up some money or something? I don't know. No. No. Now, from the front, Russell. Who'd you pick? Who's advancing? I will take a two-star review guy. Two-star review guy. Yeah, of course. I've got to see. I can convince him. All right. The last, the last, the last matchup in the first round. So technically, if you didn't make it into this matchup, you probably didn't make it into a listener that Rob cared enough about to tell me, put him in the tournament. So I apologize. The last matchup of tonight is

[40:01]the upstairs roommate, not Russ versus what's-her-name Krista, Kristen, Kirsten, or Christy. The upstairs roommate. She is a W versus what's-her-name She is a W for what's-her-name. What's-her-name? Krista. Wow. Another W. Wow. That's creative with the alphabet. I will be taking what's-her-name Kirsten, Christy. What's-her-name? Yep. Listen, Russell, excellent job. We need to get right away into Roland

[40:31]going. I cannot wait to see who's going to win that tournament. On the Cinemax channel tonight, we've got Replacements Dude versus Rob's friend Suzanne, who gave What was it, man? I forget. I'll take Suzanne. Now. Roland going. Aaron, how's it rolling going with you tonight? Man, it was rolling down the highway today. I drove. So we, I spent I don't even know. I've been rocking out

[41:01]for a whole week now. Even more. So I'm going to have to see if it's enough for next week. But we drove to Southern California. So we left a week ago today. I drove the whole six and a half hours to Irvine. What? Are you serious? I did. I drove the whole way. And then I mean, you guys probably were, you know, you're probably wondering why you weren't hearing it from me as much. Why I wasn't chiming in on some of the betting text chains is because I was driving. I was out there driving my family, rolling down the road. So we drove down. Aaron, just so

[41:31]you're certain about this, I wasn't wondering. I didn't care whether you responded to any of the text chains. I didn't think at all about whether you were responding or not. Listen, I just wanted to make sure you were clear on that. So I drove all the way down last Saturday. Drove all the way back up this Saturday. In between, we hit Irvine, Palm Springs, and Disneyland for two days. So I'll give you guys a little bit of my Disneyland. Can I jump in real quick and just ask you something? Yeah. So like when you're at Disneyland,

[42:00]like being that you're so rich, how did it feel to like pay to jump in front of the lines in front of all the poor people? You got right to the heart muscle. It's true. It doesn't feel great always to be the person. Because we did. Yeah. We do the, yeah, we do the Lightning Lane and the Genie Plus. Like we're not going to go if we can't. And now, of course, my kid is totally spoiled. Like Wallace is like, I'm sure glad we have the Fast Pass. And it's like, maybe we don't have to like announce it that way. He's making eye contact with

[42:30]everybody going in. Why don't you have the Fast Pass? My dad has a Fast Pass. Yeah. And he like won't go on a ride if it's not the Lightning Lane. Like we stood in an actual line for two rides and he was just like, oh God, what is this? And then like even Lightning Lanes that were too long, he'd be like, ah, this Lightning Lane sucks. Wow. He was a total trooper. We walked more than 20,000 steps both days. Thursday, Friday, we were up in the park before 8 a.m. both days. Thursday, we came back for a little break in the afternoon and then went back again. Friday, we

[43:00]went straight through until 7 p.m. from 8 a.m. So we were rocking. But I would say top things for me at Disneyland. We've been twice now. My son this year is fully into all of the biggest rides. So he did everything like the Incredicoaster, which is the fast roller coaster that goes upside down. We did both Star Wars rides or three Star Wars rides. But I would say the greatest thing that happened was, well, number one, I tried the Chili Mango Dole Whip, which was pretty amazing.

[43:30]And then the next thing that happened that was fantastic was we were doing the Guardians of the Galaxy ride, which is like what used to be the Tower of Terror. So you'd like sit in a cart and then launches you straight up in the air and then you drop again and you launch back up in the air and then like the window opens, you drop again. No. Yeah, we got in line for that. We had the lightning pass for that. And then we got all the way into the car and we got close to the car and Wallace was like, I have to pee. I got to go to the bathroom. We're like, do we ask you? Yeah, like we asked you had to go like, come on, man.

[44:00]I would have just taken him to the orphanage and been like, he was nice. He was like he was like running in circles. And we were like, dude, can you just hang on? And so we got in. We got we got we got our seatbelts on the ride. And then he was like, no, no, I can't do it. I'm going to wet my pants. And so like we had he had to take his seatbelt off and get off the ride. And I was so disappointed because I was like, I know he's going to like this ride. What a bummer. So my mom and I stayed on the ride. We did the ride and it took Wallace to the bathroom. We finished and the lady running the ride gave us a little slip that was like, hey,

[44:30]one on one with Aaron's mom, right? Yeah. Mom met us at Disneyland. She's also a big ride rider. So she was there doing the rides. We finished and this lady gave us a slip of paper that was a big one. She's a big ride rider. You know, your little one missed it. Like, come on back. The seatbelt can't quite fit down in front of me because I'm a big ride rider. That's actually too real, Russell. Please don't say that. Do you, I'm sorry.

[45:00]Do you have like an extender for the seatbelt at all? I'm afraid about this ride. It seems so loose in the crotch. You know what I mean? When I sit down, it's so loose in the crotch. Are you sure there's not a weight limit for this thing? Because I'll happily get on that. Yeah, that's the scale. So then we got to come back. We had to come back and do, I got to do Guardians of the Galaxy twice in a row because they hooked us up with an extra pass because he had to run off for a bathroom emergency. I do love how there's like kids who are waiting like two to three hours in line to get on this ride and Aaron and his mom are like,

[45:30]yeah, we'll jump in front of those kids and we'll ride this ride. Why wouldn't we, right? It doesn't feel great. You're right. It doesn't feel like when we, one of the rides we did at the end of the day Thursday, like it was two hours. The whole, the wait was two hours. And we did the lightning lane. So like when you get up to the front and you're like seeing the other, because eventually the lines kind of merge and like you see the people who've been in line for two hours and you're like, man, I'm like hats off to those folks. - This is why I laid off that lady on Halloween so I could afford to go on a ride like this.

[46:00]We don't have to wait in line, right? Matt, have you taken your kids to Disney or not? - Yeah, we went two years ago. Did Disney and Universal. Universal, I forget what the pass is. There's a couple of passes there, but that one it's unlimited, right? So if you get the fast pass or whatever, you can just always go to the fast pass lane. But did you have it at Disney where the only could do a few lightning passes at a time? - Yeah, you got to book them on the app. So you spend your whole day, you know. - So they're trying to level it out

[46:30]so that it's a little bit more, you know, fair, equitable, however you want to say it. So you can't just do it. But I'd go back to Universal heartbeat. The only reason is that you can just get to the fast lines every single time. And, and go, cause yeah, ultimately you do end up waiting in one or two lines on rides you want to do. And it's just, it takes so long. It takes so long. - We waited a bit or we had a lot of like ice cream and churros in between while we were waiting for our next ride to come up. - We waited about an hour and 45 minutes

[47:00]to get on a Thunder Mountain or something like that. - Big Thunder Mountain, that one's fun. - And Eddie, and Eddie, Eddie, same thing. We got up there and he was like, "I gotta go to the bathroom." Son of a bitch. - So that was it. That was me rolling, rolling down I-5, rolling back up I-5. And I'm here to record a podcast. How's it rolling going with Matt? - I don't know how you're doing it. - Good. I've got a few on my list. I'm just going to go with the short one though. Cause we're going a little long here. So my dad, I told you about my dad. - You don't have a song?

[47:31]- Oh yeah. A song. - I like when you play a song. - Yeah. We've got Boy Genius. Emily, I'm sorry. If anybody hasn't heard of Boy Genius. - Oh, that's three independent. - She's Bridgers, right? - Phenomenal musicians. They have come together every once in a while. I think they've got two albums and they just had a, they just had a album come out at the end of last year, maybe, or middle of last year. - Yeah. And then they performed on the Grammy's. Very good. - God, they're so good. So up there on the American Treasure platform

[48:03]with our buddy, Lana Del Rey. But so Boy Genius, Emily, I'm sorry. This is Sarah got me onto this one. So I got to give her credit for getting me onto this one. So my dad, you know, he was, he was taking pictures of the cars next to him. Just in case he got dented. - Of course. - He had a, had a death in the family. It was too bad. My uncle passed away. So all of my mom's side of the family got together. We were at the Olive Garden. - Nice.

[48:30]- And so there's 25 of us around the table. It was really nice to see some cousins. - Hey man, when you're there. - So I'm sitting next to my dad. We, everybody's got their meals or whatever. And all of a sudden he grabs the two sugar, shakers or the sugar dishes. You know, they've got a little individual sugar packages. If you've got coffee or whatever. And he starts taking all of the yellow sugar packets. - Put them in his pocket? - He starts putting them in his pocket. I'm like, what? This is good sugar. This is good stuff. They're just free. And so my brother and I,

[49:01]the waitress comes over and so he said, "Are you sure you could take all that sugar?" You know, and she goes, "I don't care. Take whatever you want." So we were trying to bust them in front of the waitress, but that's the boomer moment of the, of the week from, from my dad was stealing the sugar packets, which is just quasi embarrassing and quasi just hilarious that you'd feel like you have to steal sugar packets. So. - What? - What's that?

[49:30]- You know what would 100% happen to me if I stole sugar packets? My pants would go through the wash and I'd have 12 sugar packets in there. It'd be a disaster. I'm out in the whole washing machine. You'd just be covered by ants. I'd be like, I don't know, but that cannot be good. - Not on the level of sugar packets. We walked on last night to go get our takeout from the restaurant at the, at the hotel. And some people's, you know, you had like, you get your room service, you leave your room service stuff in the hallway. They had the most adorable miniature bottles of ketchup,

[50:03]mayonnaise, and Dijon mustard, all three Heinz. - Oh yeah. - Fully sealed. - Fully sealed. - Doesn't come, doesn't come home with me, right? - Yeah. - I mean, brand new bottle of Heinz Dijon mustard. - Hey. - In a adorable little bottle. - Hey, hot question for you. I had a few drinks today and I was sending out a lot of text messages about what you guys thought about stuff. What do you guys think about going to like a fancy restaurant and all of a sudden they bring out like the big red and yellow ketchup and mustard,

[50:30]like you would get at a diner. - Like the squeeze bottle? - Like the big squeeze bottle at a fancy restaurant. - I think it's pretty gangster. - It's so out of place, isn't it? - I think it's pretty gangster because they're saying- - Gangster, you're saying bad. - You want, you want ketchup and mustard. Okay, here you go. - On your fillet. - Children, you know, take your, here's your squeeze bottle. Yeah. - As soon as they bring them out, Russell, I would do the dumb and dumber. I'd be like, that's not so hot. That's not so hot. Squeeze them. - Why don't you eat your burger and we'll tell you. - Yeah. - You know, so the only thing that I've,

[51:01]my kids and I now have a contest when we go to Pizza Luce, they've got these mints by the front door and we try to see who can grab the most on the way out the door without getting caught. And it's like, you got to be kidding me. - Eddie is the best one, the littlest one. He's, he's gotten like 12 every time. I usually top out about six or seven. Eddie's got over 12, so. - Has anyone ever told you to stop taking, like has anyone ever said like, hey, that's too many mints? - No, no, but you know, but I, we used to, it's been a joke for a long time.

[51:30]Like you gotta, it's a quick, you gotta go by quick guys. You gotta go by quick and you just grab and go. You gotta put them in your pockets. They can't see what you got in your hands. Grab, go quick, real go, you know? So then Eddie, he's just a little squirrel, man. Just keeps going back cause he's so short, so. - You hear, you hear him walk by and he goes, oh my God, there's smoke billowing out of the kitchen. I hope everybody in there is okay. And then when they turn around, he's off with the mints. - Russell, rolling going, how's it going with you? - Okay, so I, I normally have like a specific story or something to tell you guys. I'm just going rapid fire. We're going to go lightning round. - Nice. - I'll do a couple of them tonight.

[52:00]We'll do a couple of them next week. So I went to a twins game today. I love going to like the twins games at the beginning of the year. And we got there and we sit down and it's cold, it's windy. And we sit down and I purposely got tickets on the third baseline. Cause I'm like, we'll be in the sun. It turns out we're one row away from the sun. - Oh, painful. - So the only thing I hear from, from the twins fan next to me is how we missed the sun by one row, but anyways. - Was there that many people there that you couldn't like shift around a little?

[52:32]- We probably could have jumped on front, but man, it was crowded enough where you weren't just going to jump in front easily. But, but what I did notice the sun kept moving and moving but the rows in front of us, I'm going to put them on. We're all wearing sunglasses during the whole game. What are your thoughts about people who wear sunglasses when no sunglasses are needed? You're in like, you're in the shade and there's 20 dudes in front of us wearing sunglasses in the shade, your thoughts. And I'm wearing sunglasses right now.

[53:00]Look at how cool these glasses are. What do you guys think? - That's not cool as hell. - Sunglasses when they're not needed, your thoughts. - I, I wear them all the time. - You wear them all the time, man. - I wear them all the time. But you know, like, but I get, I don't know if it's like I wore hats so much of my life that I don't wear a lot of hats now that I think I get just, I can't handle it. Even if it's like just the brightness in front of something like that. And it's probably just all mental or whatever. But if I started scrunching them, I had to get a headache, stuff like that. So I just wear them all the time now just to be a little bit more comfortable from-

[53:30]- You're in the shade, you're wearing them. - Not, but it's not, it's more just the light. It's not the sun coming directly into my eyes, if you will. It's just to make sure I'm not like scrunching. - I think if you've got some nice polarized lenses, it can enhance your vision in a way. - What? - I do think that. - You think it can enhance your vision? - I was wearing, we drove down last Saturday. It was raining and I kept my sunglasses on for a long time while I was driving 'cause I could actually see better with them on than off. - You were wearing sunglasses in a rainstorm?

[54:00]Russell, if you're driving next to somebody and they're wearing sunglasses in a rainstorm, you gotta be a little suspicious, aren't you? - What are we talking about? - Russell, guys, just to let you know, Russell is wearing sunglasses on the podcast. It is one of the most distracting things that's ever occurred on the podcast. - I've been waiting to put them on all night. They've been sitting here right next to my Sid Bream cards. I've been waiting to put them on. - I think you're gonna enjoy it. I also, when we did the auction where I dressed as Pitbull, I had to wear sunglasses all night and wearing them indoors was actually sort of freeing.

[54:32]- Hey, Aaron, what were you looking at with those sunglasses on? - Nothing. It doesn't matter. You can be spacing out, you can close your eyes. - You get way down to those feet. - Nobody even knows. - Nobody even knows you're looking at those toes. Listen, you guys need to get some darker eyes. I've never needed sunglasses ever. The brightest of lights do nothing to me. - Rob, I'm with you. I've never worn sunglasses. This is the first time I've worn them is on this podcast. - I've, the only time I wear them is to look cool. That's it. - You're so full of shit, Rob.

[55:00]You wear them all the time. You have red heart-looking sunglasses. I've seen you wear sunglasses. You're full of shit. - And guess what, Russell? I don't need them. I just wear them to look cool, okay? And it works. I taught that Steve, all right? The fake, the sunglasses to look good bit. He did it for years. - All right, last question on the- - That and I taught him the Hungarian tickler. Okay, which is a move. It involves two rubber gloves. - Involves two and a half rubber gloves. - Two and a half rubber gloves.

[55:30]What happens when you come home and your upstairs roommate says, "Oh man, they kind of screwed up your haircut." Oh, brutal. - What do you do? - You just say, "Hey, you know what? You know the difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut?" - What's that? - About three days. In about three days, it'll be just fine. Don't worry about it, you know? - Russell, listen. The fact that somebody is noticing you around your house. Hey, Amelia, look at this. Look at Russell. Look, he's wearing sunglasses.

[56:00]Is that, how am I supposed to do anything? I know, what a freak, I agree. - Ask Amelia if you've ever gotten a bad haircut, Rob. - Amelia, Amelia, have I ever had a bad haircut? - She just shut the door. - She didn't even make it 10 seconds. - This feels like a chance to do something to have some bonding. You could say, "Hey, why don't you take me to your hair person sometime?" And then you can do that. That is a thing you can do together. - Russell, that's the worst advice I've ever heard in my entire life, okay? - This is coming from a bald guy. - Do not listen to this guy. Don't listen to the bald guy. - The only time my haircut gets screwed up

[56:30]is if I cut myself and then I have to go out and say, "Hey, would you please put a bandaid on the back of my head 'cause I can't see where I'm bleeding from?" - For the record, Russell, did you think it was a bad haircut? I mean, like, sometimes, you could tell, you know, somebody kind of gives you like, "Eh, I went a little short off to the side." - So I've got this thing in it. We've talked about this, Matt. You've talked about how you've got a barber, that you like to go to a certain place. I've been going to the same place since I've been like seven years old. Legit 40 years, it's the same guys. And I don't even want to put this out into like the space, if you will, but like at some point, these guys are gonna,

[57:01]they're gonna, they're not gonna make it forever. At some point, I'm gonna have to find it. Like, these are old dudes. We're talking like mid-70s guys, right? They're not, they're not young and spry. But like, but I just go there and there's two or three guys and I don't have a specific one. Any of the three that have worked there for 30, 40 years, I'm good. I walk in, I'll take any of the three. But some guys, some guys kind of cut my hair a little different and, but I never say a word. I just take whatever they give me and I say, "Looks great."

[57:32]I give them money and I walk out. - Oh, no, you could never tell somebody that they gave you a bad haircut. - Oh. - Ever. - And I'd rob a finger off if this didn't say it was a bad haircut. - Why do we have to, why do we have to go there? Would we really have to do that? We've talked about this. - Yeah, we, I'm not saying it's a bad haircut, ever. And I, and I still, like, gave him a 100% tip on whatever he charged me. Like, I just-- - Rob, I'm gonna give you a 100% tip now. Roland going, "How's it going with you?" - But just the tip. - Just the tip. - Just the tip.

[58:00]- No, just, to be clear, Rob, that was 100% of the tip I could give you. There's no more I could provide. - The full tip. - It was 50%. - 50% or anything. - I'm gonna edit this out, but you guys talk about the tip so much. - Rob, Rob. Look at my sunglasses. How cool are they? - You're the intimidator, Russell. I feel like you're in my rear view right now. - I'm gonna need to go and get, I've got an espresso martini in the fridge upstairs, so I might have to go upstairs while you're talking. - Wow. Listen, I have,

[58:31]I don't think we're gonna talk about this very much. It's not a big deal. I have fired my powerlifting coach and hired my wife as my new coach. - That's so dumb. - How's it going? - I'm so into talking about the album. We don't need to talk about this at all. - What? We don't give any stories about how your wife is now your coach? - Well, can I just say this? This is the first time that I have had so much sex with my coach. Actually, my wife and my high school football coach, we've had sex about an equal number of times

[59:00]in the last two weeks or so, so. - Wait, you have had sex with your coach or your coach having sex, like your coach calls you when they have sex? - We are accountability buddies. We're sex accountability buddies. It's more like we're kind of giving each other high fives. Like, "Hey, had sex last night." And then you're like, "What is sex when you get older?" You know, could it be just like waiting until somebody falls asleep? - Would you say the coach, coachee relationship is better than the husband-wife relationship or not? - No, they're about the same. Say that right now.

[59:31]I learned almost immediately that this new coach, it turns out when she says, "Workout on Monday," and maybe it's the first Monday, like you're just getting started. It's the very first day. You're too tired, okay? You're too tired. She can't go to the gym. You're tired. You got to take a nap. - You've kind of set yourself up for a really bad, something really bad is going to happen in the future, right? When you have to fire this coach? - Well, let me just tell you right now, I don't think of her so much as a coach, okay? I mean, for God's sakes, it's my wife we're talking about.

[60:01]I don't think about her as a coach. I think about her as my employee because I hired her. So guess what? - Yes. - I can fire her anytime I want. So she better not fuck around. - You can just cancel those checks every time you send them over to her. - Yep. - Just cancel that credit card. - I'm going to tell her, the Yelp reviews, I'm just going to say this right now, her Yelp reviews, already not great lately, okay? Some of the Yelp reviews for my wife, not great. - Not equal to those of Eric Clapton. - Yeah, great, great, great presentation.

[60:33]Great presentation, poor customer service. Poor customer service. - April 1st to April 15th. - April 1st to April 3rd, 2024, Rob's weightlifting coach. - I was gonna say, does she have it on LinkedIn that she coaches like a world record holder? 'Cause you're a world record holder in squats, I believe, right? So does she have that? Does she play that up that she's the- - Uh, no. - Hey, Rob, Rob, if the marriage doesn't work out, I know this lady named Robin, you should check her out.

[61:02]That's some funny shit right there. Nobody knows except Jill from Woodbury, but that's funny. - I think my coach might've woken up. - She heard Robin. - And it's fine, actually, it's not a big deal. 'Cause I'm in charge and I'm the boss. All right, yeah, so I missed the very first day. And I'm not talking quieter.

[61:30]I'm not talking quieter right now. I missed the very first workout day that she gave me, and she was so mad. - I would be too. - And then that, now, Russell, this is really good to get you, because that weekend, she was out of town. Now, was she in Baltimore when that bridge collapsed? Okay, and did I text her? And she didn't text me back for hours, hours and hours. Hey, yes, that happened. Russell, she made me have a Zoom meeting with her to talk about the power lifting program.

[62:01]- Well, I mean, you gotta take it seriously. - Russell, I had to have a Zoom meeting with my wife. - Well, you've made your choice. - But how did the Zoom meeting end? - Well, she didn't think I was paying attention, so she did flash me. - Oh. - Okay? Which other coaches have neglected to do? My wife is my new coach, okay? - Everything's fine. - Everything's fine. It's not gonna cause indelible harm. I think, honestly, if we did get a divorce

[62:32]and she still coached me, that would make her happier. That's what would be her goal. - But is she like, very Bill Belichick-like, where after the end of her session, she's like, "On to next week's jerk, Rob." - Oh, I mean, can you imagine how good of a quarterback Tom Brady would have been if he was having sex with Bill Belichick and living with him? - Do we think he wasn't? - Talk about the bond they would have. You know what I mean? Like, that'd be incredible. - That's true. Unbreakable. - Meanwhile, Bob Kraft is like,

[63:00]"I have a different solution." - No. - I'm gonna do something different. Do you want, you, hey, Rob. You should retry that joke with Aaron Hernandez instead. - Oh, God. - Russell, when you say with the sunglasses, I'm scared to say anything to you. - We are so far into this episode, we haven't gotten the music yet. - Let's talk some music, Rob. All right, let's talk about the album. - Oh, is this a music podcast? - I like to make Aaron beg. - I mean, full disclosure, this album might be a little bit boring in spots, but. - Yeah, see, it's just another Rolling Stones album.

[63:32]We can fly through it. - Fly through it. - Okay, first of all, you guys stole quite a bit of my research that I just did. All right, gentlemen, ready? - Let's talk about the album. - This sucks. - Yeah. - I wouldn't say it sucks, I wouldn't say it sucks. - "Beggar's Banquet" by the Rolling Stones got to number five on the US charts, and it was a big change for the Stones. This is when they switched from psychedelic rock to kind of more kind of blues. There's some country on this. There's just, it's just a different sound,

[64:02]but this is the album, "Beggar's Banquet." It begins the greatest, undisputed, greatest four album run that has ever existed. - That's right. - "Beggar's Banquet," all right? "Let It Bleed," "Sticky Fingers," "Exile on Main Street." - That's four in the top 180 or wherever we're at, right? - Yep, yep. - So yeah, you can hear this as the beginnings of "Exile." It makes sense. - Yeah, and you can, you can hear the sound,

[64:31]although this one sounds so much better than "Exile." I still have trouble with that one. - Yeah, fair. - But this is Jimmy Miller, produced this one, which is where this new sound comes from. He was also on "Let It Bleed." They had just released "Jumping Jack Flash" as a single, which of course we know in Britain, they love to release those singles that don't exist on any album. Right after this, there's Brian Jones was kind of getting, he would just show up sometimes. They would mix them out of a lot of songs. After this album, he says, "I can't do it anymore," quits the band, and immediately dies in his pool, so.

[65:02]- Hey, Rob, if something happens to you in the pool this next week, John has told us he's ready and waiting to take over your role. - You know what, though? I was thinking when I was doing the research for this album, I get it. Like, you're just getting so unbelievably high, and then being like, "Pfft, I'm fucking going in my pool in the backyard." That sounds like fun to me. That sounds like a good time. Like, I bet most of the time you do that, it's fine. - No. - Okay? It's just that one time. - Replacements Guy made me go see

[65:30]the Brian Jonestown massacre once, and if Replacements Guy is listening, I've still not forgiven you for making me see the Brian Jonestown massacre. - Oh, he's the one. - That's the one. - That's the one of Replacements Guy. - That's the one who's not on that. - That's the one we fucked up on and not making him in the tournament. - I texted you about that, shucks. - I know, man. I know. - I forgot too. - We're gonna, we're gonna, hey, hard cut. Let's all clap. One, two, three. - You could take out, you know what? Let's replace. You could take out my brother's roommate, or landlord up in Duluth. You could take her out.

[66:00]I don't know if she listens anymore. We'll put Replacements Guy in there. - That's pretty bad. He did co-host a whole episode, and you've been- - And Rob didn't give me that name. - Listen, he does not remember that he co-hosted a whole episode, so that's weird. First off, this track. Now, I'm just gonna say this. I think the A side of this album is all killer. Almost no filler. And it starts with this. Sympathy for the Devil. Jagger is reading Baudelaire. Okay, and of course, I don't need to explain to you

[66:30]why this is related to Baudelaire. - Who else was reading Baudelaire? Was that Lou Reed or Patti Smith? That was Rambo. - Rambo, maybe. - Aaron, we're all reading Baudelaire. - All right. - And we all love that French literature. We think it's great. - Yeah. - But basically, Jagger comes up with this, and Keith Richards is like, "Hey, we should make this into a samba." So they get the drums in the back. They get the beat in the back. And while they're making the song, one of the producers can't hear somebody's mic, and they're talking back and forth,

[67:01]and he's saying, "Who? "Whose mic can't I hear? "Who, who?" And they were like, "Oh, we like that noise. "We gotta put it." And that's how they got the "who, who's" during the end of the song. - Ooh, that's a clever little tidbit. - Probably not true, but I read it on a website that's now asking me for money. - They should just put this song in every movie at some point. - Oh, totally. - However, we listened to this in the car today, and the guitar sound on here is not fun in a car. You don't like it. - You make your family listen to the albums

[67:30]we listen to in the car? - I had to today. Today was like, because I didn't want to be, well, I didn't want to be-- You know, Russell had a seminal moment to "Brown Sugar" where he didn't listen to the album. - I didn't listen to the album. - I didn't want to show up without listening to the album, so we got a couple hours into the drive. Wallace was ready to watch some Netflix, so he had his headphones on. I was like, "I'm sorry, I have to work, "so we gotta put on these two albums." - I think that song and "Monkey Man," is it "Monkey Man" by Rolling Stone? Can you pull that up really quick, Rob? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the Keith Richards one.

[68:01]- It's like in every single movie that ever came out, so. - Yeah. - That's what I'm used to. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Right, it feels like-- - Russell, you remember they played this at the concert we were at. You remember hearing this, don't you? - I did not get to hear that. I was sitting upstairs. I was thinking about that today. You may have went to a Twins game today where there was a guy kind of not behaving the way I would behave at a Twins game. We had the guy in front of us. - He had sunglasses on, huh? - No, no sunglasses. Older gentleman, old guy. They gave out winter hats at the game today, so he's got a big hat on,

[68:31]like a big winter hat that sticks up. Upstairs roommate can't see beyond the hat in front of us, so we got to move down. We moved down. Old guy in front of us is doing the lean back with arms over both chairs. So his arm is like, if you put your beer or whatever in the cup holder, his arm is like right on top of-- - Upstairs roommate did not like that shit. I'll just put it that way. - No. No. - You know what I heard when I heard that opening song, Rob?

[69:00]- What's that? - I heard Beck. - What? - I heard Beck. If you guys listen to this, check out, this is from Beck's album. I don't know what the album is. - He can't see. - The information, the song is "Strange Apparition". Check out the song. See if you hear "Beggar's Banquet" on this song right here. Oh, kind of that. Doesn't it sound pretty similar? Yeah, that beat in the back for sure.

[69:30]Beck said the Stones were one of his favorite bands ever. - Yeah, I hear it. - And if you're ever looking for Beck information, there's a website called Whiskey Clone. They've got all the info on Beck's songs and albums. It says that piano and acoustic guitar gives us the Stones feel. And then the sudden slowdown at the end is something the Stones would do. So Beck, heavily influenced by the Stones and specifically this album. And you can hear it. This is like his version of "Sympathy of the Devil". Isn't it? - It sounds, he sounds like Mick Jagger here.

[70:02]- On his album, "The Information". - "The Information". - 2006. - "The Information". - Yep. - So when it comes to me giving the information on the guy who does it, the Stones better, who does it better? - We're lost. - Russell got lost. That's awesome. - Sorry, Rob. I got these sunglasses on. It's confusing. - I think Beck did it better. - Yes. - Beck did it better, Russell. - I think he did. - That's the only answer. - When it comes to a guy giving me information, I would say Beck did it better. Now, Russell, can you go down to the bottom

[70:30]of that webpage and click where it says visitor count? I got to see what that number is. I got to see how many people have been to that page. I don't know how many times they can count me, but we're getting there. - That's a good jam though, isn't it? You can hear with the influence, can't you? - Yeah. - 100%. Next up, "No Expectations". This is Brian Jones on his slide guitar. One of his last contributions to the band. - I've got confusion over the slide guitar

[71:01]versus a steel guitar. We got into this once, probably a year or two ago, when Rob was still inviting us to be part of the podcast. I don't know the difference between a slide and a steel. Do you guys? - Wait, did you say a year or two ago? - When Rob didn't replace us there. - Oh, oh. - The slide guitar, Russell, they just put like a thing on their finger and they play the guitar with that. A steel guitar is a whole different instrument where they're at a table, I think. - Oh, Russell's hammering that espresso martini. Russell, we're only, there's one in the fridge.

[71:31]- We've got to double tonight. - We've got to get through this album or I'm going to have to go get it. - God, I do whatever Russell says with the sunglasses on. I feel like I'm talking to the Terminator. - I know, the sunglasses really make it. - Dear Doctor. Now, Aaron, the song made me think of the other day when I had a fawn was injured in my backyard. - Oh, no. - And you know who I called about it? - Dr. Doolittle? - No, the dear doctor. - My son went to Halloween once as a bear doctor,

[72:05]but we didn't know if he meant like a doctor who works on bears or a bear that was also a doctor. So we just gave him a bear head and a white coat. - Just a white coat and his big hairy chest sticking out underneath. - Yep. - Bear doctor. All right, that song did feature, it was kind of a country song, and the reason it was country is because it had a tack piano. We talked tack and jangle piano many months ago. You guys remember that?

[72:30]I do remember that. That was actually one of my favorite lists. - What's a good one? - By the way, Beyoncé's, the country album is pretty darn good. - What do you guys think? Did you listen to it? - Pretty darn good, yeah. - Oh, I've listened to it so many times already. - Three or four times, yeah. - I enjoyed it. - Yeah. - And Texas Hold'em, after you listen to the entire album, the song is even better. - Yeah. - And if you listen to that in headphone, it's gotta be a headphone song, to me. - You're right, man. It's a crusher. - It's unbelievable. - I've got, years ago, you guys know, I bought some Beats by Dre. I had some good, like, nice headphones,

[73:02]and I've been putting these in backpacks, bringing them to work, bringing them back, bringing them on planes. They finally kind of fell apart. - Right. - And I was gonna buy a new pair, and I was gonna ask Aaron specifically this. Every pair I look up on Amazon, they're all wireless ones. Am I losing anything if I do wireless headphones versus wired headphones, if I'm doing, like, a nice pair of headphones? - I mean, I don't have nice headphones, so I don't know if I'm the right person to ask, but I still feel like Bluetooth sound,

[73:30]you're losing something. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think if you're using wireless connections, I think you're still not getting the best sound you can get. - My opinion, it's, you're not losing enough to get rid of the convenience of the Bluetooth, in my opinion. - Yeah, that's probably true. That is probably true. - Okay. I'll tell you what, these guys were, they asked me the same question, but they were building a submersible. I was gonna go deep underwater, and they were like, "Should we go with the wired option or the Bluetooth?" And I was like, "I think the Bluetooth is fine. I think it's great."

[74:00]- Didn't they also ask you how they should steer the ship? And you're like, "Well, I got this old, controller over here." - I said, "Yeah." I said, "Hey, this is old. It needs new batteries, but take it." - And then they were like, "Hey, can you make sure our hull's reinforced to code?" And you were like, "I mean, you need codes down there. It's fine." - I think it would be ironic if I was on that, if I was on the underwater odyssey or whatever it's called. What was it called again? I was on that, if I was on that device, and there was a woman. - Not gonna go to the bottom of the ocean. - I think it made it to the bottom, actually.

[74:33]I don't think that was part of the problem. I think it got there too fast. - Well, you know, you guys know when Rob has been playing basketball all these years with Captain Phillips, I was playing basketball with Kurt Russell. Captain Ron, Captain Ron, Captain Ron. - Just watched that movie the other day. - Captain Ron. - You've watched Captain Ron? - Yeah. - The whole thing? Like, you start to finish, you're like, "I'm gonna watch Captain Ron." - Yeah, it was great. Martin Short has sex in the shower.

[75:01]- 184 days a year. - Martin Short? - 184 days a year. - Yeah. If you ever watched "Amigos, Amigos, Amigos," and you were like, "I wish I saw his butt," that was the movie for you. - Can you imagine if a woman had sex with Martin Short and then had sex with Rob, how different that experience would be? That was my nickname in my sophomore year of college. Listen, all you need to know about this movie is if you've ever been in a shower in a boat, the idea that you could possibly have sex with someone else in that space is laughable, okay?

[75:32]It would never happen. - Oh. - Now, it's so small that I sat, I fell down, Russell, actually, in the shampoo bottle, that incident. - Oh, no, what happened? - That was 'cause I fell, I fell. - Yeah. - It didn't have a flared base, don't let me make that mistake again. - Oh, no. - Here's the thing, Russell, what if I was on that thing going down into the ocean and I had a woman on there, like, spanking my ass and put a collar on me? - What are we talking about right now? I'm so confused. I don't even know what he's talking about. - I'd be a sub on a sub, you know what I mean?

[76:02]- Oh. - And then, but then, but then, Aaron, guess what? Whistle blows, okay? Coach says, " you're out of there." We'll put somebody else in. - Hey. - Guess what that would be, Aaron? - You're gonna bleep your lame out there. - You wanna guess what that would be? That would be a sub for my sub on the sub. - Turns out that coach, it wasn't his day to be coach at that submarine. He was in there for somebody else who got sick, so he's also. - He's a sub, well, Aaron, but you'll never guess.

[76:30]- He's subbing your sub, the sub, the subbing your sub on a sub. - I leave the, I leave the floor, right? And the guy's getting whipped. This new guy's getting whipped and put a collar on, just made degrading shit. - What are you guys talking about? - Like making, like making a sandwich. So he's making a sub. - He's hungry. Man, no, he's hungry. - Yes, I knew he was going there. - And so guess what I bring him. - I knew he was going there. - I bring a sub for my sub of a being a sub on the sub. - I can see it, I can see it. - And we're gonna, we're gonna put words

[77:00]on the bottom of the screen, Aaron. So guess what this is all gonna be? - A sub for my sub of the sub on the sub. It'd be subtitled. - Hey, and if I sign up for this podcast next week, I would be subbing to the discussion about the sub of Rob eating the sub of the sub, right? - Oh, I didn't eat the sub, Aaron. - Oh. - Russ, that's, I gave it to the sub, who is my sub. - Keep trying. - Sub on the sub. - If you try three more names, you'll get it right. - What sub are we on? We gotta keep this moving.

[77:30]- Can I just say this, Russ is, when I got sick last night, don't, you can't, dude, when I got sick last night, you can't fuck with me. Like, I'm a different person right now. - It is, it is actually. - It's like when I have my hat on and I, you know, and I turn it around backwards, you know, it's just like a, it's like a switch. - Now I don't have to pay any child support to turn it around. Here's the thing, Russell, you got us through the song fast, which is ironic because the, with the story of that song, the story of a young man discovering his fiancee

[78:00]has abandoned him on the day they're to be wed, much to his relief. - I mean, you can't blame him, right? - Oh, Russell, don't say that. - No, no. You show up and she's like, "Wow, you got that haircut again." Can't believe it. Refundable deposit, I'm good. Your haircut is a refundable deposit? - No, I don't wanna talk about my bad haircut anymore. - I think this, this is a thread we wanna pull a little bit right now.

[78:30]I think we need this. - You wanna pull the parachute? - Yeah, I just think we should pull up this refundable deposit thread, 'cause that feels like a little tidbit, just a little, it's a little sprinkly. - Rob, if you jump to the end, about 30 seconds to go, this is where the harmonica can add so much to a song. We've heard, I've been, I've ripped some of the Dylan harmonica stuff. There's harmonica at the end of this. It's just, it's pleasant. I like it. - Yeah. Mick Jagger, good on harmonica, and you know what that makes me think of.

[79:00]- What's that? I bet when he slept with David Bowie, it was incredible. - Oh. - You know what I mean? I bet, no, but if you caught Mick Jagger and David Bowie having sex, you'd have to be like, that is beautiful. Those are two beautiful people. - That makes sense. - And they're just, and they're just going to town on each other. Makes you think. Jigsaw puzzle. This song is a little bit of a filler, but I will say it picks up through,

[79:31]guys, this is, this is the end of side one. I love the side one. I think "No Expectations" is a great song. "Dear Doctor" is a great song. - So I didn't really realize, I was confused on the chronology of this. So this is early in their move toward jangly blues rock. - It's like the first, yeah. - Yes. - So people who were big fans of what, stuff like "Jum and Jack Flash" or "Can't Get No Satisfaction", this would have been kind of jarring for them, right?

[80:00]- Mm-hmm. - It's hard to imagine. - Oh, yeah. I was like, sure. ♪ All the world ♪ - For sure. If you listen to, the only albums, "Rolling Stones" album I had growing up was the collection of all their singles. - Right. - And so "Sympathy for the Devil" was toward the end. Their early stuff was so like hippie sixties, like, you know, flowers everywhere. They're in your hair. She's like a rainbow. - You know, I think technically, Bill, what's his name, his last credit was on "Let It Bleed", but he had like a harmonica, something like that.

[80:32]This is like the last one where he actually had like guitar riffs and stuff like that that he's playing. - Oh, Brian. - Brian Wilson. - Jones. - Brian Jones. I'm sorry, Brian Jones. But you can totally hear, and they say it all the time, like as soon as he essentially got out of the way, they just were able to open up, you know, their whole catalog and do a whole bunch more of what they wanted to do. - Okay. - And kind of took the band to be their own again and not Brian Jones' band. Yeah, remember they did like that, like the, I don't know, the one that looked like,

[81:02]when the Beatles went with the satanic majestics or majesties request or whatever, that was kind of trying to look like Sergeant Pepper. - Yeah. - That was before this one. And then "Beggar's Banquet" came out after that and then "Let It Bleed" about 11 months later. And so, yeah. - Can I just say this, guys? I just saw Russell in his Oakleys where he looks like a junior high football coach. He looks like every junior high football coach I've ever seen in my life. He just took the biggest swig of an espresso martini,

[81:32]broke my brain. To see somebody with wearing sunglasses that look like this. I mean, Russell looks like a guy who like is going to try to sneak in a Confederate flag to a NASCAR race. - Oh God. - To see him drink an espresso martini like that was crazy. - I bet there are people who bring espresso martinis to NASCAR races. I think it takes all kinds there. - Oh man. Street fighting man to start side two. - This is a great, this is a great, they play this one all the time in concert too.

[82:00]- Matt told me they played this at, at US Bank. I did not hear this one, but I mean, this is the song of the album. I know the opener with Sympathy for the Devil, that's the big famous song, but this is the most exciting song of the album, isn't it? - There's a reason for that, Russell. - Why is that? - This song only got up to 48 because when it was released, it's about protests that Mick Jagger saw in London. It was released the week of the Democratic National Convention in Chicago. So a ton of radio stations wouldn't play it because they didn't want people thinking

[82:30]that they were encouraging rioting in the streets. So it never took off. It had undersold compared to all the other Stone singles. ♪ Just go play for ♪ - I was going to, if I would have done a list, I would have done best songs to inspire Aaron's son in his mixed martial arts career. We would have started with Street Fighting Man. We would have gone in some other, I don't know what else I would have done bigger, but. - A Mortal Kombat song. - Jump up, jump up, you get down. - You'd have to do the Mortal Kombat song, right? - Oh yeah, for sure. - Like that's one of the all time fighting songs.

[83:00]Like if I was in a street fight and the Mortal Kombat song came on, I would know what I'm going to win. - I mean, you'd have to play, you're the best around, right? - Yeah. - I had that one, I had a few of them, but Matt, I was looking out for you tonight. I didn't want to stay up too late 'cause Rob got us started too late. We were all on ready to go and Rob wasn't ready. I was writing on that sub bit. It's, I gotta be honest. It's really easy to make shit up when you're wearing sunglasses. It's like, it's not even me.

[83:31]- We've noticed. - We've noticed. - Does Russell look like, Russell in these sunglasses looks like a guy that comes back from the strip club and is like, I gave somebody oral. He looks like that. - What the fuck? - You know what I mean? Like we all have that friend who gave a stripper oral sex and you're like, that's not the point. - We do? - I knew guys who did that. And I was just like, that's not the point of it. - I didn't know that. - You are confused, sir. - You only know like,

[84:01]- You knew guys? - I think the three of us know everyone you know. - Yeah. - There's no one you know, we don't know. You don't think there's anyone I know that you don't know? - No. - Not who goes to strip clubs. - What about Suzanne? Do you know Suzanne? - We know her as well. - Suzanne. - Okay, maybe that might be true. - You're telling us that you're gonna go on the record that Suzanne gave strippers? - No. - Is that what you're saying? - Well, maybe, but I don't, I don't think, no. But that guy's, that happens. - Rob, we're gonna have to, - I'm always confused. - We're gonna have to reseed this.

[84:30]This is, Rob's friend, Suzanne. - Against Replacements Dude. - Yeah, against Replacements Dude. - Play a game. - Can I just, can I be really clear about this? - We gotta edit in Replacements Dude on that one. We'll just edit it in. - Okay, let's get it clean. Russell, say Replacements Dude clean so I can edit it in earlier. - On the Cinemax channel tonight, we've got Replacements Dude versus Rob's friend, Suzanne, who gave, what was it, man? - I forget. - Okay, I'll take, I'll take Suzanne.

[85:01]- No. - I just want to clarify something, okay? Dude, can you imagine he's down there and he gets all confused over about what album we're talking about, Rob? He would never, oh my God. - That would never happen. Can you imagine Russell getting too drunk on an episode? - Oh, oh. - Here's the thing. - This is our first of the night, too. - Yeah. - Oh yeah, we're all aware. Here's the thing. - Dude, you should see me when I put my S&M mask on after these sunglasses. - I think, I think the next album has like 20 songs, too. - Oh, dear God. - Just FYI.

[85:30]- Yeah, that's true. - Russell, you would put the mask on after you put the glasses on? I would put the glasses on after the mask, honestly. - What? - What if it didn't have eye holes? Then you put a good gag, put on those glasses if your leather mask didn't have eye holes, and then you put on sunglasses and you take them off and there's no eye holes. Listen, normally my dungeon master doesn't let me laugh, but in that case, I'd make an exception, okay? That'd be too funny for me. Now. - It was a substitute dungeon master, that. - Listen, there was a bit a while back, and I just want

[86:00]to clarify something. It made it sound like I have given a strip of oral sex, okay? It made it sound like I was that guy that we all knew, okay? That is, that did not happen. - Why not? - I just want to be clear about that. - Huh? - But you know guys that did, that came out, that you left the strip club and they said, - Okay. - Oh, God. - That might have been somebody on the Howard Stern show I heard talk about that in my life. That I think it was part of my life, okay? 'Cause I don't want people's wives like getting mad. Listen, Aaron, can you tell me what this next song is called? - "Prodigal Son"? - Yeah, okay.

[86:30]- I don't know how to say that word now. "Prodigal Son". - I'm not gonna tell you what I was gonna say. - It's a prodigal. - I was reading this was written by- - I love this song. - Blues legend, Robert Wilkins, but I think this is the only cover on them. I feel like every Stones album we've listened to before had multiple covers. Am I wrong on that, or? - No, I think you're right. - Up until now. Up until right here. Yeah. ♪ We're full boats and sloths ready to start ♪ - Yeah, we haven't even used the word lawsuit yet. - And then "Eggile" has a few, right? - Yeah, "Let It Bleed" has got a couple. - Yeah. ♪ We're full boats and sloths ready to start ♪

[87:01]- I love the sound here. God, this is the Rolling Stones I do love, I gotta say, is this really heavy acoustic. I mean, this album is a lot of acoustic, and you just hear Keith Richards sound so good. No, not when he's singing on this last song, but- - Yeah, this is not what I think about when I think of the Rolling Stones. This is such a- - No. - It's not my typical go-to when I think of them. - Russell, you wanna guess what song- - Rob, could you readdress me with a little more reverence? I'm wearing my sunglasses.

[87:30]Could you treat me like I deserve to be treated here? - From the 12 car. - Russell. Russell looks like a guy who I would see on Facebook telling me why I should be voting. If I, why I should be so woke. Oh, you have the woke mind virus. Russell looks like a guy who tweets out woke mind virus more than once a day. Dude, Rob, can you imagine how cool I'm gonna look next week when I'm wearing white sunglasses, where it's just like the, instead of blue, it's white? God, if you just, can I ask you a favor? Before we record next, can you wear those outside, in the day, the day that we record?

[88:01]So when you take it off, I get to see the reverse. Sunglass. Russell didn't even respond. He gave me the, mm, with the head up. Now, Russell, this song, guess who, guess who they said inspired this song? Give me a hint. - What album are we on again? - We've heard them before. - Are we on Chili Peppers yet or not? - And I'll give you a hint. You got drunk on that album. - What inspired this? - Heroin by Velvet Underground. ♪ The beat on the stage ♪ - Oh, okay, yeah, I hear that.

[88:31]♪ I know we all ♪ - Kinda a little quicker there, it's a fucking. - Next up, Factory Girl, which is kind of an Appalachian Folk type song. - What is the last Stones album we listened to? Was it Sticky Fingers, or when was, is it like in the hundreds? - I think it was Let It Bleed, right? - No, I thought Let It Bleed was like top 10. - Mm, Exile was top 10. - Yeah, Exile was top 10. - We're gonna have to get up the list. ♪ For a girl, she's wrong ♪ Second side of this album, not as good.

[89:00]Interesting, I think, but not as good as the A side. And then we have- - Sticky Fingers is 104, Russell. - It is fascinating to think about them going in to record these songs. It's like, well, what do you got, Mick? Well, like I wrote a song called Factory Girl in the style of some Alan Lomax recording that I heard. Like, it's crazy what they were doing. - It's really interesting when you read how they make songs. Keith Richards basically said he would noodle around on the guitar, and if he played something that Jagger liked, it would kind of perk up. And if not, Keith is like,

[89:30]"Okay, I'm gonna recycle that and we'll use it later." And so he had to catch like Jagger on a good day. Like, just being there when they're making some of these would be so good. - Yeah. - Now, none of the last four songs we've heard, we wouldn't know that we're listening to history. Oh my God, they're playing the Factory Girl. Said nobody. Speaking of listening to history, I've been re-watching, I have convinced The Upstairs Roommate that we should watch together. 'Cause you guys know, I come home, I don't want to watch the shows The Upstairs Roommate watches. So we got to find something to watch together. The thing I've convinced me, to watch, we've been watching recently

[90:00]and she falls asleep immediately, which means I can change the channel and put it on whatever I want. - Yes. Brilliant. - The things we've been watching, I even, I subscribed specifically for this to Disney Plus to do The Beatles, Get Back. The eight hour documentary about how they made that album. It is so good. It's so cool to watch like these people who are so brilliant come up with these amazing songs and you're just watching them kind of screw around on the guitar and on the, there it is. There's like an amazing song. - Can I tell you Russell, this, when we record the Zooms on this, it records the videos.

[90:32]- Yeah. - And I feel like the video of us coming up with the sub for the sub of the sub on the sub bit is going to be that like, let it be when they're coming up with Get Back or whatever, like it's going to be that same where people watch it like, oh my God, this is how it started. It was just a sub on the sub and people try to interrupt Rob a lot. Actually didn't let him get through the bit as fast as he wanted to, which is part of the reason why it takes so long. Sorry. No, Russell, I'm just kidding. Now, Russell, this makes me think of Matt every time

[91:00]because this is Keith Richards opening singing on this song. And I think of Matt every time because all I can picture is Matt just getting up and being like, well, time to go to the bathroom, right? - Two songs, middle of the concert, every time. - Yeah. I thought this was a good closer. Yeah, but listen to this singing. It's rough. ♪ Late dream to the hard working people ♪ - You want to guess who he's trying to rip off here? - Who's that? - Ken Stevens. - John Lennon.

[91:30]He's trying to make a working class anthem. ♪ Late dream to the hard working people ♪ - Okay. ♪ Late dream to the hard working people ♪ - Okay. I thought it was obvious, but maybe it wasn't. - Put on "You Got the Silver" by Rolling Stones quick. - "You Got the Silver." - "You Got the Silver." - Okay. - Oh, is this a, this is a bathroom break? ♪ Big bang ♪ ♪ What's in your eye ♪

[92:01]- That's the one song he had on the next album. So he gets one album. - You don't like him though, Matt? - No, I mean, 'cause he sounds like Dylan, but way worse. It'd be like me trying to sing Dylan, I guess. I don't know. Just not good. - Matt, if you were singing at like a local bar, I'd come watch you. - I like to hear somebody at the limits of their talents. It's kind of fun to hear somebody just go for it. 'Cause he's good at so much other stuff. - Aaron, if you love to hear people at the limits of their talents,

[92:30]have I got a podcast recommendation for you, okay? - In fact, it is, right? - We exceeded it, buddy. ♪ The heart of the show ♪ - I cannot, Russell in these glasses is sending me. Do I get to keep him on next week too, or not? - For sure. - You have to. It's way cooler than my cowboy hat, isn't it? - I mean, Russell, I mean, just the look. - Can you imagine if the two of them were together? Matt, I'm about to rock your world next weekend.

[93:01]- Let me just put it this way, Russell, if I was a little league baseball coach, and I saw you in the, or if I was a little league baseball ump, and I saw you in the stands, I'd be like, "Oh, fuck." - He's gonna yell at me. - You know what I mean? 'Cause I know, I just know I'm gonna get harassed by this guy. - Give him the six inches on the outside corner, you piece of shit. - Listen, we're into the popular and patented rating system. - Oh. - You sound like Russell. - I was gonna say, like, if your kid was getting bullied by Russell's kid, you'd be like,

[93:30]"All right, let's go talk, we'll talk this out." - Yeah. - And then you'd see Russell, and you'd be like, "Oh, God." - You're not gonna go fuck with the guy with the blue side glasses, huh? - He's sticking up for his kids no matter what. - No. - There's no way this guy has any sense at all. - This guy has a Blue Lives Matter phone case. You know what I mean? Like, there's a 100% chance when I check his phone case, it's got that blue line right on there. - Oh. - Aaron, don't shake your head, that's a good bit. - I mean, it's a good bit. - Here's the deal, okay? This is a patented and popular rating system, all right?

[94:00]We are saying, is this album, all right, Beggar's Banquet at 185, is it perfect right here? This started the whole thing, this is the start of a run. Side A, killer, all right? And then there's some songs in there, too, at the end. What do we think, does this belong to be at 185? If you think it does, it is rolling well-toned, okay? If you think this is going down, down, down, should be down, down, down on the list, which of course would be a lower number, all right, going down, down, down, maybe like a, I don't know, I gotta think of a machine.

[94:30]- A higher number. - A machine that could go down. No, down the list is a lower number, Aaron. I'm trying to think of a machine that could go down. - Up the list? - I mean, the depths. Yeah, I can't think of any. - What is down the list of low? - I can't think of any machine that we've talked about today that would go down. - It's what we've always said. - I'll go first, I think. - That would be rolling, that would be rolling. - That would be rolling something. Or do you think it's a rolling groan?

[95:00]Okay, that means it should not be up this high. Go ahead. - Rolling groan, this should be on the list, but I mean, again, I've got next week's album, I think it just is way more influential than this album in itself. And of course, at 2:14, we've got the Tom Petty "Wildflowers," in fact, "Wildflowers" is way better than this album as a whole. - Similar vein, too, right? So yeah, that's an apt comparison.

[95:30]- Yeah, some great songs on here, a couple, two, three great songs, but as an album, it should be in the 400s, I guess. On the list, but should be way lower. - Aaron, what do you think? Rolling well-toned, rolling boned, or rolling groan? - Matt said it best, "Street Fightin' Man," "Simply for the Devil," great songs in my opinion, but as an album, I don't think it holds up to what we're gonna hear next week, so I'm gonna give it a rolling groan. - Okay, Russell, the guy who looks like he has strong opinions on men's rights, okay?

[96:00]I'm gonna hand this Bluetooth game control over to you, and you can decide where this episode's gonna go right now. - Rob, let me tell you about youth sports for a little bit, and what I think about the coaches, and what they're doing. They can't make our kids work a little bit harder. Like, it's too hard to practice to get up at six in the morning? We can't practice at that time? It's too much work for our kids to get up and focus on their sports? - Shit, I'm gonna say this is, I'm gonna go with Aaron and Matt on this. This is rolling, this is roll--

[96:32]- Groan, rolling groan. - Groaned, yeah. It's, this is "Sympathy for the," you guys are right. This is a two-song album. I don't think, like, would you guys ever purposely put on this record or album to listen to anything? I don't think I would. - I'd play "Let It Bleed" nine times out of 10. - Yeah, I think there's, I think this is-- - I'd play "Sticky Fingers" if I were gonna choose one Stones album. - Yeah, I don't know, guys, the first three songs on this, they're so good. Okay, go ahead. - The Stones are like an epic band, and like, to me, you know, we've heard, I don't know, "Pulp" or whatever some of these bands are

[97:01]that you would never listen to again, so part of me thinks it's better than that. But like, I don't know, there's just not a lot on here that's all that exciting, so I'm gonna say it's "Rolling Groan." It's too high on the list. This should have replaced "Dummy's Portishead," for sure. Or "Portishead's Dummy," whichever way that went. No! "Russell." - Okay. - You, put a little more, put a little more mustard on my name when you say it, if you can. I'm wearing sunglasses tonight. - All caps when you spell his name.

[97:31]- Yeah, please. - My, my goodness. - Please, please, put a little mustard on it. - Russell looks like a guy who you know, like, puts on his Letterman's jacket at home, just every once in a while. - Just his Letterman's jacket, nothing else. - Just the Letterman's jacket. - Just the Letterman's jacket. Still fits. - I gotta close the blinds when I put it on, but. - This is the patch I got for best kisser. All right, my coach put it on. My coach is my wife. - Tell you, I'll tell you who's happy that, this is the best sex I've ever had with a coach

[98:01]since I met Hayden Fox. - I do have a coworker that married her school bus driver. - Oh, what? - Which is a hilarious story. - What? - What? - Okay, goodbye. - When you want, bye. - You're about to raise numbers all around. - You're about to raise numbers all around. - You're about to raise numbers all around. - You're about to raise numbers all around. - You're about to raise numbers all around. - You're about to raise numbers all around. - You're about to raise numbers all around. - You're about to raise numbers all around. - You're about to raise numbers all around. - You're about to raise numbers all around. - You're about to raise numbers all around. - You're about to raise numbers all around. - You're about to raise numbers all around. - You're about to raise numbers all around. - You're about to raise numbers all around. - You're about to raise numbers all around. - You're about to raise numbers all around. - You're about to raise numbers all around. - You're about to raise numbers all around.

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