Beastie Boys: Licensed to Ill (1986)

[00:00]In 2020, four friends decided to listen to every one of the greatest 500 albums as decided by Rolling Stone magazine. This resulted in a text chain that celebrated the music, excoriated the order, and led us to making this podcast. We are far from experts, so we promise to do almost no research. All opinions are our own, unless you disagree. Please sit back and enjoy. Beck did it better. We are all the way up to album 192. You know, I was thinking today, guys, 192. I was like, hey, we're almost halfway through. And then I realized that we'll be getting halfway through at the end of next school year.

[00:30]And I was like, wow, I don't think about that anymore. And from 1986, it's the album that I know made me say, mom, you're just jealous. Okay? It's the Beastie Boys. And I can tell you, that is a top three thing of things moms don't want to hear. I don't want to give away my take, but how is it? We're like five years into this thing, and we're just now hearing this album. This is insanity. Can I tell you the number one thing? Moms don't like to hear? Mom, I found your toy microphone. Moms hate that.

[01:02]What? All right, never mind. Apparently, everybody's marriage is doing better than mine. Moms do karaoke at their bedside table. All right, let's turn on the radio. Let's get right into it today. Let's see what's going on the radio. And you would think I would be, 292, you think I'd be able to transition to my parody song? With no trouble. Oh, no. One, 92. 292 is three years from now.

[01:30]Oh, Herod with the bath. How about it hot? Well, there's no way I'll be alive then. So here we go, and enjoy this song. Maybe only two. Actually, two years from now. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Rob Airlines. Just a reminder, to use the seatbelt, you need to click it. Oh! What's up, everybody? Welcome to KROB, K-R-O-B. The only radio station that's played on. Rob. The airline. Sit back and enjoy your seat. Oh, yeah.

[02:00]Watching movies on the plane and the captain interrupts. But Russell doesn't care. He has the arm rest up. Yeah, yeah. Then a lady comes up to him while he's sitting in his chair. She said, excuse me, sir, but I want to sit there. I'm Russell's flight. He had to fight for his I'll see.

[02:35]He said, this is my seat, and you're never going to have it. And he went back to taking pictures of Jessica Rabbit. Yeah. Then he said, wait. I can make some space. Why don't I lie down in the aisle and you can sit on my face?

[03:05]Russell was right on his flight. He had the I'll see. As soon as it said, I can make some space, Aaron started rubbing off his face as if he was clearing a spot for someone to sit. I was supposed to sit. I mean, I know. He goes. He goes so well. Russell, I had some flight-related issues this weekend, and I thought of you because

[03:35]I was like, if somebody asked me to move out of this aisle seat, I would be absolutely furious and a coward. I would never say no. Can I share a quick? I was also on a flight this last weekend, and we were getting on the flight. The upstairs roommate and I, we flew to Cleveland, the tropical paradise known as Cleveland, Ohio. Did you know I used to be? I used to. That used to be. I had a geology collection out there. You'll never guess what I called it. What's that?

[04:00]Cleveland rocks. All the little chicks with the crimson lips. So we're in the flight, and I'm sitting in the back, and I go, I got on the plane. Upstairs roommate had to run to the bathroom. I'm letting, she's going to do her thing. So I get on the plane. I'm sitting in my seat. Upstairs roommate. All these people are getting on the plane. Upstairs roommate comes walking towards the back of the plane. She goes. She goes, they've got me in 16B. There's no way I would have ever booked a middle seat.

[04:30]They fucked up on my seat. Not happy about the seat she was given. Russell holds the magazine higher up to block his whole face. Hold on. I didn't have my, I didn't have my earphone. What did she say? I missed that. What's going on? I just wanted you to do the impression again. That's such a good impression. I thought it was respectful. Absolutely. Let's try that again. I've met her. That's exactly what she sounds like. Hold on. Hold on. Let me go. I did not book 16B. There's no way I booked this seat. They fucked up.

[05:00]I didn't book my seat the right way. I never booked the seat I did. Who do these fuckers think they are? There's no way I would have done that shit. Don't they know who I am? Russell, they fucked up my seat, Russell. Go deal with it. So at this point, I just put in my headphones and turned my music up even louder. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not getting involved in this, right? Tell his neighbor. I don't even know that lady. Who is this lady? Look at this one over here. Russell's looking over both shoulders.

[05:30]Jeez. Rob, you guys will all understand this immediately. My name is Jimmy. I don't know what this guy is. Aaron might throw, maybe Aaron would say something if he didn't have his correct seat. I would never. I would just deal with it and be pissed. Yeah. So anyways, instead of walking back up to 16B, the upstairs roommate decides, nope, I'm taking the window seat in this row instead. I'm taking... Oh, no. So she's done. She's taken like 27A instead of 16B. What? We started talking about like body part stuff, but I can't listen anymore.

[06:05]I can't listen anymore. This is where I have to turn it off. With somebody taking a seat, I got to get... This is where I cut out. I can't listen to this anymore. I am like one of those fundraising thermometers. I don't know why I didn't just say a regular thermometer. When I think of a thermometer, I think of a fundraising one. It works. Who works at a rich school? It's been around for 480. That thermometer you brought to Vegas was pretty interesting. And the way you and Dauber handled it, I could...

[06:30]It's also my microphone. It's more accurate that way. The thing is, if she sat there, you just know that is somebody's seat. There's a 100% chance that somebody's going to come up and now they're going to have a conversation and the stress would rise and rise and rise. Russell, how did you deal with this? I was going to say you probably ought to just go sit in the seat. But at one point, I realized that's not going to do me. The upstairs roommate or anyone else on this flight, any good. If I leave a comment in the comment section here, right?

[07:01]So can I summarize real quick, Russell? Yes. You're a coward. Okay. You didn't want to deal with it. Trust me. I was there this weekend. Also on a plane. I totally understand. So anyways, we sit down and they come back. Yep. Shoot out of the seat and back up to 16B. The upstairs roommate went. So get on the flight. Eventually, we made it through the flight. There was not too much complaining about it afterwards because we got to watch the Timberwolves

[07:30]whoop the nuggets on a flight tonight. Yeah. Watching live sports of a game that matters makes it makes the flight go so much faster. But I figured the upstairs roommate was over it. So I did bring it up after we got off the plane. And I will say she was not over that and explained. I would never, ever have booked a middle seat. Wow. Russell, why would you say like, oh, are you? Are you over this? Like, I can tell you what the answer is. No, I figured if the Timberwolves won, everyone would be happy. I was wrong.

[08:00]How does the family dynamic work here? Russell, who's buying the tickets is like one through work and one through something else. Or, you know, like who does she buy her own ticket? Did you fuck this up, Russell, or not? Well, it was my choice to go to Cleveland. So she bought her ticket. But I, I, I Venmo'd. I sent a Venmo for it. Now, hang on. Was this like what it means? You're like, was it like you're going? I'm going to Cleveland for work. And she came along. Or this was like, she was like, hey, Russell, we haven't gone on a vacation for a while. I want you to take me somewhere.

[08:30]I haven't had a vacation in 10 days. And you're like, okay, I'm taking you to Cleveland. Like, what happened? Well, let's just say. Russell, I've been sitting around the apartment all day. No vacation for me. Take me on a vacation. That's the impression that you did, Russell. I want to remind you. I am not giving the impression of anyone. I want to go to a coast. Russell says, all right, fuck. Yeah, fuck you. That can get to the ocean. That's considered a coast. Guys, I think we can all agree, though. That's the spookiest lake. No.

[09:00]I want to go to the house from the Christmas story. And I want to see it now. Like that? Yeah, I mean, that seems accurate. We went to Cleveland because I'm trying to see all of the baseball stadiums. And I've never been to Cleveland. So I just threw it out to there to the upstairs roommate. I'm going to Cleveland this weekend. Yeah. You want to come with? That would be awesome. Russell's trying to get a shirt with their old mascot on it. Wait, so at that point, she's like, up until that point, she didn't know you're going to Cleveland? No, it wasn't like a day before. It was like a two-month-before thing.

[09:32]Oh, okay. Okay. It wasn't like Wednesday where you're like, hey, actually, I'm going to be in Cleveland. No, it was a planned trip. Twins. The twins are playing, right? Is that true? Twins are playing. Yeah, so you went and saw the twins. When did that stadium stop being called the Jake? Is it still the same stadium? It's called Progressive now. Well, I know, but it was the Jake, right? Or is it a different stadium altogether? It's Jacobs Field. It was Jacobs Field. Probably when Jake the Snake got caught doing that cocaine with the two girls.

[10:00]I guess that's when it was. Brother, I'll just remind you, Jake the Snake, one of the best interviews ever. He goes, brother, you're on the road wrestling, and pretty soon you're having sex with one woman, two women, and then you're just making them have sex with each other. You're just watching. It's like, yeah, and? I don't know. Like, what? This is probably going to convince me not to do cocaine. When's the downfall part? Yeah. I'm buying coke right now. In the wrestling world, I believe they called those women rats, ring rats.

[10:30]Oh, ring rats. Those women's? But I was wondering, Rob, if you were one of the rats and you went home with Jake the Snake Roberts, and he's got the bag, and Damien's in the corner going around in that bag, would that freak you out, or would that be part of your turn on? That would definitely be part of the turn on. I think if you're a woman and you get stuck going home with Jake the Snake, you're just like, this is tough. This is a tough job being a ring rat. Like, I could be going home with Buff Bagwell right now. Brutus the Barber Beefcake?

[11:00]Yeah. Somebody whose literal name is Beefcake. Okay. We really should be doing that. We should be doing a draft right now. Like, who went number one in the draft? Yes, we may have, like, at least two to three more wrestling references coming up, so we may want to move it along. You're going home with Dink? You're like, I go out of home with Dink? Great. This clown wrestler takes me back to his hotel, and his flowers. Or squirts right in my eye. Oh. I mean, it's your eye. You're probably lucky. And then he made me clap while he went to the bathroom, so I didn't steal anything.

[11:34]Oh, my God. That's a tip for all the guys out there. Make them clap. Then you know they're not going through your stuff. Anyway, listen, we're talking about the Beastie Boys. How did you ever have to figure that out? We're talking about the Beastie Boys Licensed to Ill, as I found when I was searching for this album. It's not Licensed to Ill. And this is... I got to say... I got to say, the Beastie Boys, you know, that's a better name than the group I had when I was in high school. I was part of the Creepy Boys. We love to creep around and stare at people through the windows.

[12:03]All right. I've got four guys here who are wondering if we should start smoking dust. This album makes it sound fun. Okay? I've got Matt up in North Dakota. Matt, how are you doing? Good. Since I am up in North Dakota, I'm wheeling, I'm dealing, I'm drinking, not thinking. Thanks for having me. I've got Russell, currently in Minneapolis. Russell, how are you doing? Let me clear my throat. Kick it over here, main host Rob, and let the dumb shit listeners feel our download

[12:30]numbers. That's a joke, but it's also not funny to me. Aaron, I also just had to clarify tonight, I am Russell J, and I've got all the fly juice. Yes, Russell J got the fly juice. Can you imagine something that's harder to milk than a fly? They're so small. Yeah, what'd you get me? It's not a lot of juice. It's not a lot of juice there. They're tiny little nipples. I've got Aaron out in California. Now, Aaron, Aaron recently said that he read a study, he was curious about the study.

[13:04]He said, it turns out that bearded men cheat more on their spouses than bearded women. Aaron, how are you doing? It's the new, let's talk about the Beastie Boys, Lessons to Ill. Let's go to the voicemail. I just want to say. I'm so stupid. You can kiss my ass. Oh, I forgot about the second part. They're just the dumbest of the dumb. God, the listeners are dumb shits. Just the dumbest of the dumb.

[13:30]Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb shit listeners. Why would you not want to listen to this show? Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb shit listeners. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb shit listeners. Yeah. All right, let's get right into the voicemail. Hi there, it's Charm. Well, first of all, I just want to say thank you for being considered for the potential job opening alongside Rob. I'm glad you guys, I'm hoping you guys are past that dark time for all of our sakes. Okay, do you hear what she's saying, guys? No.

[14:00]She hopes you guys have gotten over this shit. No. She said she's hoping we're past that dark time. She acknowledges that you fucked us, Rob. No, it is your fault. I actually am doing a reversal. This is now your fault. You've overblown it. Everybody thought it was fun, except for you guys, okay? And Charm is saying that that was no good. All right. Is Charm going to tell us how to spell her name? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. I can tell you right now in this voicemail, she does not. Okay, so I'm calling because it's been quite an NBA season for y'all.

[14:31]The Timberwolves are really making a run for it, and they look great. It's been really fun to watch. Yes. Unfortunately, well, fortunately for me, I guess, I'm a Dallas Cavs fan. I was born and raised in Dallas. No, Russell, I got to pause this for a second, because it has now been pointed out to me that a while ago when we started this show, you said, I'm not really a sports guy anymore. And I quote, I would rather go to concerts. I don't want to go to sporting events anymore. Yet, the Wolves have been playing in three rounds of the NBA playoffs. Russell, how many of those rounds have you seen in person?

[15:02]I've been to one game in each of the three rounds. Jesus. But the Wolves, but Aaron knows this, the Wolves have always been my team. I've always cared, even when they've been terrible. Like, I get into the Vikings, I get into the Twins, but the Wolves are the ones that have, I've been the guy that, like, in those lean years, I have some friends that always talk about this. There was a game on the WB once where the Wolves lost and Martel Webster just, like, didn't shoot the ball at the end of the game. And they missed it because of a commercial.

[15:32]Like, they forgot to come back to the game before the commercial was over. And I remember texting my buddies and then realizing, like, there's no one watching this shit. Like, no one's complaining on Twitter. Nobody gives a shit because no one, it's just me. It's just me. I watched the Terrell Brandon Wolves with Russell in, what, in 2000? Didn't they play the Mavs in the playoffs in 2000 against Dirk? Yep, swept. Dirk didn't beat us one year, yeah. Yep, I watched those with Russell and Rand Hall. Like, we've been watching the Wolves together for a long time.

[16:01]Yeah, I was seeing on Twitter, everybody was showing how if you bought, at one point, if you bought two cans of corn, you also got two free Wolves tickets. And I was like, oh, I remember saying, who would ever take those tickets? It's a terrible deal. I would never. I'd buy the cans of corn and leave the tickets on the Wolves. We split season tickets, and Aaron and I, we were with a small group with the Pleasure Principle, and I believe it would have been Nick from... Nick from... I don't know if he goes by Nick from Bloomington slash Egan, maybe. I don't know where, but... I would say Nick's Bloomington, yeah. But we went to the playoff games back in the day, Aaron and I, and Aaron and I kept the tickets for a few years.

[16:34]I don't know if I kept them after Aaron moved, but I had them, but I had games where no one would want to go with me. And I was like, I finally gave them up because I went to a heat game with Dwayne Wade before they had LeBron, and I couldn't find a friend to go. And I was like, this is sad and pathetic. I'd rather watch them at home by myself. So, Russell, let me ask you this. If the Wolves win the NBA Finals, do you think you might cry? And let me be clear. I'm a big fan of guys crying, okay?

[17:01]I think it's a sign of strength. I know for a fact if the Vikings won the Super Bowl, I would cry, okay? Do you feel like you would cry if the Wolves win the championship? I think the excitement that it could bring to fans and, like, a community could maybe get me emotional. I'm not really one to cry over, like, a sporting, like, hey, these guys... These guys are amazing at sport. That's not really who I am, but I could see why. I was listening to a podcast the other day where one of the hosts cried after they beat Denver, and I was like, this is the most pathetic thing ever.

[17:31]That's pathetic. Wait, we've already been there. I mean, I don't live there anymore, but I was a giant Wolves fan for my time. Hello. Hello. I want nothing more than these Wolves to win for you guys, but they haven't done anything yet that the KG's Wolves didn't do. You know what, though? It's not about where they end up. It's about enjoying the journey and having fun with where your team is going. Yes. And, you know, when they beat Denver, a few of my buddies, we were texting back and forth, and one of the things that I said that I think is the most important is I'm just happy I get to see more of it.

[18:04]It's fun to watch, and if it's something you're enjoying and they go on, it's not about whether they win it. Like, yeah, you don't get any more points in life because they win it. You don't get more. It's just about the journey, whether you enjoy it. You get more games with this team than you love. Yeah, that's the thing. So Aaron is right. We want them to go. We want them to go to Game 7 and lose in Game 7. That's what we're shooting for, right, Aaron? I know. We want them to win as many games as we can see. I was born and raised in Dallas, and I lived in Dallas for most of the Dirk era, so I'm a pretty loyal fan.

[18:34]And my boyfriend happens to be a T-Wolves fan, and as you know, they're playing each other now in the West. Most divided. So I was wondering if you guys had any ideas for bets we could make against each other. It's a pretty rare occurrence that our team are playing each other like this. I got some ideas right now. They're nasty. No. But I can't think of, like, good creative ideas. Oh, God, Rob.

[19:00]We don't play together. It's like pawning off household chores. She knows what she's doing here, Rob. Or up to a roommate isn't really an option. And at this point, loser buying dinner or drinks is kind of boring. So I'm looking for some creative ideas. I'm probably opening myself up for some inappropriate comments for Rob. But, you know, there's no bad ideas. We'll whittle them down. I'm just curious if you had any. I'm just curious if you had any. And, hey, may the best team win, y'all. Yeah. Charm, first of all, I want to say thank you so much for calling. You know that our mystery fans are some of our greatest.

[19:31]The things we talk about most when we get together. Second of all, it's a bummer you said opening yourself up because that was one of the ideas I had. He wrote that joke. He has been dying to deliver that one. No, no, no. I was respectful at the beginning. He's been dying to give that one. I'm not going to lie. When I got the voicemail, I kind of quickly looked at the transcription, and I thought she wanted to bet with us. Yeah, Rob misled us. Well, I have a bet with her if we want to offer her a bet.

[20:02]What's the bet that you would make with Charm? And then we're going to think of some real nasty stuff. The offer I would make to Charm from the podcast is, Wolves win, you have to tell 10 people about this podcast. Oh, Russell. And we need to see the text. Yep, I agree. I think that's a great idea. But what if we lose? If Dallas wins? If Dallas wins, Charm gets to pick an album of her choice, and we will do that album. That will be the next album that we do. We'll jump that to the top of the list.

[20:31]No matter what the album is, we'll jump it up in the list, and we'll do that episode. Any album, Charm. So that's the bet. Okay. Charm is like, 10 people. Can you imagine? Hey, listen to this podcast. Okay, what episode should I send? Oh, Etta James. Send that one. Oh, the one where we talked about twisting your nuts for most of the episode? Well, it's a basketball episode. It was twisting those balls, I believe. Technically, yeah. I got a good one. I got one. Russell's description of the episode started with, don't get it twisted, and it made me laugh so hard. I got to say, I honestly, like, if you're really going to make a bet, how about mystery tattoo bet?

[21:06]You know what I mean? Like, whoever wins. Nas Reed tattoo. She's got to get a Nas Reed tattoo. Oh, a Nas Reed tattoo would be so good. I don't know. What would you do, like, with your partner, though, if you wanted to bet on something? Like, what could you possibly bet that's not just a dinner or paying for a date or something like that? And listen. You know I'm thinking sex acts. You know, it's like, okay, finally, 60-day guy on top. The Valentine's Day special. Okay. How about, like, you get to pick, like, TV for a week.

[21:33]There's no compromise. It's your show for the week. Wow. That is a good one, Russell. No compromise, no complaint. Jenny would go ballistic. If she had to sit and watch playoff basketball with me, oh, my God, she would lose her mind. That's a fantastic bet. And if I had to sit there and watch, like, I don't know. Remember that documentary about the Romanian kids in the subway who huffed paint and died all the time? I do, because I watched that documentary with my wife. That's the kind of stuff she likes to watch.

[22:00]Okay? I could not take a week of that. That'd be terrible. Well, Rob, you were saying about, you know, watching these shows. The Upstairs Roommate has gotten really into Wolves basketball with me. It amazes me, but it's awesome. I told you. And Aaron said it, and I've repeated this to other people. When your team's having one of those seasons, you got to embrace it. Upstairs Roommate. Upstairs Roommate today, the other day, I caught her listening to a Timberwolves-themed podcast. The Upstairs Roommate is now listening to Wolves podcast.

[22:30]Wow. And I asked about it today, and she was telling me that the Target Center's got a leak in it. That's why they're always bopping up the floor. That's what she learned on the Wolves podcast. Oh, love it. But I was asking her, and she's like, I got to know what's going on. But the Upstairs Roommate's into it. She doesn't like when Rudy misses his free throws. Doesn't really like when Slow-Mo does damn near anything. Upstairs Roommate's got thoughts, but we've gotten so much into watching basketball recently, it's almost become regular that Upstairs Roommate even will check out, like, the Boston Indie Game.

[23:00]Who could we be playing in the future? Oh, she's scouting. Scouting ahead. I came back tonight. Yes. I was thrown for a loop. Uh-oh. We were back to the goddamn Masked Singer was on, and I was like, what? What happened? It's the playoffs. It's the playoffs. If she wore a Nasri jersey and you made out with her, Russell, would that be a special moment, do you think? Like, would that be fun? It's like you're making out with Nasri. She was looking online on getting a bring-your-ass jacket off of Instagram, and I was like, I don't know that that's going to get here in time, but you do what you want to do.

[23:31]Do you. There's got to be an element of public humiliation to these bets. It feels like, you know, like how, you know, NFL players are always doing bets where, like, oh, our two teams played in a bowl game, so, like, if my college team wins, you have to wear the jersey the first day, whatever. So it's like, you got to eat a whole plate of bacon nude in the kitchen. Right, exactly. So, Charmin Boyfriend, make a bet. Loser has to wear the winner's senior dance team uniform out to dinner and not say a word about it.

[24:01]So, like, that's how it works. Aaron, they did perform in the second round of the playoffs. I'm saying. That's how it works. I would say, I think the biggest dare would be I would allow her to buy her own airline tickets. I think that would be good. That would be a good thing you would do. It's a good dare. It's a good dare. It's time. I wanted to share with you. I don't know if you guys heard this part, but one of the, you know, Matt, we were talking wrestling earlier. I think it was after the game in second game against Denver where the Wolves just swarmed

[24:32]them. It was like the famous defensive game where everyone over blew how good the Wolves were. But going into halftime, TNT played the NWO Wolfpack theme song. Did you guys hear that during the game or not? No. So they played this because WCW used to be on TNT. That's right. They probably own the rights. That goes on. So they were playing this song and then people started making videos of like, you know, mashup videos of big, sexy Kevin Nash and Anthony Edwards doing like the suck it and everything.

[25:02]And so I have been listening to the NWO Wolfpack song for about a 10 day stream right now. Wow. What is your life? The bald guy who spoke in Spanish, who was part of the Wolfpack. And he would say, oh, Conan, Conan. Yeah. There you go, John. For me, Dinah. There you go. There's your wrestling talk. Fan service. Rolling, going Russell. How's it going with you? Guys, I went to Cleveland. I don't know if you've heard this.

[25:30]I went to Cleveland this last week. We never. We had no idea. That's crazy. I decided to go take a vacation to Cleveland because I needed to cross off this baseball stadium. I think it used to be called the Jake Aaron. I don't know if you know when it changed here. Not familiar. Canada. Russell, is it true that you were there for their earlier models of the mascot? Because that joke didn't get a big laugh last time. So I'm going to try it again. Went to the game. A few things. Interesting thing at the game. It was dollar, $2 beer nights, beer night on Friday. A dangerous position on a Friday.

[26:01]Oh, that's crazy. We walk in and there are lines of like three, 400 people in line to get a beer that I bet it took an hour. My question to you guys, how long are you guys standing in line to get a beer to save a couple bucks? Five minutes. Yeah. Five. Maybe. Yeah. That might be. That might be the tops. I mean, I see that. Yeah. What is it? So it's, it's $2 if you wait for an hour or it's seven or eight bucks. If you get it within 30 seconds, it's probably a two to $10 difference, right?

[26:31]Yeah. I wait 30 seconds all day. Well, they probably have the, yeah, they probably have those coolers now where you can do like self pay, right? Like just go buy one of those. Right. I would probably get in line and then tell everybody like they should just open up more of these $2 beer stands. Like they would sell a lot more $2 beer if they opened more stands and just say it to everybody over and over and over. I think that people would love that. Why do you think they're not doing it? Don't you think they would do it? Hey, I've got a great idea. You're just talking to the person ahead of you and you just see them leave, leave, leave. Then you're up in the front.

[27:00]You're like, yes, brilliant. My biggest pet peeve at, at stadiums and it doesn't relate to the $2 beer is any line for food or beverage at a, why would you ever make anyone wait to pay you like $15 for a beer? Like you should never, you shouldn't be just running people through those. But one of the food items I got, I had to show you guys this, I heard a hot dog at one of the stands and they go, we're open. We're almost out of the dollar dogs. And I was like, I don't just give me whatever, you know, whatever hot dog. They're like, well, we have a couple of dollar ones. I'm like, that's fine. They give them to me. The most disgusting looking hot dog I've ever seen.

[27:33]I want to share with you guys. Let's see. Let's describe this hot dog. That looks like a dollar dog. It is a very thin hot dog, but yet somehow the bun is also very thin. Like everything's thin. And then the, the, the hot dog is Aaron put it best. It is. It is grayish. It is the most unappetizing color I've ever seen. I mean, if somebody said, if I, if you flash that on your phone real quick, Russell, I would think that was a junk pick from me to you.

[28:01]You know what I mean? Like it's gray and thin and nobody likes it. It's like, ah, you know what I did though with the rub? What? I ate that shit. I ate it. Yeah. Of course. So the game was fun. Another, another thing we did, we went and saw, this was my idea, not the upstairs roommate. I wanted to go see the house. I wanted to go see the house from the Christmas story. It's right outside of Cleveland. They do tours of the house. They've got a museum. They've got a, uh, how far outside is right outside. I hate that movie.

[28:30]10 minute Uber drive from downtown. Oh, okay. All right. Okay. So boring. Oh, I've actually never seen it. Oh, this is a bitches pompous. This is the Rob Ferris Bueller thing. This is where people are funnier than Rob and he doesn't like, I just don't get it. It makes no sense to me. Everybody's like, watch this movie. And then I'm like, oh my God, that was a boring. It's the most boring thing. It's the most boring thing. Did they have the original leg lamp in this, on this tour? They did not have the original leg lamp on the tour. It is somewhere else, but they have there. It turns out there were six red rider BB guns.

[29:01]They had one of the six, a red rider, but they do have like lamps in the spot and they have them where you can hold up a replica. I held one up kind of smooshed with it, made it a little inappropriate, but it was, it was actually fun, but that you don't need like an, a 45 minute tour on the house. You could do it. You could do it in five minutes. 45 minutes. That was my point. The tour was 45 minutes long. Just to give you guys an idea. We've been recording for 48 minutes right now.

[29:30]This whole time you're talking about a Christmas story. Now, Russell, what would they say if I went in and I told him right away, I don't like this movie. Do you think that would affect the tour? Would it affect the speed of the tour? It did get a little hot outside, Rob, and I was starting to get a little sweaty. So most of the time in the tour in the museum, I just found wherever the air conditioning was blasting the highest and stood there. I think the upstairs roommate kept thinking I was fighting like something interesting to look at. No one was saying it wasn't. I was just standing by the vent. Yeah.

[30:00]I can totally relate to that. The other thing I needed to share with you guys is I did. Oh, the guy who runs the, who owns the house and the museum next to it and everything bought it online, bought it on eBay, like in, in like the nineties, bought it on eBay. The whole house? The whole house. Somebody just listed the house on eBay. Yeah. Yes. And he bought it. He bought it and then realized it wasn't what he thought it was. And then kind of refurbished everything. You know, eBay is how I'm currently buying all my shoes. I'm buying all my shoes used on eBay.

[30:32]They are cheap and they are okay because they seem to be in different widths every time I buy them. It's a bit strange. You're buying, wait, you're buying used shoes? Yeah. Someone else's feet have been in those shoes. I don't even know how. Bro, you save so much money. It's like a car. You walk those things off the lot. There's so many other good ways to save money. Like you can save money in so many ways. There's so many other ways. Like what? Now it makes more sense when Rob is stealing people's Yeti coolers or whatever. They're like brand new. I look at the picture and they're like new.

[31:00]I don't know if anybody wore them. If they did, it wasn't much. Now it's true. There's no paper in it, which is my number one sign that somebody wore it. If there's not paper in it. Yeah, somebody wore the shoes. It didn't even occur to me that somebody else would wear them. I didn't even think of that. I was just like, these are cheap shoes. These are so good. What are you thinking? That's kind of gross. Someone has definitely worn those shoes. I don't think so. Go on. Look at eBay shoes. There's all these shoes that seem unworn to me. Okay. Aaron's purple legs are all shoes well worn. There was some well worn stuff in Cleveland too.

[31:31]It was also probably my highlight of the trip. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Wow. Have you guys been to the Hall of Fame before? No, I've never been to Cleveland. I 100% have, but I had, I think a five-year-old with me who did not appreciate the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and we had to cruise through it and find some ice cream. So Russell. What did you think of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame was fantastic. You spent about two hours there, but there's, it was not a guided tour. You just went and kind of go at your own speed. So it was really fun.

[32:00]But I was going to share some of my favorite things for you guys by giving you gifts. Each of you are going to get some gifts of the things I saw that I thought you would each enjoy. Is that sound like a good idea? Yes. Where the Matt, Matt gets the first gift, the things that I thought Matt would enjoy the most. They have all the Hall of Fame plaques up top where it's essentially got the name of each band. Remember the band and the year they were inducted with all the other bands from that year, Pearl Jam, Matt, their plaque was up there and right next to it. They had a video of the induction ceremony for Pearl Jam.

[32:32]So I was thinking of you when I saw that. I thought you would enjoy it. Wonderful. Yep. I've seen, I saw it live when they had it. It was on, on max. I watched it. They also had Matt and I think I sent you this one. There was a poster of Pearl Jam when they toured with Neil Young. I was like, those are two of Matt's favorites. He's got to love this. Yep. That'd be pretty sweet. Matt's a Rolling Stones guy. I saw Brian Jones, Dulcimer and the Rolling Stones, Melatron. I thought you would like that. And then the last thing I got for Matt is his last gift. It's one of his all-time favorites.

[33:00]Flava Flav. Flava Flav's jacket and clock were there. I checked the floor. There was no shit on the floor or anything, but Matt, I figured I'd get you Flava Flav's jacket and clock. That'd be wonderful. Tell me if this is weird or, but I think this would be a good idea at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. You get various musicians, Steven Tyler. Uh, Mick Jagger. Okay. And they make like a, a latex mold of their mouth. And then you can stick your finger in their mouth and see what the inside of their mouth

[33:31]feels like. Cause that's kind of what they're famous for, right? Is like their voice and singing. So I, listen, I see the guitars. I see the drums. How am I going to see James Taylor? If I could put my finger and feel what the inside of his mouth feels like, I feel like that would be a really fun museum experience. It's like a fleshlight, but a mouth. Oh, Russell, no, it feels like you could, yeah, that's gotta exist. What, what are you talking about? I think, I mean, Rob, there's no choice now, but to Google Steven Tyler fleshlight and

[34:02]just see what guys saying that to me, my phone is listening at all times. I don't know why we wouldn't just look it up and see like, Oh, like we'll do a hot sauce on feed, but we won't look up Steven Tyler fleshlight. Okay. I don't want to say this right now. Okay. Cause I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the singer's mouths that you could feel the inside of, but I just want to tell you right now, I have always, and will always, I have always, and will always, will always have a very anti male masturbating device stance. What? Okay. I don't think they should exist. I think they're wrong.

[34:30]I think I, nope, they're no good. All of them. Like when I see fleshlights, I'm like, I don't think they should, I think they should be illegal. What, what happened to you when, when you were younger with a fleshlight, Rob? You just don't, what happened? Yeah. Let's really unpack it. It's not your fault. You want to hear what it really was? I got one once from my wife. She got me. She's like, oh, I think you'd like that. And this is not a lie. It was, it was, first of all, it's gross. Cause of course I just put it in my bedside drawer. So it's like all like dirty.

[35:00]It's like that. Remember when I pulled that gummies out of my pocket? It's got like lint all over it. Yeah. It's got lint all over it. I'm like, I don't really like to involve lint when I'm jerking it, but okay. I'll try it. It's not like when I see the dryer, I'm like, yeah, Rob's got to like take a piece of masking towel. Tape on it to try to get like the lint off of it before he uses it. What is lint? Is lint is just something that exists. I have no idea what it's from.

[35:30]I have, I look and I'm like, where, what is this? It's just dust that's on my clothes. I know my clothes are not that dusty. Where is lint? What is it from? It seems like it's a big conspiracy to me. A second of all, my jerk off device, back to my jerk off device. And I'm not lying right now. I'm a big apparatus guy. I just want to be clear. I never successfully used it because you can imagine. Me cleaning it. Oh yeah. I'd love. Oh, this is the sleepiest I've been all week. I'm going to get up and clean this thing. Yeah, right. That is such a joke.

[36:00]And this is not a lie. What it done. I swear to you. It was too. The girth was too narrow for me. So it never was quite right. That is not a joke. Okay. So I'm just going to tell you right now, those should not exist. What I am proposing. Okay. Russell, pick a. Pick a famous singer. Sheryl Crow. No, male. Let's not be weird. No, you didn't. God, you said Sheryl Crow so fast. God damn.

[36:30]You know what? I'm going to go with your Sheryl Crow and I'm going to say Kid Rock. You get Kid Rock's mouth and you could put your finger in there and feel what the inside feels like. Why would you know? You think Kid Rock smells like cigarettes or not? This guy's got a crown. This is a mouth that came up with Bah Weedy Bah and you don't want to just roam your finger around there and see what it feels like inside. Rob, do you think it smells like cigarettes or not? Oh yeah, you make it smell like, you make it smell like Bud Light. Rob, you take your earphones off so I can talk to you guys for a second. Okay. Yeah, let's hear it.

[37:00]Is this, I mean, is this guy, is this legitimately, is something going on with Rob? Is this the end of the end for Rob? This is peak Rob. We might have reached peak Rob. Fitting fingers in singer's mouths? Yeah, I don't know. We need to be worried about it? I'm not sure that we can go anywhere. We better watch out the rest of the, we better watch through the rest of the episode. We've gone as far as we can go here. We're at the end. Rob, come on back. Okay, now I was able to read lips. I'm just going to tell you. I'm not wanting to put fingers in their mouths. I'm wanting this to exist at the museum. Yeah. Okay. It's not their real mouth. It's a replica. Aaron, you wouldn't put your finger in a singer's mouth if that was an exhibit at the museum.

[37:31]Would you do it, Aaron? No. Why would I do that? There's gotta be other stuff. You idiot. It's more interesting. Russell, would you do it? Uh, are they top 40, 40 singers of all time? Yeah. If they're above Etta James on the list, probably yes. All right. What do you think, Matt? Absolutely not. This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life. You're dumb. Guys. I just want to show you this picture of Joe Cocker. You gotta find out what his mouth feels like. Look at a picture of Joe Cocker. That thing's going to be messed up in there. You know what? There's no way though. Like if you walk up, like you're up, you go up to the top of the pyramid and there's just

[38:02]this wall of like 45 replica mouths and like people are like going up. Like there's no way Matt just walks by and is like, I'm not going to put my finger in any of them. I would not. How dirty would it be in there? Eddie Vedder's mouth. Okay. No, they got little spray things. They clean them. They clean it. There. Oh, excuse me, sir. I'll put a little on your finger. It's like everybody. Everybody washes their hands after going to the bathroom. Right? Yeah. Yeah. They would require it. It would be like a sign that says you are required to wash your hands after putting

[38:32]your finger in the replica mouth. Guys. I mean. Look at that Joe Cocker mouth. Look at the album cover of Joe Cocker. You can see what his mouth looks like. I'm just going to air and I have two words for you that will change your mind. Prince mouth. No. You're not putting your finger in Prince's mouth. Why would I do? He wouldn't want to have my finger in his mouth. I'm not going to do that. All right. That was my impression of Prince with a finger in his mouth. One more time, Rob. Earphones up. Oh, I did.

[39:00]Is this? Is this is why the downloads are going down, guys. I think we need to rally this up and get it back. Get it back up. All right. Matt. So those were your gifts. I didn't get you a replica mouth, but I Aaron, I got you some gifts as well. I thought I could share you. You're looking for me. Yeah. Thank you. First. I saw Curtis blows jacket. I know he had a heart transplant or something. He had a heart transplant. That's right. But Curtis blows jacket. Basketball is my favorite sports. Like when they dribble up and down the court. Yes. I also got you Aaron. I saw John Lennon's glasses.

[39:31]The only problem with these glasses, Aaron, is it made me think of what Aaron was probably doing during out of school lunch when he was in high school wearing and I couldn't see anything else. That was Rob. That wasn't me. That was Rob. Oh, oh. Oh, I thought that was you. I told my wife that story. She did not think it was a funny story like you guys did. You guys were way better audience for that story. I also, Aaron is a music history guy. I didn't really know why they do the whole Cleveland rocks thing. They had old Cleveland set up and even coming out of it.

[40:00]I don't really know the whole why they call it Cleveland rocks. Are there any great rock and roll bands from Cleveland? Was there any local flavor? The two that I had recognized, I think Devo, if I might, I could be wrong, but they had showed Devo in that exhibit. And then they also. Every singer you're saying, I'm just thinking about exploring. Well, Rob, this guy would probably make it because they had his cage. It was Screamin' Jay Hawkins. You guys remember him? Oh, he was from Cleveland? I think he was from Cleveland. I wanna scream on you. Yes. Oh, okay. All right. Aaron, I also got you the Biggie Smalls Big Red Jacket.

[40:32]I believe he wore it in the Players Anthem video. I couldn't be wrong about that. Oh, there we go. Yes. But all I could think about is if that thing was laying on the floor when you came back and you're Anthony Basin and those are the clothes on the floor, what are you thinking? Kicking the door. We've been the four-four. I got a story to tell. Again, though, you would have to feel good if your wife cheated on somebody that looked just like your body type. You know what I mean? That would at least be respectful. Russell, Cleveland Rocks is a rock song by Ian Hunter from his 1979 album, You're Never

[41:04]Alone with a Schizophrenic. Oh, that's good. Who is it? What about Bob? Roses are red. Violets are blue. I'm a schizophrenic and so am I. So am I. The song is seen as a de facto anthem in Cleveland, Ohio. The song was played every Friday at 5:00 PM. On Cleveland radio station, WMMS beginning in 1979 and used as a victory song for all the city sports teams. Nice. Jesus Christ.

[41:30]Oh, I like this because I love the Presidents of the United States of America. You guys know, I think they're one of the best bands, but this is good. You know who also loved the Presidents, or we'll wait until this is done. Oh, go ahead, Russell. I was going to say the last gift I was going to give to Aaron, there were two, one was, Ringo Starr's drumsticks are in there. I know Aaron thinks he's a shit drummer. Turns out his drumsticks made the Hall of Fame. You know, I've come around to Ringo a bit. He did his job. You got to get, hey, Aaron, can I just say, you got to get on Ringo TikTok.

[42:03]There's a subset of TikTok that just talks about how good Ringo is and gives you examples. It's fascinating. I'll send you some on our wholesome text chain. There was also a very famous Sheryl Crow shirt in the Hall of Fame. I believe she was inducted this year, but they had one of her shirts, but one of the words had faded. The shirt actually said, I believe in your war, Mr. Bush. That was the shirt I was going to get you, Aaron. I believe in your war, Mr. Bush. What? Those were real shirts?

[42:30]The shirt actually said, I don't believe in your war, Mr. Bush, but it faded on you, Aaron. I remember when, oh, sorry, I turned it down during the Cleveland Rocks party. My classic move. I remember, Russell, when Sheryl Crow was going around telling us about yellow cake uranium and how it was over there, we need to get over there right away. That was a very strange message. So those were your gifts. Yes, Aaron. I thought about you when I was at the Hall of Fame. And then Rob, I had to get you some gifts as well, too. Excuse me. Just wait a second. I'm going to do a Sheryl Crow in favor of the Iraqi war.

[43:00]All I want to do is make you some uranium. I put it in scuds and shoot at them. Guys, I should have given you a heads up so you could have prepared that joke a little better, like you paired the open one for charm. No, no, no. I nailed it. All right, Rob, I saw some gifts that I had to get for you. The first you were talking about shoes or feet or something earlier, your shoes. Well, you could have picked up a shoes because they had a pair of boots from Sid Vicious.

[43:33]I don't know if it was big Sid Vicious or little Sid Vicious, but let me put on my knucks. This is my Sid Vicious, okay? I'm going to give the Hall of Fame one of the most famous things we have in the old closet. It's me boots. Oh, your boots? Thanks a lot, Sid Vicious. No problem. That's me, Sid Vicious. Sid, are those new or used boots that you got on eBay? You'd be amazed how much boots lose their value as soon as they're sold.

[44:02]So I advise I'd use boots, okay? As long as the shoelaces are fresh, you know they haven't been worn that much. Mate. If you have new boots or used boots, you also need a shirt and jacket to go with it. Rob, I got you Buddy Holly shirt and jacket. Wow. I don't know if it's the shirt and jacket he was wearing when he got engaged in 30 Minutes because he wanted to get laid, but what do you think? My only question is, did they clear it of that piece of skull that one of our listeners found?

[44:30]Is that going to be on the shirt too, or is that off of there? I didn't see that in the museum. I did see a different jacket in the museum if the Buddy Holly one doesn't fit you right, though. I've never heard of this guy, but it was the coolest name I've seen. It was a big flamboyant jacket, and it was called Handsome Dick Manitoba. Have you guys ever heard of Handsome Dick Manitoba? Dick Manitoba? That was my nickname junior year. I was trying to figure out the nickname joke. You just have to say that was my nickname junior year.

[45:00]There's not that much to the joke. Some other jackets that Rob might have jacked it to his junior year. Salt-N-Pepa's jacket. Salt-N-Pepa, Rob. Rob's last gift, and then we'll move it on. Rob, we had one last gift for you. It was in the Chuck Berry display. It was Chuck Berry's hotel room key. What would he have needed a hotel room key for? Did they really have it? Did they have a Chuck Berry hotel room key? They absolutely did. They have to know that he's not great, right? Can you imagine, by the way, he drops off the key at the front desk, and you're like,

[45:33]oh, thanks so much. And then you go up to the room, and it's apparent that he's been pooping on people and filming it. And you're like, oh, I touched that key with my bare hands. I wish I wouldn't have done that. You know what I mean? There's just unplugged red, white, and yellow cords. Well, I'm going to unplug the cords. I might roll and go in here. Matt, roll and go in. How's it going with you? That reminds me, by the way, I had a tripod for lifting weights and filming myself. I wasn't bringing it to the weight room yet, so I was storing it in my room. And the person who cleans her house had a lot of questions for me about why there was a tripod in my room.

[46:03]I've met her. She had no questions. She knew exactly why you guys had a tripod in your room. Rubber sheets. Looking deep into your asshole. I've got so many things on my list. I'm just going to. I'm just going to. Dump. I'm going to do a dump of my list so I can move on to new things. It's been a while since we recorded. I got a joke for Rob. Please. Why do girls rub their eyes when they wake up?

[46:32]Why is that? Because they don't have any balls to scratch. I thought that was a good joke. And you're criticizing me for my figuring your mouth a bit? That's a good joke. It's like borderline clean, but also pretty funny. My kid told me to shut up. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah. Oldest or the youngest? The oldest one. We were playing Mario. We were playing Mario Kart. Oh, well, that's fair. I forget what. Well, something was going on.

[47:01]He's always got to be first. Something. And he said, shut up. I said, OK, I guess we're done. So I had that. And then you hit him with a blue shell and you cruise to first place. Oh, he's so much better. He's so much better than I am. So put on Change by Blind Melon. Oh, my God. That's the song. This is one of the best songs of all time. Wow. Was it like an angry shut up, Matt? It was like a joking shut up. It was an angry shut up. And that's where I was like, well, you don't get to talk to me. You weren't talking about like fake mouths from the Music Hall of Fame or anything, were

[47:31]you? Because it might have been warranted. Can I tell you once I was playing VR shooting game with some 12 year old and this was two years ago. I just want to be clear. This is two years ago. And I could hear his mom in the background. And I say, hey, tell your mom to shut up. And the mom could hear me. She could hear me through his speakers because he was doing it on the TV. So everybody could hear it. And the mom goes, what? And I go, you heard me, lady. Shut up. We're trying to play a game over here. I go, mom's be yelling.

[48:00]You guys know what I mean? These moms need to shut up. And she was so mad. And she's like, turn off the game. And the kid's like, what? And I was like, hey, lady, shut up. I'm trying to play. It's so good. You're like, I'm a teacher. Just taking out all my parent rage on this one person. Matt, I got to tell you, this is my all time favorite. This is my most played CD ever. Blind Melon. Love it. Oh, this song is so good. This is their best song ever. Go ahead. I was, my kids getting into these Pokemon matches,

[48:32]like the actual where you go and play cards at like a card shop. Yeah. And so I got to drop them off for like three hours. And I was waiting to pick them up. And I went over to Axeman. Have you guys ever been to an Axeman? No. It's just basically like a junk shop where they just sell like things. But anyway, so I'm walking around and they're playing Beck. Beck album playing. So I walked, you know, as I walked by, I go, is this, you guys playing Beck? And the guy was like, yep. Didn't want to talk. And I was this close to saying, you know, I've got a podcast called Beck Did It Better.

[49:00]But then I thought, I thought better about it and I didn't do it. But I came this close, guys. I came this close. There's an easy way to twist it. You got to just say, I know about a podcast called Beck Did It Better. Wow. Or here's my idea. We get business cards and we hand them out to people. We say, hey, this is the podcast. Hey, oh, that's a great idea. Great idea. My wife has a regular golf game and I don't. Oh, good for her. Jealous about that. Her and a few listeners.

[49:30]They play about once every two weeks. I don't know. They kind of try to fit it in their schedule, which is good. But she deserves it. It's good. It's good for them. They do like weeknights go out for twilight raids or can they? Yeah, they try to go play like a nine hole par three if they can on the Thursday and go out for dinner afterwards, something like that. Who's the best? Who's the best golfer in the group? I think Sarah hits at the straightest. Yeah, I think Aaron from Minneapolis hits at the most wonky. I think she's always trying to find her ball. And then there's Megan, who is related to Ben from Minneapolis.

[50:04]Ben and Megan. Ben Ben's an avid listener these days. I think she's right in the middle. A little bit. Yeah. And have they all golfed for a while or is this something like new that they picked up and started? I think Aaron wanted wanted to start playing more. And so she said, guys. I'm going to schedule a time to play for Sarah. That's awesome. Sarah played golf in high school, so she's got the basics down, which is good. Oh, so she's good. She's a ringer. She's a ringer. Yeah, absolutely. Russell, in the episode description, put down Matt's wife's foursome that we talk about

[50:34]it. And Matt, please start calling her foursome. See how that goes. Her foursome. Ask and answer. Rob, apparently there was a secret part of one of the podcasts a couple episodes ago where there was like eight minutes of dead air and you got at least two people. And they were like, oh, my God, we're going to have to put like a six minute gap or something.

[51:04]I'm going to put something really funny. OK, today, guys, there's going to be a six minute gap at the end of this very short episode. And there's going to be something so funny at the end. Just wait. That's all I had. Rolling on. Rosie, how's it going with you? Oh, my God. As Matt mentioned, it's been a long time since we chatted. So I don't even know. I don't even know what to talk about. I went on a date. I saw some great music. I drank a dirty martini. His name was Nate Smith. I ate a cheeseburger at a dive bar and watched the Wolves.

[51:31]I'm really into native plants. What do you guys want to hear about? What's what? Oh, native plants. What native plants are going on? That's the only thing that you haven't talked to us before about, I think, is the native plants. What's going on here? Well, we got so. I mean, let me ask you this. Are you becoming one of these guys who doesn't want to mow his grass because you bought one of those shitty mowers and you realize it's too hard? And so you're just going to do native all the weeds and then say it's native grass? No, no, no. Nope. No, sir. I love mowing my grass. That's in the backyard. In fact, I've really come to realize we had an issue with the backyard.

[52:00]I think the grass was not happy because we were mowing. We were watering three to four days a week for seven minutes at a time. Turns out we got fescue grass that should be mowed. That should be watered less frequently for longer. So now I'm on a three times a week, 20 minutes at a time. It's starting to look happier. So no, no, no. The grass is looking great. I love mowing. I love mowing the grass. I do it every five days or so. Where did you find out this fescue grass information? Was this like a door-to-door fescue salesman that was coming around? Or is your friend strained to blame? That's what the contractor put in for grass.

[52:31]And then he had it set up to water a certain way and it wasn't happy. So I had to do some Googling to figure out what exactly we need to be doing to make the grass happy. So the backyard. You got to get those roots down low. And that means less, way more water, but less times of water. Whoa. Exactly right. Get it in a deep soak. Yes. I'm so glad it was. So I'm learning that. So the backyard is all irrigated. Got to get that deep soak. That's all fine. Deep soak? Yeah, that was my nickname when I went to BYU. What?

[53:02]Oh, have you not heard about soaking, Aaron? I don't get it. Okay. Well, you know what? This might be, we're kind of talking about people's kinks. I actually thought, Rob, that it was the nickname you gave that handheld apparatus your wife got you for your gift. The soak? The deep soak? Yeah. Soaking, Aaron, is because they can't have sex, especially in the Mormon and Mormon colleges. They can't have sex. What is this?

[53:30]So instead, they just do insertion and then don't move. Okay. And so then they're not technically having sex. It's called soaking. Now, have I also heard about soaking being done where somebody else is on the other part of the bed, moving it up and down? So you're not technically moving. Okay. Loopholes. Okay. Which is another great thing. Which is another great bet I made. By the way, soaking charm. I'm just going to put it out there. It's another bet you could make. I'm not sure where to go from here. Aaron, we're talking about your grasses. All right.

[54:00]Rolling over, Rob. You guys said deep soak. Aaron, tell me about native grasses. What's going on? So, all right. So the backyard is, that's not like, no, I'm not shirking my duties on taking care of the backyard, but the front yard is not landscaped because that's the next project. So right now it's DIY and it's been just a bunch of dirt out there that they dumped from the backyard. So it's all hand watered to the front yard as they were taking stuff out of here. And I finally decided I want to plant something out there. I'm tired of looking at this brown eyesore. So out there, it's all hand watered and it's a slope that's Western facing.

[54:32]So I'm, I'm getting into the native plants. So I got a Monardella out there. I got some white sage. I got four to five, uh, island pink yard, which I believe are also known as Achillea. I got a apricot mellow, which is also known as a desert globe mellow. And one other kind of sage. I'm in there, man. I'm in there reading about grasses. Are these the native plants? No, they're, they're like ferns. They're flowering plants. They're perennials. Is it true that in the back you're growing almonds? No, hell no. I'm not growing any. You know that I'm not growing any almonds. Hell no.

[55:00]I'm not growing any almonds. Have you started, have you started, uh, like planting the different flowering phases? So like you've got the early flowers, the mid flowers, and then the late, the late summer flowers. Not yet. No, I like this, Matt, because what I did was I just bought some stuff to get planted in the ground for mother's day. And so it's all stuff that's going to flower. Like over the summer. And then, yeah, I got to start figuring out my ground cover. I got to figure out some stuff that's going to flower. We've got a million hostas and I've started, you know, figuring out when each flower, we've

[55:30]got one that flowers very late, like August. And so we've been staggering. You got to stagger those. I've got a staggered garden behind my garden and they're all, they should all flower at different times. So we always have flowers. Russell, imagine owning a home. Can you imagine that right now? And you gotta, you gotta care about any of this stuff. You know, the best could not do it. The best part about this. This conversation is that in the back. Now we planted some beans and the beans need a trellis. We get some green beans back there and they're starting to grow. We ordered a trellis. It's not here yet. They need a trellis.

[56:01]When I say the word trellis, the only thing I hear in my head is from way back on the Bechtel, the women have Bechtel a better episode, the wives of Bechtel a better episode where Matt's wife was talking about, she's looking at him. She's like, he's out in the, he's out in the garden. I don't know what he's doing out there. Oh, he's building. He's building a trellis. I can hear her say that in my head. Anytime I say the word trellis, I think I'm Sarah talking about Matt building a trellis. So Matt, you got to come out here and help me with my garden, man. I got some stuff happening, but you got to come out.

[56:31]I could use, I could use some assistance. I used to be so jealous of your life. I walk out the door and I don't have to deal with shit out there. Okay. There could, it could be covered in needles. I don't have to pick up a single one. I, you know what I could do? I can go outside. I can drop a glass bottle on the ground and walk away. I'll come back and it's clean. That's my house. Okay. Now I am with 300 other people in this building. Okay. And did I pass gas on the elevator the other day? It's a huge mistake. And then the door opened up like three times on the way down. Yes. So you know what I did, Aaron?

[57:00]You made uncomfortable eye contact with the person who got on. As soon as it looked like they were aware something happened, I looked at them and I went like this. And I shook my head. Disappointed in them. I was gaslighting them. Literally gaslighting the people on the elevator. I can't believe you would do this on the elevator. Gross. That's it for me. That's my latest. That's my latest thing. How's it rolling going with Rob? Listen, guys. I've been in quite a few hotel rooms lately. That's the most unenthused Aaron has ever asked. How's it going? How's it going with Rob? No. Really? After Rob's health.

[57:30]Okay, Rob. You're up. I didn't mean to be so unenthused. I'm just kidding. Terribly sorry. You're going to regret not being enthused, Aaron. You hear what I have to talk about. I'm enthused. I'm titillated. I'm just going to tell you right now. I've been in a lot of hotel rooms lately. Okay. So you know what that means. Number one. Shaving pubes. Freshly shored. You know that my wife and I are shaving our pubes like crazy because we always do it in hotel rooms. Okay. But number two. It also means that I read on Twitter the other day that people are calling.

[58:01]You know how a hotel room just has those random chairs that are there? You're like, what are these chairs for? I put my bag on it. It's like, who's sitting at this chair? It's like a comfy chair. So somebody online said, oh, those are cuckold chairs. And of course, a cuckold is somebody who watches somebody make love to their wife, which would be disappointing if the guy you've been with is a cuckold. If you brought it, it was like, I'm going to make love to your wife. You'd be like, no, gross. No, you got to go full on. We're not making love. We're not messing around here. Like, you've got to, we got to go to town here. Anyway, I got a little distracted there. They call it the cuckold chair because that's where you'd sit while the action's going on.

[58:34]And it's so funny now. Every time I go into a hotel room, I see what the cuckold chair looks like. And the one I was in the other day, it was huge. Guys, you could really spread out. You would have felt comfortable there? Oh, yeah. You could set up a couple tripods there. You could really, you could really spread out. So next time you're in a hotel room. Just think about that cuckold chair. Well, Rob, I may have been thinking about that when I was in Cleveland. So we go to Cleve, we go to the baseball game and they've got this cool kind of alley with

[59:00]all these bars at night. We go to this kind of like dive bar watching basketball. Oklahoma City, Dallas is on the TV. We're sitting at the bar, fun dive bar. There's a lot of people coming in and out. There's good bartenders, good service, everything. We're sitting there and I go down where it's about ready to leave. I go downstairs, use the bathroom. I come back up. Upstairs. Roommate is talking. I'm talking with the bar back and he's talking about cuckolds. And I was like, oh, my God, what is happening here? What? Like, what is happening and how he goes in and supposedly all these people at the bar

[59:31]always want to do what? Do a cuckold. I don't know what you would even call it, Rob, where the bartender. Are you talking about hot wifing or cuckolding? I don't even know what you're. I don't know anything about this. I'm going to look up the difference right now. Either way. Either way. The upstairs roommate was having a conversation. Conversation with the bar back about cuckold. And then I had to explain what that meant afterwards. But so the bar back is like a cottage industry for the bar back. Yes. Like that's how he makes his extra tips is like goes in. Yes.

[60:01]Oh, wow. So. Oh, my God. But then that would be a lot of pressure, wouldn't it? If the couple is like, hey, listen. I get it turns me on when I see somebody do stuff to my wife. Can you come back? I mean, I think at first you'd be like, yeah, this is great. But then I just want you to think about this. You're in another guy's bed and he's right there. You know what I mean? Like, just like if you told me right now, I have to go see Aaron, but I also have to get into Aaron's bed. I don't think I'd do it. I'm not getting in a guy's bed around that bartender, like rolls into the groove.

[60:32]That's like in your side of the bed. He's like, what the hell is with this groove? It'd be the worst. Oh, what's this in his bedside drawer? Oh, it's just lint. It's goo with lint on it. Why does he have that in the bedside drawer? It doesn't make any sense. Rob, at the end of that event, whatever you were called it being cuckolded or whatever. Can I just tell you, Russell, I do believe that in being a lifelong learner. So I do want to explain to you right now. Very different. Cuckolding is getting off from feeling humiliated because someone else is making love.

[61:02]I'm going to make that edit to your wife. A hot wifing is, oh, because other people are impressed with how hot she is. So cuckolding is when you feel humiliated because you're a piece of trash, Russell. Okay, you're a piece of trash and watch what this person is going to do to your partner right in front of you. And hot wifing is like, hey, guess what? Your wife, she's so hot. Okay, so there you go. The more you know. You know what I would do at the end of one of those experiences, Rob? If it was with the bartender, I would spill my drink in my room and then make them clean it up.

[61:33]So that would be the most humiliating thing, would it? Is that not only, okay, this guy comes in with your partner and he's going to town on her and she's loving it. And you feel like a piece of garbage because you could never be that good. And then he's done. He gets up and he spills a drink and then makes you clean it up. And you'd be like, this is so much worse. This is way worse than what he just did. That'd be terrible. He like takes their batteries. He takes the batteries out of your remote and throws them away.

[62:01]And you're like, God, this guy is totally disrespecting me. This is awful. Aaron, what would they do to you to really get your goat? I don't know. Maybe they could like keep my native plants alive better than me. Oh, wow. Can you imagine? He comes over and starts watering your plants and they're just so big. Aaron's getting hot planted. You should only water them like once a week, really. That's the thing. It's like it takes them on a certain amount of patience. You see him coming over and he's like, bro, you got to be soaking these longer.

[62:32]They need to be longer soaked. They do. They need a deep soak. But like once a week at the most. Like you can't. Overwatering is a big problem. It's bigger than underwatering, I feel. This guy is hot wifing my lawn. All right. Coming out. We have the Beastie Boys, right? They're coming out. They're coming out of a punk band with Michael Diamond on drums. Now, of course, Michael Diamond, famously related to who? Diamond Dallas Page. Self high five. Dustin Diamond, otherwise known as Screech. Oh, Screech.

[63:00]Rest in peace. Who just died. Thanks, Aaron, for bringing that up on a comedy podcast. Now. What am I going to? I mean, you're going to say Screech. I'm not going to say rest in peace. Do you want him to rest in turmoil? How many times do you think they mentioned the word Screech at his funeral? That would be a bummer, wouldn't it? I feel like he's the type of guy that had no friends at a funeral. Oh, come on. You don't think Lisa went? Lisa had to go. They were dating, Russell. Come on. Come on. Slater goes. He's in a suit. He pulls the chair backwards. I'd ask Rob to Google it, but I don't want to watch him try to type Screech.

[63:32]I'm sure Zach Morris was there. Zach Morris had to be there. Unless he was filming the first season of The Passage, which never made it to a second season, which I was kind of disappointed about. I like the first season. I know for a fact, Mr. Belding, not there. Okay. Bummer. Max? Max, the magician, put on a show there. They liked it. The Beastie Boys record a song called Cookie Puss, which is a song based on this famous prank call to Carvel Ice Cream. They have a cookie ice cream thing named Cookie Puss.

[64:00]And so they started getting successful with that. They switched to rap full-time. And then they hire a DJ for the New York shows. It's this New York University student. Guess what the DJ's name is? Ed Rock? Rick Rubin. Oh! Rick Rubin is spinning records before their shows. And then Rick Rubin starts with another NYU student, Russell Simmons, starts Def Jam and comes to the band and says, hey, we want to put you guys on the label. They're sitting there. They get a call. Russell Simmons gets a call from Madonna's manager and says,

[64:31]hey, we really want this new band you have to come on tour with Madonna. Run DMC. And he goes, okay, that's fine. But run DMC is like 20 grand for a show right now. And the manager goes, damn, that's expensive. So the manager calls back later and goes, hey, Madonna, and this is true, on the Like a Virgin tour, wants the Fat Boys to open up for her. Madonna wanted the Fat Boys to open up for her. Can you imagine going to a concert and it is the Fat Boys?

[65:01]And then Madonna, they come on. That would be so good. I saw the Fat Boys in concert with Madonna. Dang. Now, here's the problem. Russell Simmons did not manage the Fat Boys. The guy was confused. He did. And so Russell Simmons goes, nope, you can't have them. They're busy. Does not tell him he doesn't manage them. And he says, listen, I got this band that can open for Madonna. And they take $500 a show. And their name are the Beastie Boys. $500 a show. And Madonna said, sure.

[65:30]And so the Beastie Boys opened up on tour. What? On the Like a Virgin tour. And they said it was every time. They had not even recorded this album yet. And they're opening up on tour. Oh, my God. They said it was an absolute disaster. And they're not sure why Madonna did it. Maybe she wanted to look good in comparison or what. But then they come back. They record this video. They absolutely nail the videos that go along with this album. I'm sorry. They record the album. They nail the videos that go along with this album. MTV blowing up. This is the first rap album ever to get to number one on the Billboard Top 200.

[66:05]They took it on tour. Tour is a disaster. They constantly tried to start fights with the crowd. Got arrested. One of the worst tours of all time, famously. Then Rick Rubin says, hey, guys. I know you started with us. You were the second group that we signed. And we're not going to pay you anymore. Sorry about that. And they said, OK, we're going to Capitol. We talked about it with Paul's Boutique. They did that, which is all samples. Yeah, I mean, they've certainly tried to be more thoughtful. Rhyme and stealing. I cannot believe that someone would just use Led Zeppelin's music in this way.

[66:35]Just steal someone else's music and try to make money on it. God, I mean, when you hear these drums, like, you're ready. Like, if you fucking hear it when the wedding breaks, like, let's go. So, B.C. Boys are now a famously litigious group. They recently sued a kid's toy maker because they used the beat to girls in the background. What? And so it's like, it's so funny. So they don't even exist without samples.

[67:00]No. Right? Well, I'm just telling you. They're amazing at rapping over it, but it's. But are they paying to use it, you know, in the way that you're supposed to, as opposed to just stealing it and not giving it away? In 1986? I don't know at the time. Yeah, I don't know. There's no way. Probably not. There's no way they're paying. They would have to now. Like, all those would be cleared now for this to still be available. But that happened. Somebody took.

[67:30]It was crazy because an airlines took their song before this album. They sued the airlines. British Airways got $30,000. And that's kind of what set the band up where they could take the time to make this album. It's like they're extraordinarily litigious, which is funny. 1991. In 1991, Bridgeport Music versus Dimension Films, American courts ruled that unlicensed sampling, however minimal, constitutes copyright infringement. Wow. They're doing this well before they had to pay for it. Yeah. And I'm just going to say right now, guys, copyright infringement makes me sick.

[68:01]Next up, the new style. However minimal, Rob. However minimal. And who knows what that means? Okay. This is actually a sample from Peter Piper, which is a Run DMC album that comes out. Later than this album, they're sampling albums that are about to come out. Crazy. And that wasn't so odd at the time. There was like, there just weren't. It's weird to think about it now because now we think about sort of infinite sample space for hip hop.

[68:30]But at the time, there was still a smaller number of samples out there in part just physically. Like people had to go dig in crates or they had to like figure out how to put this on tape. So they had to borrow from stuff because there wasn't just this infinite space there is now you can take from. You know, lately I had to take my kid to Michael's and you know why? She's crafty. Oh, Led Zeppelin again. Hard to argue with the formula.

[69:00]It works, right? Yeah, right. Like put Bonham on some drums and rap over it. Got it. We're not, we're not quite to the real meat of this album, but did you guys have a blast listening to this album? Like I did just an absolute. I loved it. I mean, it was fun. It reminded me, this was, I remember vividly in elementary school, the pool kids had this tape and a tape recorder and everybody would gather around and listen to this album. We just thought it was like unbelievable. It's the first album I remember.

[69:30]I've only had one Beastie Boys album in my life. It was the one that had intergalactic planetarium, planetarium, intergalactic. Russell, it's like I'm there. Every time I listen to the Beastie Boys, I wonder why I don't listen. I listen more often to the Beastie Boys. Posse in effect. Now, Russell, one of the lines here says it's cheaper than a hot dog with no mustard. Mustard, mustard, mustard. What do you put on that hot dog, Russell?

[70:00]What do you put on a hot dog? I know we've talked about this before, but I want to see this. I was actually going to bring this up when I was at the Cleveland Twins game. They do the kind of hot dog races like you see in Milwaukee or in the mascot races. And it was, they had three things for the hot dog. Yep. They had ketchup, mustard, and onions. I would never put onions on a hot dog. Oh, onions on a dog? Mustard and onions, that's all you need. Can I tell you guys what I'm putting on hot dogs right now? Because you know. What's that? Mayonnaise.

[70:30]Yes, yes. Mayonnaise on a dog, you're just like. I would say yes. There's no way Matt would ever do that. If somebody sees you, they will call a hotline and try to figure out how to help you. Okay? But it is good. You cannot let people see you do it, but it is so good. The best is if you get Kewpie mayo from a squeeze bottle, you go Kewpie mayo, squeeze a little squiggles on the top, and then a little hot sauce squiggles, and then some pickles on it. That's it. That's a perfect hot dog right there. I've never seen Aaron so animated in my entire life as he has to talk about mayo and hot sauce.

[71:00]Matt, what are we doing? Do you eat onions on a hot dog? No, never. I don't eat onions in real life. That was one of the dumbest questions I've heard in my life. I don't know. Maybe he likes that on a hot dog. I feel like, yeah, Matt. That goes to baseball games. What do you do? What do you get, Matt? Mustard only. Mustard only. Really? Do you judge people that put ketchup on there? No. And then, you know, like Eddie will eat a half a hot dog, so I'll finish his. So he's got mustard and ketchup. So I don't mind a little ketchup. I just choose not to have it. Boy, your kids eat mustard? I don't think my kids would touch mustard.

[71:31]Your kids are brave. Yeah. My kids are not. Oof. No way. No. No. Next up, Slow Ride. Now, I do like this old school rap sound. I like their voices. We talked about that in Paul's Boutique. I like how they. I like how they come in. The sound of their voices are different. Aaron, is there a. I was going to ask. Aaron, is there like a term when it's kind of like the three guys going back and forth? It's like line, line, line, line. Is there a term for that? Or do you hear that in hip hop a lot or not? Well, I mean, call and response, I guess, would be the only thing you could relate it to.

[72:04]And it definitely happened a lot more. Or like, you know, posse rhyming or group rhyming. Like, it definitely happened more at this time. But, yeah, call and response is the only one I could think of. I think. And then groups now, once in a while, will like do it. It was a throwback. But it was definitely like of the time. I think one thing to understand about the Beastie Boys is I think we realized in the 90s and 2000s, like they were legitimately musically geniuses. Right. Like you would never guess when you see the videos. You would never guess when you. But now that you listen to this album again, you can hear it like, oh, they're taking, you know, what was there for a long time.

[72:35]But they're adding something where it's just that kind of punk influence. There's something interesting about it. Yeah, they had a great year for stuff. And I think they get. I think you see it. It's kind of like Prince where. I didn't really understand Prince until he died. And all these people came out of woodwork and said, like, how great they are. Like, if you see all of the collaborations and all of like where, you know, Beastie Boys and whoever are getting together just to do a song. I mean, like they I think they were renowned for how musically gifted they were.

[73:03]And everybody wanted to kind of at least know them and try to do something with them at some point, because I think that's kind of the most telling way that I've felt. Some of these groups that maybe I haven't heard of all of a sudden. But you see a whole bunch of other groups with them. You're like, well, somebody respects what they're doing if they're going to go out of their way to collaborate with them. So, yeah, true. Next up, I mean, girls. Now, they said later they got criticism for the song because it has lines like girls do the dishes.

[73:31]But they're like, and I have to agree with them. How can you listen to this song and think they're saying anything seriously? I mean, they're laughing during the song. They had a documentary. Was it on Apple recently? You know, and it kind of went through the whole thing. Like, yeah, we were just a bunch of knuckleheads at the time. And, you know, obviously, we think different now as we get older. But, yeah, that's the whole point. Like, what? Yeah. What do you think? Well, I will say I'm just going to say girls for me is like an all time song.

[74:04]It's Winamp. It really whips the llama's ass. That is an MP3 classic, right? A hundred percent. I will say, though, like now on Fight for Your Right to Party. By the way, the fourth single off the album, just to show you what morons people are. They said that this was a parody of, like, the frat bro party thing. But then they go on tour and they don't get canceled because they're yelling at the audience.

[74:30]So it's like, are they kind of retroactively saying, like, oh, it was just a big joke? You know what I mean? Like, the song says what it says. I mean, it's anti-authority. It's fight the party. It's your parents are dorks. It's right there. I texted you guys about this this morning. This was an all time low moment for me as a parent because I had to put this album on today. I hadn't listened to it much until today. So I was like, well, I got to get my work in. So I had the I had the album on this morning. It's my son's last day of school today.

[75:00]He was jamming on the tunes. He was enjoying it. But his new thing is he likes to read his read on the app on his iPad up until the very last minute and then be late to school. Today was the last day. They love kids. I'm just going to tell you right now. Kids fucking love being late. School. That's one of their favorite. I just think it's his calling card. Loves being late to school. I am standing in the kitchen yelling at him not to read. He doesn't have time to read. He's got a brush. We got to get to school on time. This fucking song is playing. This is the low point for me as a dad.

[75:32]Like I am yelling at my kid to brush his teeth and get to school in time while this song is playing. I have become as soon as you drop them off. You're like, ah, it's time for me to smoke my three packs a day. You get it. You guys were talking. You guys were talking about how this was like a joke and then it became one of their biggest hits, right? Well, I thought we could do a list of other songs that were written as jokes that became great hits. Wow. Just like France's wife.

[76:02]He was a freak. She was doing lists all the time. He was a freak. Well, I mean, he got syphilis. Famous cuckold. Famous cuckold. Oh, you're right. I'm sorry. I'm stepping on everybody's jokes. I should do a list. All right. First song on the list is Bachman Turner Overdrive. It's You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet. This is a joke. Russell, this can't be a joke. This is real to me, damn it. This is not a joke. Do you guys know the joke in this one or no?

[76:31]No. Was it with the stutter? It is the stutter. So one of the Bachman brothers, they were brothers and one was the manager and he had a stutter. He stepped down from the band. And the band. The band made it as a joke for him. Like, I think if I don't think it was mean spirited, I think it could come off mean spirited, but they made it as a joke for him. And then they produced their record. The record company was pissed because they had no hits and they said, you got to give us like a real song.

[77:00]So they gave him this as like a fuck you. And then the record company loved it. They put it on the album, became their biggest hit ever. Wow. Wow. Are you saying that this is a bigger hit than taking care of business though, Russell? Oh, it was number one. So I don't know if they've taken care of. Business with the number one. Also, that's the name of my cuckold LLC. I just want to tell everybody that gaze. I got some business cards. If Robin to adjust the video cable on his, his, his camera, this next song would be a perfect description. It's blur.

[77:30]Song two. Yeah, this is a song to Russell, but what's it called? Two. So my understanding is. This is, this is Matt. You're, this is your guy from the gorillas, right? Damon Allman. Is that his name? Yeah. This is his band before that. Yeah. This is supposed to be like making fun of grunge and post grunge music. The whole point of the song is it's supposed to have no meaning.

[78:00]It's supposed to be just complete nonsense. They threw it out there to make fun of the genre. It's becoming a huge hit for them. And the jokes on them. The jokes on them. It's a fun song to listen to. And they get mad when you don't sing along at that festival. Where they were filmed yelling at the crowd. Very cool. And I was actually reading. They really said it was like poking fun at. I was reading too at, at post grunge rock. And some of the, some of the songs they, or I was like, what is post grunge rock? And I looked it up. Let me see. The Foo Fighters, Nickelback, Creed, Stained, Bush, Fuel, Lifehouse.

[78:35]Is that post grunge rock? How could you make fun of those bands? I can't even imagine. Okay. That's crazy to me. Russell, can I just say this? I want to back. I want to circle back. I want to circle back. I want to circle back to my cuckold business. I feel like this might be a glory hole situation where if you weren't clear, people might not understand. Like if I gave you a cuckold business card, Aaron, what would you expect that I do? Well, it probably means you fuck somebody's wife. See, to me, it means that you would come over and do my wife.

[79:01]And that would be an embarrassing confusion if we both showed up and there was no wife. You know what I mean? Like that's the glory hole thing I'm talking about. You got to be careful. You just like have coffee or whatever. So I think you'd have to like circle. Like there's the chair in the hotel room. It's like circle. This is me. This is me on the chair. Okay. This is you in the crease in the bed. If Rob was going to do one of these cuckold shows in Cleveland, he would call it the rock show. This is Blink 182. Oh, with the girl at the rock show. Told her that I didn't know.

[79:32]What's the joke here? I do love Blink 182 though. I think Blink 182 and Beastie Boys are actually similar, right? They kind of that jokey mindset. But they weren't always like that, Rob. In the late 90s, they were trying to become like a heavier rock band. And the manager didn't like what they were putting out. He said, I need a catchy track. And they were like, fuck this. We're going to give them the most obnoxious, catchy thing we can do. Oh, my God. They give them this as like a joke. It ends up becoming a huge hit for them. I mean, this song's great. I think Dammit is their best song, but this is close.

[80:01]This is so good. I was reading that also they took a lot of inspiration. If you go watch their videos, like the outfits they wore in videos and stuff, comes from the Beastie Boys. Mark Hoppus, I believe his name is, bass player and vocalist for Blink, called the Beastie Boys the greatest band of all time. Oh, wow. I'm telling you, I can see the direct line. I'm smart. I believe we've talked about this band before. It's Kings of Leon, Sex on Fire. Yeah. They got a new album that just came out.

[80:31]I give it a solid B. A B? I'm checking it out. Hey, not great if you're Macaulay Culkin and My Girl. Nope. So this one was, they had this, they had music. They had no lyrics. So they just kept joking around and throwing all of these stupid lines. Singer didn't even want to do the song. So they tried a bunch of different ones. They were just singing them as a joke. They tried Socks on Fire, Crotch on Fire, and Snatch on Fire.

[81:02]They decided to go with Sex is on Fire. This goes out to all that gorgeous Snatch in FLA. Jesus Christ, Eric. This is one of my top 100 songs of all time, Russell. I love this song. It's a great song, but it wasn't supposed to be a big hit. Man, it was a joke. Yeah. If only one of our jokes would take off, I wonder what it'll be. Will it be the Twisted Nut bit? Will it be the cold chair bit from earlier? Or will it be the fingers in the rock star's mouth?

[81:31]It will not be the fingers in the rock star's mouth. Now, I got to admit, guys, if there was a Michael Jackson mouth, I would not put my finger in that mouth. That's where I draw the line. Glad you got scruples, Rob. I would, though. I would. I'd have to. Last song on the list. You already know Russell's editing that out. Why would you even? You already know. Rob left something in last week that was almost annoying. It was so bad. I was like, I've got shit to do. For me to have to spend time typing that you need to mute that out is absurd.

[82:02]Can I tell you what the problem was? Can I tell you what the problem was? I should have explained this on the email. When I beeped what I did during my lunch break, it sounded way worse when the whole word was bleeped. It sounded worse. It could have sounded worse. It sounded so bad because it was like, oh, we just went to the house, and I did a little, and it was like, beep, and you're like, oh, my God, what did this guy? And when you beeped it, and I had to beep so much that it sounded like I was a terrible, terrible person, Russell, so I had to try to figure something out. So what happened? Did you leave it in, or did you beep it? I beeped it, but I had to leave some of the words around so you could tell

[82:32]what it was. That's a Rob wants people to know what he was doing. Yeah, the listener that I live with came right out and said, was Rob? And she knew exactly what was going on. Thank you. You know what, to that listener, salute. Last song on the list. This is one, Matt, you could have talked to those people that were playing this album the other day. Last guy on the list who made a song that was a joke that became a hit is Beck. This song is Loser. I see it. Back when he was coming up, playing in the clubs, and nobody would listen

[83:01]to him. He's like at the jazz, he's at the club where no one's, they're talking over him. No one's listening to what he's doing. So he would make up just bullshit, dumb lyrics just to see if people were listening. And so then we've talked, I think, about this once before, how you He was once meeting with this record producer or whatever, and he was trying to rap, and the guy was like, you're a terrible rapper. And so they tried, he just kind of said, I'm going to lose her. So he kind of started doing the whole thing. They recorded the song in six hours. This is the song that launched Beck.

[83:31]We wouldn't have the podcast without a song that was supposed to be a joke. This is the most important song on this podcast. It's true. And Loser? Outfitted. It's perfect. Okay. So when it comes to making songs. Songs, hits, when they were supposed to be a joke, who did it better? Beck did it better. Russell. For real, I think Beck might have done the best one. Yeah. I think Fly by Sugar Ray. It was completely different than every other song on that one album.

[84:05]They really wanted to be more of a hard rock band. They came out with that. And all of a sudden, now that's what they're popular for. So then they've got like Every Morning and some of that stuff that they've started to kind of pivot. And it's just like Blink-182. So I was waiting to see if that was coming up in your list. It's not quite a joke one, but it is weird that this is not who they wanted to be as a band. And then this is what made it popular, though. Can I tell you, that would be like if we had like the cleanest episode

[84:32]where we were talking about like maps, and then that was our most popular episode. We had to do it for the rest of our careers. What if we cleaned it way up and we got more listeners, Rob? Would you be on board or no? What if it disappeared? No. Just, I'm not saying, no, you're saying no, you couldn't do it. I don't think that more people would tune in. I think that the theory is false. No, you're not listening. I'm saying if it was proven that was working, what would you do? No, never. I'll never not talk about my lunch breaks.

[85:02]I think we haven't talked about maps in a while. And maybe that's why listenership is going down. That's true. Can I just tell you guys, I heard this song the other day. It was still a banger. It really was. I knew all the words. I mean, it's a fun song. It's a good one. It's a little strange. And Aaron had hair that looked like the lead singer in high school. He had that hair style. All right, next up. Frosted Tips. Frosted Tips, No Sleep Till Brooklyn.

[85:30]Now listen to the guitar here. So this is the lead guitarist from Slayer. Because Rick Rubin just produced their album before. He was also on Fight For Your Right. But listen. This is an interesting song. It's like an interpolation of an ACDC song. No, really? Yes, listen. Okay, so you got the groove there. You got the guitar. And then here's this. Whoa. It's the same thing.

[86:00]It's in a different key. Yeah. Wow. So now you know. I never picked up on that. No Sleep Till Brooklyn was a play on the Motorhead album. No Sleep Till Hammersmith. Okay. Next up, guys. A Brooklyn is also a drink on License to Ill in the book. It was in vinyl. We haven't talked about this in a long time. The book. Are you serious? This is the drink? I never would have guessed. We've done Brass Monkey before. I stole this when we did the first Beastie Boys album.

[86:32]Remember, it was the Old English 40 in orange juice. That's right. That's right. But they also have a Brooklyn. Not as well known as its neighboring borough's signature libation, the Manhattan. This cocktail is a forgotten classic in its own right. It's been a bit hard for the drink to come into full revival since the original recipe calls for Aaron Amarpicone, a French orange liqueur that is no longer readily available in the U.S. Oh.

[87:00]But by substituting an Amaro. What if this is the one Russell had? And adding a few dashes of orange bitters, you can approximate the flavor. So here's what's in it. Two ounces of whiskey. Yep. Three quarters ounce dry vermouth. A quarter ounce maraschino liqueur. Okay. Quarter ounce Torani Ammer, which is the thing that is no longer available. Four dashes of orange bitters. And dry vermouth, not sweet vermouth.

[87:30]Well, Aaron, I only had a sweet vermouth, so that's what went in it tonight. So you made like kind of like a boulevardier, but with. So I used the sweet vermouth and then I used Cointreau was my substitute for this orange liqueur that is no longer available in the U.S. All right. Russell, what's the verdict? What did you think of the Brooklyn? It's pretty good. I'm drinking it out of my new Wolves Back mug. Can you guys see that? Oh, yes. Wolves Back. You are drinking it out of a plastic mug? What else am I going to use this drink?

[88:00]Bring your ass. Boy. It's like something more of a guy getting out of a relationship would drink out of more than a guy going into a relationship. Well, after I was yelling earlier, Rob, we might be there. After I told a cuckold story, we might be there. After Matt did that impression. I didn't do a terrible impression. I can't believe how he did that. We're going to have the first part bleeped out. I'm telling you. I'll send you the bleeped out part. It sounded really bad. Guys, the other day, somebody came up to me and goes,

[88:31]oh, I think the best number of corners for a hat is two. I was like, you dummy. Okay. Because you know, it's obviously three. You got to have dry corners. Paul Revere. Paul Revere hat joke, by the way. Didn't know that. I have a hot take on this song. What's that? I always see like people references is like one of the big BC boys songs. I don't even think this is in the top half of the album. Wow. What do you guys think? I was confused about this one. It feels like they're kind of trying to do like a KRS one type of thing,

[89:02]but I'm not sure. It didn't fit for me. I am annoyed by reverse beats, which is what they did here. The sound rates on my ears, but. But I do love a reverse beat. I love the rap about how a group met each other. You know what I mean? Maybe that's it. Should we come up with a rap for how we met each other? I thought Rob was going to invite us to do like where we all would sing like the BC boys. We'd be doing lines back and forth on the parody, but I guess we didn't get the invite.

[89:30]Kind of like Bones and O's. The Santa Maria. Exactly. Hold it. Hit it. Hold it now. Hit it. Here they're introducing themselves again. I love it. It feels like you don't need this song and Paul Revere both on the album, right? Like this is maybe the only miss. Yeah. Well, this is one that it doesn't. This it samples Slick Rick.

[90:00]That Lottie Dottie. We've talked about that before. Remember, we did the list of the best songs that sampled that song. So this is another one of them. Brass Monkey. Now, Russell. There were a lot of songs that sampled that song. What I read is that a Brass Monkey is a premised mixed cocktail, rum, vodka, and orange juice. You know, I was going to do another Brass Monkey tonight because there's two versions. We've talked about the old English, the old English, but I didn't have that tonight and I didn't have orange juice, but you know what I almost did until I think that when you were

[90:33]talking about that upstairs roommate leaving, this might've done it. I was going to take diet orange soda and a cream soda. I was going to take a beer. Castle Danger Cream Ale. Would that have worked or not? Not going to be good, but I would love to hear the results. Yes, you have to do that. That would have worked, Russell. That seems like a good decision. There's no cream in a cream ale, though. It's like a misnomer. If I came in and my partner was drinking that, I would not have any questions and I would

[91:02]say, what a normal night for all of us and I'm not concerned. Hey, Rob, I'm going to use the word misnomer in the write-up as well. That was a great word, Aaron. First time we've heard misnomer in four years. Wow. Well, actually, got married. Mrs. Nomer. It's low and low. This is a cover of the Run DME C song. It's literally the same song. Low and low. What? Weird. I don't, I don't. They must've just been desperate for songs.

[91:31]Right, and they've got enough tracks, right? But I guess they had to press the vinyl. I don't know. And guys, now that my school year is wrapping up and I know you guys think it's a well-deserved break. By the way, my doorman the other day, I was coming in, she goes, she, she's like, I'm like, oh, you're home early. I go, yeah, half days. She goes, yeah, teachers are always wanting more pay, but they just do half days. And I'm like, yes, you know, I'm a teacher. And you know what's sick? You know what's sick? I fucking agreed with her. It was sick of me, but I was just like, I don't want to deal with this shit. I was like, yeah, yeah, I should get paid less.

[92:02]It's just disgusting. I have, I have no spine. But now that it's the end of the school year, you know what it is? Time to get ill. Every time summer starts, I get so sick. It's time to get ill. My body's saying, okay, you've done what you can. You're, you're, you could lay down now. Shut it down. Just kidding. I usually start somewhere with an all-time masturbation bender. All right, let's get into the rating system.

[92:30]And now it's time for everybody's favorite. I mean, when you're jerking it at 9.45 a.m., you're either in a really good place or a really bad place. What do you think the, what time is the least frequent you've ever, engaged in such activity, Rob? I bet 12.45 p.m. Right after lunch, right? You think you've never just ever happened at 12.45? Well, never. You didn't say never. Excuse me, Russell. Who's less frequent? I would say, I was going to say five in the morning, but that maybe isn't true either.

[93:01]It's like, it's whatever, like you'd wake up and your roommate, you knew your roommate had an eight o'clock class. You're like, okay, I can do this. I go right back to bed. This is going to be great. Roommate comes in, it's all humid in there. What is going on in here? Anyway. Let's get into the rating system. Okay. Russell got us gifts and now we're giving you, the listeners, a gift, our opinion on this album. So what do we think? Is this rolling well toned at 192? That's exactly where License to Ill should fit.

[93:32]We all agree it's a banger, but does it belong here at 192? Okay. If you think it's perfect right here, that is a rolling well toned. If you think it should be lower on the list, okay, that would be a rolling. That would be a rolling groan. Okay. Hey, Russell, I'm trying to sleep over here. Okay. You know, when I started this cuckolding business, I just want to say this right now. When I started it, I didn't realize this was going to be one of the main problems. Russell, if I started a cuckolding business, what would you think that involves?

[94:00]Hey, nevermind. That is a rolling Russell. Wait, we already had this joke. If you think the album, nope. Nope. If you delivered like more comfortable chairs or something like, it's like a hotel chair could be like not very sturdy. Who knows? Too comfortable. Too comfortable. You wouldn't want the chairs to be too comfortable. Hey, don't get too comfortable. Hey, buddy, I'm over here plowing your wife. Don't get too comfortable over there. You know what I mean? This would be like, why is Russ not sitting in the chair? Why is he standing in the corner of the air conditioners over there? He wants to stand by the vent. Hey, buddy, you're doing a great job.

[94:32]I'm roasting you over here. I'm getting too sweaty over here. But I got to stand up and you know, we've talked about that. I'm not. Anyway. Okay. If you think this album is no good, it should be lower than 192, which of course is a high or a higher number. That is a rolling groan. Okay. Again, I'm trying to sleep over here. What do you think, Matt? Rolling well-toned, rolling bone, or rolling groan? No, I think you guys talked about it a little earlier. I'm a fan of the later Beastie Boys.

[95:01]You know, this is kind of the first one that came out. It goes License Ill, Malm's Boutique, Check Your Head, Ill Communication, and then Hello Nasty. You know, Check Your Head. What does that got? That's got So What You Want. I just think that's such a great song. It's a great song compared to anything else on this one. You know, then Ill Communications got Sure Shot and Sabotage and you know, all of those. I mean, like, I just think that album's even better. And then Hello Nasty's got, you know, the integral. I just, I'm not a fan of the early Beastie Boys.

[95:31]I am much more of a fan of kind of the mid to late 90s Beastie Boys. And so I, the fact that Ill Communication is not on the list, I think Check Your Head is the last one. Um, it, it, it's just, it doesn't sit with me. Like this is a great album. I own this. I own this on vinyl. I listened to it, but I just, for where the Beastie Boys are, I'm going to say it's rolling grown should be lower on the list only because I think there's better Beastie Boys albums out there. Russell, what do you think?

[96:00]Rolling well-toned, rolling boned. Oh, actually, Matt, I have to say this. If you go look on like Reddit for Beastie Boys, that's the number one thing Beastie Boys fans say too, is that if you like License to Ill, you're not a real Beastie Boys fan. The good stuff comes later. Well, this is like a, this is like a Metallica black album. Yeah. Yeah. It's a whole, there's a whole thing. Cause there is a rabid Beastie Boys fan base for sure. Guys, our downloads are going to go through the fucking roof on this episode. I can't wait. Uh, Russell, what do you think? Rolling well-toned. 26 downloads. Rolling well-toned, rolling boned, or rolling grown.

[96:32]Don't say numbers in there. Well, tonight I'm going to fight for my right to go. I'm going to cut different than Matt. I thought this was fantastic. I loved listening to it. I thought it was super catchy. I loved the rapping. I don't, I don't love that. Like, I, I can't tell if I love this cause they're just using amazing samples, but whatever they did, they did it. They're the ones who did it. And it's, it sounds awesome. I'm super into it. I don't know if it's kind of like De La Soul or some of those we've heard before, but I

[97:01]thought this was fantastic. I think this, I enjoyed this way more than Paul's boutique. So I'm going to say this is rolling boned. It should be higher on the list because I think it's better than the first Beastie Boys album we listened to. Uh, Aaron rolling, well-toned rolling bone or rolling grown. Yeah. Licensed to ill Beastie Boys. Licensed to ill Beastie Boys. What do you think? I'm glad to hear Matt's thoughts because I, I don't know those other albums as well as Matt does. And I, and I don't actually remember Paul's boutique that well, but yeah, it feels like Paul's boutique is the one that ends up high on these lists.

[97:30]And I thought Paul's boutique was great, but for me, I thought of Russell a lot because this has the hits that I know. So that's got the hits and the run of girls. Five, you're right. No sleep. So Brooklyn is almost unbeatable. I mean, I'd like this to me is the, the, for me, it's the Beastie Boys album of the two that we've listened to that I would listen to more frequently. So I'm, I'm going to have to give it a rolling boned. All right. Uh, unfortunately you guys are incorrect. Shit. Okay.

[98:00]This gets a rolling Boeing and I know, by the way, I know a great Boeing airline joke. Okay. If you guys want to ask me later, I'll tell it to you. This gets a rolling Boeing album cover. Okay. Have you seen the album? Remember to this, the album cover of course was the last part here, but then when you unfolded it, Russell, the artwork you unfolded, you looked, you saw that the Beastie Boys plane had actually crashed on the side of the mountain. When I saw that, when I was like seven, it blew my mind. And then when I was in college and I found out that if you turn this sideways, guess

[98:31]what this plane in the mountain is supposed to look like? What's that? A joint being crushed down into an ashtray. And then I got my mind blown again. The Beastie Boys are absolute geniuses. The letter on the plane. If you read them in a mirror, guess what it says? Eat me, which is brilliant. Okay. It's the boobless of our times. Now, next week, we have a band from a town. We have a band from a town that's named after a little hill. Oh, you guys, we've already done a list.

[99:01]What am I going to do next? Okay. From Sausalito. It's Willie and the Poor Boys by El Cerrito. What the fuck? Green's Clearwater Revival. Nobody cares, Aaron. Nobody cares. When you want to hear about the greatest outfits of all time. People are eating that bad shit. But you're just too lazy to look it up online. If you want to hear four guys who chat. Oh, my God. If I had eight minutes of this episode, people are just going to delete it. I've got the perfect podcast for you.

[99:31]Oh, no. But I have to. I have to. We said we're going to, and I can't possibly edit that out. Oh. Listen. Listen. I'm just going to say two words, okay, of why my idea for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is a good one. Meatloaf. Put your finger in that meatloaf mouth, baby. Oh, my God. You know where that mouth was at that Paradise by the Dashboard Light incident?