Led Zeppelin: Houses of the Holy (1973)

[0:00]In 2020, four friends decided to listen to every one of the greatest 500 albums as decided by Rolling Stone magazine. This resulted in a text chain that celebrated the music, excoriated the order, and led us to make this podcast. We are far from experts. We promise to do almost no research. All opinions are our own, unless you disagree. Please sit back and enjoy. Beck did it better. We are all the way up. All the way up. To album 278. That's crazy. That's a crazy high number, by the way. The idea that you could go back and push play on this podcast 277 times is insane to me. Plus episode zero. I listen to that every day, Russell. You should. I listen to that when I wake up. I'm like, how do I inspire myself to the day? Let's listen to the one where I said, hey, when I'm talking, just put yourself on mute. So in case you laugh, nobody should hear that. Don't ever listen to episode zero. I'm concerned like that. I'm trying to think of like... I might be getting to a number where I've recorded podcasts with you guys more times than I've done other things in my life.

[1:00]Oh my God. One of the things I've done most often in my life, recording a podcast with you guys is getting up there. It is. I do record this before I go to sleep. So it is very similar. Aaron, I can guarantee you 279's got me beat. 279's? I did that. That was my sophomore year of college. We... That was interim. That was J-term. Yeah, that was... I had a lot. We could really stretch out. Guys, we have Houses of the Holy. Oh, take them to church. That reminds me of when I wrote for the school newspaper and there was an outbreak of pubic lice at the strip club. And the headline I wrote was, Louses on the... Louses on the poly. Listen, when I wrote that joke at like 9 a.m. Today, that was so good. Louses on the poly. You'd buy that. Aaron, you'd buy that copy. You'd have to see what's going on. I would. I'd have to buy that roast.

[2:00]That would... Listen, I'm just going to say that would be a bummer. Okay? That's all I'm going to say. Listen, let's get right into it. But you know what we're going to do first? Is we're going to turn on a little bit of K-Rob. Now, sometimes K-Rob... Nice. It's back. I didn't know K-Rob was still on the air. First of all, it's always... It's not back. It's always been here. All right? It's like my back knee. It never went away. But I have to say, you guys are making fun of me. And I know... Logically, I know, like, they're just making fun of me Because they know I'm sensitive. Okay? They know they're going to get a rise out of me about not doing the parody songs. Oh, yeah. We are making fun of you for that. Yeah. And it's like... They're just doing that to get my goat and I'm not going to let them get it. And then I was like, I can't think of any parody songs to any of these songs. I mean, Dire Maker. Yeah. I mean, what am I going to do? I did one to that reggae, the funk song in the middle, Aaron. I thought it was really good, but... That's fun. So instead... I took a little derivation here, okay? And it's a little longer than I want it to be,

[3:00]But we're okay? So let's turn on K-Rob and let's just... Shouldn't we have, like, four other parodies from a Led Zeppelin song already? Well, it would be interesting. You know what, Russell? At the end of this episode, should I find all of our Led Zeppelin albums and put all the parody songs at the end and see what they are? Well, this episode is going to be short enough that probably, yeah, you should just extend it out a little bit. We are in a time crunch. Rob came in from a wedding in a different state. Okay? And now he's here and he's ready to run The perfect 69-minute episode. All right? And these guys... By the way, I am running the timer 69 minutes, whether you like it or not. Okay? The safety word is banana. If you think I'm being too rough on you guys time-wise, just say banana and that's your way out. Okay? All right. Here we go. Let's turn on K-Rob. K-R-O-B. This is K-Rob. K-R-O-B. The long intro. We're getting into special season of the year.

[4:00]And I can't help but think it's almost time for a ring. For a ring. Yeah. To me, a ring symbolizes so much more than a commitment. It's a squared circle where people often fight to see who's the best. WrestleMania season. To me, there's only one best of all time. One of the reasons that he was the best was his extraordinary fashion sense. Wow. That's why I wrote this song to be played at Russell's wedding. Oh, yeah. Wow. When Russ gets married, I know I'll look when I go. Because I'll be there dressed like Hulk Hogan. Yes. Wow. Formal. Brother. You will see me at the sale. Ceremony. I'll be wearing a do-rag with Oakley.

[5:00]Yes. Wow. Can you imagine, Russell? Ooh, brother. But throughout the night, I'll be changing. Wow. The fun's all begun. And we're at the reception. My beard is black. And I'm yelling, "Wolfpack." Wow. Wolfpack. He was never in the Wolfpack. Russ will ask me to stop after my 15th leg drop. But I'll just tell him he needs to take his vitamins. Yes. Mm. Take your prayers, brother. This is where I could have put something if I didn't run out of time. Had to get to a wedding today. Mm-hmm. I mean, imagine what I could have put here, Russell.

[6:00]Bring him out. Ooh, whatcha gonna do? Yes. When the 24 is the pythons run all over you. Wow. Russ. This is longer than I remember. That's what she said. But Russ has no regrets when he sees how I'm dressed. I wouldn't. When I'm wearing big boots and a yellow Speedo. Yes. But then my best friend comes in. Oh, no. With his old woman. Oh, no. Russ. And she looks at me and asks if I want some sushi. Wow. Iso-badly. Ooh, whatcha gonna do? You cannot imagine how badly I want to do that. Yeah. Oh, no. Iso-badly. Ooh, whatcha gonna do? You cannot imagine how badly I wanted to write this whole song and make you guys listen. On the radio it runs wild all over you. Session minutes.

[7:00]And she landed on the end. Aye, aye, off the top rope, brother. When you want to hear about the greatest albums of all time. Here's the problem. Here's the problem, Russell, is I can only think of two faces. Oh, I forgot about the rest of the theme song. You know what? Let's just, let's smoothly, I'm going to make this super smooth. You're never going to know the difference. Let's just play this theme song right now. When you want to hear about the greatest albums of all time. I can only think, Russell, of two faces. Oh, I forgot about the rest of the theme song. You know what? Let's just, let's smoothly, I'm going to make this super smooth. You're never going to know the difference. Let's just play this theme song right now. When you want to hear about the greatest albums of all time. I can only think, Russell, of two eras of Hulk Hogan. The yellow and then the NWO, which of course we all know he wasn't in the Wolfpack. Any idiot knows that. Well, he was, he did wrestle in the AWA in the Minneapolis for Vern Gagnon and he was Hulk Hogan and he just wore like the white trunks, but it was AWA before WWE. You know who did it better? Yeah. You know who did it better? I don't know. You know who did it better? I don't know. I don't know. When did he put on the mask and he was Mr. America or whatever. That might be a bad. That might've been after I stopped following. Matt might have that better than I do. That's a weird one. That was like, that was early, wasn't it? I was, no, that's like, that's like the 20, like mid two thousands, I think. Oh, but when he first started wrestling, cause I watched the documentary, he had a mask on,

[8:00]But that was to hide him. They used to hide wrestlers when they were just starting out. I didn't know this until I watched the Hogan thing. They used to hide wrestlers. They put a mask on them. Yeah. When they were ready to actually be primetime, then they take the mask off and there they were. It's hard to hide Hulk Hogan though. You know what I mean? It's like, Hey, he's got this mask on, but he also has this few silly type hair that's coming down. Like it's almost clear. It's almost like an albino's hair. Let me say, when you look at him, like in high school, he looked like a weirdo, right? Like not in a bad way, but he was huge. Yeah. He was huge. I mean, he was like six, eight and he was pretty, he wasn't in the best shape. Let's just put it that way. And he was huge. Did he play like a band, a rock band or something? Yeah. And he was a bass guitarist and stuff. Yeah. Wow. He was pretty good. I just couldn't think of it. Cause he's one of those guys where if you look at him when he's younger, he looks weirder. You know what I mean? Like he got more normal looking as he got older. I think like it's, it's kind of crazy.

[9:00]Although M and M now, if you're telling me that M and M didn't look at NWO Hulk Hogan, like, have you seen M and M recently? What? Oh, M and M beard. Yes. He is. If you're watching NWO Hogan, it's crazy. Cause it's exactly what he looks like. I'm going to type him in. M and M. Oh, how do I spell this? I mean, who knows? 2026. Okay. So enemies, I put in too many N's and now I've got, no, it's not enemies. I don't want enemies. 2026. Why would I want that? Oh man. N, no. M. There you go. N, M. Oh no, no, no. N and M. That's not how you spell that. You got a beard at least. I mean, look at this. This is what he looks like now? So do you think he always had a dark beard? No. And he just shaved it? No. Or do you think he dyes it? No. He's older than us, Russell. I think he dyes it. He 100% dyes it. Nobody has told him. He dyes. He looks like NWO Hogan. Can I ask you this, Russell? Speaking of Hulk Hogan, then we'll get started. Why was he such a big deal?

[10:00]Like, was it, was his gimmick that good? Like, I don't even get what. You just, you got what, Rob, you need to watch the documentary. Listen. And then come back to us. I've been trying to find some videos about Hogan for like. Years. Okay. I've been looking real hard. I can't even tell you. It feels like there's a lot of Hogan content out there that maybe we don't need to be the ones to cover it. I'm not I would never adjudicate what content goes on this podcast, but it feels like this is being covered. No. I'm going to be talking about Hulk Hogan when I'm like 80 years old. You know what I mean? Like in the same way, my dad talked about Vern Gagne and I would be like, dad, I have No idea what you're talking about. I'm going to be talking to my grandkids about Hulk Hogan. For sure. Rob, if you could take a finishing move from Hulk Hogan. From Hulk Hogan or some other wrestler, like with the leg drop, would you be able to take the leg drop or do you think he would just smash you with it? No, a hundred. Can you imagine what would be your favorite move to be put on? I what would be really tempting? Would it be to be put through a table? You know what I mean? Like that's that you would have to do it or the tombstone. God, I would pay to be put into a tombstone. I think that'd be so.

[11:00]I don't think so. I don't think any sort of like dropping you on your head is a good one. Like pile driver, tombstone. No. Listen, everybody else in the hospital is money. Like I jumped off a plane. You know what I mean? Like I did this. You'd be like, I'm here because I did a tombstone. I've got major problems now, but it's worth it. Well, okay. All right. Listen, I've got this about this comedy podcast, like a bad turn, right? Talking about how we'll end up in the hospital. Okay. Correct answer, by the way, ignoring obvious signs. I've got three guys here who caught a bad case of crunch in college, but they put, they Took some penicillin and now they're mostly fine. I've got Matt in Minneapolis. Matt, how are you doing? Good, Rob. Many times. I've lied and many times I've listened. Wow. I heard that first part. And I've got Russell in Minneapolis. Russell, how are you doing? Rob, when I read the letter you wrote me, it made me mad, but I still love you. So. Wow. That makes me feel bad. And I've got Aaron out in California. Now Aaron, this is unbelievable. Aaron entered a muscle losing contest and he won.

[12:00]He won a muscle losing contest. And you know what he won? Atrophy. A trophy. I should have said first. Fuck. That's nice. That is nice. Yeah. Thank you so much. I won a, I went to a muscle wasting contest and I won a sarco pen from Iowa. Sarcopenia. Muscle wasting. All right. We're doing the jokes together. All right. Let's get right into the voicemail. Let's talk about the Led Zeppelin. How am I going to edit that together? It's your fault. You started it. There's just going to be a long blank. All right. Why do you still have the tie on by the way? Yeah, that's a good question. Because I am here for you guys. I'm kind of like your sharp major D. Yeah. Thank you so much. Okay. Especially when I tie, I cannot tie the big knot though. That's like if you're an old USC football player and now you commentate on Fox college football, you don't like the lowest tier. Full Windsor. Yeah. I need the full Windsor. I can't do it.

[13:00]I, all my knots are really little work on a guy like you or Ira. And then Russell, let me ask you this. Do you think when I tie a tie, is it long enough or do I really have to stretch it to get it down to that belt? What do you think? My initial one, do you think it's long enough or is my tie too short on the normal? You know, Rob, a trick I would say you should try sometime, get a tie clip. Then it doesn't matter if it goes down all the way. You just kind of clip that bad boy and it's going to look good on you no matter what. I need to do that. I need it because the other thing is a little part of the tie comes out because my tie is too long. I can't put it into the, I can't put it into the slot. Yes. If you get the clip, it'll hang. It'll be, it'll be fine. I need it. Here we go. Tickets purchased, flight scheduled. Okay. Now this, I have to say this, I'm willing to edit this out. Okay. I want to be really clear. We got this voicemail. I think we are bordering on single white female. This is Mike from Pearland, Texas, by the way. Okay. I hope you bought tickets to, to, what's, bringing down the horse. I'm just going to say that right now.

[14:00]I might have to miss it. Okay. For my own safety. Here we go. Tickets purchased, flight scheduled. Texas is coming to Minneapolis for BDIB gathering and wallflowers. How do my brother and I find you once we arrive at first Avenue? All right. So. Okay. Two things. We're the women. I probably not. I'm probably not the first one in line, but I'm fairly close to the front and I will not be going to the front of the stage, but I will try to be on the main row, probably on The left. Cause I usually, cause you're closer to go into the right. And there's always like the merge tables and stuff and everything's to the right. If you go around to the left, it's not as popular. And there's some, there's like, there's some steps down and then there's some steps up and where the steps go down. There's also a rail there. And if you get on that rail, you got a perfect view of the whole damn place on the rail. Probably right there. I I'm, I'm betting left side rail right there. I'll be the one who's, both chubbing myself up going. Okay.

[15:00]Chubbing myself up going through the metal detector before we go in and I'll be wearing a phone book to protect myself from getting stabbed. Okay. From our, from seeing our favorite fans, Russell, what do you think about these fans coming up from Texas? I have a bad feeling. This is a true thing that they are doing and that we are going to be a big trouble. What do we think about this? Russell? We approve of fans coming up at, for a Beck did a better meet meetup. Do I want like my skin to be stretched over someone like a basket after the end of this trip? No, I do not. I appreciate the community and I, I think it's cool if people get excited to come Hang out and enjoy some music with us. The idea that our heads, Russell wouldn't just be bigger than somebody else's head. Like I listen, I'm sure our fans are way out of shape. Like there's an a thousand percent chance that these guys come up from Texas are going to look like absolute garbage, but there's no way our heads wouldn't fit over their heads as mask. I think they would have to like shrink our heads a little bit to fit it onto them. Like, look at Aaron, look how far back he is. His head is nice and small. Hmm. Yeah.

[16:00]But it would be a good thing. I really should. If we really should have giveaways. Yeah. My computer does a weird thing. When I get close enough, then I get extra, but is that a mustache? Do you have a mustache? No, it looks like a little closer again, bringing in that you shaved that in, you left that in. No, that's totally natural. That's how I love that. That's how it is. I love it. Aaron looks good. That's always what happens is that the fellas like the facial hair more than the ladies. It's always how it goes. Yeah. No offense to the fellas who like fellas out there. This is the last week to the beard, by the way, my beard, I'm going to have it through nationals here at the end of may, and then it's going to be going for the summer, but my facial hair. I know you're a power lifter. Are you getting any Colby Ferguson content right now? Or is that just me? You don't get any weightlifting content. He's some, he's out there doing like 220 kilogram cleaning jerks. I, again, my, my Tik TOK right now is going hard at busty ladies in the office walking around. I mean what I mean?

[17:00]It's been going strong for a long time, man, like barely making the elevator and then opening the door. And it's like, Oh, this is nice. It's just, it's like, I don't know what I clicked on to get it, but I pushed the heart every time. I love it. Speaking of the elevator, then to share, you guys know, I shared my monster elevator story. We might need an elevator soundbite at some point, Rob. Wow. I had another elevator. That's just what I was thinking. Yeah. So you guys know it's, it's NBA playoff season. My Timberwolves have advanced. Wow. The other day, the wolves had a, at a big game. So I, Matt, I had to wear my Timberwolves Jordans into work. So I, I, I put on the green and blue Timberwolves Jordans. They look super sharp. I go in, I get in the elevator, I'm going up into work. Lady walks in. Yeah. Hell yeah. Yeah. Looks at me. I hit the button match. He's going to nine. I'm going to seven. She looks at me very professional looking lady. Yep. Nice Jordans. Oh, you like them, huh? Wow. This lady came all the way from Vegas just to compliment you on your shoes.

[18:00]How many types of shoes do people get compliments for in an elevator? Not the Jordan, right? Not the J's. Matt. Matt's been right. Every time that those J's. Yeah. Those are some good looking J's. Did you wear them to the game? Oh, of course I wear them to the game. I'm three and oh wearing them to the game. How many people at the game have those Jordans on them? I didn't see a whole lot, but I got a few compliments of right when we walked in, people noted them, like, Oh, man. So you're right. That's good. Did you ever think about saying like, Oh, I'm getting off at five too. You know what I mean? Like acting like, Oh, I had pushed the wrong floor. Like, Oh, I'll come. Or is that, did you not see the conversation going past shoes? We talked to shoes that we talked a little bit about the wolves and she was like talking about injured players and stuff and I was like, you guys, just so you know, you're not the first person I've told. I did tell the upstairs roommate, cause we've talked about, you gotta know there's options out there. She knows that you've got options. That's good. You know what I mean? Like, what are you jerking off to? Oh, let me tell you about guys, fellas, is there anything worse than when they ask what

[19:00]You're jerking off to? You know what I mean? Like that moment where you're like, Oh, am I going to look, I don't think anyone should ask that. That's a very personal, like, no one should be asking you that's an invasion of your privacy. I mean, I guess if you, like, if you get caught in the act, maybe, but otherwise like that, no one should be asking you that. No, I think if you, if somebody says, well, I'm going to tell you, that's even worse. You know what I mean? Just say Aaron to me, that should be private. Okay. I know you've got some different ideas about it, but that should be enough. So anyway, I am convinced that Robert Matt walked in on each other during the draft day movie and that's, they've never told us about that part of that Vegas that those guys watching draft day. It's convinced something else bad happened. It's a really good movie. Okay. That was the room that had like the opaque showers that you could see from the sexiest part of draft day. What's the sexiest scene in draft? Day? Oh, or something. It's, it's funny. Cause draft day is basically, they just like, Hey, we want to make a movie, but we don't

[20:00]Want to spend a lot of money on locations. Right. You know what I mean? So we're just going to be in one room. It's going to be a phone call. Okay. And we all know the plot of draft day. I don't have to go back into it. Okay. Something with a draft, something that's going on, but listen, so Mike, this is, if you love this conversation, Mike from Pearland, you are going to love your time with Matt at the concert. But right now we've got to get into. Yeah. We'll figure it out. We'll figure somehow we'll figure out if he's actually coming up, but if the, if Texas is Actually coming up, we'll figure it out. What if listeners meet? Like if Mike from Vegas comes up and Mike from Texas, what if like two listeners meet each other? Mike. Wow. That's crazy. The idea that two strangers would like meet each other it'd be crazy if they like start a subreddit. Oh my God. That'd be so crazy. If they like. Did some stuff to maybe promote the show a little bit past like the eight guys that listened

[21:00]To us anyway. Oh, that'd be so, but you, they could never do it, right? Like they could never say, oh, this is a podcast I enjoy listening to and then share it. Russell, imagine this right now. You push the share button on our podcast. You texted to somebody. I would never do that. No, it's insane. It's an insane, like they would open up and listen to us talk about Hulk Hogan for five minutes about whether or not he's in the NWO. Nobody wants that. How the hell Megan, the stallion is like the 13th person mentioned as notable people from Pearland, Texas. Come on. Like Joseph gutines, retired NASA employees. The first one listed. Oh yeah. He's on there. Megan. The stallion is the third from the fourth from the bottom notable person from Pearland, Texas. She graduated from Pearland high school. Wow. Also, do we think it's Pearland or Pearland? He said in the email, it's Pearland. If you're a land. See, I'm a good listener. Speaking of good listening. Aaron. The AI said it. Yeah. No, he, no, he said it in an email. Okay. Now I'm not going to go back. I'm too lazy, but I promise it's Pearland because I was calling it Pearland. Well, I'm just what would make sense that someone needs to work on the Wikipedia page.

[22:00]Thomas Morstead, NFL punter listed ahead of Megan, the stallion. Wow. You think it goes in chronological order from when they put up on the list? Probably likely. I mean, that's the most likely thing, but it was more fun to be fake outraged about it. Rolling, going Rosie. How's it going with you? Well, it was going great. And then Matt cut into my funny bit of Megan, the stallion in Pearland, Texas. Wow. Did you, by the way, mark the time, funny, but I'm going to write that and I put It in our socials. Did you see your buddy Clay Thompson out there from the Bay? Yeah. I mean his whole situation with Megan, his situation and he, he keeps a diary. I didn't know that. So then people can find it. Like, so yeah, so he's got like, he writes everything down. Okay. Like what are you talking about? Are you? What you're talking about? Clay Thompson was dating Megan, the stallion, listen, and then just cheated on her.

[23:00]And so they're, they're done. Listen, they're all done. You know me. I, there's no such thing as what it takes to be a guy. You can be anything and be a guy. You don't even have to have a penis to be a guy. You can menstruate and be a guy. I couldn't care less. You can't keep a diary. That's where I'm drawing the line. Guys should not have diaries. Okay. Guys should not be open. Like finding the little key, put in the lock, opening it up, taking the pen. Diary. Today I masturbated to, et cetera. Like you can't, you don't want people to find that. Yeah. Today. I woke up super early to masturbate before work. Oh my God. But I went to bed super late. Yeah. It's 2:00 PM. I need a nap so bad. Oh, the wolves are on so late. What am I going to do during halftime? I have no idea. Oh, I love those 8:00 PM Pacific starts. Are you guys doing okay with those? I fucking love those. No. You think I'm doing okay? Game starting at 10:30. And then I got to watch it. Oh, wait, hold on. Hold on.

[24:00]Hold on. Rob, take your headphones off for a second. Guys. Rob's doing great. He decided to go outside of the double secret text chain and bet on his own and hit every goddamn bet he had. And he's a fucking millionaire now. Let me tell you. If you, but if you saw my, I looked again, mad at my overall standings on draft Kings. Yeah. Don't do that. Okay. Don't ever do that. That's really bad. All right. So that Joe from East St. Paul and Neil from Lakeville, we were just laying it on thick. Like, Oh, Rob, this is so nice. So nice. You do include us. You know, we're one big fan of all this stuff. It was good. It's almost like people try to say things to hurt my feelings on purpose, but I know that's not true because all I do is give what I mean? All I want is for people to have fun. I want us to gamble together. Okay. And then maybe I throw in a little extra to satisfy the beast that's inside of me. Am I really going? Yes.

[25:00]I don't think it started yet. Oh yeah. Why? I know that our listeners are concerned, so I just wanted to give, I'll do this next week too. I wanted to give an update on appendicitis. I think I'm still fine. Occasionally I wake up for the night with some indigestion. Occasionally I wake up for the night with some indigestion and think maybe this is it. Maybe I got to call the ER, but. Did you go into the ER? Yeah. Did you go into the ER? Yeah. I think you did not. You did not go to your doctor. No. I'm scheduled. No. Because the doctor said, you're getting better with the antibiotics. We're not going to come and have you do a CT scan. I'm scheduled now for colonoscopy on July 20th. So hopefully nothing ruptures between now and July 20th because it turns out they can see your appendix from a colonoscopy. Yeah. Okay. So I'm scheduled now for a colonoscopy on July 20th. So hopefully nothing ruptures between now and July 20th because it turns out they can see your appendix from a colonoscopy. Yeah. I'm scheduled now for a colonoscopy on July 20th. So hopefully nothing ruptures between now and July 20th because it turns out they can see your appendix from a colonoscopy. So they're going to get the whole thing checked out just in case it was a false flag. What? Well, I suppose they're going up like... Yeah. So it's the whole thing. They're going to just check out the whole area. But if anything ruptures between now and then, I'll just go to the ER. But so far, I'm doing great. And I know we have listeners who are interested and concerned. So I wanted to share that with them. Have you thought, Aaron, for a colonoscopy about 10 hours out, eating a funny note? I think that's a good question.

[26:00]In concerns. I wanted to share that with them. Have you thought Aaron for colonoscopy About 10 hours out eating a funny note? You know what I mean? Like just take a note That says something funny on it. Chow it down. What a great joke for that doctor to be Looking and all of a sudden, I don't know what it says like fart on a piece of paper. Oh my God, A piece of paper in your intestine that would say fart. I mean, that's funny on so many Levels. That's such a good bit. I'm writing on your crack. Does it tickle? So I want to give That an update. Write that one down, Rob. Rob, write that one down. I want to give that An update. Where are, how are we trending on time? Should we, are we thinking about Another one? We, we're good. Okay. I've got this. I've got this episode by the balls 69 minutes on the dot. She has to ask you should be done. And that's my rolling Going and how's it going with Matt? Speaking of colonoscopies, I am currently in prep mode. Oh, okay. So you're there. All right. Wow. In the future. Wow. In there. Yep. So in approximately 20 hours, no. So tomorrow's my day. So, well,

[27:00]Today we're almost there. We've got, I'm down to the, I'm down to no solid foods in seven minutes. So can I make a recommendation Matt? Yeah. You should get a cocktail class. You, So we're going to have to drink like the gallon of whatever, like some mixture. You should have It be a fun time and get a cocktail glass to drink all the mixture. Okay. I'll take Some pictures for you, Russell. I like that. Can I ask you this? I haven't scheduled mine, But I am soon. Okay. I am looking forward to the prep. Everybody says they hate it. Sounds like a blast to me. Get an iPad, load on some movies, sit on the toilet. You blast. I mean, it sounds like a good time. You know what I mean? Like just for once in Your life, you just know, like, okay, this is like the real me. You know what I mean? Like there's nothing else in there. This is just like who I am. This is how much I should Weigh something like that. Like Matt, what, what are you thinking? When are you Getting one in like 48 hours then? Yeah. So what is it? So that's weird. I got a note

[28:00]From Mike from Pearland. He's coming up to see. Yeah. So Monday afternoon. So it's Saturday on Sunday. I'm doing mine on a Monday too. So Monday afternoon. You're taking your colitis and you've, it's gone on the low fiber diet. Your colitis. I forgot. I'm not supposed to eat seeds though. I had some Sunflower seeds at the baseball game. You can't avoid sunflower seeds. And then you ate a note that said fart. So I've tried, I've tried, but I have to go as no Solids in five minutes. How about this? So Matt, a $2 bill. I mean, think of this guy's mind When he looks in there and there's a $2 bill. That's good. How long has that been there? A penny? They don't even make those anymore. Like this is crazy. Like he just goes up With the denominations, just get bigger and bigger, start baiting a penny than a nickel. I don't have to go through the coins with you guys. How many $2 bills do you think you could choke down, Rob?

[29:00]Oh, if you made me, I guarantee I could eat $22 bills. No way. I don't even think you could eat one. I would go for sure. In one sure. No one's going to make you do that. I don't think so. Here's what I do is I, I think I would fold them. I think I would roll them and then Fold them out. Like it like has paper football. Yeah. Oh, you'd never be able to choke that down. No, I don't have a paper football, but I think like I could roll it And have it. How would you rustle if you had to eat a dollar bill? No, how would you do it? I think it would be possible. I don't think you could get a dollar bill down. You go on fruit by the foot style, just kind of putting it on your tongue and Hoping for the best what I mean? That might be. Yeah. Matt, how are you eating a dollar bill? What's your plan? I'm not. No grapes. I don't even use lettuce. I don't even use lettuce. That's true. Rob, I would turn it into one of those little handheld fortune teller things That you go back and forth like this. Yeah. Eight. Yeah. Green. Yeah. We're always, oh, you're impotent. That's just all mindset. I was like, oh, that's, oh, how the heck?

[30:00]So I don't mean to bring up I don't know, but I just think we're all, I'm the youngest. I think I'm the, as far as I know, I'm the youngest on that text chain, The only millennial on that text chain. Wow. And it's, it's time to do it. Everybody's, it's time to do it. Is Neil older than you two? No, you've got to do it. So what's that? Is Neil older than you two? Yeah. Oh yeah. He's born and he's born and he's born. He's like the end of the you Jen Xers. You people. Yeah. I don't like saying you Jen Xers like that. It makes me, it sounds very close to some words. Listen, I feel like if I saw your guys as colonoscopies, I could pick out who was who. Like I think I could like just right now. I know there's a difference between Russell's anus and I'm sorry Russell to say this, But between your anus and errands, I just know I know there's a difference. And maths is going to be beat to shit. He's never had a vegetable in his entire life. You know what I mean? Like it's going to be crazy in there. He's got a bidet. Oh, Russell, we're going past Russell.

[31:00]We're going to where bidets don't even go. You know what I mean? It's going to be some sort of side effect or benefit, right? Well, I think there's a benefit, but I don't think it's like that. It's not sure what that is. I don't think like nine out of 10 doctors recommend a bidet. You know what I mean? It's not like, unless it's really strong. It's like, hey, this bidet, just to let you guys know, I recommend this bidet as a proctologist. It's really strong. Okay. Colonoscopist can tell if you bidet or not. I probably, it's like this bidet comes with a seatbelt. It's really strong. It's a high, it's a car wash. Let's just bring this up one more time. For 30 bucks on Amazon, you can get a bidet attachment for your toilet. And everybody, it would it's life changing. It's, it's unbelievable. You need to do it. You know what? You need to do it. It's unbelievable. Can I say this? I haven't taken off those pair of shoes. I haven't worn a single other pair of shoes Since I'd got the shoes, you guys. Hold on, hold on.

[32:00]Okay. Roll, roll and go on, Rob. No, I can't because my roll and go on is about the wedding. I'm just going to say this, like, I went in. Okay. You know what? Fine. Roll and go on to me. Listen, I took your guys' advice that was off the podcast. By the way, this is what we talk about When we're done with the podcast. We get all fired up. We're talking about feet, obviously. Your shoes are a fucking joke. And the answer is, yeah, they are. We didn't say that. We said they're not supportive shoes. I mean we were Russell, we were thinking it. Yes. Right? And you could see that we were thinking. I had some busy times at work coming up. I went in, got my feet scanned. And you know what I told the people? I'm not going to run. I'm not going to run. Fuck your feet, shit. I'm not running anywhere. I'm going to use these to walk around at work. And I'm a big fat guy. So every day I shoot. Yes. I need you. And guess what? They are. I got some A6 guys. If you haven't worn tennis shoes in the last 10 years, Everybody has. Everybody but you, we try to tell you this. They are so fluffy. I can't take it.

[33:00]Yeah. They are like walking on a cloud here. And I love it. I love it here and tried to run in them yesterday. They're so bouncy. It's crazy. I feel, guess what? No wonder I'm not having been a good runner, Russell. I haven't had these shoes. I feel like I can go out these and run forever. Guys, this has changed my life. And guess what? They're not smelling yet. I wear them every day. I don't know what I'm doing. Like it's, it's great. Do those shoes make you run faster? Do you think you run faster in those shoes? Oh, I have no idea. I haven't run in them. What am I going to start sprinting somewhere? Man, no way. Can you lift more in them? No, you can't lift. You don't want to ever lift in those shoes. The new shoes, that is one thing. I see kids come down squatting those. I don't want to get into it. But when you're up that high, it's terrible. Don't do it. You got to go barefoot. Barefoot. But it's, I'm, it, these shoes have changed My life. And I have to thank you guys. And it makes me think, This is really hard for me to say, And I've never said this before. I think I could be wrong about some stuff. I think I might be not correcting my thoughts Because my life has changed so drastically. Like I just sometimes when I'm walking,

[34:00]I'm like, oh, this doesn't hurt my feet Going downstairs. You know what I mean? Next thing I know, I'm going to wake up And my stomach doesn't hurt. What? For our listeners to understand, Rob has never owned like regular tennis, Like regular tennis shoes, Like walking shoes, running. He's got kind of casual looking these shoes. Kuma skateboarding shoes. Yeah. Crops or vans or something like that kind of, right? Yeah. And they're all, I realize now they're all hard sold. Yes. They all have been too hard on my feet. My life is changed from the shoes I have. And I have to thank you guys so much. So. And then you even wore them. You sent a picture of you and your lovely bride Out looking great. You wore them with your dark pants And they worked fine, didn't they? Then you looked fantastic. I said to her, I said, I can't wear dresses. She goes, I said, I can't wear dress shoes. I have to wear these shoes. They're so comfortable. I don't think I can ever wear any kinds of shoes. I'm throwing away all my other shoes, Russell. No matter how funny they are. Rob, the real cool thing is You could still go get awesome looking tennis shoes.

[35:00]They don't, you could get like bright pink. You could go get orange. You can get other tennis shoes that are more flashy And going to fit your style. The only problem was, Russell, when I got my feet fitted, Yeah, I have always bought size 13 shoes. To me, a size 13 shoe was slightly bigger than most people. It made me feel like you're a little taller. Kind of a monster. And always, of course, my feet are so wide. I was like, I need bigger shoes because my feet are so wide And I've got flat feet and that's why I can't run very well. I'm a size 12. That's still pretty big. My arches are totally fine and my feet are not all that wide. I was like, oh, I have no idea. I am 45 years old and I have no idea what's going on with my feet. Like she was telling me this and I was just like, oh, I was like sloth on the goonies. She was like, you're a 12. I was like, all 12? I was like, this is great. I was like, I always,

[36:00]I don't wonder if I'd been so bad at bowling. You know what I mean? I'm always getting 13s. I'm getting the wrong size. Rob, did she give you other options of shoes That would work for you that were more flashy That you decided not to take? Russell, you have other ones. I had no, I didn't get any others, But she, I put on all four pair that she brought out And you know what I did? I walked around the store. I walked around and I did it. I did it proudly. I was proudly walking around the store, Not jogging, not even trying to jog. And guess what? As soon as I put on these shoes, You knew it. Those shoes were like the perfect 69 for my feet. They fit together perfectly. Okay, so thank you guys. For the shoe scan, do they take your socks off for you? Or is that extra? Oh, they would have been so good. Oh boy, my, oh my back is so sore. Sir, your picture is right here. Like right when you walked in, an alarm went off. We know who you are. There's like a busty lady from the neighboring office

[37:00]Comes to the office and pulls the socks off. Oh my God. Sir, I saw you go through the metal detector. I know what you did. So I asked you if you run faster than the shoes Because there was some meme 10, 15 years ago that said, Nobody ever asked you if an adult, If these shoes make you run any faster, You know, like when you're a kid or whatever. So I asked, every time Eddie gets new shoes, He's 10 years old. I asked him, he's almost 11. I said, those shoes make you run faster without stopping. He looks at me and he runs up and down the aisles. He goes, yeah, I think so. Yes. Oh, yes. I'm convinced. I'm waiting for him. That's like the little bit of a childhood. He's holding on to, I got some of that stuff. I'm convinced right now. If you said go run a 5K, I couldn't these shoes. Like I just feel like it's nothing. It's just air. Like, guys, it was crazy. I, thank you, thank you. Okay. And by the way, don't ever tell me what to do again. Russell, rolling going. I was going with you. Rolling going. I was going to share a few things, A few activities going on. The other day, Matt,

[38:00]This would probably be in your kid's wheelhouse. I went to the big card show at the river center. Oh, did you see the pleasure principle there? I didn't see him there. I don't know if I texted, I didn't see him there, But I don't think I would have seen me there Because there had to be like 30,000 people there. This was crazy packed. Russell, was this, Would this be a good place to meet women or not? I would say no to that question. Okay. But I want to get jerked off by a guy who looked like me. Is this a good place? Oh, yes. Yes. Oh, my squirtle. But so my, my, my nephews are really into, My nephews have gotten really into cards. My one niece is kind of into them. My other niece came along for the fun of it, But my brother-in-law and I went With my niece and nephews. We did the card show. I was there for probably a couple hours and it was awesome. It was so much fun, But there is a level of discipline that you have to have Because it would have been easy for me To just start wildly spending money on cards, right?

[39:00]Matt and Matt probably knows this, but I held strong. I only bought four cards for myself. There was one that I didn't buy that I was really mad. The one I did not buy, I saw an iron cheek PSA 10 autograph card for like 80 bucks, But I couldn't pull the trigger. I was like, what am I going to do with this? What do you do with 80 bucks? What are you going to do with 80 bucks? Yeah. Russell, there's the alternative. Yeah, right. That's crazy. Not like it's $20,000. You're like, oh, well, I could get a new car or this card. It's 80 bucks. You talked about this picture, like 500 bucks. You drink, you'll drink that by two 30 tomorrow. You'll have 80 bucks down at the, at brunch. There's like, there were like three cards that I stared at For the long time, but the whole time Matt, I just kept thinking if, if I break the seal And I start spending money at this, it's going to be bad. The problem is the problem that it's not a problem. The problem with that you have is that you're a list guy,

[40:00]Right? And you want to complete things. So if it starts out with the iron chic You're going to kick the dragon steamboat. You're getting you're going Through the whole thing all eighties. Yeah, just Jim Duggan. If you buy an iron sheet card right now, rowdy, Piper, if you bought an iron sheet card right now, You're going on a list. It's the barb, he passed away. The government is going to be so many of them out there, Right? Oh, no, there's got this. There's, what are you going to do with an iron sheet card? So that's why I didn't buy it. So the only things I bought, I spent about 30 bucks on my own. I bought two Anthony Edwards rookie cards, non-graded, Nothing too fancy, but I just, I had to walk out of there with something, right? It's like a record store. I can't walk out of there with nothing. Yeah. And then I was kind of betting on my guy for the Atlanta Hawks. I bought two Nikhil Alexander Walker rookie cards For $1.50 each. Come back player of the year. Okay. Come back player of the year. Is that what he was? Yep. But then I also put. Most improved. $50 to each of my nieces and nephews,

[41:00]So they could get what they wanted. One of my nieces and nephews each bought over 80 bucks right there. That's right there. Well, that, if I'm giving money to their collection, Then I'm all for it. Then I think it's awesome. So a couple of my nieces and nephews bought, They went big with like graded Anthony Edwards rookie cards, Like a PSA nine for each of them. And I was like, yep, I'll support that. My one nephew bought like a case, Matt, your sons probably have like the nice case for their cards, Like the little briefcase thing. And then my niece who didn't care about anything, She took the money to go spend it elsewhere. But super fun. But Rob, you were right. The nerds of all nerds, There's just thousands and thousands above a lot of them. How much, what percentage of it was like Pokemon cards Versus sports cards? Oh, probably half of it was Pokemon cards. Maybe even more. It was probably half and half was Pokemon cards. It's nuts. Yeah. Do you think it would be humans nuts? Would it be funny to pretend like you're spilling your drink? You know what I mean? Like you go to sit to somebody and you go, oh no.

[42:00]My, my red fruit punch what, Rob? I don't think there's a lot of jokes going on at this Take of event. Like the people in their cards, like there's no, There's no joking around about this stuff. Can you imagine you're buying a Doink the Clown card And it's totally a serious affair. Like everybody is, nobody is laughing. Nobody, so I was also spending a lot of time Looking at a Jaden McDaniels autographed rookie PSA 10. I did not pull the trigger, but I wish I would have, My Timberwolves are killing it. But one other thing I wanted to share with you guys That I'm doing tomorrow. He's a stone cold killer too, man. Wow. I'm going to the Orpheum to see Harry Potter. I've never seen a Harry Potter movie. I've never read the books. I got to know what's your guys Harry Potter style. Are you into the movies, the books or any of that stuff? Well, Aaron's turned me on a lot to the kind of Stuff lately, some of her writings lately. Aaron sent me a lot of those via text messages. That shit bores me to tears. Wallace has watched the movies. I hate the movies.

[43:00]He listens to the audio books. I hate the audio books. I am a Harry Potter hater just because I find it boring. Sorry, I don't mean to shit on your stuff. I don't know anything about it. We're going with my niece. It was one of her Christmas presents. Is it the cursed child? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, I think so. That's like a new one. It's not like a movie. It's like an offshoot, right Rob? Technologically, that's the best stage show I've ever seen. It's going to blow your fucking mind what you see. When they travel through time, the effects they use is fucking amazing. When I saw it, it absolutely, when the Dementor comes out, Just wait till the end of the Act 1, Russell, It's going to, you're going to be like, How the fuck did they do that? It's, it really is like going to a magic show. Now you're going to go and not understand why anything. I highly recommend you just do a quick read of the Harry Potter franchise, Because there's a lot of touching moments that I don't think you're going to get Unless you understand the relationship between like Harry Potter and Professor Snape. And you just do it, Russell. You're going to benefit from it, Because there's a lot of stuff you kind of have to know, I think. Okay. You're not going to do it.

[44:00]Fuck you. You're not going to do it. No, I will. I saw that live. No, I will. No, I will. Should I read anything from my students? Should I read what the musical is, Like the story of the musical or should, what should I do? You should put it in chat GPT, Say I'm going to the musical. What do I need to know from the From the previous story? I've never read any of it. Give me a synopsis that I need to know to catch me up. Okay. Can I just say this? Oh, you can't do this. No. Well, no, I'm trying to just find it. No, no, no. Listen, when you type in porn parody, It should just give you titles and not give you links to videos. You know what I mean? I just want to hang out with my bros and make a joke About the Harry Potter porn parody. Who's Googling just to see the names of it and not the actual videos? Hogwarts sex legacy. That's not even good. I mean, Chamber of Secretions at the very least is what I was hoping for. Oh, thanks. You know what I mean? I'll just say this. Sorcerer's bone. Because you didn't ask. And I'm the antithesis of Rosie. I think I've read through them three times once with each kid and me.

[45:00]So at least twice, maybe a third time. I've seen the movies probably four or five times Just because we will throw those on every once in a while When we're bored and can't find a movie kind of a thing. And I, there's a new series coming out with It's 25 years later, a kind of a thing. New movies coming out with new kids. And I don't know what they're going to do or why they're doing it Or how they're going to improve on it. But kind of excited to see the first movie when it comes out. And if I get the chance to see that play, You got to let me know how it is. Because that'll probably be something else that we should put on our list Because we're huge Harry Potter fans around here. Can I say this, Russell? I'm going to give you a couple of names. You tell me if it's from the porn parody or from Harry Potter. Ready? Yes. Wormtail. Parody. It's from the book. Professor Snatch. That's the real deal. No, that's from the parody.

[46:00]Okay. And then, oh, I had one more. What was it? Fuck. Hufflepuff. That's real. That is real. Good job, Russell. See, you never, Russell, forget what I said. You're ready to go. You're in the hall of fame. No problem. If you're playing baseball, one out of three. Last one. I feel bad. I feel like a Yuckman's young. But those movies are very long. But I was that way too until I kind of got into them. I mean, I would never have read them If I didn't have kids kind of a thing. Yeah, right. I'd be there. Horcrux. What? Hailed it. I think you can go either way for that one, To be honest with you. Listen, we are talking about Houses of the Holy, okay? Led Zeppelin. Here's all you need to know. Led Zeppelin released their first album, Aaron. One, their second album. Two, their third album. Three, their fourth album, Led Zeppelin. Four, coming out right before this album.

[47:00]It's got Black Dog. It's got Stairway to Heaven. It's got Immigrant Song, maybe? It's Led Zeppelin. Four, I went back and looked at it. It's a fucking banger. It's a crazy album. So now everybody's on Tenderhooks. What is Led Zeppelin going to do next? Okay. Oh, when the levee breaks is on there too. Oh, oh my God. They come out, they release this album. Rolling Stone magazine reviews it and says, This is the dullest album of the entire year. Really? What a crazy, because it's not rock and roll. You got a picture. This is like T-Rex, David Bowie at this time. Glamrock is huge. Disco is like two years out. Led Zeppelin is almost like a dinosaur. What are they going to do? Get this album, a couple of the guys get studios in their homes. So it totally changes their sound because they come in much more prepared. It's much more layered. It's less like 12 bar jam, 12 bar blues. They're like, hey, I've got some creative ideas with music now. There's like weird vocal effects.

[48:00]Like when you listen to this on headphones, You're like, well, why did they do those effects on the vocals? It really is like super, it's much more produced, Much more layered than some of their other ones. It's the first one they totally wrote themselves. There's no covers in it. And then after this album is physical graffiti. So four in physical graffiti are thought to be their best albums. This one kind of sneaks right in the middle. And John Paul Jones is on keyboard for a lot of this. They say, hey what would be cool? What if we did some reggae? What if we did a funk song? And the answer is okay and terrible. The funk song on this might be, guys, The funk song on this album, I would say might be one of the worst songs. What song is that one again? The crunch. Crunch. Crunch. It's such a bad name. I couldn't even get past the name of it. I mean, the horrible thing is like, I should hate the reggae song, But my entire life I have loved that song, right? Like I just, this song is so catchy and fun. And so basically this album is recorded a little bit In New York, actually at Electric Lady Land Studios.

[49:00]Russell, with you and I, I think, visited her man. And I visited a lot of it at Star Groves. We talked before about albums recorded, At Pupil Houses. This is Mick Jagger's country house That this is recorded at. And Dark Side of the Moon comes out Exactly this same month. Let's get into Houses of the Holy With the song remains the same. I put this on the Alexa and Jenny goes, Turn this shit off. What is this? And I'll say this is a kind of instrumental. They added some lyrics later. It's kind of a fun way to start, But you definitely are getting the tone Of like the Led Zeppelin saying, This is not us covering a blues man's song. You know what I mean? This sounds like the who to me big time. I hear you. I was gonna say it sounds like Tom Petty. They were with John Entwistle, Of course the bass player, the who, Is the one who said, Oh yeah, your supergroup with Beck Is going to go over like a Led Zeppelin, Which is how they got the names first. Well, let's go a little bit longer here.

[50:00]I heard like Almond Brothers or something like that. That's the same thing. They're definitely listening to what is the 73. They're definitely listening to all that stuff, And they're listening to a lot of shit on this album. I'm not going to lie. But it's still, it's always the thing like, The way that Bonham plays with the rhythm guitar Is so fun. Like he's always, those together is like, It's the Zeppelin. It's the same thing. It's the same thing. Those together is like, it's the Zeppelin thing. This album, more than any album we've listened to In a long time, had me playing air guitar. Like I was just walking around. I'd be like, this fucking riff is so crunchy. It's crazy. I played the air guitar on a date the other night, And you'll be surprised, and it was not impressed. Time to get to work, Karen. We've all been thinking it. We've been saying it behind your back, And now it's time to pull the trigger. We're here to support you. Okay. The rain song.

[51:00]This song may be ruined the album for me. I'm not saying it's bad. It just was long. I didn't love it. This was the one where I was like, I might need to track it, Or I might need to turn the album off. It's- Are these keys? Is this John Paul Jones on the keys instead of strings? Yeah. Or playing around with synth stuff. Okay. I mean songs in the key of life, right? You could see where if you're a Led Zeppelin fan, And you just get done listening to fucking Black Dog. Yes. And then you buy this album, and this comes on, You're like, and he wrote this song on the next track. George Harrison said to them, Hey, why don't you guys ever do a ballad? And so they wrote this, and then it's like, George, shut the fuck up. It's like eight minutes. It's long. Yeah. Hey, George, Eric is fucking your wife. Leave these guys alone. Stop telling them to play ballads, okay? And I said ballads there. I said it with a B for sure. It's not great. Over the Hills and far away, by the way, then, comes in.

[52:00]Oh, this song. This song is an absolute masterpiece. This is fantastic. Yep. I mean, this is so much fun. Top three. This is the top three song by then. Yeah, I agree. Top three, Matt? Yep. I'm with you. Yeah. When it kicks in here in about 10 seconds, You're playing air guitar. It doesn't matter what you're doing. Yep. You could be writing email home to parents. That's so good. You could be doing anything. You just have to play air guitar to this. You don't write emails. College vibe album right here, Rob. Oh. 100%. But then you know what you... Listen to this shit. This is so good. I mean, if an alien came down from space And said, what is rock and roll, You would play this that part for him. And then I would say, take me to your dealer.

[53:00]And I'd be like, what? This alien, it's hilarious. Okay. And then the alien and I guess what we'd do. We get, yes, it rosey. We would get baked. Okay. But you said dealer. I thought you'd be doubling a hard 12 with Iowa double down. So it gets your deal. Wow. That's crazy, Russell. And I would explain to the alien, That's part of the magic of the English language. Okay. A dealer is both somebody who plays Blackjack with you And makes you get in their car for some reason. Pedals are pills. I got to get in your car. I had a guy like that in New York. He's like, I'm going to drive up and get in my car. I was like, I do like getting high. You know what I mean? He's like, okay. You told us the way you get in a car is awkward. Like you do Ed first or something weird. I do head first. When I get in a car, I do head first. So you're driving. I can't do that in a stranger's car. If you're driving, we're getting an alien's three scenario Where my mouth is getting very close to your face. You know what I mean? It's big time. It's right up there. Now, this is the crunch.

[54:00]Okay. The crunch. You have never heard of this song. You got to play it for 30 seconds. You got to play it for 30 seconds. Okay. Well, I really feel like you should know This is their tribute to James Brown. They're like what? We haven't done enough Black music. We're going to reach out into a funk song. I'm playing the end where they are talking About trying to find the bridge. By the way, no bridge in this song. Okay. That's it. I can't take it. I'll give you all the state secrets. I can't take it anymore. I love Saddam Hussein. Let me go. Whatever you want me to say. I can't listen to this anymore. What is going on here, guys? It's like a squeeze box story. How does four adult professional musicians Let that song get on an album? What is it about these British guys Where they think funny songs are okay to put on albums? Unforgivable. It's absolutely crazy to me.

[55:00]Next up, Aaron. We don't have a titular track, But this is what I call the double D track. It's dance and days. I look like the titular track of this album Is actually on physical graffiti, right? Yeah. Yeah, he wrote a bunch of songs And they're like, huh. They're like, how's is the holy? That name kicks ass. This song though going down the next album. Rob, hear me out now. I know you're talking about songs That sound like each other. I don't even know if it sounds like this, But I would like you to pull up Bobby Brown ump and around. Can I just say, Russell? Yeah. I'll do you one better. Did you hear this? Let's listen. Oh no. It's not hearing at 20 seconds In humping around by Bobby Brown. A song by the way. Is this what this is? Is this Amphilis? Yes. It is literally acknowledged that. I was in my car and I was like, I know this from something. I started singing humping around. I was like, that's Bobby Brown. It's 100% Bobby Brown. How we have not talked about Humping around on this podcast. Ain't nobody humping around.

[56:00]Can I ask you? Can you trust someone And you know you're in their back? What exactly was he talking about there When he's saying humping around? Was he saying nobody's cheating? Or is it like maybe you're on medication For weight loss And it's kind of killed your libido? You know what I mean? So you're just not humping around As much as you used to be. Yeah. Or maybe, well how about this? Bobby Brown. He's in the desert, Aaron. He is so thirsty. All he wants is a candle. He is looking for something. He's looking for a dromedary. He's thirsty and he wants a cigarette. He can simply crush And it turned into a menthol. Now where can he find An all of a sudden... Listen, if you're doing the camel rides at the zoo And you're not playing everybody's humping around, You are making a huge mistake. Next up. You already had that up there. Did you guys hear that on your own?

[57:00]No, it's... You know immediately what that was. I would have heard that now. No. But it's on the who sampled. It's on the website of... Bobby Brown sampling. They must have had to give credit, right? Russell humping around better than any of us, So which makes me... Well, I just was like, this is like LL Cool Jib. This is probably humping around. That's got to be like 93, somewhere in there, right? 92. Yeah. Yeah. 19 years later. I remember the Stone Temple Pilots covered that song, Dance and Days. Pretty darn well. Yeah, they did, didn't they? There might have been a single of theirs, right? Okay. We got to listen to that. We got time. Pilots, Dancing Days. Okay. Reminds me of my friend Dave. Guess what he loved to do? It's like my third ever... Hey, nobody's talking to me anymore. I was just talking to myself over... Oh, Dance and Dave. Rob, who's your favorite? Who's your favorite Dave's out there? Dan or Dave, the Olympian? The Dave from the Wendy's Restaurant? Who else you got? Yeah. Dave Thomas is right up there. I feel like... Dave from the movie, The President Dave?

[58:00]Yeah, that was a big one. Otherwise, I don't know a single Dave like in my life. I've known some Davids, but never a Dave. You go to Vegas with one every year. You share a room with your bed with him. Hey, you share a room with him. I don't know. Listen, I actually... I think about that Dave more than you would guess. I bet I think about him on a weekly basis. I'll see something that'll make me think about him. Yeah. Yeah. I do like that. That's good. Next up, Dire Maker. This is... They hit number 20. It was only the fourth track to get in the top 20 for the Led Zeppelin. Now, think about this. This is their fifth album. They've only had four songs to get in the top 20 in the U.S. I mean, if this song only gets to 20, There probably shouldn't be a top 100 list, right? Right. It's crazy. Now, here's the problem. John Paul Jones hates this song. It's called Dire Maker because it sounds like Jamaica,

[59:00]If you say in the British accent. You're maker. Oh, right. You're maker. I don't... You're maker. Listen, British humor, I don't get it. I'm just going to say it right now. Like, remember when British shows would be in PBS And your parents would be like, This is funny? You're like, I don't know. And Doctor, who I don't know? They're just working in a store And there seems to be a lot of old women around. Like, I don't get why that's funny. You know what I mean? Can I just say this, Russell? This brings me to tonight's first and only list Because guess what? I can't fucking stand Dire Maker. It's one of my least favorite songs of all time. We had 69 minutes, so you made two lists. Guys, I didn't make two lists, if you notice. You got this episode by the balls, as he said it. Okay. Right, you did it. You had that one where you did the songs That sounded like each other. Dire Maker is one of my least favorite Classic rock songs. I will track that song every single time. And I know I shouldn't. I know people like it.

[1:00:00]The other song for me, my least favorite rock and roll song. Oh my God, Rob. Okay. This is the one I was going to text you today. I was going to text you this exact song. You guys don't like this song? I cannot fucking stand. It's the... It's the synth. It's the synth. Jump. Jump by Van Halen. Rob, this was the one I was going to text you. Listen Hot for Teacher, I think is one of the greatest works of arts. That should be there with Michelangelo's David. That should be next to the Mona Lisa. This song is a fucking joke to me. I hate it. I cannot stand it. And also Russell, this was also yours. Matt did text me his least favorite song of all time. God, you guys texted me these songs With such a long title. I like to think about Van Halen Just like trying to nail that synth sound. What's the loudest synth we can find? And they found it. No, it's... Matt says the song he hates classic rock.

[1:01:00]Rock and roll night, Matt. What's your deal with Kiss? Why don't you like that? I don't know. I think I just am a little too young for Kiss, Maybe kind of a thing. Like, I miss the... You're the millennial. I just... Yeah, I'm a millennial. But this comes on... This comes at like every wedding. Yeah. Every school dance, things like that. I don't know. I just... And can I say this? Way slower than you remember. It's a very slow song. Like, if you try to sing along with it, You always are getting ahead of the beat. Because it's incredibly slow. Okay? Now, the song that Aaron texted me... Oh, I... It was... Is it this one, Aaron? I think it was this one, right? And I think this is another one. Yeah, that's the one. They have so many good songs. I would say La Grange. Again, top ten song all time. This one, I just, I don't like it. It's another one. Give Me All You're Lovin' by ZZ Top.

[1:02:00]It's like Huey Lewis in the news, But not as good as Huey Lewis. I don't know. Yeah, that's the kind of thing, man. Yeah. I mean, it's so slow. And nobody's ever said like, Hey, remember that chorus from Give Me All You're Lovin'? Remember the guitar solo? But it's on all the... No. Like, I was looking at Classic Rock Essentials playlists, And like, this is on there. Like, I know if I turn on 94.9 KGGO and Des Moines, This is gonna play within 15 minutes. I was looking at a few others I thought about Texan, but I didn't get around to it. The Who, My Generation. I'm tracking that shit every time it comes on. That you guys will disagree with me on this, But I can never get past the first 15 seconds. Smoke on the water. I'm tracking that every time it comes on. I don't blame you on that. Smoke on the water is a tough one. I can take it. Yeah, I can take it. And then the one that you guys might fight Beyond, American Woman. I'm tracking it by Lenny Kravitz. I know it's awesome. I just tracking.

[1:03:00]It's not for me. That's crazy. Rob thinks about Lenny Kravitz almost as often as he thinks about Dave. It's crazy. His roommate, Dave. I think there's something wrong with our son. All the posters in his room is with Lenny Kravitz And Liam Neeson. You know what I mean? His piss pants. No quarter. This was a instrumental jam that during Concert Russell, You love this shit. It would go on for 20 minutes or more. Hey, what's your favorite Led Zeppelin song? No quarter now. This song was my roommate Jeff's in college favorite Led Zeppelin song. And I always wrote next to Stairway to Heaven Jeff's favorite song Because I always said, oh, it's just Stairway to Heaven. He go, no, it's the ocean. I'd say, okay, Stairway to Heaven. Listen, that joke was good.

[1:04:00]Can I say this? The song refers to the ocean of Led Zeppelin fans. Russell who famously sampled this shit? Who's that? Oh, I don't know. Maybe a little. Oh, nice. Oh, little beastie boys. She's crafty. I mean, this guitar riff is good in this. And it's going to come back right now. God damn it. God damn it, Rob. You're an idiot. Oh, it would have been cool if you had it. If you had it, Rob. It would have been cool if you nailed it. Who sampled who? Great website. Okay. It is a good website. You know what though? Listen, that's Houses of the Holy. It's only eight songs. Highs and lows on that one, right? What's that? There are some highs and lows. Yeah, it's crazy. This is one where you do understand why Maybe it's a little bit lower on the list. Because you're like, Led Zeppelin, this far back. Like this is kind of crazy. But listen, we are talking about Houses of the Holy. But more importantly, we're talking about the list.

[1:05:00]Two, 73. Okay. Now we are at 60, 70 minutes right now, But I did edit out a part earlier. That was two minutes. So guess what? We're fine. Okay. As long as we go quick. That counts. So what do we think? Rolling well-toned at 273. All right. That would be like, If you are in a band and you come out with a record. And guess what? It's okay. It's probably the 273rd best album of all time. Okay. And a lot of the songs you've never heard before. And you don't, if I ever have to eat the crunch again, That, I can't even tell you. I don't ever want to listen to the crunch again. Okay. It's just like, if there was a kid on your block And his nickname was the crunch, You would know not to go hang out with him. He hangs out with Dane P. The porch. Yeah. The crunch is peeing on the porch, Russell. Yeah. A hundred percent. Dane P. Porch. Dane. Okay. What do we think? Rolling well, rolling bone. It should be higher on the list, a lower number.

[1:06:00]Okay. Or is this a rolling groan? Okay. This should have been farther back on the list. Okay. Who needs it? I mean, it's got the crunch on it. The crunch, Aaron. Matt, what do you think? Rolling well, rolling bone or rolling groan? And don't forget about the crunch. I guess slightly rolling groaned. I mean, over the hills and far away is a, Maybe top 10 rock and roll song from this era. Kind of a thing. Top three by Led Zeppelin of all time. It's just an awesome song. They've got a couple other good ones that I don't mind. And I certainly understand why Rosie doesn't like the one song. Which one was it? The ocean is great. Jeff from Rochester. He's got it right. So I just think it's slightly rolling. I'd rather listen to the album we're going to listen to next week. I'd rather listen to Weezer's album, stuff like that. So I'm going to say rolling groan. It could be lower on the list. Russell, what do you think?

[1:07:00]Rolling well, rolling bone, rolling groan. Led Zeppelin. How is it? That's the holy. I think it's rolling bone. I think it's got to be way higher. If you've got over the hills, you've got dancing days, You have dire maker, you've got the ocean. Those are like four all time rock songs on one album. And I think there are definitely weak spots. Don't get me wrong at all. But man, the songs that crush, I think far outweigh the ones that don't. I think it's got to be, should be top 200 rolling, Rolling bone. It's got to be way higher. I mean, let's face it. When we started doing this list, We thought every album was going to be like this. You know what I mean? There was not going to be any Robin body talk. It was going to be all like Led Zeppelin houses of the holy. We're like, oh, this guitar is low. I mean, this is like your quintessential album on this list. This is, that's why it's right in the middle. The longest right there. Aaron, rolling well, telling rolling bone, rolling groan. If every, you're right. If every album we did going forward Had a few hits like this. Oh, the podcast would never end. We'd go, we'd go 700 and 750 D. Yeah. Yeah.

[1:08:00]I'm going to split the difference on these guys And call it rolling well toned. I think it's, it plays nice. It's a nice crisp 41 minutes, even with the skips. And yeah, there's some stuff that could have gone better, But there's some absolute classics on here. So I'm like, it's probably too much Zeppelin, But I don't know. It's Zeppelin. So rolling well toned. Unfortunately, you guys are incorrect. What? Jet. Hey, listen, watch me thread the needle on this one. Technically we covered all options, but this gets a rolling. This gets a rolling famous cover for the album. Elbow. No. Nailed it. Okay. This sums up Led Zeppelin to me. This album was delayed three months Because the cover wasn't looking right. They kept changing the picture on the cover. That's some real positive shit right there. Yeah. If you look at the photo of these kids, They repeated it 10 days with the same kids And then like put the photos on top of each other To give you what quite possibly is the scariest Album cover of all time for House of the Holy. It's absolutely fucking terrifying when you look at it. Okay. But it took, okay, no.

[1:09:00]Tell me this joke. They won a Grammy. Oh, they did win a Grammy for this, for best album package. And then I wrote this for the same thing I won my junior year of college. Oh, package. Yeah, best album package. Aaron, you nailed it. You knew exactly what the joke was. Okay. Oh, by the way. Next. The package rolling grown. They'd be sick though if you're in college And you won best package. When's the joke? It's like the graffiti on that bathroom Is where I worked here. And why are you looking here? The joke is in your pants. It's always gotten me. Listen, next week. How would you feel, Rob, If you were objectified like that in college And you were voted best package? Oh, boy. What if you were subjunctified? Oh, if I wish people were if they had that about me. Next week, it's the exact opposite of all the drains In my house living with three girls. We have Nirvana unplugged from New York.

[1:10:00]Hey, can't get that landing strip without a few plugged drains. At what? Wow. These are my kids I've talked about here. Think about it. Okay. I watched them come out of my wife's vagina, So I'm going to watch them. Yeah, Aaron. I was there. I'm a good dad. Jack did it better. I have a pill because I have something bad Happening to me. You know what it is? What? I got the crunch. It's time to say goodbye. It's so close to like crumbled cookie, But it's not quite there yet. It's much different in a way. Hey, here's a gift card to the crunch. Oh, good. I'll go get it. I don't know. All I could buy with this is some crunch. All right. What's it that?

[1:11:00]What's this in my underwear? It's a weird color. Oh, that's just crunch. That happens as you get older. Don't worry about it. It's normal with a colonoscopy. They have some crunch in there.

[1:12:00]It would be so much. There's loops, but it's not going to grow. Why don't they just make it? Well, you're like, wait, you're like, Wait, I almost got it.

[1:13:00]I almost got it. I almost got it. I thought it was embarrassing singing a song Last week about mutual masturbation In front of your kids bedrooms. Wait until you sing a song about taking up broads. Two things about your song. I got the perfect podcast for you, Jack. Is there a better word than boobies? Just make it laugh. Every time you say boobies. And it rhymes with quite a bit. That was actually the first line in my head. And part of your song, was it that you were so frustrated You just told the other person, Guy Gall, Whoever just to put their shirt back on? Put the shirt back on.

[1:14:00]Yeah. It's over. Has any of us ever said, Why don't you just put your shirt back on? I don't think that's ever come out to anybody. I feel like a lot of kids did to me younger When I was at the pool, But I think now maybe nobody actually cared. And I just wanted to have my shirt on Once I have a dog, guys. I thought I had this under control. Let's get into this. You know, I did some math. This radio song is going to be dedicated to doing math. I did some math because I was thinking, How many songs are we going to cover In the duration of this podcast? So let's listen. Welcome everybody to K-Rob K-R-O-B. You know, I was sitting here thinking about If a podcast is doing 500 albums, How many songs would they cover total In the course of that podcast? Well, instead of telling you, I think I'm going to yell at you And sing it as kind of a yelling. Oh, like, oh yeah. We record every seven days. We cover an album once a week.

[1:15:00]I was wondering number of songs That we talk about in totality. Oh, the words. So I did some arithmetic. And now I have done the math. 123 albums down the drain. 377 remain. Down the drain. 10 songs per album on average. Oh, you might not believe it's true. But I got to tell you a number of songs to you. 5,000 songs. Oh, 5,000 songs. 5,000 songs. Well, that means about 100 good jokes. 5,000 songs. It'll take about 10 years to give more. Take 5,000 songs. Oh, God. Well, I think I got a little. Add a couple of days. 10 years seems like a long time.

[1:16:00]But worth still three years along. There's no way we do this for ten years. And if you count my parody rhymes. Well, the number of songs is totally wrong. So you figure that the better guys are going to cover about 500 albums. There's about 10 songs per album. So if you do the math, they're covering 5,000 songs. And they're going to have something cool and funny to say about each one. Ah, those guys are so great. Enhance them and actually cool friends. It's 5,500 songs. We've been to the Fed-In show. 5,500 songs. Half of those are pop-bops alone. 5,500 songs. This is tour number for the three of us. 5,500 songs. And it's over 500 drinks for us. When you want to hear about the greatest albums of all time.

[1:17:00]Listen, that was a stretch. Even when I was writing that and recording it, I was like what? Ten years from now is a long time. I bet Mary and Burt's school will have great kids playing hockey by then. Can you imagine how great my balls are going to be? I've got the bourbon. Oh I can't imagine that. How great is the most greater? K-Rob. Book the K-Rob, K-R-O-B. Listen, Russell will come over, but make sure there aren't any kids around. Oh, yeah. Yes, it's cool. Thank you. Feel good.

[1:18:00]After my kids' graduation, lunchtime, dinner time, Russell doesn't care. You have any kids? When you want to hear about the greatest albums of all time. But you're just too busy to get up all night. You make it sound like I'm some sort of boss.

[1:19:00]No one wants to go hang out with other people's kids. I've got the bourbon podcast for you, Jackson. I suppose if I made a song about how much Russell wants to hang out with your kids, that would be even worse. Listen, this expected it better. We are talking about Led Zeppelin. All right, here we go. Let's turn on K-Rob. Welcome to K-Rob, K-R-O-B. Listen, we all got that friend who's got good taste in food. And sometimes we just got to do what he says, even if it means no meat in the middle. Visiting Aaron, want to get some food? Says he knows a good place for barbecue. This is so hard to sing. Incredible.

[1:20:00]I love the guitars. Singing and the guitar. I was like, I got about three takes because it's going to shoot my voice to shit. But nobody's still sound great. Oh yeah. Tofu. Say it again. Yes, do you mind? Let's say the story. Yes. Because he's got good taste. Yes, he does. He's going to suck up. He's going to suck up, bro. Aaron. Aaron. Aaron. He's my friend. Yes.

[1:21:00]He's my friend. When you want to hear about the greatest albums of all time. But you're just too lazy to look it up online. Rob, could you go start yourself? I'll tell you, if you look up karaoke songs from Black Dot, there's a lot of terrible versions of them. They're really bad versions. Beck did it better. I don't remember it. I need to get the camera. Holy shit. You guys hear this hidden message? Did you hear that hidden message? You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to run that reverse. Let's see what it actually says. Oh, my sweet Satan podcast. This is your favorite listener, Magic Mike 69.

[1:22:00]He does the good work, guys. I remember listeners always saying Aaron, more feed pictures. Oh, yeah. Magic Mike 69. Magic Mike 69 might be about 30 episodes behind, but I think that's okay. I'll still take it. It's not a big deal. I'm not definitely not going to rip on somebody who emailed in a sound clip that was in reverse. And I was like, oh shit, psycho shit going on from our fans. Lock your doors, people. Big, big surprise.