Fiona Apple: The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than the Driver of the Screw and Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do (2012)

[0:00]In 2020, four friends decided to listen to every one of the greatest 500 albums as decided by Rolling Stone Magazine. This results in a text chain that celebrated the music, excoriated the order, and led us to making this podcast. We are far from experts. We promise to do almost no research. All opinions are our own, unless you disagree. Please sit back and enjoy Beck Did It Better. We are all the way up to album 213, okay? And from 2012, oh, I didn't screw up any one of those. Oh, it's Fiona Apple. You screwed us up with the 213? What's up with the 213, Aaron? It's Nate Dogg. Isn't that Long Beach area code? Hmm. You know what? I heard a story about Nate Dogg, and I could not believe that was happening in my own town. Hey, I once knew a trick named Annie Mae. You guys? Trick? Annie Mae? Anyone? Annie Mae.

[1:00]Honestly, when the tricks have two names, like, I don't know, if you're learning their surname, I think you've gone past the tricking stage with them. I feel like you've actually made a real relationship with them. You've got a real thing going on. It reminds me, speaking of hiring sex workers, we are heading out to Vegas soon, okay? Do not tell our wives. Rob, are we doing the pull of the credit? For everyone, is that what we're doing? Yeah, we put all the credit cards in. We put all the credit cards in the middle. And then we find a sex worker that takes credit cards. And then we're set. Hey, what? You don't take American Express? What is this? This is crazy. I need to get my points. I got to get... The fees are too high. I need to take this Delta card. See, that's the dumbest thing. The fees are too high. Well, fucking charge me more. I need to get my points. Right, I'll pay the fee. You already got me by the balls here. Matt, when we're flying back to Minneapolis and I get upgraded, you're going to know it was because of all the points. All the points I got paying for your guys' sex workers this time.

[2:00]Russ, do you think... All the flying I've done this year, do you think that I'm going to go out to Vegas and not fly first class When I'm using all the points? Wow. There and back, first class. Fuck it. I'm going first class. I upgraded, man. I paid. I was flying out to Vail, and I had to do a flight to Denver and then to Eagle. And on my flight from Minneapolis to Denver, I paid and upgraded to sit first class. How much was it? Points? Well, I just paid the extra $115 because I had a short layover. It was like 40 minutes, and I didn't want the stress of being in the back of the plane and running through the airport. And it was fantastic. I got to go to Indianapolis in like two weeks, and it was like 4,900 points to upgrade to first class. You're goddamn right I went to first class with 4,900 points. Goddamn right. They walk around, Matt, they've got those snacks. You can just pick out whatever snack you want. I'm not restricted just to the stupid cookie or the... Or the pretzel. Give me the bag of chips or that bag of...

[3:00]Well, all the little people are still filing in, right? Because you already sit down watching a movie. They're giving you a drink already. You get one drink in before... Why are the points so many points? Aaron's fanny pack is bumping the chair on the way back through the aisle. You think the points are like Zimbabwe dollars where at some point they just cut a couple of zeros off? Why couldn't it be 49 points? Why is it 4,900 points? Because it sounds so... I have 80,000 points. It sounds so baller. Have you guys ever wanted to become... Like one of those credit card points people where it's like, Okay, I do this and I shift them all over this. I got into it like eight years ago because there was a scam. There was something called like Bluebird, right? So you could... Like CVS, that's what it was. You'd go to CVS, you'd buy gift cards. You would then... Pull them on to Bluebird or something like that. And then you'd pay it off. And all it was, the only thing you were out was the 495 for the gift card. And so I had a buddy, Eric from Eden Prairie. He's actually from Richfield, but lives in Eden Prairie now.

[4:00]And he was just... He was up to like 800,000 points by just every month. He was buying like... I think it was like a max of like 4,000 bucks or something. It was massive. And he was out like 40 bucks kind of a thing. So it was... He had a system. I respect the hustle. I respect the grind. There's no way I could do that. I would so lose. I would like buy those. And then I'd put... I'd be like, well, I'll just put the gift cards on top of my car. And I'm not going to forget about... I'm up here when I drive away. And I'd be like, what is this behind me? Is it snow? Oh, no. I'm out $40,000. I haven't explained to my wife. Well, this gets us points, but because I'm a teacher, We can never use any of the hotel rooms during normal holidays. Okay. And this is actually because I also don't book anything. This is actually going to be more work for you to figure out these points. But I am buying gift cards like crazy. Rob, can't you just take your quote-unquote dog to the vet on a Friday and Monday And have an extended weekend? Wow. Go to one of those fancy hotels? A dog's got a procedure.

[5:00]Yes. No one even questions it anymore. Nobody does. No. Nobody. I think I could say I'm taking a mental health day. And they would be like, yeah, I believe it. I would say that. Can you imagine if my dog's got a procedure Friday? No one's going to give you a hard time about that. No. Make sure your dog's okay. No. All that woke shit out the window. Everybody's working. Aaron, we are not bringing this up. This is a safe space for people who don't want to think about things. Nose to the grindstone, plebes. That's it. The leaves. Aaron, we're trying to bake it so people don't have to think about hard things in their life, okay? Instead, they're thinking about me trying to take my wife to one of the many delicious Darden restaurants Because I have $1,000 of gift cards. Hey. Hey, fill up on those breadsticks. Did we talk about gift cards last year, about Pizzaluce gift cards? No. Tell me about Pizzaluce gift cards. So we go to Pizzaluce all the time. We were there last night. Yes. Last night. There's one in Richfield. Russell where it is.

[6:00]It's between Ray Drive and Lindale on 66. It used to be at Bridgman's. Oh, God. I was taking a drink of water. Richfield Lake. Yep. Just off there. Right by the... Maybe the site of the former Bridgman's, right? Bridgman's. Yeah. Yep. Bridgman's right next to the post office there. Home of the world's famous Lollapalooza. Go to the essay. Do I have a button for my childhood saying I finished a Lollapalooza? I might have. God damn right I do. I've finished a couple. We used to go there after lunch. After like band concerts and stuff. That was the... We would get a Lollapalooza. Can you imagine eating a Lollapalooza now? What that would do to your body? I'm not familiar. I didn't grow up there. What is a Lollapalooza? 10 scoop ice cream sundae. It's got all the toppings on it. So it's like... Like a fishbowl drink. It's probably like in a fishbowl type. Oh, yeah. So just to show how old I am, I typed in Lollapalooza into Google and it gave me the stupid concert Series. That's obviously that one. Are you ready? Ready? Here we go. Oh, that looks...

[7:00]There you go. There. That's a good one right there. That looks... Yeah. My grandpa brought me and my brother. We all ordered one and my grandpa was... He was the only one to finish it and it was like the moment where I was like, damn, my Grandpa is a man. I was like, he made that whole damn thing. Oh, he's such a man. He sticks himself with all these needles later full of insulin to really help out. True man. So quickly, every year, all these places have these events, right? They're like... You know, buy a $100 gift card, you get $25 free or whatever like that. So we go there. We just bought $1,000 worth of gift cards. We didn't give them to anybody to get $1,250 and we ran out like a week and a half ago. Oh, my God. How stressful is it holding $1,000 of gift cards? Sarah does it. I don't do it. I give that to Sarah. She's in charge of this. All my money is tied up in gift cards. I'm never in liquid right now. There's a 100% chance I would put those gift cards into my closet. I would throw away my clothes and then put my clothes into garbage bags and go up to see Russell.

[8:00]Be like, wait a minute. Why do you throw away my clothes into garbage bags? Oh, no. Wait, what? Why do you throw away my clothes into garbage bags, you idiot? Rob, some of us have moved past that incident. Meanwhile, Russell is buying like $600 backpacks. His girlfriend has a garbage bag for a suitcase. Oh, my God. We have Fiona Apple. With the idler wheel is wiser than the driver of the screw and the whipping cords will serve you more than the ropes will ever do. And you know what? That is actually that title is from a line of her poetry that she wrote. Right. Which reminds me that I have an album coming out and it's named there once was a man named Val Venus. He said, Rob, you have such a. All right, let's get small penis. Don't spoil the rest of the. You'll never guess what planet we visit together. Listen, I don't have any. No, no parody song today. So we are going to get. Right. Now, what do we do after the parody song? This always confuses me when I don't have a parody song.

[9:00]Who are these guys we're on the phone with? Listen, this is Beck did it better. I got three guys here who want to talk about. Imagine being Val Venus. So, like, he's the porn star pro wrestler. So he has to live through life being known as the porn star, but he never actually got to have sex on camera or anything. Not as far as I know. Right. You have all the negative aspects or the when people maybe look down on that type of profession, but he never going to have any. Like, the only thing he was doing was like a splash on the dudes in the ring. Like, that's it. You don't think Val Venus was getting insane amounts of time in every city of the United States? You think so? Yes. Let me just say, let me bring it down real quick. Russell, we need a shout out to Lori for me and Prairie will say. So Sarah for me and Prairie, her aunt Lori passed away this past week. Huge wrestling fan. And Sarah so I was saying, so Sarah said. I understand all of the wrestling talk because my aunt Lori loved it, followed it and loved it.

[10:00]So all the wrestling talk, it's not just for the guys. It's not just from John for me dying. Sarah from Eden Prairie also loves the wrestling talk. Pause real quick. Pause real quick. Aaron, bring that cup up to the camera. What did you just drink out of there? I got to see this. You guys never seen this before? What is this? It's a green clay shot glass. Aaron, what kind of weird shit? Aaron, stop. Stop saying that to us. Stop saying that to us. What are you drinking? I drink out of this all the time. It's a little ceramic cup. We have here. Well, let me get the other one. Hang on. We got like his and hers. It's crazy. The cup is the size. It's a shot glass. We each have a little one and then like mine's a little bigger and Anna's a little bit smaller. And it's usually like when we have our little nightcap with mezcal or tequila or whatever. That's what we drink out of. So that's what I was like. It's his or her shot glasses. Yeah. I was like, I'm going to go get a drink. And that's what, and Anna's gone. Spoiler alert. I'm home alone this week. Wow. And. Kevin. And. Wait, no, no. What? I'm babysitting.

[11:00]As Matt knows. You're babysitting your kid. Yeah. I'm babysitting my kid this weekend. You're a hero. Yep. Yeah. I saw a guy today wearing a hat that said, I'm on dad duty. And I was like, don't, dude, don't wear that hat. Like, no one, don't. Come on, man. Wow. At the end, he, at the end, you see him take out a crack pipe and he looks around and he Takes off the hat. He's like, not on dad duty. No. Listen. Okay. I've got three guys here who will not say Fiona Apple's last name, holding their tongue. That'd be crazy. It's good. It's a good job. Thank you. I've got Russell in Vail, Colorado. Russell, how are you doing? Rob? I just want to feel everything. Wow. Yes. I've got Matt in Minneapolis. Matt, how are you doing? Good, Rob. My old man was born to rock. He's still trying to beat the clock. That's just sweet. I got a special treat for you next week. Matt's giving away. Matt's giving away his take. I've got Aaron in California. Aaron, how are you doing today? Oh, wait a minute.

[12:00]Wait a minute. No, that's not what I said. Aaron was telling me earlier before we started. He said I know somebody bought the Nintendo Power Glove and then jacked off with It. They probably felt like they were getting jacked off from the future. You know what I mean? Like, boop, beep, boop. If you push the buttons, is that doing it? Is that like strengthening the grip or something? I'm on water world. Ugh. I'm helping. Yeah. Before I say anything about the upcoming episode, I just want to hearken back for a moment. I just want to let people know all tequila is mezcal, but not all mezcal is tequila. And I may need a chaperone. Let's talk about Fiona. Wow. Wow. That's unbelievable. Let's get right into the voicemail. The freak's on the phone. Where is my voicemail? Oh, that's why. I wasn't even on the right thing. Okay. The freak's on the phone. You guys don't have any other jokes about jacking off with the Power Glove? I was always worried if I bought the Power Glove, I knew it was going to be too small for My hands.

[13:00]There's no way it was one size fits all, right? I knew it was going to be too small for my dick. That's why I didn't jack off with it. There was this person that was telling jokes the other day that I was around, and they Were talking that when they go to a hotel, they like to wrap themselves in the sheer Curtain of a hotel room and do the deed. Oh, what? That's brilliant, actually. I bet that feels great. It's like you're in a huge panty. Oh, my God. That's so good. I'm stuck in a huge panty, and I'm doing it, and you come in. You got the Power Glove on. I'm sorry. Wait. Someone said that to you at a work event? Yeah, we better just move it on. Yeah. It was Fred Savage, and he was like, you'll never guess what I have to say about the Power Glove. It feels like they were like, hey, I don't know what you like to do at this event when You go back to your room, but what I like to do is sheer curtain. Now, listen. Today's voicemail message is, in fact, a TikTok that somebody sent to us, and because you Guys can't see it. What the hell? They're now just sending it. I should start doing this. This is a TikTok about a woman talking about what it's like to be dating in the current

[14:00]World right now. I'm with this guy on Hinge for a while. Interesting site. We had plans. We had, like, comfy plans to meet up on a Sunday, and we were, like, chatting on a Saturday. He sent me a photo of his cat on a chair and said, oh, she's got, like, the fanciest, bougiest Taste. And I was like, why? Because she's like. I'm sitting on a chair and not on the floor. He was like, that's an Ames chair. What's an Ames chair? I Googled it. And then I realized that I didn't want to go out with him. So I told him, I'm sorry I'm not interested, and I canceled our plans. I've not talked to him since. So, Aaron, I know if you are thinking about, I don't know how else to say it, splitting Up with your other wife to try to get some strange, okay? I just want to tell you. Right now, it doesn't seem like this is a world that's ready for Aaron's life right Now. Do you think that if Aaron's wife split up with him, that he would have the Ames chair?

[15:00]She's taking him for everything that he's got. Probably half the record collection, too. Oh, my God. And Matt, what would your wife take from you in the divorce, do you think? Oh everything but my little blue truck. I'd be driving my little blue truck, and that'd be about it. Maybe my baseball gloves. You can split the inflatables 50-50. We got seven new ones yesterday, Russell. Seven new inflatables? Well, Menards, we're losing them pretty quick because they wear out fairly easy, but they Have a sale, so $12. You know what? Next year, when they start making them in America, it's going to be different. You just wait. Oh, my God. Stop doing it. There's American-made inflatables? Oh, life's going to be so much better. Oh, my God. Or they're not going to be $12. They're going to be $12. They're going to be $12. They're going to be $12. They're going to be $12. They're going to be $12. They're going to be $12. They're going to be $78 because of the tariffs. $27. Either way.

[16:00]Either way, we win. Yeah. I'm pretty sure that what my wife would take from me... First of all, I know exactly what I would take. If I split up for my wife, the first thing I would get is I would take that bench press Squat rack that's out of the living room. I'd be like, this is the one thing I need. Oh, she'd be so mad. She would be so mad. She would love to take that one because isn't she... She's trying to buy a new like... Oh, my God. You're right. She's trying to buy it. $15,000 one, right? She's trying to buy a new one. She would happily give you that one. Yeah. Because the pad is squishier. I'm not spending $10,000 for a squishier pad. I ate my life. Is she thinking a lot about the bench lately or has she got other stuff in mind? Oh, my God. Aaron, next week... I don't know how we're going to schedule a recording next week, but next week, she is Not only running a powerlifting meet, you'll never guess who's also lifted in it. Oh, you can't run your own meet. Oh, no. That's a bad idea. She cannot run her own meet, so you know who's going to be running it is me, the guy who's Also supposed to be announcing it. It's going to be terrible. Oh, my God. And then she's like, well, I'm not going to award myself. I'm going to award myself best lifter if I win it. That's like her conception. I did want to say you're right, because if we...

[17:00]Anna would definitely take the Eames chair and leave me the cat if it were up to her. That's what would happen. So I would have a cat with no Eames chair to sit on. But I also want to say that in my house, if the cat sits on the Eames chair, that is a Five-alarm fire, because that thing... The cat is not declawed. And if the cat scratches the chair, we're going to have problems. So there's no taking pictures if the cat sits in there. It's like, we got to get this cat the fuck out of the chair. Aaron's mad about the video. Is this a new cat, or is this one of the ones that just started randomly coming into your House? It's the one who just hangs out. No, it's considered your cat. Yeah. Aaron, at least we know you have animal controls number when you had to put that neighbor's Dog down when it bit you, right? I almost ran that dog over the other day on accident. Oh, no. Man, Susan was... Would have been an accident. Nobody would have believed that it was an accident. Susan and Coco are... I swear, officer. I didn't see it. I didn't see it coming. Things are getting bad. I thought I had tied that leash under my bumper so well. I can't believe it got away.

[18:00]That's crazy. It's, it's, it's, it's time to see what everybody's up to. It's time for Rollin' Gold. My wife says she did split up with me. She would take the wax hands of my fingers I made. I'm going like this. She's like, that's coming with me. Rob was making some sort of what appeared to be an inappropriate hand gesture. The fact that everybody... Everybody knows what that hand gesture is. And even the listeners at home know what hand gesture I did. Just shows you how sick guys are. That we all know what I did. Is wax actually the preferred... You know what's even worse? Is that there's... It gets too hot. Melt. Some golf company makes a golf glove. Yeah. That's just that. And it's got two pink fingers. No. Oh, they put the color on the fingers. Put the finger on the golf glove. Whoa. That's how... So that's the guy, like, if you show up, like, oh, this is a friend of a friend and they're like, oh, this is a friend of a friend. And the guys were like, that's definitely the guy you do not want to be. The friend of the friend is always the guy with the shocker glove. I pulled a calf.

[19:00]Oh, man. I don't know if I could take it. Oh, I gotta go. Yeah. I actually gotta go ice this thing. Let me ask you this. You get a chance for free to get a silicone copy of your own dong. You getting that? What? Why? Okay. What about if it's a silicone copy of somebody's dong you'd know? Hang on. Here's another question. How expensive is it actually to, like, you say free as though, like, well, the cost is $20. I don't want anybody from doing this otherwise. Mold my penis in silicone. It feels like it shouldn't be that expensive. Purple legs. Okay. Guess what? We're going back to Amazon, folks. I need an Amazon stinger. We're going back. Clone a willy. We're clicking on clone a willy. This is silicone penis casting kit. Okay. $32. Add to cart. Let's go. Add it to cart. I've already put it in the cart. Hey, guys, $32. I can push this button right here and it's going to come to me. I'd put it right next to me. Next to my Han Solo carbonite guy, right? Okay. I actually got to take this out of the cart because my kids use this account

[20:00]Too. And if they see this, they'll never stop taking a shower. What? Oh, your mom ordered it. Okay. Let's go back though to clone a willy. Let's see what it says real quick. I got it. I got to just read a review. 2.8. It's only got a 2.8. So first of all, it's only 11 by 3 inches. So that's not going to work. That's not going to work for me for a number of reasons. Easy to use. If you can mix, you can cast. It makes a homemade version of your favorite member. That's sure to bring endless pleasure. Okay. Go to the ratings. Got to go to the ratings. Okay. First of all, look at this picture right here. Mix, insert. The picture they ever insert, there is nothing left to the memory. And then you can get different skin tones. Okay. And there is one that's, I would describe it as dark brown. So that's perfect. I don't see a gray. I do see a green. That's pretty close. They got rid of the Roethlisberger option. Country Lord in China.

[21:00]This is $32. Buy it now because in a year, it's going to be $132. Can you imagine the tariffs on a clone of Willie? Yep. Well what? They'll China will pay for that. China is paying for my clone of Willie. That's great. Okay. So first of all, if you're, if you're this guy, let me just ask you this. If you're this guy, are you taking a picture and send it to Amazon? That is so short. That's not even funny. Short. That is so short. My penis is short and this guy. Okay. How do they allow this? He wrote not just a novelty and then shows one of the shortest penises I've ever seen On a website ever. He made his penis and it's so short and he's showing it off. This is a sicko. That's a straight up pervert. Oh, this first guy. No, wait a minute. This guy. That's crazy. How big that is. Okay. Let's all on the text chain, do a credit card type party. Key chain, key, a car, a key party where we all do the clone of Willie and then we all Put them all in a room and we have to try to guess whose is whose just from the clone Of Willie. You know what I mean? Aaron might have to get like two sets to have enough product to cover that

[22:00]Carving knife. That's what I'm going to start calling my penis. All right. Listen, rolling going. Let's get into rolling gone. As you guys know, I did do a soundbite during this. Don't we? Yeah. I think Russell and Matt have great rolling guns. No, I'm doing mine first. I did. Oh, you want to go? Oh yeah. I did my standup comedy and we're going to listen to, well, let's say half of it right Now. It's six minutes long. So let's hit the whole thing. Okay. So I have a friend who is a drag queen and she was putting on a talent show. Now, the way you win the talent show is that you, people who bought drinks can give, Get a ticket for each drink and then they have to give the tickets to who they think Wins. Now, spoiler alert. I didn't win a spoiler. Spoiler alert number two, I didn't get a ticket from a single person who wasn't there to see Me. Nobody gave me a ticket. Well, what one, what kind of talent one? The guy dancing did. Oh, I don't know. It was not just a stand. Okay. So it was like any talent.

[23:00]So there were dancers. There were multiple guys who took off their clothes and got down to a thong. There was a singer who took off his pants and got down to his thong. There was a guy who I've seen stripped before his pants stayed on. I told him later, I said, your pants staying on blew my mind. He goes, yeah, I had a thong underneath, but so many other people have done it. So I do reference that in my book. There were multiple guys who took off their clothes And got down to a thong. There was a singer who took off his pants And got down to his thong. There was a guy who I've seen stripped before. His pants stayed on. I told him later, I said, Your pants staying on blew my mind. He goes, yeah, I had a thong underneath, But so many other people have done it. So I do reference that in my bit. Well, maybe you should have, yeah. Right, you own it. Rip your pants off and put your thong in. So I go in, hey, well, Jenny was, Jenny did say, she goes, I thought your pants were coming off for sure. I was like, what are you talking about? Oh, I am 44 years old. I almost said 38. Everybody else is doing it. Yeah, maybe I should have. I don't think it would have gotten as many cheers. It would have been like, yeah. Did you just hand it out? Your penis cast everyone. That's true. Victory. That's a winner. Victory. Oh my God. Now, so I go in, they draw order. Okay.

[24:00]I get almost like second to the last, But the person going ahead of me Is also a standup comic who won the week before. I don't know why they're bad. It's tough competition. The standup comic goes. So we go through the dances. We go through a singer. The standup comic ahead of me goes. Does a bit about how desperate housewives Would make for good monologues. And then does like a five minute desperate housewives bit. Was it funny? Bombs. Totally bombs. Everybody's chatting. They're talking while they're telling jokes. And I was like, and there's probably, You know, 50 people in this room. All of them are just there to see their friends. So I was just like, oh my God, They're not gonna see attention to me. Isn't that kind of a dated reference At this point, desperate housewives? I don't know. What was the last episode? At a drag show, that's not the worst way to go. You know, it's a pretty good audience For that kind of stuff. But I was like, oh, and then the comic that went up earlier Went past his five minutes And guess what they started doing?

[25:00]Playing music. They played them off. So I was like, yeah, you gotta keep it fair. I was like, I cannot be long. Cause once they started playing them off, You're like, oh, this guy's bombing. Even though he was just trying to wrap up his last joke. So here we go. Okay, how are we gonna do this? Do you guys just want to tell me? You tell me when to pause, I guess. My friend Rob is an ally. Rob is a straight man. Oh, and I realized at that point too That this was a queer space. So here all of a sudden I was telling all these jokes About my wife and I'm in this. Your jokes are queer safe. You would never cross the line about that. No, but it was, I was like, Oh, this isn't really a space for me right away. So I should have like, But I did kind of want to win too. I was like, what if I win at a drag show? This is going to be crazy. Okay, here we go. His wife is here to support him. And now he's going to surprise us. He's also a teacher. Oh, why? Well, they definitely wanted you to play hide for teacher And take your pants off. Oh my God, for sure. That's what you realized. I just want to lose enough weight To cheat on my wife. Woo!

[26:00]All right, so right away you hear somebody say, Oh shit. Now I have to say Russell said to me, The joke is it's just, And he said you have to pause. And I did my teacher thing where I, You can hear it there. I made everybody be quiet while I was starting. I did my teacher look. I did my teacher voice. All eyes on me, you're saying. All eyes on me. All eyes on me. One, two, three eyes on me. I'm about to drop a joke on you about my wife. Now I have to say guys, I did cut out my orgy bit. Okay, I did cut out a couple other jokes That Russ heard on the practice zoom That I did the night before. All right, but what do you think guys? Opener it's a killer, right? We've talked about that opener before. It's a good opener. It's a great opener. And then you let it breathe Because then everybody You could tell about four seconds later Then people started getting And that loud guy laughing together. They're going to get this one About cheating on my wife on the car right home. I went to the doctor and I said, Can you give me some ozepic? And he goes, yeah. He goes, why do you want it? I said, well it's my health And it's my blood pressure.

[27:00]But the real thing is, Hold on. I got. Is that Jenny shushing? No, it's actually the person running the, It's actually the person running the drag show. I wish you hadn't heard that so long. No, she wasn't listening. She think it's like I have a 13 year old daughter. No, that she was. Also, and it's my blood pressure. But the real thing is, And this is serious, I got two kids, I got a 13 year old daughter and a 15 year old daughter. And you know, I just want to see them grow up And I want to dance with them at their wedding. I thought that sounded so much better Than saying I, I want to get skinny enough to get those comb gutters And then fuck somebody with candies I haven't seen a thousand times before. Yeah, just seem like a better. I see more panties, New panties on the stage tonight Than I have in the last three years. My best joke is one I didn't even write. It's one I just came up with on the whole. That's great. Yeah I'd be able to be flexible and riff. I was trying to figure out How you're fucking someone with panties. And then I was like, oh, it's the, yeah.

[28:00]Yeah, it's a little something somebody has taught me. Rob, could you imagine Aaron's at the back Of your stand? Like he's at the comedy cell Or at the back is like, wait, How is he able to fuck someone with the panties? That's me. That's what I was listening to was like, that's a new move. I mean, my wife and I, My wife and I, we've been married 20 years this year. It hasn't been easy for her. We've been married so long That I get suspicious when she shaves her cubes. When I, when I'm in the bathroom And I see like the five pink razors lined up In the back of the shower, And when I get in the shower And it still feels like I'm stepping on the bath mat, I'm like, I'm like Sherlock Holmes In the case of the missing muff. I'm like, where did that come from? She's on the public scratching herself For the next three days. I'm like, one more question. No, but the doctor said- Okay, so my Columbo bit did not go over as well As I wanted to. That was Columbo. I didn't realize that.

[29:00]Well, yeah, one more question. That's the thing is I got to think of, I was trying to think of other famous detectives That would be investigating pubic air. Yeah, Columbo's very timely. Very timely Columbo bit. I take back my comment about desperate housewives being out of date. I was going to say Inspector Clousell, But I didn't know if anybody there was a panther fan. You know, the thing with weight loss is that It's not a long-term thing that you've got to think short-term. So my short-term goals, I want to lose enough weight to become a swinger. Woo! I heard a lot of not cheers there when I said that. And I think I could be a swinger now, But I think the quality of people That would be willing to swap with me Would be insulting to my wife. I think one of the worst things would be If I'm sitting at the end of the bed, The best view, just an asshole in balls, And as some guy looking just like me, Just railing my wife. That would be so depressing, right? I'd be sitting there and I'd be like, Wow, this guy is overweight, he's got dark curly hair.

[30:00]He's really giving it to her. She loves it. She's way into it. And maybe that's because this guy is her type, And maybe it's because she actually loves me for who I am. Instead of spending all this time being a swinger, I should have just been being nice to her And giving her gifts and buying her flowers. You know, it makes me think that the world Is such a big place, And when I find somebody who, We have that connection, Why that's really something special. And that really makes it hard to jack off While I sit here and watch this. I think that he knowed a good marriage is communication. I tell him. So I'll tell you, that is a joke Where I told her to Jenny the first time, She goes, I hate this joke. And I was like, there's something here. There's something here in this joke Where it's a guy trying to jack off, But the guy looks too much like him. I think I found it a little bit. Well, I'm curious. So my exposure to comedy right now Is mostly YouTube and Instagram, And it like stuff. Tony Hinchcliffe, you like? Yeah, Tony Hinchcliffe.

[31:00]Anything from the MSG what I mean? Like YouTube stuff, yeah. All that stuff. And it's often bleeped out or it's like pretty tame. Your stuff, Rob, is the bluest, dirtiest comedy I've heard in a long time. Thank you. And I know that, like I know many of these jokes Because we've talked about them, But like, did you know you were working dirtier Than other people, or is this common? Like, where do you stand on the rankings? No, I knew right away. That's why I was like, I have to say nice things About my kids and my wife. So I can't, it's not just dirty the whole time. So I look like this. Right, otherwise, now I'm just like a nice guy. I mean, because listen, I still have to do, I didn't do in this act, I didn't do my orgy bit. Yeah. Okay, I didn't do my wife's butthole bit. Like there's all these other things. Okay, I've got a whole bit about Amazon pillows. Okay, that's a newer bit. I gave it with that last week, but it's pretty good. Rob, who's screaming at the, Is that Jenny screaming for the third party?

[32:00]That is the drag queen who's running the show. Okay, awesome. So it might be a little juiced up. Wife all the time, it's impossible To grab my penis too hard. Oh. You can, no, it's impossible. She thinks, I said you cannot imagine What I've done to this thing for the last 30 years. I've been so bad, it's a different color From the rest of my body. I don't know how that happened. If you painted this room with my skin tone And then put the color of my cock and balls On one wall, people would be like, Well, those shades of brown really give it depth. I like that. Guys, an accent wall joke. I feel like that's a, it's been, It's definitely not 10 years ago That joke would have really fitted. Now I did have a tag on that joke, Aaron, That Russ asked me to cut. I, there was multiple people, I think, Asked you, suggested that you cut it. I suggested it as well. Where I said, oh, that accent wall Gives the room a lot of depth. And I go, what's that, what's that Bright pink spot over there? He's bright red.

[33:00]What's that bright red spot over there? So hot. Why is that part of the wall so hot? Yeah, I'm not sure. You don't need to put the shades of brown. The shades of brown are enough. Yeah. All right. I trust you. I listen, I trust you guys. I went with it. I went with it. I told her, because she acts like it's a baby bird. She's putting back in a nest. And I'm like, oh, it's the opposite. It's like a black box on an airplane. You cannot hurt it. If I went down in the, If I went down in the Andes, All the searches would find on the mom's side Is just this little penis on the side. They'd be like, Because obviously the crew would have eaten. Because look at me, I'm calorie dense. I look delicious. And I'm sure that by the time they got to my penis, It'd be like when you get home late at night And you're like, Okay, I think I got some hot dogs in the back of the fridge. And you kind of go back there And you pull them on and you go, oh yeah. Oh no. Why are they so great? It's spelled like mulch. I can't even use it all the time. Listen, I cannot help it. I cannot help but make those jokes.

[34:00]That is your second penis color joke. Oh yeah. It's definitely a theme in your work. I don't think it's the last. Well, you got to speak truth to power. But here's the thing too, Is that you can hear less and less people chatting. Like they're dialed in. And for this last joke, I was making- They want to know, They want to know what color your penis is. Like they're in now. I want to see it. They're so in. Accent walls, penis color. Yeah, they want to know. Yeah, they're probably like, I wish this guy would talk about his wife's butthole too, But not this time, Only at five minutes. All right. Real quick, can I get an extra minute, Icarus? Oh, you asked for more time. I am begging the DJ who played off the earlier comic For an extra minute. Cause I'm like, listen, I'm on fire. I'm crushing. I know Icarus from various bingo games. I'm begging for an extra minute. Cause if I get played off for my fingernails joke, I'm going to be so mad. And here's the thing. I knew myself was going to be really dirty. So my 15 year old daughter said, Can you say some jokes? I wanted some jokes cause I'm recording it. So if you guys can laugh for her jokes, I'm just going to play this far

[35:00]And she'll think it was a clean set. I kind of screwed up this joke. Okay, this is for you Amelia. She wrote these, so let's see how this goes. If they bomb, we got to be nice. Why is it so hot in the corner all the time? It's 90 degrees. It has four wheels and flies. A garbage truck, yes thank you. That's good. Hey, I was watching the news the other day And Greta Thunberg, oh, a woman environmental, I love this stuff. Greta Thunberg was talking about the Ozone. The Ozone, that's what I call my bedroom. What the fuck? See, now I feel like it was not clear enough That my 15 year old daughter wrote that joke And that's why it's funny. Now to be fair, that first two jokes Are the only part Jenny posted on Instagram from my set. So anybody who saw Jenny's Instagram Thought my entire stand-up set was me Reading out of like a 10 year old joke book. And not understand. I mean, that's a good bit too, that'd be fun to try.

[36:00]It's a good bit, but it was a little long So I had to cut it for time. And then I was like, I got to do this joke. I think it's too good. So, because I had a sheet of paper in my pocket And everything Aaron that I brought out. I was a prop comic. I saw that in the video, I saw it, I know. I don't know if you did Because you're seeming to laugh at these jokes Like you haven't heard it before Aaron. I wasn't going to say it. Rob, I've heard all of your jokes before. There's never, like, none of your jokes Have I not heard before. Of course I watched this video. Have I talked to you about Cooling down the toilet paper? This is the other day, by the way. The fridge by the toilet did not go over as well as it worked. I don't know what I'm going to learn That these jokes don't work at work. All right, here we go. I should have read it, I should have read it ahead. Listen. Almost forgot right here. I think I did go back to the doctor And I ended up getting out of the Zempic. I know it's hard to tell because I'm a fighter. I went for a checkup lately. I was ringing the bell, He did a donut, that's not what it's for. The only problem with those Zempic, And I found this out,

[37:00]Is that it makes your fingernails grow really fast. It's crazy, I used to bite my nails, Now I got to trim them. I forgot, I just, I don't want to do it And my fingernails grew so long, And this is true. My fingernails grew so long That it hurt me when I was masturbating. Does that ever happen to anybody else? No. My asshole is torn up. Oh no. All right, I'm going to spell out, I got up here, let's go. All right, so that is one of my great, That's one of my great regrets And I didn't say that's been my time. That's what I've always wanted to say, That's been my time, I didn't say it. I've been a great audience, that's my strength. Yeah, so that is my stand-up set. Officially, huge success. I got third place. Unfortunately, the way they awarded the winners, We all stood up on stage And people came up in front of everyone And gave us tickets. The person next to me got zero tickets. I thought you said earlier you didn't get any tickets. Well, I got tickets from Jenny And then the people that were there to see me.

[38:00]I didn't get tickets from anybody I didn't know. But you still got third place, that's amazing. It's like our podcast Where we only have Charm and Magic Mike And everyone else's people. And Ross and his kid. I will say that the guy next to me In a leather tank top with a thong on, I felt like maybe he did need to win The $200 prize more than I did. I think we've gotten more out of that. You obviously kill it, you did a great job. You've got to be feeling good about yourself. Do you think you're winning? Like in your mind or you're like, This is the beginning of like the rest of my life. I'm going to win this. And this is a star is born, right? I came back to Jenny at the table And I said, I fucking crushed that. I said that crushed. It was unbelievable. A guy came up to me from the bar, He goes, you're cute and funny. And I was like, yes, this is the greatest day of my life. I was like, this is great. I should go have this guy suck me off in the bathroom To make it officially the greatest day of my life. Okay. The sign on the bathroom said one person per stall only, But you know this, just a suggestion, okay. I mean, if I would have gone on there And there would have been a glory hole, I would have been like, yes,

[39:00]It's all coming together right now. So Roland going there and how's it going with you? Robert, is there another, Are you going to do another one? Like you've had a run, Are you going to try to do an amateur night or something? So if, if, if, if Ceylonna does another one, I might try it with some new jokes Because I did think that was fun. But I don't, do I want to go do like an open mic And then find it and then it's just, yes. Your new jokes will be jokes I've heard before And I will still laugh at them. Yeah. All right. I got to go try to find an open mic. Cause I think right now, I think I could put together a solid 10 minutes And I know you just need a solid five. That was like six and a half. I think you need a tight five. I think you need a tight five. I think you listened to what you just did. You picked the one thing that you didn't think killed. You cut it and you polished. You would kill it, Rob. You would do amazing. Okay. Okay. I will try to find, I will find another open mic by the end of the year. That is my vow. I will put Jenny on it. Maybe instead of going to this powerlifting meet, I'll be out doing an open mic. Okay.

[40:00]And not, and I'll have to get rid of my goal, Which I have been doing lately, Which is I'm trying to find a glory hole Where you just shake hands through it. That's way harder to find. Cause when you put a hand through, there's. I noticed when you were, when you got up there, You were kind of doing like, You had your hand in your face a little bit. I was like, is he doing a bit? Like, is this like a comic thing? Like you're going to have like a, Like a physical thing you're doing up there. And then you kind of, it looked like you got comfortable And then you just owned the stage. Is that, was I reading that right or not? I did get comfortable until afterwards where I saw That I did wear a shirt where the lower half inch Of my belly was sticking out for a lot of it. I thought the shirt looked good. At that point I said to Jenny What are you doing? Why would you let me go on stage like this? Okay. So I think she might be my coach, But I might have to get a new manager. I might have to find somebody who's my manager Who can book me around to certain places And tell me how to dress. You need to miss Elizabeth. Yeah. I don't know. What should I? I don't know. I have a sensational sherry. Erin Rowland going on. How's it going with you? It's good. It's going good. As I mentioned earlier, my lady's out of town.

[41:00]So it's just Wallace and me this weekend. So a couple of things I wanted to just let people know What's happening in my life. I did, so yesterday was Friday And I was leaving yesterday morning. And so she took off in the morning, Got Wallace out to school and then I was working. And I knew that then Once he got home from school on Friday, I was kind of on. You had the babysit. Yeah. Yeah. And he's off school on Monday. So I'm taking Monday off. So then it's like, it's him and me for three days. And he's wonderful. So it's great, but it also means like It's not a lot of errand time. So I was like, okay, cool. I got to take myself off for lunch on Friday. So I went down, got in the car. I drove down to El Paísa on international Down in East Oakland. And this is a great taco spot. So really. Yeah. So it's, I had to get off. The maps took me on seminary and then dropped me down. And then I turned left on the 50th And then had to turn red on international.

[42:00]And then on Bancroft Way, it's like a little tiny street. Apple Maps took you the wrong way. The wrong way. Apple Maps did okay, but El Paísa Has a very tiny parking lot. And so you cannot park on Bancroft Way. But people try to park on Bancroft Way. In fact, the parking enforcement Just does circles around this block And people follow the parking enforcement So that they can try to slide into those spot After parking enforcement leaves And then run in and get their tacos and run back. Wow. El Paísa is great. It's very cool. You go to the counter, you order And you basically just tell the person at the counter The number of tacos that you want. And then you go get in line with your ticket. You take your ticket up to the taqueiro And then you just say like, I want Suero, chorizo, asada, whatever. And they're just in there. They're chopping it up right in front of you. And then they ask do you want onions And cilantro? Do you want cacti, like all of it? Wait, Russell, did you hear that last thing you said? Cilantro? No. Aaron, say what the last one, say a C word, But not the C word you like to say. Yeah, cacti.

[43:00]Cactus. Cactus, nopales. You can put cactus in a taco. What are you talking about? You get in line. It's supposed to be really good. It's supposed to be really good. They actually top chef did a challenge with cactus once. What? Yeah, it's kind of, yeah. So it's like nopales, like the leaves. Cause once you take the spikes off, Then the leaves of the cactus, They're sort of like, Once you take the spikes off, That's like most of the cactus. That's like what's there. It's called, Rob, they're called nopales. So you can, so Google that. Nopales? And it becomes like, it's like a side to your, To your tacos. Nice. What do you call a person from Nepal? Oh, Aaron, I'm starting to see some cracks In your story. Rob. Hey, if you brought cactus to Climals Everest, I bet that would be a pretty funny bit. And then of course I do love the, I do love the tripe at this spot. And I liked, I love tripe tacos. And I, I sent a message to the group yesterday. Hold on, hold on. I thought this was normal. I didn't know this was so weird. No, no, keep going. So I, I didn't know this was so strange,

[44:00]But I, I ordered, so I got two sweat arrow And sweat arrow is like similar to brisket. I think it might be from the naval. And then I got one shorty so, And I got a, a tripe. Oh my God. And I think, I don't know. I think, I also think that like when they see The gringo come in and he orders the tripe, They're like, oh, you think you like tripe? We're going to give you We're going to hook you up with a lot. Right. And I do love it. Did you ask if it's, did you ask if it's tripe? Yeah. There's no way our dumb shit listeners Know what tripe is. You got to explain that. I'll say it right now. It's the edible lining of a stomach Of a ruminant animal such as a cow, sheep or pig. Correct. So I think it's typically the cow. And when you eat it in a taco, I think they must braise it or something first And then they crisp it up on the plonches. So it's kind of like, It's actually pretty similar to like The way octopus would taste where it's like, Or the texture where the texture is kind of like spongy. Then you get the crispy bits on the edges. I, I do love it. I feel like Russell right now When we're talking about like bodily fluids

[45:00]And stuff and he's like, oh, just, We got to move on. We got to move on. I'm trying to move on, but I just, Look at this tripe. Look at this picture of this tripe. Like this looks like one of those ETs That I was talking about. This is ET at the end. That's what you had put in a minute ago. Right. That is ET. Look at that. So I sent a message to the text chain yesterday. I didn't realize I would be the only person Who's ever eaten tripe. And everyone freaked out. So rightfully so. I just wanted to update the text chain. Russell, I'm sorry, you might have to eat your muffin. I'm totally fine. It's more than 24 hours later. Everything's fine. But I did poop at 11 p.m. Last night, Which I don't think has ever happened to me in my life. I was like, okay, about to go to bed. And I was like, this is a little bit odd. Hey, do you guys hear that? He called the shit poop. Hey, your body's like, There's only room in this stomach for one stomach. Get out of here. But I'm good. I'm good. I super enjoyed my tacos from El Paisad. I'm having a great weekend. What else did you say the other day,

[46:00]Right at lunchtime? When I was eating lunch, right when you said that. I don't know if this is actually real or not, But I saw a social media post About buffalo wing flavored soda. Oh, God, yeah, that's what it was. Yep, I got the people who were like, I mean, I just instantly thought of those feats And I'm like, God, I'm eating, Aaron. You gotta like, I know. Yeah, I apologize. I'm two hours behind you. Aaron, I know. Aaron, the lab assistant at my work Is ordering those sodas because they have it. Buffalo wing flavored soda. You can get it on Amazon. Check us out. Six bottles. You know what else you can get on Amazon? Now, it does only have two stars on the reviews. I hate to say that. It's really well only two ratings though. That's true. That's I cannot imagine. So is the lab assistant gonna drink it Or are they gonna? No, I said we need to do it Because we do a pumpkin pie contest. And I was like, let's have gross sodas Because then they also have sodas. One of them, they have like a, Collect like a pack, like a flavor pack. And one of the flavors was like ranch.

[47:00]And I was like, we have to try ranch soda. Barf. Oh my God. Oh, it's so good. Oh. Aaron is grossing us out with his food takes Aaron. So Aaron, if I'm gonna taco, should I try the tripe? You think it's, you think it's that good? What? No, you should not. You should stick with, no, you should do a soda. Maybe carnitas if the place has good carnitas. How dare you tell me what to do? I will try the tripe. I'm gonna order some tripe. I'm gonna look on Seamless right now And see if there's tripe. I'm gonna order a tripe in New York. It's not gonna be good in New York. Aaron, I will tell you whenever I'm traveling In a taco If there's some bank shrimp tacos Or some shrimp taco, you're a big shrimp taco guy. I do love shrimp tacos. I've started getting shrimp tacos a lot more Since you've, I love shrimp tacos. Yeah. I'm glad to hear that, Matt. Glad I can help your taco choices. When I type in tripe, all that comes up Are various Chinese spots around town And that does not sound as appealing to me. Like tripe and like, I'm like rice or like, I don't think so. I wanted a taco, so I'm gonna have to wait. Yeah, I think it's great in the taco. So anyway, that's how it's rolling going with me.

[48:00]How's it rolling going with? Is there a food Aaron you wouldn't eat? Yeah, there's got to be. Like that baby bird food in a- I don't, yeah, that one, I don't think I could do it. It's like you eat the entire bird And it's like borderline alive. I'm not sure I could do that. Little beak. Yeah, I don't know if I can handle that. But yeah I'd like, I would eat most stuff. Like most things that come from, I mean, I just feel like these places, They don't stay open if people get sick eating there, Right? They have practices to keep people from getting sick. So I don't really worry about that. I was just super bad. Yeah, but like also often, If somebody is going to be serving stomach, Like that's, it's been eaten a lot or Down the road in the history and stuff like that. So it's not like who just says, oh Let's just throw the stomach lining on the stomach lining. Is that what it is? I think so, yeah. Now let's just throw this into the taco. It would be funny if you did trip.

[49:00]Like if you bought a bunch of tripe and then you tripped And you're like, oh, I knew it. I didn't know, wait, I didn't read the menu. It doesn't say tripe. It says guy comes out. He's on all fours behind you and somebody else pushes you. Oh my God. It was in the fall. I think you get your new closing joke For your 10 minute bit right there. Oh, thank goodness. Thank goodness. Cause I, I have a whole run on tripe And I wasn't sure how to finish it. I had a bit about Linda trip with Monica Lewinsky Cause that seemed just as current as a lot of the stuff I've been doing. And I just have to say quickly. So tonight we had a friend up the hill Who was having an adult birthday party and Anna's out of town. So like we didn't get a sitter to go. But I was like, well, hey I do want to say happy birthday to Andrew. Do you mind if I bring Wallace by? And there was, I thought there were going to be Other kids there. Turned out there were no other kids. Oh, he brought a kid doing adult for me. All these farries and things. Oh my God. It was fine because he has a Nintendo emulator In the basement. So Wallace went straight down and played Nintendo For an hour. Oh, Russ and Robert now they're there.

[50:00]Right. And then he came up once to get some sushi rolls And then some like pigs in a blanket. And by the time he came up there was like, The kitchen was packed with people. He was like dropping food all over. I was like, I got to get this kid out of here. And he picked, he just loaded up an entire plate With pigs in a blanket. And we walked back home down the hill. I'll say it again, that one time I went to the party It was just my two kids with us, the guy, We sat next to a guy who rolled the biggest joint I've ever seen in my entire life. And I was like, yeah, this is not a kid party. And sure enough, it did turn into an orgy After we left. We found out later. I was like, I got to go, but it's funny. Like people, all these people have kids. So like when someone who's not their kid is there, They're fine with it. Cause they're like, oh, that's really cute. But I was like, we got to get out of here by eight o'clock. It's kind of like this podcast Like we're fine with other people's kids listening to this, But no way would I let my kid listen to this podcast. Exactly right. Exactly. That's it for me. I got to get out. That's my time. Did you ask if the party was going to turn Into an orgy later? Cause then you could be like, I could maybe get a center. I didn't ask that. Okay.

[51:00]Cause I've got a good orgy bit that I have waiting. So. I mean, you could also like Come in halfway through. Somebody's got to be done pretty quick. Yeah, exactly. The halfway through orgy guy. Oh, we just, we even watched my kid. Your tag teaming. You're reaching over the ropes. Tag me in. No, it's calling the bullpen. Tag me in. Yeah, bullpen. You know, I'm done. I got my socks on. I got to go. You know, like Aaron comes in in the baseball car. I might as well just go, yeah, Watch the football game or whatever that's going on. I like that. The orgy is being a tag deep thing. Oh my God. It's so hard to pass this rolling going. He's got him in a camel clutch. He's tagging in Aaron. He won't let it happen. He just won't. What other wrestling move is a good sex move? I'll do Tombstone. To Powerbomb. I mean, the Powerbombs is straight up sex move. You get your face right in their crotch. How was it? Hold on. What was Ravishing Rick Roots? That would be the Root Awakening, Matt. The Root Awakening. The Root Awakening. Yeah, there you go. Aaron, I was always a bigger fan of the Jackknife Powerbomb.

[52:00]Oh, the Jackknife. Oh, wow. Yeah, that was a 31. I just did the Yokozuna where I sat or I sit on their face. So. That would be the bombs I drop. I can tell you when you buy those sexy dice And your wife will sit on my face, she's not happy. Talk about her birthday going wrong for her. What? Okay. Do I have to look up sexy dice now on the internet? On the Amazon? You guys don't want to talk about it. I was just thinking like, Her birthday got wrong because you're sitting on her face? Yeah, the dice of. Okay. Great for me. I'm going to get it. Maya? How's it rolling going? Anyone? Well, look, things are going well with me. I got three topics, trivial pursuit. We can go Travel and Leisure, Food and Beverage, Or Potpourri. Potpourri. Oh, wow. Potpourri. Potpourri, that reminds me. So, I'm actually in Vale for a work thing. And industry thing, they had an outdoor area With kind of like a big fire pit and everything. And I went out and people are smoking cigars.

[53:00]I got to know guys, what's your cigar style? You go and people are smoking cigars. Are you lighting one up or are you out on cigars? What are you at with cigars? I used to do the Swisher Sweets. I think it was just as an excuse to smoke And not feel terrible about it. I cannot do it anymore. Cigars, the smell grosses me out. Every time I smoked one, I was like, Oh, I feel like a man. And then I would feel like absolute shit. It was like I had to throw up But I could never throw up enough To get that cigar taste out. I just can't, I'm out on cigars. I get why guys do it. I think you, I don't think you look as cool as you think But I also get it Because you do look pretty fucking cool smoking a cigar But I just, I can't do it. What do you think, man? I think, I'm with you. I think you don't, You think you look a lot cooler than you do. I remember when we went to Costa Rica For like a J-Term or whatever And you could try to get like cojibas there or whatever. And I tried to be like a cigarist I've always, I used to always try to be a cigar smoker. And I just realized, not for me. I do not like, that's why I don't like smoking doobies

[54:00]Because I do not like inhaling smoke at all. Like it's just, that's not a thing. So I was never like inhaling the smoke from a cigar, right? It was just like lingering there. So it wasn't even like, what's the point? So I've just, I realized I'm not a cigar guy. No thanks on the golf course, whatever. You know, I'm not going to smoke a cigar. No, thank you. Erin, no Bill Clinton jokes. What about you? I think, jeez, there goes all my material. Well, that's my time. Get up, you've been a great audience. Get up here. That's what a lot of great comics say at the end. I just think a cigar takes so long to smoke That I would love to have a friend Where I could like take a few puffs And like chat for a minute. But if you're at an event or a function, Unless you really want to be there With the other three to four cigar smokers For two hours or whatever it takes, The time investment just doesn't really work. It's a great point. Russell, I would be worried If you're not a regular cigar smoker.

[55:00]Don't you get sick? Wouldn't you be worried about like getting ill? I don't know. Russell, what happened? Tell us about it. So I sit down and I've had, Maybe you have a cigar like every two years or something. So I've had them. I don't smoke them a lot, But it's not completely for me. But smoking a cigar, Like there's kind of some pressure with it. They give you the cutter or you're like, I don't want to mess up the cut. Yeah. And these are guys that have like, These are guys that have like nice cigars. You know, they've got their little case and everything. Like it's definitely part of like their lifestyle Is to have cigars, right? And so you get the cutter, But like lighting a cigar, Not always easy if you don't do it very often. Some people tonight work, They would just hold it and they weren't puffing out. They just let the lighter go on it for like a minute. They're turning it around. They were lightening it. Other people you've pulled it up And they're puffing on it, Trying to get it going. But like there's some stress That goes with the cigar if you're smoking it. It's like golf. If you're not a good golfer and you're playing, You're worried about it. Like if you're not a cigar smoker, You don't really know about, Is this how I'm supposed to light it or whatever?

[56:00]But there's some kind of stress that comes with it. You know what I'm saying? I always light it And it would like get like half lit, right? Or like start burning halfway. It's like very like awkward, Where you're not the cool guy. Who used to be George Burns back in the day, right? He was, he would be evenly. I always had the cigar. Evenly down, stuff like that. So you're right. If you don't do it, If you don't do it often, You got to pretend like you know what you're doing. Russell, I would instantly try a power move out there. And I would say like, Hey, you can kind of tell who'd be really good At sucking dong when you're a smoker. And then you kind of look at everybody real close. You know what I mean? Because it'd be like, Hey, you're pretty good at smoking that. Like just say that. I think that it's going to throw them off. And then you say like, oh what? So it's, it's got a red tip. You know, it's so hot. It's in your mouth. It's just like, it makes you think about it. You know what I mean? You just come out with all your sex jokes right off the bat. Yeah. It smells terrible. Yeah. Your wife hates it. I mean, how are all the cigars not like penises? I think you got your second 10 minutes now.

[57:00]Oh my God. So good. Why does your penis smell terrible? But you know what? I was, I eventually got through it. And there were some people that came after me And they had more trouble than me. So I was kind of in the middle in terms of, But I was also worrying like, I don't want it to go out Because I don't want to ask for the lighter again When it's half done. But Aaron, you're right. If you're there, you're kind of stuck there for an hour. You can't, you can't smoke that thing in five minutes Or ash it or put it like, Especially when it's a nice cigar for someone And they give it to you, Like that they're offering you a gift Or part of their experience And you have to honor that to some extent, right? Yes. Yeah. So I can see if you had a club And these were like, Like if our podcast, Instead of a podcast for a cigar club And this is what we're doing And we're getting together once a week And we're going to sit here and smoke a cigar, Like I get it then you're committed. But I mean, if you're doing this and you, There's other, like what's the opportunity cost Of smoking the cigar versus other stuff You can be doing, that's tough. So that was my potpourri,

[58:00]Matt, rolling one housing along with you. Good, Rob, can you play a song for me please? Bad Decisions by The Strokes. Ooh, The Strokes. I wish our listeners could see what the typing is. I just, can we please do a lot of YouTube of this sometime? I didn't even look at what I was typing. That's how cool it was, okay? I was really showing off. Where on is this from, Matt? I don't know. I just, usually what happens Is I hear these like on the, I hear randomly somewhere and I just like, That'd be a good one to just, It's just a nice random song. Matt, are you, can you always look at a screen And see who's singing something Or do you have to shazam it on your phone? I had to shazam something today. I feel, I don't ever feel as old As when I'm shazamming a song. I'm like, God damn, I'm old. Yeah, there's a Google button, Like the microphone in front of Google. And I use that if I don't know what's going on. But I know a lot of them, but I don't know what to flex.

[59:00]What a flex. I'll go quick. There's a new But I think we all have our areas of expertise, right? Like, I think I feel like I know a lot about video games. Aaron knows all about all those age and consent In different countries. He's one of those guys is way into it. Sorry, Matt, go ahead. That's all right. There's a new album out and Aaron, I told Aaron about this, I didn't tell you guys about this, But Tyler the Creator's got a new album called Chromocopia, that what do you say to Aaron? Chromocopia? I mean the cover of that. I think that's what he said. Yeah, that's what they say on the record. And I never got into Tyler the Creator, But he's huge with the young kids As they say, and he's not even that young anymore. I put that album on and it is awesome. We usually sing a song some other time, But not to say, but so Tyler the Creator, If anybody like, if anybody's a rap head or, You know, a hip hop head or whatever you want to say, Tyler the Creator's new album is wonderful, Especially for 43, 44 year old white guys.

[1:00:00]Yeah, man, put me on it, I was really stoked. I'm a rap head. I like a chicken wrap. I can't even think of a kind of wrap Because I'd never ordered one in a million years. Russell, you ever ordered in a wrap? That would be something that I would order to act Like I was eating healthy. You know what? I did. I was at a work lunch where they bought my lunch And I did get a tuna wrap. Oh my God, Russell, you're so right. I felt so good. There's a new, what do we call them? A cult series on HBO. And I think you guys know, We talk about it every once in a while, That I'm like any sort of, I had a sort of cult documentary. How many episodes did it take? Yeah. For what? You know what? The fuck fast. Why we're all in a cult? It's a fuck fast. I mean, this one kind of got it. This one got in the third episode, It got into the The leader of the cult was a bad guy. You know, there's four total, There's only three come up. They're always, they're never the good guy. It's never the leaders like,

[1:01:00]What is everybody doing out here? I'm trying to run a nice cult. You guys are out here fucking your brains out. God damn it. That's not what I wanted. I just wanted to play volleyball. You know what I mean? They're never the good guys. Breath of Fire is about a yoga group. Yeah. And the Lahari or something like that. Kundalini yoga, which is, I don't know. It's a high yoga, right? They got in trouble. Well, kind of But like this the whole thing of like, This is ancient practice And it's just all bullshit. It's just, it's hilarious. What people fall for. I don't get it. And you know what? I'm going to be the next one to fall For something like a year or two. You guys have to pull me out And tell me I'm in a cult. So if I'm in a cult, okay. If you get to go and do hot yoga And then fuck afterwards, I bet that's one way to avoid hamstring cramps. Okay. Hello? Okay. And then the only, The last thing I've got this week Is that next week, And I know everybody's been waiting for it, But we've got Wildflowers by Tom Petty. Next up. This is your warning, This is your warning

[1:02:00]Or your heads up That on Amazon Prime, There's the documentary Tom Petty Somewhere you feel free. Yep. And everybody should watch it before, If you're a big fan, You should watch it before we do our episode Because it'll make you appreciate it Just a little bit more. It is an unbelievable. If you're a big fan of powers, You're a big fan of Tom Petty. Both. You know, but. Oh, all right. Both of you. Yeah. Yeah. So that's it. That's my role in going and Rob already went. So I think we're ready to move on, Rob. Oh my God. Let's talk about the album. Oh, is this a music blackout? This is my favorite part of the show. Let's talk about the album. That's what I tell people. Oh, yes. Oh my God. I did promote the podcast at the standup. I forgot about that. They said, oh, Rob, Can we find you on social media? I said, oh, I got a podcast. I said, it sucks. Don't listen to it. So I bailed right away. Could not do it. I'm not good at advertising this. Now listen, We are talking about Fiona Apple when the.

[1:03:00]Oh, Rob's up there doing jokes About other guys fucking his wife, But he can't, He's too embarrassed to mention that He has this podcast. Like that wasn't too far. That's a bridge. That's where I draw the line. You cannot be too rough to his penis. You just can't. And he's all sorts of shards of brown, But no, no, no, don't don't listen to my podcast. Legitimately, if you ask my wife, Should I do the bit about the butthole Or should I talk about my podcast? She'd be like, oh boy, this is tough. She does not want to hear one thing about the podcast. I sent her. She's way into Amy Winehouse right now. Like we've watched the movie twice. She watched on the plane once. She's way into Amy Winehouse. She's listening to it all the time. So timely. Send her a text with link to our episode, Radio silence. The only time I did not get 10 Very long text messages back. That episode is not bad, I feel. No, it was a good one. And it was what? It was kind of interesting, okay? So now listen, all right? We are talking about Fiona Apple.

[1:04:00]Of course, famously, Erinswife at gmail.com, Favorite artists are right up there. I know. This is when the, What is some takes on this? I'll share. Oh, good. What is when the, Because you said, oh, I'm going to ask her If she wants to do the podcast with you guys. And then again, Radio silence. We did not hear anything. No, we don't need to follow that up. We don't need to say anything about it. Okay, let's just, No, it was that she, It's honestly, It's that my mom was here And she did not want to bail And hanging out with my mom. So I was sort of like, Oh, maybe she would do that. But like that. It's, it's, it's, it's time. That's not much. That did scare. I thought something crashed. Now, what's that behind you in that window? We don't get to hear the Aaron's mom Soundbite very often. But when I'm editing the podcast And we talk about Aaron's mom And I don't play it, I'm so mad at myself. I'm furious. It's terrible. So this is when the, What is this album call? I keep forgetting. The idler wheel. The idler wheel. So this is the idler wheel We're talking about. We last left Fiona Apple Earlier on the list When she just had released

[1:05:00]When the Pawn in 1999. This is produced by her John, her friend, Collaborator, John Brian, Who's like a, He's like a pianist or something. He took, he produced Kanye, too. Yeah. He took, So he takes a, They take a few years off. Fiona Apple takes a few years off Of this hoping the music For this next album Is just going to come. Cause When the Pawn Is just massive hit for her. Meanwhile, the guy producer, John Brion, I managed to say John Brian, But it's B-R-I-O-N. I don't even know how to say it. John Brion. I don't either. I'll say John Brion. Sounds very good. Brion, on the other hand, Broke up with his girlfriend While she was in Punch and Drunk Love And he was doing the score to it. So now he has to score the movie And watch his ex-girlfriend Is seen after seen just day After day. This person who just broke his heart, He's got to watch her on screen. And so he comes to Fiona Apple And says, please can we make an album? Right. So they start working on these, These songs, her and this John Brion And they're, they're working. This is in 1999. They're working up to 2003.

[1:06:00]Still no album is coming out. The record company has said, Oh, Fiona Apple's coming out With a new album, Still no album. We're getting leaks. 2004 album doesn't come out. Turns out she had recorded The whole album With this John Brion, hated it. So basically that album is delayed Coming out. That's the long and short of it. It's delayed coming out. It was a huge mess. Fiona Apple is scarred By the experience. So she starts writing songs This time in private And instead of hiring Alizando Or Brion, Now she is working with her Touring drummer, Making these songs Behind the labels back. Okay. So the drummer is the producer And basically she comes up And she says to the record company, I have this album. They release the album And she goes on tour The very same day. Album ends up Getting nominated for Best Alternative Album, Losing to Goatye, Gotye, Goatye, Who also won the best record. So there's no way she was Going to beat him. But this album, That's why I think That's why this album, When you listen to it, It's extraordinarily percussive.

[1:07:00]There's a ton of drums Going on this album Because the drummer is the producer. Russ, the producer, He's my drummer. So, Aaron. Thank you. Aaron, not all drummers Are producers, But all producers are drummers, Right? Yeah. I think that's how that works. Yep. So, Fiona Apple, This is the only single From this album. Okay. I don't, this music is like, But it's it kind of airy. Did you hear that little piano In the background? Like that light, Bell, piano. Does anybody know what that Instrument's called? What is it? Russell, this might blow your Mind, but that instrument Is called a celesta. I had to look up other songs That feature the celesta. This is officially the list For tonight on the first song. The tough one. Wow. Wow. Celesta is also called The bell, piano. And it sounds like our old

[1:08:00]Friend, the Glockenspiel. Right. But it's a little. We have done a Glockenspiel. Yeah, we have. This is not a, no, don't. Don't, I'm not one of these Glockenspiel guys, okay? I'm doing a celesta list. I'm here for it. The celesta means heavenly In French, okay? Probably most famously In this song, Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy. Ooh, yeah. Ooh. Oh, that's so nice. That is a celesta right there. My kid is in a production Of the Nutcracker this year. She is dancing in it. I get to go back and see all The old favorites from when I Had crushes on girls in high School that were in the ballet. So I would go to the Nutcracker Every year, hoping to make out With them. Erin, do you want to guess My batting average with the Ballet girls? 350. Oh, 35 for 100. 0.000 is the correct answer. Well below the Mendoza line. When it comes to the ballet Girls, Rob is the Mendoza line. Next up, another place You can see the celesta is in

[1:09:00]Probably one of the most terrifying Movies of all time. What movie is this? Really welcome. Oh, my God. You're so right. Good call, man. I'm not good. Raining is boring. Right here. Take a wish. Oh, my God. Take a wish. You did not move the. Come with me and you'll be In a world of your imagination. Is a celesta and you'll see Now. Did you guys watch any Halloween Movies? I know Rob did a scary Song list, but I actually in The upstairs roommate, we did a Scary movie. I don't like scary movies. I don't like horror movies. We went through this process Of trying to pick out what Movie we would do. Let me see what you guys Think of this for a process To pick out a movie you're Going to watch. It's either you. I let her pick three and then I get to pick the one of the Three so she could pick any Three movies and then I get To pick the one. Yeah. Eventually we ended up on the

[1:10:00]Sixth sense and it's been a Long time. It's such a fantastic movie. I know it's different when you Know the ending, but it's A little bit. Yeah. Did you enjoy it? It was fantastic, but there Are some scary and what I Would call grossest. Like there's some scary shit There. Russell, we watched as a Family watched Beetlejuice And I'd never seen Beetlejuice Before. What the fuck? Same. I'd never seen it till A month ago. Oh, my God. Not that great. It doesn't hold up. The only thing that's good is The dancing scene, the day O's scene. That's the only good. Yeah, very well. That's a movie, right? Brilliant. Otherwise. Michael Keaton, that movie is So good. Like in it for like three Minutes. Yeah, I don't get it. It's definitely if you were Expecting something in Beetlejuice and then the Main character you're Expecting is like not in That very much. And then even in the new One, he said he wanted to Honor that from the first One and it's not in it. He's in it lesser or he's not Like he's not in every scene, Right?

[1:11:00]But when he is, he's pretty Damn amazing. I just assumed, right? Like I've never seen it before And everybody dresses up as Beetlejuice all the time and The movie's called Beetlejuice That like he would be in 80 Percent of the movie. So. So Russell, scary movie. Hey, did you have to act Not scared because when That kid's under the sheet, That's scary as shit, man, In the sixth sense. Did you have to act not Scared? What did you do? I there was one point Where I held my hand up so I could not see what was Going on with one of the ghosts. I do this. There's a scene where Bruce Willis was in a parking garage And was up really high. Russell's like, Jesus Christ, It's a serious movie I've ever seen. By the way, Russell, when You were telling that story And I was at it, Russell did Not laugh at that, by the way. When I edited that, Russell, I realized that When you came to my cabin, I made you do a VR thing Where all you did is have to Walk on a plank at very high. Yeah, I was terrified On a very high plank. And I realized now that was Like your number one fear All time. And I was like, hey, put This on, it'll be really fun. I'm just the worst. You probably said it before, too. And I wasn't listening.

[1:12:00]Next up on the Celeste list And I think we all have. Probably got to edit that out. Notice Rob and at the part Out where they say you're the worst And ignore them, Rob. They're laughing. See, it's a joke to them. Ain't no mountain high enough. The Celeste, the famous bells In the beginning. Aaron, I picked this song for you. I'm loving it. I was just thinking About it. It's crazy. Next up, guys, tell me what show This was. You don't choose Roger. Oh, Mr. Thank you. Yes, Mr. Rogers. Hey, say his name three times. He shows up. Has a Celeste in the beginning Of it. Man, speaking of scary movies Where people show up if you say Their name, rest in peace to Tony Todd. Yeah. And a man. Which you don't realize. And that's another movie. There's not that much candy.

[1:13:00]And he it's he's coming through Mirrors in the bathroom. And then they're like, oh, my God, How's he getting through the mirror And then they take the mirror off And they go, oh, there's a hole Back here. And I was like, well, that's, You know, that's not a scary When there's a hole. That's a scary movie. Nobody thinks Bloody Mary That there's actually a hole In the mirror that she's Coming through. Like that's not that could be Used that could be your Glory hole or you're shaking hands. Oh, my God. Yes. And then you say Bloody Berry, Bloody Berry, Bloody Berry. Pick a guy's name. Rob, do you feel more comfortable Are you doing the glory hole Bloody Mary in there? No, you feel more comfortable Saying that three times Because you're in your own house That you would if like you were At your cabin. I was at the cabin with the Window behind me. Forget about it. The mirror in the bathroom. I can't see. Oh, no, I just Looked on the hallway And I realized there's a huge Full length mirror. Look at I'm not going to look Again. Look at it. Just look at it. I'm not going to look again. And therefore I will be safe By I would guarantee Rob Would make his daughters go in There first. Oh, he looked. Oh, it is scary. Look, I don't like it. Finally.

[1:14:00]OK, this song just says every Day. I have no idea what song this Is. I know this one. I know this one. Oh, that's right. This is the song I thought About with Russell because we Know the song is about jerking It. That sound in the back is Buddy Holly furiously beating his Meat. And then he got married later That day. That wasn't the bed. Yes, that is a Celesta. And I have to say It's a beautiful instrument. It is kind of like which, of Course, is French for Heavenly. And I think doing a Podcast with you guys is kind Of Celestia. Oh, because when we're going to French in Vegas, it's going to Be heavenly. Oh, yeah. And then just Wikipedia says That Fiona Apple is playing The Celeste. Yeah. So she's a pianist, right? This list stuff is harder than You make it look, Russell. It really is. I pull it together. Admittedly, I was going to say You guys could have planned that

[1:15:00]A little better. So you would Have came back around on that Candy Man back to the Willy Wonka song. If you would have Got a first and ended with The Candy Man, Aaron, the Candy Man can The Candy Man can. If you would have said my Celeste list is going to get To the movie Candy Man, I Would have said, of course, It does because we talked about A little Willy Wonka. Hey, those movies are Interchangeable. Willy Wonka has bees Killing kids. OK, here we go. Daredevil. She's also saying. I like the beginning of this. This is a song about how she Needs somebody to support her When she's deep into like the Stuff she's doing. And I feel The same way with my hobbies Sometimes. Like my wife won't let me Do try to do jiu-jitsu moves On her. Doesn't that seem like not a Supportive spouse? Shouldn't she be letting me Try moves on her? What are your other hobbies? It's so hard to talk about Anything else when Fiona Apple's playing. Is your wife supportive of your Video game hobby? No, there has to be times where She walks in and she's like, God damn, he's playing video

[1:16:00]Games at the corner of the Living room again. Oh, bad. I thought you were Going to say she'd like support Me and be like, good job, honey, You got second place at that Time. It's it's Fiona Apple, like The tiniest person Who is the toughest sounding That we've heard from so far. Like she sounds like she Could bite through steel. And I think she's a tiny Person. Like on the way these like Axes go, You're going to ask me a Different question. Well, I just Think when we talk about women Artists, we don't have to talk About how they look all the time. Fair. It's not all about them being Yes, it's not about them being Tiny or big or huge fan. Maybe you're a huge Fiona Apple fan. I apologize to everyone for You know what? Today we listen through. A huge Fiona Apple. I'm a huge pop singer. We listened through her whole Discography today. I might like Wallace has been Complaining about music a lot Lately. Like I'll put something On and be like this music is Junk. And not one single complaint Today. Like he was liking Fiona

[1:17:00]Apple. But we as you know, I'm An Apple music person. And so he came out once and he Said, we listen to and I said Fiona Apple and he said, oh, Are you just letting the Algorithm decide? And I was like, no, it's Not. Hit you with an algorithm. The children. You say to lost. Do you say to him, no Apple Like with Steve Jobs, then You pull the whole. Yeah. And we used to it Right. Yeah. Maybe like I can't wait till Aaron's son gets like this Nickel back phase. It is just like in this year And can't stand. There's it's going to happen. Oh, it's happening. He's his. No. Right now he's into theme songs From the Beyblade universe. Oh, animated. Yes. That's what he likes to Listen to. It's no, don't they? They know just how to twist A dagger and use so fast. Like they'll just like they'll Be like, oh, that joke wasn't Very funny. And you're like, Oh, God, that hurt so bad. Would you say something like They just know exactly what To say they do. They give you a purple nerpel. It's the worst. Yeah, I do like to think of Aaron's kid making him drive Into like the Incubus concert. That wouldn't be that bad.

[1:18:00]That's funny. You mentioned Incubus. I think they also play with rhythm In a similar way that Fiona Apple does. They probably all listen to a lot Of African music. Well, Aaron, tell me, what do You think this is Jonathan? By the way, that was Valentine. Aaron, what is how would you Describe this music? Like I saw it described as jazz. I saw it described as I mean, It was alternative. Not really, right? I guess you'd say alternative. But that's just a weird jazz. I don't know. That's kind of the indie scene. That's what I always think of it As, but because that's how I think Of like Regina Specter, who I Think is the closest in my mind To the setup of piano female Singer. Well, I think Indy. Can I tell you what Wikipedia Has it listed? What kind of genres? Please. Art pop, baroque pop, chamber Pop, art rock, alternative rock, Jazz pop. Oh, jazz pop. I like jazz. I would just it's it's so on The nose. They must have done this on purpose That this is after a Nina Simone Album, because it's such a Spiritual successor to Nina

[1:19:00]Simone's music. So it's very to me just very Much an artist who is Piano forward and plays With a lot of genres and knows A ton of music. Like clearly, she's listened to A lot of music and is not Concerned with being Put into a single genre. 100 percent. I have to say this, too. If you find yourself in the Baroque pop section of the record Store, how big do you think that Section is? Right. You're not getting lost in there. Right. How many albums can possibly be In Baroque pop? Let's see if I can find some Other left alone. By the way, else fits in there. Right. I mean, this is Very percussion driven. But Aaron, you think is this A hard album to get into The first time you listen to It? Yeah, I also thought I do. I yes, we we talked about this At home because Anna said how Has been titled not beyond There yet? Like, how could there be two Fiona Apple albums now? And we've not heard title, which Has Chateau Boxer and criminal. And she probably just

[1:20:00]Likes criminal just to hear Criminal at some point. Just so you know, and that Was I think title was her first Album and had real hits And songs people remember. And this is not as approachable As that. And it is. Yeah. Yeah. She does challenging stuff. I think she did title And it was beautiful and Wonderful and well received. And I think she felt like she Had done that. I think about Prince One of your stuff like this Because he also said, hey, I could write a tight album Of just great pop hits. Or I could write now with just Beautiful songs. But there's always one song That kind of makes you go like, Do I really want to listen to This? I might work my way All the way through this. And I feel like she does The same thing. I got to say because I don't Want to criticize this album Because I know Aaron's wife Know.com is listening With mated breath to see What we're going to say. She definitely cares a ton. I don't want to say I think she's not about it. But I could see how this album Is a lot like they might be Giants. But I can't imagine anybody Listening to the Giants Album for one time and be like,

[1:21:00]Why really like that? Whereas if you listen to it Hundreds of times, there's All these new parts That you're kind of interested In at different times. And I think it's really cool How complex it is. That's kind of how I see This, right? Like where it's It's almost for like listening To a thousand times. Yeah, to me it was like, I thought it was a surprising Choice at first that it was On the list where it is. And then I listened to it a bunch And I listened to Extraordinary Machine. I listened to Fetch the Bowl Cutters. I listened to the title And like I come back to this One and go like, yeah, this Is pretty cool. Werewolf. Now, guys, this got me Thinking werewolf. You got to fight one famous Movie monster. Who are you picking? Hey, I asked the question. I'll go first. I think I would pick the Mummy. I've never understood why The mummy is that tough. Like it's maybe like Lurch Something like somebody's slow And dumb that you could try to Out what, Yeah, you have to outwit them. Like, I feel a mummy. I would just like grab a torch. I know there's going to be a Torch on the wall. There's a mummy around. There's tortures all over the Place. Like that bad look like that

[1:22:00]Fuck her up. You know what I mean? Some are you serious? Have you seen like how big Like who's the main Egyptian Guy? Come on, guys. It may be an Egyptian guy. Who am I thinking of? I'm in Ross and Tux. King Tut. Have you seen how big King Tut Is? He was tiny. He was like a 15 year old Malnourished kid. I'd beat the shit out of a mummy. I know I would. Who are you guys picking? I think I would pick a werewolf Because if I lost it would be a Quick and relatively painless Once it was over. Probably go for your deck. God damn it. That's what you're thinking About is what would kill you The best. That's the most impressive. You're talking about fighting Monsters. How the fuck am I going to Beat a monster? A silver bullet. God damn it. Everybody knows that. And it might not be a quick end There and you might turn into A werewolf. I mean, that's fine. I mean, I'm down with that. We'd have to strap you into this Podcast every full move. Rob, I didn't mean to. I don't want to embarrass you Or anything, but I think a mummy Is encrypted. I think you got that wrong. I think it's encrypted. Not encrypted. That is not exactly. A mermaid is not encrypted.

[1:23:00]It is. It's 100% encrypted. Mermaid is not encrypted. Oh my God. Matt, what movie monster Are you fighting? I think maybe like Lurch Or something. You know, somebody's slow And dumb. You do it. You're going Frankenstein? Sure. Yeah, Frankenstein. I don't know how did Frankenstein Kill people? It couldn't have surprised him, Right? It was mostly like chucking kids In the lake, right? Is that what Frankenstein was Doing? Does Frankenstein kill people? I think he just used brute Strength to be caught. Yeah, he were done. Aaron Frankenstein didn't. Yeah, I feel like that. Frankenstein was the doctor. Frankenstein's monster. Frankenstein's monster. OK. Was actually also dead people. So yes, there's some dead People involved. I'd much rather fight As doctor. I would whoop that doctor's Ass. The referee. Russell, what do you think Of this album? You've been suspicious and Quiet. I think it's really good. I think this the first few On Apple album. Listen, we're going to be On the right. Yeah. The first one we did was I really liked it. I really like this one, too. I'll say I'll just jump to this. I was walking through the Vale Village. I've never been to Vale. I'm not a big Colorado

[1:24:00]Game, not a secure anything. But I was walking through The Vale Village listening to This and I'll always remember This. It was actually pretty good Music for kind of a walk Through like one of these Little towns with all The little shops and Everything. So I like it. I really enjoyed it. Hey, bros, I'm taking my Parents' jeeps up to Jeep up to Red Rocks. I'm big field of Apple. Not sure what's pluralizing That sentence a lot there. I kind of made some mistakes, Pluralizing things. But that's me. I'm big Colorado guy. How about Shaddur Sanders? I don't want to talk about The big 12 standings. OK, that's not going great In my life. Eric, that's what Everybody wants to hear about. Just give us your thoughts On the standings. Regret. John L. Way. That was a big Colorado guy. Is she doing something Different with the piano Tuning here? Or is this just Maybe this. There she said it. Or I did a piano play

[1:25:00]The keys. Nobody ever. I think you're right. The ones that are hard to press. You can not like you can Hear the rhythm Throughout this whole album. Anything we want. I don't know, Aaron. To me, this album is. You don't have to like it If you listen to give it Chance at all. I don't think I can give it a Chance. This is how my cast is about. I don't think I did. I just want to do distance All the way. That's what you're trying to do. Just get it out of the way. No, it's just you have To like the album. How can I install somebody With such obvious high Standards? Thank you for that. Aaron, you're going to Eat all that cactus. Oh, my God. Did you eat tripe? You taste like you ate Just a tripe couch again. Yeah, I'm the guy. 17 years ago, I met you When you used the bathroom At 11 p.m. And I was not happy about it. I'm sure when your wife comes Back from the trip and she sees

[1:26:00]Your podcast set up In the in the laundry Room with a half-drank Leader of Tequila next to it, She's going to be like, God damn, I love this man of mine. Wait, I didn't tell you guys. I'm dude, I'm in the kitchen, Bro. Oh, yeah, look that shit. Hey, I see the soda stream. Oh, we're all set up out there. Right. I'm out here. Everything I know about Aaron's kitchen is everything I've heard and put together Audio clues. Hot knife. Oh, did we do anything we want? Yes, we'll play it again. Hot knife, the final song Because the last one is a bonus On the digital. And you know, we're not playing That we're doing original albums Only. This is with her. She's singing here with her Sister, Vaughn Manger. It was a cab race singer. She said that they had they Were in the studio for hours Intertwining their voices. It's the closest they've ever Been. I was trying to figure out If it's a round or not. I don't know if it is. Whatever it is, it's strange. And I'm into it. I love this. Right. It's so out there And different. It's so cool.

[1:27:00]Yes. Man, guys, is this album A major college vibe album? You put this on, you're setting That vibe right away. Right? I knew we were Going to have this question. And I was curious about it, too, Because if you did this, Would it look like you were Trying too hard? Yes. But I also I listen to it All the time now. Like I'll listen to The human apple. And. Oh, this is for adults. This is not for college. It's not a college vibe. This is an adult album. Maybe just a group of like-minded Adults who want to get together And maybe live in a similar place And share some of the duties And play volleyball at night. OK. And if you're really good, I'll give you a different color Scarf. OK. Don't ask what's going Behind those going on behind Those doors. And don't ask about the glory Or don't ask why you're only Making four dollars an hour When we're charging these These government contracts of Fifty thousand dollars a week. Don't ask why I'm the only male

[1:28:00]In the cult who has his testicles Still. Don't ask where I got these new Nike shoes. Mixing up all the cult stuff. OK. Just a quick yes or no. This doesn't have anything really To do with the cult. Getting branded. No. OK. I'm going to a lot of no. So we're just going to. We're going to skip that part. Listen, that was the idler Wheel. See, I disrespectful. OK. That was the idler wheel. We need to get into our rating System. OK. We know Aaron's wife at Gmail dot com loves this Album. But we don't care about the Album. But we care about what We have devoted. Don't add up how many hours, Guys. Two hundred and thirteen Episodes. First of all, Crazy. Don't do the math. Don't think about how many hours We put into this. Where we're just talking about a List that a magazine came out With five years ago that nobody Cares about. Not a soul.

[1:29:00]That for us. And we don't really care about The list. We care about the order At two thirteen is when the Idlers wheel is that perfect at Two thirteen? OK. That would be a Rolling. Well, don't. OK. Going to slide that together so You don't hear that long pause Right to think about it. Or should this album become Earlier? That would be a lower Number. That meant it got rolling Boned. It should not be so far Back here. Or is this a classic? Rolling grown. This album should Not have been this high. OK. What do we think? Rolling Well toned, rolling bone or Rolling grown Aaron? What do you think? And don't. You say the wrong thing that Aims chair could be out of your Life. I want to clarify it. I think I'm going to talk to Anne again when she gets home. I might actually like this album Better than she does. I think she's a title. What an insane flat devotee. And I think she also likes Extraordinary machine, maybe Better. I'll get her official Fiona Apple rankings when she gets Back. Things you like.

[1:30:00]I like. I like better. I like better. Wait. No, that's not what I was Saying. You don't understand. You don't understand what it's Like. What a one upper you are. Geez, I was just trying to say You don't have to pander to Her on this album because I Don't think it's her favorite Fiona Apple album is all I'm Saying. Hey, do you like This album? Well, I love it. So they're lost again. We should have had her on instead Of me. All I'm saying is I think this album is great. I think Fiona Apple is great. Any of her stuff, wherever it is To me, is going to be rolling Well town. So this is really Well. She probably would have Come up with a better running bit About the make your own penis Thing on Amazon. I feel like he did. I feel like there's a wrong Person on here. It's it's True. There's still meat on that Bone. We went back there. Rob having to look your wife In the face here while he's Telling these jokes. It's it he would not be. He would stare at her and she Would stare back and he would Just crumple. Oh it's like French Is like, but never mind. Matt, what do you think wrong

[1:31:00]Well tone, rolling bone or Rolling groan? I think this is rolling bone Means that it should be higher In the list, right? That is Correct number. I think this is majorly rolling Bone. This I this is a very Simplistic way, basic Way of describing this album. So take it with a grain of Salt. Like I would Rather listen to this than Bjork. I'd rather listen to This than Cindy Lopper. I'm kind of going through like Similar type albums, if You will. B 52s. Oh, for sure. But I'm just trying to think of Like kind of like the big female Artists that we've had, like Maybe even Adele. I'd like to listen to this Maybe over twenty one by Adele. And I know that's crazy to Hear but like Strong take. Hey, Aaron, get your Ass down to second place Because this guy loves this Album. You said Rolling Well Tone. You don't even like this album That much. I mean, I do tell Me if you like I hear some Taylor Swift in here. I hear some Lord. I hear some Billie Eilish,

[1:32:00]You know, like I see why this Is less than pretty Pretty influential. So I don't know. I was Pleasantly surprised at how Much I like this album. I got to go. I got to do the Air and run now and go listen To the rest of Her albums just to see where I'm at. I'm done with my Tyler, the creator week. So now this might next week Might have to be a Fiona Apple Week. So you won't be disappointed. Rolling Bone should be way Higher in the list. Can I tell you guys what albums I've been listening to a ton From the list? That Ray Charles, Birth of Soul. I've been putting that on shuffle. I swear to God, I'm like, oh, God, this is we made so much fun Of this. I've been listening To Greenbacks. I've been Listening to Mess around like crazy Russell Rolling Well Tone, Rolling Bone or Rolling Grown. You're in veil. OK, Russell, you're going to do Any skin. How much actually How much skin are you doing, Russell? Did you bring a? I was showing people my Double my double dick Move skiing. OK, well, first you got to Understand. OK, what if you had Two dicks? OK, so that's the

[1:33:00]First part. Then you're going to talk about That for like three or five Minutes. You're going to kind of Run out and I ask for Another like, hey, you guys, Can I go a minute over on this Bit? Can I get another minute on the Double day? You know what? I really like This album. We've talked about these artists Before where I didn't really know A ton of their music and they've Come up on these lists and I'm Kind of not expecting to really Enjoy it. But I thought this was Absolutely fantastic. And I'm going to have to agree. Unfortunately, I'm going to have To agree with Aaron's wife on This. I think this is rolling Grown. I think it's too high on the List. I say that to me Like to me, her biggest hit is Criminal, right? And like, if you want to go Like 20, 30 years in the Future and the biggest hit is Not one of the two in the top 250 or whatever, that seems like Something's off to me. So I'm going to go with Aaron's Wife. And what was the name of That album title, Aaron? Title. Yeah, I'm going to say Title, even though I don't know That as well to me, criminals Got to be up higher than this Album. So I'm going to say

[1:34:00]Rolling grown in a shocker, Even though I love. Wow. That's crazy. Russell, I got To say what is wrong. She names her next album, Spotify. That'll be like, OK. We I mean, we used to have Apple to something here. We used to have title. We Used to have Spotify. Now we have Cobas. I bought that. Pull it, Rob. Pull the name of it. I bought Neil Young's Device called the Pong Pongo. Pongo. Neil Young. IPod. Pono. God damn it. I was so close. It was Pono Was his lossless music service That he was. Oh, I didn't Know that one. Yeah. Oh, it's Guys. That was an insane pull. I almost made. Listen. Unfortunately, you guys are Incorrect. She had you too, Aaron's wife At you know.com. Get a EAM size chair size Moving box and get ready for This shit. This album gets a rolling unique Instrumentation. Oh.

[1:35:00]Oh, OK. There you go. OK. I mean. Listen, this is like when you Listen to this, it's not a Normal like album. It somehow is it has all these Weird sounds that has all these Weird rhythms. When you realize it's produced By a drummer, you guys haven't Given me enough credit for coming Up with that smart connection that I may have heard on TikTok. It makes a lot more sense. Next up. Almost no research. Next up. We have somebody whose last name Is so close to being pretty. It's Tom Betty. With hours. When you want to hear about the Great. You're so close to Being pretty. I mean, if his name was Tom Pretty, that's a whole different Experience, isn't it? What is his real name? Oh my God, if it's Tom pretty, That's going to be crazy. His real name is Richard Petty. Wait a minute. Have you ever seen Tom Petty and Richard Petty in the same room? They're better. Thomas Earl Petty.

[1:36:00]Oh, wow. This is a real name. It's crazy. His middle name was Earl. He didn't go with Earl Petty. Way better musician name. He had stuff going on. Earl Petty. Even Tom Earl. That's a good musician name. Also known as Charlie T. Wilbur. Wilbur. Wilbury Jr. And Muddy Wilbury. Of. The Traveling Wilburies. Traveling Wilburies. I got to get going. My Amazon order just arrived and It's a bunch of just satin Curtains. Rob, one last thing though. Let me finish strong for you. That's my time. You guys have been great. That's so hurtful. Now that's an ending. Now that's an ending. Hey, guys, now that we've seriously Stopped recording, Aaron, are you Seriously your penis doesn't smell At all? Like that? You weren't joking when you said That. How does your penis smell? You really said that. Your penis just doesn't smell? How would I know if my penis Smells? Oh, no. Okay, I got to get going.

[1:37:00]Stop it. I'm stopping.