Episode 197

The Beatles: Meet the Beatles! (1964)

Beck Did It Better Podcast 1964

About this episodeThis episode might be a fever dream, or it might actually be the best podcast about the Beatles and the 197th greatest album of all time, Meet the Beatles. In preparation for the album, we reveal which Beatles member wrote most of the band's hits or some derivative of that question. Then we talk about apricot mallow plants, the proper way to eat a chicken wing, and Hulk Hogan's Real American Beer...brother! We also pulled a Home Alone at the baseball game and took the podium as the best Olympics podcast by discussing Olympic costumes. Reeee-LAX, it won't be long until (53:00) minutes into th

[00:00]Now, there is a movie called American Circumcision, but this was from 2017, okay? So they kind of got spiked on by COVID. They were like, this is going to be the biggest issue. But wait, wait, wait. It's about the growing, okay, now, first of all, to say the growing movement, I think it's kind of funny, but it's the growing into activist, intactivist movement, which is great if you're an intactivist. It's like, oh, you're an activist? Kind of, okay? But I do have a set of strings and weights that I wear each night. Throwing that shit back, son. Yes, Russell? I don't understand that part. Oh, no. I love the video preview for this movie is like, literally, they just do like a drone shot of the Capitol, and then it's like a baby crying in a bed. Oh, no. And then another, like, there's the shot of, there's another DC shot right there. They just go back and forth. Yeah, that would be, I'm trying to lay off the number of movies that focus on babies' penises. I am trying to lower the amount of movies I'm watching on that. So, I'm going to have to give that a hard pass, Aaron, okay? I'm with you. I have not seen it either.

[01:00]I don't. Okay, sure. Just know that I'm aware that it exists. You're aware that there's a Netflix circumcision movie? I am aware. You are? Now, because you Googled it. You know what, though? Probably with Netflix, if it's just a movie about circumcision, now it's like 10 episodes. It only had to be two. You could have gotten it done in two. Right. Like, I never got to the end of the murder one in Wisconsin, because I just, I couldn't care enough. They're so long. Just tell me who did it. Yeah. It's like, yeah. I love the tiger. Tiger King. Next. Let's go. In 2020, four friends decided to, I just didn't get to my thing. I made a good joke. I didn't click over a fast time. Decided to listen to every one of the greatest 500 albums as decided by Rolling Stone Magazine. This resulted in a text chain that celebrated the music, excoriated the order, and led us to making this podcast. We are far from experts, so we promise to do almost no research. All opinions are our own, unless you disagree. Please sit back and enjoy Beck Did It Better. We are all the way up to album 197. And from 1964, it's the album that started Beatlemania, which is, of course, when John

[02:00]Lennon would get fired up by the crowd and do a number of leg drops on his opponent, which was devastating because of his long butt, of course. What are you going to do, brother? John Lennon's Speedos were extra long at the back because of that long butt. Listen. Okay. Let's get right into it. We had enough talking. Let's turn it. Now, I have to say, sometimes... Maybe you have the summer off at work, you got a lot of time, and the mood just hits you. You want to do a full parody song. Okay? These songs aren't even that long. Ooh, a full... He's going full parody. Hey, before I play this song for every guy that's on the podcast, should I send this to the roommate just to get it clearer? And then you kind of forget that you're going to do that, and you just pass on by. So let's play. Listen to it now for the first time. Oh, Russell looks very concerned. Let's turn on the radio and listen to K-Rob. K-R-O-B. What's up, everybody? This is K-Rob. K-R-O-B. Honey, I'm home, and I got another of those statues that you like. Oh, yeah. Russ has a naked figurine on his TV stand.

[03:06]And seeing it, he's realizing he's not a single man. He's not a single man. He's living with a girlfriend. Russ now hosting her parties. For his partner's friends. When Russ wakes up in the morning, he has to share a bathroom. He's not a single man. He needs to ask when he makes plans. When Russ was dating, we all laughed until we cried. But now he's looking at that lease stay. What's up? Russ is a house husband.

[04:22]And I can't believe he's not a single man. I can't wait until Russ throws us a party. Don't try. These naked yoga statues are what I want to see. Want to see. There's more than three. But Russell is so happy. And so are all his friends. But we are all just wondering. What? And is the wedding. Because Russ would be a great husband.

[05:01]And Russ would be the best man. And Russ would be the best man. All right. There it is. I believe in you, Russ. Thank you. By the way, we are down a couple yoga statues. I came home the other day, and there was one with a broken head. So we're down at least one yoga statue. Listen, don't do this thing where you tell us that it got broke so you don't get blamed. Okay? Don't do that thing where it's like, hey, honey, something happened with the yoga statues. I did it better. We did have a moment the other week. Wow. An upstairs roommate texted me and was worried I was going to be very mad. She said she put nail polish remover on, like, we have this, like, table that's kind of on wheels in our living room. Really cool table. And supposedly, it somehow burned like a hole in part of the table. I don't know how that, I don't know enough about nail polish remover. Yeah, it's not good. It's not good. And there was, she was very nervous. She said she had texted her friends all day. She was worried I was going to get pissed.

[06:00]I went and looked. I was like, if you didn't tell me about that, I wouldn't even notice it. I could give a shit about, like, a small, like, dent in the table. Like, when you tell me there's a hole, I think legit, like, you could stick something through to the table. I mean, you're picturing a cigarette burn. You're picturing exactly the same thing that we're picturing. Somebody took a cigarette and just burned it right through your table. Through, like, through the table. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you could stick your finger through it. Yes, but it was, like, a small dent. I was like, it just gives a character, right? Right. And then she has a pin and a condom. She's like, oh, I was going to tell you something else, but forget about it. If you don't care, you know. You won't notice. You won't notice. That's right. If you don't care about holes and things, don't worry about it. All right. Let's get into the voicemail. We're not doing intros? Yeah, who the hell's on this podcast tonight? I was so excited to do the voicemail. I thought that was such a good joke. Who are these fucking guys? Listen, we are here talking about. We're talking about Meet the Beatles, okay? I cannot tell you how bad I wanted to do the Beat the Beatles joke again. I was like, I did that last week.

[07:01]I can't do it. Ringo Brown Star, don't say that again. All right. I've got three guys here who are wondering why the cover of this album has to go so hard. I mean, guys, look at the cover of this album, Meet the Beatles. Look at this thing. It's baller. Just their four faces in blue. Does it look anything like what I'm holding in front of you, Rob? Oh, my God. Look at that. On vinyl. Russell. That's an original. Original from 1964. The dates. That's on the record. Also, can you guess the price? The original price sticker on the record from 1964. Can you guess the price? 15 cents. A dollar? K-penny. $3.99. What was $3.99 worth in 1964, Matt? I don't know, Russ. What was $3.99 worth in 1964? I have no idea. I figure a gallon of gas was like 20 cents then, right? And so now it's like a gallon of gas. Oh, I lost. I got lost in the sauce. Here, guys. I cannot keep track. There's something there. There's something there. Russell, that's beautiful. I love it. It's got like 20 bucks. It was 10 bucks.

[08:01]$1 was 10. $3.99. 30 bucks. That's like a $40 record. $40 and 42 cents. You know what? Wow. $20 CDs was actually a great deal. We didn't realize it at the time. I know. And great sound quality and very durable. Why didn't I get rid of my CDs? Why are we starting this already? This early in the podcast and I'm already off the rails. Oh, Aaron, don't worry. I'm sure it's the only mistake you'll make in your life as you look back. Well, we're going to talk about Lossless Audio later, so. Oh, my God. Okay. Hey, folks. Aaron, I might have to go get a towel. Don't drink that poison yet. You got to get to the Lossless Audio part and then you can. All right. So, I've got Matt in Minneapolis. Matt, how are you doing? Good, Rob. Go away and leave me alone. Don't bother me. There's been a theme lately. I've got Russell in Minneapolis. Russell, how are you doing? Rob, I never heard it all until there was you. You and this podcast. Oh, wow. Now, Aaron. Now, I got Aaron out in California.

[09:00]Now, Aaron, recently, I saw you took a picture. He said, listen, I'm trying to wear this tipped over canoe on my head. I was like, wait, guys, are you seeing this? Aaron is trying to wear a tipped over canoe on his head. Why would he be trying to wear a tipped over canoe? And Tyler, too. And Aaron says, well, it's capsized. Aaron, how are you? It's capsized. I thought it was a tip of canoe and Tyler, too, joke. But yeah. I didn't see the capsized joke coming. Oh, my God. Listen, tip of canoe or Tyler, too, is also a Dave Ivey Giant song. So, I do. And we can play that before we talk about presidential songs. Oh, that's right. We have. You guys remember the soul man for Bob Dole? Soul man? Soul man? That was the one where you're like, you can't find this anywhere online. Also, can you canoe by the Okie Dokie Bowler song? That's not familiar. There's also the man in the canoe from my dad. A letter to me, my freshman year. In your column. Do it. Rob, I want to hold your hand. Let's talk about the Beatles. Oh, Aaron, you feel free, except it's so sweaty right now.

[10:01]We should hold hands. We don't, you know, like last year we approached hugging. I feel like we should hold hands next time we get together. When I see those Saudi Arabian guys and they're walking around holding hands, I am kind of jealous. I'm like, hey, I want to hang out with my bros and hold hands. Yeah, dude, that's nice. Hey, listen, man, we'll do it like this, man. We'll take it easy for it, okay? We'll do safe hand-holding. We'll each put on some golf gloves. If you were wearing my hand wearing golf gloves, I feel like that's the most bro thing. You can do. I'd be scared. We each have high lie sticks and we're going to touch them to each other. You're a lot stronger than we give you credit for. Well, that's true. Oh, you know what, though? Guys, I will tell you right now, my grip is not. My grip is one of the weakest. I don't, I have Jenny open jars for me sometimes. Like, I really do not have a strong grip and I never have, like, I've never been good at arm wrestling. It's emasculated. And you know what we don't have in this house? Anything to help you open jars. We don't have one of the rubber things. We don't have one of the OXO tools. I got nothing. I'm helpless. Okay. Oh, the lever. Never heard of her. Okay. I'm useless. You have multiple world records. It's all lower body.

[11:01]Yeah. You can't deadlift a jar open. Yeah. Maybe you could somehow. You got to rig something up. You want me to do a very specific action that does not translate to anything else in my life, as far as I can tell. I am okay at that because of my age. And that's about it. Let's get into the voice, man. You're so stupid. I forgot about this, by the way, quick update, desperate for voicemails. I was wrong again. I miscounted. Please. You were mentioning arm wrestling. You know who you should never arm wrestle? People who actively want to arm wrestle. They know something. They know how to like, click, flip the wrist in like a certain way where it doesn't matter how strong someone is. They're going to kill you at our, anyone who wants to arm wrestle, you should never arm wrestle them, right? They know that if you've, if you've got a hat on, if you turn it backwards, it's like flipping a switch, you know, things like that. Also, I believe starring Terry Funk, former pro wrestling superstar. Yeah.

[12:01]Famous wrestling family. I would say that's a top three semi movie. Don't you think you've got that you've got over the top, you've got transformers, you got transformers, transformers, then mad max, and then mad max, the new man. Well, but then you got to throw in Peewee's big adventure with large, my God, that's such a good semi movie. Okay. I know one large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large, large. That's not burned into your childhood as something that's shit out of you. I watched that one as much as you guys. Yeah. That was too scary. Way too scary. And then of course, breakdown with Kurt Russell, where he, they were like kidnapping people in the semi, very pivotal movie. It's like the river wild. Just a movie. I saw like a hundred times in my childhood. No idea why. I think my dad must've copied it onto VHS or something. Wait, the river wild. Does that, wait, who's in that one? Meryl Streep. I just rewatched it recently. It's not great. Oh, and Kevin, Kevin Bacon. There's a rafting movie that's been making me so crazy.

[13:00]One of the Corys is in it and they, they do some river rafting and it's, it's dangerous the whole time. And then, and then at the very end of the movie, he breaks the fourth wall and he looks at the camera and he says, not this puppy. And I can't fucking remember what movie it is. I bet John for me, Donna knows he'll call in and let us know what it is. Call in, send us a voicemail. What is the movie with one of the Corys where he looks at the camera and says, not this puppy. Okay. At the very end. And there's some rafting involved. Once again, once again, sounds like Aaron, uh, it might be a fever dream. I would say, uh, uh, semi movie is, uh, for me, it's any porno lately. I'm having trouble. Oh, all right. Let's get into the voicemail for your upcoming Beatles episode. So we got a text for the first time ever. We received a text from somebody. Let me see if I can zoom in on this. Where they actually sent us a graphic data visualization about the, uh, the album that we're doing today. And basically they sent us a graphic of every Beatles song, top 100 hit who it was written

[14:02]by and the percentages. Hey, Aaron, you want to guess who has the highest percentage of Beatles top 100 hits written by? Is it Lennon and McCartney, McCartney, Lennon, Harrison, or Ringo? Wait, percentage, like best batting average as a songwriter or right. Total. What's the, I don't know. What do you think the difference is? I don't get it. It would be what's the denominator. Is it, is the denominator, all Beatles tunes and then numerator is how many reaches top 100 or the denominator is each songwriter and how many of theirs reached total songs in the top 100 versus songs they wrote in the top 100 and then flow. I'm going to go with George fucking serious. You know, you think George Harrison wrote the most number one. Didn't you go to like, didn't you go to like, we were talking about this. This is the guy who was wearing the Lennon glasses around high school. When you listen back, you're going to realize you're talking about, you're going to take

[15:00]you, you're going to, when you listen back, you're going to realize you're talking about their batting average and I still might be wrong, but you're talking about how many of their songs, each songwriter's songs reached the top 100. You're not talking about the total. Oh no. And I explained to you, that's not what it was of all Beatles top 100 songs. Who had the highest percentage written? Well, it would be Lennon. Lennon, McCartney. Incorrect. That's what I would say too. Lennon, McCartney wrote 26% of those Beatles, that the Beatles songs that made to the top 100 coming in at 35%, just John Lennon by himself. But they, they, they claim. How can you really, I mean, yeah, every one of them, if you look at the record there, there are any, every one that one does, they claim them together. Right. Listen. Hold on. But that says, what does it say? It says he's responsible. He's responsible for 43% of their number one hits. McCartney. Let's start with Lennon there. You were talking about Lennon, Rob. This is Lennon and McCartney. 26% of all top 100 hits for the Beatles. Now, first of all, listening to Aaron explain what he's thinking.

[16:02]That's not what it says, Rob. I don't like. Then go to McCartney. Yeah, that's all their songs. Yeah, we're. Oh. Oh. Okay. So listen, I was about to say something about Aaron being a bachelor of music and making fun of him. I'm going to scratch that from my mental record that I was ever going to say that. McCartney and Lennon wrote 26%. Paul wrote 29% of the songs, but was responsible for 43% of their number one hits. Lennon did 31% of the songs and 35% of their hits. And George Harrison only wrote 12% of the whole Beatles catalog. And Ringo wrote three songs. But he also sang lead vocals on each one of those songs. So who's the real winner? Right? And we've talked about this before, like the Paul McCartney. He's still alive, so. Jesus Christ, Aaron. So is Paul. So is Paul. What would you take, Aaron? The hits or the. I would take Ringo's life, too. I think Ringo's got a good life. That unfortunate moment in the park in New York. Yeah. John Lennon had one hit that was too big. Oh. What? Jeez. Come on. What?

[17:00]Too soon? Too soon? Guys. Hey, I know. We're all sad about it. Between this and the expanded butthole thing, I think we're kind of being a little harsh on John. That's true. I didn't realize we were looking at the butthole. To be fair, it was just the butt crack. Sorry. I apologize. I picture somebody with a butt crack that long has. It's the smallest of buttholes. Just like Rob doesn't know numbers, I don't know science. I don't know biology here. So anyway, thank you to the person who sang this. By the way, Ringo's top three songs that he wrote, he has zero top 100 hits. Rob, we should post this on the Instagram. This is a pretty cool infographic, right? I think so, too. So I appreciate the voicemail. Nicely done. Listen, would I wish that they would ask us, like, what's our favorite kind of ice cream? Yeah, of course. Okay. That would be great. But I'll take graphics that help us. Even if maybe when I was studying the graphics earlier today, I obviously had no idea what was going on. Okay. That's disturbing how little I understood that graphic, Russell, by looking at it.

[18:00]And then you looked at it and you understood it instantly. I'm starting to have more self-doubts. Infographics is one of my favorite categories, Rob. Wow. Yes. You just love looking at infographics. Yeah. Have you ever seen, you know where you should get on then? Russell? What's that? TikTok. TikTok has some fun infographics. I'm telling you, when you want to see what the top 100 songs are and they go up and change in the graphs and the songs playing. Guys, I'm telling you, now that summer's here and I don't have to teach anymore, I'm going to be on TikTok like 10 hours a day and I'm going to love it. My brain's going to melt right out my eyeballs and I can hardly wait. Okay. How many more hours is that than when you were teaching? Only a couple. Unfortunately, only a couple. There are times where I'll walk the dog and I'll have watched TikTok the whole time and I get to my place. Oh, God, I didn't realize I was here. Oh, my God. Old ladies and walkers are strewn to the side that I've ran into. I'm sure that's fine. So, all right, let's get into rolling going. Aaron, how's it going rolling with you?

[19:02]Screw that up. It's going rolling nice. A quick native plant update. Things are going really well. My Monardella is starting to bloom. I think we're going to get some good stuff out there. The Apricot Mallow, something ate the blooms on that one. You're an apricot guy, not an apricot guy? I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I'm trying it out. What do you think? I love it. The great apricots. If you're going to lean in, you got to lean all the way in. Right? Own it. Hey, here's a movie that would not do well, Aaron. Planet of the Apricots. I mean, that's not going to work. Apricots together. Wrong. Thank you, everybody. Thank you. Things are good in the native plant world. Now, did you ever wish that in that movie, Planet of the Apes, so the new one, of course, is Caesars. You'll never guess what would make that movie better. Rob, can you take your earphones off? All right, but you're going to regret it when you hear the joke after this. You guys remember at the end of last week when he said, sorry, I went so long, guys. That's my fault. That's my fault. This keeps going so long.

[20:00]Remember when he apologized to us and said he was going to change? He doesn't have to work for three months. We're going all night, Matt. All right. Okay, Rob, come on back. I never said I was going to change. I want to be clear about that. I didn't just apologize. Wait, you're supposed to have your headphones off. How did you hear us? I don't know. It's just like a dumbest of the dumb. Listen. What if instead of Caesar in that movie, it was Little Caesars? No. Pizza. Pizza. Strong. If I could order Seamless right now and get just crazy bread to my house, I would do it. That's Little Caesars crazy bread. It was so good. It hit so hard. So, Aaron. It was. It was crazy. You had a mallow apricot. Now, I grow those in the swamp. They're my marshmallows. Yeah. I got that. The apricot mallow is beautiful orange flowers. It's also known as a desert globe mallow, but I think a deer or something ate that flower. So, I'm growing some sage because I think that's going to keep the deer away, but that's not the point. All right. I agree with you.

[21:00]Time to get it gone. Defend your house. Second amendment. The point tonight is that I need some advice, you guys. Uh-oh. Advice corner? Dang. I don't even know where it is anymore. Get to the corner. It's time for Russell's Advice Corner. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. All right. So, here's the deal. You guys remember last... This is early. I'm looking at this early, but I'm thinking about it. Last November, I went to the school auction, and I dressed as Pitbull, and I dressed as Prince. You recall, right? You're not thinking about this already, are you? Thinking about it already, because I need your advice. Who cannot think about that? I think about you... Anytime I hear Pitbull, there's a little part of me that hears you, that thinks about you for sure. Right. This year's event, the theme is the Olympics. So, I'm already thinking about what to do, and I've got an idea, and I need you guys to tell me if it's offensive or not. So, first, I said, hey... If you have to ask, right?

[22:00]If you have to ask. Right? I know. I know. First, I said, hey, why don't we go with the Jamaican bobsled team? And I said, I don't want to wear spandex. So, that was out. Wow. Think about it. Think about the joke. And then... But what I've decided is, I need you guys to tell me, is this offensive? And the Olympics are coming up, so this is good. My thought is, we go as, and it doesn't matter who's who, we go as Bruce and Caitlyn Jenner. Is this offensive or not? I... Yes. Okay. Okay. Wait, so, I got to go back to the plan... You don't want to deadname people, right? You can't deadname people. But Bruce Jenner is an athlete who existed. Yeah, I would say you're making a political statement there, even if you don't think you are, by going as both Bruce and Caitlyn. Now, I would say the biggest problem with that is, I think... Caitlyn Jenner is a real fucking piece of shit. That would be my number one issue with that. That is true. Hey, I didn't mean to hit anybody with my car, okay? That was an accident. I don't have good coordination. Yeah, right.

[23:00]Right. Okay. Yeah, you're a dickhead. I got a question, though. So, somebody's planning this, and the Olympics are, like, in August. Right. So, by the time November comes, isn't this going to be, like, nobody's going to remember the Olympics anymore? Yeah, for sure. So, it's going to be, like, way out of the left field that we're doing the Olympics? Yeah, but that part's out of my control. So, I'm just trying to think of, you know, I'm trying to think of what to do. I'm already working it through, and I had this idea, and I thought, this seems offensive, but I thought I should check with the most morally strong people I know, and you guys, I'm getting a very strong vibe. Plus, the other thing is, the other thing is, you went to a thing where they didn't know who Beavis and Butthead were. Yeah. To do the Jenner bit, that's going to be a tough sell. Okay. Right? I think you could go as Brian Boitano, because you clearly want to dress up. You're going to end up in spandex. I know. I would just go as Brian Boitano. That's the other problem, is, number one, I'm going to have to wear a wig. There's not that many bald Olympians. I mean, I could do Kurt Angle, right? Brian Boitano, for sure.

[24:00]Is Brian Boitano bald? I don't think they're thinking of Scott, the other guy. Scott Hamilton. Oh, the other announcer. Yeah, Brian Boitano had a nice head of hair. Shit. Oh, I like that. We could do Scott Hamilton and, like, Terrell Lucas. Hey, Rob, you're all for two tonight on stuff. You want to take a guess at another thing you don't know? Oh, yeah. Yeah, me being wrong is going to stop me from talking. Sure. See you there. But I do like it when I can out-offensive Rob. Like, even Rob was going to be like, Aaron, don't go there. What are you doing? So I appreciate that. Then I know. That's my barometer. Now, which one would you have been? Would you have been Caitlyn Jenner? Because that would be the real switch. Well, probably. I mean, that was what we talked about. Like, maybe that's what we should do. Because I'd have to wear a wig either way with that one. And you put her in some short shorts just like you want? Okay, you sicko. This is about dressing your wife up. I mean, she's a big joke in California, especially in California. She's a big joke in the Bay Area anyway, because she tried to take down Newsom, and that was a total joke. So there's, you know, there's like that angle. Aaron, if you want to go as the two beach volleyball champions, I got a Speedo I'll send you.

[25:00]It'll be perfect. Oh, my God. We spent a fair amount of time watching those champions. I remember watching. Missy May and Carrie Trainor or something? Yeah, we watched them. Carrie Walsh and Missy May Trainor. Carrie Walsh and, yeah. You guys should both go as Brandi Chastain with your bra. Or was that the one? That was the World Cup. That was the World Cup. But it's still a nice idea. 0 for 3, Rob. Keep going. All right, well. How about this? How about this? You know what I'm going to say. You're going as Dan and Dave. Everybody at the party is going to love it. It's going to be a great. I do like Dan and Dave. That's a good one. Oh, yeah. One guy had short brown hair, and the other guy had long brown hair. So that costume, you're set. Very different. Yeah, very different. Do you guys own any Dan and Dave shirts? I did. Nope. All right, well. Your family obviously didn't own a clothing store that you got all your clothes from in Illinois. As I previously discussed. So, Aaron, good luck with that. You're absolutely screwed. Of course, I would wear a fencing outfit, I think, with that thing over your face. Yeah, great. That's great. I do have a USA Olympic windbreaker

[26:02]if you want me to mail it to you. I will take that. I mailed. Yeah, I will take that. All right, let me get out of the corner. Thank you, guys. Thanks for your help. You seriously want the chain mail mask, too, or not? Only one thing's ever gotten through it, I promise. Oh, I would. Oh, God. He didn't notice there was a hole in it. Bong smoke. Oh, my God. He's pulling a... What's his name? That football... Oh, come on, Rob. You can do it. Who is the guy who wore the mask at the NFL draft? Jeremy Tunsil. No, he's like, Laramie Tunsil. Laramie Tunsil. You're going to pull a Laramie Tunsil? You're going to be wearing a bong mask and be like, listen, this was... I brought it with my friends. We made some jokes. It got out of control. I forgot what I was going to do. I'm now Laramie Tunsil. Noted non-Olympian. How about... What if I went as Caitlin Clark and Anna went as Brianna Stewart, but we do it like Tanya Harding style, where I'm chasing her around with a pipe the whole time? Tanya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan is a good idea.

[27:00]That's pretty good. That's not a bad idea. That one will be done for sure. Someone will do that for sure. If we become a Caitlin Clark pocket, I'm out. I can't. Sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up. I actually super do not want to talk about it. We're only going to Russell. How's it going with Russell? Things are going... How about Christian Laettner, member of the Dream Team? You could go with that as that... Was it a South African gentleman with no legs, Aaron? I heard he's had a great life. Oh, wow. Oscar Pistorius would be a great one. Yeah, Michael Thorpe. No, Michael Phelps. And then you could have as many drinks as you want at the party. It's not a big deal. You're in character. I wanted to go as that one Russian wrestler, and then Annika goes Rulon Gardner. But once again, that's a real niche joke. You'd have to chop off a part of her toe. Remember that? Remember that? Rulon Gardner won the gold medal. And by the way, if you look at how he won the gold medal, it was... It was the biggest bullshit gold medal win ever. It was a rule that existed in the Olympics for one year. Okay, this was on my TikTok, by the way. It was a rule that existed for one year. Rulon Gardner wins the gold medal, immediately goes out on a snowmobile, gets lost,

[28:00]gets a ton of his toes lopped off due to frostbite. So that would be a cool part of the Rulon Gardner costume. Deep cut, though. Literally. I mean, right? The deepest of cuts. Rolling going, I was going to say things are going good, but I may have made one of the bigger mistakes I have ever made in the last, I would say, I don't know, at least 11 months to a year, maybe a little longer than that. I don't know how it's been, but probably the biggest mistake I've made with the upstairs roommate. It occurred about a week ago. All right, Russell. Okay, so you guys know what? I was telling you guys a few weeks ago about... This is safe space, by the way. How I was, you know, a great uncle. I took my nieces and nephews out on a Saturday. The next day, we had a kind of a family day where myself, upstairs roommate, my brother, his family, my sister, her family, a bunch of my cousins, all the one side of the family, kind of our generation decided we're going to go to a Saints game for an afternoon. St. Paul Saints, minor league baseball for people that don't live here. But, you know, minor league baseball, Mac probably adds to this,

[29:01]but like minor league baseball is fun. It's kind of less stressful than going to a twins game. You're not working through like a 40,000 seat stadium. It's easier to get to your seats. There's no lines for something to eat. The kids have, kids got to go run on the field and everything afterwards. They got to run the bases. Super good time. It was a great time going to the Saints game, but I made a big mistake at this game and I wanted to see if you guys had any advice on how I should handle it or apologize for such a mistake. All right, let's get into the advice corner, Russell. It's time for Russell's Advice Corner. Oh yeah. There's going to be some pleading going on. So love it. So we're going, we decided we're going to the Saints game. We got about 20 people going. So the first thing I do it. That's a mistake right there already. I've already heading down a bad path and we're probably talking 60% adults, 40% kids. So adults are over fucked, but so I,

[30:01]I'm willing to take on the responsibility of getting the tickets. You know, as you guys know, I'm back into sports. So I'm good at getting tickets. So I get tickets. Here's the way I do it. Three rows from one to seven, one to seven, three rows in a row. So we've got, for our group, we're in three rows back to back to back. It's not one long rope because people can't talk to each other. If you're in one long, you got to go three rows, right? See, this is why you're in charge of tickets. Here's the other thing I do. I buy three extra tickets. So people just have a little more room. I figure we got a few kids running around. Why not? Why not just throw like another 75 bucks and just give us just a little more space, right? Russell, can I just say right now? Yeah. Whatever mistake you made must have been so bad. It's so heinous. It is pretty bad. Like, were you like caught doing something in the bathroom? Like whatever happened must be so bad. Because so far you are looking like an absolute rock star. You are looking like God's gift to earth right now.

[31:00]So I get the tickets. We're ready to go. I send the text out that morning. Hey, we're going to meet at the game. Game's at 2, like 2.10. We're going to meet at the stadium at 1.15. I've got the tickets. The problem is the tickets are not something that you can easily send to people. It's not like there's an app that you can text to people. Text them to the tickets come in like a PDF. So the only way I could get you the tickets is if I send you the whole PDF of all like 22 tickets. So not an easy way to just quickly send them to someone. So we get there and there's probably, you know, 16, 17 of us there and we're waiting on my cousin and her family to come, her and her husband and her kids. We're waiting a little bit and everyone else is there for the most part. And so finally, I'm just like, why don't I just scan you guys in? All you guys can go in. I'll just wait for them when they get here. We'll come in and we'll meet you over there, right? It seems like a reasonable thing to do, right? Yeah. So I go up and we start scanning people in one, two, three, probably scanning 16 of the 16 of like the 22 tickets.

[32:02]And when I'm up there, I kind of, well, can you, is there like a, can you check? Can you, is there any, you can go out and come back in, right? Like I can, I could go in and watch the game. When they get there, I can go back out the door. They're like, yeah, we'll, we'll stamp you. You can go right. All right, come back in. So I'm like, oh, perfect. I don't have to sit out here and wait. I can just go in. So everyone goes in and I go in last and we, we start walking through and you know, we walk through the stadium, we get to our seats, we sit down, my phone rings. It's the upstairs roommate. Oh, I pick up. She says, did you go in with everyone? Or are you still out here? The upstairs roommate was still waiting outside because she thought I was going to wait outside. You home alone there. I hope, I hope, I hope alone the upstairs roommate. Oh no. So you're inside. Now here's what I'm picturing. I'm in the seat, Rob. Huge beer. She's got a huge beer. She says, I made Russell's family disappear. I made Russell's family disappear.

[33:01]She's cheering out there. Yep. Wow. Russell. So, so I pick up the phone and I immediately, I kind of look around and I'm like, well, this is a mistake. And so I'm like, I'll be right there. I'll come and get you. I'll check right in. So I've got to like, and the whole time, which is, I think so. You're hearing, yes. I've done this a couple of times, Russell. You're, you're, you're going to be okay. But I've done similar things where I've like left for the weekend without saying goodbye. And so I started to call it like, did you leave already? Like you didn't even say goodbye or, you know, anything like that. So yeah, I've gotten in trouble myself. I need to learn. I need to hear more about this. Russell, what, let me ask you this. Did you, did you, you just leave here. Who cares? Aaron would never do this. They leave all the time without telling us. I don't see what the big deal is. Russell, what did you say when you picked up the phone? I'm going to judge you based on what were your first words to her? Did you say that you were inside sitting down?

[34:01]When I picked up, I didn't realize, I figured she maybe had stopped at the bar to get like, Hey, maybe I'll grab a drink. Maybe I'll grab some. I figured she just broke away from the group. Okay. In the stadium to get some. So what did she say to you? She goes, Hey, what's up? And she goes, did you go in the stadium? Okay. So right now I'm just, I'm just going to tell you right now, you hear that tone? You hear that tone that you're using right now? Yes. Red lights should be going off. This is red alert. You should be hitting the alarm. You should be manning battle stations. And whatever you want to say right away is the wrong thing to say. You should not say whatever you're about to say. Okay. What did you say to that Russell? When she said, did you already go out inside? I think I said, yeah, I think everyone went inside and I said, are you still outside? No, no. Okay. Russell, let's role play real quick. I'll be, I'll be you and you be your, your upstairs roommate. Okay. Ring, ring, pick up. Hey, what's up? Where are you? Oh, I'm, I'm inside. I think everybody came inside. So you went inside with all your, your,

[35:01]your cousins and their kids and your niece and nephews and brother and sister, but you forgot about me. No, no, no, no, no. I had to help. There was a lady right at the door. She had a walker. I had to open it. I had a letter and stuff spilled everywhere. I'm just picking it up, but I'm right on my way. I'm going to be there in like two minutes. You've told me about your thing with old ladies. I don't want to hear about these old ladies ever again. Oh, it's, it's, it's breaking up. No, no, no. We're not breaking up. Okay. Just ignore that. Russell, even when I was role playing, I screwed it up so bad. Oh, we're hopeless. We got no chance. So you go out there, you go out there and you tell her, listen, you got to pay attention to me. Okay. I'm Russell. You can't put this tiger in a cage. I don't know. It feels like, Oh, one of the kids broke their leg and I was trying to help them out or something. Or, you know, like there was a, it was like a lost puppy. I had to take care of anything. Meanwhile, he's got a huge mustard stain on his shirt. Just onions everywhere. I'm like three broads deep, a couple of beers. I've got like a bag of mini donuts in my back pocket.

[36:01]Just in case empty your pocket. Yep. I knew it. Hot dog foil, three hot dog foils in there. But so I mean, I tried to like, this is where me being like a logical person doesn't help. And I was like, I was trying to make sure everyone got in and then let's say it's like, cause I'm thinking like nieces and nephews. I want to make sure like there's not a, we don't lose one of them. And then I, and then I left a very important person. That's true. It is her fault. Why wasn't she keeping it? I get it. Russell, there's kids and all stuff like that. I'm outside and you're inside Russell. What's going on in here? Okay. I agree with that impression. How long did it take her to, you know, like, like how long before things got back to, to normal? Like how, how long before everybody was having a good time? Everything was fine. Aaron, I don't know if they are. Russell, Russell, they're leaving and Russell goes, Hey, sorry about that. He gets in his car and drives home and realizes she's not in the

[37:01]passenger seat. Oh shit. Not again. I think I, sometimes I get in like to be in the good uncle zone and then I, and then I, I fail in other areas of life. And I think that's what happened this last week. Listen, you know, you did say last week, you know, somebody asked, how do you guys know when you're taking on too much or whatever? Russell, you did say you started forgetting things. That's it. That's right. And you forgot, you forgot your thing up front. I'll tell you what though. I think Russell, when you are in charge like that and you're just being the biggest baller and you're trying to help each other out, there's gotta be some forgiveness going around. So just simply explain that and say, Hey, listen, relax. Remember Russell, two words, a great marriage, relax, relax. Don't worry about it. Okay. I will. What did the game? It's especially say, Rob told me to tell you relaxed. I talked it over with Rob and he said, relax. That seems like the number one thing to say. We got to leave my name out of things for just a little bit.

[38:00]And so I, I didn't redeem myself. Do you have a story to tell us? No, no, no trouble. Rob. Okay. Things are fine here. They're just fine. We're doing fine. Linking Morse code. He's saying divorce divorce, but I don't think he's good at Morse code. I think that's a Morse code issue. He helped the Boris. I don't even know what that means. Well, why don't we divorce from this part of the advice corner? Matt, how's it going? Rolling? How's it going with you? You know what? We're double hopping out. We're hopping out twice to the advice. Russell. Once again, we are always happy to give you advice. Hey, Rob, I two fingers. Salute you. Oh, wow. You know what, Matt? My two fingers slue you. Oh, wow. You know what? Matt, Matt, before we get to you, I was, I'm about to make a major change in life. I want to see what you guys think of this. All right. By the way, yes, I'm excited. One of these announcements we've all been for. Oh, damn.

[39:00]I need some wedding music. Okay. I'm thinking about doing a two finger. So like, to every person I walked by, go like going, wow. Like I want a two figure salute, like 200 people a day. What do you think? It's better than, so I don't know. Why? Like Rob, like Rob, I walked by you in the, in the baseball. Card store. And you're looking at cards and they give you the, I give you the two finger. Is there no hellos though? So if somebody comes up to you and says, hello, and you just go like, I two finger salute. Wow. That means that everyone, you two finger salute is two finger saluting with everyone else. You have two fingers salute. Wow. Yes. Your two finger salute brothers. Yes. In theory, it could get all the way back to be like a full smell. My two finger salute. Oh, listen, no, man. What else to go with you? No, you know what I recommend Russell? You just start doing what I started doing. You just start calling as many people boss as you possibly can. Oh yeah. Thanks boss. It feels, everybody loves it. They love getting called boss. It's a great thing. Somebody gives you a slice of pizza. Okay. Thanks boss. Rob.

[40:00]I agree. How do you feel when people call you big guy? Oh, wow. I mean, that's just part of the territory. You know, the sky is blue. Grass is green. People are going to call me big guy. That's like at my gym. They started calling me big Rob. But if you've got a world record, if you get a world record holder, squat, 800 pounds, whatever it is, your squad, you can, they can call you big Rob. I think that's warranted. No, I did not let them. And they call me, I tried to get the nickname, sad, Rob started going around the gym. I was like, call me sad, Rob. I was going to get to put on my weight belt, like sad Rob. But then I would say that as a joke and people would get sad. And I'd be like, oh, well, no, I'm actually, I'm actually the least sad person. You know, my life has been very easy. So Matt rolling, going, how's it going with you? Good. You know, I think we can all agree that we've got some turbulent times in the country. Oh my God. Left side, the right side. Finally. Yeah. Let's, let's get into this. Let's get into this.

[41:00]And somebody, somebody is attempting to bring both sides together. Wow. Finally. Is it little Caesars? There's great people on both sides. There, there, there, there can be great people on both sides. There's also bad people on both sides or delusional people, however you want to say it. I can't wait to see where this is going. Yep. And we've, we've brought up this person already on the podcast a number of times this week. The big bopper, baby. Nope. This person is trying to unite the country. Yeah. On a common goal. Okay. Of, of bringing, having a beer together with, with each other. Okay. Wow. Russell, Russell, buddy, Russell's buddy, Hulk Hogan is launching his own line of beer, which is meant to bring the country together. Wow. And I can't think of a dumber thing than I've ever heard. I've never heard that in my life. Why? That Hulk Hogan, Huck and beer. Huck and beer. He's, he's now schlepping beer to bring the country together. He's got, he's going to be in 17 states, including, he's coming to south St.

[42:00]Paul of all cities. Is that tomorrow? Or four weeks ago? The 18th. The 18th. I think, what is that? Does that be Tuesday? Four days. Yeah. He's coming to a town on a Tuesday to schlep beer. God, he must be bored as hell. Okay. Right. Wow. So is nature a regional product? You can't bring the whole country together. Because you should drink beer. You should drink the beer that's made close to you. That's how. You should. And each region has different likes and takes and takes on their beer and things like that. And so. I don't know. What's your guys thoughts? They're going to vote on my side of the aisle, Aaron. That's fine. I would happily come to your side of the aisle and drink a beer in your neighborhood. That's me. Aaron, I only, I only drink Heineken's. But that's fine too. I actually like Heineken. Oh, okay. I do. You guys think he was. I don't know. I don't know. He would, he would send the gawker page of my magazine if I go to buy some beer or not. Yeah, I think for sure. I want, you know what, Russell, I would want, I do want to know the, but again, I want to know the line, the size of the line for this, you know, for him selling his beer, because I'm going to go with, there's probably 25% of the people that will actually buy his beer. And the other 75 are there just for the old Hulkamania stuff, because,

[43:00]you know, I'm going to go with, there's probably 25% of the people that will actually buy his beer. And the other 75 are there just for the old Hulkamania stuff. Because, you know, he was awesome as a wrestler, right? Back in the eighties and nineties, things like that. But is this, is this the Snoop Dogg selling Skechers? I think, you know, I, I seem to find these things. It feels like a Snoop Dogg selling Skechers kind of routine. I can almost guarantee that if you go to this Hulk Hogan selling beer event, where first of all, he like pours out and he's like, look at this brother and matches my skin tone, brother. And he's like, well, you know what, I'm going to buy you a beer. I'm going to buy you a beer. I'm going to buy you a beer. I'm going to buy you a beer. I'm going to buy you a beer. I'm going to buy you a beer. I'm going to buy you a beer. I'm going to buy you a beer. I'm going to buy you a beer. I'm going to buy you a beer. I'm going to buy you a beer. I'm going to buy you a beer. I'm going to buy you a beer. I'm going to buy you a beer. I'm going to buy you a beer. I'm going to buy you a beer. I'm going to buy you a beer. I'm going to buy you a beer. I'm going to buy you a beer. I'm going to buy you a beer. I'm going to buy you a beer. I'm going to buy you a beer. I'm going to buy you a beer. I'm going to buy you a beer. I'm going to buy you a beer.

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